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Old 12-31-2007, 03:00 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by disconnectedsmile View Post
see, i talked to her for quite a while yesterday.
hence, "she says i shouldn't do anything i don't want to do, just to make her happy, but... well, come on."
So, you do not trust that she is telling you how she really feels. I would say you are smart not to believe her. It's like people who say you don't HAVE to get them a gift for Xmas..birthday..etc...when, chances are, they want you to want to, to do it, to do it with a smile on your face, to whip out your debit card, giggling over how you know they will respond when you hand them a brightly wrapped gift..and then they say...oh, you didn't have to ..really. Many people do this dance ( I do it as well..now and again..in some situations ). You said she REALLY likes oral. She will become resentful, at least that is my take on this tiny bit we have seen from you.

You don't want to, and like I said, you should really understand why you don't want to do the deed. You might trip around and be able to keep this relationship afloat..for a while...but, you do not do yourself, or future lovers any favor by not looking inward.

As for your past difficulties, I will say that maybe you should not be sexual with another, if you cannot resolve your ' emotional damage '....or, find a woman who hates oral and only does things you like.


Oh..and as for the whole thing about " other ways to be stimulated ". If a woman REALLY likes oral..trust me...fingers, objects, etc...are not the same, not even close, as a tongue. It would be like me telling a man that I like things in my vagina..but..not his penis...dildos..vibes..ok...penis...no. How many men would be ok with that...yeah.

Last edited by mossystate; 12-31-2007 at 03:02 PM.
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Old 12-31-2007, 03:08 PM   #52
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But did you talk to her about why you are reluctant, and what your experiences were, and what emotional associations you have with it?
yes, and i can't say it was easy, or very fun.
she understood. and yet, her feelings on the subject aren't subject to change, i'm afraid. even if she says otherwise.
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Old 12-31-2007, 03:34 PM   #53
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yes, and i can't say it was easy, or very fun.
she understood. and yet, her feelings on the subject aren't subject to change, i'm afraid. even if she says otherwise.
It doesn't seem that your feelings on the subject are subject to change either, so you're at an impasse. Perhaps you're just not compatible?
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Old 12-31-2007, 03:40 PM   #54
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i LOVE giving. so much of what i do is geared towards getting a rise out of people, and this is just an extension of that. plus im a giver in the bed.
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Old 12-31-2007, 03:47 PM   #55
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Not a fan of the taste. I'll try it from time to time, but I just can't seem to get past that.

Receiving? Feels great, but I think I've gotten far too used to handling things myself. >_>
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:01 PM   #56
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Love it when its done well. Its ...rarely done well. As a result...I tend to be a rather ..um...digital girl....but hey, a true enthusiast is ALWAYS welcome.

The squeamish need not apply....I tend to think those who are, are most likely...well...hmm....lets just say I like an adventurous and uninhibited lover....

The men and women in the world who truly love pussy are fine folks indeed.

Love giving it.....love. This isn't a chore...its a labor of love.


Wag...your honesty is startling.
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:05 PM   #57
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i LOVE giving. so much of what i do is geared towards getting a rise out of people, and this is just an extension of that. plus im a giver in the bed.
See...now thats interesting....by "rise" I have to assume that in your circle, its considered risque?


In my world you are considered unusual if you DON'T like it...I guess judgements from both sides of teh coin are inevitable.
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:29 PM   #58
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EXACTLY.....

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Originally Posted by edx View Post
Oral is not the only way to stimulate those areas. It might be the most effective for most people, but there are other ways (fingers or toys, for the most part). So you should plan on finding a way to meet her needs, but that does not 100% mean oral.


First... I shouldn't have said "forced".... I guess my point was that I didn't think it fair of her to put an ultimatum on him.

Second.... they need to discuss the situation IN DEPTH and find a middle ground.

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I gotta disagree with you on this one, Vi ... though of course, we're in agreement on the issue of force being a no-no. But then, I can't really see force being involved in this particular kind of situation ... the logistics involved would be a bit of a nightmare. Heh.

I guess I'd flip the issue around and say, if the girlfriend has difficulty experiencing orgasm through intercourse alone (as most of us do), and other methods aren't satisfying her completely (fingers, toys, etc), how does she get her needs met? Are her feelings being respected? To be perfectly blunt, if I found myself dating someone who found oral sex distasteful (especially if that only applied to giving, not receiving), I'd be gone, baby, gone. And, yesterday. If not sooner.

At the same time, I do understand that it's just not everyone's cuppa ... for one reason or another, and unless it's a simple matter of learning to become proficient (i.e., not personal distaste, just the unease of inexperience), it probably never will be. Sucks to be the girl in that scenario. Well, unless she's like you, Vi


Now I really disagree. In my case... I don't care for it. Does that mean my man is trying to "get out of it?" Since when is it a "requirement" to give oral sex??

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I disagree strongly. There is a big difference. He is not a cheerleader being pressured to lose her virginity on prom night or a victim of date rape. He sounds like just one of countless numbers of men who try to get out of giving their women oral pleasure. I think this is an attitude he has to fix because as he gets older its going to limit his prospects in dating. Women nowadays demand to be sexually fulfilled and that's how it should be. No one should be left out in the pleasure department. I doubt this is the attitude you or any of the other women would tolerate out of your husbands or boyfriends. To be honest, for a man to say he is being pressured into oral sex comes off as whining. He has to step up to the plate if he wants to be in an adult relationship.


Thank you Lilly... I was beginning to think I was a freak or something!

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Ditto for me Vi. It doesn't do much for me either. I'm a giver.



THANK YOU!!! EXACTLY MY POINT!!!

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The thing that bothers me about disconnectedsmile's girlfriend is she expects him not only to service her, but to like it. If he's anything other than enthusiastic she's threatening to break down crying and fling a frying pan at him.

You can choose to do things for people. You control your own actions. You do not choose what you like or enjoy, because that's how you define choice, that's what you choose with. In essence, this girl wants to be angry at him for being the person that he is and act as if he's failing to enjoy chewing her out just to spite her.



It sounds as if she is though, and that's what I don't think is right.

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Ouch. Just feckin OUCH.

And BTW, I think it was his previous girlfriend who was demanding that he ... uh, dine in. And we have only one side of this story, and at that, only what DS chose to share with us.

I wouldn't get all angry & spiteful if a guy I was dating disliked oral sex. I'd simply exercise my own freedom of choice, put on my walkin' shoes, and be on my merry way. No recrimination, no drama. Just ... no match.
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:44 PM   #59
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Vi, ummmm, sometimes, there IS no ' middle ground '. Like I said, if I liked things in me hoo ( which I do..like things in me hoo ), but I told a guy no penis is allowed in thar, is a toy a ' middle ground '? I think some are not understanding that for others, this act is verrrrrry important.

I think the girlfriend has the right to be upset..and the boy has the right to say no...one of them needs to pull the trigger and ....leave.


This is not an issue of preferences...not really.
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Old 12-31-2007, 04:47 PM   #60
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I think the girlfriend has the right to be upset..and the boy has the right to say no...one of them needs to pull the trigger and ....leave.
do you seriously feel a disagreement in enjoyment of oral sex enough is seriously break it off with someone? even though they have a good repour(sp), a wonderful bond, and strong communication?
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:00 PM   #61
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Now I really disagree. In my case... I don't care for it. Does that mean my man is trying to "get out of it?" Since when is it a "requirement" to give oral sex??
Obviously not. It's not an issue with you. You can't think your experience applies to everyone else. It's not a requirement to give oral sex the same way it's not a requirement to say thank you to people or open doors for women. You don't have to do any of those things, but it is very much appreciated. It's well known that women reach orgasm differently from men. Sometimes the extra step is required for the woman to be pleased. For you that extra step is not needed, but there are many women who would adore a man who was focused on pleasing them. I was not referring to your personal case when I wrote that many selfish men try to get out of oral sex with their women. How could I? I have no knowledge of your sex life.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:00 PM   #62
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A middle ground would a compromise with her not DEMANDING it every single time, and him doing it more often than he would chose, in order to please her. But to demand that he do it and like it, and to give the guy an ultimatum, in my opinion, is not trying to work it out.

Now if they compromise for a while and it STILL is making both of them unhappy, then yeah, they need to walk away.

But I also have to agree what DS just posted.... should an entire relationship be thrown away over one aspect? Yes, sex is a big aspect, but it isn't everything.



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Vi, ummmm, sometimes, there IS no ' middle ground '. Like I said, if I liked things in me hoo ( which I do..like things in me hoo ), but I told a guy no penis is allowed in thar, is a toy a ' middle ground '? I think some are not understanding that for others, this act is verrrrrry important.

I think the girlfriend has the right to be upset..and the boy has the right to say no...one of them needs to pull the trigger and ....leave.


This is not an issue of preferences...not really.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:03 PM   #63
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I think my entire issue is that she DEMANDS it and has thrown an ultimatum at the guy. Relationships are all about give and take...compromise. THAT is not giving and taking, nor is it compromise. AND yes, he needs to do the same. But demanding and issuing ultimatums is just childish. IMHO.


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Obviously not. It's not an issue with you. You can't think your experience applies to everyone else. It's not a requirement to give oral sex the same way it's not a requirement to say thank you to people or open doors for women. You don't have to do any of those things, but it is very much appreciated. It's well known that women reach orgasm differently from men. Sometimes the extra step is required for the woman to be pleased. For you that extra step is not needed, but there are many women who would adore a man who was focused on pleasing them. I was not referring to your personal case when I wrote that many selfish men try to get out of oral sex with their women. How could I? I have no knowledge of your sex life.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:12 PM   #64
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A middle ground would a compromise with her not DEMANDING it every single time, and him doing it more often than he would chose, in order to please her. But to demand that he do it and like it, and to give the guy an ultimatum, in my opinion, is not trying to work it out.

Now if they compromise for a while and it STILL is making both of them unhappy, then yeah, they need to walk away.

But I also have to agree what DS just posted.... should an entire relationship be thrown away over one aspect? Yes, sex is a big aspect, but it isn't everything.
whoa..lol

I never saw where the woman was ' demanding ' it ' every single time '. I do not agree with people who demand such things..however..she DOES have the right to be upset. It is something that is very important to her. He is not the only human being in that relationship. He has every right to say no..yes. Now, if she already knows he dislikes going down on her, then, why would you want to have a man do it..to have him doing something so intimate and knowing he...hates...it.Eeeeeek.

I don't think this is ' just ' about a particular sex act. I don't think sex is everything, but, when someone sounds like they have not resolved some deeper seated issues, and then wants to have a relationship that does involve sexual expression, well, things are not going to ever go...smoothly.

Disconnect was the one who said he was ' pressured '. Don't you think that colors any future situations with other women? I do.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:15 PM   #65
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I think my entire issue is that she DEMANDS it and has thrown an ultimatum at the guy. Relationships are all about give and take...compromise. THAT is not giving and taking, nor is it compromise. AND yes, he needs to do the same. But demanding and issuing ultimatums is just childish. IMHO.
My concern here is that I'm not sure we're getting a fair picture here. I have to admit, I don't personally know the people involved here so I can't discount what disconnectedsmile's story. Call me paranoid, but I think his revulsion to oral sex is a greater issue than his girlfriend's "demand" for it. He claims to be "emotionally damaged" from his previous experience. That says a lot. You cannot expect to have a healthy, adult relationship when you have sexual issues getting in the way of intimacy.

This isn't the 1950's. Oral sex is no longer the great taboo. Women expect it from men and being so emotionally and psychologically threatened by it will put you in a great disadvantage in dating.

I once dated a rape survivor. As you can imagine, that leaves quite an emotional scar. Through counseling she was able to deal with her issues and we never had problems dealing with sex. If a rape victim can overcome that, I don't see what is so hard about this
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:21 PM   #66
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I am always startled by the number of women who say they don't like oral in these threads. I LOVE IT I mean LOVE IT!! Giving and getting. I have been very lucky - every man I have been with has been an artist in this area!

Wayne? Well, why do you think I married him??
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:30 PM   #67
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Put me down for LOVE IT...gotta, wanna, needa, have a session of oral sex before intercourse
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:42 PM   #68
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Disconnect was the one who said he was ' pressured '.
yes, by my previous girlfriend. (Sam.)
not by the girl i'm seeing now. ("M")
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:48 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by disconnectedsmile View Post
do you seriously feel a disagreement in enjoyment of oral sex enough is seriously break it off with someone? even though they have a good repour(sp), a wonderful bond, and strong communication?
Yes, DS ... I do. This is no condemnation of you personally, though. If I were dating a man who disliked oral sex, then I'd know right up front that we aren't compatible sexually. I've been down that road, and I'm not anxious to follow that particular path again. A mutually fulfilling sex life is extremely important to me. And, while fingers and toys are wonderful ... supplements ... they aren't nearly as exciting as a skilled tongue. You probably like receiving oral sex, but what if that were 80% of your sex life? Wouldn't you get a bit ... bored?

And as wonderful as it may be, to find someone that you share a bond with, can communicate with, etc ... if the sex isn't good, for ME, the relationship is doomed. I can't speak for anyone else, though.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:48 PM   #70
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I have sleep apnea and a strange fear of suffocation. I have to have a fan going at all times or my apartment feels like a tomb. If air isn't flowing across my face I start looking for ways to fix it or get away.

I love pleasing women, but I always feel like I'm being suffocated when I'm down there.

For now I'll just buy a woman a few "toys" and work her over mercilessly with them.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:51 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by Canonista View Post
I love pleasing women, but I always feel like I'm being suffocated when I'm down there.
Uh ... suffocated? Not that I'm overly anxious to form a mental picture, but I have to wonder ... WTF are you doing that ... makes you feel ... SUFFOCATED??!?!?!
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:58 PM   #72
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Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Uh ... suffocated? Not that I'm overly anxious to form a mental picture, but I have to wonder ... WTF are you doing that ... makes you feel ... SUFFOCATED??!?!?!

I need LOTS of airflow. In my Jeep the fan is always on at full-blast or the windows are open or removed.. In my apartment I have a fan blowing at me while I sit at my computer.

I have gone down and enjoyed it, but there has to be LOS of air moving around us, which means a fan and no blankets anywhere near my head. It is no personal slight against women. I very much want to please, it's just I can't have my face buried down there surrounded in glorious flesh without a bit of planning first. (Which sucks because oral is kind of an impulsive, unplanned act.)
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Old 12-31-2007, 06:00 PM   #73
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Uh ... suffocated? Not that I'm overly anxious to form a mental picture, but I have to wonder ... WTF are you doing that ... makes you feel ... SUFFOCATED??!?!?!
HA!...yeah..I mean...ease up off that thang, now and then...and...ummm...do your ladies have a flexibility issue?...

This nice thread has become one of dealing with ORAL DEMONS....bwahahahahahahahhahahaha...
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Old 12-31-2007, 06:03 PM   #74
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Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Uh ... suffocated? Not that I'm overly anxious to form a mental picture, but I have to wonder ... WTF are you doing that ... makes you feel ... SUFFOCATED??!?!?!
For the love of all things good and holy, DON'T ASK!!!
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Old 12-31-2007, 06:04 PM   #75
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Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
HA!...yeah..I mean...ease up off that thang, now and then...and...ummm...do your ladies have a flexibility issue?...

This nice thread has become one of dealing with ORAL DEMONS....bwahahahahahahahhahahaha...
I'm waiting for "I can't deal with the smell" .... oh, wait, we've already got one of those. How about the tast -- uh, no ... that too. Stray pubes? Check. If not in this thread, in that loverly "Shaved 'gina" thread, anyway. Suffocation ... THAT was a new one on me
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