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Old 08-14-2008, 01:24 AM   #1
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Default FA who avoid the word fat.

I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.

A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.

I don't think refering to myself as fat *IS* putting myself down. I actually find myself feeling more offended when I'm told I'm *not* fat. It's like why would I lie about something so bloody obvious and do they think I'm so stupid that I'm suddenly going to say 'oh hang on wait, I've been totally wrong I'm not actually fat. woohoo!?'

Anyways, sorry for the little rant. What are your thoughts on the matter?
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Old 08-14-2008, 02:00 AM   #2
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The F word. I think the reasoning here is twofold.

1. Many people fear using the word, because it's drawn such a bad connotation. What do people of the non size-acceptance community say when referring to bigger people? They say "fat" or "fat-ass" or "fatty fatty two by four" or "damn you're fat" or any myriad of blunt statements. The word has developed a sort of venom because of this usage; since for the average person there is very little positive about "fat," it's used derisively. So for a lot of people there's nothing cute about the word, it's so blunt that it's off-putting. It brings back memories of family members and classmates (I can attest to that, at least), and isn't really something you want to hear coming from your significant other or friend.

Now, some people can be "emancipated" about the word and state that they don't want to stop using it just because of it's bastardization. I think that's a fine viewpoint to have. However, that doesn't mean people don't have the right to be made uncomfortable by it. It's all in the personal prerogative, like most things.

Soooo; I think that plenty of FAs don't like using it for fear of being abrasive or inconsiderate. That's pretty much how I feel about it, at least. If I'm aware that a girl is A-OK with it, then I might drop a "damn you're fat" in there sometimes. But only because she's savvy to the connotation that I'm putting on it.

2. People like to use pet names. It's cute ... sort of.
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Old 08-14-2008, 03:43 AM   #3
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I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.

A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.

I don't think refering to myself as fat *IS* putting myself down. I actually find myself feeling more offended when I'm told I'm *not* fat. It's like why would I lie about something so bloody obvious and do they think I'm so stupid that I'm suddenly going to say 'oh hang on wait, I've been totally wrong I'm not actually fat. woohoo!?'
Anyways, sorry for the little rant. What are your thoughts on the matter?
See this? My biggest bug bear!! People who say I am not fat because they think its what I want to hear!! To me its like someone saying I am not tall!
I can see how the word fat is offensive, to people who are maybe like 10llbs "overweight" but to me its stating the bloody obvious.

I get people that hate that I call myself fat, it frustrates me. Surely its my choice how I feel comfortable referring to myself? Even my cutie, who loves my body and prefers fat girls, rarely calls me fat. He calls me curvy. Its not that I mind other words for fat. I like being called fluffy or voluptuous, its cute and theyre just alternative words, but only providing the person is also happy to call me FAT!!
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:17 AM   #4
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I call My Girl Fatty all the time, I'v mentioned this before, sometimes I'll say "i love you Fatty" and she'll look at me all shocked and hurt and say "Did you Just Call Me Fat !" to which i simply reply "yeah" and she shrugs her shoulders smiles and says Either "ok" or "Just Checking" this one is fun out in public, at restaurants and especially at a Buffet !!!

Sometimes when she's enjoying dessert I'll warn her "careful baby your gonna get fat" and i love this response. She'll smile take a big bite and say "I Hope so!! or good"

i tend to have to watch myself when i'm not with her because i'm so free with the word Fat that sometimes i throw it around and people get a bit offended!!!

I love you My big beautiful Fatty
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:15 AM   #5
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I've encountered both ends of the spectrum in my experiences. Some girls have no problem being called fat while others are very offended, its really hit or miss depending on the confidence level.
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Old 08-14-2008, 09:54 AM   #6
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I've worked on reclaiming the word 'fat' for years. I call myself fat, and when others are shocked or offended, or try the "You're not fat!" bs, I tell them that fat is not a four-letter word. It's merely a descriptive word like tall or short or thin.

It's funny to see how some of my friends and coworkers have adopted my use of the word fat, and how others haven't. I commonly refer to the Vegas bash as my "Fat Girl Party" and after I came back this year, one of my male coworkers asked "How was your 'Fat Girl Party'?" The other coworker who was in the room at the time nearly spun her head off, she thought it was so offensive for him to say that to me. hahaha!
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Old 08-14-2008, 11:22 AM   #7
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People like to use pet names. It's cute ... sort of.
I do not. I dispise it. It is easily one of the most sickening things ever. Pet names are just another form of hiding. Stop Hiding. You will never be free if you cower in fear of a word.

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I've encountered both ends of the spectrum in my experiences. Some girls have no problem being called fat while others are very offended, its really hit or miss depending on the confidence level.
Confidence is all in the mind. You can't tell someone to be confident, they either feel it or they do not feel it. If they do not feel it, they need a reason TO feel it. We are conditioned everyday to lose confidence. How do we build up confidence? Compliment and pay it forward. It is the persons choice to receve the compliment well or not well. One can do little more than that.

As is obvious, I do not fear the word FAT. I don't depend on it to describe me as a person either. For instance, I am a Fat GIRL Admierer, not a Fat Admierer. It is the Girl I admire, Fat is only the descripive word for the girl. As I have stated, I dispise the little cutesy terms used in liue of fat, such as:

Curvy. No, you are not a road.
Plush. No, you are not a stuffed animal.
Fluffy. No, you are not a pillow.

and the one I cannot stand in the least:
PHAT. Learn to fucking spell. Acronym or not, it's just dumb as hell.

If you want to use them as a descriptive term, fine. It's your choice. NONE of those describe ME as a person. I am TALL, I am FAT and I just don't give a shit what other people think. I'm a sexy man, and I happen to think FAT GIRLS are the sexiest women on the planet.

I don't applogize for my use of the word "fat". If people are offended by the word "fat", then they are better off just to stay the fuck outta my kool-aid because when it's all said and done....

Only the most confident and secure of us will not allow ourselves to be afraid of the word "FAT". We use it without fear, and hell, it's not shameful in the least to use it with a little bit of pride!
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Old 08-14-2008, 11:53 AM   #8
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I can only really speak for myself, but as a thin FA I am conscious of both the people around me who toss around the word fat as an insult, and those who use it merely as a descriptive term to apply to themselves.

I certainly don't want to belong to, or for people to think I belong to, the group that uses the word as an insult. On the other hand, I am not fat myself. Therefore, I don't want to offend anyone by using the word when I don't really have any "ownership" of the word.

I wouldn't say that I use euphemisms for fat, becuase I think that would imply that there is something negative about it. I do however use synonyms instead of saying "fat," at least until I get comfortable with a person or group. It is certainly misguided to deny that someone is fat when they admit to it and embrace the word, and it is understandably frustrating.

Now as a self-described geek, I think I can relate somewhat to people being "embarrassed for you" when you apply a label to yourself, a label that they feel shouldn't be applied to anyone. It's frustrating. Let the people to whom the term applies and who are unashamed to associate with the term decide whether or not to identify as fat, geeky, queer, etc.

To summarize, if have enough confidence to call yourself fat, more power to you! You're being a positive role-model changing the dialog. I am annoyed that some people refuse to allow others to define themselves, but I can understand why thin FAs might be nervous to use the term at first.
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Old 08-14-2008, 12:27 PM   #9
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The problem as I see it isn't exactly the word fat. I am quite comfortable in using the word. However, the problem lies in the connotation of the word. Many fat girls have only known the connotation of the word to be negative or hateful, instead of the positive and complementary connotation that are used often by FA's. I think to be able to use the word fat around a fat girl depends on her individual experience with FA's. If she is someone like Em, who has been around the community for 5+ years, she should be comfortable with being called fat in a positive way. However, if it is somebody new to the community, an FA coming straight out and saying something along the lines of, "Damn your fat looks good", they might freak out. So I feel you should test the waters of the girls experience and confidence levels before using the term.
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Old 08-14-2008, 12:32 PM   #10
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I have become a LOT more comfortable with the word fat in the last year. Before last July, I would never have used it as a self descriptive term.

Someone above mentioned calling the Vegas bash a *fat girl party*...I refer to the weekend bashes as *fatty bashes*. It amuses me to make people kind of double take at the phrase, and then I get to explain what they are...which 9 times out of 10 yields a *oh, cool* response.

I've also become more willing to joke about it. One day, I brought a pretty awesome lunch to work and whenever I do, people comment that it looks good etc. One day, a friend said jokingly that I had stolen her lunch. As I was taking a bite, I just looked at her and was like *thats right. Cause I'm a bad fatty.*

There were shocked looks, but I laughed lol.

Whatever. I'm comfortable In my skin now and damn the torpedos.
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:44 PM   #11
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I used to tell one of my ex-girlfriends that she wasn't fat, just chubby. Not because I thought the word "fat" was bad, but because, for me, she just didn't seem that big.
I have to be careful about throwing "the F word" around casually because not everyone knows about Fat Acceptance and reclaiming the word and all that, so they'll take it like a sudden slap in the face! So my general rule is, wait to see if she uses it, and whether she uses it positively or at least neutrally first.
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Old 08-15-2008, 06:04 AM   #12
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One must understand that girls who don't mind the word fat being used to describe them is a small minority. I use it here, but still I hesitate, not wanting to offend anyone.

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Old 08-15-2008, 06:31 AM   #13
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sometimes I'll say "i love you Fatty" and she'll look at me all shocked and hurt and say "Did you Just Call Me Fat !"
LOL, this reminds me of Ben and I. He'll say something that can remotely be construed as his calling me fat, and I'll act all offended towards him and make him feel like he really offended me. And then I tell him I'm just kidding because it's obvious I'm fat. Haha.

But I totally agree... I HATE it when people refuse to use the word fat. Fat is the ONLY word I use to describe myself, so if I'm using it, obviously it's okay for others to use it. I think someone said that it might be offensive to someone who's only 10 or so pounds overweight, but I am WELL past that mark. I'm fat. It's okay if people call me fat. Lol.
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:35 AM   #14
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yeah you are very fat alright
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:01 PM   #15
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and the one I cannot stand in the least:
PHAT. Learn to fucking spell. Acronym or not, it's just dumb as hell.
*goes in for the high five*
good sir, i thank you for that. i had to cease speaking with one of my online friends for overusing the word "phat" in the context of "fat." not that "phat" is even a word to begin with. jeezus.
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:52 PM   #16
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I love the word FAT.

But it occurs to me that if I had a girlfriend, until I found out her stance on that word I would be in danger of having her walk out on me if I were to utter it.

So I must never use the word-- even accidentally-- in public.

Some predicament, eh?
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Old 08-15-2008, 02:00 PM   #17
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I don't mind being called fat by an FA, because I know they don't mean it in a negative way. I actually don't like being called fluffy, curvy, juicy, queen-sized, plush or voluptous. They just seem..um, dumb? I don't know, I just don't like it. Chubby and plus-size are fine but I'd rather just be called fat.

Obviously though, it's different if someone who isn't an FA or fellow fat girl is saying it.
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Old 08-15-2008, 03:32 PM   #18
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I don't mind being called fat by an FA, because I know they don't mean it in a negative way. I actually don't like being called fluffy, curvy, juicy, queen-sized, plush or voluptous. They just seem..um, dumb? I don't know, I just don't like it. Chubby and plus-size are fine but I'd rather just be called fat.

Obviously though, it's different if someone who isn't an FA or fellow fat girl is saying it.
No doubt about it though - you are very fat...
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Old 08-15-2008, 06:28 PM   #19
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No doubt about it though - you are very fat...
Did I mention that I hate when random creeps from the internet call me fat? Oh..that too. :]
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Old 08-15-2008, 07:09 PM   #20
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Yeah it's not a word I find myself using very often. I mean we often reffer to women as BBW rather than FW. I mean if I just came up to you and commented on how fat you look, you'd probably either be insulted, or just plain creeped out. If I were to refer to a woman as fat I'd have to know she is comfortable with her own body and also know that she knows I mean it to be complementary, and not as an insult. Of course if a woman is comfortable enough to talk about her fat I certainly wouldn't try to correct her with colorful euphamisms, unless I just felt she was being too critical of herself, like so many girls who are like "OMG, I'm so fat!!!" and to me I'm thinking "puh-lease, your barely chubby" but yeah, when in doubt it's a word I try not to use, don't want to risk cracking eggshells.
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Old 08-16-2008, 04:39 AM   #21
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Did I mention that I hate when random creeps from the internet call me fat? Oh..that too. :]
So I'm a random creep from the internet?! I thought you liked being called fat... What do you expect to be called by people from the internet that don't know you? Thin?!!
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Old 08-16-2008, 04:48 AM   #22
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I don't avoid the word but I also use the alternatives. Like T_Devil it's the girl I admire and fat is a descriptive. However, if I'm talking with someone that doesn't know my preference, I'll usually say something like "l like bigger girls". I also try to avoid the word if it could be taken as a negative.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:28 AM   #23
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So I'm a random creep from the internet?! I thought you liked being called fat... What do you expect to be called by people from the internet that don't know you? Thin?!!
Why call her anything? Calling people things is one of the main sources of discrimination.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:33 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.

A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.

I don't think refering to myself as fat *IS* putting myself down. I actually find myself feeling more offended when I'm told I'm *not* fat. It's like why would I lie about something so bloody obvious and do they think I'm so stupid that I'm suddenly going to say 'oh hang on wait, I've been totally wrong I'm not actually fat. woohoo!?'

Anyways, sorry for the little rant. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Reluctance to use the term fat may be indicative of the FA's lack of comfort with his own sexuality, as in it isn't 'as bad' to be into chunky women as FAT women. Also, some FAs may reserve the term fat for the larger women so if you are a smaller BBW they just consider you chunky/chubby, not truly fat.

In the case of using the term around those who are not into fat acceptance, this is too fraught with potential for misintepretation. If I refer to my wife as fat around casual acquaintances or coworkers, I may be perceived as an insensitive ass. I tend to use the word heavy in this case since it is similarly descriptive as fat but I don't feel carries the same level of stigma.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:34 AM   #25
Jon Blaze
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I decided when the Dr. Keith Ablow show that my use of the that term in regards to a person is subjective. Fat/Size Acceptance/Admiration are making leaps and bounds, but even if the world suddenly did a flip-flop (Or everything got somewhere in the middle i.e. thin and fat together in ads, commercials, swimsuits *Whistles* , basically all the media and messages we get were at least somewhat positive), I can't know what type of body image a person has, nor can I know which way they go with it.

I've met a lot of women that I might consider fat or not, and my notions don't align with their notions about who they are. I never really got caught up in a huge mess about it, but I knew I didn't want to risk it ever reaching that level. Therefore, I ask one what there perception of the term is before I just say yes or no. That's just how it goes with me. I don't avoid the term fat: I just don't know what it means to everyone.
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