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Old 08-19-2007, 05:57 AM   #1
IMW_NL
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Default BDSM and feeding?!?

Has anyone of you ever met a feeder or a feedee through the BDSM scene?
If so, how did you bring up the idea/ trigger someone's interest?
I finally found the courage to visit a BDSM meeting yesterday, and I told some people about my interest in being fed/ being encouraged to gain.
They all agreed with me that theoretically feeding could be seen as a form of dominance,
some seemed to know what a feeder/feedee is, but thought I would have a hard time finding a mistress interested in it,
but many had not heard of it and looked quite worried when I tried to explain the concept.

Anyone had better experiences?
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Old 08-19-2007, 01:57 PM   #2
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Although I have heard some people say that being the feeder is more a sub position since you are basically serving the feedee. Being a feedee has always seemed more of a sub kind of position to me (I love the idea of a woman feeder taking control and feeding me to my absolute limits) and feeder a dom so I looked into it a bit too. I ran an add to see if I might meet a female feeder on bondage.com and only got one response from a woman who had never heard of it and wanted to just explore something new.

The over all sense of posts I read on their forum was that feeding was basically male feeders being abusive or perhaps even harming female feedee victims. Their view of feeders in general was pretty negative and sexist. Although I am a str8 male feedee and not a feeder, I decided not to get involved in the discussion. It was ironic that a group which is very much on the edge of acceptance would be so openly prejudiced and close minded. Anyway, take a look for yourself. This may just be the experience I had. Someone else may have had a more positive experience.
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Old 08-19-2007, 02:31 PM   #3
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Dominance/submission is not necessarily part of Feeding but can be. And either the feeder can be the dom or the feedee.

In my own case, I'm not into that myself, but if I had a gf who was into it, I certainly would play any BDSM game my feedee might want if it would encourage her to gain.

--Dr. Feeder
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Old 08-19-2007, 10:49 PM   #4
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Hm...well I am a mistress (but also a switch). I also have strong feeder tendencies. Yet I've never combined the two. Maybe it's what growingman mentioned: that being a feeder is somewhat submissive, and doesn't naturally inspire combination with domination.

To actually answer your question, I have never met anyone in the bdsm scene who was into feeding. However, my current bf, who is interested in bdsm, is also showing signs of interest in being a feedee.
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:02 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IMW_NL View Post
Has anyone of you ever met a feeder or a feedee through the BDSM scene?
If so, how did you bring up the idea/ trigger someone's interest?
I finally found the courage to visit a BDSM meeting yesterday, and I told some people about my interest in being fed/ being encouraged to gain.
They all agreed with me that theoretically feeding could be seen as a form of dominance,
some seemed to know what a feeder/feedee is, but thought I would have a hard time finding a mistress interested in it,
but many had not heard of it and looked quite worried when I tried to explain the concept.

Anyone had better experiences?
Your not alone. Ive been in BDSM relationships before luckily those men were into or loved big women.

However, the BDSM group here is sorta the same way. Most I believe are still thinking its horribly taboo, or just not interested in it in any way shape or form. There is also the uneducated aspect of it as well. People just not knowing the terms, and inner workings of feederism.

And yes, its a very Dominate trait when One takes over the eating habits or forces someone to gain for both of their pleasures. I know what you are saying 100%. *hugs you* You will be able to find Your Mistress someday that will plump and blow you up. Everything takes time my friend.

I love the thought of being tied down and fed or tube fed until my belly grows solid with the fattening mix and I'm helpless. Very large turn on for me.

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Old 08-23-2007, 12:42 PM   #6
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Thank you all for your insight.
Cypress bbw: you describe your gaining desires in a frighteningly familiar way.

You say that you think that a lot of people who are into BDSM just do not know the terms feeder/ feedee, and do not understand the inner workings of feederism.
Suppose that you were interested in experimenting with feeding with a person who is familiar with the BDSM world, but has never heard of the feeder/feedee terms, how would YOU describe it to this person, to trigger their interest?

Melian: you say that you consider the feeder role to be the submissive role? Could you clarify that? In my opinion, being pushed to eat whatever is offered, whenever it is offered and how much is offered, being pushed to eat beyond your comfort limit, having to deal with the extra body weight during every day life, the difficulties that you run into as you put on more weight, including the comments and insults from friends, family, colleagues and complete strangers, that altogether, according to me, would definitely make the feedee role the submissive role.
You have other ideas about that? Im eager to hear your point of view.
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Old 08-23-2007, 12:46 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by IMW_NL View Post
Melian: you say that you consider the feeder role to be the submissive role? Could you clarify that? In my opinion, being pushed to eat whatever is offered, whenever it is offered and how much is offered, being pushed to eat beyond your comfort limit, having to deal with the extra body weight during every day life, the difficulties that you run into as you put on more weight, including the comments and insults from friends, family, colleagues and complete strangers, that altogether, according to me, would definitely make the feedee role the submissive role.
You have other ideas about that? Im eager to hear your point of view.
I'm not Melian, but you could view the feeder as being at teh beck and call of the feedee, finding them whatever food they want, feeding them, taking care of chores for them, and basically doing whatever they are asked to do, in a servile sort of role.

Obviously that is a different dynamic than the dominant feeder telling the feedee what to eat. It is the feedee pulling instead of the feeder pushing.

-Ed
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Old 08-25-2007, 03:33 PM   #8
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IMW, it's unclear to me from your post how experienced you are with BDSM and if you just have an interest or if you have been an active participant in the community. IF you are fairly experienced then I ask you to forgive the simplicity of my post ... I am writing based on the assumption that you are rather new to BDSM in a real life way because that is the impression that I got ... perhaps erroneously?!?

There are as many variations in BDSM - D/s or M/s relationships as there are 'nilla ones. (D/s being Dominant & submissive, M/s being Master/slave). The most successful Power Exchange relationships that I am aware of are very self defining with parameters that encompass the interests of the community at large. IF feeding or being a feeder in the context of -control- is something that appeals to you, it should be relatively easy to explain that to an interested or potentially interesting partner. The entire basis of BDSM involves power exchange at varying levels to achieve mutual satisfaction and anyone in the community should be reasonably well aware of that.

Your best bet is conversation ... sharing interests -- yours and theirs. Personally I am not into negotiated scenes with -a- Dom simply for the sake of an encounter. I am far more -relationship- oriented in my M/s needs ... mostly because of the level of power exchange that I enjoy. When you begin to explore -play- or practices that are potentially body altering ... then you really must be very careful in how you proceed and with whom. The M/s relationship for example is very symbiotic and needs to be founded in an absolute, evolving trust foundation. This is to say ... one can only -take- me so to speak ... as far as I trust them. The depth that you are able to oby or -follow- a Dominant is dependent on the trust established in the relationship. You can't simply jump in blindly and honestly let yourself -go- in your submission or obedience. At least ... it is VERY dangerous and unwise to do so.

If you are interested in more than a -feeding- scene with a partner/Dominant/Master ... then you need to slowly build on a foundation of trust. This is true of all BDSM practices in my opinion but as I said ... I don't do negotiated -kink- scenes ... I can't -contract- out my trust for an afternoon or just a few sessions. My own dependencies and trust issues don't allow me to compartmentalize very well and I just don't wish to be highly vulnerable to someone that has no committment to my safety or well being. If I have to spend my time worrying about when I'm going to use my -safe- word then I am really not submitting at all but just waiting to exercise my own control. This is not a slam on anyone else ... simply my convictions based on knowing myself.

Personally ... I consider the feeder role the dominant role. I know that others see it differently and I think that's where the entire dynamics of the individual relationship comes in. I can understand how it works both ways ... it's simply my preference and natural drives that I am a submissive and I see being a feeder as a dominant role -- in my life. Because it has the potential to be body modifying and life modifying ... I would never enter in to a -hard- core relationship with someone I didn't know and trust very well involving feeding. Then again ... I am into breath play ... blood sports/cutting/knife play and other -edge- activities and I won't engage in them outside of a trusting M/s relationship either. ~grins~

I think that in the end, getting feeder/feedee -needs- or -desires- met is the same with any other BDSM kink ... you have to be open to talk about it and accept that others may not always understand or like -your- kink. Personally I abhor highly restrictive things like gas masks, hoods, or ball gags ... hence ... if it were important to a potential Master that right off the bat I get into that stuff ... He's likely not the master for me. Everyone doesn't have to understand your -thing- ... you just have to be patient as you search for the one who shares it ... and they are out there!

I would also recommend however that if you are new to BDSM and to Power Exchange that you are slow to move into committment. Check out references and people who -know- the Dominant or submissive you may be dealing with. Talk ... Talk ... Talk ... about BDSM and preferences and life and philosophy. Get to know someone before you start allowing them to take intense control of anything in your life beyond a bit of -kneel by my side-. Talk about limits and interests ... be frank AND honest. Talk about life histories and share important information about mental health and phsyical health. Talk about traumas that you have experienced that could become factors in your -scenes- or relationship. It's like dating anyone who is 'nilla except that you MUST be honest. Don't tell a Dom or sub that you have done something that you haven't or that you are really into something that you suspect might really tweak your head.

The right -partner- for you is someone who WILL take the time to know you ... your fears ... your limits ... your needs and your wants. Just as you are getting to know theirs. The responsible Dom will have your best interests at the forefront of your interaction even as he manipulates and controls the exchange for both of your pleasure. If you find a Dom who is uninterested in your life ... your mental health ... your fears or your needs ... then don't get involved! Especially not if he is wanting a high level of control and leeway in his treatment of you. Personally I advise women to avoid the whole -take 'em, use 'em & leave 'em- mentality also. He wants to control the very essence of you ... with you at his mercy but he doesn't want to care for you or maybe even ever see you again? Ummm no ... that's abusive to me ... perhaps not to others but submission is too potentially devastating in the wrong hands to carelessly hand over your trust like that -- in my opinion. Of course I am speaking as Dominant being male gendered here but you get the idea I think.

I have had a Master who practiced food control but it was simply an extention of HIS control overall and NOT meant for weight manipulation. I am sure you will find what you seek ... please be careful!

♪midori
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Old 08-25-2007, 05:50 PM   #9
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Default I did several feeder-oriented presentations...

For the Society of Janus here in SF involving bondage, TV and force feeding, with a touch of Vampire fetish thrown in, thanks to Mistress Shari...waaaay back in the mid-80's, but most folks in the SM/BD scene (as we oooold timers call it) were vocally anti-fat...even Fakir Musafar, which was surprising to me, since he was so far out there in most areas! My article for "Apocalypse Culture", "The Disciples of Flesh" merged TV, SM/BD, Feeding, gaining and Magick, but I think that is still a bit too far out for most folks...although the associated Magickal order, the Ordo Ceresia Obesi Magna still limps along....
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Old 08-25-2007, 08:31 PM   #10
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In a fantasy we've been meaning to play out my girl has a double 1/4 pounder as a gag ^^;; If she finishes eating it i replace it with another.
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Old 08-26-2007, 05:07 PM   #11
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I'm not Melian, but you could view the feeder as being at teh beck and call of the feedee, finding them whatever food they want, feeding them, taking care of chores for them, and basically doing whatever they are asked to do, in a servile sort of role.

Obviously that is a different dynamic than the dominant feeder telling the feedee what to eat. It is the feedee pulling instead of the feeder pushing.

-Ed
Ed totally nailed it. I guess it depends on how the feeding is done, though. My (limited) experience has always been like this: the feedee wants some particular food, which I end up purchasing/preparing for him. Next, he either eats it while I touch him, or he wants to be physically fed. At the end, I'm usually so aroused that I start pleasuring him sexually.

Doesn't sound too dominant to me.
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Old 08-27-2007, 03:34 PM   #12
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Dominance and submission is about CONTROL; who has it and who relinquishes it. No act is inherently dominative or submissive.
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Old 08-28-2007, 08:49 AM   #13
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Thank you all for your insightful words!
Especially Midori; your explanation was a big help to me.
And Melian: no, your description does not sound too dominant to me. But it does sound like you're enjoying it, and that's what I was interested in to hear

Once more; thanks everyone!
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Old 08-29-2007, 03:53 PM   #14
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Although I realize that power exchange in a feeding relationship can go any which way (or be non-existent), I'm personally attracted to the idea of being a dominant feeder, especially forcing a guy to eat... although, I have to say, Melian's description sounds very enticing...
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Old 08-29-2007, 08:51 PM   #15
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Although I realize that power exchange in a feeding relationship can go any which way (or be non-existent), I'm personally attracted to the idea of being a dominant feeder, especially forcing a guy to eat... although, I have to say, Melian's description sounds very enticing...
Mmm, this is my dream come true. I would love this kind of relationship with a female feeder.
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Old 09-06-2007, 11:21 AM   #16
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Mm well I'm very involved with BDSM and for me, I associate being a feedee with being a submissive (which is what I am).

I've only met one other person involved in BDSM who was involved in weight gain, however I'm sure there are more out there...Though just being involved in BDSM does not mean you have to apply whips and chains and pain to everything you do- merely that one person is in control, the other isn't...depending of course the general terms of which both parties are involved.
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