Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > Main Dimensions Board



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-07-2009, 03:30 PM   #1
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default Being Fat and Mental Health/Self Worth/Happiness

I've been thinking about the impact that the negative messages about fat that saturate our daily lives has on fat people.

I know that one reason I come to Dimensions is because it often lets me feel that I'm escaping some of the excess of negative messages about fat that I encounter everywhere on a daily basis. I call this excess of negative messages about fat, "Fat-Phobia," because I see it as rooted in a deep fear of the freedoms that fat represents.

Unfortunately, I find that even Dimensions is not a place that's free of negative messages about fat. It seems no matter where you go, there's the fact of having to deal with prejudice and assumptions about fat that have little to do with how we really are in the world, as fat people.

Even when Dimensions is helpful (which is to say, it is helpful a lot, as I mentioned), there's still the fact that we can't live all or even most of our lives in this little fatopia/fat ghetto we've made for ourselves. At some point, we're all required to return to "the Real World"--whether to make our living, or because our stomachs are rumbling (virtual food is not as satisfying as virtual flirting, somehow ), or because our SOs are clamoring for us to come to bed. And when we return to reality after indulging our need to be online, there are those scads of negative attitudes about fat staring at us everywhere.

I find the cumulative weight of all of that hatred toward fat bodies can be oppressive, speaking as a fat person. It's not something that's easy to escape, either, since I can't afford to dettach myself from the reality of living in the world and getting along in it.

So I wonder what others have found for themselves about the real impact (the impact on your own daily lives) of the negative messages aimed at fat and fat bodies.

Also, how do you personally (if you're a fat person) deal with those messages and maintain your sense of worth and your direction in life, without letting it all discourage you or keep you from enjoying life.
__________________
......................
|:| Sponsor a puppy or kitten. |:|

Last edited by Fascinita; 03-07-2009 at 03:50 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 03:51 PM   #2
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Good questions Fasc. I think I'm just selective about the messages I take in. Some things I can easily ignore and some things I can't. That said, I don't think there has been an extended period of time where I did forget about the messages at all, and I know if not for those messages I wouldn't identify so much as a fat person. The times I can't escape those messages in my daily life are the times when I get dirty looks from people or when thin people say innocent things from their perspective and expect me know where they are coming from. They don't understand that I don't fit into things the way they do so those moments where they want to relate to me become awkard for me. Sometimes I let it go and sometimes I don't. Just depends on my mood.

How I deal with all the messages just depends on the mood I'm in. Sometimes I'm in a fuck you world kinda mood and it's easy to dismiss it all. Sometimes I am confused and upset and dismissal is not so easy. In general tho an "I'm here, get used to it!" attitude is the one I employ most. But lately, the thing I've been reminding myself of most often is that I have a right to have desires - any desires I want - and to act on them just like thin people can and do. My size shouldn't stop me from doing most of what I want. Notice how I said *most.* For those other parts I struggle with....having a therapist helps a lot. This forum helps a lot too.
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 05:23 PM   #3
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by olwen View Post
The times I can't escape those messages in my daily life are the times when I get dirty looks from people or when thin people say innocent things from their perspective and expect me know where they are coming from.
I know. I find it's almost always possible to escape, as you say, at least by conciously reaffirming my choice of "opting out" of those messages. But then someone'll say something insulting/demeaning or look at me with that well-meaning look of "but you have such a pretty face! and you're so smart!" on her face, and I run face-first into the hard fact: that for MOST people the "reality" is that "fat = bad." That really is how they see the world, and in that "reality" I am seen as at best an impoverishedly imagined version of what it means to be a person, and at worst I'm seen as a disgusting loser and a reject with whom no other person would ever want to be.

So it's something about the nature of reality... There's an ugly truth in having to recognize that "reality" is what people say it is, for all intents and purposes. If people act from a certain set of beliefs, and if those actions define the world around me (and for me), what chance do I really have of escaping that reality? I can fight that feeling of being co-opted into a reality that I did not create but that affects me nonetheless, but the truth is that it takes a lot of energy. So at the end of the day, I still live in a world in which fat bodies are hated and demeaned.

And I don't know that we can really escape that, no matter where we run to. That's what I'm afraid of, anyway.

Last edited by Fascinita; 03-07-2009 at 05:27 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 06:44 PM   #4
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I've put some thought into this lately as I was recently diagnosed with diabetes.Everyone I know thinks that I ate my way to this situation,but in reading clinical trials,there are diabetes genes.As it turns out I am most likely obese because of the diabetes not the other way around.Not that I did anything to stop it.Lord,I love to eat.

My point is,if qualified doctors still look at me as fat and responsible,how will anyone else ever look at me any differently.Doctors are supposed to be intelligent.Your average little old lady who is horrified by your size is a different matter.As she slowly slides away from you in the checkout line,like she's going to catch it.It is not going to change,I'm afraid.I think I am going to have to change the way I react.This is going to be very difficult for me.Most of what is thrown at me,I can let it roll off.I have little faith in people anyway.I can ignore a lot.There are days when it gets to me.Days when every moment seems like a mountain.

Having been overweight for a long time I find the older I get the less I care.Yes,I am smart and I do have a pretty face but that's not all that I am,but some people will never know that because they can't get past my body.That is their loss.
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 06:55 PM   #5
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
Most of what is thrown at me,I can let it roll off.I have little faith in people anyway.I can ignore a lot.There are days when it gets to me.Days when every moment seems like a mountain.
Part of what makes me angry about the state of these things is that I don't want to have to be on the defense everywhere I go. Nor do I want to have to make myself numb to deal with it. That alone takes a lot of work!

You're right, steely, that it gets easier as one gets older. At least in my experience it's been so. But I look back and realize how much energy and time it's taken me just to learn how to be at peace with myself and to protect myself from all the BS, and THAT makes me angry. lol

Most of all, I wish that girls and women younger than I am could look forward to living in a world that doesn't make them feel despised when they grow fat. The amount of life energy that it takes to work through it and reach an evel keel is staggering. I don't wish that on my worst enemy.

ETA: THANKS for posting, olwen and steely. Nothing's worse than feeling like you're not being heard at precisely the moments when you feel you need to be heard most.

Last edited by Fascinita; 03-07-2009 at 07:00 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 07:24 PM   #6
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

How is anyone supposed to feel comfortable in their own skin?Take the Jessica Simpson incident recently.140 pounds being crucified.The main problem is you not only get it from strangers,you get that crap from family as well.Is it any wonder you've got 12 year olds starving themselves to death?It's crushing,debilitating and destroying young girls everywhere.

It is exhausting to put up that wall but I have no choice.I can't let myself suffer the slings and arrows without losing myself completely.I've done it for so long it's second nature.I really wish I could be different but I have no idea how.Why would I want to?

You've caught me on a night when my blood sugar is low and my meds are spacing me out.On nights like this you get the truth,no walls involved.One day I might get to the understanding that I am stronger for being fat or weaker for not being able to stand on my own and BE fat.
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 07:29 PM   #7
Dr. Feelgood
intellectual nerd
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: the Twilight Zone
Posts: 4,561
Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.Dr. Feelgood has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
But I look back and realize how much energy and time it's taken me just to learn how to be at peace with myself and to protect myself from all the BS, and THAT makes me angry. lol
Boy, oh boy, did this ever hit home! I've been working at this since I was twelve, anyway, and I know I'll have to keep working at it as long as I live: the task is never over!* The thing is -- and I know you realize this, too, but if you're like me you forget it sometimes -- EVERYBODY has to learn how to protect himself/herself from the BS. It's just that, for different people, it's different BS.

*Well, yeah, when they put me in the box I can relax -- in fact, I'm pretty much bound to relax -- but until then, it's a struggle.
__________________
Now all you women,
Don't you come around
Unless you weigh
'Bout fo' hundred pound...
-- Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
Dr. Feelgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 07:52 PM   #8
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
You've caught me on a night when my blood sugar is low and my meds are spacing me out.On nights like this you get the truth,no walls involved.One day I might get to the understanding that I am stronger for being fat or weaker for not being able to stand on my own and BE fat.
I appreciate you contribution. And I do hope you feel better soon. Please let me hear more of what you think about this at some later time. I love touching base with people about our common experiences. IT's immensely helpful to me--so it's mostly selfish--but I also hope that the conversations that result can somehow shed light on this difficult issue for those who are reading silently.

All my best to you, Steely. Love and light.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 08:06 PM   #9
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
*Well, yeah, when they put me in the box I can relax -- in fact, I'm pretty much bound to relax -- but until then, it's a struggle.
I recognize the gentle humor of the Zen stick in these words, maybe. Soon we'll all be dead.

Thanks for your perspective, Dr. Feelgood. It indeed makes me feel a little gooder.



One way I would challenge your assertion about "different BS for different people" is that often it feels like the BS heaped on fat bodies is "extra BS." I can't help but feel that fat people are in the midst of having a social injustice foisted on us as fat becomes more and more a scapegoat and recipient of the worst of the consequences of human instincts: first to define ideological difference and otherness and later to justify a system of social oppression based on the definition of that difference.

In the end I'm talking precisely about the need to address the social justice aspects of prejudice against fat. Other groups have organized and fought against discrimination and prejudice; and discrimination and prejudice are worth doing battle against precisely because they are not only abstract concepts, but have impact in real ways in real people's lives.

I don't want to discount the real impact that fat-phobia has had in my daily life because I don't think I should have to be fine with fat people being assumed to be EVERYBODY's whipping boys. That would be to give too much power away. It would be like being told I'm a slave and that at any moment I could be made to kneel by anyone who happened to be passing by, and made to do as I'm told. I just couldn't consent to that and keep my feeling of self-worth and integrity.

Does any of that make any sense?

Last edited by Fascinita; 03-07-2009 at 08:09 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2009, 09:53 PM   #10
imfree
VLF Loop Rancher
 
imfree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Tn Loop Ranch (Lebanon, Tn.)
Posts: 9,317
imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.imfree has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default Peace

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fascinita View Post
I've been thinking about the impact that the negative messages about fat that saturate our daily lives has on fat people.

.....snipped......
Also, how do you personally (if you're a fat person) deal with those messages and maintain your sense of worth and your direction in life, without letting it all discourage you or keep you from enjoying life.
Personally, this is the way I look best to myself and have
peace with my own body. I have no trouble dealing with
the ignorance and hatred of others because I know my
body is suitable for doing what I do best, repair and
design of electronic devices at circuit board level. My life
is not very physical, but few people go as deep into
circuits as I do.

I don't hate myself or loathe my body because I'm fat.
I manage my health conditions diligently and I am
blessed with decent health, considering all these things
that are wrong with me. I had cellulitis 23 years before
it put me in the hospital these 2 times, but I'm pretty
sure they killed it off this time. My blood sugar control
and oxygen saturation continue to improve.

I don't let the media do my thinking for me and I'm
sickened by their technique. The media supports
the diet/weight-loss industry by preying on people's
insecurities, while that industry is not even held
accountable for the efficiency and safety of their
products. I'd love to see all that wasted money
and time go back into the economy!

I'm OK with who and what I am. Most people I meet
see past the fat quickly and treat me with kindness
and respect. The haters are so hell-bent on hating
fat people that I wonder if it's even possible to
reason with them, so I tend to avoid haters. Some
people just won't ever get it.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Not pious, just saved by grace. Your true Christianity
shows in how you treat those who hate you.

You got to lose to know how to win.(Aerosmith-Dream On)

Fat is like grass, it'll never go away and there's a hell
of a lot of money to be made by controlling it!

Life is only therapy, real expensive and no guarantees.

Fat is only ugly to those who hate.

Federal Pacific Panels & Breakers have known fire hazards!
imfree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 07:07 AM   #11
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I know I'm going to get the beat down for this but society is different with men.You don't see pictures on TV or magazines if a male celeb gains 20 pounds.It's different for women,somehow by being fat you're letting down the whole world.It gets tiresome holding the weight of womanhood on your shoulders.

I don't hate my body for being fat.I hate other peoples reaction to it.Fat is the last thing people hate with such intensity.Being black,being homosexual and other differences have had light shed on them and the predjudice is still there.You still get haters but not like fat haters.

I guess I'll find out tommorow how strong I am.I have joined the aquatic center to help get some exercise to manage this diabetes.When I come out in a swimsuit,I guess I'll see what I'm made of.

Thanks Fasc,I'm alright.I'm new to diabetes so I'm still learning to manage it.Sometimes my bg drops lower than my body is used to being.410 to 75 is a big drop.All this time I thought I was the one being selfish
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 07:15 AM   #12
Green Eyed Fairy
Flash Dancing
 
Green Eyed Fairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In Your Head
Posts: 18,062
Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.Green Eyed Fairy has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
I know I'm going to get the beat down for this but society is different with men.You don't see pictures on TV or magazines if a male celeb gains 20 pounds.It's different for women,somehow by being fat you're letting down the whole world.It gets tiresome holding the weight of womanhood on your shoulders.

I don't hate my body for being fat.I hate other peoples reaction to it.Fat is the last thing people hate with such intensity.Being black,being homosexual and other differences have had light shed on them and the predjudice is still there.You still get haters but not like fat haters.

I guess I'll find out tommorow how strong I am.I have joined the aquatic center to help get some exercise to manage this diabetes.When I come out in a swimsuit,I guess I'll see what I'm made of.

Thanks Fasc,I'm alright.I'm new to diabetes so I'm still learning to manage it.Sometimes my bg drops lower than my body is used to being.410 to 75 is a big drop.All this time I thought I was the one being selfish
I have to agree that you DON'T see the big deal of it when male celebrities gain....they aren't doing Jenny Craig commercials like crazy either. The implication could be, to some, that it's "okay" if the men put on some weight but it's such a horrible thing if a lady DARES to do so.

About the bathing suit thing....first time try wearing a robe or a big overshirt and taking it off right before getting in the water. I do that at public pools if I am having one of those really self-conscious days....and big towels make easy cover ups when wet
I hope that you will eventually get more comfortable, though, and just be able to be you without all the discomfort. (I still work on it myself occasionally )
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


"The longing of my heart is a fairy portrait of myself: I want to be pretty; I want to eliminate facts and fill up the gap with charms."

"See these eyes so green, I can stare for a thousand years, Colder than the moon
It's been so long and I've been putting out fire with gasoline"
Green Eyed Fairy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 08:06 AM   #13
William
On Timeout
 
William's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 1,896
William makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Hi

I disagree male celebrities do have it easier while dressed because most Mens clothes are not form fitting. Photos and comments of male celebrities on the beach have been just as cruel as the women's.

William


Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I have to agree that you DON'T see the big deal of it when male celebrities gain....they aren't doing Jenny Craig commercials like crazy either. The implication could be, to some, that it's "okay" if the men put on some weight but it's such a horrible thing if a lady DARES to do so.

About the bathing suit thing....first time try wearing a robe or a big overshirt and taking it off right before getting in the water. I do that at public pools if I am having one of those really self-conscious days....and big towels make easy cover ups when wet
I hope that you will eventually get more comfortable, though, and just be able to be you without all the discomfort. (I still work on it myself occasionally )
William is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 09:17 AM   #14
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by steely View Post
I know I'm going to get the beat down for this but society is different with men.You don't see pictures on TV or magazines if a male celeb gains 20 pounds.It's different for women,somehow by being fat you're letting down the whole world.It gets tiresome holding the weight of womanhood on your shoulders.

I don't hate my body for being fat.I hate other peoples reaction to it.Fat is the last thing people hate with such intensity.Being black,being homosexual and other differences have had light shed on them and the predjudice is still there.You still get haters but not like fat haters.

I guess I'll find out tommorow how strong I am.I have joined the aquatic center to help get some exercise to manage this diabetes.When I come out in a swimsuit,I guess I'll see what I'm made of.

Thanks Fasc,I'm alright.I'm new to diabetes so I'm still learning to manage it.Sometimes my bg drops lower than my body is used to being.410 to 75 is a big drop.All this time I thought I was the one being selfish
Glad you decided to start swimming. It's fun. If anybody does say anything give em the ole stink eye.

Quote:
Originally Posted by William View Post
Hi

I disagree male celebrities do have it easier while dressed because most Mens clothes are not form fitting. Photos and comments of male celebrities on the beach have been just as cruel as the women's.

William
I'm not gonna say you're wrong William, but it just doesn't happen as often with men. Men don't get pregnant. Every time a female celebrity has a baby speculation about her baby weight starts to fly before she even gives birth. For that reason alone there will be more comments made on a woman's size than a man's. And I can only think of one guy of late who's beach photo was commented on and that's Andy Garcia. The recent commentary and hoopla about Jessica Simpson would never happen to a male celebrity.
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 10:14 AM   #15
bexy
is red again <3
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 4,850
bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!bexy keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I don't know why it doesn't affect me, I just don't allow myself to be part of "that world".

I hear too many 120lb women talking about dieting and them needing to lose weight and it bores me. It also makes me realise how warped the world is, seriously, and so I just figure so long as I am healthy and I like what I see in the mirror everyone else can piss off.
__________________
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

With loves, and hates, and passions just like mine.
bexy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 10:52 AM   #16
ashmamma84
Om Namah Shivayah
 
ashmamma84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Mild Sauce City
Posts: 3,818
ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!ashmamma84 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

I think part of the reason being fat really doesn't bother me is because I try to remember that most people are warped. lol Most people sort of freak out because they have so many preconceived notions about who I am because I'm fat, because I'm black, because I'm lesbian that I kinda throw them for a loop. And that's a good thing! Let 'em get tongue twisted and cross eyed and crazy when they realize they don't know nothin' about nothin'.

I really believe most people who have issues with my fat body are just terribly miserable and so I try not to take it so personally. I sort of feel sorry for anyone who can't awaken to their lives and not live being content and truly happy with who they are.

I actually have an acquaintance like that - she's about my height, maybe an inch or two shorter and about 125-130 lbs. and she goes on and on about how she's getting fat and tears will fill her eyes and I can't help but shake my head. It's not about the fat and that's something she'll have to figure out on her own. She's just really really unhappy in general, so there is no point in trying to talk her head off about how being fit and fat is really possible...instead, I just go about my life as normal. She sees that I'm a normal, happy, well adjusted woman and that I happen to be fat. I'm out there, doing things (some BIG things, in a BIG way), making a life and living a life that's good.

Why spend such precious time pent up and angry over nonsense? In the words of my best girlfriend, "let the haters, hate!" I wish we could all see what miracles we really are; our lives are amazing. And life without enjoyment and peace of mind is not living, so I make a conscious decision to live beautifully.
__________________
Bellydance is my religion; my body is a temple, my dance is a prayer
ashmamma84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 12:29 PM   #17
KendraLee
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 729
KendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging inKendraLee makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Interesting that this topic is coming up right now because I am dealing with something that has me a bit pissed off. Recently in class I came across a few girls snickering about my myspace page (these women are like the girls in the movie Mean Girls except they arent very attractive). The only thing I can assume they would be snickering about on my Myspace page is the Adipositivity site which I mention and that some of my friends are bbw website models. I am proud of the posing I've done for adpo and I find value and beauty in all of the models I am friends with. I refuse to feel devalued or shameful by these women and have set my profile to private.
I have spent a lifetime struggling with my weight and addiction to food during times of emotional stress and in the past year I have made peace with myself, my body, and most of the time, the outside world. DIMS and a few other things have helped me come to this point in life but now I find there is a new affect to be had in only surrounding yourself with others who share your struggle. We still need to live and be a part of the outside world and if we shelter ourselves we can be allowing the negativity from others to control us and we are also not allowing others to see our value and therefore they will continue to think whatever negative things about fat people they want to believe.The fat hating can be oppressive but I will not allow others to control what I will and will not do as I have when I was younger.
I don't know that fatopia is a great place for me either though, because even in fatopia I have felt as if there was a "Keep Out You're not fat enough" sign posted that has brought up a new set of standards that has made me feel inadequate.
__________________
ABSOLUTELY, CONCLUSIVELY, DECISIVELY, SURELY,POSITIVELY, UNQUESTIONABLY, UNCONDITIONALLY
KendraLee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 01:03 PM   #18
William
On Timeout
 
William's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 1,896
William makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Hi Olwen

I did say that Male Celebrities get off easier when clothed, but GEF said that Male Celebrities do not receive any flack over gaining weight and I can't agree with that.

Still far more female celebrities use their bodies as a major component of their careers than the male celebrities do. They wear tighter clothes and show much more flesh. That is why a Jessica Simpson is focused on so much.

I am much more upset because celebrities like Nikki Blonsky get flack over their fat or someone like that Young Lady "Chloe Marshall" in England who won the beauty pageant in 2008 and who got negative responses. The Pageant has not even posted her photo in their Hall of Fame Section yet.

http://www.missengland.info/hall-of-fame


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-552792/Size-16-Miss-England-hopeful-Chloe-unveils-curvy-look-official-bikini-shoot.html


William




Quote:
Originally Posted by olwen View Post
Glad you decided to start swimming. It's fun. If anybody does say anything give em the ole stink eye.



I'm not gonna say you're wrong William, but it just doesn't happen as often with men. Men don't get pregnant. Every time a female celebrity has a baby speculation about her baby weight starts to fly before she even gives birth. For that reason alone there will be more comments made on a woman's size than a man's. And I can only think of one guy of late who's beach photo was commented on and that's Andy Garcia. The recent commentary and hoopla about Jessica Simpson would never happen to a male celebrity.
William is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 01:16 PM   #19
Suze
Too Vanilla For You
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,889
Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Suze has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KendraLee View Post
*snip*
I don't know that fatopia is a great place for me either though, because even in fatopia I have felt as if there was a "Keep Out You're not fat enough" sign posted that has brought up a new set of standards that has made me feel inadequate.
^
i wish there was a thread about this subject.
Suze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 01:25 PM   #20
olwen
Disco Bear
 
olwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: nyc
Posts: 6,966
olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!olwen keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by William View Post
Hi Olwen

I did say that Male Celebrities get off easier when clothed, but GEF said that Male Celebrities do not receive any flack over gaining weight and I can't agree with that.

Still far more female celebrities use their bodies as a major component of their careers than the male celebrities do. They wear tighter clothes and show much more flesh. That is why a Jessica Simpson is focused on so much.

I am much more upset because celebrities like Nikki Blonsky get flack over their fat or someone like that Young Lady "Chloe Marshall" in England who won the beauty pageant in 2008 and who got negative responses. The Pageant has not even posted her photo in their Hall of Fame Section yet.

http://www.missengland.info/hall-of-fame


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-552792/Size-16-Miss-England-hopeful-Chloe-unveils-curvy-look-official-bikini-shoot.html


William
I want to respond but I don't want to derail this thread any further. I'll just leave it at Ok.
olwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 01:36 PM   #21
William
On Timeout
 
William's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 1,896
William makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging inWilliam makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

No problem

The thread already needs to get back on track

William




Quote:
Originally Posted by olwen View Post
I want to respond but I don't want to derail this thread any further. I'll just leave it at Ok.

Last edited by William; 03-08-2009 at 01:40 PM. Reason: Additional text
William is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 07:39 PM   #22
Fascinita
Jeez, we're blessed!
 
Fascinita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,162
Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.Fascinita has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by KendraLee View Post
I refuse to feel devalued or shameful by these women and have set my profile to private.
Kendra, this makes me angry for you. Why should you have to set your profile to private just so you don't have to feel like crap because others think it's OK to make fun of your page? And this is exactly what I'm talking about! You set your profile to private in order to protect yourself (I don't blame you), and your only other choice is to learn to ignore the haterz or to always be at the ready with a counterpunch when you get picked on for the fat. I do get tired of having to let people's stupidity slide off me; and having to cop an attitude or having to one-up or educate the critics again and again doesn't exactly feel good, either.

It would be one thing if it were a matter of sheer stupidity and ignorance on the part of the world. Few things are more shocking and demoralizing than being the object of a sudden pitiful look or hearing an anti-fat comment roll from the mouth of a co-worker you've always respected or an older friend you look up to, for instance. How do we, as fat people, share in the world at all when some of the people we like and admire most are always trying to get us to agree that there is something basically repugnant or unfortunate about us? I always want to tell them that fat is not a tragedy and urge them to check their assumptions, but it gets old.

At some point, it becomes impossible to pretend that the answer's in the way "you carry yourself" or in "thinking positive." At some point, it's an issue of "Who the hell do you think you are to be going around trying to convince me that I need to feel bad about the way I am."

Last edited by Fascinita; 03-08-2009 at 07:42 PM.
Fascinita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 07:44 PM   #23
Tania
Disneyland Bobsled Team
 
Tania's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The corner of Small World Mall & Matterhorn Way.
Posts: 1,975
Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tania has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

The world is full of all sorts of screwed up ideas/people and nasty messages, not to mention a whole gamut of ostensibly neutral circumstances that offend by default. No one's immune, though I do agree that people who fall into the more extreme ends of a particular spectrum have a much rougher time of it than those of us who don't. Still, I think it's often not really so much a "fat hate" thing as it is general misanthropy or even projected self-hate that finds an easy conduit in size. The conduit is easy because a lot of us are really sensitive about being big - SO sensitive, in fact, that rather than laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, even truly thin people automatically freak out as if it might actually be true. I honestly believe that a lot of people couldn't even define for you where "fat" actually begins; all they know is that they're constantly struggling to avoid being perceived as falling into that category.

It's like a 21st century witch hunt. Whether or not they buy into the cult of thin, a lot of people use size/weight as a means of sabotaging, pidgeonholing, and controlling other people or situations in general because they know it's a sensitive subject and that they can use it to tremendous strategic advantage. I think many doctors and parents in particular see it as their big authority trump card. My grandmother didn't really want to control my situation for her own gratification, but I know her own experience with her weight influenced her desire to "fix" my perceived problems by obsessing over my size. Being young, I trusted her view. And over time, my perception of the situation mutated into something truly ugly.

I honestly believe that I was my own worst enemy when it came to reconciling the white noise (and occasional direct jab in my direction) with reality. I know that the most hateful, size-derisive, damaging force in my life has been ME and NOT other people or outside circumstances. My self-loathing was so extreme that at times I felt I deserved to die for my hideousness. Certainly culture and society planted the seed in aggregate, but I was the one who created the final translation. If there's a single, culpable murderous villain in the story of my life up to this point, it's me.

In the modern western world, people grow up to be "competitors." We become so obsessed with comparing and copying and "beating" others that we sometimes forget precisely what we're comparing, and why it's even important. We come to understand that personal control breeds success, and success propagates glory and power (broader control). Eating disorders are rooted in a desperate need for control so as to more effectively "compete" in life; at least, that's how it was for me. I think extreme thinness became a beauty paragon not necessarily because everyone really loves thin bodies, but because it was a way for young "culture consumers" to easily quantify physical differences for the purposes of this competition.

Media celebrities have historically tended to be *particularly* thin to suit the technical eccentricities of the camera (and in the case of fashion models, the added requirement of not interfering too much with the structure of the clothes). Since we naturally look to these glamor icons to show us what's hot, we assume that slim and willowy is a big part of the equation. And if small is better (which is the basic message I got from my wiggy mother, grandmother, and childhood doctor), then smallest must be best. For me, it got to a point where real aesthetics were ironically irrelevant. I was technically okay with my shape and nobody complained (in fact, my mom started freaking out because I was getting too thin), but the fact that I weighed 150 pounds when other pretty girls weighed 120 killed me. And if X wore size 4, I was somehow inadequate because my number was 8.

For a long time, I was wrapped up in this twisted image of my own fat failure that far, FAR surpassed reality. Yeah, there are a lot of insensitive, clueless douchebags out there who say and do stupid shit. But I've also discovered that there are plenty of nice, average people out there who don't see everything in the same hyperbolically simplistic fat/thin/omigod terms that I did. In fact, it took me freaking decades to realize that I was judging myself against a different yardstick than I was using for everyone else. Hypocrisy, much?

Also, I think a lot of us are confused by a double-standard that seems to exist for celebrity/public figures. Jessica Simpson is more likely to catch shit for the smallest perceived imperfection than an average girl because we're all jealous of her. She's the girl to hate because she supposedly has all of the beauty and success and happiness the rest of want but can't have. Given an ounce of ammunition...one tiny thing outside the box...everyone jumps on it, whether it actually affects her beauty or well-being or not. Just as I fictionalized my own size/weight/whatever into a theoretical disaster, jealous people fictionalize hers, too. Further, in cases like Chloe Marshall's, there's also the whole "but I'm supposed to be the pretty one because I'm SKINNY!" entitlement bullshit, which is nothing more than sour grapes propagated by bratty lemmings. I don't know if that qualifies as a resentment of the freedoms fat represents (Fascinita), but it does seem to back up the general societal axiom that outsiders, misfits, and other people who generally don't play by the rules shouldn't be rewarded.

Incidentally, Chloe is fiercely hot and totally my type and now I feel like a pervy old lady. ;D
__________________
You're such a strange girl
I think you come from another world

~ The Cure

"She will never submit to any thing requiring industry and patience, and a subjection of the fancy to the understanding."
~ Mr. Knightley on Emma, Jane Austen's Emma
Tania is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2009, 05:08 AM   #24
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
I have to agree that you DON'T see the big deal of it when male celebrities gain....they aren't doing Jenny Craig commercials like crazy either. The implication could be, to some, that it's "okay" if the men put on some weight but it's such a horrible thing if a lady DARES to do so.

About the bathing suit thing....first time try wearing a robe or a big overshirt and taking it off right before getting in the water. I do that at public pools if I am having one of those really self-conscious days....and big towels make easy cover ups when wet
I hope that you will eventually get more comfortable, though, and just be able to be you without all the discomfort. (I still work on it myself occasionally )
Thanks GEF,I think I'm to the point that I just don't care.It's not a vanity issue for me anymore.It's a health issue.If I don't get some kind of handle on it there will be no happiness for me,fat or otherwise.
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2009, 05:17 AM   #25
Tau
IXAMXDECADENCE
 
Tau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 1,308
Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

I don't think you should try to escape it - my reaction is always to fight it. To the fat ignorant ads - get them removed from air. Write scathing respnoses to fat-hating newspaper articles. Tell off doctors who think they can judge cos your BMI is a complete mess. And for all those nasty people who give you dirty looks and make snide comments - give them something to really get pissed about by wearing a bikini to the beach, mini-dress to the club, and have an absolute, rocking ball while doing it. Nothing feels better for me than triumphing over all the fat haters by doing everything I've been told I can't do cos I'm fat. Enjoy your life, and live it the way you want to live it. The virtual world is fun, yes, but take back your power and create your own space in the real world too. Don't let anybody deny you that.
Tau is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:16 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.