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Old 03-15-2015, 11:36 AM   #1176
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"...lots of acquaintances and few truly close friends....notes in my Outlook calendar to call such and such on a schedule. Even if I don't have anything to talk about I will still call just to let them hear my voice. We may only get together a few times a year, but I made sure I keep that contact."
Especially as you get older, it's important to remind yourself to invest regularly and consistently and somewhat proportionately in the relationships you get the most out of. And even the ones you just a little something out of.

It's a two-way street. And, I think, anything that helps to us to remember that it's not all about you can really a person help to get a bit outside of themselves and focus what's more important. This is just one of those qualities common to people who're generally happy.
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Old 03-16-2015, 08:34 AM   #1177
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And, I think, anything that helps to us to remember that it's not all about you can really a person help to get a bit outside of themselves and focus what's more important. This is just one of those qualities common to people who're generally happy.
That is a great point to remember. I didn't consider that.
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Old 03-16-2015, 10:21 AM   #1178
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Massive blowout with my father.
I let my guard down and he went in for the kill.


Fuck him.
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Old 03-16-2015, 07:59 PM   #1179
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Sorry that happened, Surly. It's awful when someone who's supposed to love/care for you goes for the jugular like that.

Someone close to me does something similar, and I don't really know the best way to handle it. I suppose it boils down to trying to decide whether you're generally better off with him in your life (perhaps within certain parameters and/or on the other side of that protective guard you mentioned) or whether it's best to distance yourself from him completely. I'm still struggling with that one myself. Hugs to you.
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Old 03-17-2015, 08:01 AM   #1180
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I'm sad you're going through something similar, life is crazy enough.

The up-side is he finally said the one thing i've known my entire adult life: He doesn't like me.

Haha

Again, fuck him!

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Sorry that happened, Surly. It's awful when someone who's supposed to love/care for you goes for the jugular like that.

Someone close to me does something similar, and I don't really know the best way to handle it. I suppose it boils down to trying to decide whether you're generally better off with him in your life (perhaps within certain parameters and/or on the other side of that protective guard you mentioned) or whether it's best to distance yourself from him completely. I'm still struggling with that one myself. Hugs to you.
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Old 03-17-2015, 11:37 AM   #1181
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Massive blowout with my father.
I let my guard down and he went in for the kill.


Fuck him.
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I'm sad you're going through something similar, life is crazy enough.

The up-side is he finally said the one thing i've known my entire adult life: He doesn't like me.

Haha

Again, fuck him!
I so know how this goes. Sometimes it turns out to be a damn pity that we naturally revere our parents so much as small children. It's not easy to take back that kind of power from a person.

But you've done it and you're still doing it.

And in a society where it's rather unconventional to say such things about your father (because.... because..... he's your father ) I'm going to back you up 100%. If he can't see your worth, if what you feel the need to do is constantly have your guard up with him around, then fuck him very much indeed.

<3
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Old 03-17-2015, 01:07 PM   #1182
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He's made his issues a part of who i've become. How I view myself. How I handle my life (or don't handle it). Why I want/wanted so much approval i'll never truly know.

I had been doing so well buffering him but he stepped up a bit lately and acted like I meant something, in turn I was a bit more vulnerable. NEVER AGAIN. He was cruel, immature, and not talking sense about a lot of things. He really just wanted to hurt me. Push the knife in deeper.

He's not a nice person to me. For that matter, he's not very nice to a lot of people he actually knows. At all.

I wanted to say that it was comforting hearing you say you understand, but it's not. I don't wish this kind of abuse on anyone.

Live your life for yourself, no one else. NO ONE ELSE.





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I so know how this goes. Sometimes it turns out to be a damn pity that we naturally revere our parents so much as small children. It's not easy to take back that kind of power from a person.

But you've done it and you're still doing it.

And in a society where it's rather unconventional to say such things about your father (because.... because..... he's your father ) I'm going to back you up 100%. If he can't see your worth, if what you feel the need to do is constantly have your guard up with him around, then fuck him very much indeed.

<3
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Old 03-22-2015, 07:57 PM   #1183
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Really not in a good place tonight. My boyfriend is over at his parents' so I can't call him.
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Old 03-23-2015, 08:47 AM   #1184
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Really not in a good place tonight. My boyfriend is over at his parents' so I can't call him.
Hope you're in a better place today even if it is Monday
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Old 06-14-2015, 04:27 PM   #1185
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Some days I hate myself so much I have no words.

Today is one of those days.
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Old 06-18-2015, 02:04 PM   #1186
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I normally feel sorta crappy after I come after visiting my boyfriend but this is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I thought a good night's sleep would help but I barely dragged myself out of bed at 1:30 this afternoon. I showered, took some things out of my suitcase, and mailed some paperwork. I'm ready to crawl back into bed.
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Old 06-18-2015, 02:25 PM   #1187
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Some days I hate myself so much I have no words.

Today is one of those days.
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I normally feel sorta crappy after I come after visiting my boyfriend but this is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I thought a good night's sleep would help but I barely dragged myself out of bed at 1:30 this afternoon. I showered, took some things out of my suitcase, and mailed some paperwork. I'm ready to crawl back into bed.
You're both in my thoughts often. Like genuinely, that's not something I'm just saying to say it. You've both been so supportive and amazing to me over these past few months - my worst yet. For that, and because I feel a kinship, your health and happiness will always be something I'm relentlessly rooting for.
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Old 06-18-2015, 02:59 PM   #1188
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You're both in my thoughts often. Like genuinely, that's not something I'm just saying to say it. You've both been so supportive and amazing to me over these past few months - my worst yet. For that, and because I feel a kinship, your health and happiness will always be something I'm relentlessly rooting for.

Thanks. You're in my thoughts as well. It's nice to feel like there's someone who cares and doesn't feel burdened be me talking about how I'm feeling
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Old 06-19-2015, 09:36 AM   #1189
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Thank you. I find comfort on this board so much and appreciate everyone sharing their struggles. xoxx


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You're both in my thoughts often. Like genuinely, that's not something I'm just saying to say it. You've both been so supportive and amazing to me over these past few months - my worst yet. For that, and because I feel a kinship, your health and happiness will always be something I'm relentlessly rooting for.
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Old 11-09-2015, 10:56 AM   #1190
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It flailing up majorly for the first time since I've been living here. I've had a few home sick days and things like that, but not this want to sleep all day, feel like I'm going to cry for no reason, isolated feeling.
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Old 11-09-2015, 02:44 PM   #1191
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It flailing up majorly for the first time since I've been living here. I've had a few home sick days and things like that, but not this want to sleep all day, feel like I'm going to cry for no reason, isolated feeling.
It will be okay, you'll get through this, you are strong. Much positive vibes coming your way. <3
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Old 11-09-2015, 03:51 PM   #1192
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It will be okay, you'll get through this, you are strong. Much positive vibes coming your way. <3
Thanks. I did give my boyfriend a heads up that this is typically the hardest time of year for me. I'm going to try to make a conscious effort not to isolate myself and to keep busy. I took the pup to the dog park today and that was good.
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:40 AM   #1193
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I feel you lille! I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), so I experience depression this time of year, basically right into the spring months.

I've been struggling to stay awake, with awful headaches and low spirits for about two weeks now. And I have an ongoing, major case of the "fukkits" with work and anything "hard". I know within the next month the being unable to think/express myself/unable to stay awake/crying is going to kick up...

This year doesn't look like it will be as bad as some, but two years ago was so bad I was basically crying each night, was emotionally all over the place, and was unable to focus or even stay awake. Big hugs!!!
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Old 11-10-2015, 02:25 PM   #1194
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I feel you lille! I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), so I experience depression this time of year, basically right into the spring months.

I've been struggling to stay awake, with awful headaches and low spirits for about two weeks now. And I have an ongoing, major case of the "fukkits" with work and anything "hard". I know within the next month the being unable to think/express myself/unable to stay awake/crying is going to kick up...

This year doesn't look like it will be as bad as some, but two years ago was so bad I was basically crying each night, was emotionally all over the place, and was unable to focus or even stay awake. Big hugs!!!
This time of year is aways worst for me, peaking around Christmas. I was hoping the warmer weather down here would help. I'm just going to learn how to let my boyfriend see the not so pretty parts, without using him as a crutch/excuse to totally fall apart.
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Old 10-03-2016, 10:47 PM   #1195
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So it's not exactly depression related but this where I feel most comfortable talking about my mental health. I've gotten back into counseling and have been going for about 2 months now. We're starting to dig in and do real trauma work. I know it's good for me but it sucks. Last session wasn't as bad but after the first session I was jittery and on edge and raw for days. I'm also frustrated with myself because there are so many holes in my memory. I have a poor memory in general but there are just so many gaps. I hate telling my therapist that nope, still don't remember any more details. My clinician brain tells me that's normal and a defense mechanism but it's still so frustrating and I can't help but feel disappointed in myself.
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Old 10-04-2016, 12:53 AM   #1196
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So it's not exactly depression related but this where I feel most comfortable talking about my mental health. I've gotten back into counseling and have been going for about 2 months now. We're starting to dig in and do real trauma work. I know it's good for me but it sucks. Last session wasn't as bad but after the first session I was jittery and on edge and raw for days. I'm also frustrated with myself because there are so many holes in my memory. I have a poor memory in general but there are just so many gaps. I hate telling my therapist that nope, still don't remember any more details. My clinician brain tells me that's normal and a defense mechanism but it's still so frustrating and I can't help but feel disappointed in myself.
I can definitely empathise with this. Therapy, whilst helpful, can be hugely draining and leave you so vulnerable and raw to everything for ages afterwards. You just have to remind yourself that that means you are remembering things and uncovering things inside yourself and that's the first step to recovering and overcoming them. It's easy to get frustrated with yourself, I know, but try and be as patient as you can. I know you wouldn't get frustrated with anyone else in this situation so try and remind yourself how patient and understanding you would be with other people in that situation.

You are doing great.
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Old 10-04-2016, 08:48 AM   #1197
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Thanks loopy. I just need to remember to treat myself as gently as I do my clients.
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Old 10-04-2016, 10:54 PM   #1198
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Originally Posted by Xyantha Reborn View Post
I feel you lille! I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), so I experience depression this time of year, basically right into the spring months.

I've been struggling to stay awake, with awful headaches and low spirits for about two weeks now. And I have an ongoing, major case of the "fukkits" with work and anything "hard". I know within the next month the being unable to think/express myself/unable to stay awake/crying is going to kick up...

This year doesn't look like it will be as bad as some, but two years ago was so bad I was basically crying each night, was emotionally all over the place, and was unable to focus or even stay awake. Big hugs!!!
Aren't there some special light bulbs or something that provide full-spectrum light that can mitigate SAD?
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Old 10-05-2016, 10:19 PM   #1199
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lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!lille has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Aren't there some special light bulbs or something that provide full-spectrum light that can mitigate SAD?

Yes, my mom used to have one and my undergraduate school had some that students could use for free.
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Old 10-10-2016, 09:11 PM   #1200
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x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Tonight is a bad night, my mind is eating at itself, I can't help it. I'm in a weird emotional episode I can't crawl out of, so instead I am crawling into a bottle of rum. I don't choose the best ways to handle this shit, but I am trying to distract myself. I wish I understood myself.
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