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Old 08-16-2007, 12:08 AM   #1
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Default How do you define it?

Ok ... I have been reading a great deal on this board lately ... asking a few questions publically ... attempting to ask a few questions privately ... to try to sort out my own impressions and feelings on the issue of feeders/feedees. I realize that -Rome- isn't built in a day and my own impressions and conclusions about myself won't be either ... however ... it's been a driving issue in my mind since finding the Dims board and right now ... it's just something I can't seem to let rest. It's possible that there are other reasons why I am feeling driven and that I'm looking to substitute other things that I am missing in my life right now by this draw ... but I am not sure.

I have never been able to wrap my mind around the concept of intentional weight gain. I am far too early in the whole scene of acceptance to really be able to throw my arms around it and make it mine ... I am however very interested in aspects of feeders/feedees. This brings me to my question ... do most of you who identify in some way with the feeder/feedee thing associate weight change with the whole concept? What I mean to say or ask rather is ... MUST weight change - specifically gain be a part of a relationship that you would personally classify as feeder/feedee? IF weight gain is NOT a part of the dynamic between a person who feeds another and a person who enjoys being fed, then what would you classify it as?

I fear giving too much information because I don't want to make this post so long that no one will bother to read it ... but I will try to quickly explain. In several of my past relationships including the one most recently past ... food was one of many central themes ... however weight gain was not. I was hand fed almost always including in public and did not order my own food. He already knew what I liked ... but I was fed whatever He wished to feed me. Now I realize that I've made no secret of my own M/s lifestyle and I KNOW that others are NOT comfortable with this sort of control. I know others assume this is abusive. I'd rather that be addressed elsewhere ... it was NOT abusive for me and it's not the point of this thread. Because I found this one of the most erotic parts of our interchange ... I have starting wondering more and more about my own tendencies as a feedee for lack of a better word.

Our relationship was a control based exchange and THAT was His primary reason for using food so intimately. It was not about weight gain or loss ... just about demonstrating dominance. I however am looking at it differently now and I am wondering if others classify feeder/feedee relationships only in terms of weight change. Just interested to understand how others think as I develop my own conclusions. Thank you in advance if you are willing to share!

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Last edited by Midori; 08-16-2007 at 12:09 AM. Reason: edit a sentence for clarity
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Old 08-16-2007, 12:39 AM   #2
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Weight change isn't necessary for the feeder/feedee, relationship. Yes it occurs but to what extent i dont really know. what i do know is that using food as an intimate tool is, in this place perfectly reasonable. As is not intentionally gaining/losing weight.
I think the weight change is a completely different thing on its own. It does involve food, but the food turns out not to be the focus in such a thing... something to think about. i'm sure others have much more to add on to what i stated.
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Old 08-16-2007, 01:33 AM   #3
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Question 'Weight Change'

That's the 53 cents(quarter, two dimes, nickel and three pennies) that the FA can put in the best of all possible changepurses. All these new terms{!}, and trying to quantify who's the top and who's the bottom... this was what was so difficult before DIMENSIONS, trying to find empowered, identified-as-fat women... the BDSM porridge was too hot and the NAAFA porridge was too cold... DIMENSIONS was juuuuuuuuuust right. Saying Weight Change when you mean Weight Gain is further attempt at 'cutting and drying'... are we seeking reckless Dionysian abandon or are we wordprocessing an Apollonian graduate thesis?
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Old 08-16-2007, 02:08 AM   #4
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Oh the confusion that is You Mr. Ned ... ~laugh~ . If my terms offend you ... I really am sorry ... I am trying to communicate in the language I am most familiar with while embracing as much of the -new- vernacular that I understand. I am sorry that I used the term change when Weight Gain would have been more PC?

The reason I choose that term is that it occured to me that some feeder/feedee couples might exercise feeding or eating to both fluctuate gain and lose depending upon their moods. Again ... NOT very PC on a weight GAIN board however I guess it's more of a product of my own environment that I envisioned that it could go either way.

Ooooorrrr maybe my own personal phobias slip in under some Freudian cover or another?

I am not sure of your concern over my choices of words ... I AM trying as best I can to communicate respectfully ... yet I get this niggling feeling after reading your posts following mine that I've somehow managed to be insulting AND might constitute a new threat to the delicate ergonomic groove here. And therefore I feel compelled to offer an apology for unintended insult ... again ... please accept.

I am trying to find my way and for me that is about asking honest questions and trying to help something -new- merge into the parts of me that I already understand. I don't expect everyone to relate the way I do ... which is why I am asking the questions ... to understand how OTHERS view these things.

I hope you have a wonderful night Mr. Ned ... and I really hope I make the grade one day and get all the -stuff- right. ~soft smile~

♪midori
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Old 08-16-2007, 02:40 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Ned Sonntag View Post
That's the 53 cents(quarter, two dimes, nickel and three pennies) that the FA can put in the best of all possible changepurses. All these new terms{!}, and trying to quantify who's the top and who's the bottom... this was what was so difficult before DIMENSIONS, trying to find empowered, identified-as-fat women... the BDSM porridge was too hot and the NAAFA porridge was too cold... DIMENSIONS was juuuuuuuuuust right. Saying Weight Change when you mean Weight Gain is further attempt at 'cutting and drying'... are we seeking reckless Dionysian abandon or are we wordprocessing an Apollonian graduate thesis?

We have got to make a term for this. I'm thinking Nedeirisms works.
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Old 08-16-2007, 03:02 AM   #6
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Default it may defy analysis

It may well be that the preferences/motivations/desires expressed on the Board are like quantum theory and defy rational analysis. How many times have we seen the phrase "I just seem to be wired that way?"

Oh, and I think Ned swallowed my thesaurus.........
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Old 08-16-2007, 04:39 AM   #7
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It may well be that the preferences/motivations/desires expressed on the Board are like quantum theory and defy rational analysis. How many times have we seen the phrase "I just seem to be wired that way?"

Oh, and I think Ned swallowed my thesaurus.........
I think at this point I'm simply trying to figure out how -the way I'm wired- fits into things! ~smiles~

Please know however, that my question to others isn't a why ... but rather a how does one personally define the terms or what do they feel that they mean? I accept the -why- of the enjoyment factor I'd just like to know how others define it for themselves or how they classify what constitutes a feeder/feedee relationship. Surely not every relationship involving food at all would qualify so I'm trying to qualify my own -status- in the soup so to speak.

♪midori
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Old 08-16-2007, 05:33 AM   #8
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I think this is a wonderful question, Midori. I hope more people weigh in with their thoughts.

Is erotic weight gain ALWAYS a part of a feeder/feedee dynamic?
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Old 08-16-2007, 05:45 AM   #9
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Default Not Always

That can come down to genetics as much as anything. Some folks just don't gain well and sometimes it's more about the fantasy of gaining than the reality anyway.
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Old 08-16-2007, 07:49 AM   #10
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Default My take on it

(kind of long and rambling, sorry!)

I’ve heard that for the number of people living there, there is really not all that much in the way of cultural institutions in northern New Jersey. The reason is pretty obvious—it is close to New York city, which has so much, that it is hard to compete. It is not that Manhattan is an inherently better place for a museum, art gallery, or club—in fact basically it is worse, because it is basically a long narrow island, with all the accessibility issues that entails. But the things were there first, and reached a sufficient mass that nothing within a couple of hours drive has much chance of competing unless it has a special niche.

I think the terms feeder and feedee have a kind of analogous position. They were the first terms popularized in this whole area of sexuality, and so everything has become centered around them, and it is very hard for any other term to gain currency in this area. It is not that they are the best terms, or are useful in describing everything and anyone, anymore than the NYC art’s scene is necessarily good at catching the reality of living in New Jersey. But they are there, and I doubt we can get them to move.

All of which is a round-a-bout way of saying that asking “what is a feeder” (or feedee) or “what does it mean to you” is a bit like asking “what is the American experience” or “what do women want.” If you go beyond almost meaningless generalities, you’ll quickly find that there is huge variation.

Having said all of that, I think there are three main themes under the feeding banner. One is erotic weight gain. One is erotic eating. And one is power. Some people are interested in only one of those three, some in two, some maybe in all three. There are people who just want to gain weight (or help a willing someone to gain weight) and would happily use a magic spell and bypass food altogether. I’ve talked to one woman who isn’t much interested in food and doesn’t find fat erotically appealing, but all the same has powerful fantasies of being forced to gain weight. There are people to whom even thinking about a browsing through a great smorgasboard can make them weak in the knees, but have no erotic attachment to fat or weight gain at all. And so on. There are other themes that fall under the feeding umbrella too, I’m sure, but those seem to be the most popular ones.

For my part, I’m turned on by fat, and by deliberate weight gain. To some extent also by the sensuality of food, especially eating stuff with a specific decision to not worry if it is fattening. I think that for me a lot of the eroticism comes from the sort of giving into temptation moment, when one faces a choice, and makes the one embracing sensuality instead of conventional wisdom.

Regards;

-Ed
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Old 08-16-2007, 10:49 AM   #11
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Default Ergonomic Groove

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Originally Posted by Midori View Post
Oh the confusion that is You Mr. Ned ... ~laugh~ . If my terms offend you ... I really am sorry ... I am trying to communicate in the language I am most familiar with while embracing as much of the -new- vernacular that I understand. I am sorry that I used the term change when Weight Gain would have been more PC?

The reason I choose that term is that it occured to me that some feeder/feedee couples might exercise feeding or eating to both fluctuate gain and lose depending upon their moods. Again ... NOT very PC on a weight GAIN board however I guess it's more of a product of my own environment that I envisioned that it could go either way.

Ooooorrrr maybe my own personal phobias slip in under some Freudian cover or another?

I am not sure of your concern over my choices of words ... I AM trying as best I can to communicate respectfully ... yet I get this niggling feeling after reading your posts following mine that I've somehow managed to be insulting AND might constitute a new threat to the delicate ergonomic groove here. And therefore I feel compelled to offer an apology for unintended insult ... again ... please accept.

I am trying to find my way and for me that is about asking honest questions and trying to help something -new- merge into the parts of me that I already understand. I don't expect everyone to relate the way I do ... which is why I am asking the questions ... to understand how OTHERS view these things.

I hope you have a wonderful night Mr. Ned ... and I really hope I make the grade one day and get all the -stuff- right. ~soft smile~

♪midori
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Old 08-16-2007, 10:54 AM   #12
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personally, in my own relationship, a lot of it is roleplaying. not because either of us are skeptical about me gaining (hardly! i've already gained 40 lbs in the past year with no intention of stopping), but usually because honestly, it can get financially inconvenient. i can't afford to by myself 5 cakes everynight. that's not to say we don't do actual feeding stuff, i'm just saying.. a lot of usually stays as fantasy. which is fine. it just makes the times where i actually get fed so much hotter.

i hope that didn't get too off track. the point i'm trying to make is that gaining, or investing so much time in “trying” to, isn't really a necessity because so much of it is already fantasy, but it sort of comes with the territory. the bigger i get, the hungrier i am, the more i eat… the cycle repeats. and it's fucking hot to see that my top roll, which was once smaller than my bottom one, is now starting to hang over it.
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Old 08-16-2007, 11:29 AM   #13
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runawayf1ve, thank you so much for your reply ... each response helps in -fleshing- out my perspective at this point!

SoVerySoft, thanks for the cheer! Yer the bomb!

Rebecca, actually that's a really good point ... thank you for sharing. Was just reading something that you wrote on another thread and was cracking up! Thank you for that too!

edx, I appreciate the time you took in elaborating on your views. I was very interested in your three main categories and it was really helpful in my search to try to -squeeze- myself into a personal label ~grins~. Currently I think I'm into the control aspect the most and THAT powerful control manifests itself in gaining weight to please. I think that's why I am so concerned about things like safe and sane ... because my own drives surround a desire to please and for those who are like me ... it can be -more- dangerous perhaps, unless we have partners who are responsible and very tuned in to the mental AND physical health of their partner.

It's a difficult line to dance along when you are considering a body modification that you may not necessarily want (weight gain) for a result that you do want, if that makes sense. My own desire to please is NOT due to low self-esteem contrary to what a lot of people assume about those with -like- preferences or turn ons. I'm actually a real handful and submission is a choice not a default or doormat condition. ~laughs~ However, most in my general sub-culture know that not all are in a healthy place with their overall self esteem and this makes them vulnerable to abuses from those who seek gratuituous pleasure without the responsibility aspect of the relationship.

At this point I am strongly drawn to the idea of a mutually gratifying feeder/feedee relationship who also had similar ideas regarding safe, sane, and responsible commitment.

-eh ... hope this wasn't too much information!

troubadours, not off track at all! I loved what you had to say and it makes perfect sense to me. I am not able to eat very very large amounts of food at one time due to previous surgery ... however ... I think anytime you are dealing with the erotic, much of it HAS to involve the mind and the stimulation of it through fantasy and play. It IS the biggest sex organ after all! Too, it's good to see that the ability to gain considerable amount of weight very quickly isn't a deal-breaker criteria. Obviously it's going to be a gradual side effect but if it's a requirement for fulfillment, I fear that I would not be able to do so on a quick scale because of my physical limitations in consumption. ~laughs~

I suppose too that health concerns arise for me when considering a huge weight gain because I don't want to lose mobility or to get sick again with diabetes and really high blood pressure. So weight gain monitored and dictated by my health would have to be the way I would need to go. Still I find feeding very erotic and sensual so ... perhaps there is hope for me! ~grins~

Btw ... I LOVE LOVE LOVE your pic. Everytime I see it, it makes me smile. I can't explain it but you are adorable and you just have a great -presence- about you in your pic! Thank you so much for sharing with me!

Mr. Ned, ~laughs~ I think I understand what you are saying! Maybe a little anyway. Please be patient with me ... I promise I'm not fully cooked yet ... I'm like slow rising dough I suppose.

Incidently ... I looked up some of your work ... AMAZING! I'm definitely a fan!

Again ... thanks all who have shared! The time you took to give a glimpse is very very appreciated!

♪midori
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Old 08-16-2007, 11:45 AM   #14
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That can come down to genetics as much as anything. Some folks just don't gain well and sometimes it's more about the fantasy of gaining than the reality anyway.
Exactly! And I echo Randi here, Midori... it's a good post, excellent question and certainly nothing to apologize for.

Ignore Ned, he's verbose. He's one of the last things most members master.
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Old 08-16-2007, 11:56 AM   #15
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troubadours, not off track at all! I loved what you had to say and it makes perfect sense to me. I am not able to eat very very large amounts of food at one time due to previous surgery ... however ... I think anytime you are dealing with the erotic, much of it HAS to involve the mind and the stimulation of it through fantasy and play. It IS the biggest sex organ after all! Too, it's good to see that the ability to gain considerable amount of weight very quickly isn't a deal-breaker criteria. Obviously it's going to be a gradual side effect but if it's a requirement for fulfillment, I fear that I would not be able to do so on a quick scale because of my physical limitations in consumption. ~laughs~

I suppose too that health concerns arise for me when considering a huge weight gain because I don't want to lose mobility or to get sick again with diabetes and really high blood pressure. So weight gain monitored and dictated by my health would have to be the way I would need to go. Still I find feeding very erotic and sensual so ... perhaps there is hope for me! ~grins~

Btw ... I LOVE LOVE LOVE your pic. Everytime I see it, it makes me smile. I can't explain it but you are adorable and you just have a great -presence- about you in your pic! Thank you so much for sharing with me![/COLOR]
honestly, before i started gaining, i ate like a bird. i definitely have a bigger appetite now... it takes me a few more slices of pizza to be full. maybe it's because i now equate the feeling of fullness with something sexual, maybe it's because it just tastes so good... probably a bit of both

your health is, of course, more important than anything else, so you definitely have to put that first. start off slow, and maybe with foods that are less of a risk for you (you mentioned diabetes.. avoid things with high sugar - hard, i know!, but there are places that specialize in sugar-free foods - or things with high sodium to avoid high blood pressure.

the other most important thing is that you have fun with it. the first time you experience it, you'll know if it's for you or not. i think your intrest in it is great, and i definitely encourage it! feederism made me confident about my body in ways i never thought i could be. the prospect of there being even more of me to look at and feel is amazing.

i hope you're happy with whatever you decide to do and i look forward to hearing more as you explore more!

btw, thank you for the compliment you're very sweet!
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Old 08-16-2007, 12:16 PM   #16
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edx, I appreciate the time you took in elaborating on your views. I was very interested in your three main categories and it was really helpful in my search to try to -squeeze- myself into a personal label ~grins~. Currently I think I'm into the control aspect the most and THAT powerful control manifests itself in gaining weight to please. I think that's why I am so concerned about things like safe and sane ... because my own drives surround a desire to please and for those who are like me ... it can be -more- dangerous perhaps, unless we have partners who are responsible and very tuned in to the mental AND physical health of their partner.

It's a difficult line to dance along when you are considering a body modification that you may not necessarily want (weight gain) for a result that you do want, if that makes sense. My own desire to please is NOT due to low self-esteem contrary to what a lot of people assume about those with -like- preferences or turn ons. I'm actually a real handful and submission is a choice not a default or doormat condition. ~laughs~ However, most in my general sub-culture know that not all are in a healthy place with their overall self esteem and this makes them vulnerable to abuses from those who seek gratuituous pleasure without the responsibility aspect of the relationship.

At this point I am strongly drawn to the idea of a mutually gratifying feeder/feedee relationship who also had similar ideas regarding safe, sane, and responsible commitment.

-eh ... hope this wasn't too much information!

Midori;

First, to be clear, I was just trying to identify some major themes you see amongst people lumped under the feeder/feedee categories, not trying to create sub-categories. The entire array of what people like is usually so complex that I don't think any number of terms would ever describe people accurately. Just like with most things, I suppose.

I think I understand roughly what you are talking about with the submissive side. My wife and each have submissive sides, of differing details. The result is that neither of us get those itches scratched much, so I try not to think about the itch too often--but I can certainly see the appeal in certain areas of that.

For me I love to please, so to be told exactly how to please, and appreciated for that.....I'm not so sure that the drive is so strong in my case that I'd want to make it a central part of a relationship in reality, but, ummm, yah, I can certainly go glassy eyed and weak kneed thinking about it. Certainly following those desires with the wrong person, however, could be awful. I've certainly thought about how delightful that could be in a feeder/feedee type way, though.....I guess it is one of those things where you take some risk, with a potential for great reward or greater danger.

Well, best of luck on figuring out what it is that winds your clock, and then on finding it!

Regards;

-Ed
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Old 08-18-2007, 04:07 PM   #17
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...Ignore Ned, he's verbose. He's one of the last things most members master.

eek! Some people have mastered him? I need to take remedial Ned so I can catch up!
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Old 08-18-2007, 04:35 PM   #18
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That can come down to genetics as much as anything. Some folks just don't gain well and sometimes it's more about the fantasy of gaining than the reality anyway.
Bingo. For example, my girlfriend actually likes the idea of gaining for a few reasons (she loves her butt and the power it has over me, and knows just by looking at all the other females in her family that a good amount of weight gain is likely down the road anyways) but since her metabolism is currently pretty decent, her weight doesn't change much at the moment.

For us right now, it's more the fantasy of what will or might be in the future. Even if it doesn't happen, it's still a delicious fantasy for all involved.
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Old 09-17-2007, 11:58 AM   #19
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personally, in my own relationship, a lot of it is roleplaying. not because either of us are skeptical about me gaining (hardly! i've already gained 40 lbs in the past year with no intention of stopping), but usually because honestly, it can get financially inconvenient. i can't afford to by myself 5 cakes everynight. that's not to say we don't do actual feeding stuff, i'm just saying.. a lot of usually stays as fantasy. which is fine. it just makes the times where i actually get fed so much hotter.

i hope that didn't get too off track. the point i'm trying to make is that gaining, or investing so much time in “trying” to, isn't really a necessity because so much of it is already fantasy, but it sort of comes with the territory. the bigger i get, the hungrier i am, the more i eat… the cycle repeats. and it's fucking hot to see that my top roll, which was once smaller than my bottom one, is now starting to hang over it.
I applaud you ms. troubadors.
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Old 09-18-2007, 06:24 PM   #20
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Q: Is erotic weight gain ALWAYS a part of a feeder/feedee dynamic?

A: My reading, discussing, listening, and talking has lead me to think that no, weight gain does not have to be part of a feeder/feedee dynamic and/or people's definitions of "feederim."
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Old 09-20-2007, 02:52 PM   #21
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.

Our relationship was a control based exchange and THAT was His primary reason for using food so intimately. It was not about weight gain or loss ... just about demonstrating dominance. I however am looking at it differently now and I am wondering if others classify feeder/feedee relationships only in terms of weight change. Just interested to understand how others think as I develop my own conclusions. Thank you in advance if you are willing to share!

♪midori
Yeah, some people like the whole control thing. It goes both ways, to be controlled, or to control. And, I suppose some feeders fit into this category. But the control dynamic is not always a part of it.

In my personal opinion, I'd shy away from control based relationships. . . I see them often enough, and I see them trainwreck often enough. I guess, if it is your thing, more power to you, just know its a strange balancing point.
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Old 09-21-2007, 09:34 PM   #22
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Ok ... I have been reading a great deal on this board lately ... asking a few questions publically ... attempting to ask a few questions privately ... to try to sort out my own impressions and feelings on the issue of feeders/feedees. I realize that -Rome- isn't built in a day and my own impressions and conclusions about myself won't be either ... however ... it's been a driving issue in my mind since finding the Dims board and right now ... it's just something I can't seem to let rest. It's possible that there are other reasons why I am feeling driven and that I'm looking to substitute other things that I am missing in my life right now by this draw ... but I am not sure.

I have never been able to wrap my mind around the concept of intentional weight gain. I am far too early in the whole scene of acceptance to really be able to throw my arms around it and make it mine ... I am however very interested in aspects of feeders/feedees. This brings me to my question ... do most of you who identify in some way with the feeder/feedee thing associate weight change with the whole concept? What I mean to say or ask rather is ... MUST weight change - specifically gain be a part of a relationship that you would personally classify as feeder/feedee? IF weight gain is NOT a part of the dynamic between a person who feeds another and a person who enjoys being fed, then what would you classify it as?

I fear giving too much information because I don't want to make this post so long that no one will bother to read it ... but I will try to quickly explain. In several of my past relationships including the one most recently past ... food was one of many central themes ... however weight gain was not. I was hand fed almost always including in public and did not order my own food. He already knew what I liked ... but I was fed whatever He wished to feed me. Now I realize that I've made no secret of my own M/s lifestyle and I KNOW that others are NOT comfortable with this sort of control. I know others assume this is abusive. I'd rather that be addressed elsewhere ... it was NOT abusive for me and it's not the point of this thread. Because I found this one of the most erotic parts of our interchange ... I have starting wondering more and more about my own tendencies as a feedee for lack of a better word.

Our relationship was a control based exchange and THAT was His primary reason for using food so intimately. It was not about weight gain or loss ... just about demonstrating dominance. I however am looking at it differently now and I am wondering if others classify feeder/feedee relationships only in terms of weight change. Just interested to understand how others think as I develop my own conclusions. Thank you in advance if you are willing to share!

It's going to be different with different couples. For some feeding will be about dominance alone (I think that will be in the distinct minority here), for others it's about dominance combined with fat gain or fat maintenace, but for many it's only about fat gain or fat maintenance. A lot of couples I suspect alternate between these in some form or another when the mood strikes.

For myself I will say I've always found the fantasy of forcing a woman to get fat or fatter for my pleasure very enticing to the animal parts of my brain. Dominating and feeding her into a super soft fat doll for me to use as I see fit.
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Old 09-22-2007, 05:35 PM   #23
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I suppose weight/change isn't necessary for a feeder/feedee..depeneds some feeders get mad at you if you loose inches or something thats just my opinion
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Old 09-27-2007, 02:49 PM   #24
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Lol..."Remedial Ned"...the problem is that he's far too widely read, and he uses many obscure literary, classical, and pop culture references. I have to google one or more terms for 9 of every ten posts he's written that I read.
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