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Old 04-30-2008, 12:38 AM   #26
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wow i had no idea...that would be interesting to hear about

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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
Also, despite the cliche model of a dominant male forcing a submissive female to gain for his pleasure, there are in fact submissive female feeders and dominant male feedees.
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Old 04-30-2008, 12:39 AM   #27
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awww i'm sorry that you feel you have to hide in a place that is supposed to be accepting. I'm glad that you enjoyed the post hon

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thanks LargenLovely, for the post. I have always had feeder thoughts. I always kept them secret because it is controversial. Some people think it is a form of abuse. But I think that in the right relationship it can be sensual and a beautiful thing if both partners are willing.
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Old 04-30-2008, 02:42 AM   #28
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Sorry Phil but there is not a "sicker side of feederism."

Feederism is a sexual kink or fetish. There is nothing sick about feederism in and of itself. What is sick or wrong or bad is how people behave. Actions are good or evil, not sexuality.

You can say that rape is the "sicker side" of heterosexual intercourse. You can say that men who actually kidnap and imprison women or engage in the white slave trade represent the "sicker side" of S&M.

I happen to believe that any sexual activity involving consenting adults is not sick. It becomes sick and unhealthy when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated.

Also, despite the cliche model of a dominant male forcing a submissive female to gain for his pleasure, there are in fact submissive female feeders and dominant male feedees.
It was not my intention to hijack Melissa's positive thread. And, while I agree with her that the negative side of feeding has been much discussed in the forums, my post was just so that others who are new to this might keep a sense of perspective, that's all.

And while I agree with LoveBHMS that sick is when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated, I have seen many relationships over the years that involve exactly that. More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved in a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.
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Old 04-30-2008, 02:54 AM   #29
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It was not my intention to hijack Melissa's positive thread. And, while I agree with her that the negative side of feeding has been much discussed in the forums, my post was just so that others who are new to this might keep a sense of perspective, that's all.

And while I agree with LoveBHMS that sick is when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated, I have seen many relationships over the years that involve exactly that. More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved in a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.
I see what you're saying Phil, but there are any number of situations where one person engages in behaviour s/he does not enjoy merely to satisfy the other person. There are men who insist on threeways or exhibitionism or any number of kinks that maybe you or I have not even thought of.

The other point I wanted to make is that it's not necessarily the feeder who is the dominant partner. There has been some discussion about this, but there are two possible models here. One is a dominant feeder who wants to make his feedee gain because the other person gaining gives the feeder pleasure. The other is a dominant feedee for whom gaining in pleasurable and the feeder is the submissive one who does the satisfying by engaging in the 'demanded for' behaviour.
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Old 04-30-2008, 02:57 AM   #30
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I understand that this is surely a reality in some cases, but I think that a lot of people assume this about *anyone* who would be involved in this type of relationship..and that makes me angry and i really hoped it wouldn't be a part of this thread.

I think there is enough negativity out there that any new person would be able to find it easily. This thread was meant to describe a beautiful experience in the midst of all that negativity and show that there actually are real relationships that can include this without going off to some extreme that a lot of women wouldn't be comfortable with.

Edit***** i wanted to fix something. It doesn't make me angry at you Phil, but the thought in general makes me angry


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More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved in a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.
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Old 04-30-2008, 03:14 PM   #31
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I think that there should be some consideration to the fact that some relationships between an FA and their BBpartner are naturally going to involve food. I think that some people like to eat and some people like the effects of that person eating, whether it be, supplying it, making it, serving it, watching it, the results after eating it, which are numerous, etc.

I believe that what Melissa describes is a loving, mutually respectful relationship where both partners are having their needs met and discovering some new fun along the way.

I agree that forced feederism and abandonment is horrible. I do not think that all "feederism" is manipulative. I like to call my relationship with my husband a foodie/fooder. I like to eat and he likes to supply it, etc. There is a mutual enjoyment, and food is part of many aspects of our life.

I am grateful that Melissa is willing to share her life and do it so eloquently. Maybe if more people realized that food is not evil, it could be recognized as part of a healthy, loving relationship.

I think that there are a lot of submissive fooders who aim to please their partner, just as someone would if their partner preferred flowers or jewelry. Personally, my husband knows if he wants to bring a huge smile to my face, surprising me with goodies from the bakery will work every time. It is not manipulation, it is courting. He also knows that I *use* food to court him, like, eating certain foods a certain way or bringing food into other situations. For us it is a win/win situation.

I think that all strangers need to come with a warning - like, "keep your eyes open until you know their true intentions", but not all intentions are bad ones.

I have never met Melissa, but reading her posts for the past week has made me realize that my relationship with my husband is not so unique. She has described many things that I can relate to. I think that some others may benefit from reading these things so that they might ENJOY what they are doing without guilt, if they were having any bad feelings about it. If it is between two consenting adults and both have good intentions, then enjoy yourselves.

I hope this post does not seem rambling or negative to anyone. I am just joining the "people who lovingly offer food to their willing partner" club.
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Old 04-30-2008, 09:23 PM   #32
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[QUOTE=DumbAssBunny;779140]I believe that what Melissa describes is a loving, mutually respectful relationship where both partners are having their needs met and discovering some new fun along the way.[QUOTE]

yes that's exactly what i was trying to get across

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He also knows that I *use* food to court him, like, eating certain foods a certain way or bringing food into other situations. For us it is a win/win situation.

I have never met Melissa, but reading her posts for the past week has made me realize that my relationship with my husband is not so unique. She has described many things that I can relate to. I think that some others may benefit from reading these things so that they might ENJOY what they are doing without guilt, if they were having any bad feelings about it. If it is between two consenting adults and both have good intentions, then enjoy yourselves.
it IS a win/win situation...as long as both parties are aware of what the other wants and discuss these things and can find a balance that each are comfortable with...it can truly be a beautiful thing.

It's also nice for me to hear that someone else is experiencing the type of relationship that Bruce and i have. What we share is so amazing that i want others to experience it. I would hate for someone to completely bypass another person just because they are a feeder and not be aware that there are ways to find the balance in such a wonderful way...especially when that person could very well be the love of their life.
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Old 04-30-2008, 10:00 PM   #33
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And while I agree with LoveBHMS that sick is when one person is coerced, harmed, or manipulated, I have seen many relationships over the years that involve exactly that. More important, while the feedee may have consented to this relationship, he or she may have done so simply to be involved in a relationship, or had low self esteem, or psychological issues that preclude them from making a rational choice to be in ANY kind of relationship.
I would not consider it to be consenting if a person believes s/he has to do it in order for the relationship to exist.

It is possible for feederism to exist outside of a relationship, but still to be done in a "consenting" fashion; adults have consensual sex outside of marriage/dating all the time. So long as both parties agree to the terms, there is nothing wrong with it.

There is more than enough negative stuff written about it, it's nice to see a thread where it's discussed from a positive perspective.
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Old 04-30-2008, 10:47 PM   #34
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Default I think it is also worth repeating.

In many cases, it's the feeder who is actually the submissive one.

There are as many combinations of roles as there are partners who practice this, but I do think it's important to point out that there are many, many willing and eager feedees who seek out feeders to satisfy them. It's not only feeders looking for a partner who they can help gain weight. If a person is aroused by the idea or practice of erotic weight gain, it makes sense to seek out a partner who wants to play the opposing role, either feeder or feedee.
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Old 04-30-2008, 11:12 PM   #35
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In many cases, it's the feeder who is actually the submissive one.
Yes, exactly. I always thought that there had to be others who would also fit into the male submissive feeder and female dominant feedee category. It was on threads here and looking at some other sites that I realized that it is definitely more than alot of people realize.

Again, because alot of attention has been paid to (and sometimes rightfully so) the dangers of a dominant feeder who stuffs and leaves, the attention is shifted away from the gals who like food and the men who aim to please them.

I actually read on one of the sites about a submissive man who would willingly give up food if his feedee wanted more and there wasn't going to be enough for him. I was like, gee, hubby has given me food off his plate more than once. I think sometimes the feederism is more subtle than some may realize because some are too quick to label it as a kink or fetish. With anything, there are varying degrees and we all fit into the kaleidoscope that is this world.
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Old 04-30-2008, 11:15 PM   #36
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Yes, exactly. I always thought that there had to be others who would also fit into the male submissive feeder and female dominant feedee category. It was on threads here and looking at some other sites that I realized that it is definitely more than alot of people realize.

Again, because alot of attention has been paid to (and sometimes rightfully so) the dangers of a dominant feeder who stuffs and leaves, the attention is shifted away from the gals who like food and the men who aim to please them.

I actually read on one of the sites about a submissive man who would willingly give up food if his feedee wanted more and there wasn't going to be enough for him. I was like, gee, hubby has given me food off his plate more than once. I think sometimes the feederism is more subtle than some may realize because some are too quick to label it as a kink or fetish. With anything, there are varying degrees and we all fit into the kaleidoscope that is this world.
the guys who like food and the females who aim to please them.
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Old 04-30-2008, 11:23 PM   #37
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the guys who like food and the females who aim to please them.
You are right, sorry about that. Big guys need their loving ladies too!
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Old 05-01-2008, 11:28 AM   #38
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Great post LnL! First off I want to thank you for taking the time to share your "growth" and of your journey to the rest of us. You have been very candid and thoughtful. I feel better about myself because you have put into words, very eloquently, of how I feel about a relationship with a BBW should be. I stress the "I" part. Don't want to get some peoples panties in a bunch. Food has to be in the mix for me. I want to feel like I have contributed to the of woman of my desires lovelyness. And food would play a part in the sensuality of the act of sex.
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Old 05-01-2008, 12:20 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
In many cases, it's the feeder who is actually the submissive one.

There are as many combinations of roles as there are partners who practice this, but I do think it's important to point out that there are many, many willing and eager feedees who seek out feeders to satisfy them. It's not only feeders looking for a partner who they can help gain weight. If a person is aroused by the idea or practice of erotic weight gain, it makes sense to seek out a partner who wants to play the opposing role, either feeder or feedee.
These are pretty much the only types of relationships I've been in and the only ones I can really tolerate. Surely there is some chest beating and encouraging on his part but I liken it to a strip tease. I'm the one who does the dancing and picks the music. It's his job to just sit there, whistle and cheer. I often wonder though, in many D/s relatiohships the couple will readily agree that even though the male is the Dom, the sub is really the one who is in control. I'm not spelling it out right but to generalize, just about any relationship forms more around the people and not upon set standards and label roles.

/jibberish
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Old 05-01-2008, 08:21 PM   #40
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....I often wonder though, in many D/s relatiohships the couple will readily agree that even though the male is the Dom, the sub is really the one who is in control. I'm not spelling it out right but to generalize, just about any relationship forms more around the people and not upon set standards and label roles.

/jibberish
Yes Lilly you are on the right track, but just to add to it. LoveBHMS was getting at this too.

I enjoy BDSM. I identify as the sub. I can say that from my experience and from talking to other subs the roles D/s, M/s, Top, bottom can be labeled, but essentially it is a playful exchange of power. Tho I am the sub, when I say to my Dom, I want you to do x, or I don't like it when you do y, or when I hint at a certain thing, or when I use my safe word, I am in control during those moments, yet I am the sub. When he gives into what I want (whether I want it to be a punishment or a reward) he is being the submissive. But in those moments it doesn't matter really.

Because it is an intense and constant EXCHANGE of power and sexual energy often it is not appropriate or necessary to figure out who is playing which role all the time. Not knowing exactly does not diminish from that role or the experience of the scene either. It only adds to it. I willingly give up my power to my Dom. He cannot have it joyfully without my acquiescence and a good Dom knows this and feels privileged to have it. And I, as a sub am comforted to know that Dom cares enough (about me or the purity of the experience or both) to want to take on that responsibility.

When any play/game/scene/kink/fetish activity that one engages in is done in a safe sane consensual manner it becomes a loving and nurturing scene no matter who you are playing with. Essentially it's the safe sane consensual parts that count towards this. There are people who do play without these rules. I wouldn't want to be involved in that kind of scene at all.
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Old 05-02-2008, 04:29 AM   #41
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Yes Lilly you are on the right track, but just to add to it. LoveBHMS was getting at this too.

I enjoy BDSM. I identify as the sub. I can say that from my experience and from talking to other subs the roles D/s, M/s, Top, bottom can be labeled, but essentially it is a playful exchange of power. Tho I am the sub, when I say to my Dom, I want you to do x, or I don't like it when you do y, or when I hint at a certain thing, or when I use my safe word, I am in control during those moments, yet I am the sub. When he gives into what I want (whether I want it to be a punishment or a reward) he is being the submissive. But in those moments it doesn't matter really.

Because it is an intense and constant EXCHANGE of power and sexual energy often it is not appropriate or necessary to figure out who is playing which role all the time. Not knowing exactly does not diminish from that role or the experience of the scene either. It only adds to it. I willingly give up my power to my Dom. He cannot have it joyfully without my acquiescence and a good Dom knows this and feels privileged to have it. And I, as a sub am comforted to know that Dom cares enough (about me or the purity of the experience or both) to want to take on that responsibility.

When any play/game/scene/kink/fetish activity that one engages in is done in a safe sane consensual manner it becomes a loving and nurturing scene no matter who you are playing with. Essentially it's the safe sane consensual parts that count towards this. There are people who do play without these rules. I wouldn't want to be involved in that kind of scene at all.
Thank you olwen. You hit the nail on the head and explained it way better than my clumsy attempt.
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Old 05-04-2008, 06:25 PM   #42
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There are people who do play without these rules. I wouldn't want to be involved in that kind of scene at all.

In my pre-Asshley days I met a girl who liked to be choked during sex. As we spoke, she related to me many stories of her being in control, that is, that she had a signal that she would give just before she was ready to pass out, like a double tap, and her dom would release her from the choke hold. She claimed the most intense orgasm from this activity, as she considered herself in control.

About a week before we were to meet in person (she lived in Pittsburgh), she called me to let me know that her dom had put her in the hospital, as he cholked her beyond consciousness. She became infuriated when I asked her if she, in her effort to be "in control" decided against the old double tug. Upon further interrogation, she admitted that she was enjoying it so much that she refused to give in, and was now hospitalized as a result.

To this day, I reflect on the fact that 1. She was in control of the entire relationship, and her "dom" was really subserviant to her wishes, and 2. If anyone sees a part of their sexual relationship as potentially harmful to themselves, or the object of their desire, they should exercise their right to get out of it.

I never met this girl in person, for fear that it would not be enjoyable to choke the hell out of her and nearly kill her for either one of our satisfactions. I make this analogy because I beleive feederism can be the same way. I believe it's a choice, and when both agree on the parameters & limits of what they want, it can be phenomenal, but when there is in fact no agreement, it can be a mess, for at least one, and sometimes both of them.

This is a long winded way of giving rep to Olwen for her very thoughtful post, as I'm out of rep for her at present.
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Old 05-04-2008, 07:18 PM   #43
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Thank you Guy.

I've also experienced the playing without clear rules - my first Dom in fact - and so I learned the hard way. Only the hurt and danger was psychological rather than physical. It can be just as bad. I wanted to negotiate after about 4 months into it because I was starting to get the out of control feeling. He refused to negotiate and it just got ugly. Never again. I'm actually starting to wonder if I should use written contracts for the future.
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Old 05-10-2008, 10:12 AM   #44
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wrestlingguy, that's a sad and frightening story. I would like to think however that spoon-feeding a lover chocolate ice cream and weighing them on a scale is far less likely to turn ugly and get out of control than, yah know, strangling them.
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all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.
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Old 05-10-2008, 10:14 AM   #45
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wrestlingguy, that's a sad and frightening story. I would like to think however that spoon-feeding a lover chocolate ice cream and weighing them on a scale is far less likely to turn ugly and get out of control than, yah know, strangling them.
I don't know....those spoons are very deadly lol
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Old 05-18-2008, 08:28 PM   #46
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I think that there should be some consideration to the fact that some relationships between an FA and their BBpartner are naturally going to involve food. I think that some people like to eat and some people like the effects of that person eating, whether it be, supplying it, making it, serving it, watching it, the results after eating it, which are numerous, etc.....

...I hope this post does not seem rambling or negative to anyone. I am just joining the "people who lovingly offer food to their willing partner" club.
I tried to rep you for this post but it wouldn't let me! So I am forced to publicly give you a big cheer for a terrific post. Loved it.
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Old 05-19-2008, 08:08 AM   #47
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I tried to rep you for this post but it wouldn't let me! So I am forced to publicly give you a big cheer for a terrific post. Loved it.
Thank you Randi!
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Old 06-20-2008, 05:50 AM   #48
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Default A person of true substance. . .

What an incredible posting. So rarely does one express themselves as eloquently as you have here LnL. . I always make reference to the amount of time I've been "online" or a member of the size-acceptance community. It's very true, many years have passed since my introduction to the "online" community via Internet Relay Chat. . Talk about ancient times eh?

While I've never met most of the folks on here in person, there are many over the years I've come to know in chat and other venues. You learn to get a "feel" for people over the years. Sometimes you're right, sometimes not so right, but it seems to balance.

I always say, "one of these years I'm gonna make it to Vegas so I can rub elbows with the folks here". Well one of these years. . Oh heck, I may even find time to participate in something regional. . hahaha

LnL is one of those really "cool" people that you run across online and think to yourself. ."Damn that girl has it together". . Of course she does have it together. . It takes a lot to open up and share life's unpleasant experiences here, or anywhere for that matter. It's never easy, but I like to think the people here are more supportive than combative. Besides, you never know who you may help out by sharing. .

I salute you LnL for being so open and honest. . You're an inspiration to more people than you may realize.
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Old 06-20-2008, 10:25 AM   #49
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yes ancient times lol...i've had a website for 8+ years and had found dimensions a year prior to that. So i've been around for almost a decade now. It's really shocking to me when i think of it in those terms lol.

but really....what an amazing compliment one of the best i've ever received...thank you so much.

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What an incredible posting. So rarely does one express themselves as eloquently as you have here LnL. . I always make reference to the amount of time I've been "online" or a member of the size-acceptance community. It's very true, many years have passed since my introduction to the "online" community via Internet Relay Chat. . Talk about ancient times eh?

While I've never met most of the folks on here in person, there are many over the years I've come to know in chat and other venues. You learn to get a "feel" for people over the years. Sometimes you're right, sometimes not so right, but it seems to balance.

I always say, "one of these years I'm gonna make it to Vegas so I can rub elbows with the folks here". Well one of these years. . Oh heck, I may even find time to participate in something regional. . hahaha

LnL is one of those really "cool" people that you run across online and think to yourself. ."Damn that girl has it together". . Of course she does have it together. . It takes a lot to open up and share life's unpleasant experiences here, or anywhere for that matter. It's never easy, but I like to think the people here are more supportive than combative. Besides, you never know who you may help out by sharing. .

I salute you LnL for being so open and honest. . You're an inspiration to more people than you may realize.
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Old 06-20-2008, 10:37 AM   #50
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yes ancient times lol...i've had a website for 8+ years and had found dimensions a year prior to that. So i've been around for almost a decade now. It's really shocking to me when i think of it in those terms lol.
No, that isn't possible....you are one of those 'new' people! So if you've been around here that long, and I'd been here well before you, that means.....

But on a more serious note, thank you for all you've said in this thread. I think it has been a really valuable contribution to Dimensions.
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