What makes a good FA lover?

[Ample Pie]

Dear BBW and SSBBW,

If in your estimation and experience, what makes a good FA and/or FFA lover? What qualities? What characteristics? What techniques?

I realize this is going to change from person to person and preference to preference, but I'm interested in hearing various answers .

Yours,

Rebecca

[AnnMarie]

The best lovers I've been with are sensual, responsive, inquisitive, adventurous, engaged, eager, etc. I think those definitely span any attraction the person may have.

The difference between an FA with those qualities and a regular ol' Joe with them is where attention or adoration is focused sometimes. While I would hate to be with a man who focused only on my belly or ass or legs (been there, sort of a "wake me when you're done" feeling) to the exclusion of my more typical sexual parts, being with a man who acknowledges those parts and pays worship with touch and tongue and speech... there is nothing hotter. To have ALL of you enjoyed and appreciated, not just the "girl" parts.

I love my girlie parts, and if they're ignored or not used well... well, it's going to be an issue, but having the entire range of touches is what brings the sex/intimacy to a whole other level.

The feel of being with a man, that close, sharing something so personal, but having his hands and eyes drink in all of you. Running their hands over your hips and curves like they're memorizing the size and shapes. Fingers running along creases and curves, lingering on the softest parts, a healthy squeeze now and then just to bring you back to that raw feeling.

It's heady and wonderful. My fondest hope is that all women, who are open to such an encounter, get the chance... it was life changing for me. An epiphany of what I never understood, how it should be.

[Ample Pie]

Well I was hoping for things specific to FAs and SS/BBWs ...a lot of things will be the same as for any coupling, but there will be differences too.

(just making note, not taking issue with your post AnnMarie )

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

The best lovers I've been with are sensual, responsive, inquisitive, adventurous, engaged, eager, etc. I think those definitely span any attraction the person may have.

The difference between an FA with those qualities and a regular ol' Joe with them is where attention or adoration is focused sometimes. While I would hate to be with a man who focused only on my belly or ass or legs (been there, sort of a "wake me when you're done" feeling) to the exclusion of my more typical sexual parts, being with a man who acknowledges those parts and pays worship with touch and tongue and speech... there is nothing hotter. To have ALL of you enjoyed and appreciated, not just the "girl" parts.

I love my girlie parts, and if they're ignored or not used well... well, it's going to be an issue, but having the entire range of touches is what brings the sex/intimacy to a whole other level.

The feel of being with a man, that close, sharing something so personal, but having his hands and eyes drink in all of you. Running their hands over your hips and curves like they're memorizing the size and shapes. Fingers running along creases and curves, lingering on the softest parts, a healthy squeeze now and then just to bring you back to that raw feeling.

It's heady and wonderful. My fondest hope is that all women, who are open to such an encounter, get the chance... it was life changing for me. An epiphany of what I never understood, how it should be.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by Rebecca

Well I was hoping for things specific to FAs and SS/BBWs ...a lot of things will be the same as for any coupling, but there will be differences too.

(just making note, not taking issue with your post AnnMarie )

Okay, yeah, I thought my post (aside from first line) was pretty much FA centered... if I'm off base let me know more specifically what you're looking for.

If I think a bit more, I guess a more "direct" rather than "perceptual" answer is knowing anatomy down pat. If you know the girl parts, then no matter where I am, or if a belly is blocking, or I'm upside down and backwards, then you'll have no hesitation about getting whatever you're getting (hand/penis/tongue) where it's needing to go. I think there is a certain "no fear" attitude (for me) that helps. I want someone with direct hands and actions, confident in their movements. And that doesn't have to mean experience... just a sure hand, knowing you want to be there and making things happen, not being thrown off by anything that may be difficult or less than graceful.

A sense of humor... don't be so damn serious. Sex with a big fat girl can be funny as hell, and can change on a dime. If I get a leg cramp from a certain position, be willing to change up and don't take it as a personal afront. Sometimes it's just one of those damn things, and there's always a bunch of other fun positions to try. Be flexible (in mind and body!) so that we can have fun and experiment with different things that work for both of us.

Hmm, ok, rambling, will stop there - still not sure if I'm giving you what you're looking for.

[Ample Pie]

Not at all off base, just wanted to be clearer about what I was asking---I wasn't sure I was as clear as I should have been.

Your post was excellent.

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

Okay, yeah, I thought my post (aside from first line) was pretty much FA centered... if I'm off base let me know more specifically what you're looking for.

If I think a bit more, I guess a more "direct" rather than "perceptual" answer is knowing anatomy down pat. If you know the girl parts, then no matter where I am, or if a belly is blocking, or I'm upside down and backwards, then you'll have no hesitation about getting whatever you're getting (hand/penis/tongue) where it's needing to go. I think there is a certain "no fear" attitude (for me) that helps. I want someone with direct hands and actions, confident in their movements. And that doesn't have to mean experience... just a sure hand, knowing you want to be there and making things happen, not being thrown off by anything that may be difficult or less than graceful.

A sense of humor... don't be so damn serious. Sex with a big fat girl can be funny as hell, and can change on a dime. If I get a leg cramp from a certain position, be willing to change up and don't take it as a personal afront. Sometimes it's just one of those damn things, and there's always a bunch of other fun positions to try. Be flexible (in mind and body!) so that we can have fun and experiment with different things that work for both of us.

Hmm, ok, rambling, will stop there - still not sure if I'm giving you what you're looking for.

[ashmamma84]

I've never actually sat down and thought about Babe being a FFA, but that generally she likes thick girls...she is an amazing lover because she is patient, she listens even when I'm not speaking, accomodating, willing to try new things, etc. Taking her time to explore me, love me, and just all around be in awe of my body...she literally loves me from my hair follicles to my toe nails. And I don't know if it's *because* she's an FFA or if it's just simply because she's a giving and seasoned lover...

I don't know if that's the response you are looking for or not, but I guess I'm still trying to put to words how I feel about our intimacy...

[Ample Pie]

I think this is a great answer .

I've been working on my answer--which is sort of why I asked the question. It's been on my mind a lot lately.

Originally Posted by ashmamma84

I've never actually sat down and thought about Babe being a FFA, but that generally she likes thick girls...she is an amazing lover because she is patient, she listens even when I'm not speaking, accomodating, willing to try new things, etc. Taking her time to explore me, love me, and just all around be in awe of my body...she literally loves me from my hair follicles to my toe nails. And I don't know if it's *because* she's an FFA or if it's just simply because she's a giving and seasoned lover...

I don't know if that's the response you are looking for or not, but I guess I'm still trying to put to words how I feel about our intimacy...

[Violet_Beauregard]

In my personal opinion, being with an FA makes the difference in the fact that they are attracted to the fat rolls, the chubby thighs, the fat ass...the whole package... they LIKE that...they're ATTRACTED to that. KNOWING that's what they like and that's what they're attracted to, makes my comfort level skyrocket. I don't have to worry about my appearance....do I look fat, do I look awkward....is he turned off... etc, etc.

Outside of that, someone who is patient, courteous and understanding. Someone who is flexible and willing to listen when I explain about doing a certain thing.

AND, I think AnnMarie's first post was right on the money..... I couldn't have said it better myself.

[troubadours]

aw, i like this thread. so, since i like this and all of you so much, i'll get a bit personal here. dan is the only "real" boyfriend i ever had. in high school, i dated a friend who liked me (pretty sure it's not because i was fat). i "dated" him for five months just to say i had a boyfriend when all my friends did. we were never intimate (not even close... my choice... i was totally unattracted to this dude.) the reason i'm telling you this is just to say that luckily, i'd never been with a non-FA.

when i met dan, it took some convincing that he wasn't completely bullshitting me about liking fatties. the thought of FAs had never crossed my mind before...not to mention i was an insecure, self-conscious wreck with no experience. one of the reasons i am happy to be with dan is because he taught me how to be comfortable with myself. by him loving my body, i'm able to love it myself.

i could never see myself with someone who ISN'T a FA. i love having every inch of me rubbed and squeezed, jiggled and kissed. i love being playfully teased and poked... basically, i agree with everything annmarie said i know i could never have that with someone who is indifferent to fat. i want someone who loves it as much as i do.

[Midori]

Beautiful replies Ann Marie and Violet! I have never been with a self identified FA so perhaps there are differences that I don't yet understand ... I imagine that as Violet said, there would be more freedom in knowing that you don't have to feel self conscious ... that the Man already adored how you look so the awkwardness of that would be over. I wouldn't have to worry about being loved in spite of ... or having to worry that all is well until He actually -sees- me naked. ~laughs~

Otherwise ... aside from the comfort of His preference ... I can't imagine that the things I think are important would change just because a Man is an FA verses a non-identified FA.

I imagine as Ann Marie said ... it would be important that an FA would love all of me ... not just be consumed with parts of me or my fatness. While it's great to be found beautiful as a fat woman ... I don't want to just be the object of somone's kink just because of my fat. I am sure others feel differently ... just my perception.

Regardless of FA status ... a good lover for me needs to be smart, good sense of humor, preferably someone with a great voice, prefereably someone who is into Asian philosophy or something equally interesting, poetry is a great bonus, who loves music, who sees the inner -real- me, who understands me or takes time to understand me, some who is Dominant and understands my submissiveness, someone who wants to see me better but doesn't want to change the essence of who I am, someone who cheers on my passions and introduces me to new ones. Someone who will walk on the -dark side- with me without judging my kinks and someone who is willing to share the -real- them ... who doesn't hold me emotionally at arms length. Oh and it helps if He likes to receive oral! ~grins~

♪midori

[nixonshine]

I have never been with an FA before...in my past I sometimes thought that some of the men I slept with did it in spite of my being fat because they liked me as a person. I am trying to get over this, not only as I become more mature but in light of lurking around here on Dims. I am married now and my husband claims that he definitely loves me the way I am, but I have never heard any specific comment that justified that in my mind. I am not sure if this is a matter of perception or reality..I do know that he is a wonderful man and I know he means it when he says he loves me and is attracted to me, I just don't know if its BECAUSE I'm fat. There are things about him that I am sometimes less attracted to but I don't mind because he IS the one for me. I think this may be a two way street. It seems like it would be awesome to be with an FA because like Violet said, they would be attracted to you because of your body and I think that would be a real confidence booster for sex. Maybe not so much for a commitment, though...depends on what else you have in common.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by kennedyrain

...they would be attracted to you because of your body and I think that would be a real confidence booster for sex. Maybe not so much for a commitment, though...depends on what else you have in common.

As many of our lovely, adjusted FAs have said many times... "the attraction will get us there, but the rest is what keeps us."

FAs are attracted to fat women, not just headless fatness void of personality, it's a whole package thing, so don't let the primary preference of a larger partner make you think any differently. If someone is ONLY into the fat on the partner, they are not an FA - it's an earned "label", not just anyone who'd "do" a fat guy/girl.

I always find it funny that when someone is happily dating a skinny or "average" girl that no one assumes they're only dating them for their body (as an entire social group) yet FAs are accused or suspected of doing it constantly. (Just a general coment, not directed to you kennedy. )

[mpls_girl26]

I find this topic interesting and my initial gut reaction was - it doesn't matter if a person is an FA, FFA or not. A lover is a lover is a lover. I read all the other posts and this has been something I've been thinking about. I think there are certain degrees of FA's and FFA's.

Kennedyrain said "...I do know that he is a wonderful man and I know he means it when he says he loves me and is attracted to me, I just don't know if its BECAUSE I'm fat. " My question to you is - do you want him to love you for who you are as a whole or BECAUSE you are fat? I guess I would prefer the first. I've dated men who openly declare themselves FA's and I personally have had mixed feelings on them. When I am sitting across from someone that I am meeting for the first time at a bar and all they are doing is looking me up and down and bringing up my fat over and over again, I just think WTF?! Sometimes they rely on the fact that they love "fat" and that should be enough.....not for me.

I've had my fair share of lovers of all different shapes, sizes and colors; some FA and some not. For me, if I've made the decision to sleep with someone it's because I am comfortable with them, feel sexy and wanted from that person - does that make them an FA because they are attracted to me? Am I making any sense at all?????

I don't feel any more empowered, sexy or doubtless because I am with a man that is an FA. I don't want a man in bed that is only in bed with me because he loves a big belly, big ass or thick thighs - I want a guy in bed with me because he loves ( or lusts after) ME! I know I failed to answer your question because i don't think I have an answer.

[Sandie_Zitkus]

As I have only ever been with FA's I don't know what regular guys do.

However - my husband is a wonderful lover in that he uses every part of me, even my toes. My body is an enchanted place for him to explore. He never rushes, he takes time for us both to enjoy every minute and he makes sure I am pleased first before he thinks about his own pleasure.

I think the biggest thing is that foreplay happens everyday in that just watching my walk across the room is pleasurable for him and consiquently me.

I would never settle for less.

[Ample Pie]

Well, there are differences, because fat bodies are different than thin bodies---if they weren't, there'd be no FAs or FFAs in the first place. Just for the record.

Obviously, as I stated, there are some similarities---openness, good communication, being considerate of your partner's wants, needs, and responses, etc.

But there are still differences, too. I was hoping for various perspectives in this regard.

This question, however, has NOTHING to do with whether FAs genuinely love the woman or the fat--there's a whole thread for that.

This thread is just about what BBW and SSBBW think make a good FA lover.

Soooooooooooooo

Originally Posted by mpls_girl26

I find this topic interesting and my initial gut reaction was - it doesn't matter if a person is an FA, FFA or not. A lover is a lover is a lover. I read all the other posts and this has been something I've been thinking about. I think there are certain degrees of FA's and FFA's.

Kennedyrain said "...I do know that he is a wonderful man and I know he means it when he says he loves me and is attracted to me, I just don't know if its BECAUSE I'm fat. " My question to you is - do you want him to love you for who you are as a whole or BECAUSE you are fat? I guess I would prefer the first. I've dated men who openly declare themselves FA's and I personally have had mixed feelings on them. When I am sitting across from someone that I am meeting for the first time at a bar and all they are doing is looking me up and down and bringing up my fat over and over again, I just think WTF?! Sometimes they rely on the fact that they love "fat" and that should be enough.....not for me.

I've had my fair share of lovers of all different shapes, sizes and colors; some FA and some not. For me, if I've made the decision to sleep with someone it's because I am comfortable with them, feel sexy and wanted from that person - does that make them an FA because they are attracted to me? Am I making any sense at all?????

I don't feel any more empowered, sexy or doubtless because I am with a man that is an FA. I don't want a man in bed that is only in bed with me because he loves a big belly, big ass or thick thighs - I want a guy in bed with me because he loves ( or lusts after) ME! I know I failed to answer your question because i don't think I have an answer.

[mpls_girl26]

Originally Posted by Rebecca

This thread is just about what BBW and SSBBW think make a good FA lover.

Soooooooooooooo

Well, then I guess my answer is: that there is no distinction for me. Not what you want to hear I guess but that's all I can say. Guess I want the same thing from any lover - FA or not.

Fortunately there are many wonderful women and men out there that can answer this question to your satisfaction.

[Littleghost]

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

FAs are attracted to fat women, not just headless fatness void of personality, it's a whole package thing, so don't let the primary preference of a larger partner make you think any differently.

We do tend to get pissed off by headless shots of fat women.
BTW, lovin' the thread.

[CurvyEm]

To me a good FA lover is someone who drinks you in with his eyes, he has a desire for you that he is hardly able to control. His hands are all over you, trying to touch every part of you at once. He can hardly help himself. He'll touch my lumps and bumps, my rolls and everything else and he'll look like he's in heaven while doing it

And believe me.. I'm one hell of a lucky 22 year old. I've only been with FAs since I was 17 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Tooz]

Simply put. With a non-FA, it's two very "typical" places that get loved on, and that's it. With an FA, everything gets attention, and the attention in and of itself is different-- more loving, almost like I could feel the attraction in it? That probably makes no sense, but this is something that is hard to verbalise, you know?

[The Orange Mage]

Originally Posted by CurvyEm

To me a good FA lover is someone who drinks you in with his eyes, he has a desire for you that he is hardly able to control. His hands are all over you, trying to touch every part of you at once. He can hardly help himself. He'll touch my lumps and bumps, my rolls and everything else and he'll look like he's in heaven while doing it

That pretty much describes the feeling from the male side, too, in my experience.

[nixonshine]

Originally Posted by CurvyEm

To me a good FA lover is someone who drinks you in with his eyes, he has a desire for you that he is hardly able to control. His hands are all over you, trying to touch every part of you at once. He can hardly help himself. He'll touch my lumps and bumps, my rolls and everything else and he'll look like he's in heaven while doing it

And believe me.. I'm one hell of a lucky 22 year old. I've only been with FAs since I was 17 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This was eloquently written, and I think that is what I was trying to say about being with an FA as opposed to a lover who loves you the way you are or "in spite of"(which I really don't think is a good start for a good relationship or good sex, but it happens to the best of us sometimes), Not so much that an FA is attracted to some headless body of a fat woman, but that they take the time to love you all over, bumps and rolls and all as opposed to the 'hot buttons' that the average lover will. At least that is what I would want from an FA as opposed to a non-fa. Yeah, I am definitely happy to have a man who loves all of me, I sometimes fantasize that he really got excited about the bumps and lumps of me too. I dont know how to say this right....I should stop typing now!!!

[virgolicious]

Originally Posted by CurvyEm

To me a good FA lover is someone who drinks you in with his eyes, he has a desire for you that he is hardly able to control. His hands are all over you, trying to touch every part of you at once. He can hardly help himself. He'll touch my lumps and bumps, my rolls and everything else and he'll look like he's in heaven while doing it

And believe me.. I'm one hell of a lucky 22 year old. I've only been with FAs since I was 17 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Kudos to Rebecca for starting this thread and CurvyEm for her eloquent post. I have not been as fortunate as CurvyEm, but I can definitely relate to her experiences with FA lovers. I've only been with two FAs and it is so different from my experience with the others. Sorry I can't offer tips on what makes a good FA lover, but I can tell you the talent is appreciated.

[Violet_Beauregard]

VERY well said Em.....

Originally Posted by CurvyEm

To me a good FA lover is someone who drinks you in with his eyes, he has a desire for you that he is hardly able to control. His hands are all over you, trying to touch every part of you at once. He can hardly help himself. He'll touch my lumps and bumps, my rolls and everything else and he'll look like he's in heaven while doing it

[newlylarge]

CurvyEm, I also agree that your description is right-on for guys as well as for women. In my case, my weight gain was at my girlfriend's request, so naturally, my idea of an ideal FA lover is the way she treated me.

As you described, as I grew fatter and fatter with her encouragement, I could always count on my girlfriend to "drink me in" with her eyes and to seem to be unable to keep her hands off of me as I grew fatter as well as to always want to "touch my lumps and bumps, my rolls and everything else."

I suppose that a "growing guy" generally has fewer "lumps and bumps" than a woman, but we do have them too. When we first started dating, my stomach was completely flat and so, as I gained weight, my belly and other parts of my body definitely developed a few "lumps and bumps." My girlfriend always took note of this and loved to pinch and squeeze my new "lumps and bumps." What more could a guy ask for?

[Ample Pie]

All right, I think I've distilled my feelings on this topic into an answer of sorts.

Yes, I love an open, creative, willing (even eager), giving, communicative, sensitive lover--one who is in touch with my wants/likes/desires/responses and HIS OWN wants/likes/desires/responses.

BUT

What I like in an FA lover, specifically, is a man (or woman, though I haven't experienced FFA lovin' as yet) who knows and appreciates the ways in which fat women are different from thin women---our builds (which are various, of course, even amongst SS/BBW), the ways our bodies are put together, and how the fat/weight affects our senses and sensations. A man who knows that, who really understands that, in addition to the other things I named above, is probably going to win my heart as well as my body.