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Old 02-03-2009, 01:33 PM   #51
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I guess it would simplify things, but I can't get over my virulent hatred and disgust for anything too male.
Uh, define "too male"
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Old 02-03-2009, 02:00 PM   #52
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Uh, define "too male"
Well, most women and gay men adore physical traits associated with masculinity eg. a tan, chiselled facial features, broad shoulders, bulging muscles, ample body hair and a large penis. I personally find all of these traits a turn-off, even in masculine women.

Behavior-wise, I am referring to stereotypical displays of machismo. Again, this applies to masculine women too. Just a couple of comments that reek of aggression, boastfulness and chauvinism I have actually heard:

"My cock is bigger than yours! My car is better than yours!" (a need to stand out from the crowd)
"Man U is the best and I will beat anyone who dares disagree!" (I'm sure you are familiar with football hooligans in England)
"Hahaha I can belch louder than you, watch me!" (group of males start making the grossest sounds)
"Hey man check out those tits on that chick!" (cue lecherous whistling and cat-calling)
"Guess what, I made that hot model beg for anal last night" (male cheering and more ridiculous stories of their escapades)


Give an otherwise well-behaved man some alcohol and rowdy male friends... watch him transform.

Not all men are like that of course.

Last edited by Cors; 02-03-2009 at 02:08 PM.
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Old 02-03-2009, 04:23 PM   #53
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Oooh good topic, Bexy! I feel way too tired to write a good reply, but I am gonna try, otherwise I will be thinking about what I want to say all night!

Personally I think of sexuality as a spectrum...kinda like the Kinsey scale, but less defined. I usually describe myself as bisexual for ease, but I identify myself as pansexual, and also gender-blind. I am generally more attracted to a male appearance, but that can be butch girls with a vajayjay (!) as well as men (and I prefer my boys skinny, pretty and not too manly if we're going on looks alone here!) so i wouldn't necessarily say I was more straight than gay...sometimes I think I have more of a gay mindset than a straight one, but I can't really define what that is. Hopefully you understand what I'm getting at!

I do quite often think bisexuals get a rough deal. In my opinion, Katy Perry and the hoards of "i'll kiss this girl because there are boys watching" girls really arent helping matters! It really annoys me when people don't accept that it is possible to be attracted to males and females (and all that's in between!) and keep saying how I should choose 1 side, or that I'm really more one than the other. It's nobody's business anyway; when I was sorting out my sexuality in my own mind, I really wished I was either gay or straight, but I don't care anymore. I like what I like!

I get very irritated when lesbians (not all, i know!) won't consider dating a bi girl because they think she'll run off with a guy sooner or later. This is another example of the bi-chic thing really not helping the cause. Just because I like men and women doesnt mean I need/want one of each and I'm no more likely to leave someone for someone of the opposite gender than another person of the same gender. Currently I'm in a straight relationship. Up to this point I've dated more males than females, but I could see myself settling down with someone of either gender.
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Last edited by Gingembre; 02-03-2009 at 04:27 PM. Reason: edited for clarity.
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Old 02-03-2009, 06:07 PM   #54
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I have a two very good friends that are bi and I do think it's just as valid as being gay or hetero. And while I do agree that sexuality is fluid, I could never see myself being with a man. I'm just not interested in having sex or developing an intimate, caring, close relationship with any guy, that and I'm not attracted to them. Men are great though -- I love my father, brothers, best friend, etc...but that's where it ends. If I were to marry a man, it would only be for convience (the benefits), otherwise I'd be living a huge lie.
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Old 02-04-2009, 03:38 AM   #55
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Hm, I won't say I've been with more men since I don't actually consider any of my dates male. I mostly went out with stone butches (hard to define I guess, even they themselves aren't certain) and androgynous women (mostly female-identified). Among my more serious relationships were an XXY woman (biologically ambiguous but female-identified), a pre-op MtF (biologically male but as femme as can be so I consider her female) and one gender-neutral bio-male.

:/
ahh sorry, maby i should have said masculine identified people. and i also should have said 'some'. I think i misread what you wrote. I was really just trying to make the point that you should wear identity like clothes; for comfort, style and fit. I dont think it really matters what you chose to identify..its not really something anyone can measure. x
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Old 02-04-2009, 11:51 AM   #56
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Well, most women and gay men adore physical traits associated with masculinity eg. a tan, chiselled facial features, broad shoulders, bulging muscles, ample body hair and a large penis. I personally find all of these traits a turn-off, even in masculine women.

Behavior-wise, I am referring to stereotypical displays of machismo. Again, this applies to masculine women too. Just a couple of comments that reek of aggression, boastfulness and chauvinism I have actually heard:

"My cock is bigger than yours! My car is better than yours!" (a need to stand out from the crowd)
"Man U is the best and I will beat anyone who dares disagree!" (I'm sure you are familiar with football hooligans in England)
"Hahaha I can belch louder than you, watch me!" (group of males start making the grossest sounds)
"Hey man check out those tits on that chick!" (cue lecherous whistling and cat-calling)
"Guess what, I made that hot model beg for anal last night" (male cheering and more ridiculous stories of their escapades)


Give an otherwise well-behaved man some alcohol and rowdy male friends... watch him transform.

Not all men are like that of course.
Quoted, as its exactly how I feel!
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:59 PM   #57
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It always bothered me when my father in law and his ex husband always said that you're either gay or you're straight. I don't fall into either sect. I am very attracted to women but haven't had the courage to venture away from my relationship with my husband, who is my ONLY partner i ever had. He is all cool with me experimenting. (and not in the pervy stereotypical male way)
I think that there's all kinds of sexuality and you can't really help who you're attracted to.
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...

On the other hand there are men, even if not so many, who consider themselves to be bisexual, so I don't know how that relates to studies that say guys just aren't.

Something else I wonder about is the 'typical' male or female brain, and how many of us really are typical? Can a man have sexual programming more like a woman? Can a woman have sexual programming more like a man? I'm probably particularly interested because in my case, a lot of what I read about women's sexuality seems to describe how I feel much more closely than what I read about male sexuality, even though I'm a predominantly hetero-sexual guy. And when you think about it, how well do most of us fit into any particular category?
Where I work, I've had a few gay student assistants over the years... three males actually. Somewhere around this time I read an article in the L.A. times which stated that males generally tend to go one way or another... they either identify themselves as gay or straight... seldom bi-sexual. One of the gay students and I were talking about this, he also agreed that he didn't know of any (or very few) males that were bi-sexual. The article mentioned that it wasn't known if it was a phenomenon of the male psyche or of social pressure from other male peers which forced males to go one way or the other. I've always wondered about that. Personally, I have no problem with exploring my "feminine side" so to speak, and trying to better understand women in many ways, but I've never had any sort of physical attraction for other males. I wonder if males really do have the proverbial "one track mind".
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Old 02-08-2009, 12:22 PM   #58
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Wow, first off I have to say that I loved reading this post. It's really helped me a lot. Recently I've been kind of struggling with my sexuality, especially how to describe what I actually am. I don't believe that I'm necessarily bisexual..but I am attracted to girls. I just could never see myself dating one or having a relationship with one. About 2 years ago I started having these different feelings for certain girls, and I kind of told myself that it was nothing, basically I blocked it out and wouldn't even allow myself to admit it. It's weird because I actually have a lot of gay friends, I was a "straight" ally, and part of my schools' gay straight alliance. I think that I just like, couldn't imagine myself being that way, whatever it is that I am. A few weeks ago I went through some things and I decided to tell a couple friends, but I was having a hard time describing what I am. On the kinsey scale I'd say I'm a 1 at least, and maybe a 1.5-2. It varies from day to day, lol.

I'm just afraid that when I tell people that they won't understand what I mean when I say that I'm not really bisexual, yet I'm attracted to girls. I'm more attracted to guys than girls, and I want to be in a relationship with a guy, but I have these fantasies about girls sometimes. I feel like someone might try to make me decide and settle with one definition, but I really don't think I could do that.



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As for simply going by a "queer" identity, well, I can't exactly get away with it here. Sample conversation:

Friend: So, are you lesbian or bi?
Cors: I am queer.
Friend: Yes, but what exactly do you like? Men, women or both?

You get the idea. These days I am too tired and lazy to have to justify myself to a stranger who is probably going to react in an ignorant, negative way. :/
I liked this, and I agree. I don't feel the need to have to justify myself to someone, but I know that kind of thing will happen. I don't like the whole, lumping everything into 3 categories. There is so much more to sexuality than straight, bi, or gay/lesbian, but I'm assuming a good portion of the population only sees it in that way.

I'm fine with the way I am right now though. I mean I struggled with it for a while, subconsciously... but I'm finally seeing that it doesn't matter. It's nobody else's business but my own, and the people I decide to share it with. Now I finally realize that I don't have to categorize myself right away. Sexuality is fluid, and I can see that fluidity manifesting itself in front of my own eyes everyday.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:02 AM   #59
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I thought that this article might be of interest to some of the people reading this thread.

http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2...l-natures.html

Some interesting data points, as well as a good example of the confusion around these terms.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:09 AM   #60
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I thought that this article might be of interest to some of the people reading this thread.

http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2...l-natures.html

Some interesting data points, as well as a good example of the confusion around these terms.
An interesting read Edx! Though, in your weather report it said that in Toronto you were going to get "Flurries"!!! we dont get them here!! what the hell are they?? lol. Ive heard of macflurries.. Now, what i'm asking here, is your snow made of icecream??
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:15 AM   #61
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An interesting read Edx! Though, in your weather report it said that in Toronto you were going to get "Flurries"!!! we dont get them here!! what the hell are they?? lol. Ive heard of macflurries.. Now, what i'm asking here, is your snow made of icecream??
Flurries are the snow equivalent of showers, roughly.
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Old 02-11-2009, 08:20 AM   #62
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Flurries are the snow equivalent of showers, roughly.
ahh.. i thought "flurries" sounded like kinna gay snow!
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Old 02-16-2009, 08:37 AM   #63
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Old 02-17-2009, 02:12 PM   #64
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........i'm pi-curious.......i often sit and wonder about really understanding maths.
My wife often calls me BUY-curious: I'm a straight man that doesn't mind going shopping - though I find shoe shopping a BORE! I love to spend time in Barnes and Noble.

I'm straight, a confident heterosexual. I've had changes, opportunities, to explore my bisexual side, but when time came to "close the deal", I lost my 'salutes' faster than stocks have fallen in the past year. This was before my brother came out as being gay, and since then, his friends, lovers, associates, have all said "If anyone screams hetero (they've also called me a few other names), it's you Rog."

Recenetly, like in July, my wife confessed that she is, indeed, bisexual. She loves me, is IN love with me, and has no doubts about that. Her problem, as she sees it, is that she likes/loves other women, emotionally, physically, and sexually. She has written to be me extensively of what she's done, before and after marriage.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:00 AM   #65
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ahh.. i thought "flurries" sounded like kinna gay snow!
Hence McDonalds McFlurries!!
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:14 AM   #66
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Recenetly, like in July, my wife confessed that she is, indeed, bisexual. She loves me, is IN love with me, and has no doubts about that. Her problem, as she sees it, is that she likes/loves other women, emotionally, physically, and sexually. She has written to be me extensively of what she's done, before and after marriage.
That sucks....and is the sort of thing that makes some people worry about bisexuals, I think. It is too bad that she was not willing to be open about that far sooner, would have saved a lot of hurt.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:29 AM   #67
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That sucks....and is the sort of thing that makes some people worry about bisexuals, I think. It is too bad that she was not willing to be open about that far sooner, would have saved a lot of hurt.
She had told me it was due to seeing several women who had come out to their husbands, and each one ended up losing the men.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:37 AM   #68
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She had told me it was due to seeing several women who had come out to their husbands, and each one ended up losing the men.


Best of luck working through this man. You are a great guy, I'm pulling for ya'.
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Old 02-18-2009, 08:41 AM   #69
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Best of luck working through this man. You are a great guy, I'm pulling for ya'.
Thanks, it's a struggle, but so far, it's going well...now if she could only, well, medical problems, grrrr
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:06 AM   #70
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Hence McDonalds McFlurries!!
Haha.. thats totally what i was thinking!.. wow! Imagine snow was made of ice cream??! YUM!
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:56 AM   #71
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Haha.. thats totally what i was thinking!.. wow! Imagine snow was made of ice cream??! YUM!
"Watch where the huskies go. Don't you eat that lemon sherbert.." just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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Old 02-18-2009, 10:00 AM   #72
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"Watch where the huskies go. Don't you eat that lemon sherbert.." just doesn't have the same ring to it.
hahaha.. its funny..i was actually thinking "hmm..what flavour would 'yellow snow' be!!
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:19 AM   #73
bexy
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That sucks....and is the sort of thing that makes some people worry about bisexuals, I think. It is too bad that she was not willing to be open about that far sooner, would have saved a lot of hurt.
I agree edx. I have never been unfaithful to George and I know I never will be as I have picked him. Chosen to be with him him. Ok, I had double the amount of people to pick from as I like both sexes but it is George I am with. Bisexuality is not an excuse or a reason to be unfaithful to someone in my opinion and some people think seem to think it is and that annoys me. Or people think George is a "lucky bastard". Why??? I am never going to kiss or sleep with a woman now I am with him. That may be what some people's relationships are about but not ours. Bisexuality is not a pre-cursor for swinging, open relationships, cheating, polyamory etc.
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:16 PM   #74
dave_ross
 
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dave_ross has said some nice things
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see i don't see what's wrong with being bi sexual. though i'm bi which makes me biast
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Old 02-19-2009, 06:16 AM   #75
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I agree edx. I have never been unfaithful to George and I know I never will be as I have picked him. Chosen to be with him him. Ok, I had double the amount of people to pick from as I like both sexes but it is George I am with. Bisexuality is not an excuse or a reason to be unfaithful to someone in my opinion and some people think seem to think it is and that annoys me. Or people think George is a "lucky bastard". Why??? I am never going to kiss or sleep with a woman now I am with him. That may be what some people's relationships are about but not ours. Bisexuality is not a pre-cursor for swinging, open relationships, cheating, polyamory etc.
yeah, to be honest. I think women that go behind their husband/boyfriends backs with another woman are the scum of the earth. I think anyone who goes behind anyones back is the scum of the earth. Its just a betrayal of trust. I have never cheated on anyone though i have (which i dont think is right either) been with some married women/women in hetrosexual relationships. This was when i was younger and didnt have as much respect for myself as i do now. To be honest, in most cases the women i was with really played down their partner either saying they were unhappy with them/they didnt connect with them/ they really prefered women/ that they are about to leave thier partners... Its all bullshit really..if this was the case then why were they with them?? What pisses me off most about these women is the fact that they give bi-sexual people a bad name.
Though, i probs gave lesbians a bad name too.. (ie wife/girlfriend stealer/converter) though in every case i was never the one to make the first move..
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