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Old 05-25-2012, 07:51 AM   #801
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I confess I'm having one of those moments where my attraction to males is waning. It comes and it goes, and I stay attracted to my husband, but there are times I don't want his touch, I want the touch of another woman. He understands it, and encourages me to go out and find a girl (who would understand that I'm just seeking a friends with benefits relationship [and no, he doesn't mean so he can watch... though, of course, he would not object.])
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Old 05-26-2012, 06:37 AM   #802
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I really need to stop crushing on straight girls. It just leads to heartbreak.
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Old 05-26-2012, 07:05 PM   #803
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I confess that I'm more fucked up after my last break-up than I thought.

I confess that what I want most in the world is someone I can call on holidays and not have it sound/feel rushed or weird.

I confess that I have typed and deleted three other confessions and that I'm sitting here crying now because of it.
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Old 05-30-2012, 06:31 PM   #804
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This is what had me bunged up trying to confess last time. It's rather lengthy and, while the entry itself is just text, the rest of the blahg is NSFW.
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Old 06-03-2012, 08:20 PM   #805
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This is not particularly fabulous, but nevertheless...

I tried to kill myself twice on Friday. First by cutting my wrist with a razor (this did not work as I was a wuss and discovered that razor cuts REALLY FUCKING STING) and second by walking out into traffic (which did not work as most people will stop for an angry looking girl staring them down). It was not a nice day. u_u
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Old 06-03-2012, 09:21 PM   #806
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia Rose View Post
This is not particularly fabulous, but nevertheless...

I tried to kill myself twice on Friday. First by cutting my wrist with a razor (this did not work as I was a wuss and discovered that razor cuts REALLY FUCKING STING) and second by walking out into traffic (which did not work as most people will stop for an angry looking girl staring them down). It was not a nice day. u_u
Sorry you are hurting so much. I'm afraid about all I can do is offer to chat with you, if you'd like. I'm frequently online during the day. I went to a friend of mine's lesbian wedding recently & I have another aquaitance who's M2F. I like to write a little, especially M2BBW stories. So maybe I could relate (shrug)
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Old 06-04-2012, 08:40 AM   #807
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia Rose View Post
This is not particularly fabulous, but nevertheless...

I tried to kill myself twice on Friday. First by cutting my wrist with a razor (this did not work as I was a wuss and discovered that razor cuts REALLY FUCKING STING) and second by walking out into traffic (which did not work as most people will stop for an angry looking girl staring them down). It was not a nice day. u_u
Please get yourself some help. Even if it's just calling a hotline. You deserve not to hurt this much. I wish there was something I could do to help you.
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Old 06-04-2012, 02:46 PM   #808
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Originally Posted by JerseyGirl07093 View Post
Please get yourself some help. Even if it's just calling a hotline. You deserve not to hurt this much. I wish there was something I could do to help you.
^^^^^ this! Please, please, please
reach out for help, somewhere, somehow.
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Old 06-04-2012, 07:14 PM   #809
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Originally Posted by JerseyGirl07093 View Post
Please get yourself some help. Even if it's just calling a hotline. You deserve not to hurt this much. I wish there was something I could do to help you.
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post
^^^^^ this! Please, please, please
reach out for help, somewhere, somehow.
+another1.

I've been in this spot too before. It's rough and if you need someone to chat with, I'm more than willing.
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Old 06-05-2012, 12:01 AM   #810
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Fourthed (is that even a word?)
Make that call. You're worth it.

And, please, keep us updated!
We do care.

-Rusty
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Old 06-05-2012, 11:02 AM   #811
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Originally Posted by Ample Pie View Post
This is what had me bunged up trying to confess last time. It's rather lengthy and, while the entry itself is just text, the rest of the blahg is NSFW.
Ugh, I can relate to cheating exes and that shit blows. It is not a reflection on you and you do deserve better!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia Rose View Post
This is not particularly fabulous, but nevertheless...

I tried to kill myself twice on Friday. First by cutting my wrist with a razor (this did not work as I was a wuss and discovered that razor cuts REALLY FUCKING STING) and second by walking out into traffic (which did not work as most people will stop for an angry looking girl staring them down). It was not a nice day. u_u
I'm sorry you are hurting and hope you manage to get the help you need.
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Old 06-11-2012, 09:18 PM   #812
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Pride is this coming weekend in my town. Going to go to that and hopefully have some fun. Last year I unintentionally attended because I went to a restaurant in that area and found out about it.

Not this weekend but next I'm going for a surgical consult for FFS. I have all the money, so once I get evaluated I just have to update HR at work on the 'when' so I can work out the vacation schedule(likely Jan-Mar 2013). I don't feel I have issues passing most of the time, but I really want this and I think it will boost my confidence; and having my nose work right afterwards would be nice.

Oh there is also a really cute guy at the Shiseido counter at Macys who I want to do nasty things with... Usually guys don't get me going this way, but damn. He's expressed interest before, so maybe.

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Old 06-15-2012, 05:24 PM   #813
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Have a blast at Pride and good luck with your consultation! I understand what you mean - and you are lucky to have such acceptance at work!
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Old 06-24-2012, 08:06 PM   #814
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Have a blast at Pride and good luck with your consultation! I understand what you mean - and you are lucky to have such acceptance at work!
Thanks!

I went to pride and had fun. It rained about half way through and I left, but still a neat thing for us sheltered midwestern americans.

The consult went well and I am going to be spending what I'd call a s***load of cash there. The time with the doctor was good, but the two recovering patients who volunteered to talk with me (and my mother who came with) made a world of difference. We all talked for several hours at the hotel (we all were at the same one) and I got a lot of recovery and surgery questions answered. My mom had a lot of questions, was extremely nice to everybody and I can't remember the last time I was as proud of and thrilled with her! She said on the drive back that it was nice to finally have met other transpeople(met 3 at docs office + the two patients). She said its too bad that tv shows oversexed poorly adjusted train wrecks a lot of the time given how nice, together and normal everyone is (based on myself and the other 5 transpeeps).

I really wish my dad had been willing to come as he would've probably learned a lot. He's not distant, he does get along with me, but he doesn't like talking about this stuff. He has the attitude of 'you know I don't like it, but I love you and it's not my decision'.
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Old 06-26-2012, 01:07 PM   #815
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This time last year my Ma was being somewhat homophobic,but we managed to move on. Today at the river there was a group of short haired,rainbow sporting women river-rafting in the current. I chatted up a few of them and they were snacking on our crackers , since their own stuff was up-river a few miles. A few of them started goofing with the kids I tend. Out of nowhere this little tiny blond girl with an amazing rainbow/Celtic back piece asked if she could touch my hair and I was completely cool with it but I glanced at my Ma and she actually kind of grinned and said "If someone ain't scared to put a hand near that mop,more power to 'em".

Once we got in the car she said I had a lot in common with 'the lil blond one' I actually only had Irish tattoos in common with her,but it was a big step for my Mother,so I agreed.

I was so proud of her. So proud.
I even exchanged numbers with three of the ladies,since they're in town for a few weeks Ma mentioned coming back to the river.
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:55 AM   #816
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This time last year my Ma was being somewhat homophobic,but we managed to move on. Today at the river there was a group of short haired,rainbow sporting women river-rafting in the current. I chatted up a few of them and they were snacking on our crackers , since their own stuff was up-river a few miles. A few of them started goofing with the kids I tend. Out of nowhere this little tiny blond girl with an amazing rainbow/Celtic back piece asked if she could touch my hair and I was completely cool with it but I glanced at my Ma and she actually kind of grinned and said "If someone ain't scared to put a hand near that mop,more power to 'em".

Once we got in the car she said I had a lot in common with 'the lil blond one' I actually only had Irish tattoos in common with her,but it was a big step for my Mother,so I agreed.

I was so proud of her. So proud.
I even exchanged numbers with three of the ladies,since they're in town for a few weeks Ma mentioned coming back to the river.

That's awesome, lady! Sometimes people just need to be around 'different' people to realize they're not that different after all.
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Old 07-03-2012, 08:37 PM   #817
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I'm concerned a friend isn't taking his HIV medication. I just lost Danny* from AIDS last year, I really don't want to lose another friend to it...


*Danny was a friend I met in a video game, and we became pretty close. We sent each other things back and forth in and out of game (he had no way of getting the Fluff brand Marshmallow cream! He said they didn't sell it in California!) I miss my friend.
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Old 08-07-2012, 09:30 PM   #818
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I have a crush on a straight guy. Damnit.
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Old 08-08-2012, 07:36 AM   #819
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I've been sleeping with this gorgeous MtF woman but she won't reciprocate. I bottom for her but once she's done she's done and she won't get me off. And she doesn't have much stamina so it's never a very long sexy fun time. I'm not sure exactly how to bring it up with her but I always come out of it feeling unfulfilled.
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Old 08-22-2012, 06:12 AM   #820
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I confess to having developed several crushes on straight guys for my tastes in their physique. Like, one had brown hair, brown eyes, a jawline beard kept in line, quite a stride to accommodate his weight (and it didn't help him any that he had his foot run over when he was younger, if I remember correctly), and had a country accent. <3

I confess to having come out to my mother when we were at a swimming hole, telling her I thought my sister's boyfriend at the time was hot. He was shorter than me, but he had some weight to him, and he was blonde. <3 <3

I think I'd probably get one more thing off my chest: I think I'm addicted to love. Hurts when I'm out of it, and when it feels good, I know I don't want to let it go. However, time and again, I keep getting slapped with reality and have to. T_T
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Old 08-29-2012, 12:52 AM   #821
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I really like this girl but I dont want to fuck it all up like I did with the last one I thought I really liked, and the one before that & the one before that...... I want to learn from the failed relationships but I dont know how to not fall in love.....
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Old 09-15-2012, 11:39 PM   #822
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I don't know where to go with this...

I'm a 20-something and I'm trying to find my identity and all that jazz. I come from a very conservative background, so I don't have anyone to discuss this with. I don't really associate with GLBTQ folk, either. Not by choice! I just live in a small town...and when I lived in Detroit, I was strictly there for school. I'm a nerd

Anyways, I've always had a liking for women and I've tried to become interested in men. Sometimes, I really like older, hairy, masculine men....but a lot of times I find myself gravitating toward other people.

I know this is probably to make my family happy and whatever. I know it's wrong to live your life for someone else's happiness. My mom and dad have hinted towards me that it would be ok if I was gay...but they always feel the need to emphasize that so-and-so was gay....but it wasn't pertinent to the story at-hand...I've never brought home anyone to my family because I'm scared. I'm not sure what I'm scared of, but I don't want them to know my business. This is really difficult for me, honestly.

I took several courses in college with a gay professor and I loved the freedom he allowed his students to express themselves. It really opened my eyes to how things COULD be. Meanwhile, I'd go to my apt alone and fantasize about women and sort of femme men. Currently, I'm interested in a man that just told me he's a CD. I was totally surprised because he is quite masculine and straight-laced. I told him how relieved I was with him telling me this because I like it. I like it a lot. So, I'm not sure what this makes me, regarding my interests, but I really hope I can just enjoy my life and partner. I also wonder if the GLBTQ community (here and elsewhere) would accept me? This is a totally stupid question, I'm sure. I just find myself in a proverbial limbo here. It sucks.
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:41 AM   #823
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F&P, I'm not a member of the GLBTQ community, unless you count 'supporter' as a member, then yay! but I think what you are attracted to is people, and gender isn't really your main factor or a factor at all. I also think gender and attraction to gender is much more fluid than we give it and ourselves credit for and just need to like and love whoever it is we ARE attracted to.
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Old 09-16-2012, 05:21 AM   #824
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I don't know where to go with this...

I'm a 20-something and I'm trying to find my identity and all that jazz. I come from a very conservative background, so I don't have anyone to discuss this with. I don't really associate with GLBTQ folk, either. Not by choice! I just live in a small town...and when I lived in Detroit, I was strictly there for school. I'm a nerd

Anyways, I've always had a liking for women and I've tried to become interested in men. Sometimes, I really like older, hairy, masculine men....but a lot of times I find myself gravitating toward other people.

I know this is probably to make my family happy and whatever. I know it's wrong to live your life for someone else's happiness. My mom and dad have hinted towards me that it would be ok if I was gay...but they always feel the need to emphasize that so-and-so was gay....but it wasn't pertinent to the story at-hand...I've never brought home anyone to my family because I'm scared. I'm not sure what I'm scared of, but I don't want them to know my business. This is really difficult for me, honestly.

I took several courses in college with a gay professor and I loved the freedom he allowed his students to express themselves. It really opened my eyes to how things COULD be. Meanwhile, I'd go to my apt alone and fantasize about women and sort of femme men. Currently, I'm interested in a man that just told me he's a CD. I was totally surprised because he is quite masculine and straight-laced. I told him how relieved I was with him telling me this because I like it. I like it a lot. So, I'm not sure what this makes me, regarding my interests, but I really hope I can just enjoy my life and partner. I also wonder if the GLBTQ community (here and elsewhere) would accept me? This is a totally stupid question, I'm sure. I just find myself in a proverbial limbo here. It sucks.
Well I think it is great that you are dating a CD, and I hope you have alot of fun.
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Old 09-22-2012, 10:28 AM   #825
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My feelings are this: The LGBTQI community has a very bad record for accepting anyone. That isn't meant to be a put down, honest, just an observation.

In the 80's gay men and lesbian women were fighting in Gay groups over whether AIDS or Breast Cancer research was more important. I can remember my friend David being at such a loss. He was a gay man and was being pushed out of his gay choir (this was in south florida) because he wouldn't draw that line and say one was more important than the other. My uncle had similar issues in New York City.

And back then, it wasn't the LGBTQI (etc) community anyway because those other letters weren't there. It was either the Gay Community or Gay and Lesbian. And people who fell into the other letters had to fight and STILL have to fight to be a part of that community. Trans* folk STILL aren't accepted fully. You see the "tra**y" word thrown around by gay folks all the time and they aren't called out for it.

Bisexuals are almost totally erased. And where is the P in there for pansexuals???

Not to mention the I for intersex...how long has that word even been something that people knew?! Other, more hurtful and wildly inaccurate, words are STILL being used for intersex folks even by people who are gay and lesbian, etc.

And I can personally say that I have taken way way way more fat-hate from the LGBT community than I ever EVER have from the straight community. In fact, a couple of months ago, my blog got pegged by a particular gay online community whose aim is to scare fat people for 'daring to fight for acceptance when gay's still don't have that.' I received death threat after death threat from gay men who said I was wrong to want to be treated with respect as a fat person when they still couldn't legally marry. Never mind the fact that I'm queer. Never mind the fact that fat and queer can intersect. No one deserves death threats.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I've seen more anti-fat from my LGBTQI friends and family than I have homophobic BS from my fat friends and family. And, I am speaking personally here, since I am fat and I am queer.

Not to mention, have you seen how Glee loves gay white guys and treats everyone else as merely plot points or scenery?!?

So...now that I've spoken the downside, let me try to make a freaking point: Gaining acceptance into the LGBTQI community is always always always rocky (from what I've seen in my life and in the lives of my friends and family over the years and historically). Because of that, I find that the best thing is to be a part of it if you want to and not to worry about how accepting of you it is. If you are Gay or Lesbian or Bi or Trans* or Queer or Questioning or Intersex or Pan or whatever, then you are a part of it no matter what anyone says or how accepting they are.

I say that because I want to encourage you to own your membership in that community no matter what. I say that because you ARE a part of it and I don't want some possible non-acceptance to ever make you feel you aren't. But not to erase the way it can feel to not be accepted.
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Last edited by Ample Pie; 09-22-2012 at 10:33 AM.
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