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Old 10-11-2011, 09:59 PM   #701
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However my gender identity issues only cropped up in the last five years or so.
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:41 PM   #702
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Yeah, same here. It was never really an issue or anything until after high school. I never really thought about it before that. I just knew I was different and accepted it, even though I didn't know what I was. Now as an adult in the dating and professional world, it's not so easy to take it as is.
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Old 10-18-2011, 09:37 AM   #703
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Originally Posted by The Orange Mage View Post
Picture time! I decided to use links since I'm a wimp and hate clogging up the board with giant pictures.
You are a hair removal whimp like I used to be. A couple suggestions for being bi-gendered:

You can remove the hair on your arms without notice. Trim them down to a shortish length (I use #2 on my beard trimmer, but that is arbitrary). After trimming, get some of the body hair bleach at walgreens or any supermarket and use it on your arm hair. You will have light colored short hair that looks normal in guy mode. If you are concerned about being noticed because of the immediate change, do it in winter so that no one notices right away. No one will notice when next summer rolls around and you simply have nicer arms.

Cover leg hair with the arm hair method plus sheer panty hose, or use dancer's (Danskin brand) opaque flesh-colored tights. I've actually gone to keeping mine shaved and use an epilator because my stubble grows too fast for shaving. Epilating is very painful the first time, but it isn't bad after you've done it once or twice and you stay smooth for a week and only need to do it once on the weekend.

Trim your brows over time. Start by using a beard trimmer and keep them more manageable (lots of barbers do this as part of the service and no one will notice such a minor change.). I use the #3 seeing on my beard trimmer. Over time, just clean them up a bit with tweezers. You will find a nice well groomed look that works in both modes. If you are confident enough, just tell a stylist to wax them so they look normal in both modes once you've done minor cleanup yourself and people are used to seeing them not-scruffy. If you're wearing full heavy makeup, you can use kryolan brow cover if you simply trim them.

Spend $30 on a lace front wig on ebay. Get shoulder length in a style that is colored and styled in a feminine way (avoid styles and colors that would look normal on a late 80s metal star).

Add light makeup and you are gold!
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Old 10-20-2011, 02:56 PM   #704
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Such comprehensive advice, Amandasevie!

IC it's been over six months? Eight? More? I never thought of keeping count and it just keeps getting better. Baby steps, giant leaps of faith, those epic instincts... it blows me away, every day.

As a woman slowly but surely growing into her worth, I deserve nothing less than someone who can keep up with, entertain and inspire me even at my worst, someone who is articulate and fearless enough to engage me on every damn topic be it convoluted, frivolous or painfully personal, someone who is feisty but possessing such fantastic communication skills and a personality so complementary that getting along is practically effortless, someone who keeps my demanding and fickle eyes, heart, mind and lady parts happy, someone who is attentive, brave, charming, gentle, intuitive, kind, loyal, open, patient, sweet and willing to overcome the years of fears and tears, someone who comes close to taming this fierce free spirit but merely picks up the reins and hands them back with a big smile...

I am for once, so emotionally attached and blissfully committed that the thought of even casual browsing makes my stomach lurch. Together, my equal and I are a force to be reckoned with.

Last edited by Cors; 10-20-2011 at 03:00 PM.
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Old 10-21-2011, 09:13 AM   #705
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Originally Posted by Cors View Post
Such comprehensive advice, Amandasevie!

IC it's been over six months? Eight? More? I never thought of keeping count and it just keeps getting better. Baby steps, giant leaps of faith, those epic instincts... it blows me away, every day.

As a woman slowly but surely growing into her worth, I deserve nothing less than someone who can keep up with, entertain and inspire me even at my worst, someone who is articulate and fearless enough to engage me on every damn topic be it convoluted, frivolous or painfully personal, someone who is feisty but possessing such fantastic communication skills and a personality so complementary that getting along is practically effortless, someone who keeps my demanding and fickle eyes, heart, mind and lady parts happy, someone who is attentive, brave, charming, gentle, intuitive, kind, loyal, open, patient, sweet and willing to overcome the years of fears and tears, someone who comes close to taming this fierce free spirit but merely picks up the reins and hands them back with a big smile...

I am for once, so emotionally attached and blissfully committed that the thought of even casual browsing makes my stomach lurch. Together, my equal and I are a force to be reckoned with.
Awwww, that made lovely reading!
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:32 PM   #706
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sometimes I just wanna touch some boobies.
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:43 PM   #707
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sometimes I just wanna touch some boobies.
sometimes I can't help but molest mine xD
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Old 11-04-2011, 01:42 PM   #708
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IC there's a really cute girl in my math class that I have a hard time not looking at. She's noticed, I think, but she hasn't stopped talking to me, so I'll take it. We had to go to a lecture hall for our midterm, and she said she was glad when she saw me because she thought she had the wrong hall.
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Old 11-06-2011, 08:55 AM   #709
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IC there's a really cute girl in my math class that I have a hard time not looking at. She's noticed, I think, but she hasn't stopped talking to me, so I'll take it. We had to go to a lecture hall for our midterm, and she said she was glad when she saw me because she thought she had the wrong hall.
D'aww.

I totally left a note for the waitress when I went to Steak-n-Shake last night telling her that she's cute xD
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:38 AM   #710
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D'aww.

I totally left a note for the waitress when I went to Steak-n-Shake last night telling her that she's cute xD
You have Steak N Shake out there? Jealous. Seriously. I haven't had Steak N Shake since I was in Missouri.

And:

IC that the girl gave me her number, she's bisexual like me. I e-mailed her asking for her notes from the past week, and she asked if I used MSN. I do, we started talking, and she asked me what clubs I'm in, and the GLBTA came up. I'm in a relationship, but so is she. She's in an open relationship, and I'm not in an exactly open marriage, as he's not allowed another woman, but because I like both genders, I'm allowed another woman. It at least makes sense to me, and maybe soon I'll at least have another friend.
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Old 11-07-2011, 09:53 AM   #711
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You have Steak N Shake out there? Jealous. Seriously. I haven't had Steak N Shake since I was in Missouri.

And:

IC that the girl gave me her number, she's bisexual like me. I e-mailed her asking for her notes from the past week, and she asked if I used MSN. I do, we started talking, and she asked me what clubs I'm in, and the GLBTA came up. I'm in a relationship, but so is she. She's in an open relationship, and I'm not in an exactly open marriage, as he's not allowed another woman, but because I like both genders, I'm allowed another woman. It at least makes sense to me, and maybe soon I'll at least have another friend.
Wait, you're married? o.o

But yeah we have like tons of Steak-n-Shakes here! you should totes come and visit, and enjoy the magic of Steak-n-Shake while you're at it xD
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:03 AM   #712
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IC that I posted a picture of myself in the "Recent Picture" thread in the Lounge and it doesn't resemble what I feel I look like in the least.
Aha! Here's what I wanted to quote.

What I feel I (should) look like is in this post on my Tumblr blog.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:37 AM   #713
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Aha! Here's what I wanted to quote.

What I feel I (should) look like is in this post on my Tumblr blog.
You and me both ._.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:38 AM   #714
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Permanently or once in a while? Sorry, daft question.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:12 AM   #715
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Aha! Here's what I wanted to quote.

What I feel I (should) look like is in this post on my Tumblr blog.
I'd be smitten That model is gorgeous!

I feel what you mean. If I could look like anyone, I'd probably want to look like Ville Valo or DJ Ashba. Androgynous, but still pretty masculine.

*eta: it makes me sad sometimes that I don't look more like a man than I do. I get sad that I've never been mistaken for a male, but it also frustrates me when I try to explain myself to a potential partner, only to have them act in disgust thinking i'm a crossdresser or something. Them having a problem with cross dressers and trans people saddens me and angers me, but them also automatically thinking that's what I must be angers me, too *

Also... I wish it was easy to "come out"/explain myself to those who know me. It's hard to say "yeah I wanna be more of a dude, but still be female, and still go after guys."

Too straight for gays, too gay for straights. Single forever.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:26 AM   #716
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Originally Posted by Cors View Post
Such comprehensive advice, Amandasevie!

IC it's been over six months? Eight? More? I never thought of keeping count and it just keeps getting better. Baby steps, giant leaps of faith, those epic instincts... it blows me away, every day.

As a woman slowly but surely growing into her worth, I deserve nothing less than someone who can keep up with, entertain and inspire me even at my worst, someone who is articulate and fearless enough to engage me on every damn topic be it convoluted, frivolous or painfully personal, someone who is feisty but possessing such fantastic communication skills and a personality so complementary that getting along is practically effortless, someone who keeps my demanding and fickle eyes, heart, mind and lady parts happy, someone who is attentive, brave, charming, gentle, intuitive, kind, loyal, open, patient, sweet and willing to overcome the years of fears and tears, someone who comes close to taming this fierce free spirit but merely picks up the reins and hands them back with a big smile...

I am for once, so emotionally attached and blissfully committed that the thought of even casual browsing makes my stomach lurch. Together, my equal and I are a force to be reckoned with.
This was a beautiful post.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:30 PM   #717
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Permanently or once in a while? Sorry, daft question.
Tough question, really. Probably closer to permanently, but I'd still like to be able to be androgynous enough for my taste. It's a bit hard to explain! At this point I wouldn't want to change my body, but if I can look like a tomboy-ish girl, then YAY! :s

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarlaSixx View Post
I'd be smitten That model is gorgeous!

I feel what you mean. If I could look like anyone, I'd probably want to look like Ville Valo or DJ Ashba. Androgynous, but still pretty masculine.

*eta: it makes me sad sometimes that I don't look more like a man than I do. I get sad that I've never been mistaken for a male, but it also frustrates me when I try to explain myself to a potential partner, only to have them act in disgust thinking i'm a crossdresser or something. Them having a problem with cross dressers and trans people saddens me and angers me, but them also automatically thinking that's what I must be angers me, too *

Also... I wish it was easy to "come out"/explain myself to those who know me. It's hard to say "yeah I wanna be more of a dude, but still be female, and still go after guys."

Too straight for gays, too gay for straights. Single forever.
You are very much the "flipped" version of me it seems! I'm a-ok with being physically male, would prefer to LOOK female, and I am attracted to women. However I'm blessed with the fact that there's a larger-than-I-thought chunk of straight ladies who actually LOVE the idea of a boy being girly in that way!

When my hair was at its longest (a little more than halfway down my back) I would get mistaken for a girl from behind often due to hair and how I dress, and sometimes even from the front unless my fuzzy brows gave it way...or if I spoke, of course!

Can there be a non-televised version of Extreme Makeover where they give me the full treatment and doll me up? I'd love that, lol.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:42 PM   #718
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So I finally asked her out, after a month of talking online... she's only seen pictures of me from the chest up. Should I tell her I'm fat before I meet her? How would I go about that? Will she even understand what I mean? The last girl said she wouldn't care... then she did. I wish there were more lesbian FA's in the community so I wouldn't have to wonder this every time I wanted to meet someone.
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Old 11-10-2011, 04:19 AM   #719
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I wish there were more lesbian FA's in the community so I wouldn't have to wonder this every time I wanted to meet someone.
Quoted for truth...

On a related note, IC that I'm starting to think that my girlfriend is an FA... or at least has a slight obsession with my arm fat. o_o
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Old 11-11-2011, 11:07 AM   #720
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So I finally asked her out, after a month of talking online... she's only seen pictures of me from the chest up. Should I tell her I'm fat before I meet her? How would I go about that? Will she even understand what I mean? The last girl said she wouldn't care... then she did. I wish there were more lesbian FA's in the community so I wouldn't have to wonder this every time I wanted to meet someone.
Send her some full length pictures before you meet up. It's the easiest way.
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Old 11-12-2011, 12:58 AM   #721
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Thank you Gingembre and Lainey!

TheOrangeMage, you know you can look that way or close enough with styling and makeup, though. It's hard to compare yourself to an airbrushed picture and you are adorable just as you are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarlaSixx View Post
*eta: it makes me sad sometimes that I don't look more like a man than I do. I get sad that I've never been mistaken for a male, but it also frustrates me when I try to explain myself to a potential partner, only to have them act in disgust thinking i'm a crossdresser or something. Them having a problem with cross dressers and trans people saddens me and angers me, but them also automatically thinking that's what I must be angers me, too *

Also... I wish it was easy to "come out"/explain myself to those who know me. It's hard to say "yeah I wanna be more of a dude, but still be female, and still go after guys."

Too straight for gays, too gay for straights. Single forever.
My sense of dysphoria (feeling like I am both male, female and neither, born in the wrong body with the ideal being completely androgynous) is probably milder than yours. Also, it is possible that I get away with it simply because I mostly look and present as extremely femme - I simply can't pull off anything else and I have tried, for years. I used to think I am destined to only be with others who are genderqueer but have realised that this isn't always the case. People with similar issues tend not to take mine as seriously and I have been with cis folks, particularly butch women and gay men who were pretty intrigued. I can understand that the average straight man might not take that too well, though.

A kind, open-minded and secure one genuinely interested in you for you wouldn't just make assumptions or write it off - hang in there, you don't deserve anything less! And, any kind of -phobia or -ism directed at a group of people is an absolute dealbreaker!

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So I finally asked her out, after a month of talking online... she's only seen pictures of me from the chest up. Should I tell her I'm fat before I meet her? How would I go about that? Will she even understand what I mean? The last girl said she wouldn't care... then she did. I wish there were more lesbian FA's in the community so I wouldn't have to wonder this every time I wanted to meet someone.
Weeze, I hope it works out for you! Full length pictures and specific numbers can be tricky because many thin people have a distorted idea of size somehow and may still go, "OMG you're so much bigger in person". You can never prepare her fully or know for sure, so the best thing to do would be to meet up and find out - if she can't get over that, her loss!
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Old 11-12-2011, 04:58 AM   #722
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TheOrangeMage, you know you can look that way or close enough with styling and makeup, though. It's hard to compare yourself to an airbrushed picture and you are adorable just as you are.
I've never fully gotten into "girl mode" before and I'm sure I'll be surprised how good it'll turn out. I just need to DO IT.
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Old 11-12-2011, 07:36 AM   #723
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I wish there were more lesbian FA's in the community so I wouldn't have to wonder this every time I wanted to meet someone.
I just want to highlight this about a bijillion times. I've never managed to entirely figure out how to navigate my fat sexuality and my queer sexuality at the same time. After falling in love with male FA-dom and the component fun, it's been disappointing to date womenfolk that are OK with my fat because they are also fat or because they aren't that particular about body shape. I would love to meet a woman that digs it in the visceral way of which I've grown accustomed.

I also always post a ton of full body shots and do everything but post my measurements to try to ensure an understanding that I'm actually fat, not just "oh my god, i'm so fat" as is all over dating sites.
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Old 11-12-2011, 11:40 AM   #724
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I've met three women who were totally into fatness. Like... refused to date anything but. But only one of them was very vocal and obvious about it. I do agree that it should be more lesbians in the "out" FA community.

One of them I didn't like (she was an alcoholic and rude to my friends), another lived in NY and couldn't travel into my city that much, and the other (most vocal) was already in a relationship when she said she was attracted to me.

One thing I've seen a lot of is... well... a preference bias... for lack of a better explanation. Lol See... a lot of the ladies that are honest about being lesbians are very adamant about only dating fellow lesbians. So bisexuals, poly, etc... they're totally against it. Which really sucks most of the time. It's an odd bias, don'tcha think?
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Old 11-12-2011, 11:47 AM   #725
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One thing I've seen a lot of is... well... a preference bias... for lack of a better explanation. Lol See... a lot of the ladies that are honest about being lesbians are very adamant about only dating fellow lesbians. So bisexuals, poly, etc... they're totally against it. Which really sucks most of the time. It's an odd bias, don'tcha think?
Yeah, I've noticed that... I've got three counts against me too, being pansexual, poly, AND trans. A lot of lesbians seem to think that trans women are actually men -_- *bitch bitch*
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