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Old 04-27-2008, 11:59 AM   #151
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yes you're right this is probably definitely a common anxiety among ssbbw's. I know i deal with it.

Bruce and I drove down to NJ one day to visit Carla, Phil and our other friend Andrea, who was visiting. I heard Bruce on the phone with Phil and he didn't skip a beat..."nah, Melissa can't walk through the mall but we'll be happy to meet you for dinner"

Which, i guess i have no desire to walk through the mall anymore anyway being that none of the stuff in there fits me lol

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I have all these same thoughts and anxieties whenever I have to go somewhere I have never been before and I am unsure of what kind of physical exertion it might require from me.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:01 PM   #152
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Originally Posted by loggamatt View Post
Mmm... good thread!

Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.

So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?

Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?

The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.

It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.

As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.
I realize you're leaping off Melissa's first line about the car, but I think she's really talking about things that would make it impossible, and I don't believe (at least not how I read things) that the suggestion is that all of these things are up to the FA.

Communication is key, and just thinking enough to know there ARE obstacles for us, keeping us in mind when making plans and decisions. Obviously you can't avoid all things that make things harder for us, but if you have a choice between two nice apartments and you CHOOSE the one with the huge staircase going in over the one that was just as nice with no staircase - all other things being equal? Yeah, that's going to make us wonder how serious you are about things... that's the point I believe she's making.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:05 PM   #153
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Originally Posted by loggamatt View Post
Mmm... good thread!

Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. Sure, you could get a big heap of rust used car, but that's a false economy as you may end up paying more money on repairs. Plus there's fuel economy to consider, especially for those of us who live in the UK as fuel prices here are unbelievable.

So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?

Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?

The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.

It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be inflammatory, I just find it interesting that this kind of FA/SSBBW relationship seems to be inherently anti-feminist.

As for the less financially dependent practicalities... yes, I agree. I think a lot of it though is common sense, it just requires the FA in question to use a little thought when planning things. It shouldn't take a genius FA to realise that SSBBW walk a little slower... it just requires a FA who is generally considerate of other people.

Defensive much?

What if the SSBBW is too big to fit behind a wheel? Then of course no matter how independent she is, she will not be driving.

As for furniture....it is your responsibility to at least think about it. Economics do come into play, you are right. But it does in all dating not just fat dating. A ssbbw wants a guy who doesn't have a crap sofa....and thin woman doesn't wan't some broke guy with a bus pass. More so in the US, but still. (greatly generalized statements)

Your post came off really harsh...as if we shouldn't let our ssbbw issues effect us. This just is dumb. I can't leave my issues at home. If you come pick me up for a date and I don't fit in your car, then what? I can't walk a million miles either. If I do fit into your car, and we get back to your house and I can't sit on any furniture....are you saying that's MY problem???? It is something a FA should think about...and even SAVE for it if he can't afford it up front.

I like you Matt, but your post really bothered me. Like really. It i's basically saying....I'm a big grown up girl and I should just deal with situations....well I'm beyond a size that I can just "deal"...it takes thought, time and effort by both me and my FA...who isn't rich BTW.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:13 PM   #154
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I realize you're leaping off Melissa's first line about the car, but I think she's really talking about things that would make it impossible, and I don't believe (at least not how I read things) that the suggestion is that all of these things are up to the FA.

Communication is key, and just thinking enough to know there ARE obstacles for us, keeping us in mind when making plans and decisions. Obviously you can't avoid all things that make things harder for us, but if you have a choice between two nice apartments and you CHOOSE the one with the huge staircase going in over the one that was just as nice with no staircase - all other things being equal? Yeah, that's going to make us wonder how serious you are about things... that's the point I believe she's making.
Yep... sorry... I'm a bit late to the thread! But there are definitely a few things that are up to the FA, and can be financially costly to the FA. Now, I guess if the FA has money then it's fair to say "if you're serious about being an FA you need to be serious about spending the dough!", but some FAs may just not have the money, whether they would be willing to spend it or not. If that means that SSBBW require men to have a certain level of wealth, I could imagine that being disheartening to many men.

Couldn't agree more about the communication though. I've always thought that size limitation communication is often the make or break of a FA/SSBBW relationship. It is something that works both ways... inconsiderate FAs may simply not care/want to hear the issues that the SSBBW is raising. But on the other hand, many SSBBW are shy about admitting certain limitations and so the FA isn't aware that there are limitations. I think it's about being comfortable with each other, trusting each other, and having a certain level of consideration and empathy for each other.

But then, that could be said for any relationship I'm sure... working as a team is the way relationships have to work if they're going to work at all!
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:15 PM   #155
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I think you made a number of assumptions as well lol

I have a very large older car that i drive and i love, but my boyfriend lives out of state. If he didn't have a large car then i guess i would have to ride on the hood? My car wasn't overly expensive and is large..it's an older car but it's in very good shape. I may pay a tad more for gas, but it's not like i'm forking it over hand over fist just because it's a bit larger.

There are special needs that just *are* when dating an ssbbw...it comes with the territory. The needs don't solely rest on the shoulders of whatever man happens to be dating said ssbbw, but they are needs that must be accommodated. I have to have a tub..an apartment without stairs absolutely. We need sturdier furniture yes. Now...that being said, i have always paid my share of the bills. I don't believe i suggested anything otherwise. I know my point was that we have to have these things and that men should be aware of that. We are more expensive yes...but as Dumbassbunny has shown, there are ways to do things to cut corners. I know a friend who had someone she knew make a bed frame for her that would hold her.

Though, there are also a lot of ssbbw's who do have a hard time finding jobs. There is a lot of discrimination out there. So that should be taken into account. There are a lot of things to think about when dating ssbbw's and i dunno...if ya can't stand the heat, maybe ya gotta get out of the kitchen

Edit: I just realized this was you Matt lol...so what am i saying you've been IN my car so you know it's not a complete heap lol

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Originally Posted by loggamatt View Post
Just a few things that occur to me though. With the car thing, would you therefore say that poor men should not be allowed to date SSBBW? Maybe you just can't afford a big car. .

So if I am a poor man who can only afford a small car, or perhaps no car at all, should I give up on being an FA?

Also, I'm surprised at the assumption that it must always be the man who drives, and the man who owns the car... surely most of you are modern independent women who own your own cars? Why can't we take your car instead?

The whole economics of being a FA thing stretches further into a lot of this... such as whether or not you can afford sturdy furniture, whether you can afford to be choosy when buying/renting a house/flat and avoid ones with stairs, small bath tubs etc.

It seems to me that the assumption that it is the man's duty to earn enough money to pay for the things that the woman needs is rather an old-fashioned view that you don't hear so much anymore.

Last edited by largenlovely; 04-27-2008 at 12:29 PM.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:26 PM   #156
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Defensive much?

What if the SSBBW is too big to fit behind a wheel? Then of course no matter how independent she is, she will not be driving.

As for furniture....it is your responsibility to at least think about it. Economics do come into play, you are right. But it does in all dating not just fat dating. A ssbbw wants a guy who doesn't have a crap sofa....and thin woman doesn't wan't some broke guy with a bus pass. More so in the US, but still. (greatly generalized statements)

Your post came off really harsh...as if we shouldn't let our ssbbw issues effect us. This just is dumb. I can't leave my issues at home. If you come pick me up for a date and I don't fit in your car, then what? I can't walk a million miles either. If I do fit into your car, and we get back to your house and I can't sit on any furniture....are you saying that's MY problem???? It is something a FA should think about...and even SAVE for it if he can't afford it up front.

I like you Matt, but your post really bothered me. Like really. It i's basically saying....I'm a big grown up girl and I should just deal with situations....well I'm beyond a size that I can just "deal"...it takes thought, time and effort by both me and my FA...who isn't rich BTW.
mmm... ok, well I'm not sure which of us came off more harsh there, but I'll ignore that ;-)

Sure, I totally agree that it is the FA's responsibility to 'at least think' about these things... much in the same way as it would be my responsibility to try to make my life as comfortable as possible for my partner whether she were a SSBBW or not.

But the point I was making was that, despite what you say, some things are simply financially impossible. I just went for a viewing on a few flats (flats = apartments in British for anyone who doesn't know... lol) for which rent is give or take 550 a month (nearly $1,100)... now, none of those flats would have been suitable for an SSBBW to live in... all were too small. Yet I really couldn't afford to spend much more than that a month on rent. So what do I do? Give up on dating SSBBW? Get a better job?

My question therefore is, can you be too poor to be a FA? Am I too poor to be an FA?

If I'm going to come pick you up on a date, perhaps you should ask me what car I drive? Then if it's too small, perhaps you should offer to drive instead? If you're too big to drive yourself then it is an issue, sure. But I don't think that it's solely the FA's responsibility to solve the issue by buying a bigger car... it's something you would have to figure out together.

I have never said that SSBBW should "leave their issues at home"... putting words in my mouth and then attacking me for them isn't something I really want to respond to ;-) As I've said, men should be considerate and understanding of SSBBW issues where possible... but where not possible (such as financial constraints), what is a FA to do? That's my point.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:37 PM   #157
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mmm... ok, well I'm not sure which of us came off more harsh there, but I'll ignore that ;-)

Sure, I totally agree that it is the FA's responsibility to 'at least think' about these things... much in the same way as it would be my responsibility to try to make my life as comfortable as possible for my partner whether she were a SSBBW or not.

But the point I was making was that, despite what you say, some things are simply financially impossible. I just went for a viewing on a few flats (flats = apartments in British for anyone who doesn't know... lol) for which rent is give or take 550 a month (nearly $1,100)... now, none of those flats would have been suitable for an SSBBW to live in... all were too small. Yet I really couldn't afford to spend much more than that a month on rent. So what do I do? Give up on dating SSBBW? Get a better job?

My question therefore is, can you be too poor to be a FA? Am I too poor to be an FA?

If I'm going to come pick you up on a date, perhaps you should ask me what car I drive? Then if it's too small, perhaps you should offer to drive instead? If you're too big to drive yourself then it is an issue, sure. But I don't think that it's solely the FA's responsibility to solve the issue by buying a bigger car... it's something you would have to figure out together.

I have never said that SSBBW should "leave their issues at home"... putting words in my mouth and then attacking me for them isn't something I really want to respond to ;-) As I've said, men should be considerate and understanding of SSBBW issues where possible... but where not possible (such as financial constraints), what is a FA to do? That's my point.
Something I will afford you, is that it is harder to be an FA in the UK. Seriously. This country wasn't built for fat people and I cannot fault you for that. Small cars are the norm and crazy small flats up 10 sets of stairs is quite common. I do not fault you for that. BUT....if you want to date and keep a SSBBW (this is if you date at the large end of ssbbw) you will need to accomadate her somewhat.

Like I said...it is different in America....lots of huge old cars hanging around. Here you never see old cars...and cars where never huge. I think most of us were being American minded when we were complaining about things....I know I was. I don't dare go to the cinema here, but there I woulda called ahead. The UK is just not built for a ssbbw and you would have to be a millionaire to make it so. It has been hard here....I've had to learn to deal with stairs...and walking further than I used to....and trying out a lot of cars before we found even one that would work. So all in all, I don't think it is your money that will keep the ssbbws away....I think it is the society in which you life.

Of course this assumes you want a ssbbw my size, lol. If you went smaller down the range then a lot of the problems wouldn't exist. And if you chose an English ssbbw she'd be used to the issues already.

I would give anything to be in America! It's so much easier to be a normal fat person...and I'm sure it is easier to be an FA.

Even though we disagree (I think) I'd still date you if I were single, lol. Even if my hip prevented you going into second gear. hehe.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:38 PM   #158
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Originally Posted by largenlovely View Post
I think you made a number of assumptions as well lol

I have a very large older car that i drive and i love, but my boyfriend lives out of state. If he didn't have a large car then i guess i would have to ride on the hood? My car wasn't overly expensive and is large..it's an older car but it's in very good shape. I may pay a tad more for gas, but it's not like i'm forking it over hand over fist just because it's a bit larger.

There are special needs that just *are* when dating an ssbbw...it comes with the territory. The needs don't solely rest on the shoulders of whatever man happens to be dating said ssbbw, but they are needs that must be accommodated. I have to have a tub..an apartment without stairs absolutely. We need sturdier furniture yes. Now...that being said, i have always paid my share of the bills. I don't believe i suggested anything otherwise. I know my point was that we have to have these things and that men should be aware of that. We are more expensive yes...but as Dumbassbunny has shown, there are ways to do things to cut corners. I know a friend who had someone she knew make a bed frame for her that would hold her.

Though, there are also a lot of ssbbw's who do have a hard time finding jobs. There is a lot of discrimination out there. So that should be taken into account. There are a lot of things to think about when dating ssbbw's and i dunno...if ya can't stand the heat, maybe ya gotta get out of the kitchen
lol... alright Well that's fine, I have no problem with an SSBBW & FA working together as a team to solve these problems. Sharing the financial burden where necessary... great. Figuring out ways together to cut corners to solve the financial problems... great.

I guess I'm just a little concerned where you said that if a guy drives a smaller car he's clearly not serious about being a FA. It is very possible that said guy would love to drive a bigger car but simply couldn't afford it... and suggesting that he therefore isn't a real FA could be a little hurtful.

By the way, I have a mid-sized car that is very roomy so I'm not talking about myself here... lol... just a hypothetical small car owning FA.

I think really, these things need to be dealt with on a case by case basis. Knowing you, I very much doubt you would say to an FA "oh my god! I can't believe you drive that and you want to date me!" lol. I imagine you would find a way to tactfully approach letting him know your concerns.

I just wouldn't want small car owning FAs to be crying into their pillows tonight!
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:42 PM   #159
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I also added "in a comical sort of way" and that it was a good indicator, definitely not a perfect indicator Also yes, as bigbellyssbbw mentioned, i didn't take into account the living situations in the UK...that's totally out of my element

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lol... alright I guess I'm just a little concerned where you said that if a guy drives a smaller car he's clearly not serious about being a FA. It is very possible that said guy would love to drive a bigger car but simply couldn't afford it... and suggesting that he therefore isn't a real FA could be a little hurtful.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:48 PM   #160
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Something I will afford you, is that it is harder to be an FA in the UK. Seriously. This country wasn't built for fat people and I cannot fault you for that. Small cars are the norm and crazy small flats up 10 sets of stairs is quite common. I do not fault you for that. BUT....if you want to date and keep a SSBBW (this is if you date at the large end of ssbbw) you will need to accomadate her somewhat.

Like I said...it is different in America....lots of huge old cars hanging around. Here you never see old cars...and cars where never huge. I think most of us were being American minded when we were complaining about things....I know I was. I don't dare go to the cinema here, but there I woulda called ahead. The UK is just not built for a ssbbw and you would have to be a millionaire to make it so. It has been hard here....I've had to learn to deal with stairs...and walking further than I used to....and trying out a lot of cars before we found even one that would work. So all in all, I don't think it is your money that will keep the ssbbws away....I think it is the society in which you life.

Of course this assumes you want a ssbbw my size, lol. If you went smaller down the range then a lot of the problems wouldn't exist. And if you chose an English ssbbw she'd be used to the issues already.

I would give anything to be in America! It's so much easier to be a normal fat person...and I'm sure it is easier to be an FA.

Even though we disagree (I think) I'd still date you if I were single, lol. Even if my hip prevented you going into second gear. hehe.
Very true... being in the UK certainly exacerbates these things. Although, as a side note... you should see if there's a Vue cinema near you, most of the Vue cinemas I've been to have arms that raise in the seating. Despite how I may have inadvertently come across, I have done my fair share of calling ahead to cinemas to make sure that the seating would be ok for the SSBBW I'm about to take there

I guess, as I've said, my only issue is if the attitude is "my size causes me this problem... now, FA, it's your responsibility to fix it." If the attitude instead is "my size causes me this problem, I need you to be aware of it and I would like us to try to work together in solving it" then I'm in full support!

And, I'd date you too if your husband wouldn't kick my ass for doing so... plus, he's handy to keep on side if I need a lift back from BGP!
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:49 PM   #161
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I've said this before and I'll say it again. When I met Wayne he was broke. Lived in a rented room, had a broke down Ford Escort - which blew up a week after we met. So the first 6 months we dated he had no car. He had no furniture. He had a bed in the room he rented - that was all. All his spare time was with his 2 kids from his first marriage and he was still married to his second wife. He worked 3 jobs. I only saw him on Saturday nights. He would not have been on anyones list of elligable bachelors. But 16 years later we built a life together. We have 2 cars, a house a fuzzy family. And I am running my own business. And Wayne works one job and makes enough money to support us.

It's not as simple as - "He has a big car and makes enough money". Or it shouldn't be - IMHO
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:50 PM   #162
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I also added "in a comical sort of way" and that it was a good indicator, definitely not a perfect indicator Also yes, as bigbellyssbbw mentioned, i didn't take into account the living situations in the UK...that's totally out of my element
lol... yes, sorry, I perhaps took it all a bit seriously. I just think that it's always best if a SSBBW and FA work together on these things... rather than it being a FA's job to solely make these things work.

Anyway, sorry if I caused any offense... group hug people!
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:54 PM   #163
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I've said this before and I'll say it again. When I met Wayne he was broke. Lived in a rented room, had a broke down Ford Escort - which blew up a week after we met. So the first 6 months we dated he had no car. He had no furniture. He had a bed in the room he rented - that was all. All his spare time was with his 2 kids from his first marriage and he was still married to his second wife. He worked 3 jobs. I only saw him on Saturday nights. He would not have been on anyones list of elligable bachelors. But 16 years later we built a life together. We have 2 cars, a house a fuzzy family. And I am running my own business. And Wayne works one job and makes enough money to support us.

It's not as simple as - "He has a big car and makes enough money". Or it shouldn't be - IMHO
That's such a lovely happy ending. Yes, I think you've put this way way better than I have... lol. Perhaps I'm a naive romantic, but I think that love, communication and perseverance are more important than what kind of car he drives, or how big his house is etc. Those material obstacles can be overcome if you care enough about each other to make it work.

So... I'm in full agreement!
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:58 PM   #164
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Originally Posted by loggamatt View Post
That's such a lovely happy ending. Yes, I think you've put this way way better than I have... lol. Perhaps I'm a naive romantic, but I think that love, communication and perseverance are more important than what kind of car he drives, or how big his house is etc. Those material obstacles can be overcome if you care enough about each other to make it work.

So... I'm in full agreement!

Can I just say my point of reference is skewed. Mike imported me. I had nothing. He had to have the money to support us. He had to have a car that could transport me....there was nothing I could do or say to help that...it HAD to be. He had to find a place for us to live before I came over and he just had to keep in mind my needs as a ssbbw. So for me it was about the money, the car and the house. Of course I was well in love with him before that...but it woulda meant us being apart a lot longer if he didn't sort it all out for us. It's not because he's the man...it's because he moved me into his space that I knew nothing about.
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Old 04-27-2008, 12:59 PM   #165
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I don't think it's solely the responsibility of the FA to support all the needs of an SSBBW. I sure hope that this thread hasn't been coming across that way....

Bruce is still living at home with his folks. I was living in Atlanta on my own but decided to move back to Mobile with my family to try to help save money for us to find a place to live together. Sacrifices must be made..on both sides.

My whole point in this thread was that there are certain realities that men need to consider when dating a much larger woman. As bigbellyssbbw mentioned, these issues diminish depending on the size of the woman. But the realities of the needs of a much larger woman must be taken into account and i think there are some men who haven't considered some of these things.

I definitely agree that two people should work together. If i were to suggest otherwise i'd be a complete hypocrit. I mean, if an ssbbw is single then she has to figure out all these things on her own. But...if she is in a relationship the partner takes on their own share in helping fulfill these needs as well, and vice versa

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Originally Posted by Sandie_Zitkus View Post
I've said this before and I'll say it again. When I met Wayne he was broke. Lived in a rented room, had a broke down Ford Escort - which blew up a week after we met. It's not as simple as - "He has a big car and makes enough money". Or it shouldn't be - IMHO

Last edited by largenlovely; 04-27-2008 at 01:20 PM. Reason: spelling error...yes i'm that anal lol
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:00 PM   #166
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Wow. Terrific thread.

As a FA I think The Reality of Dating [or being married to] a SSBBW is more an art than a science. In other words, one size doesn't fit all. It's a learning process, even for someone like me who's been married to the love of his life for many years.

I still have my share of Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. For our anniversary a few years ago I was all excited about this room I'd booked at a very quaint out of the way bed and breakfast. The room had a private bathroom with a claw foot bathtub that I had dreams of us sharing together. I know, I know, but it just LOOKED bigger in the photos. But we compromised. She stayed in the tub while I did the cabana boy routine and we both had a great time. It's been mentioned here in a previous post but I have to agree; I love to shave her legs and, Holy Cow, painting her toenails is such an intimate, romantic experience.

And yes, she snores. And yes, she doesn't walk as fast as I can but she's 5-2 and I'm 6-2 so I learned long ago that I had to slow my pace considerably for her. But then, I don't always pick up my underwear or clean up the sink when I'm through in the bathroom. And it drives her crazy when I'm not as punctual as she is -- which is just about always. Any relationship is a dance and it takes time before you learn the steps and quit stepping on each other's toes.

One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.

What it comes down to is, I don't think we (FAs) can have one without the other. If you love your gal's big rear end -- and I'm absolutly crazy about my wife's caboose -- then it goes without saying that you should love her enough to help her when she needs it. It's part of the relationship dance, or part of The Reality of [being with] a SSBBW.

Just my two cents.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:04 PM   #167
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beautifully said

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Originally Posted by Falcon View Post
Wow. Terrific thread.

As a FA I think The Reality of Dating [or being married to] a SSBBW is more an art than a science. In other words, one size doesn't fit all. It's a learning process, even for someone like me who's been married to the love of his life for many years.

I still have my share of Homer Simpson "Doh!" moments. For our anniversary a few years ago I was all excited about this room I'd booked at a very quaint out of the way bed and breakfast. The room had a private bathroom with a claw foot bathtub that I had dreams of us sharing together. I know, I know, but it just LOOKED bigger in the photos. But we compromised. She stayed in the tub while I did the cabana boy routine and we both had a great time. It's been mentioned here in a previous post but I have to agree; I love to shave her legs and, Holy Cow, painting her toenails is such an intimate, romantic experience.

And yes, she snores. And yes, she doesn't walk as fast as I can but she's 5-2 and I'm 6-2 so I learned long ago that I had to slow my pace considerably for her. But then, I don't always pick up my underwear or clean up the sink when I'm through in the bathroom. And it drives her crazy when I'm not as punctual as she is -- which is just about always. Any relationship is a dance and it takes time before you learn the steps and quit stepping on each other's toes.

One thing I do that I haven't heard mentioned here concerns helping her during bad weather. For instance, if we're going out to eat I know it's not enough to just let her out by the front door while I find a parking spot. If it's raining I'll stop by the restaurant door, put it in park, grab an umbrella and go around to her side of the car and walk her inside. She could get soaked in the time it takes her to walk inside. If it's snowing or icy it goes without saying that a gentleman should see that the lady makes it safely inside.

What it comes down to is, I don't think we (FAs) can have one without the other. If you love your gal's big rear end -- and I'm absolutly crazy about my wife's caboose -- then it goes without saying that you should love her enough to help her when she needs it. It's part of the relationship dance, or part of The Reality of [being with] a SSBBW.

Just my two cents.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:05 PM   #168
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Wow. Terrific thread.

As a FA I think The Reality of Dating [or being married to] a SSBBW is more an art than a science.
I knew that I got a B.A. for a reason.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:05 PM   #169
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beautifully said

Wasn't it just perfect?
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:05 PM   #170
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Can I just say my point of reference is skewed. Mike imported me. I had nothing. He had to have the money to support us. He had to have a car that could transport me....there was nothing I could do or say to help that...it HAD to be. He had to find a place for us to live before I came over and he just had to keep in mind my needs as a ssbbw. So for me it was about the money, the car and the house. Of course I was well in love with him before that...but it woulda meant us being apart a lot longer if he didn't sort it all out for us. It's not because he's the man...it's because he moved me into his space that I knew nothing about.
Of course... yours is an unusual situation. But my question would be this, would you have thought any less of Mike as an FA or as a person if he simply wasn't able to afford the right house/car/etc. to enable you to come over, and for that reason your relationship didn't work out?

If an FA is able to afford a SSBBW-friendly car then that's great... but I don't think it makes him any less of an FA if he can't. If when you were planning to move out here, Mike eventually said "you know what, I'm really sorry, but I just can't afford to get a house that you will be able to live in comfortably" I don't think that would be made Mike less of a FA. But, also, I don't think that would have been your fault for having those SSBBW issues either. Some of us are big, some of us are poor, we each have our obstacles to overcome.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:07 PM   #171
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Of course your situation is different sweetie. Moving to a different country makes everything different. I just felt like no man should ever feel that he doesn't make enough money to support or date the kind of woman he desires.

I would hate to think some of the things said by BBW's here on Dimensions would made a man feel that. When Wayne and I moved in together - I had the deposit for the apartment, but he supported us until I got a job. When my back became too painful for me to work he supported me - gladly. It's what couples do. We lived with nothing and no money for a LONG time - he was paying child suport. It was really hard but now - it was worth every tear.

I'm off on a tangent - sorry! LOL


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Can I just say my point of reference is skewed. Mike imported me. I had nothing. He had to have the money to support us. He had to have a car that could transport me....there was nothing I could do or say to help that...it HAD to be. He had to find a place for us to live before I came over and he just had to keep in mind my needs as a ssbbw. So for me it was about the money, the car and the house. Of course I was well in love with him before that...but it woulda meant us being apart a lot longer if he didn't sort it all out for us. It's not because he's the man...it's because he moved me into his space that I knew nothing about.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:08 PM   #172
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I can understand economics can be tough...but we fat girls can be expensive. i mean, we require large meals, sometimes two seats on a plane, a car that we can fit in..and things of that nature...not sure that there can really be a compromise. I mean, if my man had to choose between a nicer small car and a larger clunker i'd be perfectly fine with the clunker....i dunno...it's quite the conundrum
Tell me about it! In high school I dated a girl who was around 400-425, and it was hard for us, because I only had a crappy after school job, and she couldn't really work because of her size. We didn't really have the money to do much stuff, so meals were usually it, and it was really expensive just taking care of that. My car wasn't a small car, but her tummy still could touch the dash board. We didn't ever go on any extended trips, or try to fly, because we didn't have the money for her extra tickets.

It was a strain definately, but as a true FA, I enjoyed every minute of it. But you're right, I think most FAs don't know what they're getting themselves into. Conundrum indeed....

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Old 04-27-2008, 01:10 PM   #173
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Of course... yours is an unusual situation. But my question would be this, would you have thought any less of Mike as an FA or as a person if he simply wasn't able to afford the right house/car/etc. to enable you to come over, and for that reason your relationship didn't work out?

If an FA is able to afford a SSBBW-friendly car then that's great... but I don't think it makes him any less of an FA if he can't. If when you were planning to move out here, Mike eventually said "you know what, I'm really sorry, but I just can't afford to get a house that you will be able to live in comfortably" I don't think that would be made Mike less of a FA. But, also, I don't think that would have been your fault for having those SSBBW issues either. Some of us are big, some of us are poor, we each have our obstacles to overcome.
But if he got involved with me, knowing me needs and issues, and then dumped me because of them....I would think he was less of a man. bigger cars aren't that much more expensive. Mike got a late 90s Honda Accord when I fist moved out here....they are a lot bigger than most cars and are still econmical.

I think if the guy gets into a relationship, knowing the issues that could come up in the future and decides later on that it can't be done...yeah that's harsh...very harsh. I would be in bits and would probably never trust another guy to accept my issues. But that's just me....I'm sure other bbws would be accepting....I get hurt easy.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:12 PM   #174
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yeah, to echo Melissa, this thread to me hasn't been about what you guys all HAVE TO DO as much as what you should know about being with really big girls. There are things to think about, to consider, that you need to know.

Hell, my airport thing was pretty much "you need to stay out of my way" not you need to carry my ass to and fro - it's teamwork, and you need to realize that because we're often the more challenged in time/space/stamina, etc... then often your cues will have to come from us about what will work and what may not or may need to be revamped.

Does it sometimes suck? Yeah. Do we sometimes/always hate saying when we know it's just not going to work out? Yeah, we do. We want nothing more than to do everything you want to do... but sometimes if we don't use a different method of getting to it, or doing it, then we can't... and it's a reality of dating us.

And like Donni and Melissa mentioned, it's as individual as the girl and sometimes even the day of the week. Communication - that's the key. Be aware, be willing, be there .... that's all we're getting at.
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Old 04-27-2008, 01:14 PM   #175
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that was exactly my thought as well...which is why i think this thread is so important. Men need to be aware of these things before making a decision to be involved with a much larger woman. These are realities we face every day. If a man isn't committed to helping find ways to work through them... i mean, what can ya say to that.


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But if he got involved with me, knowing me needs and issues, and then dumped me because of them....

I think if the guy gets into a relationship, knowing the issues that could come up in the future and decides later on that it can't be done...yeah that's harsh...very harsh.
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