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Old 01-31-2009, 07:20 AM   #1
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Default Bisexuality. Your Thoughts?

My name is Bexy and I am a bisexual.

Lol.

And I have been all my life.

I can first recall fancying girls in primary school and having my first "experience" with a girl there. Her name was Jessica and I was at her house. We went into a cupboard and tickled each other in the dark. Heehee!!

In high school I fancied more girls, and kissed one or two.

In 6th form college I dated, flirted, kissed and "had fun" with a handful more girls.

Every girl I ever fancied or went with was in the very least chubby, if not bigger.

Obviously during these periods I dated boys as well, and hell even married one but that was really for crazy reasons that seemed right at the time lol.

So from an early age my preference was clear. I liked fat girls. I liked slender boys. I liked girlie girls, I liked girlie boys! Make up, skirts, long hair, as girlie as you like please!

And now I am with George, the love of my life, and he really is the best of both worlds. My little girlie boy girl.

BUT. I have had gay friends since I was about 13. I have been a part of the "gay scene" since I first starting going to nightclubs aged 16. I am now 26 and still find I often have to justify, explain or stick up for my sexuality as a lot of people I have come across, specifically lesbians, seem to think Bisexuality isn't real. It's for people who can't be strong enough to be gay. It's for those "I kissed a girl" types. It's for those who want to kiss a girl to impress a boy. It's for those who are greedy.

I was once even shouted at by a girl I went to college with for marching in the Gay Pride march because I was *shock horror* engaged to a man. And apparently I shouldn't have been there.
I couldn't really find time to explain to her in the middle of a march that I was engaged to a crossdressing guy, who had a female and a male side, and was ideal for me. And nor should I have had to.

I guess what I am rambling on about here is that to me, everyone's sexuality is valid. And everyone's sexuality is real. If you fancy girls but never intend to be with one, you have as much right to that feeling as an out and out lesbian has to never fancy a man.
If you are a male who finds some guys attractive, or has experimented and decided to stick with females, that doesn't make you in the closet or a liar, it makes you you. Sexuality is like an onion, tonnes and tonnes of levels that simply cannot be defined by gay, straight, bi or trans.

For those of you out there that do identify themselves as 100% gay, what are your opinions of bisexual people, in particular women? Do you think it is attention seeking? Do you think it's a valid sexuality? Do you ever resent bisexuals? Do you think they mock your sexuality?

Lets open this up for discussion!!

Bi - Real, fake, or just plain greed?
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Old 01-31-2009, 07:36 AM   #2
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Great thread Bexy!

I agree with you 100%

People should not be made to feel bad about what they are. I think to a certain degree the 'poser' bisexuals of around the age of 13 give a bad name.

I can relate to you in a few ways. I am also engaged to a man. I have had encounters and experiences with the opposite sex several times in the past and I find myself very attracted to some women as much as men. I have had the whole 'you are either one thing or another' pep talk from people also the whole bisexuals are just greedy and want the best of both worlds. People often argue that you can't 'bat for both teams' and you are either straight or gay. Point blank.

It is annoying, but I will always stand my ground and fight for what I believe in. At the end of the day, If people don't like it that is just tough shit. We only have to answer to ourselves and do and be what makes us happy.

Again.. great topic hun
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Old 01-31-2009, 07:37 AM   #3
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Sexuality is like an onion, tonnes and tonnes of levels that simply cannot be defined by gay, straight, bi or trans.
And that is an excellent comparison! So true... I like that.
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Old 01-31-2009, 08:06 AM   #4
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Hi Bexy,

My opinion on this (for what it's worth) is that bi-sexuality is very natural and if more people would let go of puritanical beliefs in what is right and wrong, more would have attractions (that they admit) with people of the same sex.
I find myself to be attracted to women as much as men (actually maybe more these days).

So, my theory is - we're all Bi - but very few of us admit it. (gay and straight). Of course I could be full of shit too.
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Old 01-31-2009, 09:23 AM   #5
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What do people think of the Kinsey scale? Is it accurate? Or is it ludicrous? Is it a good starting point? Or is it completely missing the point?

Me, I think its somewhat accurate. I certainly like the idea of 6 levels of sexuality rather than just the 2.

This is the scale:

0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual.
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
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Old 01-31-2009, 09:45 AM   #6
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Didn't Kinsey also say that NO ONE is exactly 0 or 6?
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Old 01-31-2009, 10:25 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by krismiss View Post
Didn't Kinsey also say that NO ONE is exactly 0 or 6?
I think he said it was a minimal percent, between 1% and 3%.

I do believe there are those who are 100% straight and those who are 100% gay, most definitely.

I do think the scale is a good model and goes a good way in showing that there isn't just gay and straight, that there isn't just gay, straight or bi, but that it is a broad spectrum. And also in showing that bisexuality does exist.
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Old 01-31-2009, 10:31 AM   #8
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Also throwing it out there that i'm a 4.

I think that just suprised quite a few people. haha.
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Old 01-31-2009, 10:31 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by bexy View Post
My name is Bexy and I am a bisexual.

Lol.

And I have been all my life.

I can first recall fancying girls in primary school and having my first "experience" with a girl there. Her name was Jessica and I was at her house. We went into a cupboard and tickled each other in the dark. Heehee!!

In high school I fancied more girls, and kissed one or two.

In 6th form college I dated, flirted, kissed and "had fun" with a handful more girls.

Every girl I ever fancied or went with was in the very least chubby, if not bigger.

Obviously during these periods I dated boys as well, and hell even married one but that was really for crazy reasons that seemed right at the time lol.

So from an early age my preference was clear. I liked fat girls. I liked slender boys. I liked girlie girls, I liked girlie boys! Make up, skirts, long hair, as girlie as you like please!

And now I am with George, the love of my life, and he really is the best of both worlds. My little girlie boy girl.

BUT. I have had gay friends since I was about 13. I have been a part of the "gay scene" since I first starting going to nightclubs aged 16. I am now 26 and still find I often have to justify, explain or stick up for my sexuality as a lot of people I have come across, specifically lesbians, seem to think Bisexuality isn't real. It's for people who can't be strong enough to be gay. It's for those "I kissed a girl" types. It's for those who want to kiss a girl to impress a boy. It's for those who are greedy.
I was once even shouted at by a girl I went to college with for marching in the Gay Pride march because I was *shock horror* engaged to a man. And apparently I shouldn't have been there.
I couldn't really find time to explain to her in the middle of a march that I was engaged to a crossdressing guy, who had a female and a male side, and was ideal for me. And nor should I have had to.

I guess what I am rambling on about here is that to me, everyone's sexuality is valid. And everyone's sexuality is real. If you fancy girls but never intend to be with one, you have as much right to that feeling as an out and out lesbian has to never fancy a man.
If you are a male who finds some guys attractive, or has experimented and decided to stick with females, that doesn't make you in the closet or a liar, it makes you you. Sexuality is like an onion, tonnes and tonnes of levels that simply cannot be defined by gay, straight, bi or trans.

For those of you out there that do identify themselves as 100% gay, what are your opinions of bisexual people, in particular women? Do you think it is attention seeking? Do you think it's a valid sexuality? Do you ever resent bisexuals? Do you think they mock your sexuality?

Lets open this up for discussion!!

Bi - Real, fake, or just plain greed?
I've also gotten into discussions about Bisexuality not being real for exactly those same reasons. I got into a very heated argument with a man once who said I cant be bisexual and that I had to choose. Its also funny to me that often times its lesbians who feel this way because they are doing to bisexuals exactly what is being done to them. They are judging, ridiculing and not accepting. Just as they believe that they are born the way they are so are bisexuals. Its not a choice to be attracted to both men and women but we can choose if we want to be with a man or woman. It doesnt mean we can't be monogamous either. I was in a monogamous relationship with a woman for 8 years.

I remember when I first learned of the Kinsey scale and thought that suddenly it all made sense, I made sense. I'd probably put myself at a 2 1/2 though. I think of myself as unique that I can love a man or woman. I feel that looking beyond the outside anatomy of a person lets me truly see and be in love with the person they are. And while I may find myself attracted to both men and women it certainly does not mean all men and women

That thing with the parade pisses me off because it shouldnt matter if your gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered or straight marching in the parade. Parade marches arent just about being proud you're gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered its also about supporting those who are.
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Old 01-31-2009, 11:03 AM   #10
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I totally believe that bisexuality is real.

I've seen so many incarnations of it. Everything from a woman who had had successful relationships with both sexes, to women who loved to make-out with other women and fool around a bit, but would never actually have full blown sex. And as previously mentioned, there will also always be the "party bisexuals" who will gain attention for their same-sex antics, but never actually pursue anything further.

I find women beautiful and sexual, and have periodic fantasies involving them, but I know if it came right down to it, I probably wouldn't bring those fantasies to fruition. I'm not familiar with the scale being discussed, but I guess I'm an admire from afar type.

It's interesting to talk to people about this topic, because views really do vary a LOT.
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Old 01-31-2009, 11:04 AM   #11
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I think that bisexuality is a stable and legitimate sexual orientation.

However, I do hold strong and rather unpopular opinions of what bisexuality is. I will be sharing them for the sake of discussion but please remember that I am not trying to invalidate anyone here.

I agree that few people are 100% heterosexual or homosexual. As much as I believe that sexuality is fluid, it would be confusing and inaccurate to label someone who is 99% attracted to one gender bisexual. I would consider such a person to be straight or gay. Bisexuals seldom fall right in the middle of the Kinsey scale, but they should at least have significant sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to people of both genders.

Bisexuality should not be confused with bicuriosity. Someone who is bisexual is aware that s/he is attracted to both men and women. Someone who is bicurious, however, is curious and unsure about this. Some queer folk do go through a period of experimentation and self-reflection before coming out, and I do think that bicurious people deserve room to explore their sexuality. However, I feel that bicurious folk should be upfront about this, especially if they are seriously dating someone. While this may hurt their chances, not everyone is willing to deal with issues that bicurious people may have and it would be unfair to the other person to pretend that they don't exist. The again, I am a huge advocate of brutal honesty in relationships. I guess it can be compared to how many BBWs are simply not willing to take the risk of dating closeted or curious FAs.

Some people assume that bisexuals are more likely to cheat on their partners than their straight or gay counterparts. This is untrue. It is often argued that a bisexual person who is in a long term relationship with a male may start desiring a female, but this can be said for just about anyone who has been with the same person for ages. Some end up being disgruntled and scratch their itch elsewhere, some don't. Bisexuals may appear to have a larger pool of people to choose from, but just because you like say, men doesn't mean that you are going to spread your legs for any male you see. When it comes down to people they are actually attracted to, the difference becomes insignificant. Polygamy, the practice of having more than one partner at a time is a different thing altogether and is something that all parties in the relationship agree on.

True bisexuality is not spurred by attention, but the bisexual chic phenomenon has certainly caused a surge in the number of young girls claiming to be bisexual when they will never actually consider dating a woman. It is the ultimate male fantasy, too often played out in porn - two hot girls making out with each other and then dropping to their knees and worshipping the male performer's penis when he walks in. Hell, the sleazy gentlemen's club I worked in had an extremely popular lesbian act and strippers end up groping each other to get fatter tips. I used to frequent straight clubs, and more often than not, I find myself on the receiving end of attention from straight females who grind against me suggestively and want to make out. They drop their act immediately as soon as their cheering male audience loses interest. I do not appreciate being part of this at all because I resent attention from males. Those girls are more than welcome to make out with each other though.

There are some who think that merely sleeping or having dating someone of the same sex makes one bisexual. I beg to differ. Many gay people were in relationships with someone of the opposite gender before they came out to themselves. While they probably care for the person and might have even found the sex interesting and pleasurable, it does not make them straight or bisexual. People come out for a reason. Also, I do have a number of gay male friends who express an interest in sleeping with a woman before they die, just for the sake of it. Having sex with a woman, particularly a celebrity is among one of the most popular fantasies among heterosexual women. However, the two groups of people are not actually emotionally and romantically attracted to women and would not date one, hence I do not consider them bisexual.

The term bisexual also implies that people have to be either male or female. I personally prefer the term pansexual as it is includes those who fall outside of the gender binary. However, I also understand that there are two distinct types of people who may consider themselves bisexual. The former is attracted to males and females only, while the latter can be said to be gender-blind and can be attracted to people regardless of their gender. I consider the latter to be pansexual, though it is not the most popular word and often results in confusion and more questioning.

Finally, it is a sexual orientation. Most of my lesbian friends insist that I am bisexual but I do not see myself as such. To them, I have pretty much lost the supposed privilege of calling myself a lesbian when I got together with my MtF transsexual ex-girlfriend and the fact that I am now with an androgynous, asexual and genderless male. I guess I would consider myself a pansexual and a 5ish on the Kinsey scale. I am sexually attracted to female bodies only and am emotionally and romantically attracted to characteristically female traits only. I do have a fascination with trannies, genderqueers and people who are completely neutral, and I do make the occasional exception for someone who is not overtly and typically male. Oh well.

Labels are just that - labels. Pick whatever fits, and discard the stereotypes. Self-labelling may be empowering, but it is more important to be true to yourself. It makes me sad that bisexuals suffer from a serious lack of community though.

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Old 01-31-2009, 12:07 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cors View Post
The term bisexual also implies that people have to be either male or female. I personally prefer the term pansexual as it is includes those who fall outside of the gender binary. However, I also understand that there are two distinct types of people who may consider themselves bisexual. The former is attracted to males and females only, while the latter can be said to be gender-blind and can be attracted to people regardless of their gender. I consider the latter to be pansexual, though it is not the most popular word and often results in confusion and more questioning.
This is in part why I usually cop out by saying, "I don't have a sexual orientation!" I think there are so many different KINDS of people in this world, and "bi" represents only two of them. Anyway!

I feel bisexuality is everywhere, and almost everyone is just a little bi/pansexual. Getting them to admit it might be another matter, though . I can't remember who it was, but I used to know someone who thought that bisexuals were people who just wanted to get some from more people. Note that I said I USED to know them, heh. I think this is a damaging mindset-- I know it's more popular to find it regarding bisexual people than it is to find it regarding homosexual people. I'm gettin' off topic though, I think.
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Old 01-31-2009, 12:18 PM   #13
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Can someone clarify what "incidentally" means as it pertains to the Kinsey scale? I want to make sure I'm understanding properly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cors View Post

I agree that few people are 100% heterosexual or homosexual. As much as I believe that sexuality is fluid, it would be confusing and inaccurate to label someone who is 99% attracted to one gender bisexual. I would consider such a person to be straight or gay. Bisexuals seldom fall right in the middle of the Kinsey scale, but they should at least have significant sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to people of both genders.

I agree. I've found myself significantly attracted to women. I have even had a sexual experience with one. However, once things got past the waist region, I found I was really only doing it because I cared about her and was attracted to her, not because I had sexual feelings for that part of the female anatomy. I was young and experimenting and questioning at that point, but that taught me that, no, I didn't want to go that far in my sexual experiences with women. To be quite honest, I was disappointed, because I think women are awesome. lol. Because I enjoy making out/fooling around with women, I'm certainly not perfectly straight, but it would be ENTIRELY misleading to even TRY to call myself bisexual. So...I usually just call myself straight to avoid confusing/hurting anyone.
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Old 01-31-2009, 12:28 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cors View Post
I think that bisexuality is a stable and legitimate sexual orientation.

However, I do hold strong and rather unpopular opinions of what bisexuality is. I will be sharing them for the sake of discussion but please remember that I am not trying to invalidate anyone here.

I agree that few people are 100% heterosexual or homosexual. As much as I believe that sexuality is fluid, it would be confusing and inaccurate to label someone who is 99% attracted to one gender bisexual. I would consider such a person to be straight or gay. Bisexuals seldom fall right in the middle of the Kinsey scale, but they should at least have significant sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to people of both genders.

Bisexuality should not be confused with bicuriosity. Someone who is bisexual is aware that s/he is attracted to both men and women. Someone who is bicurious, however, is curious and unsure about this. Some queer folk do go through a period of experimentation and self-reflection before coming out, and I do think that bicurious people deserve room to explore their sexuality. However, I feel that bicurious folk should be upfront about this, especially if they are seriously dating someone. While this may hurt their chances, not everyone is willing to deal with issues that bicurious people may have and it would be unfair to the other person to pretend that they don't exist. The again, I am a huge advocate of brutal honesty in relationships. I guess it can be compared to how many BBWs are simply not willing to take the risk of dating closeted or curious FAs.

Some people assume that bisexuals are more likely to cheat on their partners than their straight or gay counterparts. This is untrue. It is often argued that a bisexual person who is in a long term relationship with a male may start desiring a female, but this can be said for just about anyone who has been with the same person for ages. Some end up being disgruntled and scratch their itch elsewhere, some don't. Bisexuals may appear to have a larger pool of people to choose from, but just because you like say, men doesn't mean that you are going to spread your legs for any male you see. When it comes down to people they are actually attracted to, the difference becomes insignificant. Polygamy, the practice of having more than one partner at a time is a different thing altogether and is something that all parties in the relationship agree on.

True bisexuality is not spurred by attention, but the bisexual chic phenomenon has certainly caused a surge in the number of young girls claiming to be bisexual when they will never actually consider dating a woman. It is the ultimate male fantasy, too often played out in porn - two hot girls making out with each other and then dropping to their knees and worshipping the male performer's penis when he walks in. Hell, the sleazy gentlemen's club I worked in had an extremely popular lesbian act and strippers end up groping each other to get fatter tips. I used to frequent straight clubs, and more often than not, I find myself on the receiving end of attention from straight females who grind against me suggestively and want to make out. They drop their act immediately as soon as their cheering male audience loses interest. I do not appreciate being part of this at all because I resent attention from males. Those girls are more than welcome to make out with each other though.

There are some who think that merely sleeping or having dating someone of the same sex makes one bisexual. I beg to differ. Many gay people were in relationships with someone of the opposite gender before they came out to themselves. While they probably care for the person and might have even found the sex interesting and pleasurable, it does not make them straight or bisexual. People come out for a reason. Also, I do have a number of gay male friends who express an interest in sleeping with a woman before they die, just for the sake of it. Having sex with a woman, particularly a celebrity is among one of the most popular fantasies among heterosexual women. However, the two groups of people are not actually emotionally and romantically attracted to women and would not date one, hence I do not consider them bisexual.

The term bisexual also implies that people have to be either male or female. I personally prefer the term pansexual as it is includes those who fall outside of the gender binary. However, I also understand that there are two distinct types of people who may consider themselves bisexual. The former is attracted to males and females only, while the latter can be said to be gender-blind and can be attracted to people regardless of their gender. I consider the latter to be pansexual, though it is not the most popular word and often results in confusion and more questioning.

Finally, it is a sexual orientation. Most of my lesbian friends insist that I am bisexual but I do not see myself as such. To them, I have pretty much lost the supposed privilege of calling myself a lesbian when I got together with my MtF transsexual ex-girlfriend and the fact that I am now with an androgynous, asexual and genderless male. I guess I would consider myself a pansexual and a 5ish on the Kinsey scale. I am sexually attracted to female bodies only and am emotionally and romantically attracted to characteristically female traits only. I do have a fascination with trannies, genderqueers and people who are completely neutral, and I do make the occasional exception for someone who is not overtly and typically male. Oh well.

Labels are just that - labels. Pick whatever fits, and discard the stereotypes. Self-labelling may be empowering, but it is more important to be true to yourself. It makes me sad that bisexuals suffer from a serious lack of community though.
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Old 01-31-2009, 12:52 PM   #15
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What do people think of the Kinsey scale? Is it accurate? Or is it ludicrous? Is it a good starting point? Or is it completely missing the point?

Me, I think its somewhat accurate. I certainly like the idea of 6 levels of sexuality rather than just the 2.

This is the scale:

0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual; bisexual.
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
I'd pretty much class myself as a 1, in that I am very attracted to very fat women, but that's where it stops. I don't feel I have the right to label myself a bi-sexual at all, but i'd definitely dabble with the afore mentioned.
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Old 01-31-2009, 05:41 PM   #16
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Its great reading everyones thoughts and opinions! Keep em coming!
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Old 02-01-2009, 11:22 AM   #17
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On the subject of desires and sexual research I recently saw this article about some new research on that subject:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/ma...t.html?_r=2&hp

It's a long read, but interesting, going over a study about what people say arouses them and then what arousal is measured at the same time. Really I can't do it justice in a short description, but it is a good read for anyone interested in the topic.

For my two cents, it is hard to pigeon hole ourselves into preset definitions when our world just isn't so black and white, and it comes up whenever we try to fit ourselves with these sorts of labels.
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Old 02-01-2009, 02:38 PM   #18
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On the subject of desires and sexual research I recently saw this article about some new research on that subject:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/ma...t.html?_r=2&hp
Interesting article
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Old 02-01-2009, 10:15 PM   #19
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It always bothered me when my father in law and his ex husband always said that you're either gay or you're straight. I don't fall into either sect. I am very attracted to women but haven't had the courage to venture away from my relationship with my husband, who is my ONLY partner i ever had. He is all cool with me experimenting. (and not in the pervy stereotypical male way)
I think that there's all kinds of sexuality and you can't really help who you're attracted to.
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Old 02-01-2009, 10:19 PM   #20
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I use the term bisexual to describe myself when I have to, but in general I don't know that there really is a great term that concisely describes my sexuality. Since I look like a stereotypical lesbian, I think it is hard for people to grasp that I'm not at all what they think I'll be, and so this makes me even less inclined to feel like there is a term, other than queer, that describes my sexuality.

In a perfect world, I think I'd be happiest dating a fat man and a woman of any size at the same time. However, I believe very much in being connected to someone on every level in order to 'be in love' with them, and I don't know that I can do that with a man, so I guess I'm a lesbian-leaning bisexual, whatever that is.

In the end, what I value most is the intangible connections, not the physical, so maybe I really am just a lesbian. However, I drool over fat men at the drop of a hat, and am less likely to have that visceral reaction to a woman. Not to say that it doesn't happen with women, but it happens much more frequently with fat men.

See, my sexuality is not cut and dry, so I don't hold other people up to having to explain (or even understand clearly) the delineations of their sexuality. I also know that these things grow and change over time, and I think that is a good thing.
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Old 02-01-2009, 10:59 PM   #21
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Bexy,

Such a great post. Sexuality is not a code of ones and zeroes (digital). It is one of continues streams of ever evolving and inconsistent frequencies. I would love to have been your girlie boy - but alas, at 6'1" and 200 plus pounds I'd more likely be your womanly boy....

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Old 02-02-2009, 12:11 AM   #22
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Great topic Bexy!

AS for myself, I am straight, have had 'experiences' with woman, and will probably have more- however, I'm not bisexual, as I couldn't imagine myself dating a woman, getting nervous about what to wear, etc

It does seem so much easier for straight women to explore their curiosities than it does for straight men... more 'socially acceptable' I guess you could say.

That said, one of my close friends (known him since I was 9, i'm 21 now) came out a few years ago- I think he was expecting me to be shocked - I'd watched him date a lonnngggggg string of women, several being my friends as well, and he finally realised he was gay.

Growing up in the middle east, homosexuality IS frowned upon, but 'it' is there. It always has been, always will be. - It's just not a popular topic of conversation. So I guess in that way- I've always been quite sheltered from the gay community.

I'm finding it very interesting to read everyone's experiences, glad this part of the forum is around now!

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Old 02-02-2009, 04:10 AM   #23
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Can someone clarify what "incidentally" means as it pertains to the Kinsey scale? I want to make sure I'm understanding properly.

I agree. I've found myself significantly attracted to women. I have even had a sexual experience with one. However, once things got past the waist region, I found I was really only doing it because I cared about her and was attracted to her, not because I had sexual feelings for that part of the female anatomy. I was young and experimenting and questioning at that point, but that taught me that, no, I didn't want to go that far in my sexual experiences with women. To be quite honest, I was disappointed, because I think women are awesome. lol. Because I enjoy making out/fooling around with women, I'm certainly not perfectly straight, but it would be ENTIRELY misleading to even TRY to call myself bisexual. So...I usually just call myself straight to avoid confusing/hurting anyone.
I guess "incidentally homosexual" just means the occasional homosexual encounter or fantasy?

I feel the same way about my partner. He is an amazing person and I love him more than anything, but all attraction dies the moment I get reminded of his maleness. I was hoping that this awkward situation improves with time, but it hasn't. We have a stable and loving relationship otherwise (something I didn't manage to achieve with my female exes), but it is still depressing. :/

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Old 02-02-2009, 09:53 AM   #24
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Great topic Bexy!

AS for myself, I am straight, have had 'experiences' with woman, and will probably have more- however, I'm not bisexual, as I couldn't imagine myself dating a woman, getting nervous about what to wear, etc

It does seem so much easier for straight women to explore their curiosities than it does for straight men... more 'socially acceptable' I guess you could say.

That said, one of my close friends (known him since I was 9, i'm 21 now) came out a few years ago- I think he was expecting me to be shocked - I'd watched him date a lonnngggggg string of women, several being my friends as well, and he finally realised he was gay.

Growing up in the middle east, homosexuality IS frowned upon, but 'it' is there. It always has been, always will be. - It's just not a popular topic of conversation. So I guess in that way- I've always been quite sheltered from the gay community.

I'm finding it very interesting to read everyone's experiences, glad this part of the forum is around now!

Do you think that you define yourself as hetrosexual even though you have had experiences with women and intend to again because of the non acceptance socially? If you find women attractive wouldnt that make you bi-sexual? Or if you dont, what is your reason for these experiences past and potentially future?? If i am being too nosey tell me to fuck off!
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Old 02-02-2009, 10:21 AM   #25
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Do you think that you define yourself as hetrosexual even though you have had experiences with women and intend to again because of the non acceptance socially? If you find women attractive wouldnt that make you bi-sexual? Or if you dont, what is your reason for these experiences past and potentially future?? If i am being too nosey tell me to fuck off!
Well. As for the origional question..I love and hate bi-sexual people as much as i love and hate any peoples (though i dont hate many people). I have many friends who identify as Bi-sexual. One who is getting married in a couple of months to a guy (she is a woman), and another who just got out of a 10 year relationship with a woman (she is a woman). I really dont understand why anyone would have a problem with bi-sexual people. To be honest Bexy, i think the negative responses you have had from lesbian women are derived from insecurity and fear (theirs not yours!). Its a kinna in crowd/out crowd thing; People want to fit in, if they see people fitting in who are not like them they get all freaked out..only because they are not secure enough themselves. Also, i have known quite a few lesbians that have been hurt, not by bi-sexuals but by bi-curious women who claimed to be bi-sexual. I think it kinna screws up peoples sense of self if they are not only strung along (which can happen by all sexualities of people) but they are humiliated because the affair/shag/experience they have shared becomes meaningless, when the person they shared it with actually could not have reciprocated those feelings. Not only that but the Lesbian might feel guilt that the other party might have found the experience to be one that wasnt pleasant. And no one wants to think that their shag was not enjoyed!! Again, this is NOT Bi-sexuals but i am trying to explain why some "lesbians" might not be suppportive of real bi-sexuals.
Now. I dont like clutching onto a specific sexuality because i feel my sexuality (as is most peoples) is very fluid and can change depending on so many variables. History,Time of the month, the individual, how drunk i am.. etc etc..
I am never the same sexuality any day any time!
I have always had "relationships" with women. By this i mean we have actually exclusivly dated,lived together,been girlfriend and girlfriend (aww that sounds cute), though i have lived with a guy, who was my best friend and lover and i have had male lovers, more so when i was younger (though the last person i slept with before my current partner was also male).
If i had to identify with a sexuality, you would suppose i would say i was bi-sexual because i have been "sexual" with both male and female" BUT if i had to, gun pointed at head to chose, i would say i was a lesbian. Sleeping with men has ment different things to me than sleeping with women. I have had very powerful and deeply emotional bondings with boys but always there would be something missing for me and i cannot imagine being with a guy for life in that way..Though i have many male friends and really enjoy the company of guys.
I could go on forever. There are so many other topics that are offsets of this one.
Maby some people are attracted to a type of person..like how you were saying bexy that you are drawn to the "feminine" so a girly boy or a womanly woman would be perfect. Perhaps for some they could be attracted to men and butch women.
I think as well as a sexuality spectrum there is also a person spectrum, which i think can sometimes take people by surprise, because they might find themselves attracted to someone of the opposite gender from what they are used to because that "person" is their ideal.
I know very few 100% hetrosexual people. I know no women who have not fantasised about another woman. Though i know men who have never.
I am a lesbian bi-sexual, bi-spiritual and emotional, Fa, Bi-fatual who would be more bisexual if i was fat and would find being an Fa less important too and if i was a guy i would be gay or maby bi....i think Denzel washington and johnny Depp would make me straight though..
All this is waffles though, as i am with my soulmate, best friend and fellow traveller. She is a woman and so am i, whatever you call it. I call it love!
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