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Old 12-17-2007, 04:20 PM   #1
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Default I miss my wifes added curves and weight!

Several years back, my wife and I had 3 wonderful babies one right after the other and her 5' 3" or so slightly curvy figure filled out beautifully in all proportions (somewhat of a pear figure wide hips, love handles, large thighs, large lower belly roll with very large breasts and narrower shoulders.) I finally had my dream of my very attractive once workout queen wife softening and fattening up for good I hoped.

She went from 125 lbs. to 180 + lbs. after the birth of our third child and extremely slowly shedded more lbs. in the first year and a half after her last delivery. Even when she went back to the gym she really did not lose the weight easily so she stopped working out so aggressively and stayed around 165 + lbs. close to two years after the last delivery. Which I was fully content with.

She knows how much I love her with a fuller figure but for some reason society makes her mind up and she thinks I am crazy to like her "Horribly FAT" as she calls it. Little does she know I would love to see her 200 + lbs. or way more even though I know that would never happen. She continued to slowly lose weight and obviously got applause from her friends and everyone even though our sex life definitely was'nt the same. (She was much more passionate and sexual with her extra weight as well as I was with her weight too! Even though she was embarrased about her fatter figure in front of her friends, she was not shy with with her added lbs. in the bedroom. It seems she got most frusterated around me when she was heavier when she tried to fit into some jeans or a skirt and would get totally frusterated and it would turn into and evil mood. )

She finally got down to 135 lbs. or so with me being very much bummed about it. I did not even know she weighed 135 lbs. untill I had her step on a scale (something I would not dare do when she was heavier for fear she would diet) at a hotel one night on vacation and she complained that she had gained weight. I was shocked, "she gained weight" and she was at 135 lbs. I went into a slight depression over this on the trip. I have voiced my opinions many times about how I would love for her to fill out her figure a little more than it currently is with out much success. She will gain 2-3 lbs. from eating more sweets and lack of some workouts and act totally disgusted because she has to squeeze into her jeans, where I am excited just to see the modest of gains these days.

We recently came home from back to back vacations 15 + days away and I have noticed she has certainly gained more than her 2-3 lbs. I would say she has almost gained a good 10 lbs. and she is looking so extremely breathtaking to me I can hardly keep my hands off of her new curves. I am so excited but at the same time concerned she will lose this weight over the next month and we will be back to the smaller very skinny in my eyes wife of mine.

I can't even imagine her losing this weight, I actually want her to be back at 165 lbs. at least. I am on a frusterating roller coaster of emotions over the last 4 years. I find myself dreaming of her gaining weight and instead it never happens, so I find myself looking at other full figured heavier women in public settings and wishing my wife would weigh as much as them.

Worse yet, I find myself being even more attracted to even heavier figured women compared to what I used to. She knows I like fuller figures on women but I believe she thinks of it as much slighter than actually is the case.
However I find women in the ssbbw range attractive which she probably think's I like women jsut a little fuller figured. I do however believe that if she was 165 lbs. I would be very excited and happy/ content.

How can I get her to not only keep this extra 10 lbs. but have her pack on 20+ more lbs. and love it maybe not as much as me but love it for me?
We are differant types of personalities, In a joking playfull conversation I have asked her to gain weight for a fuller figure and I would do anything she wanted me to (I lift weights and have a muscular football player build but not exactly a six pack for abs anymore.) "I asked her if she wanted me to get cut and lean up with full abs" for her if she gained weight for me, and she said I could stand to lose a little fat in my belly in a joking manner but she did not commit to anything. So over the next 2 months I leaned up and had my abs showing noticeably more and she actually seemed to lose a little bit of weight.

So what can I do to have my wife gain weight and stay on that path, because I feel it is starting to put a strain on my sexual desire for her. For example even with this extra 10 lbs. I can't take my hands or eyes off of her lately, I do feel if she ends up losing this weight she just gained I will be totally bummed and feel like I am missing out on having what I envision as a more fulfilling experience with my wife. I know this is all on me, but I crave the extra weight on her that was once there and I don't think I can ever let this go, I want her but I NEED her fatter!!!

I know many of you have been here and understand, so any helpful advice would be great! This is me I am built this way and I can't help but put myself in situations I hear and see all the time but only with my wife.
For example A friend from work's wife is continually gaining weight and look's great every time I see her she has put on more weight and he is constantly telling her she needs to lose weight and diet. The next time I see her she is bigger yet. (Why can't this be my wife?)

I can't tell you how amazing it was when my wife had her fuller figure. I was in a dream I was so fulfilled with her physically, sexually and mentally. She was more relaxed and happy seeming except for certain times when she had her fat moments.

I am rambling, so any good thoughts on how to have my wife fatten up and actually see thing's the way I do?
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Old 12-17-2007, 05:23 PM   #2
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Old 12-17-2007, 06:32 PM   #3
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Yeah, if you can think of things other'n brainwashing, electroshock, and drugs I'm all ears. Unforunately opinions like this are sort've like genitalia: everyone has 'em, women's are pretty deap-seated, and they're not easy to change without counselling and surgery. I'd reccomend you just keep making your preferences known and try not to be a bear about it. It's her body and if she really wants to shove it into those old ratty jeans there's very little that you can do about it.
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Old 12-17-2007, 06:33 PM   #4
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What you wrote to us? Write it to her in a letter. Clean it up a bit, but the emotion and passion is there. She should see this, and you two need to have a long chat about this situation. No number of anonymous Internet folk will give you the answer you want; only a conversation with your wife can yield that.
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Old 12-17-2007, 07:24 PM   #5
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Yeah, if you can think of things other'n brainwashing, electroshock, and drugs I'm all ears.
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Old 12-17-2007, 11:01 PM   #6
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Yeah, if you can think of things other'n brainwashing, electroshock, and drugs I'm all ears. Unforunately opinions like this are sort've like genitalia: everyone has 'em, women's are pretty deap-seated, and they're not easy to change without counselling and surgery. I'd reccomend you just keep making your preferences known and try not to be a bear about it. It's her body and if she really wants to shove it into those old ratty jeans there's very little that you can do about it.
So true. My ex goes about 170-180. Not fat by Dimensions standards, but she had a terrible body image and sexual self-esteem b/c of her weight. Four years of compliments by me (I loved her body) had no discernible effect on her state of mind. It's my considered opinion that when you tell a woman you like her body how it is, or heavier, they tend to automatically write it off as you "just being nice," since society has so thoroughly enculturated in them the idea that fatness is universally repulsive.
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Old 12-18-2007, 01:26 AM   #7
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Be honest, tread carefully and don't be surprised of the corner to be placed in should an ultimatum be sent your way.
I was always told that its better to tell her an give her a choice etc. than to let things manifest inside and reveal itself in other ways etc.
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Old 12-18-2007, 06:30 AM   #8
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Default One Question.

If having an obese woman in your bed is the be all and end all for you, as it seems to be, why did you marry a 125 pound "workout queen"?

According to your post, your moods and sexual desire for your wife are actually tied into ten pounds here or there. That sucks for both of you, and candidly (assuming you are not a troll) it would suck to be married to a man who never STFU about weight and how she always needs to change for you. If you'd actually go into a depression over ten pounds, maybe you should just get divorced since it's THAT big of a deal to you.
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Old 12-18-2007, 06:37 AM   #9
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Why did you marry a thin woman if you like fat women? Did you think that "slightly curvy" meant she'd get fat if you got her pregnant and fed her a whole bunch of food? I don't get it.

Either you love someone enough to look past their perceived flaws - and clearly you loved her enough to marry your wife - or you can't deal with that stuff and should get a divorce to make both of you happy. Could be expensive what with alimony and child support; guess you should have thought of that before marrying a woman who prefers being thin.

What made me lol was the part about you toning up for her. I mean, she obviously prefers you more buff but didn't say anything about it. Maybe she knows from your disaproval of her weight loss how bad it feels when someone who's supposed to care disparages your figure just because it's not to their taste.

And depression over weight loss? Sheesh. I like my men toned and tanned but I don't think I'd ever get depressed because of a change in physique. Emo much?

I guess I just don't understand how someone can marry a relatively slim women and become prissy when the woman doesn't become the dream fatty. You say you could be happy with a slightly heavier wife but you're also finding your fat preferences increasing? Eh. It's no different than the man who marries a fat woman and expects her to diet down to the skinny minnie of his dreams. Just not fair to either party, but especially to the poor woman.
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Old 12-18-2007, 08:12 AM   #10
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If having an obese woman in your bed is the be all and end all for you, as it seems to be, why did you marry a 125 pound "workout queen"?
O T M
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Old 12-18-2007, 08:32 AM   #11
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O T M
What does OTM mean?
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Old 12-18-2007, 01:25 PM   #12
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What does OTM mean?
I was wondering that too. Googling only got me this list: http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/OTM

Of all of it, outbound telemarketing seemed most relevant to the thread topic....

To the original poster: The short answer is: you can't.

Believe me, you are far-far-far from the first FA who has been in this situation. I once ran a yahoo group called FA-husbands, and this was the most common topic of conversation. It seems a lot of FA get themselves into this situation.

The slightly longer answer is: Should she please you, or please herself? As a general rule, asking your partner, in any area, to please you when that directly displeases them self, is relationship nitroglycerin. It is not stable, and sooner or later it is almost sure to explode. Experience of many-many-many people seems to say that if someone does not perceive being fat to be sexy now, the odds of them ever changing to perceive it that way is very low. So she's probably never going to prefer being fat.

So look at it this way, say your wife told you that really, she's more attracted to women. She knows you can never become the woman of her dreams, but she doesn't want to leave you. So would you start wearing some women's clothes? And say you did wear panties on vacation, to please her. Afterwards you want to go back to your normal, but she says "well since you did that, could you start wearing women's pants, they aren't that obviously different, I doubt it would draw much attention to you.... Now, a few guys would be thrilled, it is what they've always wanted. A few more would not mind at all, and could come to get into it, even if they had not previously been interested in cross dressing. The vast majority though, no, never going to appeal to them, and being constantly asked to do so is going to drive them crazy.

So does it suck when your libido is going more and more one way, and she's going more and more the other? Yep, big time. Are any of your choices especially appealing? Nope, not really. So I suggest focus on enjoying family life, and accept that your sex life is probably in for a long, rocky, road for the next while, until either your fantasies and desires change, or her goals and desires for herself change.

Best of luck with it.

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Old 12-18-2007, 01:28 PM   #13
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What does OTM mean?
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I was wondering that too. Googling only got me this list: http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/OTM

Of all of it, outbound telemarketing seemed most relevant to the thread topic....
Quote:
OTM On the Mark
How's that fit?
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Old 12-18-2007, 01:47 PM   #14
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Default I can understand this, actually.....

I went through this whole thing myself. When I met my wife, I found her very attractive, but knew she was a lot thinner than the body type I usually preferred. At the time though, I found out she was skipping a lot of meals and basically going out of her way to stay thin - under the notion that no guy would find her attractive otherwise.

I was pretty confident that since we "clicked" in so many other ways, it was just a matter of time before she'd decide I really was serious about staying with her, and she didn't have to do the "dieting act" anymore out of some misguided fear of being alone otherwise.

Unfortunately, I got a really "mixed" reaction from her. At one point, she gained quite a bit of weight (some intentionally), but I became worried when it seemed she wasn't really happy about it - and felt it was some sort of "concession" she made just to make ME happy. In the long run, it seems her weight gain was sort of an experiment on her part, to see if she could learn to be happy with it -- and she decided she couldn't. But then, she wasn't really willing to put forth the effort to lose it again - so she just went around complaining about it instead.

A lot of other things ended up going wrong with our marriage, and we're divorced now. The weight issue really was a very minor factor in that (if it was one at all), but it probably did reflect on the bigger issue of her outlook on life and willingness to be open-minded, etc. etc.

I don't claim to have "the answers" really. But I do think a marriage really can't count on "physical looks" as a valid type of "glue" to help hold it together. Looks are just part of the initial "spark" of attraction that gets 2 people together, and keeps them interested through that whole "courtship phase". Most people change with age and don't look much like they looked when they first got married. Likewise, many people don't stay the same size throughout a marriage either.


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Why did you marry a thin woman if you like fat women? Did you think that "slightly curvy" meant she'd get fat if you got her pregnant and fed her a whole bunch of food? I don't get it.

Either you love someone enough to look past their perceived flaws - and clearly you loved her enough to marry your wife - or you can't deal with that stuff and should get a divorce to make both of you happy. Could be expensive what with alimony and child support; guess you should have thought of that before marrying a woman who prefers being thin.

What made me lol was the part about you toning up for her. I mean, she obviously prefers you more buff but didn't say anything about it. Maybe she knows from your disaproval of her weight loss how bad it feels when someone who's supposed to care disparages your figure just because it's not to their taste.

And depression over weight loss? Sheesh. I like my men toned and tanned but I don't think I'd ever get depressed because of a change in physique. Emo much?

I guess I just don't understand how someone can marry a relatively slim women and become prissy when the woman doesn't become the dream fatty. You say you could be happy with a slightly heavier wife but you're also finding your fat preferences increasing? Eh. It's no different than the man who marries a fat woman and expects her to diet down to the skinny minnie of his dreams. Just not fair to either party, but especially to the poor woman.
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Old 12-18-2007, 01:49 PM   #15
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So true. My ex goes about 170-180. Not fat by Dimensions standards, but she had a terrible body image and sexual self-esteem b/c of her weight. Four years of compliments by me (I loved her body) had no discernible effect on her state of mind. It's my considered opinion that when you tell a woman you like her body how it is, or heavier, they tend to automatically write it off as you "just being nice," since society has so thoroughly enculturated in them the idea that fatness is universally repulsive.
MisterGuy, not directed at you personally ... just something I picked out of your post. The part that I highlighted above ... one of my biggest pet peeves ... people thinking that compliments and expressions of desire can somehow change someone else's self-esteem. That's really presuming a lot, isn't it?

To the OP: Your wife has to be comfortable with the body that she's in. Apparently, she's not happy with the extra weight. Your choice becomes: Can you live with it? If not, then eventually, you'll have to make that clear to her, and move on.
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Old 12-18-2007, 02:22 PM   #16
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MisterGuy, not directed at you personally ... just something I picked out of your post. The part that I highlighted above ... one of my biggest pet peeves ... people thinking that compliments and expressions of desire can somehow change someone else's self-esteem. That's really presuming a lot, isn't it?

To the OP: Your wife has to be comfortable with the body that she's in. Apparently, she's not happy with the extra weight. Your choice becomes: Can you live with it? If not, then eventually, you'll have to make that clear to her, and move on.
Also not directed at anyone in particular, but I think lots of women find it really annoying and insulting when men say things like "Why won't she just listen to me when I tell her _______ ?" It's almost as if you can't deal with the fact that there really is not a right or wrong answer, just a difference of opinions. Beauty is subjective, so is size. What she considers too big or just right or too small might just not be in line with what you consider the "right" size.

And on that note, it's also amazingly annoying when men write off women's choices to lose weight as merely being slaves to society. I just cringe whenever I read things along the lines of "she gave into society and lost weight". Sure people are influenced by friends and family and the media, but please give us some credit for being able to make up our own minds, have our own opinions, and make choices based on what makes us happiest. If it goes against some FA's notion of what's appealing, that does not mean the woman in question is just some brainwashed sheep who can't think for herself and if she could ONLY break free of that, she's weigh 500 pounds.
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Old 12-18-2007, 03:10 PM   #17
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So why is caving in to your desires any different than "caving in to society's"?

Don't hurt yourself. I'll answer for you: IT ISN'T. You're not liberating her; you're entrapping her in a new set of requirements and a new standard at which to keep her body for your pleasure.

To echo LovesBHMs, you have no idea why she wants to keep fit. You know there are people who actually enjoy physical fitness, eating healthy, etc., and enjoy the physical results? What a novel idea! I happen to be one of them.

eta: what's with this amorphous "society" bs? You and everyone you know make up society. Want to change it? Start changing some minds.

*headdesk*
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Old 12-18-2007, 03:11 PM   #18
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Default Now Love.

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So why is caving in to your desires any different than "caving in to society's"?

Don't hurt yourself. I'll answer for you: IT ISN'T. You're not liberating her; you're entrapping her in a new set of requirements and a new standard at which to keep her body for your pleasure.

To echo LovesBHMs, you have no idea why she wants to keep fit. You know there are people who actually enjoy physical fitness, eating healthy, etc., and enjoy the physical results? What a novel idea! I happen to be one of them.
You could just be a sheep and not realize it. Have you looked in the mirror lately?
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Old 12-18-2007, 03:49 PM   #19
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You could just be a sheep and not realize it. Have you looked in the mirror lately?
I can't seem to stand on my hindquarters anymore. That, and my eyes have shifted to the sides of my head. I also have this weird skin disorder now; I appear to be sprouting wool. But damn is my six pack a thing to be reckoned with! Think I should see a doctor?

Also: You're on to something, Sherlock. Obvious troll is becoming obvious.
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It seems rather elitist to me for people who may have degrees in this field feel that they, because they've studied it, they somehow know better than the parents.
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Yes, in the Brownback family we teach that boys have a god stick and girls have a shame cave.
Manny: yeah but i could be patient zero to a rabies epidemic
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Last edited by love dubh; 12-18-2007 at 03:52 PM.
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Old 12-18-2007, 03:52 PM   #20
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Default Or maybe.

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I can't seem to stand on my hindquarters anymore. That, and my eyes have shifted to the sides of my head. I also have this weird skin disorder now; I appear to be sprouting wool. But damn is my six pack a thing to be reckoned with! Think I should see a doctor?
A veterinarian?

Baaaaaah.
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Old 12-18-2007, 04:37 PM   #21
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How's that fit?
Yeah, sorry about that, I've grown accustomed using it elsewhere. It means On the Money. It's an addictive phrase.
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Old 12-18-2007, 04:42 PM   #22
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Yeah, sorry about that, I've grown accustomed using it elsewhere. It means On the Money. It's an addictive phrase.
That's short for "thank you."

And one way I tend to think you can spot trolls is when they make like one post to start a thread like this and then never reappear. Also when their only OTHER post is about an ex girlfriend who started out skinny and then gained a bunch of weight. Funny how some FA's only date skinny chicks who then pork up.
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Old 12-18-2007, 04:53 PM   #23
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. I was in a dream I was so fulfilled with her physically, sexually and mentally. ?
This is a really telling line in your story, for me. You're talking about how YOU felt with her body--what it did for YOU. It obviously doesn't do the same thing for her.

You thinking that it DID do that for her (where you say she SEEMED more happy and relaxed) doesn't really sound right, based on the throughline of your tale, which is she she feels good and attractive at a certain weight and not above that.

If you were so turned on by her when you married her at her weight of 125 lbs, can you not be happy with that again?

I totally understand using the internet as a place to vent, and certainly, other people who like fat partners have been in your boat before, but I do think that Love's idea of writing everything down and giving it to her would be a good approach. I understand that you feel you need what is most satisfying to you. That might not be your wife. She also needs to have what's most satisfying to her, and that might well be someone who respects how she feels about herself more than, or at least as much as, he respects his own preferences.

The arc of sexuality changes over most relationships. COuples often start having sex less. Maybe you can live with a depressed libido. It's not the end of the world. Sexually speaking, I preferred it when my guy could go a solid 4 times in 3 or 4 hours--but none of us is a spring chicken anymore (except that I am. You know how we women begin to hit our peaks now. It's a wonder any of us stays with Mr. 45 instead of going for Mr. 19, at least in the sack. haha).

At the very least, she deserves your honesty--but no ultimatums.

Last edited by Jes; 12-18-2007 at 04:56 PM.
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:00 PM   #24
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The weight issue really was a very minor factor in that (if it was one at all), but it probably did reflect on the bigger issue of her outlook on life and willingness to be open-minded, etc. etc.

.
IN what ways was her willingness to be open minded limited?
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:25 PM   #25
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IN what ways was her willingness to be open minded limited?
It's limited because she won't gain 100lbs. Her mind is stunted by society, apparently. You know how women can't think for themselves. Even now these words are being dictated to me by Steven Hawking.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Representative John Duncan, R-TN
It seems rather elitist to me for people who may have degrees in this field feel that they, because they've studied it, they somehow know better than the parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon Stewart
Yes, in the Brownback family we teach that boys have a god stick and girls have a shame cave.
Manny: yeah but i could be patient zero to a rabies epidemic
Manny: rabies is as close to zombification as we can get
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