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Old 02-24-2008, 12:59 AM   #1
flippedover
 
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Default Sweeping generalizations about BHMs and my last date

Hi,
I know I haven't actually taken the trouble yet of introducing myself on the boards but that's more of an unconscious oversight than anything else...I've drifted on and off the boards for something like the past 8 or 9 years and recently decided to start posting and/or reading them more often.
Anyway, I had my first date this morning/afternoon with a BHM I met about a week ago and it got me thinking (on the tram ride home) about the other big guys I've dated.
Firstly, I was wondering how many of the BHMs on the board would say they actually liked being fat or even actively tried gaining weight as opposed to just accepting themselves or being secure about who they are. Most of the BHMs I have gone out with (and indeed a substantial proportion of more slender or athletic men too) are- to varying degrees- quite insecure about their looks and their bodies in particular. Yet, on the other hand, a lot of these guys get very excited when you make it clear you find their extra weight attractive and draw attention to it by rubbing their bellies etc. I guess it just got me wondering to what degree BHMs- and particularly gainers- experience shame about their sexual preferences/desire to be large(r). Do you think a lot of BHMs feel conflicted about enjoying their weight and succumbing to the pressure to be- or desire to be- thin? Or is it more a question of just accepting oneself or not? I know it would be a sweeping generalization to pigeonhole all BHMs into one category or the other but I'm just curious to know what everyone thinks.
Secondly, I quite liked this guy I dated today and definitely had fun but found him, at least towards the end of the date, at little bit over-eager and (potentially) kind of clingy. I'm conflicted about going on a second date. Should I be open-minded and defer my judgment or look for someone less insecure about himself? I've met so many great BHMs- sweet, intelligent, wonderful guys-but I just wish I could meet more who felt and acted like they deserved to go out with me. That they were equal to me and that I wasn't doing them a great favor just by being attracted to them-because I'm not, I am attracted to them! Very much so. Sure I'm looking for "inner beauty" but some cushion for the pushin' wouldn't hurt either!
Anyway, that's my beef. I'd be curious to know what you all think about anything I've written...
Cheers.
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Old 02-24-2008, 04:43 AM   #2
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First of all, welcome. I think your first question voices what a lot of the ladies of the board wonder. Being one of them, I can't answer it, but I will say that a lot of the gents of the board accept or idealise their fatness (which is what prompted them to find this site) and that the average fat man on the street seems less likely to have these qualities, and tends to think of himself as unattractive and unacceptable. I'd love to meet a man in Real Life who enjoys being fat and revels in excessive (yet healthy) consumption, but unfortunately they've all been insecure about themselves and eaten small amounts of unhealthy food broken by bouts of guilt and starving themselves.

I would certainly recommend you give your 'guy' more of a chance before you write him off. I get the impression you've not known him very long, and if he is very nervous and has not had much experience in this sort of thing before, its quite likely your first impression is not of the true person you'll get to know when he becomes more used to the idea of being with you and starts to relax. Ask yourself how many people you've known who, on first impression, came across as dull, clingy, nervous, etc. and who, for whatever reason, you had to spend time with them, and they became more likable as you got to know more about them. Most people feel nervous around someone they don't know well, especially in a one-on-one situation. Some try to compensate by trying too hard to be witty, intelligent, or profound, but come across as crass, opinionated, or dogmatic, and for some the dark cloud of anxiety overcomes all thought, and they just look dull and dimwitted.

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Old 02-24-2008, 07:15 AM   #3
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Default MY experience

i HAVE met a few BHM, and some are in the same school as the man you met, little to no self esteem, in absolute shock that I found them sexy and almost just in DISBELIEF, that I AM SINCERE, It is very frustrating, to me. I have seem several larger men go from almost non belief to very confident men with their bodies. It's funny as so many of them have worshiped and adored bbw / ssbbw women their entire lives, how could they be shocked that women like us are actually MORE attracted to chubbier men then athletic jocks? I meet generally average guys with little pot bellies that want to lose them, and again they are really taken back when I SAY, THAT BELLY IS SEXy AS HELL!!!

I truly believe at the end of the day it comes down to one thing that is attractive to all of us no matter the sex or size. SELF CONFIDENCE is a turn on, acceptance of our own bodies. I have been lean and more often just a little chubby, and I never knew I could be accepted and feel so damn hot with the extra meat on my bones, but because of DIMS, I now know, it takes all types, and I revel in my body fat or thin, as its ALLLLLLL GOOD
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Old 02-24-2008, 01:52 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by flippedover View Post
Hi,
I know I haven't actually taken the trouble yet of introducing myself on the boards but that's more of an unconscious oversight than anything else...I've drifted on and off the boards for something like the past 8 or 9 years and recently decided to start posting and/or reading them more often.
Anyway, I had my first date this morning/afternoon with a BHM I met about a week ago and it got me thinking (on the tram ride home) about the other big guys I've dated.
Firstly, I was wondering how many of the BHMs on the board would say they actually liked being fat or even actively tried gaining weight as opposed to just accepting themselves or being secure about who they are. Most of the BHMs I have gone out with (and indeed a substantial proportion of more slender or athletic men too) are- to varying degrees- quite insecure about their looks and their bodies in particular. Yet, on the other hand, a lot of these guys get very excited when you make it clear you find their extra weight attractive and draw attention to it by rubbing their bellies etc. I guess it just got me wondering to what degree BHMs- and particularly gainers- experience shame about their sexual preferences/desire to be large(r). Do you think a lot of BHMs feel conflicted about enjoying their weight and succumbing to the pressure to be- or desire to be- thin? Or is it more a question of just accepting oneself or not? I know it would be a sweeping generalization to pigeonhole all BHMs into one category or the other but I'm just curious to know what everyone thinks.
Secondly, I quite liked this guy I dated today and definitely had fun but found him, at least towards the end of the date, at little bit over-eager and (potentially) kind of clingy. I'm conflicted about going on a second date. Should I be open-minded and defer my judgment or look for someone less insecure about himself? I've met so many great BHMs- sweet, intelligent, wonderful guys-but I just wish I could meet more who felt and acted like they deserved to go out with me. That they were equal to me and that I wasn't doing them a great favor just by being attracted to them-because I'm not, I am attracted to them! Very much so. Sure I'm looking for "inner beauty" but some cushion for the pushin' wouldn't hurt either!
Anyway, that's my beef. I'd be curious to know what you all think about anything I've written...
Cheers.
As a BHM, I'll try to answer the questions. Personally, I LOVE being fat. I graduate high school in 2005, I gained 100 pounds my senior year alone lol. I very much enjoy my body and my life. I eat a lot, and in front of people. Hell, the guys I work with make bets to see how much I can eat. It's not something I feel I should be ashamed of (I'll go to a restaurant called Denny's, alone at like 3 am, and get 2 appetizers, the meals and 2 sides.) lol

My point is, I'm not succumbing to any pressures to be thin. I wanted to be fat, so I got fat. I'd like to gain some more actually.

As far as accepting myself. I love the way I am. I feel like I am a good person, and I know someone will find me attractive. If they don't find me attractive, I can't help it. I'm not going to change myself just for someone to like me. I can't make everyone happy. Not that I shut the world out, I like making people smile and laugh and to feel good, but I mean happiness in terms of a relationship.

Um I can't think of anymore, if I missed some more of your questions, ask me again, I'll be glad to answer.
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