Do FAs Understand Fatties?

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by olwen

I'm just a bit confused about how someone who's never been attracted to a fat person will suddenly be attracted to one?

I know you don't like labels, but this is where I find them helpful. Are you referring to men who were always attracted to fat women, but never labeled themselves as FAs or are you talking about men who were never attracted to fat people and never considered themselves FAs?

neither and both. well there are some people who are attracted to fat people and then there are some people who are attracted people who happen to be fat and they explore that and get to know all of the juicy little joys that all FAs probably already now about. its like the difference between a guy who is attracted only to girls with big boobs, and a guy who is attracted to a woman who happens to have big boobs and he discovers all of the joys of that as a part of her, not as something that stands separate and almost disembodied. its not a condition he takes her on. it took me a while to realize that there are guys who operate in different ways. they aren't all the same. i think its a matter of sensibilities. i know some guys who'd actually be disgusted by the idea that they'd be with just anyone because they were a certain body type. then i know guys who'd say it wasn't hurting anybody. he could say yes and take on all comers.

also i didn't say it was someone who was never attracted to a person who is fat. just because a guy isn't what might be defined as an FA and go exclusively after women who are fat it doesn't mean he doesn't find them sexy. i think thats a myth. in fact i know its one. i think its put out by people who don't want to share whats rare and hard to get. i've had very passionate relationships with men who never went exclusively for fat women. i also know a few men who kind of discovered a preference for big girls late in life and before that didn;t think they were attracted to a waman who was big. mainly they've said they never thought about it before. culturally as you know BBWs haven't been presented that way in general. and until recently in this half of this fat hating century i'd say 99.9% of BBWS did not express themselves much in any kind of confident and womanly way. even now with the websites etc... oyu very seldom see a woman who is fat presented in a sensual and romantic way. its often presented in a freakish oddity fetishlike way with a focus on fat and not the beauty of the woman. so yet and still in some ways we are not being portrayed as fully desireable.

also BBWs still aren't they aren't really available. they don't go to regular date and meet up places much. in other words they don't give guys a chance. even the ones who do are not often very confident in private. i now from modeling nude that most men will display evidence that they think a woman who is fat is sexy. we are not these big honking ugly turnoffs that we seem to think we are. don't fall into the trap of believing that the only kind of person who can desire you passionately is an FA. don't limit yourself. i'm here to tell you that its not true. and also don't confuse simple sexual desire from someone who happens to be an FA for caring.

[olwen]

I'm not sure that clears it up for me, but it's just something I have to continue to think about. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that a man could be attracted to a body type he's never responded to before simply because he thinks the person is great. My experiences with men just haven't spoken to that. It's one of those I need to see it before I can believe it type of things. I've seen women respond like that, but not men.

....but since so many people see an attraction to fatness as a preference, then, maybe I need to hang around more open minded guys.

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by olwen

I'm not sure that clears it up for me, but it's just something I have to continue to think about. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that a man could be attracted to a body type he's never responded to before simply because he thinks the person is great. My experiences with men just haven't spoken to that. It's one of those I need to see it before I can believe it type of things. I've seen women respond like that, but not men.

....but since so many people see an attraction to fatness as a preference, then, maybe I need to hang around more open minded guys.

i'll be so happy for you when you do experience it. its so worth the wait. i can't tell you how much i miss it.

[Haunted]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

i'll be so happy for you when you do experience it. its so worth the wait. i can't tell you how much i miss it.

I'm not about to attempt to convince anyone whether i Fully Understand My "fatty" or not

I do want to reply to superdalisque I will say that when with My girl i'm Much more passionate, i appreciate her body to no end, i have never felt a physical attraction like this before. don't get me wrong i love her we have a very deep emotional connection, But physically i can not get enough of the feel and look of her soft curves, Olwen you need to get yourself a true FA

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by Haunted

I'm not about to attempt to convince anyone whether i Fully Understand My "fatty" or not

I do want to reply to superdalisque I will say that when with My girl i'm Much more passionate, i appreciate her body to no end, i have never felt a physical attraction like this before. don't get me wrong i love her we have a very deep emotional connection, But physically i can not get enough of the feel and look of her soft curves, Olwen you need to get yourself a true FA

have you ever been with another big girl you haven't felt as passionate about as you do with your love now? hey i'm not excluding sexual attraction from the mix at all. this is not the either or argument people always seem to want to make it. once i looked across the room at someone and i knew he was it. we couldn't stop smiling at each other. he said that he always felt the same and he couldn't wait to touch me--which was definitely true. we had a very active sex life. i never felt that he'd rather be with someone else physically ever. he never compared me to any thin woman. i didnt have to be bigger or smaller to attract him. he never acted as though i wasn't enough for him--just me. and that was from day one. but love takes different forms for everybody. sex alone doesn't make everything alright.
i'd never encourage anyone to be narrow and maybe miss the chance. i wouldn't want any woman to think she has only to be this specimen of sexual desireability alone before she can be loved. its not true and its never was true.

i'm not trying to be argumentative. i was just thinking. what if your beautiful lady woke up one day and felt that as much as you desired her that it wasn't enough for her. what if she thought that was all about you and your desires alone. twhat if she wanted more proof of love than just passionate sex. what if she thought it was all about her body? what if she decided that she wanted to be thin? or what if she lost weight because of an illness and would never be able to gain it back and she worried you wouldn't want her anymore because he physical part of your relationship was so important to you in this particular way? what if she found a man who was as passionate who did not care how her body changed? which do you think she would find more satisfying? respectfully, the conditionality that some FAs have kind of detracts from what i would like to have with a man. but, thats just my opinion.

[Haunted]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

have you ever been with another big girl you haven't felt as passionate about as you do with your love now? hey i'm not excluding sexual attraction from the mix at all. this is not the either or argument people always seem to want to make it. once i looked across the room at someone and i knew he was it. we couldn't stop smiling at each other. he said that he always felt the same and he couldn't wait to touch me--which was definitely true. we had a very active sex life. i never felt that he'd rather be with someone else physically ever. he never compared me to any thin woman. i didnt have to be bigger or smaller to attract him. he never acted as though i wasn't enough for him--just me. and that was from day one. but love takes different forms for everybody. sex alone doesn't make everything alright.
i'd never encourage anyone to be narrow and maybe miss the chance. i wouldn't want any woman to think she has only to be this specimen of sexual desireability alone before she can be loved. its not true and its never was true.

to be totally honest I think it has alot to do with her confidence, she's very comfortable with her body so i don't feel bad or awkward about worshiping her Body she loves how i touch her and even though she has some hang-up's with her body she's comfortable enough with me that they aren't issues.

My ex-wife was chubby and she hated her body. which made intimacy challenging, and we didn't have the level of a connection that Misty and i do. so Your right in saying it's more than just Fatty love we have an honest connection and we get each other on a very deep level

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by Haunted

to be totally honest I think it has alot to do with her confidence, she's very comfortable with her body so i don't feel bad or awkward about worshiping her Body she loves how i touch her and even though she has some hang-up's with her body she's comfortable enough with me that they aren't issues.

My ex-wife was chubby and she hated her body. which made intimacy challenging, and we didn't have the level of a connection that Misty and i do. so Your right in saying it's more than just Fatty love we have an honest connection and we get each other on a very deep level

the same thing was said to me by men who had never thought of being with a woman who was fat before. it was my confidence that sent them thinking dreaming and fantasizing about a fat woman when it had never occurred to them before.

i think the two of you are wonderful. you are probably a really great and sensitive guy. i'd never talk a woman out of an FA. but, i also think its important to think about what it means to a woman when you say ONLY an FA could love her passionately. what are you really saying to her. are you, the one who admires and adores her type, telling her that somehow you agree with society--that she is generally undesireable? that its not possible for another man to love her and love her passionately because her looks are not appealing? sometimes i wonder if deep down in their souls if some FAs don't actually believe women who are fat beautiful. some of them are ashamed of us. a lot don't treat us with respect. some don't think other men want us. what does that say?

[Smushygirl]

Originally Posted by olwen

I'm not sure that clears it up for me, but it's just something I have to continue to think about. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that a man could be attracted to a body type he's never responded to before simply because he thinks the person is great. My experiences with men just haven't spoken to that. It's one of those I need to see it before I can believe it type of things. I've seen women respond like that, but not men.

....but since so many people see an attraction to fatness as a preference, then, maybe I need to hang around more open minded guys.

Dearest Olwen,

When I read this, I thought to myself, "wow, just wow, how sad".

I am trying to do this diplomatically, so please bear with me. I am not criticizing you at all, just expressing dismay at what I see happening around me. I find that sexuality being marketed into niche markets a sad thing. I'm a woman, not a demographic.

When I was your age, I had to go out and do all the things I wanted to sexually to find out what I liked. I couldn't go on the internets and be fascinated by something I hadn't even tried.

I went to college and attracted many guys, most of whom I am sure weren't FA's. I slept with whom I was attracted to, not just what about him I was physically attracted to. I'm sure that there are men that don't venture out of their comfort zone for physicality, but I also know that there are those that do. I have been with them. The best lover I ever had was not an FA, he was very into ME though.

In this hurly burly word of internet porn and dating, everyone seems to very happy with demanding what they think will make them happy without a thought to the fact there is a person involved. Sometimes I feel like I am looked at as a plug in to someone's kink script. "OK, here's my kink, this is the scenario, ok, this is where you fit in...just shut up and cooperate!" Where is there room for me in that?

I have a girlfriend that advertises in her personal ads for men whose penises are no smaller than 7.5". She says if you don't have big meat, don't apply. I kind of admire her for that, lol, but I also find it distasteful. What if there was a great guy that was 5.5", girthy, and a wonderful person, not to mention a great lover?

Just recently at the NJ bash, I was told by someone I considered a good male FA friend that maybe I should gain 100 lbs. Because I consider him a friend, he still has his teeth. Imagine how everyone on this board would feel if some man at a party had told them they would be more attractive if the LOST 100lbs?

I know we all have preferences, I certainly have mine. I just wish we would give each other a break sometimes.

Your pal,

Smushy


P.S. (((((Felecia))))) I miss you!

[Shosh]

Originally Posted by Smushygirl

Dearest Olwen,

When I read this, I thought to myself, "wow, just wow, how sad".

I am trying to do this diplomatically, so please bear with me. I am not criticizing you at all, just expressing dismay at what I see happening around me. I find that sexuality being marketed into niche markets a sad thing. I'm a woman, not a demographic.

When I was your age, I had to go out and do all the things I wanted to sexually to find out what I liked. I couldn't go on the internets and be fascinated by something I hadn't even tried.

I went to college and attracted many guys, most of whom I am sure weren't FA's. I slept with whom I was attracted to, not just what about him I was physically attracted to. I'm sure that there are men that don't venture out of their comfort zone for physicality, but I also know that there are those that do. I have been with them. The best lover I ever had was not an FA, he was very into ME though.

In this hurly burly word of internet porn and dating, everyone seems to very happy with demanding what they think will make them happy without a thought to the fact there is a person involved. Sometimes I feel like I am looked at as a plug in to someone's kink script. "OK, here's my kink, this is the scenario, ok, this is where you fit in...just shut up and cooperate!" Where is there room for me in that?

I have a girlfriend that advertises in her personal ads for men whose penises are no smaller than 7.5". She says if you don't have big meat, don't apply. I kind of admire her for that, lol, but I also find it distasteful. What if there was a great guy that was 5.5", girthy, and a wonderful person, not to mention a great lover?

Just recently at the NJ bash, I was told by someone I considered a good male FA friend that maybe I should gain 100 lbs. Because I consider him a friend, he still has his teeth. Imagine how everyone on this board would feel if some man at a party had told them they would be more attractive if the LOST 100lbs?

I know we all have preferences, I certainly have mine. I just wish we would give each other a break sometimes.

Your pal,

Smushy


P.S. (((((Felecia))))) I miss you!

A triumph in words Smush.

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by Smushygirl

Dearest Olwen,

When I read this, I thought to myself, "wow, just wow, how sad".

I am trying to do this diplomatically, so please bear with me. I am not criticizing you at all, just expressing dismay at what I see happening around me. I find that sexuality being marketed into niche markets a sad thing. I'm a woman, not a demographic.

When I was your age, I had to go out and do all the things I wanted to sexually to find out what I liked. I couldn't go on the internets and be fascinated by something I hadn't even tried.

I went to college and attracted many guys, most of whom I am sure weren't FA's. I slept with whom I was attracted to, not just what about him I was physically attracted to. I'm sure that there are men that don't venture out of their comfort zone for physicality, but I also know that there are those that do. I have been with them. The best lover I ever had was not an FA, he was very into ME though.

In this hurly burly word of internet porn and dating, everyone seems to very happy with demanding what they think will make them happy without a thought to the fact there is a person involved. Sometimes I feel like I am looked at as a plug in to someone's kink script. "OK, here's my kink, this is the scenario, ok, this is where you fit in...just shut up and cooperate!" Where is there room for me in that?

I have a girlfriend that advertises in her personal ads for men whose penises are no smaller than 7.5". She says if you don't have big meat, don't apply. I kind of admire her for that, lol, but I also find it distasteful. What if there was a great guy that was 5.5", girthy, and a wonderful person, not to mention a great lover?

Just recently at the NJ bash, I was told by someone I considered a good male FA friend that maybe I should gain 100 lbs. Because I consider him a friend, he still has his teeth. Imagine how everyone on this board would feel if some man at a party had told them they would be more attractive if the LOST 100lbs?

I know we all have preferences, I certainly have mine. I just wish we would give each other a break sometimes.

Your pal,

Smushy


P.S. (((((Felecia))))) I miss you!

i miss you too! you know i had to rep you for this don't you?

[exile in thighville]

I think I feel 100% of the emotional experience of fat. I can't speak to the physical experience or difficulties, but I forget that I'm thin myself the way my mind jumps in comfort around thin/fat discussion with other thin people...the pit I get in my stomach when someone tosses off a meaningless catch-all against fat, the personal slap I feel, the embarrassment, intolerance, all of it. I used to think I would have trouble transitioning from one community (web) to another (life) and now I have friends emailing me about fat-related songs or my dad mentioning plus size events he caught in the newspaper, and the same goes for negativity...I'm always uncomfortable around diet/gym discussions, or casual mentions of "I look fat" from a thin person. I'm at a point where I'm visibly and openly more comfortable around fat people...it's almost fellow thins who make me nervous, the assumptions they make about ideal beauty or health, the jarring slip of casual fat gripes from even the most erudite people I'm meeting at the oldest years of my life.

[Shosh]

I do not know how to answer this question really. I think FA's certainly try to understand the fat experience, but we either are living it, or have lived the physicality of fat, and the emotional aspects of it.

I do not wish to isolate anybody, but can those who are not fat, and who have never been fat ever really understand?

Somebody I knew once likened being fat to comitting social suicide. I never forgot that, and it upset me greatly.

[B68]

(The following is not an attack on opinions and i only use the perspective of the male FA for the ease of reading.)

I don't think there's an answer to the original question in general.

As an FA i'm limited by my own sexuality. Other men are limited by their social environment. Or by their sexdrive and narcism.

Which leads to a new definition of the FA. Fat Admirer in some cases has become Fat Abuser.

A Fat Abuser is someone who's only looking for sex with a fat woman and some occasional company. He's likely to see a woman as a mere sexual instrument. He will try to force things without consideration. And when she doesn't co-operate, he'll cheat.

A Fat Admirer is just an admirer in a positive way. He knows what attracts him physically. And he has to live with that. He doesn't allways like to be that way, because he can see the beauty in a thin women too. He just knows he can't be more than friends with her. And the admirer loves to admire when he meets a BBW who attracts him in every possible way. If the attraction is mutual... PARTY!!

The admirer loves that one fat woman for her body&soul. And because he knows a thing or two about the subject of being fat, he'll treat that aspect with respect as well as passion. And when he sees her naked, he doesn't see tits and a hole, but a goddess from head to toes. That's awkward for some women who're not used to that, but isn't it a beautiful thing on it's own?

And an admirer may want to improve only one thing about his SO. Her self esteem if needed.

People can care completely when love just happens to them. And that goes for all of us, fat, thin, occasional admirer and absolute admirer.

The limits of a Fat Admirer are his own sexual limits from within he can operate, not the limits of others. And they certainly don't exclude love or understanding. Speaking for myself, i can't have sex without love. Damn, another limit...

[LillyBBBW]

I'll never fully know what it means to be a gay Hispanic male but surely I can understand. I can't possibly know it all though or think that becasue I have one friend that I now understand what they all must be thinking or going through.

[Ivy]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

I'll never fully know what it means to be a gay Hispanic male but surely I can understand. I can't possibly know it all though or think that becasue I have one friend that I now understand what they all must be thinking or going through.

exaaaactly. i think FAs can understand and empathize with what a fat person goes through to a point, but they can never fully and completely know what it means to be a fat person unless they themselves are fat or have been fat in the past.

grr cant rep you.

[imfree]

Originally Posted by Ivy

exaaaactly. i think FAs can understand and empathize with what a fat person goes through to a point, but they can never fully and completely know what it means to be a fat person unless they themselves are fat or have been fat in the past.

grr cant rep you.

I got her for ya'. She's a very repworthy gal.

[Haunted]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

the same thing was said to me by men who had never thought of being with a woman who was fat before. it was my confidence that sent them thinking dreaming and fantasizing about a fat woman when it had never occurred to them before.

i think the two of you are wonderful. you are probably a really great and sensitive guy. i'd never talk a woman out of an FA. but, i also think its important to think about what it means to a woman when you say ONLY an FA could love her passionately. what are you really saying to her. are you, the one who admires and adores her type, telling her that somehow you agree with society--that she is generally undesireable? that its not possible for another man to love her and love her passionately because her looks are not appealing? sometimes i wonder if deep down in their souls if some FAs don't actually believe women who are fat beautiful. some of them are ashamed of us. a lot don't treat us with respect. some don't think other men want us. what does that say?

I didn't say only an Fa could Love her this Passionately, I said i have never Been this passionate with anyone before. The more and more i think about this the answer is too complicated to lay out in a forum thread. I do not just love her because she's fat, although I do worship and caress every inch of her.

What I'm really telling her is I love her and She Is stunningly Beautiful and i'm Scared of losing her Because i'm so far away, If i agreed with society and thought i was some gift to Fat girls then why did i fall for one 3000 miles away wouldn't it be more productive to tear through New England Breaking the hearts of Big girls along the way

Yes I'm a fat admirer and the One "Fatty" That stole My heart is in California sure there are plenty Of Beautiful Big Girls around here but none of them are Misty.

Or maybe i'm not an fa Maybe i just love her so completely That physical attraction is a moot point (of course that wouldn't explain the obsessive tummy rubs)

I believe i am an fa (fat admirer Not abuser) and along the way while admiring Fat woman I found My Dream "Fatty"

also i believe i tend to obsess over the Physical because I can't Have it. We connect emotionally everyday on the phone or on video chat etc. so when i start to write about my Misty it very often becomes a rant about her physically how i want to hold her, How I'm dying to feel her close, pressed tightly against me, How i want to feel her lips on mine. How i wish i could run my hands through her hair and smell her perfume. We send t-shirts back and forth to each other to feel closer, when they stop smelling like her i turn it in on the t-shirt exchange program (sounds goofy but it gets me through the lonely Nights)

this is starting to feel like the question "do you love her Because of or inspite of her Fat?" the answer is neither I Love her, And She happens to be Fat. I noticed her because of her fat and back then she was really only Chubby lol.

I'm not about to try to say i understand what it's like to be fat i was a fat kid growing up i Know it's hard but i was a kid not an adult i was a boy not a woman and i lived in the north east not the West Coast and all these things and more dictate each "Individuals" experience

Sorry if this seems disjointed i just let it flow hopefully it makes sense

[ashmamma84]

I think Supero is on to something...stirring the pot up a bit maybe.

In my personal life I know of men who don't consider themselves to be FA's. My brothers and my father all love big women, but if you saw them on the street and asked if they were an FA, they would look at you crossed eyed and crazy. Not because they are ashamed, not because they are embarassed, but because they don't know any of this fancy schmancy lingo that we use at Dims. I'm subject to believe there are millions of other men just like this. So maybe its limiting in a way...a single woman could be passing up a great guy simply because that's now how he defines himself.

And I think its also true that you might not know what rocks your world until you've experienced or laid eyes on it...

[B68]

Originally Posted by ashmamma84

I think Supero is on to something...stirring the pot up a bit maybe.

In my personal life I know of men who don't consider themselves to be FA's. My brothers and my father all love big women, but if you saw them on the street and asked if they were an FA, they would look at you crossed eyed and crazy. Not because they are ashamed, not because they are embarassed, but because they don't know any of this fancy schmancy lingo that we use at Dims. I'm subject to believe there are millions of other men just like this. So maybe its limiting in a way...a single woman could be passing up a great guy simply because that's now how he defines himself.

And I think its also true that you might not know what rocks your world until you've experienced or laid eyes on it...

Well, you may dislike the term FA, but when you talk here on the boards it can be convenient to use them, instead of explaining where you stand all the time. In this thread it doesn't work though

When i joined the forum recently, i thought it was enough to say that i'm an FA. But the women in here made me realize there is more to it.

I've shown my view in this thread. I have to do that in the Netherlands too, because the terms FA and BBW aren't known by everyone. And it works better than just saying i'm an FA. Because in some ears that sounds like saying 'i'm an FA, SO i like you'.

On the other hand, you know that the term FA just says someone is limited in the range of women he can like physically. It says nothing about the rest of his personality. And it doesn't say 'i love every fat woman who looks like this or that'.

Hey, i don't disagree with you or the other women in here. I just want to say there's nothing wrong with the basic meaning of the term FA.

[Santaclear]

Originally Posted by ashmamma84

I think Supero is on to something...stirring the pot up a bit maybe.
In my personal life I know of men who don't consider themselves to be FA's. My brothers and my father all love big women, but if you saw them on the street and asked if they were an FA, they would look at you crossed eyed and crazy. Not because they are ashamed, not because they are embarassed, but because they don't know any of this fancy schmancy lingo that we use at Dims. I'm subject to believe there are millions of other men just like this. So maybe its limiting in a way...a single woman could be passing up a great guy simply because that's now how he defines himself.
And I think its also true that you might not know what rocks your world until you've experienced or laid eyes on it...

I agree pretty much with what B68 responded to this, Ash. "FA" is just Dimensions-type shorthand - it doesn't hold a lot of currency positive or negative out in the rest of the world. Since we do discuss these issues a lot here and among fat people it does have meaning.

[Santaclear]

Originally Posted by Fascinita

..Clearly being fat is frequently a unique, complicated experience of itself, with both many wonderful highs and a number of disheartening lows.

My question for FAs is: How do you show your understanding of fat people's unique experiences, in your relationships with fat people? How does someone's experience of being fat play into and determine your relationship with them, and how do you respond to this? Are you more accommodating? Can you sympathize fully with the fat experience, or does it remain essentially foreign to you? ...............................................Or?

To answer Fasc's original question, I don't regard myself as an expert on other people's feelings and experiences, so it would be presumptuous for me to say that I "sympathize fully" with anyone's experiences - that's for them to decide, not me.

But I try to be sensitive. There have been times I've made accommodations with driving or walking. Seating. None of this has really made much impact on me or my life thus far but as one who loves fat woman I'd say I sympathize a lot - it's sure not foreign to me.

[B68]

Originally Posted by Santaclear

To answer Fasc's original question, I don't regard myself as an expert on other people's feelings and experiences, so it would be presumptuous for me to say that I "sympathize fully" with anyone's experiences - that's for them to decide, not me.

But I try to be sensitive. There have been times I've made accommodations with driving or walking. Seating. None of this has really made much impact on me or my life thus far but as one who loves fat woman I'd say I sympathize a lot - it's sure not foreign to me.

This is a reply i can fully sympathize with

[olwen]

I'm amazed that there are so many different interpretations of the term FA. It wasn't until I came to these boards that I knew this was possible. To me it's just always meant - a person who is physically attracted to fat people. All this extra stuff: inspite of fat, because of fat, not labeling, only labeling, limiting vs. not limiting, physcial attraction vs. attraction to personality...it just never crossed my mind. And the difference between a physical attraction and a mental one never seemed like something I had to distinguish when it came to FAs because it seemed like something everyone experiences. And by my own definition, it was just a moot point. I guess we talk about that last bit a lot around here...as for the last bit, I think if we're talking about things like tall vs. short, red hair vs. blonde hair, muscular vs. not muscular, or big boobs vs. small boobs then I'd think what people like would be more fluid and it really wouldn't matter. Those seem like really small things. But 200-300lbs seems like a not so small thing. I once had a guy tell me, "you like what you like." He said he couldn't control the way his body responded to women. He wasn't attracted to fat people. Until he said that, it had never occurred to me to think that way about non-Fas. If people think it's possible for guys to be able to override their bodies, no matter what body types they're attracted to or not attracted to, then okay. I'll just have to take everyone's word for it.

Fasc, maybe the topic for this thread should be "Do fatties understand FAs?"

[Fascinita]

Originally Posted by Haunted

I didn't say only an Fa could Love her this Passionately, I said i have never Been this passionate with anyone before. The more and more i think about this the answer is too complicated to lay out in a forum thread. I do not just love her because she's fat, although I do worship and caress every inch of her.

What I'm really telling her is I love her and She Is stunningly Beautiful and i'm Scared of losing her Because i'm so far away, If i agreed with society and thought i was some gift to Fat girls then why did i fall for one 3000 miles away wouldn't it be more productive to tear through New England Breaking the hearts of Big girls along the way

Yes I'm a fat admirer and the One "Fatty" That stole My heart is in California sure there are plenty Of Beautiful Big Girls around here but none of them are Misty.

Or maybe i'm not an fa Maybe i just love her so completely That physical attraction is a moot point (of course that wouldn't explain the obsessive tummy rubs)

I believe i am an fa (fat admirer Not abuser) and along the way while admiring Fat woman I found My Dream "Fatty"

also i believe i tend to obsess over the Physical because I can't Have it. We connect emotionally everyday on the phone or on video chat etc. so when i start to write about my Misty it very often becomes a rant about her physically how i want to hold her, How I'm dying to feel her close, pressed tightly against me, How i want to feel her lips on mine. How i wish i could run my hands through her hair and smell her perfume. We send t-shirts back and forth to each other to feel closer, when they stop smelling like her i turn it in on the t-shirt exchange program (sounds goofy but it gets me through the lonely Nights)

this is starting to feel like the question "do you love her Because of or inspite of her Fat?" the answer is neither I Love her, And She happens to be Fat. I noticed her because of her fat and back then she was really only Chubby lol.

I'm not about to try to say i understand what it's like to be fat i was a fat kid growing up i Know it's hard but i was a kid not an adult i was a boy not a woman and i lived in the north east not the West Coast and all these things and more dictate each "Individuals" experience

Sorry if this seems disjointed i just let it flow hopefully it makes sense

No, I actually found your post coherent and very emotionally resonant. And I think it's neat that it seems to provide a window into the way that FA is not just a way of saying "I like all fat," because of the circumstances of your relationship as you explained them. Clearly, you're mad for your fatty. That's awesome.

[superodalisque]

i think the reason i might define an FA differently is because in my experience i have noticed a general difference in the way i get treated by guys who call themselves FAs vs those who don't. this is by no means all of them but its enough that i've noticed a trend. the ones who don't just tend to treat me like a woman they like and are interested in. maybe because i don't tend to meet them at BBW events or online they have actual conversations about life with me. they take me out. they try to be polite. they're careful not to invade my personal space without at least my implied permission. in other words they show me a lot of respect.

but, i find that often times when i'm dealing with a card carrying FA they spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on and almost always talking about my body and the bodies of other women. and when they don't it seems like a real effort for them. they don't seem to want to do anything. no dancing , no going out, no dressing for a date--in short no effort to please BBWs much except in ways that excite them. they have no problem "helping" if a woman is somewhat disabled. there are always lots eager to do that. that isn't to say that a lot who are helping us out aren't just genuinely kind. i know they are. there are much better ways to spend their time. but then those are the guys who are gentlemen in every way and not just in one fake way. but in general, for me, its often like being with a teenage guy all over again. remember,this is a big honking generalization. other women who date both and i talk about this but it doesn't get said in public much because no one wants to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone who doesn't behave like that uncomfortable. i know its not everybody and i know my experience is limited.

i don't really have a problem with the term FA its just that i kinda question the kind of license it gives to certain people. its as though it makes it alright to seperate the woman from her body. its a FAT admirer. its a bit like the "i like big tits" t-shirt mentality in a way. its not a person who just happens to attracted to people who are soft round and plump. there is just something hard and harsh about the term FA as i usually see it expressed. i know i'm being picky picky picky but there it is. what i see sometimes is that at its worst it can be the same kind of thing you'd see around the playboy mansion or something. i know that has its place in the world. thats going to exist. i'm not a pollyanna about it. but i would still rather not encounter it as much as i do on a personal level. when i say that as a BBW i'd like more kindness and respect i really don't mean it as man bashing. i know they get a lot of mixed messages. they can behave badly and still get a lot of us to just follow around and act like its ok with us. if what i said applies to someone even in a small way then at least someone has told them and now they know.

PS: this is not a condemnation. i'm just thinking things out.