Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > The Lounge



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-30-2007, 11:59 PM   #1
_msz.lyric
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: in your belly
Posts: 86
_msz.lyric can now change their title
Default So My Friend Tried To Commit Suicide Tonight.

And it scared the hell outta me. I've never dealt with anything like that before, and I feel like I'm having some sort of heart attack right now. My chest feels like its caving in and its hard for me to breathe. But to be honest with you, I always have this feeling when I talk to this particular friend.

I was not with him tonight. We were chatting online and I was just telling him some personal stuff, and he always finds a way to bring the conversation back around to us going out.

I care about him, but I don't like him that way. He's known since the beginning that I don't want to be his girlfriend. But he's like constantly complimenting me or trying to ask me out in ways that AREN'T subtle.. he just puts way too much pressure on me, and that's why I have such anxiety.

I've never had anybody do that to me before. Like I literally have to step outside and just take a breather. And last week I told him I wouldn't talk to him until Thursday, because he wasn't giving me space. So he texted me, and I caved and talked to him. And now I'm having that feeling all over again.

I guess I get that way, because he seems emotionally unstable. And from what he has told me, he's tried to commit suicide before. He's a really nice guy, but I feel like I'm talking to a baby sometimes. I can't be with anybody I have to talk down to, you know?

And no matter how much I tried to put it to him nicely... and sometimes just bluntly, he won't get it!

Tonight I think was the last straw for me. And I'm not trying to be insensitive, but that scares me that someone would hurt themselves over me. Especially when I made it clear that I only wanted to be friends. I just can't have it on my conscious if his attempts finally go through.

I thought about just going out with him to get him off my back, but I can't lie to him. And I can't make myself unhappy just to please him.

I just need to know if I'm doing the right thing letting this friendship go. I tried before and the last time he had a fit. I've tried to be his friend, but I think its really starting to affect my health.

And if I do tell him I don't want to be friends anymore, how do I go about it? I feel so bad right now. I'm like on the brink of tears.. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to grab him and shake him and tell him to get a grip. There are plenty of women out there and someone's going to love him.

I don't know anymore.
_msz.lyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 12:23 AM   #2
Gspoon
Spoonah
 
Gspoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 727
Gspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging inGspoon makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

I'm sorry about your friend

I have had friends attempt suicide, I am just glad I can yell at them the next day for trying something stupid. I am just glad your friend is alive and ok

Spoony
__________________
"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
Gspoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 12:24 AM   #3
mossystate
flicks a booger on conrad
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,129
mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

lyric..wow..that is a huge burden to carry..

Please keep telling yourself that this is not about you. I understand how hard it is, because you would not have the anxiety if you were a heartless person. Some are just really good at lashing out at whoever is willing to listen to them.

You are just so smart to not cave to his emotional manipulation..at least it sounds as if you have had enough. Also sounds like you really have tried being there for him. As heartwrenching as it is, he might need to do whatever it is he might do.

I know he must have a lot of ' issues ' that have nothing to do with his wanting to date you, and people can direct their pain to the nearest bit of warmth, and at the same time be downright abusive about it. It's just not right that he is doing this to you.

I am so sorry you have to be up at this hour, feeling so rotten. Can you try to tell yourself..over and over..that none of this is your doing? Please do some deep breathing..or whatever it is that calms you.

You have to wonder if he has done this to other people who show him kindness. I feel for people who are in dark pits..I know what those look like...but I hate when I hear stories like this. A cry for help is one thing, but he wants you to feel guilty..and I fucking hate that, when it is telling a person that if they don't do as I say, I will hurt myself and YOU are to blame.

If you do decide to totally cut things off with him, you might say something like you hope he gets the help he needs and that he is in your thoughts..and then leave it. That way, you show compassion...but you also say you are moving on.

lyrics..I hope you get some rest, tonight...take good care..
mossystate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 12:35 AM   #4
Waxwing
Reckless Hero
 
Waxwing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: PDX
Posts: 3,177
Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Waxwing has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

What an awful and stressful thing for you. I'm so sorry.

I've been on both sides of this. And I can glibly say that you should cut off this guy because he is an emotional leech and is bad for you. But I can also say that from the perspective of the one who is hurting, because coddling him won't help. If he is going to choose that path, you can't stop him, and it isn't your responsibility to do so. If he is just doing it to make you look and make you stay, then doing so won't give him strength to move on with his life and learn to be a healthier person.

The situation you're in is terrible and shitty and I wish I had some better advice. But all you can do is tell your friend that you care about him but that you can't carry him emotionally. Nobody can do that for him. He may not be able to even do that for himself, but that, ultimately (and as horrible and hard as it is) isn't your burden.
__________________
"Twice shy and dog tired because you've been bitten/
Everything you say now sounds like it was ghost-written"
Waxwing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 12:42 AM   #5
Les Toil
On Timeout
 
Les Toil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Berkeley, CA
Posts: 1,933
Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Les Toil has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

You don't need the anxiety Msr Lyric. You really need to just cut him off. He can live without you, and if he can't, well that's truly not your problem. You have to carry on with your life. If this guy is as unstable as you say, you definitely need to ease your way out of his life. He clearly doesn't care how this is affecting you as it's all about his needs. It's selfishness in the worst way. He's causing you stress and stress is EXTREMELY unhealthy.

Good luck and peace.

Les
Les Toil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 12:47 AM   #6
Canonista
Rep Dealer
 
Canonista's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,103
Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Canonista has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Les Toil View Post
You don't need the anxiety Msr Lyric. You really need to just cut him off. He can live without you, and if he can't, well that's truly not your problem. You have to carry on with your life. If this guy is as unstable as you say, you definitely need to ease your way out of his life. He clearly doesn't care how this is affecting you as it's all about his needs. It's selfishness in the worst way. He's causing you stress and stress is EXTREMELY unhealthy.

Good luck and peace.

Les
Pretty much sums up what I would've said if he didn't.
__________________
"I like the libertarian view, which is to leave everyone alone." Clint Eastwood in USA Today (January 25, 2004)
Canonista is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 03:27 PM   #7
_msz.lyric
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: in your belly
Posts: 86
_msz.lyric can now change their title
Default

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to try and ease him out of my life. I mean I feel for him, because I know what he's been through, but everyone's been through stuff. He's just so clingy. I'm not used to that.

He is okay, BTW.

I mean I don't even know what to say to him, but I'm going to take another break from him and get it down to calling him once in a while to losing contact with each other. I haven't even known him that long for him to be that way.

Thanks again.
_msz.lyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 04:23 PM   #8
mottiemushroom
Give it some welly!!!
 
mottiemushroom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 2,317
mottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticedmottiemushroom never has a post go unnoticed
Default

I agree, you have to detach yourself from this unhealthy situation.

First of all, no matter how much you may want to help him as long as you remain his focus you will not be able to. He is laying emotional blackmail on you to make you stay in his life. Also any interaction you have with him seems to only convince him that there is hope of a full relationship with you. If he really cared about you he would understand how unfair he is being on you (at least to some degree).

Secondly, whilst this situation continues you will get ill yourself with the worry of it all - & you won't be able to help youself, let alone anyone else if you get ill. A general rule of thumb that i adhere to (i learned from past experiance) it's no use trying to help those that won't help themselves.

Good luck with a most difficult situation.
__________________


I'm just a likkle mushroom .... fed on bulls**t & kept in the dark - but still i thrive :p


http://www.myspace.com/mottiescowpatcottage
mottiemushroom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 04:31 PM   #9
Ernest Nagel
is old
 
Ernest Nagel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Arlington, TX
Posts: 2,661
Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!Ernest Nagel keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default A bit harsher suggestion

Having dealt with a large number of highly dysfunctional people over the years I can assure you there is one primary reason for their behavior. In some way, at some level it gets them what they want, be that sympathy, attention, control, you name it. You may be able to softly and amicably dislodge him in the way you've described, Lyric, but I think it's both fair and safe to say you've only foisted him on some unsuspecting codependent who will become the next link in his chain of fools.

If you really want to help him end this behavior you will document it in a way that allows him to be tracked, identified and possibly treated by the system designed to do such. Nasty as it may sound I'm talking TRO here. A temporary restraining order will help to make his patterns visible to others who may encounter his manipulations. You may find this advice untenable but I would feel personally remiss in not offering it. You clearly have the emotional strength and self-awareness to deal with his totally inappropriate behavior. What if his next target doesn't?

I know I'm considered by some people on these boards to be an irredeemable asshole. I'm not using it as an excuse for my offenses but one of the ways I got to be where and who I am is by dealing professionally with very toxic, dysfunctional and/or sociopathic individuals. Just to be clear, I am not a trained mental health care professional. My accountability was more in the legal domain. I've had to deal firsthand with the grief and damage caused by people such as you've described too many times to count. I am suggesting out of sincere concern that you can help prevent this individual from harming someone less able to protect themselves. Entirely your choice. You have both my respect and sympathy in either case.
__________________
"You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation." ~ Bette Davis
Ernest Nagel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2007, 05:27 PM   #10
_msz.lyric
On Timeout
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: in your belly
Posts: 86
_msz.lyric can now change their title
Default

I think that I am making him out to be a bad person. I don't think he is that bad to where I need to get a restraining order. I agree that he needs help, but I'm not going to embarrass him like that. He's a really good person and he's been through a lot.

I mean if I was in his shoes, I wouldn't want anyone to turn their back on me. He has no one that is there for him. He works two jobs and he doesn't have any friends. I am probably the only friend he has at the moment. That's another reason I haven't left him alone.

A restraining order is taking it too far.
_msz.lyric is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:00 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.