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Old 05-08-2008, 05:34 AM   #51
Ruby Ripples
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
oh lmao !! seriously.. the pub debate is totally heating up!!
some heroine "chique" looking girl in a shell suit is shouting at this wee man "ive been doon the fuckin brew"! and he is all drunk and shouting too...
ahhh glasgow.. i really should work on the scottish tourist board! lmao..
erm,.what i really mean is that i am looking out my window onto lochness where nessie is eating a haggis and there is a wee man playing bagpipes.. etc etc
xmer
That's no heroin chic girl, thats my pal Rhona! I had lunch in the Clyde Valley about two years ago and was so sick afterwards that I've never been back!
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Old 05-08-2008, 05:43 AM   #52
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if i may i would like to play devils advocate..and i'll tell you my truths, as i see them in my 29 years (nearly 30) on this planet.

The only people i have met who dont like fat women are fat women themselves.
I'm not talking about "fat acceptance" in society i.e whether an employer would favour a thin person over a fat person..etc.. i'm talking about everyday scenarios and body acceptance..
ok.. every EVERY (i said it twice to accentuate the fact) fat woman i know..doesnt like thier bodies!! (some have a feeling of slight acceptance but WANT to be thinner).
i'm not talking about the enlightened few that i have chatted to over the years on-line (some have said they loved thier bodies..but as i got to know them said that ACTUALLY they would prefer to loose weight)

but this brings me to my point..(i dont want to rant for a thousand words because i will bore myself)..
The only people that i have ever heard fat hating comments from have been fat themselves..
i have a few friends who are "f'a" or who have no preference but love fat women too..and of course have nothing but great things to say about thier experiences with big women/men (i know some chubby chasing bears too).

but ..some of the comments i have heard from big women have been:
"i hate my body"

Generalizing using words like "I hate my body" is too easy. Most of us may not like certain aspects of our body, but other aspects we are very proud of. For example, I do not care for the "fat wings" under my forearms, but I am proud of the strength in my forearms and my ability of win at arm wrestling most folks that I challenge.

Another example, I really don't like the way my hair is thinning on top (just like my grandmother's did), but I am proud of the clear skin, freckles, and auburn hair she gave me. My father's family passed on a genetic tendency towards heart disease too, but instead of hating them, I thank them for raising my father to be kind and loving towards his children even tho he was fat, loved to eat, and was a good cook. The emotions of what I don't like are just too tied up with what I do like. It is extremely difficult to separate the two and even harder to separate all the degrees in between.



"my god, she shouldnt be wearing that, when she is that size"


I think this statement could be equally applied to women who are not fat if you change the word "size" to "old".


sad to say..but the list goes on and on..

and frankly as an FA i am sick and tired of it..
to be honest i am tired of constantly reasuring people of how beautiful/attractive they are.

Everyone needs to hear kind words and compliments about how they look, how they behave, how they complete tasks, etc. - it's called "positive rewards" and for many of us, praise is just as valuable as food or money.

i am sick of being constantly probed and questioned as to "why i find thier bodies attractive"
i am anoyed beyond utter belief at the fact that the only people who have said i was "fucked up" or words to that affect when i say i like big women were big women themselves!!! (well except my mum.. but thats another funny story).
anyway..men love curves! its evolution.. and in my case i love curves.
i'm not sure how that fits into to evolutionary psychology of things ...but i do..
women are thier own worst enemies at times..
and i think that the world would be a fat happier place were it not for that fact.
you can rant on about society and social conformity..
but nothing can be changed by just sitting still..
but you see..its deeper that that...with fat acceptance its not just that fat people are standing back letting bigotry happen..
they are actually adding to it.. to the negativity..

and you know what..i will fight in every corner.

its like if martin luther king had been white ..fighting for the civil liberties of black people and black people had been self deprocating and didnt care about the rights or the beauty of other black people..

its like if germain greer was a man and fought for womens rights but the women just stood back muttering that infact men were better !!

i know that here ..obviously is a slightly more "enlightened" space for fat people.. but it seems that the reality is VERY different..
especially in scotland..where "fat" is a dirty word..which has not been reclaimed as something positive.

it just seems like a loosing battle sometimes.. and FA's can do thier bit.. but its really sad that big women/men are sometimes so disparaging of NOT only themselves but of other fat people..

fatism is the last bastian of bigotory ..
and its NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE!
as i tell my fat friends as they put down other fat people!

I think you're wrong here - anytime women (or teenagers) get together, we are probably going to talk about someone (man, or woman). It doesn't matter if they're fat, old, stoopid, green, or martian. We just usually talk about whoever is not present at the time. However, I do try to keep my part of the conversation to things that I would say to a person's face.


ok ..rant over..i'm off to get drunk and write some songs with my bi-fatual friend!..

xmer
..............
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Old 05-08-2008, 07:36 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by Ruby Ripples View Post
That's no heroin chic girl, thats my pal Rhona! I had lunch in the Clyde Valley about two years ago and was so sick afterwards that I've never been back!
hahaha..i'll tell rhona hello! oh maaahhn you actually ate the food there?? poor you!
i was in there ages ago and they had a buffett type thing over the pool table.. and i felt ill just looking at it!!
though i ended up there a few months ago and met a guy who was a "pretend fireman"!!!
which i though was very cool.. he said he would pick me up in his fire truck the next day to go for a spin ..which i though was a BRILLIANT idea after many drinks..
the next day i hear a toot toot and my mobile goes and there is this guy in a fire truck !! hahahaha..
it wasnt as good an idea the next day hungover to get into a strange mans firetruck!!! lmao

xmer
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Old 05-08-2008, 07:50 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by moore2me View Post
..............
erm ..i dont know how to single out quotes ..so this might be confusing..
as for the first two comments... these are things that i have ACTUALLY heard people say.. not me generalising..
secondly..i ALWAYS compliment people..i think i was on a wee bit of a rant..and i really didnt word it all that well.. i ment that i didnt like having to pick up the pieces of the negativity of others..which totally extends to "conforming" socially because of the barrage of size negative things in magazines, tv etc..
i tell my partner how beautiful and sexy and amazing they are every single day ..probably about a hundred times more than they tell me!! lmao,, but its ok cause i freakin love myself!
erm..i dont really get what you said here:

"I thank them for raising my father to be kind and loving towards his children even tho he was fat, loved to eat, and was a good cook. The emotions of what I don't like are just too tied up with what I do like. It is extremely difficult to separate the two and even harder to separate all the degrees in between."

i dont get the "even tho he was fat" bit..but i'm not going to be pedantic about it..i'm sure you mean that in a positive way..
when you talk about the emotions of what you do and what you dont like, are you talking about your body? and that you love the way you look because it is because of your genetics but that there are still some things you dislike about your body??

sorry it was kinna unclear and i am daft.. but i really like to know how people are feeling without any misunderstandings...

xxmer
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Old 05-08-2008, 07:54 AM   #55
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i gotta agree...i like her that way hehe
oh mwah mwah mwah mellisa..!! you just think that cause your freakin nuts yerself!! haha.. what with your hamarama and piggly wigglies and the like!! hahaha you crack me up missus!
oh! i learned how to give kutos ?? cooties?? so expect yours in the post soon!! whoot!
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Old 05-08-2008, 09:31 AM   #56
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erm kudos..
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Old 05-08-2008, 09:39 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
if i may i would like to play devils advocate..and i'll tell you my truths, as i see them in my 29 years (nearly 30) on this planet.

The only people i have met who dont like fat women are fat women themselves.
I'm not talking about "fat acceptance" in society i.e whether an employer would favour a thin person over a fat person..etc.. i'm talking about everyday scenarios and body acceptance..
ok.. every EVERY (i said it twice to accentuate the fact) fat woman i know..doesnt like thier bodies!! (some have a feeling of slight acceptance but WANT to be thinner).
i'm not talking about the enlightened few that i have chatted to over the years on-line (some have said they loved thier bodies..but as i got to know them said that ACTUALLY they would prefer to loose weight)

but this brings me to my point..(i dont want to rant for a thousand words because i will bore myself)..
The only people that i have ever heard fat hating comments from have been fat themselves..
i have a few friends who are "f'a" or who have no preference but love fat women too..and of course have nothing but great things to say about thier experiences with big women/men (i know some chubby chasing bears too).

but ..some of the comments i have heard from big women have been:
"i hate my body"
"how can you find THIS attractive" (talking about thier body).
"my breasts are grotesque"
"my god, she shouldnt be wearing that, when she is that size"

sad to say..but the list goes on and on..

and frankly as an FA i am sick and tired of it..
to be honest i am tired of constantly reasuring people of how beautiful/attractive they are.
i am sick of being constantly probed and questioned as to "why i find thier bodies attractive"
i am anoyed beyond utter belief at the fact that the only people who have said i was "fucked up" or words to that affect when i say i like big women were big women themselves!!! (well except my mum.. but thats another funny story).
anyway..men love curves! its evolution.. and in my case i love curves.
i'm not sure how that fits into to evolutionary psychology of things ...but i do..
women are thier own worst enemies at times..
and i think that the world would be a fat happier place were it not for that fact.
you can rant on about society and social conformity..
but nothing can be changed by just sitting still..
but you see..its deeper that that...with fat acceptance its not just that fat people are standing back letting bigotry happen..
they are actually adding to it.. to the negativity..

and you know what..i will fight in every corner.

its like if martin luther king had been white ..fighting for the civil liberties of black people and black people had been self deprocating and didnt care about the rights or the beauty of other black people..

its like if germain greer was a man and fought for womens rights but the women just stood back muttering that infact men were better !!

i know that here ..obviously is a slightly more "enlightened" space for fat people.. but it seems that the reality is VERY different..
especially in scotland..where "fat" is a dirty word..which has not been reclaimed as something positive.

it just seems like a loosing battle sometimes.. and FA's can do thier bit.. but its really sad that big women/men are sometimes so disparaging of NOT only themselves but of other fat people..

fatism is the last bastian of bigotory ..
and its NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE!
as i tell my fat friends as they put down other fat people!

ok ..rant over..i'm off to get drunk and write some songs with my bi-fatual friend!..

xmer
the only people?

oh, "i have met."

i mean, i've never met a Klansman so that racism myth's a little blown out of proportion, amirite?
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Old 05-08-2008, 09:49 AM   #58
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the only people?

oh, "i have met."

i mean, i've never met a Klansman so that racism myth's a little blown out of proportion, amirite?
stop being a silly billy..
yes.. i am talking about personal experience!! i think i explained this more than enough now.. yes yes.. i AM aware that fat hatred exists outwith the fat community..of course..
blah blah repeat repeat...
and your similie is shit by the way and not relivent at all!!
i'm talking black klansmen!!
boo to you pee po
xxxxlove you xxx mer
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Old 05-08-2008, 10:32 AM   #59
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Everyone needs to hear kind words and compliments about how they look, how they behave, how they complete tasks, etc. - it's called "positive rewards" and for many of us, praise is just as valuable as food or money.
A good part of this community is being able to come in here after a shitty day and know somebody will boost you up. If you mergirl are sick of.... well, dont participate, but I will, because I know a friendly comment can change the whole way a person is feeling.

I have to say, I went to look at your profile to see your age, as you come across as a arrogant teenager, shocked to see its 29. Your blah blah doesn't help argue a point or help people understand your point of view, which I would have hoped you would want? To instigate a discussion then denouce replies as blah blahs.... well, thats not discussing.
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Old 05-08-2008, 10:38 AM   #60
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A good part of this community is being able to come in here after a shitty day and know somebody will boost you up. If you mergirl are sick of.... well, dont participate, but I will, because I know a friendly comment can change the whole way a person is feeling.

I have to say, I went to look at your profile to see your age, as you come across as a arrogant teenager, shocked to see its 29. Your blah blah doesn't help argue a point or help people understand your point of view, which I would have hoped you would want? To instigate a discussion then denouce replies as blah blahs.... well, thats not discussing.
yes .. it was just a joke!
The blah blah's were because i have had to go over the same point about 5 times in this one post.
i think people have just read the opening post and replied.
i am all about positive re enforcement.. and will build anyone up if they are feeling shitty or sad..
not sure you are of the same ilk though as "arrogant teenager" is hardly a compliment! lmao.. but then you really dont know me...so it worries me not what you think..

xmer
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Old 05-08-2008, 10:40 AM   #61
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you are obviously having loads of fun stirring people up, so I dont feel the need to praise you for that no...
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Old 05-08-2008, 10:48 AM   #62
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you are obviously having loads of fun stirring people up, so I dont feel the need to praise you for that no...
i wasnt trying to stir people up. i was sharing my oppinion.. and if people want to give me a hard time for that then i'm not going to shrink away in a corner and take it!
i have never personally attacked you! you say i sound like an arogant teenager and then looked at my profile.. well i looked at yours you dont say your age but collecting my little ponies makes you sound younger than my "teenager"!! lmao.. unless you are a furry of course.. which i suspect you are!

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Old 05-08-2008, 10:55 AM   #63
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Your suspicious are totally groundless and incorrect, you have a sexual preferance outside the norm... going to start ragging on everything else outside that now? And another case on point of needing to grow up... OMGEEE I TINK SHE TEH FURRY...

Is causing people to argue with you fun? It seems you feel that way. You started an obviously inflammatory post, you dont have to sit back and take anything, but why start unless all you wanted was an argument and to put aside the actual discussion?
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Old 05-08-2008, 11:09 AM   #64
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Your suspicious are totally groundless and incorrect, you have a sexual preferance outside the norm... going to start ragging on everything else outside that now? And another case on point of needing to grow up... OMGEEE I TINK SHE TEH FURRY...

Is causing people to argue with you fun? It seems you feel that way. You started an obviously inflammatory post, you dont have to sit back and take anything, but why start unless all you wanted was an argument and to put aside the actual discussion?
hu? that was a joke! about my little ponies.. but i think you doth protest too much! seriously it was a joke!! jeeze.. i wouldnt rag on anyone for thier sexual preference.. i know a whole load of people who have all sorts of sexualities.. whats wrong with furries that you got so anoyed because i said you were one? its like homophobes who get angry when people think they are gay!
this post WASNT ment to be inflamatory! really.. it was a topic and observation i though was interesting..
now you are telling me to "grow up"! lol..
seriously.. come now..
maby the title of my post on retrospect could have been worded more articulatly.. but i think the eccence of what i was saying was real and correct to me. i was sharing my real life experiences ... i think its sad that big women can be disparaging of other big women but i understand the reasons, implications and psychology behind this..
really.. i wanted to hear about other peoples experiences.. and thoughts ..i didnt want to make anyone angry.. and if you read the rest of the posts i think that will be better explained...
lol..really i wasnt making any "accusations" about your sexuality... it was just a joke..
hmm..

xmer
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Old 05-08-2008, 11:17 AM   #65
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Nothing is wrong, which is why I was annoyed at you using it as an insult. Hence the need to grow up about it because I dont feel this board is a place where anybody has the right to use different forms of sexual interests as a form of insult.

If you want a serious discussion, then respond a little more seriously. Its nigh on impossible to tell with your posts wether you are being a total bitch or a half hearted joke... your comments had bothered me, so I took it as being a bitch. The lols and lmaos seem so sarcastic, but having spent years living in Ayr I know the sarcastic caustic sense of 'humour' prevalent there... maybe they are not.

You could have worded things better, and been taken more seriously, perhaps brought up a discussion worth having about self image. But I know I am not alone in wondering WTF you are going on about and why it needs to be said in such stirring ways. And dismissing with discussion doesnt lend to people wanting to share genuine points.
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Old 05-08-2008, 11:28 AM   #66
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Nothing is wrong, which is why I was annoyed at you using it as an insult. Hence the need to grow up about it because I dont feel this board is a place where anybody has the right to use different forms of sexual interests as a form of insult.

If you want a serious discussion, then respond a little more seriously. Its nigh on impossible to tell with your posts wether you are being a total bitch or a half hearted joke... your comments had bothered me, so I took it as being a bitch. The lols and lmaos seem so sarcastic, but having spent years living in Ayr I know the sarcastic caustic sense of 'humour' prevalent there... maybe they are not.

You could have worded things better, and been taken more seriously, perhaps brought up a discussion worth having about self image. But I know I am not alone in wondering WTF you are going on about and why it needs to be said in such stirring ways. And dismissing with discussion doesnt lend to people wanting to share genuine points.
oh cool! my girlfriend lives in ayr.. maby thats why i seem to have an air of sarcasm about me! lol
you are right.. i could have/should have worded things a whole lot better.. i was venting.. and all my points got overshadowed my being not very eloquent at all..
probs the reason i have had to try to explain myself properly in subsequent posts!
i have totally taken on board what you have said.. and again.. i really didnt want to cause offence.. i really DO need to think through what i write before i write it!
i forget that people dont know me here... and the people i do know.. KNOW that i ramble a whole lot of crap that is in my head!
i really wasnt trying to insult you by saying i suspected you were a furry! it was another case of my humour being misinterprated!
i really do appreciate genuine thoughts and feelings on the matter..
i have learned my lesson,, that my humour doesnt really translate online AT ALL!
i'm really not a bitchy person.. i just have a very dry sense of humour..
i'm sorry..

xmer
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Old 05-08-2008, 11:47 AM   #67
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Its cool, apology accepted and appreciated.

And glad you can take it on board even though I did get pissy about it as well, I think about it more and I would have had decent comments to bring up about my personal self image and such, but it really was overshadowed by being irritated, which is a shame, because it is a discussion point worth discussing.

In general sarcasm works... well doesnt work for toffee online, so I do apprecaite the apology and explaining you where not out to upset or offend with it. I know I often take the time before clicking post to read back over what stuff I wrote and see how things can be mistaken or are flat out nonsense.
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Old 05-08-2008, 12:20 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by Pookie View Post
Its cool, apology accepted and appreciated.

And glad you can take it on board even though I did get pissy about it as well, I think about it more and I would have had decent comments to bring up about my personal self image and such, but it really was overshadowed by being irritated, which is a shame, because it is a discussion point worth discussing.

In general sarcasm works... well doesnt work for toffee online, so I do apprecaite the apology and explaining you where not out to upset or offend with it. I know I often take the time before clicking post to read back over what stuff I wrote and see how things can be mistaken or are flat out nonsense.
god..i REALLY need to re read before i post! i really will in future!
maby i should start a new thread..which doesnt make me sound like a complete wanky idiot, because i do think its a valid issue too.. which i totally ruined by blustering in and going off on a stupid rant!
i actually cringed when i read it back because so many of the things i said i realise could be SO misenterprated! gah!
thanks for giving me a second chance.. if i hadnt used up all my rep points for today i would have given you one for being such an understanding furry!! lmao..(is it too soon?)
love and light xxmer
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Old 05-08-2008, 12:20 PM   #69
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Mer my Grandfather came from Ayr. He was the police Chief there before immigrating to Canada to be Deputy Warden at our Pennetentary. I was a Wyllie before I got married.
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Old 05-08-2008, 12:29 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by Ruffie View Post
Mer my Grandfather came from Ayr. He was the police Chief there before immigrating to Canada to be Deputy Warden at our Pennetentary. I was a Wyllie before I got married.
Ruth
oh cool! its a small world and all that!! wyllie! such a scottish name! lol
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Old 05-20-2008, 04:59 PM   #71
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I don't think a lot of people meant to take your OP as offensive, mer, but were dumbfounded at the fact that personal experiences differ so much from their own. I'm sure everyone knows that you didn't mean ONLY fat women hate other fat women, but I can only gather that every single fat woman in this thread can list at least a dozen instances in their life that they've been confronted by people who are absolutely disgusted by fat people and are not afraid to show it.

It just came off as a bit naive (no offense intended). I could almost hear a collective "are you KIDDING me?" from the board as I was reading your first post. It wasn't quite like the KKK example posted earlier in this thread, but it was more like an upper class white girl from Vermont saying that racism doesn't exist in the US any more because she hasn't heard someone say "nigger" (excuse my french) other than other black people. If you could imagine how ridiculous a black person from...say...Texas would think that statement was, it's kind of how I, personally, felt reading your OP. I don't think I'm alone. I wasn't offended, just thinking "are you kidding me? Do you go outside? Have you ever been fat?"

I have had people SCREAM derogatory remarks at me out of car windows as I was simply walking down the sidewalk. I even had some kids yell "free willy!" at me as I was EXERCISING. I have been witness to DOZENS of threads on message boards that spew nothing but pure hatred for fat people with reasons WHY. I have even had a guy tell me that he instantly stopped liking me because I turned out to be fat (online blind date, even though I TOLD him I was fat). It's not a kind world out there.
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Old 05-20-2008, 07:26 PM   #72
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Mer, I'm starting to seriously think I need a scots to english dictionary to read your posts sometimes. But stil your posts are refreshing sometimes too.

My two cents:

As I read thru this thread I thought about my own body mindset evolution, which has gone something like this:

"why doesn't he like my body?"

"He likes my body???"

"How can he like my body?"

"I can't believe he likes my body."

"Wow, he actually likes my body."

"He loves my body."

"He better fucking love my body."

"If he doesn't like my body he's a fucking wank hole, and I should rip off his head and piss down his neck."

"I love my body who cares if he doesn't because somebody else will."

"I like my body."

"I love my body. Fuck you if you don't."

Mer, look at all the steps it took me to get to "I love my body," and I didn't even start with I hate my body. Are there parts of my body I would change? Sure. I have a love/hate relationship with my hair, and I wish I had prettier feet. But most people want to change something even if it's a small thing. Ya just gotta have patience with people who don't like themselves and don't give up elevating us fatties. There was a moment when it hit me that some guy thought I was beautiful and sexy and it went a long way to helping me see that about myself, and I'm grateful he was there to show me that, but he didn't use words so much as he did in the way he touched me or looked at me. I saw my beauty in his eyes - literally. ...Maybe talk less and touch more and your partners might start to believe they are actually beautiful.

Last edited by olwen; 05-20-2008 at 07:28 PM.
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:39 AM   #73
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Originally Posted by olwen View Post
Mer, I'm starting to seriously think I need a scots to english dictionary to read your posts sometimes. But stil your posts are refreshing sometimes too.

My two cents:

As I read thru this thread I thought about my own body mindset evolution, which has gone something like this:

"why doesn't he like my body?"

"He likes my body???"

"How can he like my body?"

"I can't believe he likes my body."

"Wow, he actually likes my body."

"He loves my body."

"He better fucking love my body."

"If he doesn't like my body he's a fucking wank hole, and I should rip off his head and piss down his neck."

"I love my body who cares if he doesn't because somebody else will."

"I like my body."

"I love my body. Fuck you if you don't."

Mer, look at all the steps it took me to get to "I love my body," and I didn't even start with I hate my body. Are there parts of my body I would change? Sure. I have a love/hate relationship with my hair, and I wish I had prettier feet. But most people want to change something even if it's a small thing. Ya just gotta have patience with people who don't like themselves and don't give up elevating us fatties. There was a moment when it hit me that some guy thought I was beautiful and sexy and it went a long way to helping me see that about myself, and I'm grateful he was there to show me that, but he didn't use words so much as he did in the way he touched me or looked at me. I saw my beauty in his eyes - literally. ...Maybe talk less and touch more and your partners might start to believe they are actually beautiful.
I cant keep my hands off my partner!! really ..she has to beat me off with a shitty stick!!
When i said i was tired of reasuring people.. i just ment that ..its a shame that some people are at that level of insecurity..
I worded this post really badly... but what i actually ment is that..
in my experience fat women can be really disparaging to other fat women. Self deprication is of course sad but its the second level that i dont like.. where big women start slagging off other big women..and say stuf like "why the fuck is SHE wearing that??" etc etc.. there is no point relaying the negitivity! .. It might just be a personal experience, but none of my thin friends have EVER talked about fat people that way... ONLY my fat friends! its weird...
anyway partner -me- grope- shitty stick!! lmao

xxmer
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Old 05-21-2008, 12:42 PM   #74
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Mergirl again! I LOVE YOU!!!!! i've been saying this same thing for ages but not so clearly.

in my "ordinary life i very seldom have anyone say anything or do anything negatively toward me because of my fat. if anything its helped people to remember me. its been a good tool for business etc...

i've run into the i'm proud of being a bbw but i hate my body scenario as well. along with all of the complaints about what one can't wear or what one shouldn't do because one is fat. one incident i remember clearly was when i was in vegas one year. one un-named web model was there. she is a very beautiful woman. lovely shape and all of that. but i heard the nastiest comments floating around me through the air about her. meanwhile she had the confidence to walk around amongst thin folk and got a lot of approving glances from them. she was a really good ambassador for bbws i think. but all i heard from us was " she doesn't look that good. did you see her thighs? look a all of those burst capillaries etc..."

i think a lot of the so called "confidence" here is a lot of false bravado put on to attract FAs. then later the FAs feel betrayed because they find she is not so confident and is even entertaining thoughts of WLS--and not because of health. i'm not saying WLS is a bad thing but i think that if i were an FA i would feel i had been led down the garden path. i think its okay to say that you really are torn when it comes to whether you want to be fat or thin. but, there are a lot of people who really hate being fat and present a whole other public image. i don't think its fair to make yourself and your entire life into a lie like that. its unfair to an FA and unfair to yourself. even though i don't think its a good thing to do i understand why some FAs tell the people they are with that they will leave if they lose the weight. if i had gone through a lot of the emotional flip flopping they have had to with a person i was serious about i might get a little harsh myself. i think a ton of people need to get real and try to learn to love themselves instead of honing their entire life to net a partner anyway.

also, the worst thing i have seen is how bbws treat bhms. the double standard is sickening. bhms have have a lot of issues to deal with too. but do they get any support from bbws? not much. just a whole lot of people saying how they aren't attracted to bhms. is that really necessary? no. but thats also an expression of the self hatred. it comes with a repetition of the oft heralded steretypes that people have about bbws. you can't have sex with them. they aren't handsome. they aren't really men. the very same things said about bbws coming from our own mouths. even if bhms aren't your thing , what good does it really do to say so in such a hard hearted way? maybe the old rule still applies. if you cant say something nice... also bbws complain about not having anyone to dance with or talk to at dances. why are you leaving the bhms alone at the table? even if it wouldn't be a blossoming romance why not make a friend. it might be nice to have someone of the opposite sex who shares your own physical and emotional interests. why not look to give instead of only take? i have news bhms have feelings just like we do. but i think a lot of bbws are just as ashamed of bhms as we claim people are of us. what does that say about us? maybe they can't imagine they are a thin woman if they are looking at someone else's fat.

i also get sick of hearing all of the negative talk. it doesn't mean that i don't understand where some of it is coming from or even sympathize. but, sometimes i really wish more energy was applied toward real self acceptance and not just the appearance of it in order to get a guy etc... no one is going to accept you if you can't accept yourself anyway. thank you for the opportunity to join your rant

PS: this idea that you were saying that only fat women hate other fat women--i think people knew better. as usual in order to change the focus of what is really going on they want to put it back onto thin people. i noticed that here in the forums people are very adept at turning the argument away from things they are afraid to face and deal with. nothing can ever really be up to us and under our control. we always seek to be the one who is the victim. we never want to see how, at times, we might be the biggest villans of them all.

and while i'm at it i want to say i want to lose all of the "skinny bitch" talk. it does nothing for us anyway except to make us look small weak and scared.

the acceptance movement needs to be a self acceptance movement first foremost and always

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Old 05-21-2008, 01:22 PM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
Mergirl again! I LOVE YOU!!!!! i've been saying this same thing for ages but not so clearly.

in my "ordinary life i very seldom have anyone say anything or do anything negatively toward me because of my fat. if anything its helped people to remember me. its been a good tool for business etc...

i've run into the i'm proud of being a bbw but i hate my body scenario as well. along with all of the complaints about what one can't wear or what one shouldn't do because one is fat. one incident i remember clearly was when i was in vegas one year. one un-named web model was there. she is a very beautiful woman. lovely shape and all of that. but i heard the nastiest comments floating around me through the air about her. meanwhile she had the confidence to walk around amongst thin folk and got a lot of approving glances from them. she was a really good ambassador for bbws i think. but all i heard from us was " she doesn't look that good. did you see her thighs? look a all of those burst capillaries etc..."

i think a lot of the so called "confidence" here is a lot of false bravado put on to attract FAs. then later the FAs feel betrayed because they find she is not so confident and is even entertaining thoughts of WLS--and not because of health. i'm not saying WLS is a bad thing but i think that if i were an FA i would feel i had been led down the garden path. i think its okay to say that you really are torn when it comes to whether you want to be fat or thin. but, there are a lot of people who really hate being fat and present a whole other public image. i don't think its fair to make yourself and your entire life into a lie like that. its unfair to an FA and unfair to yourself. even though i don't think its a good thing to do i understand why some FAs tell the people they are with that they will leave if they lose the weight. if i had gone through a lot of the emotional flip flopping they have had to with a person i was serious about i might get a little harsh myself. i think a ton of people need to get real and try to learn to love themselves instead of honing their entire life to net a partner anyway.

also, the worst thing i have seen is how bbws treat bhms. the double standard is sickening. bhms have have a lot of issues to deal with too. but do they get any support from bbws? not much. just a whole lot of people saying how they aren't attracted to bhms. is that really necessary? no. but thats also an expression of the self hatred. it comes with a repetition of the oft heralded steretypes that people have about bbws. you can't have sex with them. they aren't handsome. they aren't really men. the very same things said about bbws coming from our own mouths. even if bhms aren't your thing , what good does it really do to say so in such a hard hearted way? maybe the old rule still applies. if you cant say something nice... also bbws complain about not having anyone to dance with or talk to at dances. why are you leaving the bhms alone at the table? even if it wouldn't be a blossoming romance why not make a friend. it might be nice to have someone of the opposite sex who shares your own physical and emotional interests. why not look to give instead of only take? i have news bhms have feelings just like we do. but i think a lot of bbws are just as ashamed of bhms as we claim people are of us. what does that say about us? maybe they can't imagine they are a thin woman if they are looking at someone else's fat.

i also get sick of hearing all of the negative talk. it doesn't mean that i don't understand where some of it is coming from or even sympathize. but, sometimes i really wish more energy was applied toward real self acceptance and not just the appearance of it in order to get a guy etc... no one is going to accept you if you can't accept yourself anyway. thank you for the opportunity to join your rant

PS: this idea that you were saying that only fat women hate other fat women--i think people knew better. as usual in order to change the focus of what is really going on they want to put it back onto thin people. i noticed that here in the forums people are very adept at turning the argument away from things they are afraid to face and deal with. nothing can ever really be up to us and under our control. we always seek to be the one who is the victim. we never want to see how, at times, we might be the biggest villans of them all.

and while i'm at it i want to say i want to lose all of the "skinny bitch" talk. it does nothing for us anyway except to make us look small weak and scared.

the acceptance movement needs to be a self acceptance movement first foremost and always
As usual, brilliant brilliant post! I have found my fat to be a positive experience and I haven't received poor treatment because of it - this doesn't mean that there isn't discrimination...but I think the forces from within the fat community can be more damaging.

Isn't it awful how women tear each other down? And for what? I also feel like there is a sort of feeling of anger and contention among bbws and ssbbws; even from reading posts sometimes it's there blaring and it's not okay. It deepens the divide when there shouldn't be - aren't we all fat?
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