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Old 10-12-2008, 10:15 AM   #51
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Old 10-12-2008, 02:05 PM   #52
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Old 10-22-2008, 03:02 PM   #53
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Hi, everyone.

I've been away from the forums for a while... been a little "too much" lately, and my depression was at its worst... but I am feeling better now... just wanted to be an arrogant bastard and announce it to the world
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Old 10-22-2008, 05:19 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Scorsese86 View Post
Hi, everyone.

I've been away from the forums for a while... been a little "too much" lately, and my depression was at its worst... but I am feeling better now... just wanted to be an arrogant bastard and announce it to the world

Good for you! Be arrogant and be proud
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Old 10-23-2008, 03:24 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by Scorsese86 View Post
Hi, everyone.

I've been away from the forums for a while... been a little "too much" lately, and my depression was at its worst... but I am feeling better now... just wanted to be an arrogant bastard and announce it to the world

I'm glad you're back
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Old 10-25-2008, 10:59 PM   #56
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I think I've responded to this thread in the past, saying positive things about not being as depressed as I used to be. I feel like it all came back and slapped me in the face today. I'm extremely depressed and not sure how to climb out of it. I'm feeling really alone and just sad. Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out.
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Old 10-26-2008, 01:58 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by lily352 View Post
I think I've responded to this thread in the past, saying positive things about not being as depressed as I used to be. I feel like it all came back and slapped me in the face today. I'm extremely depressed and not sure how to climb out of it. I'm feeling really alone and just sad. Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out.
Lily, I am sorry to hear that you are suffering again. Here's hoping that something wonderful and fantastic happens that will help lift you out of your blue mood. I've been there, and sometimes just a kind word can help.
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Old 10-26-2008, 06:53 AM   #58
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Default I'm With You.....

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Originally Posted by lily352 View Post
I think I've responded to this thread in the past, saying positive things about not being as depressed as I used to be. I feel like it all came back and slapped me in the face today. I'm extremely depressed and not sure how to climb out of it. I'm feeling really alone and just sad. Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out.
I'm with you, lily, Mom and are both going through a
bout as I type. She's trying to bankrupt herself and
I'm too damned disabled to move out of this hellhole
if she succeeds and gets foreclosed. Woopdefkndoo!!!
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:06 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by Butterbelly View Post
Having read people's posts and responses to this thread, I've decided to share my own story.

I have applied to numerous positions and sent out 33 resumes and not one interview. I'm at my wits end when it comes to finding a job. So I spend my days baking cookies, doing cross-stitch, and playing WoW. How exciting eh? I'm not used to sitting at home, and it's driving me mad.

I told my husband that I just can't take anymore stress and that I've started becoming depressed, but I'm not sure he quite understands since he's not home to completely understand.

I've talked to my doctor about it and she wants to put me on antidepressants, but I seriously don't want to take them.

If I find something to positively effect my affect, such as a hobby, going out with friends, simply talking and letting my issues out, then I can deal with the issues at hand better than being medicated.

While antidepressants work for some, they don't work for all. What I desperately need to do is find a way out of my apartment, besides doing laundry or grocery shopping. That means, I need to find a job or volunteer work that will get me interacting with people more, since I'm very much a people person.

I'm trying to make best of my situation with my husband gone, new state, new place, new people...but I have to admit, I really dislike where we are, and so far I have yet to come across a friendly person...damn California

Butterbelly,

I am sorry to hear about the rough time you are having with your health, your car, and adjusting to the change in location. You mentioned that you would like to have work to keep you busy & it would make you feel better. How about using what you like to do and merge it with what you mentioned are weaknesses in your community?

Moore's comments:
I remember Welcome Wagons from my earlier years where a nice lady would visit homes of new comers and bring them little gifts and coupons and make the new comers feel welcome to the community. Why don't you try to start a little service such as that? You could include some homebaked cookies, and coupons from local businesses, info on churches, meetings, stuff for kids, etc. and eventually get local businesses to sponsor you. You could try for a small business loan or a grant to get you started (especially for minority or women's businesses). Many community colleges will help you with grant writing and small business creation at no cost.

You could offer your service to businesses for the new employees or transfers (like you & hubby were) or to military bases (or to new citizens).


Quote:
Originally Posted by mediaboy View Post
Depression and anxiety are constantly with me, usually one or the other.

When it gets really bad I usually have some donuts and coffee(my guiltiest of guilty pleasures) and go for a bike ride.

Some times I will ride from Central Orange county to Redondo Beach before I am over it.

There were nights when riding my bike was more important that sleep, running the razors edge between crying and collapsing into a fetal position convulsing from panic.

I would get off work at midnight, wave good-bye to my coworkers, put a sweater on and ride North up Pacific Coast Highway in the rarest kind of silence until I reached Long Beach Boulevard and then turn east towards Los Angeles.

I would ride through Compton, Watts, Inglewood, and Industry on my way to down town LA or Hollywood all the while hoping some one would accost me and shoot me for my bike or my messenger bag and put me out of my misery but no one ever did.

Riding a bike at midnight up and down the Pacific Coast Highway does sound poetic and scenic, but for most of the women here I would like to add would be way to dangerous to even consider being a reasonable form of recreation. Not only is riding a bike alone at night an invitation to be mugged, but it is also a good way to get hurt in a late night car/bike crash in the dark.

Secondly, riding a bike at night thru the neighborhoods like Watts, etc. are equally dangerous for a woman. Not a good idea.


This town stays up late and sleeps in, her streets deserted save for a few phantasmal meter maids; ticketing cars with drunks asleep in the back seat(cheaper than cab fair).

Those morning rides were a baptism, a victory, a triumph.
Out of the train into the cold, down Broadway; the city unraveling as I go, letting her hair down. Ancient office buildings give way to apartments and parks.
Past Cherry Street, Maple, Pine, and Sycamore. Onto Ocean, through Bellmont Shores.
The people here wake up early, five coffee shops in three blocks cast a hazelnut hew in the fresh morning air. Picking up speed as the world comes a live. The sun on my face, a second wind; happiness like honesty, like God's love. My head and my heart scream in silence of dopamine and endorphins: a natural high.
With the sun rising in the East , the Pacific Ocean and the final tears of night to the west; I head North forever. The Earth alive and new and Christ I'm just so grateful for it, for all this beauty, for every breath, for every mile I have left to go.
I can't help racing the other early morning cyclists, smiling as I pass as if to let them know I am dancing to music they cannot hear, a tango of early morning, a sun salutation played by feet and cars and bicycles on sidewalks with gum stains like morning stars and freeways as black as early morning coffee, challenging them to follow; into beauty, into life.

I ride and ride and ride and ride until my lungs burst and I pass them all and my road ends because I am home and the door opens with the twist of my key and its so quiet and calm I realize I haven't spoken to any one or anything in over five hours and I'm happy and tired.
I put my bike to bed, stunned and amazed that such a simple and noble invention is capable of such wondrous things. It may as well have taken me to the moon and back.
My bed calls, and I strip off my sweat soaked clothes and crawl in like a child. My heart and my soul alive with beauty and joy; I am a child. I fall asleep smiling and warm, my last thought amazement that all of this is made of stars.
Yes, your bike adventure is very poetically written and very vivid. But, I can't help but pick up on the feeling that you are challenging the city or someone or something in the night to fight with you or hurt you. The fact that you are alive or hail and hearty come morning seems to be a relief, a renewal to you. It sort of sounds like someone playing Russian Roulette, riding a bucking rodeo bull, bungee jumping, or hang gliding. Challenging death and getting thrills by winning the game. If someone wants to do these things with their life, fine. But, people should know that the risks they are taking doing so are very great. However, some get great satisfaction from living with such risks.



Quote:
Originally Posted by imfree View Post
I'm with you, lily, Mom and are both going through a
bout as I type. She's trying to bankrupt herself and
I'm too damned disabled to move out of this hellhole
if she succeeds and gets foreclosed. Woopdefkndoo!!!
ImFree,

You say you're too disabled to move? Have you looked into government housing for the disabled? Here in my area, there are several housing additions that offers government assistance. Also, there are many rental properties that HUD will add a portion of the rent for disabled and qualified people. It wouldn't hurt to look into it.

I think that the best way to change one's situation for the better is to make small modifications one at a time. Just take little steps. This will help you from becoming overloading and help keep down the depressing thoughts. Small successes are easier to achieve. Also, ask some of your church members to help you find another place if you need to move. They should also help you move too.
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:36 AM   #60
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Default Good Advice

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Originally Posted by moore2me View Post
................snipped.................
ImFree,

You say you're too disabled to move? Have you looked into government housing for the disabled? Here in my area, there are several housing additions that offers government assistance. Also, there are many rental properties that HUD will add a portion of the rent for disabled and qualified people. It wouldn't hurt to look into it.

I think that the best way to change one's situation for the better is to make small modifications one at a time. Just take little steps. This will help you from becoming overloading and help keep down the depressing thoughts. Small successes are easier to achieve. Also, ask some of your church members to help you find another place if you need to move. They should also help you move too.
That was great advice, Moore2Me. Mom and I are
in a co-dependent relationship. She helps me with
a multitude of physical household tasks and I help
her with administrative and technical tasks. I can
live well on my disability pension in her household
when her finances don't interfere with my life.The
thought of living on my own, with government
assistance terrifies me because I would have to
"die" to my electronic endeavors, and probably to
my online endeavors, as well, for lack of spendable
income. Typical veteran, living alone on disability
pension? Visualize a mindless vegetable in front of
a television, who can't afford to go anywhere or
do anything..Killing my body would be far more
merciful than killing my spirit, trust me!
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Old 10-26-2008, 03:37 PM   #61
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Thanks. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I wish I had kind words for everyone, but I'm just not really able to come up with any right now.


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Originally Posted by Lovelyone View Post
Lily, I am sorry to hear that you are suffering again. Here's hoping that something wonderful and fantastic happens that will help lift you out of your blue mood. I've been there, and sometimes just a kind word can help.
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Old 10-26-2008, 05:16 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by lily352 View Post
Thanks. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I wish I had kind words for everyone, but I'm just not really able to come up with any right now.
OH im sorry. I meant that sometimes when someon has a kind word for me when I am feeling depressed, it can help o make me feel a bit more cheery.
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Old 10-26-2008, 07:39 PM   #63
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Default Best Wishes.

I would like to wish everyone the very best in fighting this dark mass called depression-it is a pretty awful condition to live with,and people live with the scars of it all each and every day.There is a light of hope that can pierce the darkness,however bleak it may be-you just have to find that little light,grab ahold of it and not let go. I know I might be making this sound a lot easier than it is, but I really just can't bear the thought that others may be suffering similar termoil as I have felt. The best of luck and much love to all of you.
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Old 10-26-2008, 08:27 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by Adamantoise View Post
I would like to wish everyone the very best in fighting this dark mass called depression-it is a pretty awful condition to live with,and people live with the scars of it all each and every day.There is a light of hope that can pierce the darkness,however bleak it may be-you just have to find that little light,grab ahold of it and not let go. I know I might be making this sound a lot easier than it is, but I really just can't bear the thought that others may be suffering similar termoil as I have felt. The best of luck and much love to all of you.
Thanks, Dude, for your love, kindness, and understanding.
Sorry, I can't rep you again, this soon.
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You got to lose to know how to win.(Aerosmith-Dream On)

Fat is like grass, it'll never go away and there's a hell
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Life is only therapy, real expensive and no guarantees.

Fat is only ugly to those who hate.

Federal Pacific Panels & Breakers have known fire hazards!
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Old 10-27-2008, 05:26 PM   #65
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Oops. I knew what you meant. I just meant that I wish i had had kind words for others.

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Originally Posted by Lovelyone View Post
OH im sorry. I meant that sometimes when someon has a kind word for me when I am feeling depressed, it can help o make me feel a bit more cheery.
Today was a lot worse. Who knew
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Old 10-27-2008, 05:52 PM   #66
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Thanks, Dude, for your love, kindness, and understanding.
Sorry, I can't rep you again, this soon.
That's perfectly alright,Edgar. If you need to talk,I'll listen.
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Old 10-28-2008, 02:18 AM   #67
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I am having a lot of problems of late..I know why but am not sure what to do about it..

This is the time of year I lost my Mom and I for one hate and I do mean hate,shorter days and longer nights..I can not stand the fact there is not enough sunlight in a day. I have been diagnosed with SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder but they do not do much more then give me the Zoloft and the Trazadone.

If I could I would go to bed and sleep until Winter was over. I do not want to eat,I can't sleep very well,I am so tired I can barely get out of my bed.....I HATE THIS SHIT!!!
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Old 10-28-2008, 01:32 PM   #68
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I am having a lot of problems of late..I know why but am not sure what to do about it..

This is the time of year I lost my Mom and I for one hate and I do mean hate,shorter days and longer nights..I can not stand the fact there is not enough sunlight in a day. I have been diagnosed with SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder but they do not do much more then give me the Zoloft and the Trazadone.

If I could I would go to bed and sleep until Winter was over. I do not want to eat,I can't sleep very well,I am so tired I can barely get out of my bed.....I HATE THIS SHIT!!!
I can empathise. Winter's charms wear thin quickly with me too. You might like to try using a sunlamp. I read somewhere that sunlight therapy has been used with some success in Sweden to treat SAD.
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Old 10-28-2008, 10:22 PM   #69
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I don't know where else to post this, but I am new to this page, like it a lot, nothing to do with that, but I have a major health problem. I am not overweight, and it has nothing to do with my love with BBW to do...

...I am a clinical depressive, and have been in therapy for two years. I just wondered if anyone else have struggeled with depression, know how to get out of it and such.

Sorry, if this ain't the right place to post this kind of thing.
Hey,
I have been diangnosed with major depression and dysthymia and disordered eating, my issues are mostly chemically based (as compaired to environmentally) and so will not "grow" out of it. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, my medical doctor and a hypnotherapist. As I am a biologically based depressive, my medication works wonders for me. If you ever want to compaire notes, you are welcome to email me. Good luck

Last edited by goodthings; 10-28-2008 at 10:23 PM. Reason: changes
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Old 10-28-2008, 10:24 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by BubbleButtBabe View Post
I am having a lot of problems of late..I know why but am not sure what to do about it..

This is the time of year I lost my Mom and I for one hate and I do mean hate,shorter days and longer nights..I can not stand the fact there is not enough sunlight in a day. I have been diagnosed with SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder but they do not do much more then give me the Zoloft and the Trazadone.

If I could I would go to bed and sleep until Winter was over. I do not want to eat,I can't sleep very well,I am so tired I can barely get out of my bed.....I HATE THIS SHIT!!!
I hear ya. Being depressed fucking sucks.
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Old 10-28-2008, 10:29 PM   #71
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words

yes, that's what the word "hoping" before the whole "shoot me" line is for.


one must find the beauty in life in spite of death, not because of it.
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Old 10-29-2008, 08:26 AM   #72
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yes, that's what the word "hoping" before the whole "shoot me" line is for.


one must find the beauty in life in spite of death, not because of it.
Mediaboy, excuse ignorant self, but I do not understand your post. Could you please explain a little further (or am I going to be sorry I asked?) M2M.

Also, many people in the world believe that death is not the end of a person's life (that is, it's not the end of their spiritual life).
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Old 10-31-2008, 12:32 AM   #73
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Originally Posted by imfree View Post
That was great advice, Moore2Me. Mom and I are
in a co-dependent relationship. She helps me with
a multitude of physical household tasks and I help
her with administrative and technical tasks. I can
live well on my disability pension in her household
when her finances don't interfere with my life.The
thought of living on my own, with government
assistance terrifies me because I would have to
"die" to my electronic endeavors, and probably to
my online endeavors, as well, for lack of spendable
income. Typical veteran, living alone on disability
pension? Visualize a mindless vegetable in front of
a television, who can't afford to go anywhere or
do anything..Killing my body would be far more
merciful than killing my spirit, trust me!
I am on Social Security for severe chronic depression, and two spinal conditions. Since then I've developed non-alcoholic sclerosis of the liver to add to the fun.

My sole reliable income is from SSD and SSI, and I live independently. As you can clearly see, I can afford Internet access. Yes the finances are very tight each month and I've had to go through a lot of effort to achieve what I've got. I take advantage of energy assistance offered through my state, I have Medicare and Medicaid, food stamps, rental assistance, and I also visit my church's food pantry on months when things are really tight.

You can take advantage of your local Center for Independent Living. They will provide you with access to resources you probably didn't know you could get, such as a low cost (or maybe free) yearly bus pass, in home care/housekeeping, and likely other things. My local CIL also helps people who do not have their own place to get one. I'm considering getting a weekly housekeeper, because my ability to clean and do laundry is not so good.

I have been in your situation, living with my mom after my wife died, but in my case my mom died unexpectedly and I was going to be tossed out of the house because it had to be sold to settle her estate. I got educated real fast. You have time to do your research, so you should do so. You'll be amazed at the possibilities you will find.
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Old 10-31-2008, 12:57 AM   #74
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I've had depression my entire life. I came out of the womb with it hard wired into my brain. It is possible that I might have a mild bi-polar condition, but that's never been officially diagnosed. I say that because I also have occasional bouts of hypomania and I constantly have to deal with racing thoughts. Neither is typical of depression, but are present in bi-polar disorder. But again, I've seen more psychiatrists, psychologists and Licensed Clinical Social Workers than I can count over the years, and none of them ever said I was anything but severely chronically depressed. *shrug*

I take celexa and trazodone to cope with my chemical wackiness, and I've seen a lot of shrinks and assorted other mental health professionals over the years to try to cope with what goes on in my head. With all that, I am reasonably functional... though my stability is rather fragile.

Because I've of the bariatric surgery I had, I must take B-12 shots twice a month. The few days after taking a shot I deal with a mild mania that can lead me to do stupid things if I'm not careful.

I've had a lot of bad stuff happen in my life over the past five years, and that hasn't helped at all.

On my darkest days I can't keep up a brave face, and I become a hard person to be around. On those days I'm moody and I isolate, becoming quite anti-social.

But even with all this, I do my best to project a friendly and outgoing demeanor. It is a coping mechanism, and I'll detail why I believe it works.

1) Nobody wants to be around someone who is a downer. If you project a morose and moody attitude, you drive people away. Maintaining social contact is essential to mental health.

2) How you project yourself affects how you are within. If you express your depression, you feel more depressed. If you express a lighter mood, even if you don't feel it, you will improve how you feel inside.

3) I volunteer. Even though I can't hold a regular job, I volunteer what time I am able at my local Center for Independent Living. If you stay home all the time, you will drive yourself nowhere but deeper into isolation and depression. As I said above, social contact is essential to mental health.

This is what works for me. I hope it is of some small help to others.
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Old 10-31-2008, 01:22 AM   #75
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I am back to full-fledged insomnia, which does not help depression. I have some really difficult days ahead at work. But I've decided that no one can ruin my Halloween. I have a great costume. I won't have a lot of time to get in it before the party I'm working, but I'm still determined to make the most of it. I can't let another crap day take away all of my fun!
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