The Reality Of Dating An SSBBW

[TallFatSue]

Originally Posted by largenlovely

Though...it can be quite frustrating to see or hear of men who claim to be interested in dating an ssbbw only to find that they know nothing of the realities it entails...it makes a woman question whether or not they truly *are* interested in having a real life relationship, or if they are merely caught up in fantasy.

Then there are the FAs-In-Training. In my case it was kinda funny because my husband had never dated a fat girl before our paths crossed, so he had no idea how to handle a SSBBW. To his credit, he sure learned! In retrospect, it was a romance out of a screwball comedy.

[JayInBuff]

Originally Posted by TallFatSue

In retrospect, it was a romance out of a screwball comedy.

I think this would be a great idea. I wonder if it would sell. A FA falls in love/lust after he comes out of the "closet". The guy would try hard but pratfall would ensue around every corner. In the end, the girl gets the guy she loves. Should I start on the screen-play?

[largenlovely]

what a very lovely post i'd also like to add to this because it made me think of something else...

I'm a very confident strong woman and have always been one to stick up for myself. There are definitely times where my mouth over-rides my ass (believe it or not lol) Though, there have also been times where i just let it go. Sometimes i'm just too tired to deal with an issue.

Bruce and I went to the movie theater and were on our way back to the car. Some stupid snot nosed teenager ran by and yelled fatty or something like that at me as we were getting in the car. Bruce was very upset, but i was just all whatever about it and blew it off. Y'all can't always be our knights in shining armor. Sometimes it IS just better to let it go. In fact i think most fat girls would rather let it go..i just happen to have an attitude lol

Originally Posted by James

Be aware of situations where such discrimination or judgement might be a possibility and be ready to be more supportive and affectionate at those times. Hold her hand or put it on the small of her back so that she knows that you are there with her physically....

man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really

[largenlovely]

lol that's too cute...as much as i break stuff and clumsy as i am, i am probably right there with ya lol

Originally Posted by TallFatSue

In retrospect, it was a romance out of a screwball comedy.

[BeautifulPoeticDisaster]

Originally Posted by largenlovely

what a very lovely post i'd also like to add to this because it made me think of something else...

I'm a very confident strong woman and have always been one to stick up for myself. There are definitely times where my mouth over-rides my ass (believe it or not lol) Though, there have also been times where i just let it go. Sometimes i'm just too tired to deal with an issue.

Bruce and I went to the movie theater and were on our way back to the car. Some stupid snot nosed teenager ran by and yelled fatty or something like that at me as we were getting in the car. Bruce was very upset, but i was just all whatever about it and blew it off. Y'all can't always be our knights in shining armor. Sometimes it IS just better to let it go. In fact i think most fat girls would rather let it go..i just happen to have an attitude lol

I had a similar situation with Mike. We were down in Southampton at the mall/shopping centre. We had to nip to the loo first. When I went in there was a group of about 5 giggling teenagers on their way out. I knew they were laughing about me, but what can ya do? I just let it roll off my back. When I came out of the toilet I met a very red faced Mike. He was FUMING. I was like, OMG, you ok?? He said yeah but some girls were saying things.....

In this situation, I ended up comforting him, lol. He meant well, but sometimes he gets more pissed off than I do!

[D_A_Bunny]

I know that for me, posting some information on this thread was meant to be a helpful guide to anyone that may be interested in having it. I believe that everyone here has offered many informative and valid points to think about and consider.

I firmly believe that Melissa's purpose in originally posting this was meant to be used as a back and forth guide. Some may have taken exception to the example that she used about the car, but I think she really did mean it in a broader sense (I hope I am not out of bounds here, or that anyone thinks I am speaking for her)

One of the things that I have noticed about reading alot of different threads here on the boards in general is that everyone needs to keep in mind that in fact, we are READING. That means we are not watching and listening for tones, inflections and visible clues about what anyone is saying. Some may say something one way and it is miscontrued to mean something else. This also pertains to dating in general.

In addition to some of the physical items I have mentioned earlier, here are some emotional things that one may want to consider.

1. Excellent points made by the people who stated that they attribute the fact that they are single to their fat, yet the admirer sees them as a "regular" person. So now that you know that, next time, be aware. Meaning, consider yourself a single person looking to meet another single person. Personally when I met my husband, it was obvious that he was interested in me for my size initially. Hey, I had no problem with that, since in the past it had only worked against me, why not let it work for me this time. When we were first talking, I asked him other things to test him that were non-fat related, like, if you were an M&M, what color would you be? You know, just the fact that he actually answered it and didn't think I was a wacko let me know he could handle my silliness.

2. Yes, relationships go both ways. If one has something and it is what is needed, then share. But if you are thinking long term, keep the "structure" of things in mind for future purposes. It will be a good investment.

3. Most grateful people I know, act gratefully. Sometimes, just having the attitude, "this is important for both of us and we are in it together" goes a long way.

4. Be nice to the FA in training, he/she is learning and wants to know, but has alot of issues too that we may not be aware of. They want to please their date and maintain their own identities at the same time, meaning, they want to be a good FA, but be (insert name here) as a good FA.

5. This item is a two sided coin for sure and is also one of the slippery slopes involved, that is, going out and/or staying in. SSBBWs are NEVER in the closet. They can not act like they are not fat. It is very important if you like someone, male or female, that you NEVER act ashamed of them. So, take them out. On the other hand, while dating there may be times, like Bruce mentioned, when weather, or convenience may dictate that it is better to stay home. Communicate and decide together. And if you stay home, make it special for both of you. Sometimes, making a special date at home is a great way to do something luxurious and comfortable and less anxious.

6. Sometimes we all need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Some people may know more than someone else about something in particular. Like anything, people learn through kindness and recognition, not negativity.

I am only writing these things as my own opinion. I am not in the dating world, so as far as specifics with that, I can not help. I am however very experienced at being a very large woman and as a Virgo has spent numerous hours analyzing my diehard FA husband.

And since I am rambling, and if anyone has actually read this far, I would like to say to anyone who might have thought in the past that they specifically would NOT be interested in an FA - RECONSIDER! I cannot imagine my life without a man who wants my fat. It is physically the biggest part of my existence and emotionally how I relate to the world. I didn't accept this when I first met him, but he has shown me the beauty in myself and all of the other fat people in the world. So my vote goes to the FAs and FFAs in the house.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by James

...Hold her hand or put it on the small of her back so that she knows that you are there with her physically....

man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really

This is great - well, it's all great - but this is nice.

Sometimes it's really that simple. If we're having a hard time, if you can feel the eyes in the room turning towards her, if you know she's tensing up.... hold her hand, put your arm around our back, whisper something in our ear, show us - and ALL of them - that you're with us. You're not just a friend, or our brother or gay cousin who hangs out with us. You're OUR guy... you love us or like us a lot, you find us attractive, and you have no shame in reaching out in a real, tangible way to show we have a connection.

Sometimes when things are piling up on us in a public situation, that hand that reaches out can be just enough to lift us above it all.

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW

I had a similar situation with Mike. We were down in Southampton at the mall/shopping centre. We had to nip to the loo first. When I went in there was a group of about 5 giggling teenagers on their way out. I knew they were laughing about me, but what can ya do? I just let it roll off my back. When I came out of the toilet I met a very red faced Mike. He was FUMING. I was like, OMG, you ok?? He said yeah but some girls were saying things.....

In this situation, I ended up comforting him, lol. He meant well, but sometimes he gets more pissed off than I do!

Since we're telling war stories... I don't have any valiant FAs backing me up. However there was this one time I had a bunch of nasty nephews doing so. We pulled over at this gas station and they went into the convenient store while I pumped gas. I'm pumping gas and suddenly I hear this screech behind me. I turn around and these two nasty little boys were standing by the door raising their arm and making elephant noises. Dirty little townies. I was just about to turn my head and ignore them when my nephews came out of the store. They grabbed the two little boys, dragged them by the scruff kicking and fighting the whole way to the car and Adam said calmly in his newly deepened voice, "I think you should apologize." I was more freaked out by the voilence than anything but the boys uttered a "sorry" before my nephews chased them off into the woods behind the rest stop. I told the boys to hurry up and get in the car so we could get the hell out of there before somebody calls the cops. They still laugh about that incident.

[gangstadawg]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

Since we're telling war stories... I don't have any valiant FAs backing me up. However there was this one time I had a bunch of nasty nephews doing so. We pulled over at this gas station and they went into the convenient store while I pumped gas. I'm pumping gas and suddenly I hear this screech behind me. I turn around and these two nasty little boys were standing by the door raising their arm and making elephant noises. Dirty little townies. I was just about to turn my head and ignore them when my nephews came out of the store. They grabbed the two little boys, dragged them by the scruff kicking and fighting the whole way to the car and Adam said calmly in his newly deepened voice, "I think you should apologize." I was more freaked out by the voilence than anything but the boys uttered a "sorry" before my nephews chased them off into the woods behind the rest stop. I told the boys to hurry up and get in the car so we could get the hell out of there before somebody calls the cops. They still laugh about that incident.

sometimes you gotta whoop ass to get respect. usually its supposed to be a last resort.

[ripley]

Originally Posted by loggamatt

Awww... I love Miranda

Anyway... for all my posts on this thread, please ignore and instead read what Miranda just said about it being a game of two halves (which is a football/'soccer' expression... does that translate for you Americans? lol) as she's put it way better than I have!

I think everyone understands that it's "two halves"....what we're saying is "here is what you need to think about for your half."

If you're dating a ssbbw and she doesn't fit in your car or feel comfortable in your home...you (universal you) must realize how almost hostile that feels. Yeah, we can drive my car every time...yeah, we can always go to my place...but are you a spectator in this or are you on the team?

I can take care of myself, always have. But if you're just along for the ride? Pfft, I have enough to do without dating someone who makes me field everything. I don't expect you to meet me and immediately buy a bigger car and new furniture. I expect you, if you want to date really fat girls, to have thought about this beforehand.

Especially after reading this thread.

[UncannyBruceman]

Originally Posted by largenlovely

Bruce and I went to the movie theater and were on our way back to the car. Some stupid snot nosed teenager ran by and yelled fatty or something like that at me as we were getting in the car. Bruce was very upset, but i was just all whatever about it and blew it off. Y'all can't always be our knights in shining armor. Sometimes it IS just better to let it go.

But then we have to carry this memory in our minds when we easily could have done something. I remember the whole event...the kid yelled out something in Spanish as he ran by, looking at us and laughing. He ran back to his friend like a little coward, and to this day, I would love for the chance to silence him and send him back south of the border in a pine box. Little punks like that deserve what comes to them, and by brushing it off and NOT acting, it will only enable him to do it again...only he'll do it to a woman who DOESN'T have a man that can choke him out in one of four different ways.

[ripley]

Are you Wayne Brady??

[UncannyBruceman]

Originally Posted by James

man, there's a million other little things but when you are in love, all of them probably come naturally anyway... treat the princess that you love as the princess that she is... thats all I can say really

I prefer "queen sized love for a queen sized girl", but you more or less captured what most of us men are trying to say. There's an adjustment period that needs to be made. I still need to make adjustments at times, but I pretty much have all grounds covered when Melissa and I are together. Keep loving yours the way you do, and you won't even realize how easy it gets to look out for her.

As for shielding your lady from hateful comments, well, your tactics go along with what size acceptance REALLY is to me...it's not about going to events or making TV appearances to preach any words. To me, it's about SHOWING the world that fat girls and their admirers have some hope in the world (but more importantly, for each other). For example, Melissa and I are equally affectionate in public as we are in private. Closeted FA's and/or shy fat girls will look at us and think "this is what I want for myself", and it empowers them to be more confident and more open. As for naysayers, they will look at us, and for some, the question turns from "what's he doing with her" to "why isn't MY guy like that". Whenever we see a woman smile at us or give us that encouraging glance, we know we've changed the way she looks at fat girls and their boyfriends.

Despite the tasks us FA's have before us, we still consider ourselves blessed. And to be honest? I'm not bothered if I can't go to a vacation spot simply because it isn't fat friendly. I know I can't take Melissa to Six Flags or have her walk around all day at the Renaissance Fair. Granted, I'd love to share these things with her if we found a way to make it easy, but giving those things up amount to a small sacrifice when I consider how long I've been yearning to have Melissa at my side. Despite the sacrifices, I feel blessed.

[largenlovely]

and MY job as HIS fat girlfriend??...keeping him calm ...it's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it hehe

and i understand your point honey, but sometimes i'm just too tired to deal with it and would rather we just let it be. If that kid acted that way to us he's probably doing that to many other different people (not just fat people) and will eventually get the ass whipping he deserves

Originally Posted by UncannyBruceman

He ran back to his friend like a little coward, and to this day, I would love for the chance to silence him and send him back south of the border in a pine box. Little punks like that deserve what comes to them

[largenlovely]

i feel blessed as well

Originally Posted by UncannyBruceman

Despite the tasks us FA's have before us, we still consider ourselves blessed. And to be honest? I'm not bothered if I can't go to a vacation spot simply because it isn't fat friendly. I know I can't take Melissa to Six Flags or have her walk around all day at the Renaissance Fair. Granted, I'd love to share these things with her if we found a way to make it easy, but giving those things up amount to a small sacrifice when I consider how long I've been yearning to have Melissa at my side. Despite the sacrifices, I feel blessed.

[ekmanifest]

I have always been incredibly independent and never really thought about someone I was dating making accommodations for my size. This could be because the last time I was dating I wasn't quite as super-sized as I am now. I have to tell you though - on our third date we decided to go to the movies and walk from his house - it was about 10 blocks. I was a little worried - but I'd been walking way more than that on a treadmill and didn't think it would be an issue. However, my treadmill was in an airconditioned gym and I was in gym clothes. By the time we got to the movie theatre, my back was killing me and I was sweating in a very unfeminine manner. I was also incredibly humiliated by the whole thing. My guy was so wonderful. As soon as the movie was over he ran (and I mean ran home and got the car and came back to get me. It endeared him to me forever. Now, he drops me off and then goes to park the car. Sometimes we'll walk back to the car depending on how far it is. He is always telling me that I don't have to walk so fast - just take it easy. The way he is about this kind of thing is just really wonderful and endearing. Girls remember that . . . this is particularly a good memory when they are doing something that irritates you

[largenlovely]

whatta sweet fella and that is very true...it would take me 10 pages to write down all the stuff Bruce has done ...and probably things he has just flat out done quietly that i wasn't aware of. It does make it particularly hard to be or stay mad at someone when ya know they've done so many loving things for you.

Originally Posted by ekmanifest

The way he is about this kind of thing is just really wonderful and endearing. Girls remember that . . . this is particularly a good memory when they are doing something that irritates you

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by UncannyBruceman

But then we have to carry this memory in our minds when we easily could have done something. I remember the whole event...the kid yelled out something in Spanish as he ran by, looking at us and laughing. He ran back to his friend like a little coward, and to this day, I would love for the chance to silence him and send him back south of the border in a pine box. Little punks like that deserve what comes to them, and by brushing it off and NOT acting, it will only enable him to do it again...only he'll do it to a woman who DOESN'T have a man that can choke him out in one of four different ways.

No, she might have five angry nephews instead with the energy to chase him through the woods like a pack of wild dogs. That would stick in his memory for while.

[loggamatt]

Originally Posted by ripley

I think everyone understands that it's "two halves"....what we're saying is "here is what you need to think about for your half."

If you're dating a ssbbw and she doesn't fit in your car or feel comfortable in your home...you (universal you) must realize how almost hostile that feels. Yeah, we can drive my car every time...yeah, we can always go to my place...but are you a spectator in this or are you on the team?

I can take care of myself, always have. But if you're just along for the ride? Pfft, I have enough to do without dating someone who makes me field everything. I don't expect you to meet me and immediately buy a bigger car and new furniture. I expect you, if you want to date really fat girls, to have thought about this beforehand.

Especially after reading this thread.

And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet

Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?

I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!

[Sicilia_Curves]

Originally Posted by largenlovely

I was chatting about this tonight and felt like it should be a post lol

It has been said that you can tell if a man is TRULY an FA by the type of car he drives. It is a snap judgement call i suppose, because if the guy can only afford a ford fiesta, well what can ya do...but economics aside...i think it's a relatively good indicator (in a comical sort of way lol). I mean, if a guy is serious about having a relationship with a supersized woman it just wouldn't be smart to own a tiny car.

This train of thought of course led to other issues. I'm sure this has been a topic before, but i haven't read it..so here goes again i suppose You have to wonder with all these fellas who claim they want a supersized woman.. do they REALLY know what they're getting themselves into? Are they up for the job? Or is it just a fantasy that they play out in their mind without thinking of any of the realities?

I dated a guy once a few years ago..we went to a music festival and had to walk for miles upon miles. I was about 375 at the time..and wasn't in bad shape for that size, but miles of walking is HARD. I would have to sit down periodically because of cramps in my legs and sore feet...and eventually he got tired of it!!! My response? well.. "either ya deal with it or maybe i should go on a diet" (i was bluffing of course LOL) but that type of unsympathetic response shouldn't come from a man who claims to love supersized women.

Men who are interested in SSBBW's should realize that, after a certain size, we're not able to do things like that. We can't walk into any restaurant and fit in the booth. Some of us like (or need) to be dropped off at the front of the store..and i personally have to ride in the cart and would not want to be with a man who would be embarrassed by that. We sometimes need help getting up from a low chair..or help getting into a high vehicle.

I know i've only touched on very few of the issues that SSBBW's have to think about and deal with on a daily basis, but i'm tired lol. Fortunately for me my man thinks of these things, but God knows i had previously spoken to a lot of men who were quite clueless about these types of issues and the realities of dating an SSBBW.

So my question is...fellas have you really thought about what the reality of dating an SSBBW is like? Please do tell

Amen sista! Thank you for bringing this topic to light! I havent heard anyone put thought into it like that on a forum! You're awesome!

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by loggamatt

And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet

Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?

I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!

This thread is not meant for serial daters and wishy washy men who straddle the fence. This is for a guy whose preference is for SSBBW and is interested in a LTR. Go ahead and keep your wicker furniture.

[BeautifulPoeticDisaster]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

This thread is not meant for serial daters and wishy washy men who straddle the fence. This is for a guy whose preference is for SSBBW and is interested in a LTR. Go ahead and keep your wicker furniture.

AMEN! I could not agree more! This thread is about a man who plans ahead because he knows exactly what he wants in life. Seriously, some guys will never get it...and thus they will remain ssbbw-less.

[Blackjack]

Originally Posted by loggamatt

And I don't think that I, as a single man, should buy special furniture in anticipation of forming a relationship with a hypothetical SSBBW who I may never meet

Trying to adapt your life/possessions to accommodate a SSBBW that you are in a relationship with is one thing... and something I would agree with. But you seem to think that I should design my life around someone who, for all I know, doesn't exist?

I really think you're putting the cart before the horse there. As far as I see it, it makes sense to meet the SSBBW before you try to accommodate her... lol. I certainly would hate to have created "SSBBW World" in my living room then never end up meeting the SSBBW who is meant to appreciate it!

Okay, so feel free to keep your flimsy, tight furniture in your bachelor pad, but don't be surprised if you get a negative reaction if you bring an SSBBW over.

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by BigBellySSBBW

AMEN! I could not agree more! This thread is about a man who plans ahead because he knows exactly what he wants in life. Seriously, some guys will never get it...and thus they will remain ssbbw-less.

Exactly. I like big dudes therefore I have a kingsized bed, my apartment has high ceilings, my showerhead is up high and my furniture generous. I keep beer in the fridge even though I don't touch the stuff. I don't understand why all this quibbling. What I do, I do as much for me as it is for him - ficticious though he may be. I want the guy to be comfy so he'll be encouraged to come again. Seriously, if you don't care then pass this thread by.

[AnnMarie]

I agree and would not want to see this VERY HELPFUL thread derailed with the minutia of who/when/where/why these things may or may not be done.

These are tips of the trade, if you will, and keeping it positive in focus would be appreciated by those who are here to share and learn. I'm getting a lot of requests to reign things in... people are invested in making this thread very useful, so if we could all work towards that, it would be appreciated.

Thanks,
/mod