If I could turn back time...

[SilkyAngela]

If I could turn back time,
If I could find a way...
I'd take back those words that hurt you, and you'd stay.
-Cher from "If I could turn back time."

Maybe it's the time travel themes in my favorite TV shows stirring in my head, but it occurred to me how wonderful it would be to go back in time and stand face to face with the insecure fat teen I used to be and share even a tidbit of wisdom aquired over many years of learning to love and accept myself. Although it would most likely fall on deaf ears, I can't help but wonder if there is something I could say or share with the younger version of me that could've somehow turned the tide and spared me from heartaches I endured and created for myself out of low self-esteem.

As a parent of 3 teens, I'm constantly deprogramming them on matters of size and beauty, yet I know that their culture has as much if not a greater impact on how they see themselves than my words. But my kids are another reason I toy with such ideas about returning to the past...I sincerely want them to feel good about themselves and I want them to love their bodies for the amazing vehicles they are. I imagine they hear my words the same way I heard my mother's, "You're supposed to think I'm awesome, you're my mom!" But in those lonely moments when they face insults and criticism from peers about their appearance, what words could be spoken (from their supportive peers) to remind them of their true worth? These are questions I ponder and ask you.

If you could go back in time and speak to the younger version of yourself about matters of size and self-esteem knowing what you know now....what would you say?

Were there critical moments when sound supportive advice about your worth could have changed the course of your life?

[Raqui]

I was rebellous in nature. I expected to be loved just as I was and not for what I looked like. Including being pretty.

I didnt want to be treated better because i was more beautiful and i didnt want to be treated worse because of my size.

I wanted to be respected for what I did.

I think those certain thoughts on people being human and deserving of respect reguardless are important.

In the end we are all human and deserve to be treated as such.

[SilkyAngela]

Originally Posted by Raqui

I was rebellous in nature. I expected to be loved just as I was and not for what I looked like. Including being pretty.

I didnt want to be treated better because i was more beautiful and i didnt want to be treated worse because of my size.

I wanted to be respected for what I did.

I think those certain thoughts on people being human and deserving of respect reguardless are important.

In the end we are all human and deserve to be treated as such.

I completely agree with your thoughts and feel the same way.

I think if I could speak to the younger version of me I would;
1. point out my strengths, gifts, talents, assets, and potential
2. state for the record that settling for what I think I deserve keeps me from striving toward or seeking the most in life that I can achieve and have.
3. whip out the 10 and 20 year class reunion photos of me and my classmates just for those times when I looked at the popular kids with envy.
4. gather into a pile and burn every tabloid, fashion magazine, and poster that glorified unrealistic standards for women and replace them with size positive alternatives and gorgeous photos of women like LillyBBBW, Ann Marie, Velvet, Raqui, and more.
5. I would read the email from the size 8 gal on myspace who wrote to me about her personal journey and struggle to love her body. Size 8 was an idol in my young mind, I think it would surprise the younger version of me to know that insecurity is not size specific.
6. hand the young me a stack of books including, He's just not that into you by Greg Behrendt.

That's all I can think of for now....fun to entertain and pleasant to see where my journey has brought me.

[Raqui]

Maybe i would make a tape recording with all positive words.

I would then install it into all the means childrens heads LOL

[bmann0413]

Well, I wouldn't talk to myself, but my sister instead...

[olwen]

I'd give my younger self dating tips and tell her to flirt more.

[Admiral_Snackbar]

I would tell my dad that he didn't know shit about shit when it came to weight management, and that he needed to come out of the closet regarding his bulimia.

I would tell myself to buy a shitload of Microsoft and petroleum stocks.

I would ask that girl out from junior year of high school. I think she liked me, and when I looked her up on classmates.com and realized what a clusterfuck her life was, I realized I might have been able to make a wee bit of difference.

I would tell myself to stick with the bodybuilding program in grad school, but more for health than for muscles.

I would ensure that my first evil boss (the bipolar alcoholic) was involved in a felonious crime to ensure he never became my boss. Backup plan: ninja assassin.

I would tell myself that after I cornered the market on Microsoft stock, spend 5 years in Japan and train in Ninjitsu just to make certain I covered all the bases. Then, even though said boss never really became my boss, I'd still take him out anyway. Retroactive alternate timeline payback is a bitch, dude.

[Tori DeLuca]

I would love to relive 1991.
If I could relive 1991 with the knowledge I have now, then all things would fall into place and I would have a perfect ( or close to) life.
Here's to not being perfect!

[southernfa]

Two things at two different ages;
1. Don't jump! (really!)
2. See that girl? Scream! Turn around. Run. Don't stop.

[Tina]

Wow. Well, there's a lot I could say here, but most important of all, I'd tell myself that often the way people treat others (even family -- maybe especially family) has more to do with their own problems and shortcomings than my own. And even though it's really hard, to not let the things that happened to me make me feel ugly and unimportant.

[Sandie_Zitkus]

I would go back to when I was about 15 and tell myself - "Don't let others steal your light" and "They are all wrong. You will meet a wonderful man who will love you not inspite of but because of your imperfections."

One last thing - "When *he* (I.) tells you "he'"s not drinking anymore - RUN!"

OK one more - "Tell him (R.) how much you love him before he leaves your life forever - because he will."

[Tina]

Originally Posted by Sandie_Zitkus

One last thing - "When *he* tells you "he'"s not drinking anymore - RUN!"

Ha! Right on.

[Mathias]

Keep smiling kid.

[Lovelyone]

If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would go back to when I was about 16. I would say...

1) Dont worry about those guys that teased you in high school cos they all turn out to be bald, snaggle-toothed, ugly, unhappily married car lot owners and garbage men.

2) Take all the negative things that happen in your life and turn them into positives...even if you dont succeed at this, you will feel better about yourself in the long run for trying.

3) At 27 you will find someone who you think is really special. He'll have a sweet smile, a pretty face, and kiss you like you've never been kissed before. DONT FALL FOR IT! No matter what your heart tells you DO NOT move in with him. He will steal everything that has any value from you, he wont be good in bed. He will cheat on you. He is a drug using abuser. He will hurt you, put you in the hospital, and will knock your teeth out without blinking an eye. RUN! (or rather waddle) as fast as you can away from him and put him out of mind.

4) Its okay to care about someone, even if they dont care about you. Your family is going to treat you like shit. Find new exciting friends to become your family..you will be much much happier in the future if you do.

5) The feelings and emotions that you will struggle with in life are MEANT to be that way. Dont question it...accept that God gives you intuition and the ability to contemplate for a reason.

6) Look in the mirror and smile at yourself once a day. Tell yourself that you ARE beautiful...and worth the love, attention, kindness, and fidelity that someone will someday bring into your life.

7) don't wait 20 years to go to college...go now.

8) That guy in chat that you think is worth the 4 1/2 hours roundtrip train ride...ISNT. Politely tell him that you would prefer to be friends. Stay home and order a pizza, rent a movie and invite your REAL friends over...your time will be better spent in the company of those who can say they love you without hesitation.

9) yes they are cliche..but "good things happen to those who wait" and "All that glitters is not gold", really DO mean something...hold dear to them.

10) Dont go to that big party when you are 22. Those people will all wind up to be dead, in jail, or alcoholics. Oh..and that time when John S. calls to invite you to the fair, he isnt being a "nice guy" like you think--he is just being mean. His friends are listening on the phone and laughing at you..and he will stand you up. Dont cry...just tell that fucker the next time he calls you that he is not worth your time and hang up on his ass.

and finally...

11) Dont have that big arguement with Dad on Thursday May '99 and walk out without saying you love him. He will pass on Saturday. You will live with that regret for the rest of your life.

12) Happiness truly does come from within. Find things that will give you passion and DO them. Allow yourself to be happy.

[Tad]

Originally Posted by SilkyAngela

If you could go back in time and speak to the younger version of yourself about matters of size and self-esteem knowing what you know now....what would you say?

Were there critical moments when sound supportive advice about your worth could have changed the course of your life?

I'd go back to myself in about grade seven and say: "You know how you are attracted to chubby girls, and for that matter all things fat related? Well that is never going away, it is part of who you are, and will if anything get stronger. In the long run you'll be happiest once you embrace that side of yourself. There are other guys, and gals, who also like fat, but not always in the same ways that you do. As soon as you have access to computer newsgroups, try to find the fat related ones, and that will help you find others who share that appreciation. Finally, don't be so shy with the girls, they are humans too, and a lot of them are also wanting to go out, but have their own insecurities. Most of them can be pretty patient and accept you aren't perfect, you just need to make some first moves. That goes double for the fatter ones a lot of the time, because sometimes they'll think nobody is attracted to them, so you have to get over yourself and learn to take some chances there."

[Ernest Nagel]

Don't ever settle. Hold out for what you really want, not what you think you deserve or can have.

[SupaSexi]

I grew up feeling a lot like Raqui did, so I didn't have too many emotional issues related to my appearance, even though I have always been fat, but if I could go back I would have prepared myself more for a world that doesn't accommodate my size and learn better coping skills. It might sound silly to some, but my issues came from not be able to fit in chairs, roller coasters, clothes, and stuff like that. Also dealing with doctors and employers who discriminated against me because of my size.

Keep talking to your kids because even if it doesn't seem as though they are listening, they hear you and it mean something to them, even if it doesn't seem like it.

[ThikJerseyChik]

Originally Posted by Lovelyone

If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would go back to when I was about 16. I would say...


7) don't wait 20 years to go to college...go now.



12) Happiness truly does come from within. Find things that will give you passion and DO them. Allow yourself to be happy.

Took the thoughts right outta my head, thanks.

Chik

[olwen]

Originally Posted by SupaSexi

I grew up feeling a lot like Raqui did, so I didn't have too many emotional issues related to my appearance, even though I have always been fat, but if I could go back I would have prepared myself more for a world that doesn't accommodate my size and learn better coping skills. It might sound silly to some, but my issues came from not be able to fit in chairs, roller coasters, clothes, and stuff like that. Also dealing with doctors and employers who discriminated against me because of my size.

Keep talking to your kids because even if it doesn't seem as though they are listening, they hear you and it mean something to them, even if it doesn't seem like it.

That doesn't sound silly at all.

[ekmanifest]

Great thread.

I don't know if saying it would be enough - but somehow instilling it in my spirit and sense of self:

"You deserve and are worthy of love and all the beautiful things life has to offer."

[thatgirl08]

I love this thread.

[Still a Skye fan]

A chance to talk to a younger me? Oh my goodness! I've no idea what I'd say to young me.

I wasn't a fat kid but had many self esteem issues which I'm pretty sure continue to affect me well into adulthood today.

I would probably tell young me to try and convince a classmate and friend of mine to NOT get on Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. Yes, a terrorist bombing took too many innocent lives over Lockerbie, Scotland that day and I'd love to have seen this very intelligent, very sweet, very gentle girl I once knew become the wonderful mom/professional woman I'm sure she'd be today.

I would advise the parents of another classmate of mine to not allow their son to attend a certain high school graduation party where he died in a senseless drunk driving accident in June 1983. Personally, I thought the kid was an asshole but perhaps he'd finally grow up and mature had he lived past age 17.

I would try to convince my Dad to say no to my late Mom (Something which rarely happened) when she decided to to drive her only daughter and eldest child out of her life and the family over an utterly asinine reason in 1977...which she was still too damn stubborn to resolve when she died in 1997.

Yes, I still have Mom issues today but I would try to convince young me to be more confident, don't let her ride roughshod over my life like she did and I'd tell young me to just be myself in high school.

And...yes, I'd probably tell myself to bet on certain world series games, buy Microsoft stock and make myself rich by 2008.


Dennis