Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > BHM/FFA



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-08-2017, 04:49 AM   #1
agouderia
Library Girl
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,035
agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!agouderia keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default Revisiting ... the FFA guilt issue

We've discussed this topic here and there over the years, but I haven't found any thread with a focus on this question in the past 5 years, so maybe a fresh start.

The day before yesterday I had one of these aha-moments.
I did some errands by bike, ending at the supermarket - where I locked the bike at the half-concealed bike stand, from where I can easily overlook the remote side of the parking lot.

There I saw him - a SSBHM who had just finished loading his car and was now struggling to re-adjust his pants. It was utterly fascinating for me to watch: He was very broad, long torso, but with an over-proportionally large, wonderfully blubbery belly.

Because the belly was so broad, long and deep, he couldn't fully reach his waistband with the belt. He had the belt pulled, but struggled to get to the buckle to fasten it. So he'd grab under his belly that quivered like crazy, wildly jiggling fat overflowing his arms to try and fasten the buckle some notches tighter. And didn't succeed, the wobbling gut bouncing downwards heavily as he ended one attempt.
This spectacle continued for about 6-7 attempts, until he have up, held the pants with his hands as he got into the car.

There wasn't the issue of being invasive or staring, as he couldn't see me from where I was standing, observing him sideways.

Nevertheless, I felt incredibly guilty in that moment, that I was watching him struggle, actually enjoying having all my fetish buttons pushed.

Admittedly this comes in a time where I find coming to Dims more and more depressing - look at the many obituaries we've had here lately. Almost all of supersize women and men, all at an age where death should not yet be on the agenda.

This has been increasingly rummaging through my mind, that there mostly likely only is health up to a certain size - and that those of us to take pleasure in extremer size might contribute to harming or enabling self-harm of others.
Not a new observation or doubt, but one which for me has been blaring pretty loudly of late.
agouderia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 08:02 AM   #2
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by agouderia View Post

This has been increasingly rummaging through my mind, that there mostly likely only is health up to a certain size - and that those of us to take pleasure in extremer size might contribute to harming or enabling self-harm of others.
Not a new observation or doubt, but one which for me has been blaring pretty loudly of late.
I think the question has to be, "Am I knowingly contributing to the harm of others?" Simply feeling or expressing admiration or affection for another person is not directly harmful to him or her. As long as you don't encourage that person --directly pr indirectly -- to do something you believe will be detrimental to his/her welfare, there is no cause for guilt.: you're not responsible for the actions of another. But you -- and I, and every other moral agent -- are responsible to others for the way we behave.

Let me draw a parallel. In Thailand, Buddhist monks are allowed to eat one meal a day, for which they beg. They go through town with an empty bowl, and householders contribute whatever food they can spare by putting it in the bowl. The monks have taken a vow not to kill or encourage others to kill, but they are allowed to eat meat -- provided that the animal was not killed especially for them. Guilt is incurred by encouraging another to do something harmful solely for one's own benefit. My 2 cents, anyway.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 09:47 AM   #3
loopytheone
Administrator
 
loopytheone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Robinhoodland
Posts: 3,349
loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

This is something I've wrestled with a lot myself, not gonna lie. Especially as my ex and his mum were super sized and also in poor health (I believe his mum was in her late 50s when she died).

I have a similar issue with my current partner; my FA instincts are constantly wanting me to fatten him up, but at the same time he has health issues that would be made worse by that and so doesn't want to. I've learnt to separate my feelings from any logical decisions, making sure that although he knows I would find it incredibly hot in theory, in practise, his sadness and ill health would more than outweigh that so it isn't something I actually want in reality. At the same time, you can't help what you feel and feelings don't have to be reasonable or logical. But like Dr.Feelgood said, you can control your actions.

I still feel guilty a lot, all that said. One of the reasons I always look for an FA partner is because then I know they understand first hand how I feel and what I mean. They are going to find their own struggles hot as well as frustrating and that makes it a lot more bearable/enjoyable for me to watch.
loopytheone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 11:53 AM   #4
AmyJo1976
Corpulently Content
 
AmyJo1976's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,878
AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
I still feel guilty a lot, all that said. One of the reasons I always look for an FA partner is because then I know they understand first hand how I feel and what I mean. They are going to find their own struggles hot as well as frustrating and that makes it a lot more bearable/enjoyable for me to watch.
But that scenario is going to cause you to have to fatten up yourself lil miss (not a bad thing).
AmyJo1976 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 11:56 AM   #5
loopytheone
Administrator
 
loopytheone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Robinhoodland
Posts: 3,349
loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyJo1976 View Post
But that scenario is going to cause you to have to fatten up yourself lil miss (not a bad thing).
I've gained nearly 30 lbs in the year and a half we've been together, yeah!
loopytheone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 12:01 PM   #6
AmyJo1976
Corpulently Content
 
AmyJo1976's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,878
AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!AmyJo1976 has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by loopytheone View Post
I've gained nearly 30 lbs in the year and a half we've been together, yeah!
Sounds amazing! enjoy girl!
AmyJo1976 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 01:07 PM   #7
ODFFA
Ainsi sera...
 
ODFFA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The country below Nambia
Posts: 1,277
ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I'm editing out my previous comment because, in hindsight, it was probably too laden with shame, mostly towards myself. I especially don't want to cause unintentional shame-by-association for any of the gorgeous BHMs / BBWs here.

Poor emotional judgement on my part, sorry guys. It's not been easy to keep things in check online since I have to repress so much IRL. (With my family & friends, not with Mr S. He knows me inside out and I've never known such support )

For better or worse, my brain will have FFA inclinations 'til the day I die. All I can do is enjoy that as responsibly as possible and take each day as it comes.
__________________
...Groigne qui groigne.
ODFFA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2017, 10:53 AM   #8
dwesterny
Unpleasantly Plump
 
dwesterny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: BuffaLOL
Posts: 1,689
dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Have to agree with feelgood. If you're enjoying someone as they naturally are without interceding there is nothing really wrong there. I'm an adult capable of choosing how I want to live my life and aware of the consequences to my decisions. What I found more troubling is a few FFAs I know into guys my size (500s) who start dating someone in the 300 range who never heard of FFAs, the guy is thrilled to be dating someone he used to think out of his league, never interacted with a woman interested in his body type in his life and lo and behold the guy "wants" to gain weight to get to the womans preferred size for a guy. I know more than one woman in this type of relationship and I find it morally questionable. Even if they're not directly telling him they want him to gain to 500 lbs you can tell they've made it clear to them they would be happier if he were even fatter. That's the kind of situation where you have to worry about the power dynamic in the relationship (fat guy desperate to hold on to that woman who is out of his league).
__________________
Send me dead flowers every morning, send me dead flowers by the mail.
dwesterny is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2017, 11:48 AM   #9
loopytheone
Administrator
 
loopytheone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Robinhoodland
Posts: 3,349
loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.loopytheone has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dwesterny View Post
Have to agree with feelgood. If you're enjoying someone as they naturally are without interceding there is nothing really wrong there. I'm an adult capable of choosing how I want to live my life and aware of the consequences to my decisions. What I found more troubling is a few FFAs I know into guys my size (500s) who start dating someone in the 300 range who never heard of FFAs, the guy is thrilled to be dating someone he used to think out of his league, never interacted with a woman interested in his body type in his life and lo and behold the guy "wants" to gain weight to get to the womans preferred size for a guy. I know more than one woman in this type of relationship and I find it morally questionable. Even if they're not directly telling him they want him to gain to 500 lbs you can tell they've made it clear to them they would be happier if he were even fatter. That's the kind of situation where you have to worry about the power dynamic in the relationship (fat guy desperate to hold on to that woman who is out of his league).
This pretty much sums up my relationship with my ex, tbh. I tried so, so hard to make him understand that I wasn't out of his league and he didn't need to do anything to 'get' or keep me but it never seemed to get through to him. It's honestly one of the main things that broke the relationship apart in the end. It's seems to be a variation on the classic behaviour of an insecure person doing anything to please their partner and I think it is something the guy has to work on on his own before really being ready for a long term relationship.

For the record, though I'm one of the FFA that loves guys your size Dwes, I'm currently with somebody that is only about 250 lbs and he's perfect as he is. And thankfully secure enough in himself to know that he doesn't have to double in size to be good enough for me. (He has 0 interests in gaining weight and that is absolutely fine by me).
loopytheone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2017, 02:39 PM   #10
Anjula
miss wonderfulamazing
 
Anjula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Poland
Posts: 1,030
Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I always felt weird about supersize guys. I could never ever get serious with someone over 350 because of the health issue. My bf is just 250, 32% body fat and I’m stressing over like hell. There is a guy in my life I’ve loved for almost a decade and he knows perfectly well that my biggest issue is his 500lbs+ body. So I kinda blocked guys that big from my sexuality. I used to love supersized guys but somehow the fear of them dying made it really creepy and unappealing so these days my idea of supersize is no bigger than 350.

The worst thing about it all is when you’re an fa and the fat is a turn on the fat person doesn’t feel the pressure/need to lose weight so he’s really just getting bigger and you’re torn between your treacherous pussy and your worries about his weight
__________________
www.biijacz.tumblr.com
Anjula is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2017, 03:02 PM   #11
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,417
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I think most relationships can build some degree of guilt. Did they put her career on the backburner to let me focus on mine? My libido doesn't match my partners, would they be happier with a better match? I spend more time with friends than they do, am I being neglectful? They used to do more sports, is spending more time with me making them less healthy than they would be otherwise? I'm not as turned on by my partner as I feel I should be, is our sex life worse than it could be if I could just make myself be more turned on by them? Etc.

Not trying to question the particular guilt that can come from being an FA, or that FFA may feel it more and/or differently than do male FA. Just pointing out that being a good human being (but not being a perfect saint) always comes with its share of guilt.
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2017, 04:06 PM   #12
dwesterny
Unpleasantly Plump
 
dwesterny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: BuffaLOL
Posts: 1,689
dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anjula View Post
I always felt weird about supersize guys. I could never ever get serious with someone over 350 because of the health issue. My bf is just 250, 32% body fat and I’m stressing over like hell. There is a guy in my life I’ve loved for almost a decade and he knows perfectly well that my biggest issue is his 500lbs+ body. So I kinda blocked guys that big from my sexuality. I used to love supersized guys but somehow the fear of them dying made it really creepy and unappealing so these days my idea of supersize is no bigger than 350.

The worst thing about it all is when you’re an fa and the fat is a turn on the fat person doesn’t feel the pressure/need to lose weight so he’s really just getting bigger and you’re torn between your treacherous pussy and your worries about his weight
If you're that stressed about someone 250 you might have a level of concern that isn't precisely rational. Also I'm not thrilled with you calling attraction to people my size "creepy".
__________________
Send me dead flowers every morning, send me dead flowers by the mail.
dwesterny is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-13-2017, 08:52 PM   #13
ODFFA
Ainsi sera...
 
ODFFA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The country below Nambia
Posts: 1,277
ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dwesterny View Post
If you're that stressed about someone 250 you might have a level of concern that isn't precisely rational. Also I'm not thrilled with you calling attraction to people my size "creepy".
I have seen (F)FAs be called horrible things for their attraction even to smaller-sized people. It's hard not to internalise that sometimes. My ex once called me an advocate of heart attacks or something. I didn't register the exact phrase, I was so shocked. And he himself used to be a BHM.

I've often had the fear at the back of my mind that my future partner would one day come to resent my attraction, even if he embraced it at first. BHMs understandably internalise a lot of the shit they get for their size, too. So I think people who are as open & accepting of it as you are, are somewhat rare. And people who enjoy their size (especially sexually) are even rarer. It's just complicated territory all around. Not just in (F)FA circles, as Tad rightly pointed out.

I don't think Ajula necessarily meant to insult people of your size. She is attracted to them after all. But that was the effect, despite her intentions, and I can see how it would've stung. We're just trying to harmoniously reconcile our love for your bodies with our love for you as people, and it's not always smooth sailing.
__________________
...Groigne qui groigne.
ODFFA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-14-2017, 06:10 PM   #14
fuelingfire
 
fuelingfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 382
fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I am very aware of the FA guilt. From my healthcare knowledge and coming from friends/family that exercise daily. It’s not the happiest thing to think about, but it’s in the back of my mind.

I am really generalizing here. Rationalizing often feels like a balancing act.

Despite only wanting to have a fat partner, I am always supportive if my partner (and with past partners) wants to take efforts to be healthier. Which usually means attempting weight loss. Largely due to the guilt I would have.

Losing weight in general is very difficult, and requires constant effort. People who achieve it, want to lose weight badly. Trying to get someone to lose weight who doesn’t want to, is mostly a waste of time. Sort of like trying to get an addict to quit who doesn’t want to. At the same time I am complicit by not slapping junk food out of her hands, but if I wasn’t around she would still be eating the junk food.

I don’t have an ideal size for a partner. I always wonder how some people can do see an exact size as their limit. However, if there are serious mobility issues or health issues, that is where there is a clearer line of where my high end cut off is.
__________________
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit. Aristotle
fuelingfire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 05:18 AM   #15
Anjula
miss wonderfulamazing
 
Anjula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Poland
Posts: 1,030
Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Anjula has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dwesterny View Post
If you're that stressed about someone 250 you might have a level of concern that isn't precisely rational. Also I'm not thrilled with you calling attraction to people my size "creepy".
I never said it’s creepy, I’ve said it made it creepy to ME. In a way that I’m worried youre gonna die at 30 because you’re not gonna do anything about your weight because you know it turns me on. I’m not sure you can understand that. I’ve dated guys your size Dwest. Darien is my ultimate BAE and he’s probably bigger than you.if you ask him he’ll tell you I nag him all the time about exercising and eating healthy because I love him and I want him to have a long a healthy life. At the same time i droll over him sexy body because he’s a gorgeous SSBHM. I AM attracted to people your size. I am just so paranoid I can’t date them without making their and mine life hell full of diets and guilt. So don’t take it personal. You’re a hottie but I don’t treat people like pieces of meat. I am sorry if I’ve sounded offensive. Didn’t mean that. You can dump it on English not being my first language try voicing your opinion about such a delicate topic in polish hehehe

And yes I am that stressed about someone who weights 250 because I know a lot about medicine and health. My uni course covers a lot of med, my professors are doctors, I listen daily about heart diseases, cancers and other horrible things and I am exposed to a great deal of data that clearly shows that obesity is linked with a lot of that. I know it’s more complicated than that and it’s mostly about the food you eat but I am the type of person that worries a lot. So I worry about someone who I care about.
__________________
www.biijacz.tumblr.com
Anjula is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 06:16 AM   #16
Tad
mostly harmless
 
Tad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 12,417
Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.Tad has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

A thought for Anjula in particular, but also for everyone on the guilt front. Think too about the cost of the concern.

As analogies, in statistics you can take measures with your analysis to reduce your chance of getting a false positive result ... but this increases your chance of a false-negative. In business you have to consider the return you might earn on an investment, but also the 'opportunity cost' of everything you can't do with that money while it is tied up.

I don't have a phrase for it, but there is something similar in relationships (and even in our own lives). When you put a lot of focus in one area -- no matter how worthy and worthwhile it may be -- it means you don't have as much time and energy for other areas, and in more extreme cases it can stop you from enjoying those other parts of life.
- Financial security is great, but if you spend all your time and energy on making money, or if you refuse to spend on anything not completely essential, you miss out on a lot of chances to enjoy yourself.
- Being able to trust your partner is important, but if you put too much time into monitoring them and getting them to avoid situations where you feel worried about trusting them you both miss a chance at enjoying things and can make them feel untrusted.
-Health and a long life together are obviously important, but so is the quality of life that you have together.
- Pushing your kids to do well in school is good, but taken too far you risk them feeling that nothing they do is good enough, and risk them losing sight of what else interests them and brings them joy.
- In general doing the 'right thing' is great, but in trying to do so you can miss a lot of decent things or even miss the opportunity to do the right thing altogether.

Of course, all of this can be a lot harder to moderate if you are prone to anxiety. But it doesn't take a clinical case of anxiety for people to take any one area to what is arguably too far.
__________________
Criticism is so often nothing more than the eye garrulously denouncing the shape of the peephole that gives access to hidden treasure.
-Djuna Barnes, writer and artist
Tad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 06:48 AM   #17
ODFFA
Ainsi sera...
 
ODFFA's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: The country below Nambia
Posts: 1,277
ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!ODFFA keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tad View Post
A thought for Anjula in particular, but also for everyone on the guilt front. Think too about the cost of the concern.

As analogies, in statistics you can take measures with your analysis to reduce your chance of getting a false positive result ... but this increases your chance of a false-negative. In business you have to consider the return you might earn on an investment, but also the 'opportunity cost' of everything you can't do with that money while it is tied up.

I don't have a phrase for it, but there is something similar in relationships (and even in our own lives). When you put a lot of focus in one area -- no matter how worthy and worthwhile it may be -- it means you don't have as much time and energy for other areas, and in more extreme cases it can stop you from enjoying those other parts of life.
- Financial security is great, but if you spend all your time and energy on making money, or if you refuse to spend on anything not completely essential, you miss out on a lot of chances to enjoy yourself.
- Being able to trust your partner is important, but if you put too much time into monitoring them and getting them to avoid situations where you feel worried about trusting them you both miss a chance at enjoying things and can make them feel untrusted.
-Health and a long life together are obviously important, but so is the quality of life that you have together.
- Pushing your kids to do well in school is good, but taken too far you risk them feeling that nothing they do is good enough, and risk them losing site of what else interests them and brings them joy.
- In general doing the 'right thing' is great, but in trying to do so you can miss a lot of decent things or even miss the opportunity to do the right thing altogether.

Of course, all of this can be a lot harder to moderate if you are prone to anxiety. But it doesn't take a clinical case of anxiety for people to take any one area to what is arguably too far.
All out of rep, dammit! You framed this viewpoint perfectly. I've thought about the cost of concern before, but not quite in these terms, and it's very refreshing.

In that vein -- and I don't want to make any empty promises here, buuuut.... I've been considering writing a new BHM/FFA story. I suspect it could help a lot with several of my issues right now if I employ it well. Especially with curbing the guilt. The writing and reading of (F)FA stories can do wonders for that. Surely I'm not the only one who's discovered this.
__________________
...Groigne qui groigne.
ODFFA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 08:09 AM   #18
dwesterny
Unpleasantly Plump
 
dwesterny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: BuffaLOL
Posts: 1,689
dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Again this is where I differentiate actively encouraging weight gain in an already very big person from simply accepting someone as they are. The idea that just by being with them you're somehow complicit in their fatness is bunk. It's fine to say you don't want to date someone over a certain size because the downsides are too much for you. That's a you issue and its your choice. But the idea that simply by giving affection and intimacy you're doing fat person a disservice by validating their lifestyle is narcissism and denies the agency of fat people.
__________________
Send me dead flowers every morning, send me dead flowers by the mail.
dwesterny is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 08:11 AM   #19
BigChaz
His Eggy Roundness
 
BigChaz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Morrisville, NC
Posts: 2,134
BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!BigChaz has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Every donut I've put in my mouth has been on purpose
BigChaz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 08:16 AM   #20
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anjula View Post
Darien is my ultimate BAE and hes probably bigger than you.if you ask him hell tell you I nag him all the time about exercising and eating healthy because I love him and I want him to have a long a healthy life. At the same time i droll over him sexy body because hes a gorgeous SSBHM.
I am the type of person that worries a lot. So I worry about someone who I care about.
Me, too. And, in very subtle ways, our whole culture urges us to do this: we are continually told to think about and plan for the future, to sacrifice today for possible happiness tomorrow. Of course, we have to make some sort of contingency plans, but we can never know what tomorrow will bring: it isn't anything we can control. What we DO have is today, and I urge you to focus -- as much as you can, for a worrier -- on your happiness right now and how good it feels. Don't try to hold on to it or force it to stay, because you can't: just love now and let tomorrow take care of tomorrow. It may go against your nature, but if you "fake it 'til you make it" your outlook will eventually relax a little. It has worked for me, anyway. I wish you happiness.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 10:32 AM   #21
fuelingfire
 
fuelingfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 382
fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!fuelingfire has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dwesterny View Post
The idea that just by being with them you're somehow complicit in their fatness is bunk.
I don't really want to make a huge argument over it, but I see this as a moral grey area. If you have a partner who passes away at an age much younger than normal, and the cause is exacerbated by being some level of obese. It's normal to start pondering, "what if?"

You can argue that person would have been fat anyways, and that's probably true.

My point of view being, I am a weightlifter whose body looks the way it does due to my workouts and what I eat. My tag line, We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit. Aristotle

If you see a potential problem but do nothing to change it or prevent it, you are being complicit. My point still being it's a moral grey area.
__________________
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit. Aristotle
fuelingfire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 11:14 AM   #22
dwesterny
Unpleasantly Plump
 
dwesterny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: BuffaLOL
Posts: 1,689
dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by fuelingfire View Post
I don't really want to make a huge argument over it, but I see this as a moral grey area. If you have a partner who passes away at an age much younger than normal, and the cause is exacerbated by being some level of obese. It's normal to start pondering, "what if?"

You can argue that person would have been fat anyways, and that's probably true.

My point of view being, I am a weightlifter whose body looks the way it does due to my workouts and what I eat. My tag line, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

If you see a potential problem but do nothing to change it or prevent it, you are being complicit. My point still being it's a moral grey area.
I find the idea that if someone dates me and does not try to change who I am they are somehow responsible for or complicit in my lifestyle choices offensive and condescending.
__________________
Send me dead flowers every morning, send me dead flowers by the mail.
dwesterny is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 11:25 AM   #23
Amaranthine
Adamant Anti-Nihilist
 
Amaranthine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 1,437
Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I think there are a few perspectives to sort out here.

1. When it comes to pursuing happiness vs. planning for future problems, there's the selfless aspect and the selfish aspect.

Selfless = "I want this person to live a long life and I don't want to see them deal with unpleasant and/or life-threatening conditions that may come about due to their size."

Selfish = "I am very attached to this person and, knowing the risks that can come along with being overweight, feel anxious knowing that MY time with them might be shortened."

Even if you accept that someone has autonomy over their choices and can be properly responsible for what they do to their body, it's probably not going to help your more self-centered anxiety that you might have a lot less time with someone that you're planning your life around. People often consider smoking a deal breaker--I imagine partially for that reason--and there's not that much conflict because they're not ATTRACTED to smoking. It's a tough situation.

2. I think the moral grayness of the situation can be highlighted by a comparison. Of course, this point will not apply to many people and I don't wish to offend merely by bringing it up. If someone was dating an anorexic or bulimic person, most would find it strange to accept them as they are and not at least suggest seeking treatment. The same could be said for alcoholism or drug addiction. In some cases, it could be said that someone who's overweight has a legitimate eating disorder/food addiction problem. And an FA might feel as if their admiration is justifying the continuation of food as a coping mechanism instead of guiding the person towards healthier habits with food. Sure, someone can say that it's their choice to use food in such ways--but it's still very not socially acceptable to accept that kind of answer when it comes to an anorexic.

That being said...with a little cooking prowess and adventurousness, there are plenty of things an FA could do to promote healthiness without making someone's life less pleasant. Cook wholesome and nutritious but delicious and not really low-calorie meals. Go out walking more. Stretch together naked and have awesome sex after seeing how those rolls can squish in new ways. All small things that can be an enjoyable part of a relationship, but also chip away at sources of anxiety.
__________________
"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."
Amaranthine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 11:38 AM   #24
dwesterny
Unpleasantly Plump
 
dwesterny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: BuffaLOL
Posts: 1,689
dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!dwesterny keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Right, I have no problem with people suggesting exercise or healthier eating. The problem is when someone suggests acting on attraction to very fat people itself somehow is bad for us. Is it better to feel isolated and unworthy of affection? Maybe even being polite to us validates our fatness. Maybe selling me food makes you complicit too.
__________________
Send me dead flowers every morning, send me dead flowers by the mail.
dwesterny is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 11:46 AM   #25
Amaranthine
Adamant Anti-Nihilist
 
Amaranthine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 1,437
Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!Amaranthine keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dwesterny View Post
Right, I have no problem with people suggesting exercise or healthier eating. The problem is when someone suggests acting on attraction to very fat people itself somehow is bad for us. Is the is it better to feel isolated and unworthy of affection?
Depends on the context of the attraction, I think.

I've seen some shady cases where someone who is obviously lonely and miserable gets the attraction of a bunch of FAs online, gets money, feels validated, and gains when they otherwise would never have done so to continue getting that validation. Then there are clear lapses where they hate what they've done and try to go hard in the opposite direction...only to fail and head back to be the internet's fap material. I think those cases are pretty sad.

On the flip side, getting a genuine relationship with a caring FA could help someone deal with the unpleasant mental stuff that causes some of their issues with food. And in that case, they're obviously better off. Feeling loved and accepted often leads to healthier physical and mental habits.
__________________
"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."
Amaranthine is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
THE BUNION - vol. 1, issue 1 The Bunion Main Dimensions Board 65 03-25-2006 10:48 AM
COVER MODEL SEARCH for MALE & FEMALES - January Issue - www.largeincharge.com Raqui The Lounge 2 01-12-2006 02:18 PM
COVER MODEL SEARCH for MALE & FEMALES - January Issue - www.largeincharge.com Raqui Clothing/Fashion 0 01-11-2006 05:37 PM
Rappin about Big Girls & Big Girl Bikers - November Issue - www.largeincharge.com Raqui Main Dimensions Board 0 11-14-2005 07:08 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:46 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.