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Old 12-18-2007, 05:28 PM   #26
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Default Well obviously.

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Originally Posted by love dubh View Post
It's limited because she won't gain 100lbs. Her mind is stunted by society, apparently. You know how women can't think for themselves. Even now these words are being dictated to me by Steven Hawking.
Letting society dictate your size makes you a brainwashed sheep.

Letting a man dictate your size makes you open minded and independent.

BTW, all women truly, deeply, secretly wish they could just let themselves go and weigh 500 pounds. The only reason we don't is all the brainwashing.
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:51 PM   #27
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the hawking line made me snort. well played, sir. well played.

but my point to TJW was genuine--i know he's not hte OP but I was curious about what sorts of things his ex wasn't open minded about. I actually assumed it wasn't weight, as he clearly told us she gained, never liked it, but lived with it. So I'm assuming her mind was quite open to that--but what sorts of things were more of a problem?
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Old 12-18-2007, 11:58 PM   #28
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Default RE: I miss my wifes added curves and weight!

I am sorry to read of your plight. Unfortunately, I have encountered couples on both ends of the problem. I know a couple of guys who like me like women of size.
1) A friend married a MS-BBW (dress size #14-16) but, that is as large as he can found a woman attractive. After two pregnancies the wife had gained weight and wore a size #22-24, and he was turned off by her size. Their marriage floundered for about six years when she realized that their marriage was not going to get better until she lost a significant amount of weight. So with a super effort knowing her marriage was on the line so lost weight and got down to a size #12. They have a good marriage ever since. Her weight was a problem he really could not deal with and the marriage would not remain viable as long as her weight was up. They had another child after the weight loss and her weight came back down afterwards. They are married thirty-nine year and have been happy since then.
2) Another friend married a BBW but, he loved BBWs. With pregnancies she grew and after three children she was a SSBBW. She hated her size but, he discovered that he loved SSBBWs more than BBWs! She underwent intestinal bypass surgery and became a MS-BBW. She finally realized that their marriage was floundering and would fail if she remained an MS-BBW. She gain weight back to her size when she got married, which was about the mid-point between her low weight and her highest weight, around a size #24.
There are some men that eventually, the issue of weight can destroy their marriage. It doesn't make them any worst than any other man, just different.

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Old 12-19-2007, 12:13 AM   #29
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Adrian, I don't think those were really two different stories. In both, the woman is the person to step up and change her body, or fear the loss of her relationship. I don't know, I guess it is just that I see so much of this be very, very one sided.
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Old 12-19-2007, 12:27 AM   #30
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Is there a bot that comes around to Dimensions periodically to leave variations of these suspiciously similar tales of woe about men who marry workout queens, who proceed to get fat and then to lose weight, and to gain back fifteen lbs, and then to lose that, and then the husband gets depressed because he really loves fat, even though he married a skinny workout queen, who never gets really fat, really, only into mid-fattie range, if that, and then the husband is drowning in a sea of despair because, well, he just wants his curves back, and he's even thinking about cheating, but he loves his wife more she loves herself, and he's really between a rock and a hard place, and Rainer Maria Rilke's angsty poems?

Is there such a bot?

Is this too cynical a question? I really want to know.
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Old 12-19-2007, 12:35 AM   #31
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Yes, there is a bot. Very ruff for bots out here. The bot is hot!
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Old 12-19-2007, 12:49 AM   #32
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Yes, there is a bot. Very ruff for bots out here. The bot is hot!
Not that ruff, apparently.

Yes, many bots are hot. I won't quibble with you there.
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Old 12-19-2007, 05:28 AM   #33
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Default Yes.

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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
Is there a bot that comes around to Dimensions periodically to leave variations of these suspiciously similar tales of woe about men who marry workout queens, who proceed to get fat and then to lose weight, and to gain back fifteen lbs, and then to lose that, and then the husband gets depressed because he really loves fat, even though he married a skinny workout queen, who never gets really fat, really, only into mid-fattie range, if that, and then the husband is drowning in a sea of despair because, well, he just wants his curves back, and he's even thinking about cheating, but he loves his wife more she loves herself, and he's really between a rock and a hard place, and Rainer Maria Rilke's angsty poems?

Is there such a bot?

Is this too cynical a question? I really want to know.
Yes. They also have the same hallmarks, which is the OP generally posts here only once, so despite being an FA to the point of getting depressed over a ten pound weight loss, he never posts here again. Or he posts the same story twice, for instance this guy also supposedly dated a gymnast who wound up weighing 200 pounds--amazing how an FA only dates workout queens and gymnast who get fat.

While there may be one or two which are genuine, (and the genuine ones typically have a lot less detail) most of them are probably designed as outlets for fantasy, in other words, I wish this happened and if I write about it I can pretend, or they are hoping for stroke material. When I say stroke material what I mean is they are hoping for guys to either write stories about how they were in the exact same situation and talk about how much weight their wives gained and tell in detail how they got this weight gain to happen, or if they're really lucky get a story from a woman about how she put on a bazillion pounds to please her man and realized how fabulous it was to weigh 400 pounds and how happy she was.
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Old 12-19-2007, 07:03 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
Is there a bot that comes around to Dimensions periodically to leave variations of these suspiciously similar tales of woe about men who marry workout queens, who proceed to get fat and then to lose weight, and to gain back fifteen lbs, and then to lose that, and then the husband gets depressed because he really loves fat, even though he married a skinny workout queen, who never gets really fat, really, only into mid-fattie range, if that, and then the husband is drowning in a sea of despair because, well, he just wants his curves back, and he's even thinking about cheating, but he loves his wife more she loves herself, and he's really between a rock and a hard place, and Rainer Maria Rilke's angsty poems?

Is there such a bot?

Is this too cynical a question? I really want to know.
I can't answer your question ... I'm laughing too hard right now
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Old 12-19-2007, 07:15 AM   #35
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i can't keep up anymore with posts that might seem spurious but i do wonder something: isn't marriage a pretty serious arrangement? and don't people know they, and their partners, will change over time, in all manner of ways? ways that can't even be hinted at yet? and isn't that the thing that you accept in order to get the other rewards that marriage brings (ie.., as opposed to just dating someone or living with someone, etc.?)? And isn't one of thhe major tenets of marriage 'For better or worse?'

So why do some people seem to think the 'worse' drops out of that agreement? What if a partner became ill and couldn't be sexual anymore? That's a for worse, folks. ANd it happens.

This is a simplistic view. I know this area is full of grey. But it seems to me, when i hear stories like this, that some people feel the For better or worse just means: for better.

(and fasc, i think you might actually be thinking about the Sorrows of Young Fat Werther)
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Old 12-19-2007, 08:38 AM   #36
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Note that these stories almost never start "we got married in our thirties" (or even late 20s). It is almost always couples who at least originally got together while they were still young and stupid about life. Well, I can't speak for women of that age, but I knew a lot of guys of that age, and I'm sure most of us were utterly full of crap when we talked about women, relationships, and even what we liked and wanted.

I consider myself bloody lucky, because we did that, and lord knows a lot of what I thought I knew about life was complete and utter poppycock. Some may go in thoughtlessly, but a lot I think go in with good intentions and forethought, but when you are looking at a landscape of illusions, forethought may be worse than useless.

Given which, is it any wonder that a lot end up places they never expected?

And sad to say, relationships with a poor sex life do, statistically, break up a lot more than those with a good sex life. It is something that a lot of people will break up over, it is one of those very basic stresses. Some couples will cope with it easily some with difficulty, and some not at all.

I'm not saying that it is a good thing, but it is a thing--and having illusions about it does not help

Oh, and: why would these guys stay? They are hoping that there is some solution to the dilemma in which they find themselves, and they get told that there is no solution (they are probably also told that they are horrible human beings for even seeing their situation as a dilemma). What is it about this place that would necessarily make them want to stay?
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Old 12-19-2007, 10:27 AM   #37
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Default My point was...

Quote:
Oh, and: why would these guys stay? They are hoping that there is some solution to the dilemma in which they find themselves, and they get told that there is no solution (they are probably also told that they are horrible human beings for even seeing their situation as a dilemma). What is it about this place that would necessarily make them want to stay?
I think the majority of them are trolls and when they don't get the hoped for answer, they quit. And for that matter, while none of them say "we got married in our thirties" many, if not most of them say something like "I always knew I was an FA" or in the case of a post that appeared a couple of hours after this one, "everyone who knows me knows I'm an FA."

Look at the excrutiating detail in the OP. How many married men do you know who know their wife's exact weight? I'd wager very very few. I can see a man saying "After she had the kids, she gained about 15 pounds and she looked hot....she suddenly had curves..." or something along those lines, but rarely is a man aware of his wife's exact weight, down to the pound, at any given time. Additionally, would most married men describe their wife in the sort of detail to write about "belly rolls" or to say "i'd always fantasized about my workout queen wife getting softer and fatter." No way. They would be more general, i.e. "I like having something to hold on to" or "I thought her little pot belly was sexy".

And for the ones who are real, nobody tells them they are horrible people, but they tell them the truth which is that you can't force somebody to do something with her body that she does not want to do. Nor should you. Of course in a good marriage you'd be able to discuss fantasy, and to say "I'd love it if you'd gain 20 pounds"...I'm not even married and I've had a guy say this.
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Old 12-19-2007, 11:11 AM   #38
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I think the majority of them are trolls and when they don't get the hoped for answer, they quit. And for that matter, while none of them say "we got married in our thirties" many, if not most of them say something like "I always knew I was an FA" or in the case of a post that appeared a couple of hours after this one, "everyone who knows me knows I'm an FA."

Look at the excrutiating detail in the OP. How many married men do you know who know their wife's exact weight? I'd wager very very few.
Bwahaha--we are talking FA here! I knew my wife's exact weight for years and years, before I realized that I was being an idiot about it, and forced myself to stop. (yes forced, I'd still love to know those exact numbers, and every slight fluctuation. I just finally grew up enough to realize that wanting to know didn't make that a good thing).

So yah, quick summary of one dumb young FA's assumptions:

- the only reason she'd want to be thin is to get and keep a man, so once she knew I liked her fat, she'd have no reason to not to.
- her parents were fat, so of course she'd get fat
- like every other woman, she'd want kids, and with each pregnancy she'd gain weight
- As she got fatter, of course she'd like to make other fat friends, because since everyone was fat, they'd naturally have a lot in common.
- Once she was fat, and saw how much I loved it, the scales would fall from her eyes, and she'd realize how sexy it was to be fat, and would feel confident and sexy in her new body, and would love being fat.

Oh, there were more, but those were the more strongly fat related ones. Like I said, I was pretty lucky, we survived my loss of those illusions in pretty good shape. But....not really a pleasant process. (I'm sure I still harbour some illusions in general, not overly looking forward to how I'll lose those).

It is like....imagine growing up assuming that when you have kids you will have a big sprawling house like you happened to grow up in. Then you realize that with the chosen careers in the non-profit sector of you and your partner, you will never afford that house, at least not in anyplace that you want to live. It is better to give up the illusion than to cling to it, and do reckless things while guided by it. But you had a certain view of how the world would be, and that view seemed pretty nice to you, and then....you have to change it for a view that is less innately pleasing to you. Would you not maybe spend a bit of time asking around, trying to figure out how you can afford that house on what you make, before you bite the bullet and accept that you will never have that house, at least not if you also have kids. Sure, we can say "You should always have known better. You have a good education, didn't you do the math?" But the reality is that these things often aren't arrived at logically, but just grow based on your early experiences, and don't always make good sense.

I know and accept that a lot of people are tired of hearing these stories, because you've heard them so many times. But to the person living the story, it is new and personal.

Or to look at it another way, I'm sure all of the "I thought once we got married/had kids, he'd cut back on his drinking....." stories sound a lot alike. But they are hardly generic to the people living through them. (I'm not trying to say the experiences are comparable, just using an example of a story which is well known).

Having said all of that: fine, you don't like hearing these. Fair enough, that is your prerogative. But then why read them?
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Old 12-19-2007, 11:18 AM   #39
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Default Once again.

I do not believe the majority of these posts are real. I think most of them are trolls who are hoping for stroke material.

And when you look at the fact that most of these posts are started by OP's who never again reappear, I think I'm right.
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Old 12-19-2007, 01:03 PM   #40
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Default My response....

That's a fair question. I wasn't going to get too far into it, as it wanders rather "off topic" for the conversation. But basically, she became the type of person who took the outlook on life that "Everyone's so screwed up except for ME!" EG. Any time she drove, she worked herself into a frenzy, complaining about everyone else's horrible driving skills. It wasn't even a possibility that maybe SHE was the one driving too aggressively, or being too impatient with people trying to turn slowly onto a side road or parking lot.

At some point, that attitude worked its way into aspects of life affecting us directly - like money matters. If she was sure she knew best that something was worth buying or signing up for, she'd simply do it, using my credit card, regardless of my opinion on it. We had all sorts of useless features added to our phone service, people coming out doing lawn-care I would have NEVER agreed to pay for, and more....

And really, I'm a pretty laid-back individual. If she was making decisions I could see made some logical sense, I'd probably be fine with it. But she did things like sign up for classes at a non-accredited college in town (that my own father, a college teacher, warned her wasn't a good value), invest thousands in it, and then dropped out after only 6 months or so. She still owes on those student loans to this day .... but never got a thing from any of it, besides a few worthless textbooks to keep.

At some point, you see that "common sense" and "logic" are pretty much out the window, and you realize it's not going to be possible to live with them any longer, you know?


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the hawking line made me snort. well played, sir. well played.

but my point to TJW was genuine--i know he's not hte OP but I was curious about what sorts of things his ex wasn't open minded about. I actually assumed it wasn't weight, as he clearly told us she gained, never liked it, but lived with it. So I'm assuming her mind was quite open to that--but what sorts of things were more of a problem?
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Old 12-19-2007, 02:42 PM   #41
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(and fasc, i think you might actually be thinking about the Sorrows of Young Fat Werther)
lol Oh, yeah. I forgot about him. lolol


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Old 12-19-2007, 11:02 PM   #42
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Several years back, my wife and I had 3 wonderful babies one right after the other and her 5' 3" or so slightly curvy figure filled out beautifully in all proportions (somewhat of a pear figure wide hips, love handles, large thighs, large lower belly roll with very large breasts and narrower shoulders.) I finally had my dream of my very attractive once workout queen wife softening and fattening up for good I hoped.

She went from 125 lbs. to 180 + lbs. after the birth of our third child and extremely slowly shedded more lbs. in the first year and a half after her last delivery. Even when she went back to the gym she really did not lose the weight easily so she stopped working out so aggressively and stayed around 165 + lbs. close to two years after the last delivery. Which I was fully content with.

She knows how much I love her with a fuller figure but for some reason society makes her mind up and she thinks I am crazy to like her "Horribly FAT" as she calls it. Little does she know I would love to see her 200 + lbs. or way more even though I know that would never happen. She continued to slowly lose weight and obviously got applause from her friends and everyone even though our sex life definitely was'nt the same. (She was much more passionate and sexual with her extra weight as well as I was with her weight too! Even though she was embarrased about her fatter figure in front of her friends, she was not shy with with her added lbs. in the bedroom. It seems she got most frusterated around me when she was heavier when she tried to fit into some jeans or a skirt and would get totally frusterated and it would turn into and evil mood. )

She finally got down to 135 lbs. or so with me being very much bummed about it. I did not even know she weighed 135 lbs. untill I had her step on a scale (something I would not dare do when she was heavier for fear she would diet) at a hotel one night on vacation and she complained that she had gained weight. I was shocked, "she gained weight" and she was at 135 lbs. I went into a slight depression over this on the trip. I have voiced my opinions many times about how I would love for her to fill out her figure a little more than it currently is with out much success. She will gain 2-3 lbs. from eating more sweets and lack of some workouts and act totally disgusted because she has to squeeze into her jeans, where I am excited just to see the modest of gains these days.

We recently came home from back to back vacations 15 + days away and I have noticed she has certainly gained more than her 2-3 lbs. I would say she has almost gained a good 10 lbs. and she is looking so extremely breathtaking to me I can hardly keep my hands off of her new curves. I am so excited but at the same time concerned she will lose this weight over the next month and we will be back to the smaller very skinny in my eyes wife of mine.

I can't even imagine her losing this weight, I actually want her to be back at 165 lbs. at least. I am on a frusterating roller coaster of emotions over the last 4 years. I find myself dreaming of her gaining weight and instead it never happens, so I find myself looking at other full figured heavier women in public settings and wishing my wife would weigh as much as them.

Worse yet, I find myself being even more attracted to even heavier figured women compared to what I used to. She knows I like fuller figures on women but I believe she thinks of it as much slighter than actually is the case.
However I find women in the ssbbw range attractive which she probably think's I like women jsut a little fuller figured. I do however believe that if she was 165 lbs. I would be very excited and happy/ content.

How can I get her to not only keep this extra 10 lbs. but have her pack on 20+ more lbs. and love it maybe not as much as me but love it for me?
We are differant types of personalities, In a joking playfull conversation I have asked her to gain weight for a fuller figure and I would do anything she wanted me to (I lift weights and have a muscular football player build but not exactly a six pack for abs anymore.) "I asked her if she wanted me to get cut and lean up with full abs" for her if she gained weight for me, and she said I could stand to lose a little fat in my belly in a joking manner but she did not commit to anything. So over the next 2 months I leaned up and had my abs showing noticeably more and she actually seemed to lose a little bit of weight.

So what can I do to have my wife gain weight and stay on that path, because I feel it is starting to put a strain on my sexual desire for her. For example even with this extra 10 lbs. I can't take my hands or eyes off of her lately, I do feel if she ends up losing this weight she just gained I will be totally bummed and feel like I am missing out on having what I envision as a more fulfilling experience with my wife. I know this is all on me, but I crave the extra weight on her that was once there and I don't think I can ever let this go, I want her but I NEED her fatter!!!

I know many of you have been here and understand, so any helpful advice would be great! This is me I am built this way and I can't help but put myself in situations I hear and see all the time but only with my wife.
For example A friend from work's wife is continually gaining weight and look's great every time I see her she has put on more weight and he is constantly telling her she needs to lose weight and diet. The next time I see her she is bigger yet. (Why can't this be my wife?)

I can't tell you how amazing it was when my wife had her fuller figure. I was in a dream I was so fulfilled with her physically, sexually and mentally. She was more relaxed and happy seeming except for certain times when she had her fat moments.

I am rambling, so any good thoughts on how to have my wife fatten up and actually see thing's the way I do?
You need to tell her how you really feel, period. Don't come to these boards and tell us, TELL HER. You won't get any other reasonable response here, if you haven't been attacked already for being honest.

If she loves you she should respect your wants, desires and needs as she expects you to do for her, which may result in compromise. BUT coming here will get you no where.
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Old 12-20-2007, 12:18 AM   #43
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Are these kinds of threads started by fakes?

Well, if this one was he waited two years to do it!

The fact is that a lack of desire to accept change in this area is a far more common dilemma than most people realize. Weight loss programs rail against the "enablers" and "saboteurs" in a dieters household - people who have what the diet doctors regard as a twisted perverse stake in keeping the dieter fat. If everyone weanted a skinny spouse this would not be so common an issue.

Before making broad-brush accusations I think a bit more research needs to be done. I personally don't think these posts are from the same person but are rather reflective of a wide spread malaise.
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Old 12-20-2007, 03:06 AM   #44
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Are these kinds of threads started by fakes?

Well, if this one was he waited two years to do it!

The fact is that a lack of desire to accept change in this area is a far more common dilemma than most people realize. Weight loss programs rail against the "enablers" and "saboteurs" in a dieters household - people who have what the diet doctors regard as a twisted perverse stake in keeping the dieter fat. If everyone weanted a skinny spouse this would not be so common an issue.

Before making broad-brush accusations I think a bit more research needs to be done. I personally don't think these posts are from the same person but are rather reflective of a wide spread malaise.
You assume that anyone who sabotages a spouse's weight loss efforts is doing so because s/he wants the spouse to stay heavier for purposes of sexual attraction. There really is a lot more to it than that. Sometimes it's just a control issue, and often it's a matter of insecurity--not wanting the spouse to lose weight for fear of him/her becoming more attractive to others and possibley leaving.
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Old 12-20-2007, 08:42 AM   #45
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I'm sure there are those control freaks who do deliberately sabotage weight loss efforts for nefarious reasons, but you falsely assume that's the case the majority of the time. The fact is that for many, statistically 95%, living a normal life style and conforming to societal weight standards doesn't work long term. Human being exposed to ongoing supplies of food with no intervening famines tend to be heavier.

Those FA/FFA individuals I know personally don't think or do the things you describe. The ones I know personally are acutely aware of the health issues and risks. Large numbers have had to personally address issues such as diabetes and joint problems - this mirrors the general population and we'd be foolish to deny it.

So what happens? After failed attempts they've discovered that losing the weight statistically associated with the problem turns out not to be feasible. As a result, especially when over 40, they and their SO's tend to be physically active, avoid excess soda and junk foods, and do the best they can. They do not have eating or personality disorders. They simply tend to be larger than the society dictated "normal," have been for years, and are "odd" only in that at least one partner likes it that way as long as they're relatively healthy.

Our house seldom has sodas or snack foods in it; ditto sodium-rich pre-prepared meals or anything with sugar in it. For sweeteners we use xylitol products. not aspartame or stevia. We do use supplements to increase energy, hold down blood pressure and minimize cholesterol. In my mid sixties I also take blood pressure pills (yes, I'm a BHM myself).
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Old 12-20-2007, 10:12 AM   #46
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I never said it was the majority of the time, I said "sometimes." Sabotaging your spouse's efforts is wrong no matter why you're doing it; it's sneaky, rude, and disrespectful. If you want your spouse to stay heavier because you find it more pleasing, it's fine to say "It's your choice what to do with your body, but I want you to know I think you look really good as you are" but it's not fine to sabotage your spouse's efforts to do something s/he wants to do.

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Human being exposed to ongoing supplies of food with no intervening famines tend to be heavier.
I'm not really sure what this means. I don't know how many famines have happened in the Western world recently, but I don't think the availability of food means you're going to be heavier. To the contrary, if you know food is, and will be available, i'd argue you might be less likely to overeat, as you're not worrying about the food disappearing.
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Old 12-20-2007, 09:12 PM   #47
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I feel for the brother looking for some blubber. The best post was the first, "runs and hides from the approaching firestorm." Knowing what was ahead in the agitated responses was great,"It's her body", etc. Let time and gravity and snacks take their toll and you'll have your ideal. Or get a fatty mistress, or fatten her up on the sly, or get her pregnant again.....
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Old 12-20-2007, 09:23 PM   #48
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It should be pointed out that the intended main point of this thread isn't about trying to make anyone gain, forced or otherwise. Its about resistance to loss and dealing the emotional consequences of your SO losing - for whatever reason.
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Old 12-20-2007, 09:31 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by voluptuouslover View Post
...I finally had my dream of my very attractive once workout queen wife softening and fattening up for good I hoped. ...

Little does she know I would love to see her 200 + lbs. or way more...


...I can't even imagine her losing this weight, I actually want her to be back at 165 lbs. at least.....

... I do however believe that if she was 165 lbs. I would be very excited and happy/ content.
...

...How can I get her to not only keep this extra 10 lbs. but have her pack on 20+ more lbs. and love it maybe not as much as me but love it for me?...

...So what can I do to have my wife gain weight and stay on that path....
...

...I know this is all on me, but I crave the extra weight on her that was once there and I don't think I can ever let this go, I want her but I NEED her fatter!!!

....so any good thoughts on how to have my wife fatten up and actually see thing's the way I do?
...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Observer View Post
It should be pointed out that the intended main point of this thread isn't about trying to make anyone gain, forced or otherwise. Its about resistance to loss and dealing the emotional consequences of your SO losing - for whatever reason.
Please, sir, with your lies.
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Old 12-20-2007, 09:34 PM   #50
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...



Please, sir, with your lies.
that did make me laugh. I'd forgotten just what the OP said 'til I read your bolded recap.

Anyway, he can just find himself a fatty mistress and be done with it.
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