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Old 03-18-2015, 09:30 PM   #7501
Hozay J Garseeya
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I confess I've decided to be thin...we'll see how that goes.
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Old 03-19-2015, 05:45 AM   #7502
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I confess I've decided to be thin...we'll see how that goes.
Do whatever makes you happy Hozay! Just so long as you do your research and do it intelligently. Don't do any stupid shit that will wreck your health long term. Good luck dude!
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Old 03-19-2015, 09:19 AM   #7503
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<3 Hozay!!!! We support you with anything you choose...
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Old 03-19-2015, 02:48 PM   #7504
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Everyone around me thinks I have a plan and that I have things all worked out. In reality I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm absolutely terrified to not be a student anymore and to have to be a functioning adult.
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Old 03-19-2015, 03:10 PM   #7505
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I confess I've decided to be thin...we'll see how that goes.
You're already looking kind of thin, these days. Still attractive, though
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Old 03-19-2015, 04:38 PM   #7506
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Originally Posted by Hozay J Garseeya View Post
I confess I've decided to be thin...we'll see how that goes.
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Originally Posted by LeoGibson View Post
Do whatever makes you happy Hozay! Just so long as you do your research and do it intelligently. Don't do any stupid shit that will wreck your health long term. Good luck dude!
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<3 Hozay!!!! We support you with anything you choose...
All of this .... and somehow hoping you only mean 'thinner' and not what is considered 'thin' these days.

Because people whom society full on calls 'thin' are those who I want to send a care package or enlist in the world food program
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Old 03-19-2015, 06:46 PM   #7507
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Everyone around me thinks I have a plan and that I have things all worked out. In reality I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm absolutely terrified to not be a student anymore and to have to be a functioning adult.
IC - I can pretty much assure you that almost none of the other adults do either

"I can't adult today. Don't make me adult..."
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Old 03-19-2015, 06:54 PM   #7508
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Everyone around me thinks I have a plan and that I have things all worked out. In reality I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm absolutely terrified to not be a student anymore and to have to be a functioning adult.
Hah! Welcome to actual adulthood. You are now in on the club and you have learned the first secret my dear. Very damn few of us have any idea what we are doing most of the time. We pretty much fly by the seat of our pants and hope for the best and that we don't do any irreparable damage to anyone or anything along the way!
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Old 03-20-2015, 03:58 AM   #7509
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Hozay and Lille-- I'm seconding what everyone else said.
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Old 03-20-2015, 07:20 AM   #7510
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Pretty much. Haha

Some people act more "adult-like" though than others. (I try and stay away from them). The good thing, as cheesie as it sounds, is that you have a fresh start every day and no rules, right?

PS: You do have to buy your own toilet paper. Sometimes I still forget.


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Hah! Welcome to actual adulthood. You are now in on the club and you have learned the first secret my dear. Very damn few of us have any idea what we are doing most of the time. We pretty much fly by the seat of our pants and hope for the best and that we don't do any irreparable damage to anyone or anything along the way!
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Old 03-21-2015, 06:56 PM   #7511
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Haha, thanks guys. I had a graduation meeting thing at school that day and they were "So about paying off student loans" and "We're the alumni committee, what are you doing with the rest of your life?" and all that and it was a little overwhelming.
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Old 03-22-2015, 09:01 PM   #7512
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i spent the last hour reading about suicide methods. I'm not going to do it, but knowing it's an option is comforting.
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Old 03-22-2015, 09:09 PM   #7513
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i spent the last hour reading about suicide methods. I'm not going to do it, but knowing it's an option is comforting.
If you are researching suicide methods and knowing that you can kill yourself is comforting, I would seriously urge you to consider seeking counselling or help. I know that is the most cliche thing you could possibly hear right now, but imagine if anyone else said that to you - that the knowledge of how to kill themself was comforting. You would say the same thing, I reckon.

The knowledge of suicide might be "comforting" to you right now, but it's not an answer to anything. All suicide does is end a life for no fucking reason and then turn any temporary suffering you have into permanent suffering that anyone else that was ever in your life is going to have with them forever. Whatever pain or suffering you have now is either fixable, able to be worked around, or just bulldozed through as a strong person. Suicide takes away any and all options.
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Old 03-22-2015, 09:42 PM   #7514
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i spent the last hour reading about suicide methods. I'm not going to do it, but knowing it's an option is comforting.
Oh, lille. Things must seem really overwhelming for you right now, but you have so much to look forward to. I'm sure that also sounds cliché, but it's the absolute truth in your case. Please try to get a good night's sleep, and maybe tomorrow you can talk to your bf or your mom and remind yourself how much they love you. Hugs to you, and I hope things start looking up for you soon.
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Old 03-23-2015, 06:27 AM   #7515
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i spent the last hour reading about suicide methods. I'm not going to do it, but knowing it's an option is comforting.
I was right there not too long ago. And yes, it is a very comforting thought. There was nothing I wanted more than a break from all the shittiness for a damn change, a permanent release.

We don't know each other well at all, really, but the thought of a world without you in it just doesn't sound right to me at all. Perhaps because, through picking up details here and there from your posts, I've come to admire you in different ways. I'm not trying to talk you into or out of anything, or striving to convince you of things you might not be able to feel right now. But you should still just know that.

Do what you can, when you can. And pay zero attention to people's well-intentioned unhelpfulness, including mine. Talk is cheap, and this is about your experience, your truth. I genuinely hope things turn around for you in a major way soon <3
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Old 03-23-2015, 09:36 AM   #7516
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I wanted to say thank you so much for your concern and for taking the time to post. It really does mean a lot.

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If you are researching suicide methods and knowing that you can kill yourself is comforting, I would seriously urge you to consider seeking counselling or help. I know that is the most cliche thing you could possibly hear right now, but imagine if anyone else said that to you - that the knowledge of how to kill themself was comforting. You would say the same thing, I reckon.

The knowledge of suicide might be "comforting" to you right now, but it's not an answer to anything. All suicide does is end a life for no fucking reason and then turn any temporary suffering you have into permanent suffering that anyone else that was ever in your life is going to have with them forever. Whatever pain or suffering you have now is either fixable, able to be worked around, or just bulldozed through as a strong person. Suicide takes away any and all options.
I've been in therapy before and I know it would probably be helpful for me to go back. I tried to go last year but with school I just can't afford it right now. I do think about how it would affect the people I love and that's a big part of the reason I haven't done it even though I've dealt with the thoughts on and off for the past ten years. I'm going that once I move and get a job I can go back in to therapy, possibly go back on meds again if that's what I need.

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Originally Posted by MsBrightside View Post
Oh, lille. Things must seem really overwhelming for you right now, but you have so much to look forward to. I'm sure that also sounds cliché, but it's the absolute truth in your case. Please try to get a good night's sleep, and maybe tomorrow you can talk to your bf or your mom and remind yourself how much they love you. Hugs to you, and I hope things start looking up for you soon.
I was finally able to talk to my boyfriend around midnight and that helped a lot. Just hearing his voice helps ground me. He reminded me of all the good stuff I have going on in my life.

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I was right there not too long ago. And yes, it is a very comforting thought. There was nothing I wanted more than a break from all the shittiness for a damn change, a permanent release.

We don't know each other well at all, really, but the thought of a world without you in it just doesn't sound right to me at all. Perhaps because, through picking up details here and there from your posts, I've come to admire you in different ways. I'm not trying to talk you into or out of anything, or striving to convince you of things you might not be able to feel right now. But you should still just know that.

Do what you can, when you can. And pay zero attention to people's well-intentioned unhelpfulness, including mine. Talk is cheap, and this is about your experience, your truth. I genuinely hope things turn around for you in a major way soon <3
Thank you for your kind words. I've been doing pretty well recently, in not entirely sure what it was about last night that thing went so far downhill so fast. I think it was a combination of stress about running my groups this week, frustration with attempting to manage my diet and excessive without using a calorie counting app like I've been doing for the past three years, and then out of curiosity I went to check out a website I used to go on years ago when I was really struggling and I seeing that place just put me back there again mentally.

I am doing a lot better today and I really appreciate everyone reaching out.
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Old 03-27-2015, 09:15 AM   #7517
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I confess I've gone through and written some people off...and it feels great in a way. Sad in some, great in others. Fuck 'em.
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Old 03-27-2015, 09:59 AM   #7518
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Sometimes you have to. Come give me a hug.


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I confess I've gone through and written some people off...and it feels great in a way. Sad in some, great in others. Fuck 'em.
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Old 03-27-2015, 01:11 PM   #7519
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I confess I've gone through and written some people off...and it feels great in a way. Sad in some, great in others. Fuck 'em.
Cutting people out of your life can hurt, but I hope it makes you happier in the long run.
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:01 PM   #7520
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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
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Old 04-04-2015, 05:31 AM   #7521
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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
Out of curiosity, of the rings you have looked at at the family run store vs the Tiffany's store, have you compared the price of similar rings? If so, what kind of difference was there?
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Old 04-04-2015, 07:32 AM   #7522
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Out of curiosity, of the rings you have looked at at the family run store vs the Tiffany's store, have you compared the price of similar rings? If so, what kind of difference was there?

He hasn't actually started ring shopping yet so I'm not sure. The engagement is still a while off, we want to have lived together for a while first. We've just been talking about it and it definitely is the plan for the future. His family is pushing for him to do it asap though because us living together without even being engaged is scandalous. His dad is convinced we're secretly already engaged and hiding it. Last time he visited them his mom and grandma kept trying to give him rings so he could propose now.

But even without directly comparing, I've seen articles where people have compared Tiffany's to other places and it is definitely more expensive.
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Old 04-04-2015, 11:34 AM   #7523
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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
I completely understand where you are coming from and that it's not so much about the ring itself or what it costs, but it's everything else that you connect with it in your mind about rings and weddings and such. However, I might add that not only in the matter of practicality and financial concerns, there is another option when it comes to diamond rings. Even though they may use 'conflict free" diamonds and they may try to use the least environmentally damaging mines, just the very nature of the business and the scant few players that control all of the worlds diamonds, at least indirectly you will still be paying into the system that contributes to these practices. If you truly want to do no harm then perhaps looking at lab created diamonds. Completely indistinguishable from naturally occurring diamonds and totally ethical and sustainable. I would just caution to make sure they are type IIa CVD diamonds and not anything called diamond simulant as those are usually moissanite or CZ. They typically run about 30% less that natural diamonds.

A lot of people talk about it taking the "emotion" out of the engagement or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean, but to me it's complete horseshit. The ring itself is the symbol, the rock sitting on it is purely for decoration purposes only and has about as much "emotion" as a piece of gravel from your driveway!

As I said above, I do understand your other reasons for wanting a Tiffany ring, and it's not wrong either to want it. I just wanted to throw out there that there are other options as well. Good luck!
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:22 PM   #7524
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My boyfriend is practical and thinks it's stupid to pay for a name and so is planning on getting my engagement ring at a local family run jewelry store. As much as I love the idea of a custom ring he designed for me, there's a piece of my that has my heart set on a ring from Tiffany's. I remember going in the NY store as a kid (a kid who didn't really have much interest in jewelry) and being amazed. It's just like Holly Golightly says in the novel (which I fell in love with when I read it for school), you feel like nothing bad could ever happen there. There's one in the mall by me and even though I'm a broke grad student the man in the fancy suit always greets me and they let me try on rings and act like I'm important. It's an experience. Plus they only use conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake.
Sorry girl - but you sound like the cliché of the advertisement victim brat!

Having something personally made for you, that is unique and no one else has is the most precious thing there is today in times of mass production. (Which Tiffany is by the way, no matter how exclusive a touch they give themselves...)

Grow up, live your own life - don't try to replicate that of a fictional character who probably is of your grandparent's generation!
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Old 04-04-2015, 03:27 PM   #7525
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Default ^That's actually the one other option I forgot to mention...

[I put that subject line there before I realized someone else posted between LG & I. So, just to to add: fritzi, with all due respect, and even as much as I normally enjoy many of your insights, I just don't feel like that's constructive here. For one thing, even as I'm not so, so into this kind of thing, even I realize that Tiffany's is not just-another brand here. They command more for what they do because, generally, they're pretty good at it. Both the designs and the service, the whole experience. So, no shortage of people perfectly willing to pay for that. Likewise, just because something's custom-made, doesn't necessarily make it a better fit for whoever it's being made for:]

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"...family is pushing for him to do it asap though because us living together without even being engaged is scandalous. His dad is convinced we're secretly already engaged and hiding it. Last time he visited them his mom and grandma kept trying to give him rings so he could propose now.."
Sort of suspecting this is really the deeper, underlying issue. Without this, possibly the whole thing just resolves itself. Still:

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Originally Posted by lille View Post
"...conflict free diamonds and try to use the least environmentally damaging mines. I just don't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a spoiled brat who just wants the fancy name for the name brand's sake."
I'm personally kind of skeptical at the whole idea of a conflict-free diamond. I don't believe it exists, in truth. [Aside, of course, from what LeoGibson was talking about]

If stuff like that is what's truly important to you, then you can't do any better than any kind of second-hand jewelry. This could be something from his own family, of some sentimental value (great-grandmother's, grandmother's, mother's ring, etc..) It's kind of an old-school tradition, you typically see more as the groom proposing has/had some strong relationship with a family member who's now deceased. Or that there's some story or history to the piece itself. Although, actually, it could also be your own ring, from your own family; that's not totally unheard of either. It also bears mentioning that there's, additionally, a myriad of other ways purchase used rings, anything from the most conventional-looking diamond engagement ring to something with more of a vintage-look to actual antiques. And so, another principle advantage being that, unlike your more traditional retail purchase, this will tend to hold more of its value a bit better; that is, providing you find a good deal from a reputable merchant.

Of course, for an engagement ring, and for most people, that's all totally besides the point. Which is why, really, the most practical thing of all is for you to just tell him exactly what it is you really want. And then he just goes out and buys it precisely for that reason, makes it worth every penny. The how or why of it is sort of immaterial since the whole point of any kind of diamond is its unadulterated extravagance.

The real challenge is in better determining exactly what it is you want. So, if it's only a matter of it being from Tiffany, getting that bag & box, there's some more modestly priced rings available there. (Like any retailer, they're going to compete in as broad a section of the market as they practically can, without compromising their brand). Particularly if it isn't necessarily a traditional engagement ring that you want from there; as they sell all kinds of rings (& bracelets, earrings, pendants, etc…& are always coming up with new designs.) Alternatively, if it's just the style of their traditional setting that's most important to you, there are lots of jewelers who can produce something similar enough, but without the actual Tiffany-branding on it. Likewise, and for a fraction of the original cost, you can also indeed buy a bona-fide & certified/stamped Tiffany ring & setting second-hand/used as well. With the original box/bag or whatever other packaging. And, if I'm not mistaken, they will actually service it the same (re-fit, polish, etc...) as if you bought it directly from Tiffany? Because, after all, there are some people who purchase & return or re-sell even some of highest quality jewelry for any of a number of reasons (impulse purchase one thing, end up going with something else).

There are so many options and variations, and especially given the money involved, it's well worth it to try to have some open-ended discussion about it; because, ultimately, you will find that will tend to generate more ideas than obstacles. (e.g. looking at designs, in general you get a more particular idea for a type of vintage ring that you can buy used. Or, looking at all kinds of rings (for sale), you get a better idea of just how you want your own to be designed.)

Last edited by Yakatori; 04-04-2015 at 03:43 PM. Reason: No, wait, it's gotta be your bull.
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