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Old 03-20-2009, 05:54 PM   #26
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Thankyou for your reply Mer, yeah would be good to chat more, I have hotmail and MSN. Until then, Good Luck with the essay! x
Gah.. i'm doing two courses at once so i have another essay due soon! lol
I just wanted to say that I am not surprised your doctor thought your mum should have counciling for trying to get you a blood test for being gay.
I also wanted to say, that i think i rememeber reading in a previous post that you called yourself freedom'bi'girl because you were trying to be bi at that point in your life. You can actually ask conrad to change your name if you feel that name reminds you of a painful time in your life, if you felt you were forcing yourself to try to be attracted to guys or something..freedomgirl.. or actually as i read it 'freedombiggirl'! or anything you like..you just have to ask. You could ask Butch about that too.
Just know, that even though those 9 years felt horrific they will have made you a stronger person, which i know sounds like a cliche but it really is true. hope you are getting help with your depression too.
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Old 04-10-2009, 05:43 AM   #27
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I was 17 and often stayed over at my first hot dancer girl friends house, we used to say to her mom and dad that it was hard for me to get home and it was since I am a country bumkin at heart and lived in the middle of fields and forests. but one morning her mom walked in when we were sleeping. and I was not in the spare bed but butt naked beside my girlfiend who was also naked. it was hot summer. anyways her mom did not wake us. but I received a phone call that evening from my gf and she said mom has forbidden us to meet again. and she is giving u one hour to tell your mom and dad!
to be honest I had sexually liked the sneaking around lol. and I was not bothered being not out to mom and dad. but I totally freaked out had a panic attack. told mom after she had got a complete fright and thought something was seriously wrong. she was ok with it and dad to. so thank god but u never know how they would react? but went well. then mom drove me to my girlfiends house. I sneaked in to find her in her room. her mom had hit her to. horrible. so then we sneaked out, not caught this time. then mom drove us home. and we stayed together that night. my girlfriend cried the whole night. until she fell asleep in my arms. I remember wishing that I was older with my own house so i could take care of us.

so that is it. oh yeah then dad flipped and told all my relatives in one day. and i still think that is strange. they all know but I never told them.

this is my first post here, hope u liked it and did not depress anyone.
lots of hugs LH
welcome to dims, your coming out story sounds like a teenage movie, lol. have fun posting here xx
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Old 01-04-2010, 04:02 PM   #28
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Wow, what an amazing thread. Coming out stories are fascinating. As a transgendered person, I pretty much was out in the way I often presented myself until I was about 30. I never cross-dressed, just did the whole andogynous look from a very early age. If someone wanted to call me a girl or gay, I just laughed. I think in my teens, I could easily have transitioned but life on the street was rough enough for an androgynous teenager. Transitioning would have left me little option other than being a hooker in those circumstances. So I manned up bit, got a job, went to night school and rode motorbikes, trashing myself at any racetrack I could find, trying to hide my slender hands under a disguise of burns and scrapes. I put on my deepest voice, at times, but never cut my hair.

When I graduated in law, I had to go off and join the straight world, so I manned-up even more and cut my hair. In fact, I shaved my head, grew a goatee, bought a comaro and started a gun collection! I met my current wife about 8 years ago. She and I shared that we both had more than a passing interest in gender-bending. By this stage I identified as a straight guy who was attracted to people who presented themselves as female. I never stopped to think that this attraction was really a reflection of my own self.

For me, transition is the wrong word, although I have changed a lot in recent years. For many, transition means the change - often an identifiable point where they burst out of the closet announcing it to the world. For me, transition has been a series of slow changes which are more about the way I think, feel and act rather than the way I appear. Which is not to say I look the same - far from it. My hair grew back, aided no doubt by the cocktail or estrogen and an anti-androgen. I shed nearly 40lbs of muscle, I got rid of the beard. I'm as androgynous as I can be. When I wear a suit, as I have to in my work, I queer it by wearing diamond studs, eyeliner, a pink tie and fingernails. When I get out of my suit, I'll wear skinny jeans, boots which could go eithe way and, if I'm in a comfortable place, I'll shed the outer layer of baggy clothing which, unfortunately don't entirely hide my feminised body with its estrogen-induced curves.

Coming out? Well, the hard thing was coming out to myself and appreciating that my fascination with transsexuals might not be a desire to have one, but to be one. That took a lot of getting over and I beat up on myself a lot.

Coming out to my wife was easy. She had always expressed her attraction to gender transgressors. She had thought she might have been lesbian but seemed to have ended up with boyfriends who turned gay. Having me go this way pleased her. She expressed neutrality about my going on hormones, but so liked the psychological effect on me that she said she would have sneaked them into my cornflakes years ago if she'd known the effect. On a physical level, it didn't take her long to go from "I'll love you any way you are" to "You're hotter than ever"!

Our kids, boys aged 14 and 17 were totally cool. They much preferred the fashion-conscious, much happier and more engaging father. They were happy to see "old camo pants with a beard sullenly cleaning his guns" gone from their lives.

I called in on a business trip to another town and visited my father's wife. I was in a suit, but she could see that I'd changed. We talked, it was great. She realised that the change was more than just a bit more hair and a lot less beard and bulk. I thought she was cool and understood that I had abandoned my desperate effort to be a dude and was relaxing into being something I could call me. Next time I saw her, I was in civillian clothes. My wife and I had stayed over. I went for a walk the next morning and got caught in the rain. I dried my shirt but had a black tanktop on while I waited. Then it all started "OMG," said my father's wife, "you've got no hair on your hands. In fact there's none on your arms!" He eyes scorched my breasts through the tanktop. "And you've got nail polish! And you like it!" She nearly fainted. She turned to my wife: "Are you allowing him to do this?" She shrugged, said I was a grown-up and did what I wanted. Nearly a year later she sent an email inviting us for Christmas. But during that year, I sure felt like an outcast.

Around the same time, I'd spilled it to my mother who was out from europe visiting. Rather than waiting for her to demand an explanation, I told her that this was what I was doing. Wow. She spent the next three hours getting increasingly drunk and frustrated because I wouldn't admit to finding men attractive. I didn't conform to her stereotype and this drove her crazy. Eventually she gave up in exasperation and told me that I'd been influenced by my wife, who was fat and should therefore be ignored; that I'd been influenced by a friend who was beautiful and had me in a spell; and, when I responded to that with a benign smile, she launched herself at me, telling me that she was "sick of me making her feel guilty my whole life about your miserable childhood". Given that we see each other once every couple of years and never talk about my childhood, I was a little surprised. I stood up to leave the hotel room I was in. She stood so close, leaning in so far, I had to be very careful I didn't catch her nose with my head as I stood. I went to leave. She stepped in front of me. Fortunately, I just had to go around the back of the table to get out and into the fresh air. She had tried to physically intimidate me, hoping that I would touch her. No doubt she would have done a swan dive through the glass coffee table just to teach me a lesson if I had so much as dared gently move her by the shoulders out of my way. I wasn't falling for that one!

I could go on with the experiences, but it's interesting to see the similarities and differences between coming out as gay or trans. The thing about being gay, is that it is so eaily hidden compared with the effects of estrogen! But the funniest things of it all are how people react to my friends and wife when we go out. No longer do they enjoy the "privilege" of being "straight". Depending on how I'm dressed, I either get mistaken for a lesbian, a gay man, or trans. So when I help my male friend chose new glasses, I laugh at the assumptions that are made about him. And my darling wife - she's either a fag hag, a lesbian or a trans-chaser. How I present myself very much effects how my friends are perceived. And sometimes, being out, results in them getting crap. If it wasn't sad, it'd be very funny!

And as for work, well, it's not to bad in this city where there is a large LBGT community. But in the provincial towns where I often work, it's pure distilled misery. In my old incarnation, people didn't fuck with me because my mouth was smarter than most, and I'd respond to tearoom bullying by either picking up a fork or, on one occassion, telling a chap that he was standing awfully close for someone who didn't want coffee in his eyes. These tactics meant only fools would pick on me. These days, I don't meet threats with greater threats. I just turn sideways and disappear. What this does, unfortunately, is encourage the bullies. Now I get challenged even about the color of my tie. Life was a lot easier when I could resort to my old tricks!

So, coming out as trans has been a fascinating from the point of view of a social experiment, but I wouldn't recommend that as a reason for doing it. Sorry if this has all been a bit long-winded, but I felt inspired to share by the other posts. I'll let you know how I get on when I start up my transgender law firm later this year!
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Old 01-04-2010, 07:32 PM   #29
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Hi Sammy,

Welcome! I enjoyed reading your coming out story. I haven't gotten around to posting mine, but in some ways it's sort of similar in doing the gradual gender-exploration thing. It's good you have an understanding and supportive partner.

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Old 01-05-2010, 04:38 AM   #30
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Sammy. Thank you so much for your post. x
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:00 AM   #31
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Thanks for sharing your story, Sammy. It was really interesting, although it was also clear that you were leaving a lot of the emotional side of things out.
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Old 01-05-2010, 05:19 PM   #32
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Thanks for sharing your story, Sammy. It was really interesting, although it was also clear that you were leaving a lot of the emotional side of things out.
Well Tad, as you've obviously worked out, it was a fraught time emotionally, but I didn't want to indulge in too much of a "pity party" by blurting out all my grief here.

But I suppose, to fill in the gaps, it came at a time when I was just starting to accept myself. I'd even gone sailing wearing a tanktop on a boat with 8 very conservative people without having to reach for the baggy denim I alway hide the effects of feminizing drugs. I could even tolerate rude questions about my nails or ears, shoes or hair. I was gaining confidence. After the fairly mild encounter with my father's wife, I was straight back into the baggy denim, skulking around hidden behind coal black Raybans, moving quickly from shadow to shadow. It felt just like that. Even at home I'd cross my arms across my breasts, despite my wife loving me and loving them.

A week later I met up with my mother. I had to tell her because the rumour machine was catching up with me fast. In my confident period I'd let my stepfather come to visit. I hadn't bothered to hide anything. I knew he would treat the information with respect and discretion, but I made it clear I didn't want to burden him with it as a secret. So I knew he'd tell his wife and she'd tell her daughter and so on. So spilling to my mother before she heard seemed wise.

I didn't mention in my earlier post that the "beautiful friend" I mentioned was present when, having finished up four bottles of wine (yes, on her own) we left the restaurant for her hotel room, she started drinking whisky before we went out with the rest of the family (my wife and kids). That was when my BBW wife, not present, was accused of influencing me and being too fat to be worthy of taking notice of. The "beautiful friend" had supported me wonderfully over the previous year. Her sister knew my mother, who knew her father etc. But they'd never met. The friend is very fragile having had a tough life with deadbeat parents and a family friend who'd sexually violated her when she was 9. We lean on each other at times. During the course of my mother saying this woman was so beautiful I'd do anything she suggested, my mother also pointed out that the friend had had a fucked-up life and was "severely damaged". I'd spent all the time I'd known this friend convincing her that she wasn't severely damaged! All my efforts and more, undone in about 20 seconds

When we got out, I spent an hour drying her tears enough to stuff her behind the wheel of her car and send her on her way. I got on my old motorbike and rode home to my lovely wife and beautiful kids, but when I saw the drive, I kept riding and got on the freeway and opened the bike up, splitting the lanes of cars at over 100mph. After a while I took an offramp, turned around and road home, both the mirrors broken from where I'd split gaps that were a little small. I don't think I rode like that even as a teenager.

I couldn't work out how this nasty little woman who left me in the dust when I was three could still have such a hold on me. It seemed utterly irrational. After a month of beating myself, I went to the see the psychologist I'd been forced to endure to get legitimate access to estrogen. I was supposed to see her for three months before she'd give me the recommendation to the doctor, but I'd broken her in a month flat and got the referral! I told her she was simply an obstacle and that there was an easy way and a hard way. I was happy to go about it the hard way for three months and said I knew her wallet would like me for it! But after a month, I told her that as a criminal defense attorney, I had six methamphetamine dealers on my books and that I could get anything I wanted if I chose. I knew that if I said this, the protocols indicated I could get my pills without too much counselling!

But now I was back, 49 years old, weeping about my fucking mother, asking the spurned and manipulated psychologist for her help. Coming out can be very humbling!

So, in emotional terms, I don't think anything has rocked my world more as an adult than coming out. And the funny thing is, I don't even do dresses or any of that very femme stuff. I wear the same stuff I wore when I was 20 - the same leather bike jacket (or a Hugo Boss version of it on nice days), skinny jeans and androgynous boots. But I suppose the effects of estrogen can be detected, perhaps even smelled by the gender police.* Even in a suit, my nude pink nails hidden and without make-up, people come up to me and exclaim "You've done something to yourself."

And indeed I have, knowing it would be no easy road, so I shouldn't whine about people being mean. The trouble is, as a high-testosterone guy, I was much better equipped for the emotional trauma of being teased for being trans! As a transgendered person, I am much more emotionally-attuned and sensitive and the slights I thought I would be able to endure hurt a bit more than expected.

*Grateful acknowledgement to Gina Reiss in "The Gender Cops work overtime" published in "GENDERqUEER voices from beyond the sexual binary" edited by Joan Nestle, Clare Howell and Riki Wilchins. This is a great and inspirational read on many topics, including coming out. Highly recommended.
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Old 01-05-2010, 10:56 PM   #33
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My stories here are short, and reasonably neutral.
In 7th grade, I told a friend I wanted to kiss her. She asked why, insert explanation of "I want to see if I like it," and also, the whole "I think you're hot" thing. She said no, it was okay if I was like that, but she didn't want to. We were still famous friends for years after that.
My guy friends didn't care. Well, aside from a couple of semi-pervy requests to watch.
10th grade, I found a girlfriend; I did this by hearing that someone else was going to ask the girl *I* wanted to ask to the next dance. So I went out of my way, the whole roses and jewelry and poetry thing. Her being sorta-goth (as opposed to Goth), she was into this a lot. Plus long night drives, late nights, poetry readings, elaborate costumes, and I had me a girlfriend.
I brought her home to my mother. "Meet my girlfriend."
My mother is, in my opinion, the coolest person on the planet. She was very relaxed about it.
I brought her over to meet my dad (my folks are divorced). He was less sure of what to make of it, but he wasn't an ass. He's in the top five for coolest, after my mom.
My first ex (got involved with him after some time with her) thought it was kind of cool, but she was mine, and he was okay with that.
Next ex never found out, not really. If he knew, it was cause he heard it, not cause he had the conversation with me.
My current thinks it's awesome, except he seems to have this conceptual problem. He doesn't seem to hear some things properly. Kinda like at the moment, he seems to hear "Do what you want." when really I've been saying for the last twenty minutes, "Back the fuck OFF, Mister! MINE!".... at least in simplest possible terms. "I want a girlfriend for ME, not to share." "So we want an asian girl, right?" and I just want to bite him.
And I haven't had a gf in a few years now, cause most folk around here are psycho, and the ones that are decent and sane are either taken or otherwise unavailable. And my current guy is a bit too much to subject just ANY girl to. She'd have to be pretty strong of heart, mind, and stomach to be able to survive me, much less the us that is me and him. With an esophagal tract of steel, to deal with all the heartburn.
*SIGH*
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:19 AM   #34
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I came out when I was about 19 or so and my mother asked me point blank if I was gay and I yes I am and I told her that I am going way with my then bf and we will talk about it when I came back. Well, the weekend was uneventful because my bf was really a dud as I remember and I saw my mom and gave her a hug and kiss and she said, Johnny, I love you for who you are and you are my son, I do not understand why you are gay and I explained to her that it is not her fault because I was born this way. And mom I love you very much and she said she just wanted me to be happy.

Well, the happiness continued in a big way because my johnny come lately older bros came out after I cleared the path for him and my mom said to us, if you are going out to have "fun" bring the fun home and you can have your male friends sleep over, and my bros and I did just that. And in the mornings my mom would make breakfast for all of us and talk to the guys we brought home and to me, my parents were the greatest and still are in my mind though they are no longer among the living. My parents accepted us for who we were and I had the best life in my young life because my parents were accepting and loved us for us and that is why I sometimes do not understand how some can be in the closet these days.


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Old 02-03-2010, 05:33 AM   #35
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My mother's side of the family have this tendancy to get together, get very very drunk, then wake up in the morning and cook a fry up for 10 people or so and leave. It happens about once every 6 months and it's always fun, but other than my friends (who just said "Great, have a tit mag!" when I revealed I was bi....men are gloriously uncomplicated) the only people I have come out to are my mother, brother, uncle, aunt and maternal cousins at one of these events.

Basically, I was 16, we were all fairly tipsy, and I reveled I was bi to the room, and got an "Oh, cool." in response, and I go on my merry way thinking that went really really well. Then 6 months later at another such gathering we're not quite drunk yet and my brother is commentating about some girl on TV being hot, and I say something about ribs not being hot and go on to describe what I think a hot woman looks like (generally curvy but not quite BBW) and the ENTIRE FAMILY looks at me in shock. Then:

Me-
"I told you months ago I was bi. Why are you looking at me like that?"
Family (various)-
"We thought you were JOKING!"
"I mean seriously, we all know you're crazy, I thought it was a thing you were saying for shock value."
"You're weirder than I thought."

*facepalm*

My Uncle actually burst into laughter and asked if he could be there when I told his mum (a Jehovah's Witness) because he would pay money to see the look on her face. He quoted me a price...

It was a pretty sweet reaction really.

However, though I am out to friends, some of my family and whoever asks me about it, I am still not out to the aforementioned Grandparents and my Dad's entire side of the family, including my Dad. My Father (if you'll pardon the poetic phrasing) isn't long for this world and I've been told any stress could push him over the edge, so I don't really want him to go comepletely batshit (which he would) and then die. My Jehovah's Witness Nan would burst into tears because I was a Sinner and couldnt be saved, and would be really, genuinely, tearful and upset and worried about me. I don't want to cause her the upset. And the rest of my Dad's family would tell my Dad.

One day I may have a coming out story thats slightly less cheerful than the one for my mum's family, but it isnt coming any time soon.
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Old 02-03-2010, 12:52 PM   #36
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Hi People

I just love the coming out stories. It's great to see them being shared.

I've started putting a bit of stuff up at blogger.com which I hope might interest others and inspire them to write and share.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15976555251263135864
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Old 02-07-2010, 07:26 PM   #37
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Hi People

I just love the coming out stories. It's great to see them being shared.

I've started putting a bit of stuff up at blogger.com which I hope might interest others and inspire them to write and share.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/15976555251263135864
Would love a little feedback on this. I'm wondering if it's a bit too "out there".
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Old 02-08-2010, 02:26 PM   #38
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I am quite liking your writing style so far, but I am at work and unfortunately don't have time to sit down and read all the way through right now. Better feedback later
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Old 02-08-2010, 04:16 PM   #39
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Thanks for that. I hope it's not too rude and raw. It's nice to get a bit of encouragement.

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Old 03-06-2010, 04:49 PM   #40
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It is very early days in my whole coming-out-ness... BUT! last night i came out to my Mum...

For years I have played out the scenario in my head, trying to gauge her reaction what she would say, what he would think but I was always left feeling that she wouldn't be happy.. though I could never work out WHY I thought that, she is a wonderful open minded person you see... has a gay best friend and a lesbian best friend but I suppose i always figured it would go badly because i myself have struggled with who i am for some time now and always went with the worst case scenario...

Well, we were sat alone in a room, it was dark and peaceful and i just got a feeling it was the right time to talk to her... I hadn't planned it, in fact i had not seen this coming till maybe a few months, you know, putting it off and putting it off hehe...

I said I needed to talk and it was hard and just slowly collected my thoughts and put them into words until she understood...

It was incredible, she took it so well and in sutch a good way it left me feeling so exilirated for the first time, I felt so relaxed and free right away like a great weight listed frm my sholders...

She basically said she wants me to just be myself and be happy and she was happy for me

This is yet another absolutely momentous breakthrough for me... it really feels amazing to just let it out and be free hehe ^.^

Again, its early days, i only really spoke to my mum about my sexuality.. not yet mentioning gender... and topics relating to mine, but there will be time for that later, I'm still getting my head round that myself... and there are more people I need to talk to, witch I believe will be tougher, but my Mum said that she knows everyone will be fine...

There are plenty more steps to be taken eventually, but I'm confident my journey will be a happy one as the first few steps have been so amazing

I hope all this doesn't sound silly, I just felt like sharing, thank you for reading.
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Old 03-06-2010, 08:49 PM   #41
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Hi T-Bear, thanks for sharing. Glad your mother is so understanding.
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Old 03-11-2010, 10:39 AM   #42
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My bi-curiousness came out on the dance floor. I have yet to be turned on enough to make out and such, but then I have never met a ssbbw or bbw-amazon in the right circumstance (whatever that is?) to try anything. The thing is I clam up around big folks in person. So guy or girl, I doubt they can tell I'm even attracted in the first place...lol.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 03-11-2010, 12:03 PM   #43
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My bi-curiousness came out on the dance floor. .
did you come out about it?
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Old 03-11-2010, 12:38 PM   #44
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did you come out about it?
Yeah, I'm open to my friends and family but they usually change the subject or get uncomfortable. However, being born and raised in Vegas, I would guess its easier to be open about things.

Plus compared to others things that I have done....being bi-curious doesn't even compare. I've actually gotten more crap about dating Escapist than groping girls at night clubs.
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Last edited by chicken legs; 03-11-2010 at 12:41 PM.
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