A Question to every BBW and SSBBW Who likes very skinny men ?

[NancyGirl74]

Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy

I don't think it was me Nancy....I'm not bi...though I do jest a lot with the ladies


I really am a slave to the.......errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr nevermind

Sorry, Green. I'm not that kind of bi either. I meant bi-sizeual (or however people spell it). I typed it wrong on my first post. Sorry about that....There are some women that I would go bi for though. *read Angelina Jolie*

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Oh yeah....I am definitely bi-sizual.....


How YOU doing, TCUBOB?

[SocialbFly]

"In the end, I have not had much relationship experience at all, and have only begun to see my persona more as what I would like (meaning I've 'grown up'). I like fat women, fat women will not necessarily like me, I'm fine with that (although rejection can be lonely to me just as it can be to anyone else), and the clouds keep moving."

Chimpi brought something up, and i thought it worth saying again...just cause i am a fat woman, does not mean every guy that likes fat women will find me attractive...it also means, just cause i am open to all sizes, does not mean that i will find every fat guy attractive....just goes to be said, personal taste comes in...just cause i like purple hair, doesnt mean everyone with purple hair turns me on....

sometimes i swear we forget that...

[Green Eyed Fairy]

and to add to what Di just said....I definitely don't find every thin guy attractive.
There is sooooo much more to what makes a man attractive to me that goes way beyond his weight......

[mossystate]

Sad that this stuff needs to be repeated over and over and over.

Oh, and, any fat woman admirer that does not find me attractive?...he is wrong and mean and hates fat women. Goes without saying that fat men who like thin women are mean and wrong. As for thin men who don't like fat women, well, we know THEIR agenda!! Women, whatever their size, who would not want to have tea with me, well, their taste level is in the crapper.


I know I am not including everybody, so, I will get back to you.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Oh, and I find Monique quite attractive.....even though she is fat.....not quite as fat as me, neener neener....but still she is a hottie.....I can't help it.....errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr nevermind

[mossystate]

Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy

Oh, and I find Monique quite attractive.....even though she is fat.....not quite as fat as me, neener neener....but still she is a hottie.....I can't help it.....errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr nevermind

I weigh much more than puny old you.................muuuuuuuuuuuuch.

[LoveBHMS]

Originally Posted by Jack Skellington

If you really believe that stuff you have no idea how women really think.

I support the right for women to "gush" over whatever they like. I feel a person not being attracted to me is not a slight and does not mean they are a bad person.

Bob never said people don't have the right to like who they like. And trust me, Bob knows how women think. I've been out with him and the very second my glass gets low on beer he immediately calls the waiter over, so Bob is good with women and how they think.

What he's saying is that as a fat guy, it can be challenging to see women's attitudes towards fat men within the SA community. Men are not always seeing it as a slight that women don't like them, but they can feel as if BBWs are using a thin person's attraction to them as, for lack of a better way of putting it, a social imprimatur. People both get judged by their partner and enjoy using their partner as a social boost. Fat guys may see fat women using thin partners as reassurance that they are entitled to the same "good things" that thin women are.

If a fat guy feels as if a BBW is showing off a thin boyfriend, it can reinforce his thinking that "The way I look is not something to brag about or show off."

[CleverBomb]

Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy

I don't think it was me Nancy....I'm not bi...though I do jest a lot with the ladies


I really am a slave to the.......errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr nevermind

...Rhythm, right?

-Rusty

[olwen]

I understand this thinking. Believe me I do. I was guilty of it at one time - that one skinny guy treated me badly and I let him cause he was fucking gorgeous and I could show the world that a fat girl could get the hot guy. But then one day it hit me, what he looks like is irrelevant when he acts like an ass. Who gives a fuck what he looks like?. So I've abandoned that thinking because it's useless. I've since been with a guy who was not as good looking but who treated me well. Who the person is and how they treat me are much more important than what they look like, and if I am visually attracted to a guy, it's cause it stirs my loins, not cause I'm looking to score brownie points with the world or whatever. So since I learned the hard way, I'm no longer threatened by or concerned with who's not attracted to me and why. If a guy is attracted to me great. If he's not, that's okay. Why should I want to be with someone who's not attracted to me.

Besides, thin people do this to each other too. How often do we see that one ugly or really old guy with the conventionally beautiful young girl? You have to wonder if she's his trophy and how far up the social ladder he's going to get because of her. What's more, it doesn't even matter if they are an actual couple - it's probably better for him if she's just a "date" anyway.

We gotta get out of this negative "because I'm fat" mindset when it comes to attraction.

[LoveBHMS]

Besides, thin people do this to each other too. How often do we see that one ugly or really old guy with the conventionally beautiful young girl? You have to wonder if she's his trophy and how far up the social ladder he's going to get because of her. What's more, it doesn't even matter if they are an actual couple - it's probably better for him if she's just a "date" anyway.

Oh sure, i think most people like to 'show off' a partner. It's not like we all don't have some insecurities. Or even if we don't, it can be nice to say "Hey world...check out what I got!"

But just reading your post, you used the example of a "beautiful young girl". That reminds us all that younger folks are generally considered to be more socially desirable than old folks. So if somebody reading that had issues with age/increasing age and fear it was lessening social appeal, even an innocent (and i know it was innocent, i of course know you're not ageist) remark about "beautiful young girls" might be hurtful in the same way reading about a "hot muscled stud" might be hurtful to a fat guy.

[mossystate]

I can't imagine many fat women being with a man just because he is thin and, gee, is such a trophy. That novelty would get old..real quick. I will not fault those thin men who are not attracted to fat women. I could say, " gee, you are making me feel crappy and I cannot lift my head up, because you don't want me". What is the point of this, except to try and force attraction. If someone is not being cruel when they don't find you/me attractive....what the heck is the issue.

Attitude towards fat men in the SA community. If fat women are saying, " go away, fat guy..I am not only not attracted to you, but, I don't want you around as a human being "..then..yeah..that's a problem. I don't see that happening. If fat men feel this is what happens, and it is not actually happening, then, I would hope they pick themselves up a bit, not blame some fat women for how the women are wired ( funny how only FA's are allowed to claim such a thing... ) and say howdy-do, and participate. If they are primarily looking to be ' admired ', they will also find that, but, please, do not make it the fault of all fat women, if you do not have thousands at your feet. Welcome to the real world where most of us live.

And, I would never claim to know what Men Think..some men?..yes. If a man thinks he knows what I think, because he Knows How Women Think...ummm...Danger, Will Robinson.....just to be clear on such things.

[olwen]

Originally Posted by LoveBHMS

Oh sure, i think most people like to 'show off' a partner. It's not like we all don't have some insecurities. Or even if we don't, it can be nice to say "Hey world...check out what I got!"

But just reading your post, you used the example of a "beautiful young girl". That reminds us all that younger folks are generally considered to be more socially desirable than old folks. So if somebody reading that had issues with age/increasing age and fear it was lessening social appeal, even an innocent (and i know it was innocent, i of course know you're not ageist) remark about "beautiful young girls" might be hurtful in the same way reading about a "hot muscled stud" might be hurtful to a fat guy.

If anyone is reading that into it, then they'd be better off not letting it get to them. Why waste the energy on it?

Originally Posted by mossystate

I can't imagine many fat women being with a man just because he is thin and, gee, is such a trophy. That novelty would get old..real quick. I will not fault those thin men who are not attracted to fat women. I could say, " gee, you are making me feel crappy and I cannot lift my head up, because you don't want me". What is the point of this, except to try and force attraction. If someone is not being cruel when they don't find you/me attractive....what the heck is the issue.

Attitude towards fat men in the SA community. If fat women are saying, " go away, fat guy..I am not only not attracted to you, but, I don't want you around as a human being "..then..yeah..that's a problem. I don't see that happening. If fat men feel this is what happens, and it is not actually happening, then, I would hope they pick themselves up a bit, not blame some fat women for how the women are wired ( funny how only FA's are allowed to claim such a thing... ) and say howdy-do, and participate. If they are primarily looking to be ' admired ', they will also find that, but, please, do not make it the fault of all fat women, if you do not have thousands at your feet. Welcome to the real world where most of us live.

And, I would never claim to know what Men Think..some men?..yes. If a man thinks he knows what I think, because he Knows How Women Think...ummm...Danger, Will Robinson.....just to be clear on such things.

I couldn't imaging a woman being with a man just because he's skinny either. Just because a guy is skinny doesn't make him automatically gorgeous or desirable or a catch. He still has to have a pretty face and other qualities to boot.

[LoveBHMS]

I don't think BHMs necessarily feel as if BBW/SSBBW are with thin men just because they are thin. Maybe what i'm saying is it can be a reaction they'd have or they might feel as if a fat woman was hesitant to be with them for fear of people thinking "Oh, of course you're fat so you can only get a fat guy."

I don't see where it would be unreasonable for any woman to be proud of her ability to attract a socially desirable mate. It also makes sense if a person of either gender who felt marginalized or as if s/he had a quality that is socially undesirable, being able to attract a mate with socially desirable qualities would be an ego boost. It is perfectly normal to feel pride at having one's mate admired.

Also, having talked with many fat guys (as I do) they can often feel when these issues come up within Size Acceptance, that if discussions about entitlements include "thin attractive male" that it highlights the desirability of non-fat men. IOW, in any civil rights discussion you'd say "I deserve access to the same resources as everyone else". Fat men of course assert the same rights to non-discrimination and comfortable seating and well fitting clothing, but when fat women say "Dammit I like thin guys and I will have them" the fat guys can feel as if "thin guy" is lumped in with the other rights that fat women are fighting for. It puts thin males in the same category as other things for which you're fighting---positive things.

[mossystate]

Good Grief. How many fat women go around saying or thinking, " I WILL have a thin man, no matter if he makes my stuff tingle, or not, just so I can show the world I am able to get an acceptable mate ".

Hell, around here at Dims, there might be a few people...male and female...who go out of their way to try and snag the biggest people they can find, because, after all, fat is where it's at ( one way or another )..at Dims...and they want to be the most envied ( even if it is only in their head ).

Of course there are people who want what the Jones' have. That can include human beings...unfortunately. But, unless ' you ' are talking about outright.." ew..no fat men for me ", then ' we ' are talking about personal tastes. That means there is no ugliness involved.

The whole world should be about acceptance.. but.. it does not stop me from not being the cup of tea of a majority of men. Do I feel that I am not part of the human race?..like I am some sort of nothing?...at times..sure...we can all feel that way....but....I am not going to lay my hurt and disappointment at the wrong doorsteps.

[butch]

A lot of what is being discussed here would be classified as 'stigma managment' according to the sociologist Goffman. His book 'Stigma' is a classic precisely because it lays out the various ways anyone with a marginalized identity or component of their identity works to integrate themselves into mainstream society. Selecting mates on the basis of how much they may mitigate one's stigma does happen, but it also doesn't mean that any fat person who dates or is attracted to thin people is working this 'stigma management.'*

*the last part is to make clear that I am simply making an observation about someone else's research, and not making any claims at all about the dynamics of thin/fat dating and mating.

[Jack Skellington]

I think this bares repeating.

Originally Posted by Jack Skellington

Women are generally far less superficial than men. If women are avoiding you it's more than likely your personality.

[Jack Skellington]

Originally Posted by LoveBHMS

. And trust me, Bob knows how women think. I've been out with him and the very second my glass gets low on beer he immediately calls the waiter over, so Bob is good with women and how they think.

Wow, he got you a beer. That’s so… great. Yeah, that whole beer thing, that definitely solidifies he knows exactly how the female gender thinks.

[mossystate]

Originally Posted by Jack Skellington

I think this bares repeating.

While I kinda like that, as it would make me appear to be more..noble....hmmmm...I think that more and more, women are owning very definite things we like. That I like a variety of men, including some who would make many others go...'"huh?"..it is not because I am not being superficial...it's that I happen to like what I see......which is more than one thing.

I am not big on the thinking that women are oh so much better human beings...as a group. I smell what you are getting at, I just know that this sort of thing actually backfires on women.

I am still pro-Jack.

[LoveBHMS]

Originally Posted by Jack Skellington

I think this bares repeating.

You've just spent this whole thread defending women's rights to own their sexuality. Now you're saying that sexuality isn't really in play so long as the personality is there?

I don't think choosing a mate based on sexual attraction, or on needing to be sexually attracted to a mate is superficial and I don't think either males or females are wrong for doing so.

There are also many, many wonderful fat guys on this board and in real life who have trouble attracting women or are insecure about their looks. It's really wrong to tell them there must be something wrong with them if they can't get a girlfriend.

And if the reverse of what you're saying is true, and that men are so superficial as to only go for looks, that is like telling a woman "Hey, men pursue attractive women so if you can't get a date, it must be because you're ugly.

And the beer thing? TCUBOB is a real life friend of mine so i have a pretty good handle on what he knows about women. The beer thing was a joke.

[Waxwing]

Jack, obviously personality is essential, but we're creatures with eyes, and we see before we know. Someone can have the best personality in the world, but if you're not attracted to them, romance isn't gonna blossom. I'm not going to date someone I don't find attractive. Period. And I think that the majority of people in the world are the same.

So I think that the people who are struggling with finding someone shouldn't worry that they're really all irritating shitbags or something.

[Green Eyed Fairy]

Holy shit....next some guy's going to call me "size queen" and talk about "tossing a hot dog down a hallway" because I like a man to have a penis.


We like what we like....guys around here don't have to justify what they like. It only seems to be the womenfolk that get over-analyzed for their preferences.

I get sick of being held responsible/accountable for other people's insecurities.

[Waxwing]

Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy

Holy shit....next some guy's going to call me "size queen" and talk about "tossing a hot dog down a hallway" because I like a man to have a penis.


We like what we like....guys around here don't have to justify what they like. It only seems to be the womenfolk that get over-analyzed for their preferences.

I get sick of being held responsible/accountable for other people's insecurities.

You know what, you're totally right. And the more I think about this, the more it irritates me. Men are allowed to like what they like physically. For some reason we women are expected to not think that looks are important. "It's what's inside that counts". Well you know what? When it comes to sexual attraction we are just the same as men.

If you're not my physical type, that's that. And in that way I am no different from any man, nor should I be expected to be.

[LoveBHMS]

Originally Posted by butch

A lot of what is being discussed here would be classified as 'stigma managment' according to the sociologist Goffman. His book 'Stigma' is a classic precisely because it lays out the various ways anyone with a marginalized identity or component of their identity works to integrate themselves into mainstream society. Selecting mates on the basis of how much they may mitigate one's stigma does happen, but it also doesn't mean that any fat person who dates or is attracted to thin people is working this 'stigma management.'*

*the last part is to make clear that I am simply making an observation about someone else's research, and not making any claims at all about the dynamics of thin/fat dating and mating.

This is a fabulous post.

In no way am i suggesting that BHMs think BBWs are doing this or that they're choosing thin mates for any particular reason besides their own sexual preferences. I'm just saying if this does happen, and I do think it's a good theory, it might explain some of how BHMs feel.

[Santaclear]

Originally Posted by Jack Skellington

Women are generally far less superficial than men. If women are avoiding you it's more than likely your personality.

I strongly disagree. I would say woman as a group are pretty much exactly as superficial as men as a group.