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Old 03-07-2008, 10:53 AM   #1
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Question Sex on The First Date?

Ever since I started dating recently the girls I have been with all seem to want sex on the first date. I am not used to going quite this fast. Having sex on the first date got me in alot of trouble in the past causing deep regrets later on. I may be a bit old fashoned here but I like to get to know the woman I am dating as a person first, I perfer the discovery of friendship and wether or not if I have a meaningful connection with this person before I share my body and elevate the level of intimacy. I mean for me sex something special you just dont hand out to people you hardly know. Whats your thoughts on this?

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Old 03-07-2008, 05:34 PM   #2
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That is the same problem I have with men. I want to have a friendship and feelings first.

Good luck finding the right woman who will share your feelings on this subject.
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Old 03-07-2008, 05:43 PM   #3
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I think it's as individual as the people and situation... sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's a huge mistake. Even the basic idea of what you're both looking for can play a role in whether either/both parties thinks it's a good idea, something to hold off on, etc.

If things are just for fun, and that's pretty clear and we're both upfront/honest about it, then sex is fine. No expectations of more coming, everyone knows the deal and does what they want.

I think if you see potential, if you'd like there to be something more going on, then going a bit slower into the waters can't hurt - especially if either of you are afraid of getting the other too emotionally involved too quickly. Sex and emotions can have a strong bond for many, and you don't want anyone moving too far ahead of the other - just causes issues. (And this can EASILY happen to men and women, it's not just women who get the puppy lovey eyes after sex comes into play.)
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Old 03-07-2008, 11:00 PM   #4
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I respect your opinion, but where can I find me some girls like that?
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Old 03-07-2008, 11:14 PM   #5
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If you're not comfortable with sex on the first date, don't have it.

You don't need to try to figure out the woman's motives, or intentions, or anything else. You can just very politely say that you prefer to not be sexually intimate until you know somebody better.

Besides...diseases? Have these women heard of them? I'd be fairly nervous about anyone so quick to leap into bed with a man she did not know well. And that is not about making a moral judgement, it's a practical matter of how easy it is to spread HPV and herpes.
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Old 03-07-2008, 11:26 PM   #6
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I wouldn't have sex with someone on a first date that I could see myself having a potential relationship with. It was several months of dating before my current partner and I had sex for the first time.

If its just a good time and you dont see anything serious forming and the attraction is there then I don't see anything wrong with a roll in the hay.
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Old 03-08-2008, 10:47 AM   #7
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Not a sex on the first date type of person. I really have to feel a connection that comes with a little time and getting to know someone - also, the build up makes it really incredible Waited about two months into it for my current relationship.
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Old 03-08-2008, 11:54 AM   #8
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Do you have brothers! Seriously tho, sex on the first date is a terrible idea so don't feel bad about it. Just tell the girl you don't wanna and you can't be with someone who won't respect that. Believe me if sex is more important to her than being in a committed relationship, you'll find out soon enough. Don't waste your time on girls like that. The same can be said for women as well.
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Old 03-08-2008, 12:16 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
If you're not comfortable with sex on the first date, don't have it.

You don't need to try to figure out the woman's motives, or intentions, or anything else. You can just very politely say that you prefer to not be sexually intimate until you know somebody better.

Besides...diseases? Have these women heard of them? I'd be fairly nervous about anyone so quick to leap into bed with a man she did not know well. And that is not about making a moral judgement, it's a practical matter of how easy it is to spread HPV and herpes.
+1. Even a shaft sheath won't protect from the "common cold of STIs" (HPV) and herpes, which can be transmitted from her mouth to your tallywacker if she's got a cold sore.

Yeah, don't bone on the first date if that's not what you want.
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Old 03-08-2008, 12:40 PM   #10
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+1. Even a shaft sheath won't protect from the "common cold of STIs" (HPV) and herpes, which can be transmitted from her mouth to your tallywacker if she's got a cold sore.

Yeah, don't bone on the first date if that's not what you want.
Also, herpes can be transmitted in skin-to-skin contact, so even with the use of a condom, it's possible to spread it. A large percentage of those who spread it to their partners are asymptomatic, and many don't even know they have it in the first place.
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Old 03-08-2008, 02:40 PM   #11
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this is going to sound REALLY bad for us men but 99.9% of us if the woman is offering up sex at the end of the 1st date we would sleep with them (not if we were already seeing someone else) BUT we are not going to call them back....... why???? theres only 1 reason because all men want to find someone BUT we dont want to meet someone who is easy!!!!!
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Old 03-08-2008, 04:19 PM   #12
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this is going to sound REALLY bad for us men but 99.9% of us if the woman is offering up sex at the end of the 1st date we would sleep with them (not if we were already seeing someone else) BUT we are not going to call them back....... why???? theres only 1 reason because all men want to find someone BUT we dont want to meet someone who is easy!!!!!
HA! It works both ways.
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Old 03-08-2008, 11:33 PM   #13
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this is going to sound REALLY bad for us men but 99.9% of us if the woman is offering up sex at the end of the 1st date we would sleep with them (not if we were already seeing someone else) BUT we are not going to call them back....... why???? theres only 1 reason because all men want to find someone BUT we dont want to meet someone who is easy!!!!!

So a man is a champion and just accepting the sex, and the woman is easy is she? Dark ages stuff mate.
I personally do not sleep with men the first time I go out with them, but each to their own I guess.
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Old 03-09-2008, 08:29 AM   #14
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I am very much with Ella here...

I wouldnt have had sex with somebody I felt a meaningful connection with that felt like it would actually develop into a relationship.

But sex for the sake of sex, with somebody who is attractive to me and fun, but nothing more... hell, its great fun. I have had sex with somebody who didnt even know my name only knew me as Pookie. I like sex, I like having fun and when I was as single as I was then why shouldnt I have no strings sex with somebody I didnt even know if I would talk to ever again.

But a person who meant something to me, then I wouldnt rush it because the sex would be meaningful as well, not just a bit of fun. I think you need to maybe question what these girls are after with you as I think a LOT of us will feel like this.
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Old 03-09-2008, 10:43 AM   #15
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I think it's all relative. Some people have itches they want to scratch and other people may be happy to oblige.

The main point is you don't lead the other person on and promise them more than you're willing to give (i.e a 'second' date') just to get your leg over!
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Old 03-09-2008, 11:41 AM   #16
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I have over 30 years of dating experience. Sex on the firast date is a no win situation.End of story.
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Old 03-09-2008, 12:18 PM   #17
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For me sex on the first date is a no-no. If I like someone enough to go on a first date then I want to explore their mind and head before I take them to my bed and so far this method has worked for me and Im happy to continue doing it this way.
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Old 03-09-2008, 12:54 PM   #18
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this is going to sound REALLY bad for us men but 99.9% of us if the woman is offering up sex at the end of the 1st date we would sleep with them (not if we were already seeing someone else) BUT we are not going to call them back....... why???? theres only 1 reason because all men want to find someone BUT we dont want to meet someone who is easy!!!!!
I guess I'm the 0.1% then. ...And proud...

Bloody Hell, man, you really think 99.9% of men would use a woman like that?
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Old 03-09-2008, 12:59 PM   #19
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I don't think he meant so much that men would use women, but more that they'd feel the woman was easy and if she was willing/eager to sleep with him, she'd probably do it with anyone and that might make him question her character or level of self respect.

I think "using" somebody would be more along the lines of lying about your intentions or if he saw that the woman equated sex with intimacy or committment, that he'd falsely promise those things in order to get her to sleep with him.
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:02 PM   #20
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Ack. Nice to see that the younger generation is still neck deep in the attitude that ' nice girls don't '..and...' boys will be boys '.

I just hope that any man who views some women as ' easy ' and thus ' slutty '..well..here is hoping you have one of your ' nice girls ', break your heart...big time.

Baz_24..you are holding onto an ancient attitude that makes excuses for you to be a miserable human being...way to go. If this is the kind of man you want to be, then, you deserve not one nice woman in your life.
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:07 PM   #21
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I don't think he meant so much that men would use women, but more that they'd feel the woman was easy and if she was willing/eager to sleep with him, she'd probably do it with anyone and that might make him question her character or level of self respect.

I think "using" somebody would be more along the lines of lying about your intentions or if he saw that the woman equated sex with intimacy or committment, that he'd falsely promise those things in order to get her to sleep with him.
Whichever way you look at it, he's saying that 99.9% of men would sleep with the woman on the first date and then never call her back...

It doesn't matter how he phrased it, nor how he excused the behaviour, (as if the action were a comment on her character and not his)... No way! Call me a 1950s throwback, but I stand slightly shocked that he really thinks that the GREAT majority of men are like that!
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:27 PM   #22
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this is going to sound REALLY bad for us men but 99.9% of us if the woman is offering up sex at the end of the 1st date we would sleep with them (not if we were already seeing someone else) BUT we are not going to call them back....... why???? theres only 1 reason because all men want to find someone BUT we dont want to meet someone who is easy!!!!!
I agree with everyone else who has pointed out what a f*cked-up statement that is.

In one fail swoop you have put us back in the dark ages. Whats next? Should we loose the right to vote and stay in the kitchen? Cos..y'know, it's OK for a man to sleep around, but a big no-no for us girls unless we want to end up in a nunnery!

THANK you for pointing this out Baz24_uk. I shall be sure to keep my chastity knickers bolted on tight!
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:30 PM   #23
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Whichever way you look at it, he's saying that 99.9% of men would sleep with the woman on the first date and then never call her back...

It doesn't matter how he phrased it, nor how he excused the behaviour, (as if the action were a comment on her character and not his)... No way! Call me a 1950s throwback, but I stand slightly shocked that he really thinks that the GREAT majority of men are like that!
Bafta, I'm shocked that you're shocked. Try this little experiment. Sign up for a dating site and pretend to be a girl. Then see how many guys you come across stop talking to you after you say, "I'd like to get to know you better before I sleep with you."

My male friends are good enough to not worry about sleeping with a girl on the first date and they tell me they want to settle down, but if a girl they start dating hasn't put out by the third date, they run. I try to give them all practical reasons why the girl might want to wait a bit, but they just don't care. I'm honestly baffled by their impatience, but still, it stinks. Surely there are guys who are patient and are willing to wait and care about making an emotional connection as well as a physical connection, but where are they?
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:36 PM   #24
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Oh..and sometimes...a woman just wants to get laid...and she is still the same woman the next day as she was before she scratched that itch.
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Old 03-09-2008, 01:54 PM   #25
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I agree with everyone else who has pointed out what a f*cked-up statement that is.

In one fail swoop you have put us back in the dark ages. Whats next? Should we loose the right to vote and stay in the kitchen? Cos..y'know, it's OK for a man to sleep around, but a big no-no for us girls unless we want to end up in a nunnery!
Maybe i read it differently, but i think he was more saying "this is how men think" rather than making a value judgement.

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My male friends are good enough to not worry about sleeping with a girl on the first date and they tell me they want to settle down, but if a girl they start dating hasn't put out by the third date, they run. I try to give them all practical reasons why the girl might want to wait a bit, but they just don't care. I'm honestly baffled by their impatience, but still, it stinks. Surely there are guys who are patient and are willing to wait and care about making an emotional connection as well as a physical connection, but where are they?
I'd be pretty suspicious of a guy who said "if you don't put out by the third date I'm out of here." Either he feels she's worth waiting for or he doesn't. It makes sense from many perspectives, including health, to get to know a person prior to becoming intimate. And to revisit the health thing? The only thing less appealing than a man who does not care about his own health and well being is a man who does not care about his parter's.
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