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Old 09-10-2008, 07:51 AM   #1
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Default Who is this "feedee" of which you speak?

I've recently noticed something. Whenever weight gain and feeding are discussed, all the conversation centers on the feeder and his girlfriend (or, in rare cases, somebody acknowledges that feeders can be girls and can have boyfriends). The positive ones defend the feeder, the negative ones attack this abusive brain-washer for not accepting their SO the way they are.

The point is, all of these perspectives seem to act more or less as if feedees didn't exist. They go with the default assumption that the feeder has hooked up with a BBW or BHM who may be a foodee but certainly wouldn't have any active desire to gain weight where it not for their outside intervention.

I find this rather perplexing. I mean, no wonder so many descriptions of feederism (even the name is biased, I perfer the term "feedism") tend to be a bit one-sided, and so many people see feeders as a bit warped. How would other fetishes look if nobody mentioned the reverse side of it? Fisters would look pretty twisted without fistees. Dominants would seem vicious and malicious if you never brought up the existance of subs. Masochists would seem highly unbalanced if nobody mentioned there were such things as sadist.


Erotic Weight Gain, Weight Board, Dimensions, and SA community at large, I beg of you,
Where's the feedee?
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:15 AM   #2
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It's like the "Where's the Feedee?" game these days. Feedees are people, too! And even exist and stuff. We don't need to take night-vision photos of them in front of the fridge -- I mean, some are even members of this very forum!!!

I jest, but I hear you, Fuzzy N. I've noticed a trend of the silent feedee around here. Women in particular who are feedees tend to keep it on the downlow. I can only assume its because of a general sense of frustration loped at the "lifestyle" from our larger community. Or maybe I'm making this up.

There's this crazy secretiveness to it all. People are scared to admit it for fear of judgment. Several times in my dimensions career women have confessed to me their Super Secret Feedee Orientation in hushed tones and whispers, "I've never told anyone this before."

Maybe we should have an I'm a feedee! pride day. But I can guarantee that this couldn't happen until the WB reaches a place where more women post here and more not-totally-anonymous men post where it's both a "safe space" but also not a totally conflict-free space, either.

God, I might be totally full of shit, but at least I'm open to that. ha ha.
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Old 09-10-2008, 08:18 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by activistfatgirl View Post
Women in particular who are feedees tend to keep it on the downlow.
I'm thinking that this in particular is a combination of the issue Fuzzy mentioned AND the no doubt explosive influx of PMs and messages that result upon Dims men's discovery of fresh meat.
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Old 09-10-2008, 09:39 AM   #4
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Default Re: Who is this "feedee" of which you speak?

Fuzzy Necromancer - I've never thought of it in this way before, but sure, you have a good point. I, too, would prefer "feedism" to "feederism". Your alternative - "feedism" - just feels more inclusive, whereas "feederism" sort of excludes the feedee. Thanks for making me notice!

/ CuslonGodibb


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Originally Posted by Fuzzy Necromancer View Post
[---]The point is, all of these perspectives seem to act more or less as if feedees didn't exist. [---] I find this rather perplexing. I mean, no wonder so many descriptions of feederism (even the name is biased, I perfer the term "feedism") tend to be a bit one-sided, and so many people see feeders as a bit warped. How would other fetishes look if nobody mentioned the reverse side of it? [---]
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Old 09-10-2008, 09:48 AM   #5
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Also, just to mention, that 'feedees' probably vary in drives and details just as much as 'feeders' do.

Just by way of example, over the years there have been a couple of women** for whom I've put together 'custom' stories (basically taking some of their fantasies, sending them back to them in story form, getting their feedback and incorporating it into the next installment, etc). One's fantasies were pretty much totally sub, running towards a guy totally running her life and her totally giving over her initiative to him. The other was much more a queen bee, liking the idea of being a bossy feedee, commanding others to come feed her, controlling others behavior in order to give them the privilege of her eating.

And the variations go far beyond that, of course. There are variations not just in power/control, but in fantasy to reality, focus on gaining versus on eating versus on feeling stuffed, those who want to do it for themselves versus those who want to it for others, amount of wanting to gain, and all sorts of other variables.

Which means that you could have some of these desires, but read stories in the library, for instance, and say "That isn't me!" or read about one of the few brave feedees who do post here, and think "but I'm not like that." Which makes coming out as a feedee probably that much harder. You aren't quite sure how well the label fits, you may not want people to think that you are that other way, and so on.

For what it is worth, I do identify as a feedee (more strongly than I do as a feeder), but have made the decision that it will remain 99% in my fantasies (the 1% is the occasional weekend of self-indulgence). But it seems to me that in general guys are more willing to come forward about these feelings than are women, whether because there are more guys who feel this way, or they are just more open about it, I don't know.

-Ed

** This is the internet, so of course not 100% sure of the 'woman' thing, but in both cases I think it probable, and at any rate they were people who fantasized about being a feedee woman.
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Old 09-10-2008, 05:23 PM   #6
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Those are good points on why feedees might not be common "in the flesh" as it were.

I'm more perplexed however in their absense from hypothetical debate. Whenever somebody complains about the wrongness of feeding or somebody defends it, they generally discuss feeders and altogether ignore the fact that individuals can want to get fat even if they are single.
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Old 09-11-2008, 08:26 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Fuzzy Necromancer View Post
I'm more perplexed however in their absense from hypothetical debate. Whenever somebody complains about the wrongness of feeding or somebody defends it, they generally discuss feeders and altogether ignore the fact that individuals can want to get fat even if they are single.
That could be because a lot of those discussions start when a woman who is not a feedee gets tired of being approached by guys who are feeders. That is a chronic issue at Dimensions chat and forums (guys pushing the feeding agenda on women they don't know have any interest in it). There are a lot of women here who have had that happen to them a lot, so right there you have a good sized constituency whose main exposure to feeding is guys looking for a woman who will gain for them. So I think that tends to colour the debate.
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Old 09-11-2008, 08:47 AM   #8
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I haven't noticed the lack of "feedees" but then again, I am a feedee and such mention probably stands out to me. It seems, to me, like everyone has something to say about feedees. That we're victims. That we're always submissive...or I should say passive...in the role. That we're brainwashed. That we LET ourselves be abused. That when we are women, we can't be feminists too because somehow the two roles have become mutually exclusive.

I haven't noticed us really missing on the positive end of things either--which is to say, most people who speak positively of feeders/feeding tend to speak pretty excitedly/positively of feedees, too. (I say this based on my experiences, of course.)

Also, I don't think I'd ever want to rely on my opposite number to make my fetish seem less threatening. I mean, if I am a submissive out to hurt no one, that's just fine whether there are Doms out there or not (the reverse is, of course, also true [sad and lonely maybe, but true]). Feeders (and FAs in general) seem to need lots of encouragement for their desires (also something I've noticed from personal experience).

If you need to justify your feelings with the phrase "but there are people who like being treated this way" it sounds too much like nervous justification. You're a feeder, you don't do it to hurt anyone, you know your partner (or potential partner) enjoys it: own it; don't justify it.

Lastly, to the feeders of the world, if you think the feedees are missing, I hope you'll do your best to keep us in the picture we're kind of important in the equation, too.
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Old 09-11-2008, 09:07 AM   #9
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I've done it once or twice here in the past. My exploits are heavily documented in the sticky thread. I've seen others do it also but after a while you tend to develope a glass eye towards people who come here seeing feeders as souless goblins out to harvest their fat. There may be a few reasons in play that keep the feedees (sic) from getting involved:
  • we no longer care about those people
  • those folks don't belong here anyway
  • it won't help
Instead we tend to wait it out until they hopefully gain a new interest in the 'slap it or save it' thread so we can get back to the original topic. I find that in general a lot of time is wasted replying to stupid posts. If I post that my grandma makes the best oatmeal cookies ever and I fail to put IMHO in the text, surely someone will raise an issue and I'll have to come back and defend what I wrote. If you say something feeder fantasy related and fail to include the fact that you appreciate your girlfriend's love of dead Russian philosophers someone will assume you're a villain with a girl in your clutches. There are lots of dumb things that happen around here but eventually people grow weary of explaining again and again.

This is confounded by the fact that there are legitimate stories of woe out there. Like in any genre, idiots abound. There are people who do meet with bad feeders and I don't want to marginalize their experiences. The solution is for them to weed out the bad guys like every other person on the planet has to do but it gets tiring engaging in defensive dialogue with the ignorant.
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Old 09-11-2008, 09:15 AM   #10
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I've done it once or twice here in the past. ........but it gets tiring engaging in defensive dialogue with the ignorant.
Curse you, rep gods who deny me the ability to rep Lilly more often!
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Old 09-11-2008, 10:26 AM   #11
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OMG I LOVE this woman, she is sooo Damn Right!!!!!!

Hope you have been very well dear Lilly-

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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
I've done it once or twice here in the past. My exploits are heavily documented in the sticky thread. I've seen others do it also but after a while you tend to develope a glass eye towards people who come here seeing feeders as souless goblins out to harvest their fat. There may be a few reasons in play that keep the feedees (sic) from getting involved:
  • we no longer care about those people
  • those folks don't belong here anyway
  • it won't help
Instead we tend to wait it out until they hopefully gain a new interest in the 'slap it or save it' thread so we can get back to the original topic. I find that in general a lot of time is wasted replying to stupid posts. If I post that my grandma makes the best oatmeal cookies ever and I fail to put IMHO in the text, surely someone will raise an issue and I'll have to come back and defend what I wrote. If you say something feeder fantasy related and fail to include the fact that you appreciate your girlfriend's love of dead Russian philosophers someone will assume you're a villain with a girl in your clutches. There are lots of dumb things that happen around here but eventually people grow weary of explaining again and again.

This is confounded by the fact that there are legitimate stories of woe out there. Like in any genre, idiots abound. There are people who do meet with bad feeders and I don't want to marginalize their experiences. The solution is for them to weed out the bad guys like every other person on the planet has to do but it gets tiring engaging in defensive dialogue with the ignorant.
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Old 09-11-2008, 10:37 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by activistfatgirl View Post
It's like the "Where's the Feedee?" game these days. Feedees are people, too! And even exist and stuff. We don't need to take night-vision photos of them in front of the fridge -- I mean, some are even members of this very forum!!!

I jest, but I hear you, Fuzzy N. I've noticed a trend of the silent feedee around here. Women in particular who are feedees tend to keep it on the downlow. I can only assume its because of a general sense of frustration loped at the "lifestyle" from our larger community. Or maybe I'm making this up.

There's this crazy secretiveness to it all. People are scared to admit it for fear of judgment. Several times in my dimensions career women have confessed to me their Super Secret Feedee Orientation in hushed tones and whispers, "I've never told anyone this before."

Maybe we should have an I'm a feedee! pride day. But I can guarantee that this couldn't happen until the WB reaches a place where more women post here and more not-totally-anonymous men post where it's both a "safe space" but also not a totally conflict-free space, either.

God, I might be totally full of shit, but at least I'm open to that. ha ha.
Tiff, this is fantastic.

It's especially surprising in this universe, where plenty of girls raised their hand in the "do you enjoy anal" thread. The fear of judgment is odd.

One thing I'm certain of is that more women are "converted" to feederism by feeder boyfriends, and that some of these folk can take it or leave it, while others have had their sexual repertoire completely rewired by it. So I've always found the distinctions "feeder" and "feedee" too oddly committed. I'm a feeder but it's not like, my job. I'm not really defined by what I do in bed prior to orgasm. To me this stuff is just a subset of foreplay.

I think the women who keep it on the downlow are too worried about being branded a certain way when even the judges should think it's totally "understandable" that when one dates a feeder she's at the very least experimenting with aspects of a feeder/feedee relationship.

As for the judgment, I've always maintained that this is an unusual fetish to be under constant criticism by the community it pertains to. There's not much you can do with a cupcake. The people who really "transform" with this lifestyle aren't exactly caught unawares at this point.
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Old 09-11-2008, 10:40 AM   #13
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If I post that my grandma makes the best oatmeal cookies ever and I fail to put IMHO in the text, surely someone will raise an issue and I'll have to come back and defend what I wrote.
Ha, so true.
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Old 09-11-2008, 10:50 AM   #14
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It's like the "Where's the Feedee?" game these days. Feedees are people, too! And even exist and stuff. We don't need to take night-vision photos of them in front of the fridge -- I mean, some are even members of this very forum!!!

Maybe off subject,maybe my way of saying hello
but this reminded me of those
weird night cameras the hunters use around here,
the deer always looks stunned when he
hears the little click, but keeps on eating...... dumb deer.


I've never told anyone this before...but, I'm A Feedee! pride day sounds like a good idea....

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Old 09-11-2008, 11:21 AM   #15
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I am a feedee ! *waving my feedee flag high*

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Old 09-11-2008, 11:33 AM   #16
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Tiff, this is fantastic.

It's especially surprising in this universe, where plenty of girls raised their hand in the "do you enjoy anal" thread. The fear of judgment is odd.

One thing I'm certain of is that more women are "converted" to feederism by feeder boyfriends, and that some of these folk can take it or leave it, while others have had their sexual repertoire completely rewired by it. So I've always found the distinctions "feeder" and "feedee" too oddly committed. I'm a feeder but it's not like, my job. I'm not really defined by what I do in bed prior to orgasm. To me this stuff is just a subset of foreplay.

I think the women who keep it on the downlow are too worried about being branded a certain way when even the judges should think it's totally "understandable" that when one dates a feeder she's at the very least experimenting with aspects of a feeder/feedee relationship.

As for the judgment, I've always maintained that this is an unusual fetish to be under constant criticism by the community it pertains to. There's not much you can do with a cupcake. The people who really "transform" with this lifestyle aren't exactly caught unawares at this point.
Feedeeism is a bit different for the feedee than the feeder. Speaking mostly for myself, it is a more introspective thing that places no requirement on my partner at all. I am pretty much the catalyst for my own desires which kick in automatically without thought. There's no longing, no need to report it to the IRS, question or explain it. I never knew it was a 'thing' till I actually had a conversation with a feeder and realized that it could be shared and ignited with just the right abmount of verbal pursuasion. I didn't want to share though as I felt doing so took away some of the deviant self indulgence that's a part of what makes it so thrilling. It's difficult to break from that pattern of thinking or to even want to. I'm certain there are many other women out there similarly inclined who get frightened off by the intensive digging a lot of feeders do if it's even brought up. For a feeder obviously it's much different but for a feedee, unless they're a skinny person who can't gain it's rare there's a desire for a feedee to go on and on about it wistfully unless s/he wants a lot of emails or website traffic. In many cases it's the feedee who is most suspicious of feeders because they don't want anyone trying to muscle the reigns away from them. It's one of the strongest reasons I remained silent for years. Stupid assumptions ran a close second.
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Old 09-11-2008, 01:34 PM   #17
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Mkay. >_>

Bleah. I don't feel too good about being a feeder after reading this.

*puts on his Emo cape*
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Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.
Where there's smoke, there's a smoke-making machine.
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Old 09-11-2008, 01:42 PM   #18
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Mkay. >_>

Bleah. I don't feel too good about being a feeder after reading this.

*puts on his Emo cape*
Really, Why?
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Old 09-11-2008, 09:12 PM   #19
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Maybe we should have an I'm a feedee! pride day
That's one parade I won't miss! And I'll take photos--comparing one year to the next would be awesome!
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Old 09-12-2008, 11:59 AM   #20
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Feedeeism is a bit different for the feedee than the feeder. Speaking mostly for myself, it is a more introspective thing that places no requirement on my partner at all. I am pretty much the catalyst for my own desires which kick in automatically without thought. There's no longing, no need to report it to the IRS, question or explain it. I never knew it was a 'thing' till I actually had a conversation with a feeder and realized that it could be shared and ignited with just the right abmount of verbal pursuasion. I didn't want to share though as I felt doing so took away some of the deviant self indulgence that's a part of what makes it so thrilling. It's difficult to break from that pattern of thinking or to even want to. I'm certain there are many other women out there similarly inclined who get frightened off by the intensive digging a lot of feeders do if it's even brought up. For a feeder obviously it's much different but for a feedee, unless they're a skinny person who can't gain it's rare there's a desire for a feedee to go on and on about it wistfully unless s/he wants a lot of emails or website traffic. In many cases it's the feedee who is most suspicious of feeders because they don't want anyone trying to muscle the reigns away from them. It's one of the strongest reasons I remained silent for years. Stupid assumptions ran a close second.
Oh yeah, I'm certainly not saying all fetishes are male-created, just that it's more common for men to be the catalyst for making women do Weird Stuff. I think we're more likely to talk about it too, which is only saying that girls are less likely to put themselves at risk to be judged, which is what this thread's about, I realize while typing this sentence.
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Old 09-12-2008, 01:21 PM   #21
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Really, Why?
Well, it makes me feel a little creepy and relationally lopsided. All that stuff about intimidating feeders and feeders swamping new feedees with requests or obsessing about feeding, and the fact that feeders need feedees to be fulfilled but feedees don't need feeders. Everybody likes to feel wanted/needed. =/
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all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.
Where there's smoke, there's a smoke-making machine.
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Old 09-12-2008, 10:12 PM   #22
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Well, it makes me feel a little creepy and relationally lopsided. All that stuff about intimidating feeders and feeders swamping new feedees with requests or obsessing about feeding, and the fact that feeders need feedees to be fulfilled but feedees don't need feeders. Everybody likes to feel wanted/needed. =/
It doesn't necessarily have to be in that extreme. If a woman loves to wear high heels because they make her feel sexy and a guy likes a girl in high heels it works out. The fact that she can wear and enjoy them without him being present isn't necessarily a bad thing for either it's just when someone's behavior is out of control that it gets scary. The desires on their own are wonderful, it's just when guys forget to behave themselves and start grabbing willy nilly at your parts. It's really all about boundaries. It doesn't hurt to learn where they are. There no reason we can't all co exist.
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Old 09-13-2008, 07:08 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
Oh yeah, I'm certainly not saying all fetishes are male-created, just that it's more common for men to be the catalyst for making women do Weird Stuff. I think we're more likely to talk about it too, which is only saying that girls are less likely to put themselves at risk to be judged, which is what this thread's about, I realize while typing this sentence.
I wasn't actually disputing what you wrote, it merely provoked me to think out loud. But yeah, there might be people willing to play. It's a kink like anything else. Once the relationship is over though it may not be the life changing experience that makes them look for it elsewhere. They go back to eating salads and obsessing about chin fat like before. Nothing wrong with that at least in my view, but there are different dynamics to being a feedee. I was just mentioning one.
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"...If the only pain you recognize as valid is your own, of course you'll have trouble identifying it when you see it in other people. That's the trouble with narcissism. It makes you really inadequate and boring."

Have you hugged a fat girl today?

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Old 09-13-2008, 07:38 AM   #24
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Why don't people post their salary, their PIN number, their address and where the money is in the house?

Because some will use the information to harm them. And so will people attack them, no matter what their view on any given subject including feederism. Where are the feedees? They exist.

I've just finished reading a book about Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, who said his visit to the USA revolted him because the culture seemed to be ruled by the lowest common denominator, the most crass and base and classless and rude.

And this was in 1918!!! So one need not wonder why someone might not choose to reveal themselves. Who wants to be nibbled to death by a pack of ducks?

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Old 09-13-2008, 01:54 PM   #25
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I know they exist. I just think it's strange that you don't hear about feedees as a general concept much in these forums.

It's also odd, considering that feedees can engage in their fetish without feeders, you don't see them discussed on their own. The word "feedee" is usually only used when your talking about feeders.

LillyBBW: alright. =/ I jus thave a strong sense of sexual inferiority sometimes, and when people say things bad about feeders in general I read that into bad things about all feeders everywhere, especially me.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
all we ask is that those without fetishes respect the notion that the vast majority of fetish-havers know how to reconcile their kink with the dangers of reality just as you would assume your next door neighbor is not a pedophile.
Where there's smoke, there's a smoke-making machine.
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