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Old 06-28-2008, 08:19 PM   #1
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Default The real Movie Theatre Etiquette thread

Man, when I saw a thread labeled 'Movie Theatre Etiquette' (http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=42931) I though 'Finally, a chance to bitch and moan about all the things that piss me off when I'm trying to watch a movie'... when I clicked I was disappointed to find it's about someone celebrating something they love and enjoy. Not to be put off by a little positivity, I've created an bitter twin thread, complete with jaded misanthropy, just because I was looking forward to complaining about all the things that piss me off when I'm trying to watch a movie. Here goes.

-The people who's phone rings during the movie are generally imbeciles, but then everyone has an off day and makes this mistake occasionally (hell, even I've done it. Once.) and so leniency should be shown. People who actually conduct full on conversations should be electrocuted.

-Talking loudly. Generally I have a system in place for this (and of course, being British, there's no way I can just ask them to keep it down. That would be a little too confrontational, and there are - procedures that need to be followed. It's in the rule book you get, right after 'how to form a queue in any situation'). Step one is the subtle 'look back over the shoulder'. That way they know you're listening and have been disturbed. Then its the less subtle 'look over the shoulder... and 'tsk' them'. If they didn't see you look over they heard the 'tsk'. Then it's the anonymous 'shh'. Don't turn around, just shh loudly. It could have come from anywhere, and hopefully they'll get the message. Finally, if all else has failed, turn around and politely ask them to 'keep it down, I'm trying to listen to the movie'. Eye contact will need to be avoided on the way out of the cinema.

-People arriving ten minutes into the movie. Tickets cost about 35 now days, surely thats incentive enough to spend as long in the air conditioned room as possible.

-Food. Now, I love popcorn, drinks and sweets during a movie. My beef is not with the consumer, it's with the geniuses that are designing the packaging. During a heart-wrenching love scene I reach into my sweet packet (that I've paid 4 for) and it sounds like the speakers have exploded because all anyone can hear is the loudest rustling ever. I've even been the receiver of a 'look back over the shoulder' for this offense. I adjust the straw in my drink (that I've paid 3.50 for) and it sounds like nails down a chalk board. Seriously overpriced-cinema-food-packaging makers... fix this.

...anyone got any other pet-peeves or been unfortunate enough to have their cinema going experience tainted by some maladjusted reprobate?
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Old 06-28-2008, 08:53 PM   #2
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My gripe? People who bring their children to the theater. I don't mind if the child is well behaved, but when the kid is running around screaming going up and down the aisles and you are doing nothing about it then it is ridiculous. If they can't behave then leave them home. And I know that people will say that it's hard to get a babysitter or it costs a lot of money and I sympathize, I really do. Because I could not have afforded a sitter when my kids were little and I had no one to really watch them and I also knew that they probably would not sit quietly through a movie. So do you know what I did? I stayed home! That is the sacrifice we make as parents.
To add to that, what is up with parents that take their little kids to the scariest and goriest (or even the sexiest) of movies? That's not gonna mess a kid up, right?
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Old 06-28-2008, 09:02 PM   #3
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Talking to the screen.

OR

Reading the subtitles out loud. Seriously. If one can't read, one doesn't go to see a foreign film. You're not doing the rest of the patrons any favors by reading the movie to us.
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Old 06-28-2008, 09:27 PM   #4
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When the previews start, everyone shuts up. The previews are part of the overall experience. Oh, and god help me, I love my mom, but when we see a movie together and there's a funny moment, she turns and looks at me every time she laughs, as if to gauge my reaction. Eyes to the front, people, unless you're making out, in which case god bless and carry on. Just don't be loud about it.
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Old 06-28-2008, 09:35 PM   #5
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Don't sit there, watch the EXACT same thing I just did, and then lean over and ask "What just happened?" I'll spork you in the face...seriously. Wait until after the movie.
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Old 06-28-2008, 09:40 PM   #6
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Arriving late, talking during, cell phones, kids, talking back, talking/reacting to (totally get this one, Carrie), food, kids: check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

Also:
  • Listening to people answer the imbecilic pre-previews movie quiz. It seems to create some very proscribed/recurrent/predictable conversation...and those people turn into talkers later *mean look*.
  • Seat-kickers.
  • People who sit right next to you despite other empty seats.
  • It's been said a million times, but evil tight movie seats that mangle my poor hips and make me miserable and uncomfortable.
  • Bad movie theater tech issues. When the lights don't go down all the way, or there's too much sound from the next theater, or GOD HELP ME when the focus is off. One time they couldn't turn off the inter-movie muzak during a whole film, and I left....couldn't stand it.
My main beef is talking. I feel like a grouchy old gouty bachelor lawyer or something when I go to the movies, tut-tutting at the kids, but I'm sorry...with occasional exceptions, that place is a temple of silence. Hrmph.
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Old 06-29-2008, 08:06 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by JerseyGirl07093 View Post
My gripe? People who bring their children to the theater....
...And then sit that child directly in front of you, let the child (and I do mean child, not baby. Anyone seen with a pushchair within a 1-mile radius of the cinema will be exterminated) shit itself about 1/3 of the way into the film, then do nothing. Everytime that disgusting child shifts in its' seat we all get the lovely aroma. This is part of the reason I don't go to my local cinema anymore - I'd much rather just wait for a film to go to video/dvd or be shown on tv, then watch it from the comfort of a home not full of vile people (except me) and their hateful children.
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Old 06-29-2008, 09:05 AM   #8
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  • I saw a couple bring their children (I believe they were about 4 and 8 years old, two boys) to Sin City, I think it was. Maybe one of the Saw movies, or 300. I don't recall which, I just know that it was a late showing of a film that no child should see for various reasons.

    I wanted to beat the shit out of those people. I really did.

  • When I went to see Pirates of the Carribean- the first one- there was a woman right behind us with a bunch of kids. They wouldn't shut up, even after the glance-behind, and the "shh"ing. Best of all was when her phone went off and she answered it and held a conversation about ordering pizza.

    I confronted her about it after the film. I said, "you know, it's incredibly rude to everyone around you when you have your cell phone on during the film."

    Her response was "Well, I work for a hospital, so it always has to be on."

    Bitch, please. If you need to be on call, don't go to the theater; if you do, then don't sit in the center of the theater, sit in the back, that way you can slip out the door and chat with whomever without pestering anyone else; and lastly, don't fucking lie to me. Unless you're making pepperoni out of someone's spleen, don't try and act like the little chitchat you had during the film had anything to do with helping the sick and injured.

  • STOP NECKING IN SERIOUS MOVIES.

    I came to see a goddamn drama. I came to see some life-changing film. I didn't come to see and hear you slobbering all over each other's faces. Take that to whatever shitty Wayans brothers movie is playing, or some romantic film. Don't bring it into Million Dollar Baby or some similar film.

  • Quit bitching about the subtitles. I don't care if you "don't want to read the movie", it's often marked at the ticket counter as having subtitles; also, if the cast is made up entirely of foreign actors, with a foreign director, and a crew made up of mostly foreign people, odds are the movie wasn't made in English.

    And stop acting like it's a bad movie because you're too goddamn lazy to read the subtitles. Some of the greatest films ever made were actually *gasp* not made by Americans. Take your frat humor, shove it, and realize that Knocked Up is not the pinnacle of cinema.
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:01 AM   #9
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When people laugh at an inappropriate moment

and of course talking, but what really gets me is step by step commentary. If you wanna analyze the stinking film, wait for the DVD. (that's what I do - I'm a big talker haha)
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:03 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
[LIST]**Snip[*][*]When I went to see Pirates of the Carribean- the first one- there was a woman right behind us with a bunch of kids. They wouldn't shut up, even after the glance-behind, and the "shh"ing. Best of all was when her phone went off and she answered it and held a conversation about ordering pizza.

I confronted her about it after the film. I said, "you know, it's incredibly rude to everyone around you when you have your cell phone on during the film."

Her response was "Well, I work for a hospital, so it always has to be on."

Bitch, please. If you need to be on call, don't go to the theater; if you do, then don't sit in the center of the theater, sit in the back, that way you can slip out the door and chat with whomever without pestering anyone else; and lastly, don't fucking lie to me. Unless you're making pepperoni out of someone's spleen, don't try and act like the little chitchat you had during the film had anything to do with helping the sick and injured.
**snip
I would have made some comment to her like "oh yeah, those hospital pizza ordering emergencies can be traumatic, I understand. SO sorry to have bothered you"
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:51 AM   #11
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sorry to disappoint with my Mamma Mia thread


Anyway, judging from what people have said on this thread, Im probably the last person any of you would want to see a movie with .

I laugh at funny and not-so-funny moments. I like to lean over and whisper things to my companion. I like to talk to myself. I like to whistle at hotties when they take their clothes off. When a sex scene finally comes on Ill sometimes say (kinda loudly) "About time!" I always seem to have candy that makes a lot of noise. I fidget A LOT. I always talk during previews, especially when its for something Im excited about. I love gory death scenes and gasp a lot.

But there are annoying things that I don do! I always silence my cell, I never arrive late, I never get up to go to the bathroom and I dont throw things (ok once I threw my shoe at the screen during that wretched Britney Spears movie, but me and my friend were the only people there... which kinda tells ya something about the movie!)
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Old 06-29-2008, 11:05 AM   #12
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I like to lean over and whisper things to my companion.
You see, whispering's alright, so long as it's not so loud that the people around you get bugged by it. I do a few MST3K comments on a lot of movies, too, but I keep 'em so quiet that only the person next to me- who I'm joking with- can hear.

There's a difference between that and holding a full conversation at a volume that bothers others, y'know?

Quote:
I like to whistle at hotties when they take their clothes off.
This is really more about timing and context and stuff. Most people, I think, would get a chuckle if someone wolf whistles after one of the actors strips down.

Quote:
I always talk during previews, especially when its for something Im excited about.
Previews are sacred, but not so sacred that you can't talk about them during them. When I went to see Indy I was chatting with people around me about the Hellboy II trailer and how cool it looked.

Discussing one's sister's foot fungus during the previews, on the other hand... no. Just no. Very no.
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Old 06-29-2008, 11:24 AM   #13
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*snip* I laugh at funny and not-so-funny moments. I like to lean over and whisper things to my companion. *snip*
Oh, I don't really mind laughing..but I was thinking back to when I saw "The Truman Show". It wasn't a comedy, there were a few funny bits, but not a typical Jim Carrey movie. But a man right behind me was howling every time they should Jim Carreys stupid face..I guess he didn't really "get" the idea of the movie.

I honestly hadn't been to the movie theater since 2001 when I saw Monsters Inc, until a few weeks ago when I went to see Sex and the City...so my gripes are minimal considering a rarely have to deal with any of it
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Old 06-29-2008, 07:44 PM   #14
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Previews are sacred, but not so sacred that you can't talk about them during them. When I went to see Indy I was chatting with people around me about the Hellboy II trailer and how cool it looked.
You're the first person Ive heard mention it! I cant wait to see that one too! Im really, really hoping Kroenen somehow escaped from that spike pit and makes an appearance in this one.
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