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Old 12-31-2007, 12:26 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Violet_Beauregard View Post
This situation is NO different than a woman being forced to something she doesn't want to. If you don't want to... don't do it. AND, she shouldn't be forcing you to do anything. Period. If she can't respect your feelings... you two don't belong together.
I disagree strongly. There is a big difference. He is not a cheerleader being pressured to lose her virginity on prom night or a victim of date rape. He sounds like just one of countless numbers of men who try to get out of giving their women oral pleasure. I think this is an attitude he has to fix because as he gets older its going to limit his prospects in dating. Women nowadays demand to be sexually fulfilled and that's how it should be. No one should be left out in the pleasure department. I doubt this is the attitude you or any of the other women would tolerate out of your husbands or boyfriends. To be honest, for a man to say he is being pressured into oral sex comes off as whining. He has to step up to the plate if he wants to be in an adult relationship.
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Old 12-31-2007, 12:43 PM   #27
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* more please *



I have never been in a situation where a man has not wanted to ( very much wanted to ) perform that most delicious act. If I really liked a man and he did not like performing oral sex, or was not enthusiastic, I am afraid that would be a deal breaker. Yes, it is that important to me. Only if he were not able to give this to me ( cat literally got his tongue ), would I learn to do without, and work on being satisfied with the many other things he might do for me.

I have no problem directing a man in terms of what I like, and, a person really should be with someone who is not offended or whiny when he/she is told, in a nice manner, what the recipient...likes.

To disconnected....don't ' force ' yourself to like this, but, maybe just ask yourself what it is about it that you do not like. Get that straight in your head before you go to her and have a discussion. You have every right to decide what you like, and what you don't like. I know there are things that, no matter what the other person likes, will never happen. I guess, for me, receiving oral is the same as being open..no pun intended, but, nice that puns pop up..to intercourse. If a man does not want to dine, don't expect me to welcome your penis into my tunnel of chills and thrills.

As for giving..I like it..to have that power to make a man feel really good, but, I know it is better to receive than to give..

Probably good that I have a cold and have to turn down the invite to a New Years Eve shindig...at the stroke( oh, I am killing me ) of midnight, instead of a kiss on the mouth, I might have grabbed a man by the back of the head and ...well........
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Old 12-31-2007, 12:50 PM   #28
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I gotta disagree with you on this one, Vi ... though of course, we're in agreement on the issue of force being a no-no. But then, I can't really see force being involved in this particular kind of situation ... the logistics involved would be a bit of a nightmare. Heh.

I guess I'd flip the issue around and say, if the girlfriend has difficulty experiencing orgasm through intercourse alone (as most of us do), and other methods aren't satisfying her completely (fingers, toys, etc), how does she get her needs met? Are her feelings being respected? To be perfectly blunt, if I found myself dating someone who found oral sex distasteful (especially if that only applied to giving, not receiving), I'd be gone, baby, gone. And, yesterday. If not sooner.

At the same time, I do understand that it's just not everyone's cuppa ... for one reason or another, and unless it's a simple matter of learning to become proficient (i.e., not personal distaste, just the unease of inexperience), it probably never will be. Sucks to be the girl in that scenario. Well, unless she's like you, Vi
you're the first one to really understand the situation at hand, i think.

the girl i'm seeing now (let's call her "M.") gets pleasure from more than just oral, but it's still a REALLY big thing for her.
it's hard for me, since i've only done that for one other person (my ex, Sam), and i have a lot of emotional damage from doing so, and, as i said before, i just didn't like it. but maybe i didn't like it cuz i wasn't happy/was forced into doing it?

as for the section i bolded, that's not really the case. at least i don't think so. at least i hope not. she says i shouldn't do anything i don't want to do, just to make her happy, but... well, come on.
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Old 12-31-2007, 12:51 PM   #29
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Probably good that I have a cold and have to turn down the invite to a New Years Eve shindig...at the stroke( oh, I am killing me ) of midnight, instead of a kiss on the mouth, I might have grabbed a man by the back of the head and ...well........
LMAO FTW i might just try this one tonight..wonder what the reaction would be haha...

i LOVE oral sex..i have issues with making sure ive showered and stuff first but when im ready, gawd i love it hehe! if a guy wouldnt do oral i think i too would have to say goodbye! it's just waaay good for me..makes me * in seconds hahah
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Old 12-31-2007, 12:52 PM   #30
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I disagree strongly. There is a big difference. He is not a cheerleader being pressured to lose her virginity on prom night or a victim of date rape. He sounds like just one of countless numbers of men who try to get out of giving their women oral pleasure. I think this is an attitude he has to fix because as he gets older its going to limit his prospects in dating. Women nowadays demand to be sexually fulfilled and that's how it should be. No one should be left out in the pleasure department. I doubt this is the attitude you or any of the other women would tolerate out of your husbands or boyfriends. To be honest, for a man to say he is being pressured into oral sex comes off as whining. He has to step up to the plate if he wants to be in an adult relationship.
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Old 12-31-2007, 12:57 PM   #31
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you're the first one to really understand the situation at hand, i think.

the girl i'm seeing now (let's call her "M.") gets pleasure from more than just oral, but it's still a REALLY big thing for her.
it's hard for me, since i've only done that for one other person (my ex, Sam), and i have a lot of emotional damage from doing so, and, as i said before, i just didn't like it. but maybe i didn't like it cuz i wasn't happy/was forced into doing it?

as for the section i bolded, that's not really the case. at least i don't think so. at least i hope not. she says i shouldn't do anything i don't want to do, just to make her happy, but... well, come on.
How can you know if like/don't like it if you've only tried it once, and in circumstances that hardly sound ideal? It sucks that you're getting pressured, but this issue will likely not go away (it's a REALLY big thing for most women). Take control and do something about it besides worrying (like reading my post above)!

Last edited by sweet&fat; 12-31-2007 at 01:01 PM.
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:02 PM   #32
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Ummmmm receiving oral really does nothing for me.

Now giving?? THAT is another story.... LOVE giving.....
Ditto for me Vi. It doesn't do much for me either. I'm a giver.
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:04 PM   #33
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Gentlemen should always learn to use their tongues. Cunnilingus is an art, and in my case, is very necessary to achieve a good clitoral orgasm. Having at least one of those before intercourse, seriously adds to the intensity of the vaginal orgasms I experience.
A good man never fails to lick it before he sticks it.
Of course, trading oral is a'ok in my book as well. Me first thank you...some guys tend to get a bit tired after climax, and sleep is soon to follow. I just can't tolerate a half-hearted attempt down there and God forbid he fall asleep.

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Old 12-31-2007, 01:06 PM   #34
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Having at least one of those before intercourse, seriously adds to the intensity of the vaginal orgasms I experience.
ooh i find that toooo but baah i also find that men just want to get down to the nitty gritty, back to counting ceiling tiles eh..
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:07 PM   #35
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Just noticed that this thread in is the weight gain section...ummmm..huh? I don't have a buffet down there..well, not really.
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:07 PM   #36
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The thing that bothers me about disconnectedsmile's girlfriend is she expects him not only to service her, but to like it. If he's anything other than enthusiastic she's threatening to break down crying and fling a frying pan at him.

You can choose to do things for people. You control your own actions. You do not choose what you like or enjoy, because that's how you define choice, that's what you choose with. In essence, this girl wants to be angry at him for being the person that he is and act as if he's failing to enjoy chewing her out just to spite her.
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:08 PM   #37
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...jerk.
You're the one who refuses to please his girlfriend and I'm the jerk?!
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:08 PM   #38
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Just noticed that this thread in is the weight gain section...ummmm..huh? I don't have a buffet down there..well, not really.
AHH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
i may never stop screaming.



And fuzzy, we don't know about Smile's gf. That coin has 2 sides and we can't know her motivation, only his take on it. To me, it sounds like 2 very young people (and I mean that with no judgement) who are fleshing out their likes and dislikes and who aren't yet able to dicuss things academically v. making all of them personal.

There's good advice here for Smile. Many women have pain and bleeding during early experiences with intercourse. Most learn to move on and try again. Do some talking about the issue, some quiet thinking by yourself, and some realization that the GF in question seems to be tying some of her self worth to this issue, and that's a lot of baggage _all around_.

luck!

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Old 12-31-2007, 01:10 PM   #39
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In essence, this girl wants to be angry at him for being the person that he is and act as if he's failing to enjoy chewing her out just to spite her.
Ouch. Just feckin OUCH.

And BTW, I think it was his previous girlfriend who was demanding that he ... uh, dine in. And we have only one side of this story, and at that, only what DS chose to share with us.

I wouldn't get all angry & spiteful if a guy I was dating disliked oral sex. I'd simply exercise my own freedom of choice, put on my walkin' shoes, and be on my merry way. No recrimination, no drama. Just ... no match.

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Old 12-31-2007, 01:14 PM   #40
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In essence, this girl wants to be angry at him for being the person that he is and act as if he's failing to enjoy chewing her out just to spite her.
double ouch...*walks away from thread with legs together tightly..* *cringeee*
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:16 PM   #41
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Just noticed that this thread in is the weight gain section...ummmm..huh? I don't have a buffet down there..well, not really.
I think they moved it because at least this board says "erotic" in the title, and there may have been some fear that in its original home it would scare the horses.

Given how polar the discussion is, however, maybe it should just move to Hyde Park (or more seriously: possibly the Health board?).

For my part, I won't try and guess all of the specifics of DS and his girlfriend. So dude, talk, talk, talk. The brain is still the biggest and best sex organ, and the tongue is for sure the BEST way to arouse it. A piece of advice I picked up years ago, which I continue to find invaluable, runs something like "When someone believes something that makes no sense to you, try to imagine a world view where it does make sense." But in this case, you don't even have to imagine, you can ask, and you can tell. Find out what her mental associations are with oral, and explain what yours are--maybe talk about your experiences. I'm betting that with some goodwill, some humour, possibly a book you can't find in the library, and maybe a bottle of wine, this can be worked out to mutual....satisfaction.
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:23 PM   #42
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The thing that bothers me about disconnectedsmile's girlfriend is she expects him not only to service her, but to like it. If he's anything other than enthusiastic she's threatening to break down crying and fling a frying pan at him.

You can choose to do things for people. You control your own actions. You do not choose what you like or enjoy, because that's how you define choice, that's what you choose with. In essence, this girl wants to be angry at him for being the person that he is and act as if he's failing to enjoy chewing her out just to spite her.
We really know nothing of his girlfriend. He admits to being "sensitive" and "emotionally damaged" when it comes to to pleasing a woman orally. I think we should take his description of her with a grain of salt. This attack on her desire to be pleased sexually is coming off a bit too mysoginystic for my tastes.
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Old 12-31-2007, 01:37 PM   #43
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If it's done right...I LOVE IT!!! Unfortunately my "better half" isn't really into it...never has been. But he loves being on the receiving end...and I have no problem giving! Maybe TMI! *Sorry*
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:17 PM   #44
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The thing that bothers me about disconnectedsmile's girlfriend is she expects him not only to service her, but to like it. If he's anything other than enthusiastic she's threatening to break down crying and fling a frying pan at him.

You can choose to do things for people. You control your own actions. You do not choose what you like or enjoy, because that's how you define choice, that's what you choose with. In essence, this girl wants to be angry at him for being the person that he is and act as if he's failing to enjoy chewing her out just to spite her.
It's very naive of her to think he'll like performing oral sex because he likes her, but man, is this angry and bitter! Female trouble?
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:22 PM   #45
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To me, it sounds like 2 very young people (and I mean that with no judgement) who are fleshing out their likes and dislikes and who aren't yet able to dicuss things academically v. making all of them personal.
would it matter if i said she's a touch older than me?
and that i'm very mature for my age?
*pause*
...
what? i am! no, really! stop looking at me like that!
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:28 PM   #46
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would it matter if i said she's a touch older than me?
and that i'm very mature for my age?
*pause*
...
what? i am! no, really! stop looking at me like that!
We are watching, to see if you'll be smart, wrap your remaining dignity around you, and walk away from this thread until after you've talked more with your girlfriend

hint, hint.
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:35 PM   #47
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We are watching, to see if you'll be smart, wrap your remaining dignity around you, and walk away from this thread until after you've talked more with your girlfriend

hint, hint.
The only thing that I'd add is ... run, don't walk
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:37 PM   #48
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We are watching, to see if you'll be smart, wrap your remaining dignity around you, and walk away from this thread until after you've talked more with your girlfriend
see, i talked to her for quite a while yesterday.
hence, "she says i shouldn't do anything i don't want to do, just to make her happy, but... well, come on."
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:48 PM   #49
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see, i talked to her for quite a while yesterday.
hence, "she says i shouldn't do anything i don't want to do, just to make her happy, but... well, come on."
But did you talk to her about why you are reluctant, and what your experiences were, and what emotional associations you have with it? A world of difference between "I don't like doing it" and "when I think about it, I remember my ex saying (she'd cut me if I didn't) (she'd tell everyone I couldn't get it up)(that no other woman would ever have me, and if I didn't do this she'd leave me) (whatever), and then I remember all the crap of that relationship." Also a big difference from "All I remember from doing it was getting half choked to death, being berated for not doing it right, and ending up with a jaw cramp."

I mean, presumably there is a reason you don't like it, there must have been something that was not a good thing, or you wouldn't feel that strongly about it. Have you talked to her about that?

And have you asked what it means to her, how it makes her feel, versus other forms of stimulation?

Talk about the deeper issues, not the immediate issue.
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Old 12-31-2007, 02:51 PM   #50
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see, i talked to her for quite a while yesterday.
hence, "she says i shouldn't do anything i don't want to do, just to make her happy, but... well, come on."
Hmm... she and you are both sensitive about this in your own ways. I wonder if talking to her about very objective, physical things such as what you factually don't like about the act itself it would make it less of a personal issue for her (i.e. you don't like xyz about oral sex, not that you don't like HER)? I'm not saying that you're doing this in any way, but given what you've said about her, she seems to be equating your liking performing oral sex on her to liking her in general (that's LIKING, not licking, people!). Perhaps if you can work through the immediate physical difficulties, it will be easier to work through the larger emotional issues that you both have.

EDIT: I would append this onto edx's response w/in the general topic of communicating your specific dislikes to prevent her from taking it personally.

Last edited by sweet&fat; 12-31-2007 at 02:53 PM.
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