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Old 08-20-2008, 02:53 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by Canadian View Post
I avoid it.

You have to remember that the average girl who posts on here is not the average "fat girl" in the real world. A lot of girls are not comfortable with the word, and a lot of girls have pretty shaky self-confidence to begin with.

The last thing a girl needs is for me to start throwing hatchets at their confidence by calling them something they are not comfortable with, and probably holds negative connotations for them.
I don't see how that would help anything.

If I knew a girl was okay with it, cool.
But if I don't know that, she's certainly not going to hear it from me.

So, I am trying to imagine the conversation where you would be describing a womans body...to her. I mean, if she asks " am I fat? ", do you use some of other word? Do you lie? I think answering honestly would be the way to go...to use the word. You might think that would be throwing hatchets, but, trust me, most women who are fat know it and being coy with words can also really fuck with a persons esteem. She might hate the word fat, but she also might despise that you are being what she might think is patronizing, like, " I know I am fat, but you refuse to use the word, even though I hate it. It must be a really bad thing to be if you won't even use a simple descriptive word ". If it is done in a very matter of fact manner...eh...it's gotta be done at some point..ya know?

Trust me, there is more than one way to fuck with a persons confidence...sooooo..in this situation...be honest..and stress that fat is a valid word with absolutely no negative energy. While the basic idea of wanting to protect a person is very nice...at the end of the day, you are not abusing them and you are actually showing them...and you...that you value the both of you....lots of you's there...heh.

I don't see how this situation would come up that often, at least not in terms of a one on one situation with someone you are dating.
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:04 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Canadian View Post
I avoid it.

You have to remember that the average girl who posts on here is not the average "fat girl" in the real world. A lot of girls are not comfortable with the word, and a lot of girls have pretty shaky self-confidence to begin with.

The last thing a girl needs is for me to start throwing hatchets at their confidence by calling them something they are not comfortable with, and probably holds negative connotations for them.
I don't see how that would help anything.

If I knew a girl was okay with it, cool.
But if I don't know that, she's certainly not going to hear it from me.
I agree. I think it is not necessary to use that word. I think that some women's confidence is not rock solid in this regard, and that being sensitive to that is important.
If a women likes being called that ok, If not it is probably best to avoid it and focus on other positive terms.
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:17 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I've been around this place for all of my adult life (and most of my teen life) and I've come across many different types of people who are into fat.

A common theme I find recurring is that a lot of FA don't/won't use the word fat. In my time I've been told I'm not fat I'm; juicy, fluffy, chubby, big, plus sized, curvy ect. Also, when I've said 'Actually I'm fat' I've been told not to 'put myself down by refering to myself that way'.

I don't think refering to myself as fat *IS* putting myself down. I actually find myself feeling more offended when I'm told I'm *not* fat. It's like why would I lie about something so bloody obvious and do they think I'm so stupid that I'm suddenly going to say 'oh hang on wait, I've been totally wrong I'm not actually fat. woohoo!?'

Anyways, sorry for the little rant. What are your thoughts on the matter?
Oh my god! COULD.NOT.HAVE.SAID.IT.BETTER.MYSELF!!!! I hate that, when you say "yeh Im fat" and they're like "awwww dont say that no your not, dont be hard on yourself" and im like "wtf, im fat. Im happy that way!" lol
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:22 PM   #54
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I agree. I think it is not necessary to use that word. I think that some women's confidence is not rock solid in this regard, and that being sensitive to that is important.
If a women likes being called that ok, If not it is probably best to avoid it and focus on other positive terms.
Yeah, I agree. Before Dims, I wouldn't like some guy some blurting out how "fat" I am...... no matter what I weigh.

I still wouldn't like a stranger to do it now--- unless I said it's okay. It's only "acceptable" to me in the form of Dims people because I KNOW how the rest of the world sees it. It is best to tread softly.....there are plenty of words....words with nicer uses...that can be used instead.
And I realize that if a person chooses to use those other words instead, they are trying to be conscious of my feelings......anyone else could be seen as a jerk.
Just how I could see it........and anyone else for that matter.
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:28 PM   #55
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Wouldn't a person who feels a need to blurt out.." gee, you are fat ", be just a creepy person? I suppose I do not get how people are experiencing this. If someone says " gee, you are skinny "..that also sounds like a garden variety asshat. Again, I guess I don't run into the kind of people who go around blurting out stuff like this. Is it a regional thing?
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:30 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Yeah, I agree. Before Dims, I wouldn't like some guy some blurting out how "fat" I am...... no matter what I weigh.

I still wouldn't like a stranger to do it now--- unless I said it's okay. It's only "acceptable" to me in the form of Dims people because I KNOW how the rest of the world sees it. It is best to tread softly.....there are plenty of words....words with nicer uses...that can be used instead.
And I realize that if a person chooses to use those other words instead, they are trying to be conscious of my feelings......anyone else could be seen as a jerk.
Just how I could see it........and anyone else for that matter.
Agreed and agreed.

All the times I have been called fat it has been as a put down or a flat out term of abuse by a stranger, so I personally do not have a lot of affection for it.
However if a friend and I were laughing and having a joke and the term was used it would be acceptable. Same goes for Dims people, as you said.
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:38 PM   #57
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Wouldn't a person who feels a need to blurt out.." gee, you are fat ", be just a creepy person? I suppose I do not get how people are experiencing this. If someone says " gee, you are skinny "..that also sounds like a garden variety asshat. Again, I guess I don't run into the kind of people who go around blurting out stuff like this. Is it a regional thing?
It must be a regional thing.......because it's happened to me......and others...more than once

Oh, and a man I am dating, one that is obviously trying to do the deed with me, describing my body as anything other than "sexy", "smoking hot", "stunning" or "beautiful" would be in the doghouse anyway
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Old 08-20-2008, 03:43 PM   #58
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So, I am trying to imagine the conversation where you would be describing a womans body...to her. I mean, if she asks " am I fat? ", do you use some of other word? Do you lie?
I'm trying to imagine the conversation where the woman asks if she is fat. Haven't they realized by now that is the most trapping question they can ask someone who is attracted to them? Outside the context of Dimensions, that is.
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Old 08-20-2008, 04:10 PM   #59
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I'm totally with you on this one Shosh....

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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
I agree. I think it is not necessary to use that word. I think that some women's confidence is not rock solid in this regard, and that being sensitive to that is important.
If a women likes being called that ok, If not it is probably best to avoid it and focus on other positive terms.
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Old 08-20-2008, 04:11 PM   #60
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I totally agree....


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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
Yeah, I agree. Before Dims, I wouldn't like some guy some blurting out how "fat" I am...... no matter what I weigh.

I still wouldn't like a stranger to do it now--- unless I said it's okay. It's only "acceptable" to me in the form of Dims people because I KNOW how the rest of the world sees it. It is best to tread softly.....there are plenty of words....words with nicer uses...that can be used instead.
And I realize that if a person chooses to use those other words instead, they are trying to be conscious of my feelings......anyone else could be seen as a jerk.
Just how I could see it........and anyone else for that matter.
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Old 08-20-2008, 04:12 PM   #61
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Yes yes yes.... totally

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Originally Posted by Susannah View Post
Agreed and agreed.

All the times I have been called fat it has been as a put down or a flat out term of abuse by a stranger, so I personally do not have a lot of affection for it.
However if a friend and I were laughing and having a joke and the term was used it would be acceptable. Same goes for Dims people, as you said.
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Old 08-20-2008, 04:13 PM   #62
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I was thinking that too... I would never say "am I fat?" I just wouldn't. No need to embarass yourself as well as the man you're with!


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I'm trying to imagine the conversation where the woman asks if she is fat. Haven't they realized by now that is the most trapping question they can ask someone who is attracted to them? Outside the context of Dimensions, that is.
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Old 08-20-2008, 07:19 PM   #63
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As I read the rest of the responses in this thread I couldn't help but to think of the word "nigger". I'm starting to see how similarly powerful both these words are and I don't like it.

The history of the word "nigger" is long and sordid, I need not explain why it might make some of us uncomfortable to hear it. It goes without saying that if you are black and you use it among other blacks even in a benign way that some would cringe and others would think nothing of it. I'd never let someone who isn't black refer to me as a nigger, but I'd allow some leeway for people I know because I know it would be used in a benign way as in "niggah please," or "check out this niggah ovah here." However, as benign as this usage may be, this word will never be generally acceptable in the world at large obviously. The only thing blacks can do with this word is debate whether or not we should ban it outright or find a way to embrace it and it seems to me that both options are unnacceptable somehow, and so we live with it and life goes on.

But the word "fat"....why are we giving it so much power to hurt us? Why? Why make it okay to hear it from some but not from others, especially when there are worse words to use to describe us? A doctor (or any supposed authority figure) who uses the word "obese" or "overweight" infuses the word with negative connotations before it's even uttered - always, yet we seem to worry more about the use of the word "fat." There's something wrong with that.

The only way to overcome one's personal history with the word fat, if it has been negative, is to start using it in a positive way. It is still possible for the word "fat" to cease to be dangerous. Not so for "nigger", and yet....
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:52 PM   #64
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Yeah, I'm fat. Fat fat fat fat FAT.


It's just a word to me.
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Old 08-20-2008, 11:33 PM   #65
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So, I am trying to imagine the conversation where you would be describing a womans body...to her. I mean, if she asks " am I fat? ", do you use some of other word? Do you lie? I think answering honestly would be the way to go...to use the word. You might think that would be throwing hatchets, but, trust me, most women who are fat know it and being coy with words can also really fuck with a persons esteem. She might hate the word fat, but she also might despise that you are being what she might think is patronizing, like, " I know I am fat, but you refuse to use the word, even though I hate it. It must be a really bad thing to be if you won't even use a simple descriptive word ". If it is done in a very matter of fact manner...eh...it's gotta be done at some point..ya know?

Trust me, there is more than one way to fuck with a persons confidence...sooooo..in this situation...be honest..and stress that fat is a valid word with absolutely no negative energy. While the basic idea of wanting to protect a person is very nice...at the end of the day, you are not abusing them and you are actually showing them...and you...that you value the both of you....lots of you's there...heh.

I don't see how this situation would come up that often, at least not in terms of a one on one situation with someone you are dating.
I'll give you a situation that has come up several times. I'm intimate with a girl for the first time. Maybe she's a big girl, maybe she's just a little bigger than average. I tell her I think she's very attractive. She rejects the compliment.

At this point, I could say:

a)No, I really do think you are attractive, I have a thing for fat girls.

b)No, I really do think you are attractive. I have a thing for girls with a lot of curves. Trust me, I think you're fackin' ridiculously hot. You're exactly my type.

One of those options is going to make a lot of girls feel very uncomfortable, while the other is pretty much guaranteed to go over well.
I'll play it safe and just take the points on the board, thanks.
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:06 AM   #66
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Well said.

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One of those options is going to make a lot of girls feel very uncomfortable, while the other is pretty much guaranteed to go over well.
I'll play it safe and just take the points on the board, thanks.
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Old 08-21-2008, 05:32 AM   #67
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EXACTLY!!! Seriously... this is so true.

We can't all assume that EVERYONE is okay with the word FAT. Some people are, some people are not. We can't condemn the people that are not. It's how they feel!! People are allowed to feel how they want! If they don't like the word, then... they don't!! Simple as that.

To me... better to play the situation safely, until you know the person's feelings on the word. As Canadian has shown here.

FYI: I HATE the word FAT. HATE IT. Regardless of what everyone says, it has a negative connotation, and will for a long, long time. It's unfortunate, but it's a fact. You are all right, it's just a word, but it is what it is. Do I have people that use it with me? Yes. I tolerate it. Period. It doesn't mean that I have to love it. If someone else chooses to love it, more power to you. It's my CHOICE not to.


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I'll give you a situation that has come up several times. I'm intimate with a girl for the first time. Maybe she's a big girl, maybe she's just a little bigger than average. I tell her I think she's very attractive. She rejects the compliment.

At this point, I could say:

a)No, I really do think you are attractive, I have a thing for fat girls.

b)No, I really do think you are attractive. I have a thing for girls with a lot of curves. Trust me, I think you're fackin' ridiculously hot. You're exactly my type.

One of those options is going to make a lot of girls feel very uncomfortable, while the other is pretty much guaranteed to go over well.
I'll play it safe and just take the points on the board, thanks.
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:38 AM   #68
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erm..well i think that for the enlightened dimmers the word "fat" has been reclaimed to some degree..though even the reclaimation has guidelines it seems.."its ok to call me fat when" "its ok for so an so to call me fat"..
i would NEVER call my girlfriend fat! Because she hasnt reclaimed the word and its still really negative to her..though i would never patronise her by saying "aww your not fat" when shes moaning about how fat she is..
i think the closest ive come to trying to instill some positivity into the word fat is when she says things like "i'm so fat" and i reply "fat and hot.. yup..totally" .. i'm hoping that someday the words fat and hot will become sunonomous to her.. but i'm not holding my breath..
right.. its just a word. But words are powerful and have the power to hurt people and make them sad.. so if people are uncomfortable with the word fat then i dont see why we need to force it down thier throats..
"i shall describe you as fat whether you like it or not!!".. its just mental really..
i dont really see how you would need to anyway..
i think the only time i would say someone is fat is if someone asks me to describe someone and i might say .."oh she is the fat chick with the one tooth" or "oh hes the kinna fat guy who wears the monocle" etc..
aye...
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:41 AM   #69
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aye.. and whats wrong with "curvy" ??!! i like that word..
i also LOVE "vuluptuous".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.


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Old 08-21-2008, 10:47 AM   #70
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Default Good comparison, actually ....

I think the "long term solution" is the same, for both words, too. Until the vast majority of people reach a point where they won't let the word affect them in a negative/reactionary way, it will continue to have "power" artificially prescribed to it.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I got the idea that blacks using "nigger" to refer to each other was part of the whole attempt to strip the word of its "power" and ability to offend? Seems like a good strategy too, *except* it won't fully succeed until they're just as willing to shrug off being called the same word by another race.

This is much like the "curse words" in our language. There was a time, not THAT long ago, where uttering "damn" or saying "Oh hell!" was considered a really "bad" thing. You certainly wouldn't consider using such language on the public airwaves (radio or TV). Since then, the popular use of the words has chipped away at their ability to offend or shock ... and now, you'll hear them used in the media on a fairly regular basis. We have other "swear words" we seem to hold as being "more offensive" than those two (likely because those 2 have more religious connotations than the rest of them, and on the whole, our society is a little less governed by our religion?). But this shows how language evolves over time.....


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Originally Posted by olwen View Post
As I read the rest of the responses in this thread I couldn't help but to think of the word "nigger". I'm starting to see how similarly powerful both these words are and I don't like it.

The history of the word "nigger" is long and sordid, I need not explain why it might make some of us uncomfortable to hear it. It goes without saying that if you are black and you use it among other blacks even in a benign way that some would cringe and others would think nothing of it. I'd never let someone who isn't black refer to me as a nigger, but I'd allow some leeway for people I know because I know it would be used in a benign way as in "niggah please," or "check out this niggah ovah here." However, as benign as this usage may be, this word will never be generally acceptable in the world at large obviously. The only thing blacks can do with this word is debate whether or not we should ban it outright or find a way to embrace it and it seems to me that both options are unnacceptable somehow, and so we live with it and life goes on.

But the word "fat"....why are we giving it so much power to hurt us? Why? Why make it okay to hear it from some but not from others, especially when there are worse words to use to describe us? A doctor (or any supposed authority figure) who uses the word "obese" or "overweight" infuses the word with negative connotations before it's even uttered - always, yet we seem to worry more about the use of the word "fat." There's something wrong with that.

The only way to overcome one's personal history with the word fat, if it has been negative, is to start using it in a positive way. It is still possible for the word "fat" to cease to be dangerous. Not so for "nigger", and yet....
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:51 AM   #71
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i also LOVE "vuluptuous".. its possibly my favorite word..its so plump and juicy sounding and onomatapoyic or however thats spelled.
It even looks curvy
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:52 AM   #72
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hmm.. like "cunt"! iove that word.. but i said it to someone the other day and they put thier fingers in thier ears and started going "lalalalalala"!!??
now thats one powerful word!
much better than "vagina" which is latin for sword sheath..
or "pussy" which sounds porny..
or all the other words that sound like fluffy bunnies..
anyway i digress..
although..i did hear someone being called a "fat cunt" the other day..!
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:54 AM   #73
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Originally Posted by edx View Post
It even looks curvy
i know!! its fab!! what a beautiful word! erm i actually didnt mean the word "cunt"looked curvy...i ment it was powerful.. but i posted just a wee bit too late..
a voluptous cunt! fab!
erm "lalalalalalala"
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:54 AM   #74
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I vaguely recall my wife reading to me from some novel....I think it might have been Lady Chatterly's Lover, but I'm not sure, with someone railing against the suppresion of 'good, natural, clear anglo-saxon words for bodily things' and their replacement with latin or greek euphamisms. It is weird the decisions we make, as a whole people.
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Old 08-21-2008, 11:21 AM   #75
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I would not ' force ' the word down a persons throat...I will also not trip all over myself to not use the word and feel like an ogre if the word passes my lips. If someone who is fat were to ask if they are fat ..and I know they don't like the word..I am going to use it, and say it with other words..and a smile ...and my eyes filled with the positive. If they got really upset, then I would not use the word..but..I would also not continue the conversation. If I am with a person who does not like the word and for whatever reason the conversation turns to ' weighty matters '...it is as much their responsibility to know how I am and not get into such conversations if they cannot tolerate The Word.

I get that there is personal pain, and it pains me that people have been beaten over the head with these potent four letters. I just know how I communicate with a person who is upset..and I know how I handle myself. I think there might be an image of all the ' pro ' camp yelling in a persons face...FATFATFATFAT...take THAT. There seems to be a misunderstanding .
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