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Old 12-10-2007, 08:37 PM   #1
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Default I need your thoughts on HOT bodies.....

Hmmm I am not exactly sure how to write this post, if I really should write this post, or what I am trying to do by writing it but here goes....


As of late, I have been confused by my boyfriend and I am seeking some thoughts on this topic.

I know and have known since shortly after I met my boyfriend in person that he accepted me as I am. In fact most of the time he has encouraged me to just be myself and I can tell from his words and his actions that he adores me physically and mentally. The problem that has sometimes cropped up from time to time is my difficulty understanding how someone can truly find a wide variety of peoples physical bodies "hot". He has commented in passing conversations that he finds this person or that persons body 'hot'. Most of the time these 'hot' bodied comments are in regards to thinner women. A lot less often, he might comment that a BBW type of woman looked 'hot' etc....the latest as of last night.....he described Jamie Lee Curtis's body as 'hot'. And for some reason last night, it really finally all caught up to me and I wondered to myself: How can he think Jamie Lee Curtis's body is "hot" but at the same time think my body is "hot". I have to tell you that "Jamie Lee Curtis's body is probably the furthest in comparision to my body. I perceive her body to be taut, cut, muscular, thin, angular and more manly than many female bodies........my body is sooooo sooooo different than that. I was left feeling frustrated and confused. We discussed the issue of how I felt and how he couldnt really explain this 'hot' body stuff to me well enough for me to understand how he can find Jamie Lee Curtis's body "hot" at the same time as finding my body "hot". I just don't get it and he didn't seem to understand why I couldnt.

Please don't get me wrong.....he lavishes attention, kisses, affection, and loving caresses on my body all the time. I told him though, that probably due to my past history of scars from physical beauty perceptions (realistic and unrealistic) that I might have over reacted to this whole thing; however, at the same time, I am left wondering if what his true ideal is....there is such a crevasse of difference. I also expressed to him that when he points out, time and time again in descriptions about who has a 'hot' body, and that the majority of those body types being thin or hollywood type bodies, that it makes me more insecure about my body type and I question more and more if he truly likes my body. I asked him if he would like it if I pointed out a certain body type to be hot that was not any where close to his type of body. He said it wouldnt bother him....I dont believe that.

I know it all probably sounds convoluted in how I express this. I know that usually I am pretty secure in who I am, this time though it really makes me question what is going on in his mind. I can't seem to get it through my head that someone could consider my body hot at the same time as saying a thin woman (stereotypically trophy type bodied) is hot.

Am I confused or is he confused about what is "hot" or has society screwed us all up with this size discrimination? I know rationally that people can find many people attractive...of all shapes and sizes....I guess its just that the majority of the time when he talks about "hot" bodies or"hotties"......they are thinner women.

Give me your thoughts

Thanks


Tara
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:42 PM   #2
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Hi Tara. Nice to see you around again. Some people do find wide variety of bodies, looks, personalities, hot. For instance, I find Vin Diesel hot, also George Clooney. Also John Goodman, and Kevin Smith. Then again, I like lots of different kinds of music, movies, books, ethnicities in food, etc. Why must one just stick with one type or genre that interests, elates, excites us? Eclecticism is kind of a trademark of mine, and I dig it, because the more things we enjoy, the more we enjoy life, IMO.

ETA: I should add that my husband can find thinner women beautiful, too, just not sexually appealing. There is a difference. Maybe the two of you really need to have a talk so you better understand each other?
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Last edited by Tina; 12-10-2007 at 08:48 PM.
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:44 PM   #3
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I've met a few guys who can find a 120lbs woman as sexy as a 350lbs woman. They're rare, but they do exist.

I'd go by the way he treats you and makes you feel... although if these things he says make you feel somewhat insecure, then that is an issue you should discuss with him. It sounds like his admiration, devotion, and respect for you far outweigh these occasional mentions of celebrities though, and that's a thing to weigh very heavily (as it seems you do... you know what's "really" important.)

I'd have the same conversation if I were you. It doesn't mean he's wrong or doing anything wrong, but it would personally bother me. I don't really want to be with a guy who can find a 110lbs actress' body "hot"... now if he thinks she's pretty, that's fine.

I'd be far happier with "she's so damn pretty... but not fat enough for me!".
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:48 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina View Post
Hi Tara. Nice to see you around again. Some people do find wide variety of bodies, looks, personalities, hot. For instance, I find Vin Diesel hot, also George Clooney. Also John Goodman, and Kevin Smith. Then again, I like lots of different kinds of music, movies, books, ethnicities in food, etc. Why must one just stick with one type or genre that interests, elates, excites us? Eclecticism is kind of a trademark of mine, and I dig it, because the more things we enjoy, the more we enjoy life, IMO.
Exactly what I would have said
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Old 12-10-2007, 09:04 PM   #5
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True confessions...

I can remember two female strangers who brought me out in a stuttering, cold sweat at a distance. One was a sales rep who was trying to get my account. She was very slim and incredibly feminine. Looking back she wasn't "my type" at all, but she still had the effect. And she knew it.
The other was a mother behind me at a checkout. She was a very large lady, in a cheap shapeless dress, and she was so hungry she had opened a packet of luncheon sausage and was eating slices before it went through. There was something about the wanton desire that was an incredible turn-on.
Naturally being a gentleman I did nothing on either occasion; but I've never forgotten either.
So there you go, yes, categorically, it is possible to be attracted to more than one body type.
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Old 12-10-2007, 09:17 PM   #6
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Default I'm the same way.

I have a good friend who's over 200 pounds who I find insanely, totally, and completely hot. He's incredibley sexy and makes me weak in the knees just thinking about him. He has a soft little double chin, a wonderfully broad torso and gut, thick and VERY sexy legs and the nicest love handles in recorded history.

I'm currently seeing a skinny guy who's around 130 pounds who I also think is hot. He's taut, muscley, and really strong. When his shirt is off I can see every muscle and tendon, and watching him work out really is poetry in motion. Seriously a work of art.

I don't see anything weird about finding two different men to be attractive. None of this means I'm going to find every fat guy or every skinny guy to be appealing, just these two. I don't see where it's any different from liking, say, both dark chocolate and pizza. They taste different, but both taste good, and not one better than the other.
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:00 PM   #7
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I also don't find it difficult to understand being attracted to women of many different sizes. For me, a woman is physically attractive based first on her face, then on the general proportions of the rest of her.

Although I eventually married a BBW, I wasn't searching for Miss Right based strictly on physical attributes. I think it's important to have the emotional depth to find what's pleasing physically about someone who is desirable intellectually. In that respect, a man who is only attracted to BBWs may be just as shallow as one who rejects them based on their size. The fact that your boyfriend finds hotness among multiple body types is what I would consider a healthy sign that he appreciates you for being you. If he only went for BBWs it might suggest he's into you more for your body.

Last edited by AC4400CW; 12-10-2007 at 10:02 PM. Reason: Because I decided to.
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:21 PM   #8
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As everyone else has mentioned, physical attraction can be more than just overall shape. Maybe it's the eyes of one person, the smile of another, the legs of another and the attitude of another. My own crushes have no rhyme or reason, they range from James Spader to Gary Dourdan to Alton Brown (a man who can cook makes me weak in the knees ) And my own husband looks nothing like any of these men! But i don't find him any less attractive

i've worked with only men for the past 4 years and i'm convinced a man can be mesmerized by a single feature and disregard everything else. i'm more of a whole picture kinda gal myself...but hey, i try not to judge the butt and breast ogling at work LOL
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:21 AM   #9
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Default One more thing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tarella View Post
this time though it really makes me question what is going on in his mind.
One of the lovely things about men is we really are that simple. If we honestly mean what we say, then thats all there is; there are no layers of meaning, no subtleties. Your man says and acts like he finds you attractive. That really is the end of the story. There is nothing else going on in there.

[Down here there is an ad running at the moment that features a dinner party of friends with one women who cracks the joke "When a man says he isn't thinking about anything................ he really means it!".]
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:47 AM   #10
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I agree with the others here that how he treats you is the most important thing. I can completely understand a guy being able to find thin women attractive, this doesn't necessarily lessen his appreciation for larger figures (such as your's.)

I also wouldn't read too much into your observation that he seems to be commenting more on thin women being "hot". Very likely, he isn't consciously emphasizing the "hot" thin women he points out over the "hot" fat women. There is simply more imagery of thin women out there in the general media than there is imagery of fat women. If his comments bother you, talk to him about it. He is the only one who can fully explain his comments.
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Old 12-11-2007, 03:23 AM   #11
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I summon the master of the diverse taste palette ...

JON BLAZE! *performs awakening spell*

As for myself, I'm only attracted sexually to bigger girls. So I would never refer to thinner women as "hot." I might say "attractive," but I wouldn't mean it in anything other than a facial way.
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:29 AM   #12
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Default Post Script...

Tarella, tell your boyfriend I think you are hot...




Also just for the record, I wasn't suggesting you have a "we need to talk" moment with your bo... I would never wish that upon my fellow man.
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:59 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tarella View Post
(...) The problem that has sometimes cropped up from time to time is my difficulty understanding how someone can truly find a wide variety of peoples physical bodies "hot". He has commented in passing conversations that he finds this person or that persons body 'hot'. Most of the time these 'hot' bodied comments are in regards to thinner women. A lot less often, he might comment that a BBW type of woman looked 'hot' etc (...)
I'm in the same boat as your boyfriend. I can find almost the entire range of female 'shapes' "hot". Even skinnier girls, to a certain limit at least. What doesn't happen that often though

I can't speak for your boyfriend. But for me the physical attributes are just a 'scheme' that comes to 'life' by the way a particular lady moves, dresses, talks ... by her overall presence. And by her personality. All those qualities can make a 'skinnier' girl look hot for me. In other words, "hot" is not just physical quality.

Ok, i could have made things simpler by just telling that i don't have a straightforward body type preference
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Old 12-11-2007, 05:36 AM   #14
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I'm gonna make one little point here about something that'd effect how I'd feel in this situation. I really do understand how people can find lots of types attractive. I really do. *I* do. From spindly dudes to redwood trees, in terms of size.

But..."hot." That word is so hot-button, such the word du jour. You say he uses it more about skinny than fat women and that I think would bother me. "Hot" as people use it seems to be reserved for the socially sanctioned as fuckable chicks who represent current beauty ideals the strongest. Younger. Skinnier. Whatever. If somebody found that term not as applicable to fat girls...I think it'd bother me. If somebody felt like they had to haul out careful PC terms to describe their lust for fat girls (NOT saying he's doing that--just making a point), instead of just saying "she's hot," then that would rub me the wrong way.

This probably seems like men's worst nightmare of women's hair-splitting minutiae-obsessed randomized interpersonal it's-not-WHAT-you-say, it's-HOW-you-say-it crap . hehehe. But it's one of those things, esp. as language person, that would--and has--bothered me. We get to be "hot" too.
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Old 12-11-2007, 06:12 AM   #15
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I wouldn't date a guy who preferred only fat chicks or thin ones, there's just no appeal in someone like that so I can definitely understand how a bloke could find all sizes attractive. From a purely aesthetic point of view I find the female body absolutely fascinating from borderline anorexic models to those pushing 500 pounds, the rolls, the hipbones, double chins, cheeks so hollow you could store winter's worth of food, you know how it goes. I don't have any trouble believing a man might feel the same way.

Maybe your problem is that you're trying to wrap your head around this concept as it relates to you? If you're feeling hurt or even just confused you might be looking to put a bad spin on the situation to make yourself feel better. I don't have any real advice except to let you know that I've dated guys who find me attractive when I'm thin and when I'm plump, as well as a hottie who went out with me on and off from plump to plain old fat. These men exist!
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Old 12-11-2007, 06:22 AM   #16
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Hi Tara, there are a few ways to look at this. One is that he's with you, not out looking for anyone else. Also, I don't know if I'd use the words "Hot Body" but there are plenty of very pretty woman of all shapes and sizes that I am attracted to. That doesn't mean that if I had my choice I'd want to be with them instead my wife. Men will always look. You can say it's the nature of the beast but, looking and acting are two different things. I don't know about other men in here but when I see my wife, I don't see her as a specific body type. I see her as my wife, the individule. As to who he finds hot you have to understand that these images are fantasy. The woman who he claims to have "hot bodies" don't look like that in real life. I would hope that the typical male who claims to be a FA is in reality able to see beauty in all (well most) body types and really see woman as individules and not just body types. While I may prefer to live with a woman who isn't thin, that isn't to say there are no pretty/sexy thin woman. I'm just able to see beauty in many physical types. That doesn't make me weird, it makes me heterosexual. Now as to Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm sure your BF is a nice guy but, well to each their own. I wouldn't worry about his comments. He must feel secure enough in your relationship, that he can share these feelings with you. I'd be willing to bet that every man in here envy's him because he's fortunate enough to be in a relationship with you.
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:21 PM   #17
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Warning: lots of opinions ahead. They are worth you pay for them. Your mileage may vary. These are based on nothing but my own observations, so may match no reality other than my own. Buyer beware. Take with a cup full of salt. No warranty express or implied, etc. Also, it is long. You’ve been warned

I’m going to start off copying in a piece I have up on my web page (I may have posted it on the old boards once upon a time, I don’t remember)

Quote:
I have a theory about attraction. Most of us have numerous "hot buttons," things that attract us or turn us on. Some are physical features, some mental, some are character traits or characteristic ways of moving.

For most people, these hot buttons are fairly varied, and sometimes even mutually exclusive. All the same, often a number of them cluster together such that you will tend to find them in one person. One person might like, amongst other things: "softness," "largeness," and "big bellies," while another may have a cluster of: "double chins," "full hips," "large thighs," and "big appetite." They will both be FAs, but for very different reasons, and while they may be attracted to some of the same women, they may often be attracted to very different women too. On top of those hot buttons that make them FAs, they may have preferences in face shape, hair colour, personalities, education, fashion sense, and myriad of other things that will cause them to prefer one woman of a certain size over another, and may at times even cause them to fall for a woman that isn't at all like their general physical preference.

For some FAs "fat" or "size" will be one of their hot buttons, and they may prefer women as fat or big as possible. For most FAs, however, their attraction is to a number of features that you tend to find in BBWs, and for them depending on the exact mix they might like smallish, medium, large, or all sizes of big women. Sometimes one person has more than one cluster of attractions. Some guys like chubby girls and super-sized women, but are less interested in ones in the middle. Some guys may find all different sizes of big attractive, but for mostly different reasons. Some guys will find both very toned athletic women and very fat and out of shape women attractive. The variety that comes from the mix of individual hot buttons is amazing, and a single term like "FA" really doesn't come close to catching the range of preferences.

Going slightly off topic, I think that the same applies to what makes you feel sexy. It is very possible to desire both to be toned and strong and fast, and want a huge soft belly and to consume huge amounts of junk food, and to see both of these states as being sexy.
We humans tend not to be simple beings…..
That is a several year old piece, but it still mostly describes how I feel. But I’ll add some more to it.

I’m an FA, no question of it. Since at least puberty, and probably before, I’ve preferred soft and curvy women. But sometimes muscular and athletic women will take my breath away, when they are doing something. The way their body flows and moves is just awesome. Not that I’d ever be inclined to link up with such a woman, but seeing a top sprinter running for example, I often would describe as hot. And it is not just muscular athletic women. For example Halle Barre, when she has a certain sort of half-smile on her face: incredibly hot to me. Some thin but curvy women move in just the right way that totally hits my ‘hot’ button. And so on.

So, if you happen to think a variety of women’s bodies are hot, which types do you think will most often be shown in flattering light in our culture? So how often do you think you’d see ‘hot’ examples of those different body types? In my case, despite being pretty heavily an FA, I still see more ‘hot’ thin women than I do ‘hot’ big women (outside of Dimensions). Just because I see so many more thin women, even if a far smaller portion of them appear hot to me, I’ll still see more of them.

So, the fact that he sees some thin women as hot, and more often sees those than hot fat women, I would not think is really a cause for concern, from a relationship point of view. Whether or not it appeals to your ideal of how you would like life to be, I don’t know, and this could be an issue of sorts. This is maybe not as big an issue as ‘is he really into me,’ but it is still a big issue. How we want to be appreciated is, I think, almost as important as being appreciated. To take a different example, imagine that you thought you were doing a great job at work, and one day your boss talks to you, and says you are such a great employee, because you always remember your co-workers birthdays. What about all the other stuff you’ve achieved, that is what you want to be appreciated for, but all that is being recognized is something that you view as a minor kindness. So I wonder, in the inner-most sanctuary of your thoughts, how would you like to be appreciated? How would you like him to view you versus other women? (I’m not saying to respond here, just to think about it). Once you are clear what you want and need in that regard, maybe there is something you can talk to him about, or maybe how he appreciates and how you would like to be appreciated will never line up exactly, and once you realize that you can find ways to live with it. (I know my wife and I are mismatched in this regard to a fair degree, but we rub along quite well all the same now. It did cause some friction earlier on, before we each accepted this).

But the whole mentioning to you that another woman is hot? That would bug me. I know some guys think this is something like the ultimate expression of trust and comfort, but for me it seems disrespectful. If it was not for the thin women part, would it bug you? (that is, if he only mentioned how hot other fat women were). If it would, then maybe that is something you could ask, in some nice way, that he not do? If it is only about the thin women, well, maybe you could get that message to him too? I don’t know your relationship at all, but often even without a “we need to talk” type moment, it is possible to get your opinions across pretty clearly.

Best of luck, and wishes for contentment and happiness.

-Ed
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:51 PM   #18
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Hmmm I am not exactly sure how to write this post, if I really should write this post, or what I am trying to do by writing it but here goes....


As of late, I have been confused by my boyfriend and I am seeking some thoughts on this topic.

I know and have known since shortly after I met my boyfriend in person that he accepted me as I am. In fact most of the time he has encouraged me to just be myself and I can tell from his words and his actions that he adores me physically and mentally. The problem that has sometimes cropped up from time to time is my difficulty understanding how someone can truly find a wide variety of peoples physical bodies "hot". He has commented in passing conversations that he finds this person or that persons body 'hot'. Most of the time these 'hot' bodied comments are in regards to thinner women. A lot less often, he might comment that a BBW type of woman looked 'hot' etc....the latest as of last night.....he described Jamie Lee Curtis's body as 'hot'. And for some reason last night, it really finally all caught up to me and I wondered to myself: How can he think Jamie Lee Curtis's body is "hot" but at the same time think my body is "hot". I have to tell you that "Jamie Lee Curtis's body is probably the furthest in comparision to my body. I perceive her body to be taut, cut, muscular, thin, angular and more manly than many female bodies........my body is sooooo sooooo different than that. I was left feeling frustrated and confused. We discussed the issue of how I felt and how he couldnt really explain this 'hot' body stuff to me well enough for me to understand how he can find Jamie Lee Curtis's body "hot" at the same time as finding my body "hot". I just don't get it and he didn't seem to understand why I couldnt.

Please don't get me wrong.....he lavishes attention, kisses, affection, and loving caresses on my body all the time. I told him though, that probably due to my past history of scars from physical beauty perceptions (realistic and unrealistic) that I might have over reacted to this whole thing; however, at the same time, I am left wondering if what his true ideal is....there is such a crevasse of difference. I also expressed to him that when he points out, time and time again in descriptions about who has a 'hot' body, and that the majority of those body types being thin or hollywood type bodies, that it makes me more insecure about my body type and I question more and more if he truly likes my body. I asked him if he would like it if I pointed out a certain body type to be hot that was not any where close to his type of body. He said it wouldnt bother him....I dont believe that.

I know it all probably sounds convoluted in how I express this. I know that usually I am pretty secure in who I am, this time though it really makes me question what is going on in his mind. I can't seem to get it through my head that someone could consider my body hot at the same time as saying a thin woman (stereotypically trophy type bodied) is hot.

Am I confused or is he confused about what is "hot" or has society screwed us all up with this size discrimination? I know rationally that people can find many people attractive...of all shapes and sizes....I guess its just that the majority of the time when he talks about "hot" bodies or"hotties"......they are thinner women.

Give me your thoughts

Thanks


Tara

My situation is passingly similar, but in reverse. My husband likes soft, curvy, well-rounded figures. His preference is for a woman at least 50 pounds heavier than I currently am. *My* preference for myself is to be 10 pounds lighter than I currently am. I know that he loves me, but I also know that he thinks that I am too thin (and by the way, I'm 5'6" and weigh close to 160 pounds ... I'm not exactly anorexic here). I don't fault him for his preference, but it's still not a great situation for either of us to find ourselves in. He wants me to, at the very least, stop losing weight. I want to be comfortable with myself. Impasse.

I say "passingly similar" because you find yourself with a man who *does* lavish you with attention & affection, and thinks that you are beautiful just as you are. Count yourself among the fortunate, and stop worrying about the disparity between yourself and other women that he also happens to find hot. He likes women in all ranges of sizes. He's a keeper
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:30 PM   #19
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I've met a few guys who can find a 120lbs woman as sexy as a 350lbs woman. They're rare, but they do exist.

...words...

I'd be far happier with "she's so damn pretty... but not fat enough for me!".

I think I fall into both categories with a major tenancy towards the latter statement. On the rare occasion that I am turned on by a skinny girl the first thought I have immediately after the initial "omg hello nurse..." is speculation as to how much more attractive she would look if she were heavier.
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:35 PM   #20
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Hi Tara. Nice to see you around again. Some people do find wide variety of bodies, looks, personalities, hot. For instance, I find Vin Diesel hot, also George Clooney. Also John Goodman, and Kevin Smith. Then again, I like lots of different kinds of music, movies, books, ethnicities in food, etc. Why must one just stick with one type or genre that interests, elates, excites us? Eclecticism is kind of a trademark of mine, and I dig it, because the more things we enjoy, the more we enjoy life, IMO.

ETA: I should add that my husband can find thinner women beautiful, too, just not sexually appealing. There is a difference. Maybe the two of you really need to have a talk so you better understand each other?
Thank you Tina! It is so nice to have your reply. The replies on this thread have helped. Interestingly enough, I have never been confused in regards to this topic as I too, find a variety of men and their different body types attractive. Thanks for your sincere reply.

Tara
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:36 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
I've met a few guys who can find a 120lbs woman as sexy as a 350lbs woman. They're rare, but they do exist.

I'd go by the way he treats you and makes you feel... although if these things he says make you feel somewhat insecure, then that is an issue you should discuss with him. It sounds like his admiration, devotion, and respect for you far outweigh these occasional mentions of celebrities though, and that's a thing to weigh very heavily (as it seems you do... you know what's "really" important.)

I'd have the same conversation if I were you. It doesn't mean he's wrong or doing anything wrong, but it would personally bother me. I don't really want to be with a guy who can find a 110lbs actress' body "hot"... now if he thinks she's pretty, that's fine.

I'd be far happier with "she's so damn pretty... but not fat enough for me!".

LOL I would be happier too with that last comment

Thanks for your reply

Sincerely,

Tara
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:39 PM   #22
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In that respect, a man who is only attracted to BBWs may be just as shallow as one who rejects them based on their size. The fact that your boyfriend finds hotness among multiple body types is what I would consider a healthy sign that he appreciates you for being you.
Thanks AC4400CW, that is an excellent point.

Tara
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:43 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by southernfa View Post
One of the lovely things about men is we really are that simple. If we honestly mean what we say, then thats all there is; there are no layers of meaning, no subtleties. Your man says and acts like he finds you attractive. That really is the end of the story. There is nothing else going on in there.

[Down here there is an ad running at the moment that features a dinner party of friends with one women who cracks the joke "When a man says he isn't thinking about anything................ he really means it!".]
I am often guilty of trying to see too much in a situation, or behavior, or comment. I think that this is true of women more so than men. Thanks for reminding me about this aspect. I have to try and remember that.....too much analysis gets me into trouble at times

Thanks again,

Tara
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:45 PM   #24
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I agree with the others here that how he treats you is the most important thing. I can completely understand a guy being able to find thin women attractive, this doesn't necessarily lessen his appreciation for larger figures (such as your's.)

I also wouldn't read too much into your observation that he seems to be commenting more on thin women being "hot". Very likely, he isn't consciously emphasizing the "hot" thin women he points out over the "hot" fat women. There is simply more imagery of thin women out there in the general media than there is imagery of fat women. If his comments bother you, talk to him about it. He is the only one who can fully explain his comments.
FA_Man_Stan,

Thank you for the reply and also the compliment. Everyone's comments have helped me realize to not get too tied up into his comments but to react to his actions and how he treats me more. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Sincerely,

Tara
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Old 12-11-2007, 04:51 PM   #25
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I'm gonna make one little point here about something that'd effect how I'd feel in this situation. I really do understand how people can find lots of types attractive. I really do. *I* do. From spindly dudes to redwood trees, in terms of size.

But..."hot." That word is so hot-button, such the word du jour. You say he uses it more about skinny than fat women and that I think would bother me. "Hot" as people use it seems to be reserved for the socially sanctioned as fuckable chicks who represent current beauty ideals the strongest. Younger. Skinnier. Whatever. If somebody found that term not as applicable to fat girls...I think it'd bother me. If somebody felt like they had to haul out careful PC terms to describe their lust for fat girls (NOT saying he's doing that--just making a point), instead of just saying "she's hot," then that would rub me the wrong way.

This probably seems like men's worst nightmare of women's hair-splitting minutiae-obsessed randomized interpersonal it's-not-WHAT-you-say, it's-HOW-you-say-it crap . hehehe. But it's one of those things, esp. as language person, that would--and has--bothered me. We get to be "hot" too.
Yes, perhaps this is part of what made the situation not sit well with me. Maybe its because I wish there werent societally driven labels, or perhaps I wish that these labels didnt leave a person feeling that this group of people is better or valued than another group of people. Ie. 'hot' thin trophy women versus the rest of us.....I know that my boyfriend didn't say this to me as a slam to me but somehow it does make me feel "lesser than"*shrugs*

I don't know. I think this is something that irritates me and those that label people that way. I have always tried hard not to place labels on people.

Thanks for your perspective Liz*S*

Tara
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