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Old 02-03-2009, 04:35 PM   #1
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Default How out are you?!

Just curious to know how open everyone is about their sexuality. Quite a few of my friends know I'm bi, but I only started coming out about a year ago.

I haven't told my family because there's been no reason to. Who I'm dating is none of their business! Now I'm living at home again, though, so I don't have as much privacy...if I was dating a girl, I'd tell my parents, I just don't really feel the need to out myself as bi when I'm not involved with any girls at the moment. I'm not sure I'd have the patience to go into pansexuality/gender blindness with a lot of people though...I think I'd stick to "bi" unless it wass the very openminded/gender-aware friends!
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Old 02-03-2009, 04:58 PM   #2
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I am completely out as lesbian, but I am not visibly queer because I look femme. I don't feel a need to wear rainbow accessories or announce it to my acquaintances ("Hi, nice to meet you, by the way I like fat girls!"), but I will tell them if they ask. My parents are in denial - they thought their prayers worked because I am with a male now.

I have pretty much given up explaining the details of my sexuality.
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Old 02-03-2009, 05:03 PM   #3
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[QUOTE=Cors;1075683]("Hi, nice to meet you, by the way I like fat girls!")[QUOTE]

Really? Cuz thats how I usually introduce myself
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Old 02-03-2009, 06:03 PM   #4
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Very. Everyone that knows me is aware that I'm lesbian. It's not something I scream from the mountain tops and I don't rainbow rep, but I have no problem telling people. Out in public most people just assume I'm a hetero chick though because of how I express my gender and orientation.
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:07 AM   #5
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yup. completely. Though, i actually dont think about it, so if i meet someone new we could be chatting for ages and then they say "oh, are you gay?" Its really just a part of me which i dont feel needs to be shouted from the rooftops nor hidden from anyone. I came out when i was 14/15 so i have been 'out' the same amount of time i have been 'in'!
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Old 02-04-2009, 08:26 AM   #6
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100%.

Perhaps 120%....since a higher than expected number of people seem to assume that I am fully lesbian, vs the bisexual that I actually am. The green mohawk and army fatigues of past days have only fueled the fire, hahaha.
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Old 02-04-2009, 11:22 AM   #7
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My friends know that I'm Bisexual, my parents know but are in total denial about it.
My Father and Stepmother are worst, I'd say. They put it off as me just trying to be 'different' and 'rebel' even more. But it's not like everyday I dress up with buttons and banners that say "HI WORLD I'M BI" Lol.



Cors:
Your Post just TOTALLY made my day.
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("Hi, nice to meet you, by the way I like fat girls!")
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.... . . Yep. Still Giggling.
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Old 02-04-2009, 11:39 AM   #8
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Out to everyone that matters Not out to the likes of George's rents and such. But all my peeps, friends and surrogate family lol, they all know.
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:19 PM   #9
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Out to everyone that matters Not out to the likes of George's rents and such. But all my peeps, friends and surrogate family lol, they all know.
Do they know about George's crossdressing too? It makes me so sad that society is more accepting or at the least, more tolerant of gay people and even transsexuals compared to crossdressers. :/
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Old 02-04-2009, 12:47 PM   #10
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Do they know about George's crossdressing too? It makes me so sad that society is more accepting or at the least, more tolerant of gay people and even transsexuals compared to crossdressers. :/
I think because crossdressing has been portrayed in the media as something creepy.. that poor hetrosexual women come home too early one evening to find their stashioed hulking husband trying to fit himself into one of her dresses.. There are not many cool crossdressing rolemodels male or female which is a shame. Though i ment Brian Moloko backstage when my band were playing T-in the park and i was using the boys toilets cause the girl ones were full and he asked me if he was in the wrong toilet and i said "well maby..it can get a bit mixed up sometimes' He was very cute and was wearing make up and quite female identified clothes.. so i guess he is a kinna good role model.
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Old 02-04-2009, 05:09 PM   #11
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Do they know about George's crossdressing too? It makes me so sad that society is more accepting or at the least, more tolerant of gay people and even transsexuals compared to crossdressers. :/
No they don't. Personally, I think his dad would take a fit. He really wouldn't understand.
His mum would probably be ok, his mum really just wants him to be happy and doing well for himself work wise/relationship wise. So I don't see it changing their relationship if she was to ever find out. She might not be happy about it, but I don't think she would say that.
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Old 02-04-2009, 05:14 PM   #12
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I think because crossdressing has been portrayed in the media as something creepy.. that poor hetrosexual women come home too early one evening to find their stashioed hulking husband trying to fit himself into one of her dresses.. There are not many cool crossdressing rolemodels male or female which is a shame. Though i ment Brian Moloko backstage when my band were playing T-in the park and i was using the boys toilets cause the girl ones were full and he asked me if he was in the wrong toilet and i said "well maby..it can get a bit mixed up sometimes' He was very cute and was wearing make up and quite female identified clothes.. so i guess he is a kinna good role model.
I <3 Brian Molko.

Also, honestly, I really dislike men who hide it from their wives for years and years, and then suddenly expect their wives to accept and support it. I read another forum that is full of men moaning about their wives being horrible about it, and its like, what do you expect?!?
I always knew about George and was very happy about it. But had we been together for a number of years and he had suddenly told me or been caught out I would have been furious. Not because of his dressing, but because of the LYING.

But yes, that is the stereotype, your burly man trying on your clothes when you are out, putting on a dodgy wig and make up and prancing about the house lol! TV has a lot to answer for!
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Old 02-04-2009, 05:53 PM   #13
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I <3 Brian Molko.

Also, honestly, I really dislike men who hide it from their wives for years and years, and then suddenly expect their wives to accept and support it. I read another forum that is full of men moaning about their wives being horrible about it, and its like, what do you expect?!?
I always knew about George and was very happy about it. But had we been together for a number of years and he had suddenly told me or been caught out I would have been furious. Not because of his dressing, but because of the LYING.

But yes, that is the stereotype, your burly man trying on your clothes when you are out, putting on a dodgy wig and make up and prancing about the house lol! TV has a lot to answer for!
I totally agree! I don't have an issue with crossdressing at all, even if it is purely a fetish but I hate liars and creepy behavior.

Talk about crossdresser stereotypes, ick. My ex and I used to frequent an online portal for transgender issues, but it got overrun by your typical crossdressers. They clogged the forum up with grainy pictures of them wanking in their unsuspecting partner's underwear, harrassed the MtFs with sexual questions about wearing female clothing and often spammed our inboxes with invitations to their not-so-innocent dress up parties. Obviously the MtFs don't appreciate this, and it doesn't help that many people tend to confuse transsexuals with transvestites. Almost all MtFs I know hate crossdressers. :/

If only there are more decent, sweet and respectful crossdressers like George around!

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Old 02-04-2009, 06:05 PM   #14
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I totally agree! I don't have an issue with crossdressing at all, even if it is purely a fetish but I hate liars and creepy behavior.

Talk about crossdresser stereotypes, ick. My ex and I used to frequent an online portal for transgender issues, but it got overrun by your typical crossdressers. They clogged the forum up with grainy pictures of them wanking in their unsuspecting partner's underwear, harrassed the MtFs with sexual questions about wearing female clothing and often spammed our inboxes with invitations to their not-so-innocent dress up parties. Obviously the MtFs don't appreciate this, and it doesn't help that many people tend to confuse transsexuals with transvestites. Almost all MtFs I know hate crossdressers. :/

If only there are more decent, sweet and respectful crossdressers like George around!
I completely agree. I don't post on the only crossdressing forum I am a member of, as if I did all I would do is cause rows. Most, and I do mean most of the crossdressers on it live in a dream world, and someone like George just would not fit in there. Its things like this that cause a problem for us having any sort of social life that would involve his dressing, as we don't want to hang around with people like this.

When I did post, which was literally a handful of times, my first post was an intro post saying who I was etc.
I wrote how I was accepting and supportive of George. 90% of the responses were from guys saying "He is so lucky, my wife doesn't know and I have to do it in secret when she's out" or "Wow, I wish you were my girlfriend, my wife is such a bitch and doesn't like me crossdressing."

Ok, I know not everyone is into it, or even understanding of it but the way some of those men talked about their partners sickened me and I just couldn't post anymore. Some of them would post about "Yey the bitch has gone out and I can be me for an hour" etc and it infuriated me.

Once I made the mistake of telling a customer in work that my partner was a crossdresser. He had called the shop to ask about the sizing of our lingerie and was mortified speaking to me. (I work in a sex shop part time by the way).
I told him not to be embarrassed and that my partner was a crossdresser so I was happy to help him without judgement.

Well did that open a can of worms!! He began to call me all the time asking George and I to his house for wife swapping and dress up and even left me in pics of himself in PVC with an erection.....

I told him politely that was NOT what George and I were about and eventually he got the message.

I am reading this as I am writing and realising I am sounding very judgemental. Horrible for someone as open minded as me. But unfortunately I have come across so many creepy guys in work and online, that it does tarnish my view of some crossdressers and panics me in case anyone ever thinks of George like that
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Old 02-04-2009, 07:09 PM   #15
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I've been "out" about my attraction to women for years to pretty much everyone I know. Some of my friends are horrified....they just don't get it - but I suppose they don't need to.

I'm in a transition in my life with my relationship - I'm getting divorced - and I told my mom that my next relationship MIGHT be with a woman or a FTM and she sait that would be a wonderful change!!! LOL

I've Never Been in a relationship with a woman or FTM, but I'm ready for one I think.

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Old 02-05-2009, 12:52 PM   #16
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Though i ment Brian Moloko backstage when my band were playing T-in the park and i was using the boys toilets cause the girl ones were full and he asked me if he was in the wrong toilet and i said "well maby..it can get a bit mixed up sometimes' He was very cute and was wearing make up and quite female identified clothes.. so i guess he is a kinna good role model.
I envy you so much Brian Moloko rocks the most! I remember when I first saw Placebo on the Big Breakfast I thought he was a girl and was like oh shes quite pretty lol.

As Bex said before me I lot of crossdressers creep me out, not to sound judgemental or vain like "oh look at me i'm so great i'm the best crossdresser in the world blah blah", but there is a lot of men out there that give people like me a bad name and it's not fair.

I'm not a creep just a guy that loves to wear a skirt every now and again.
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:19 PM   #17
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As Bex said before me I lot of crossdressers creep me out, not to sound judgemental or vain like "oh look at me i'm so great i'm the best crossdresser in the world blah blah", but there is a lot of men out there that give people like me a bad name and it's not fair.

I'm not a creep just a guy that loves to wear a skirt every now and again.
Just to suggest that a lot of their creepiness may come from repressing things. When you make something a taboo, when it does come out it may no longer be associated with normal restraints ("it is outside the rules, so the rules don't apply" type of logic).

Not to say that they may not be creepy, just that I have a bit of sympathy for the confused fifteen year old they once were, who would probably also be creeped out by what they've become.
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:20 PM   #18
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I envy you so much Brian Moloko rocks the most! I remember when I first saw Placebo on the Big Breakfast I thought he was a girl and was like oh shes quite pretty lol.

As Bex said before me I lot of crossdressers creep me out, not to sound judgemental or vain like "oh look at me i'm so great i'm the best crossdresser in the world blah blah", but there is a lot of men out there that give people like me a bad name and it's not fair.

I'm not a creep just a guy that loves to wear a skirt every now and again.
Haha..i sound all name droppy now..which is something i actually HATE!! i know a lot of namedroppers! lol but i mentioned it cause Brian is the only cool role model i could think of for guys who play around with gender roles and he seemed really nice too. Though he did write 'Brian Moloko is gay' on the bar which i thought was sort of pointless..it just ment some shite paid person would have to clean it up. Hmm..i cant think of any other good role models though.. maby some nu metal types but thats kinna expected.
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:34 PM   #19
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Haha..i sound all name droppy now..which is something i actually HATE!! i know a lot of namedroppers! lol but i mentioned it cause Brian is the only cool role model i could think of for guys who play around with gender roles and he seemed really nice too. Though he did write 'Brian Moloko is gay' on the bar which i thought was sort of pointless..it just ment some shite paid person would have to clean it up. Hmm..i cant think of any other good role models though.. maby some nu metal types but thats kinna expected.
Theres not much good role models for us really which is kinda sad .

Composes list of famous crossdressing type people ...

Brian Moloko
Kurt Cobain
Marilyn Manson
Eddie Izzard

my mind has went blank now lol.
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:48 PM   #20
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Theres not much good role models for us really which is kinda sad .

Composes list of famous crossdressing type people ...

Brian Moloko
Kurt Cobain
Marilyn Manson
Eddie Izzard

my mind has went blank now lol.
Aye, i was thinking marilyn Manson. Eddie izzard is a god! Kurt Colbain is one of the most beautiful guys i think has ever been..he was like..erm jesus in a dress..on heroin or something! Not that i'm talking bout shaggin jesus or anything because i think that would be blasphemous.. though... didnt he wear a dress?? See-pink Jesus in my avitar. haha
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Old 02-05-2009, 01:54 PM   #21
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Aye, i was thinking marilyn Manson. Eddie izzard is a god! Kurt Colbain is one of the most beautiful guys i think has ever been..he was like..erm jesus in a dress..on heroin or something! Not that i'm talking bout shaggin jesus or anything because i think that would be blasphemous.. though... didnt he wear a dress?? See-pink Jesus in my avitar. haha
LOL Jesus is a good role model as well so he is a must for the list .

List of famous crossdressing type people ...

Brian Moloko
Kurt Cobain
Marilyn Manson
Eddie Izzard
Jesus Christ

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:00 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by edx View Post
Just to suggest that a lot of their creepiness may come from repressing things. When you make something a taboo, when it does come out it may no longer be associated with normal restraints ("it is outside the rules, so the rules don't apply" type of logic).

Not to say that they may not be creepy, just that I have a bit of sympathy for the confused fifteen year old they once were, who would probably also be creeped out by what they've become.
I total sympathise with that kind of person too, anyone who has hidden who they are because they felt they had to, or hated themselves for what they are. I hate the thought of anyone feeling like that.

But if you were to go on these forums, there are men who really do carry on in a creepy, pervy, even fiendish way. There are men who have a huge chip on their shoulder about crossdressing, and there are men who just seem to hate woman because we can dress in stockings anytime we want but don't. Its a bloody minefield lol!
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Old 02-05-2009, 09:47 PM   #23
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Ah, boy...
i'm pretty out as far as friends are concerned...
My family? WELL...
My mother got a facebook, and bugged me to add her, I did and then a whole bunch of my other family members added me too.

My facebook totally says I like men and women.
No one's said anything yet, i'm not sure if they noticed...

I guess we'll find out? Before this, the only family that knew were my sister and my parents.
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Old 02-06-2009, 08:39 AM   #24
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I am out to everyone who likes to ask me. No secrets here and if they have problems they can talk to me directly.
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Old 02-06-2009, 08:53 AM   #25
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The question of "how out are you" strikes me as kinda funny (for me, not for anyone else). As with my size, my queerness is something I can't hide. Yes, I guess I could try and look more feminine, but you know what, my awkwardness with femaleness would show through, as if I were cross dressing. So, even when I was sure I wasn't attracted to women, everyone else assumed I was, because of how I looked.

I sometimes think it would be fun, as an experiment, to make a big deal about being hetero. You know, sort of having to claim an identity at odds with my apperance and gender presentation, in the same way that GLBTQ people are 'stereotyped' to do.

Granted, I'm not exactly straight, so it would be a lie, but it goes to something key about sexuality and gender for me, the whole 'gender is performance' that Judith Butler argues. Could I have grown up a different way, without the pressures that we have to perform sexuality and gender in precise ways? Why couldn't I have grown up a masculine heterosexual woman, and expected the same access to partners and dates as any other woman?

Back to the OQ, yes I'm out without any effort on my part. Too bad that does not translate to more dates.
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