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Old 03-19-2009, 09:35 AM   #1
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Default lgbt mental health thread

I was just thinking about some of the crazy shit that some of the people here have had to deal with. Everything from bad comming out experiences, feeling you dont fit in because of sexuality, gender issues etc. A lot of the time this comes at the expense of your mental health.
Dealing with these issues and also with being fat/fa can compound feelings of exclusion, depression etc.
Thought i would start this thred for anyone who wanted some catharsis and some friendly ears/advice/whatever.
So whether you want to discuss mental health issues, have a rant/vent about something that is making you sad or just to wallow a bit before getting a virtual cuddle then here is the place..
Hopefully we can provide you with some support and love.
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:17 AM   #2
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Great idea for a thread, mer! When I have a chance to collect my thoughts, I'll be back. After all, I've seen my fair share of therapists.
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Old 03-19-2009, 10:47 AM   #3
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Yeah, i have some thought collecting to do before i post too. Think this thread will be one of the slow burning types. xx
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:17 PM   #4
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I have a history of multiple sexual assaults that I have mostly recovered from, but I cannot help reacting to stupid comments.

I get unusually worked up when people talk about how all lesbians date women only because they have been hurt or rejected by men. Yes, it may seem to make sense but this is not the case for me at all yet I can't bring myself to argue rationally with them. I feel incredibly offended when people, psychologists included talk about how my being with a male now means that I have recovered (from assaults AND the supposed rebellious lesbian phase). I also feel nauseous and violated when my supposed lesbian friends make lame comments and jokes about how I am a sell-out who loves nothing more than getting fucked by my partner's Big White Dick.

Grrrrrr.

Last edited by Cors; 03-19-2009 at 01:19 PM.
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Old 03-19-2009, 01:21 PM   #5
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When I get home I'll post my own thoughts.

Should be helpful to see what others go through....
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Old 03-20-2009, 01:49 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cors View Post
I have a history of multiple sexual assaults that I have mostly recovered from, but I cannot help reacting to stupid comments.

I get unusually worked up when people talk about how all lesbians date women only because they have been hurt or rejected by men. Yes, it may seem to make sense but this is not the case for me at all yet I can't bring myself to argue rationally with them. I feel incredibly offended when people, psychologists included talk about how my being with a male now means that I have recovered (from assaults AND the supposed rebellious lesbian phase). I also feel nauseous and violated when my supposed lesbian friends make lame comments and jokes about how I am a sell-out who loves nothing more than getting fucked by my partner's Big White Dick.

Grrrrrr.
I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse you have suffered Cors. You shouldnt have to explain yourself to anyone. Your sexuality is for you to explore with pleasure, not for anyone else to explore with mistrust. It seems you certainly need a new psychologist! Its really unethical plus outdated to 'Blame' certain sexual preferences on past abuses. One of my friends was sexually abused by his uncle when he was young and his psychologist 'blamed' that on him being Gay. So it seems, psycologically, you just cant win. If you are a woman who gets abused by a guy you become a 'lesbian' because you are fucked up and afraid and chose to be with women and if you are a guy who is abused by a guy you therefore become attracted more to guys and become gay???!!! Its just So fucking rediculous. I know plenty straight women who have been the victims of sexual abuse and assaults at the hands of guys and are not gay. I firmly believe this boils down to the fact that we really dont chose our sexuality and the psychologists who subscribe to this bullshit are stuck in the past and probably are looking at things from a very hetrocentric perspective.
Your lesbian friends seem like a bunch of dicks too, either than or they are insensitive and dont realise that they are being totally offensive and hurting you. I say this a lot but i really believe that sexuality is fluid and changes not even just through certain parts of our lives but day by day and hour by hour. I also believe that we can chose or not chose to identify with a particular sexuality. This is why i love the word queer because it encompasses so much. Pretty much everything outside 100% hetrosexuality in a gender identified body. Maby if you talked to your friends about how much that offends you. If they really dont understand you or your sexuality then there will be So many people who will and do understand you. You deserve friends that respect you and your choices and your sexuality. I think these lesbian 'friends' just feel threatened because they are terrified to explore their own sexuality and they just know how precarious it is to define yourself so ridgedly. I bet some of them have had feelings for guys before but rejected them because it didnt 'fit' with their mould of themselves.
You are not 'recovering', although i hope that you are recovered, you are liberated. You are refusing to adhere to the confines of the gay/straight/bi 'rules'. I wish there were more people like you because it cuts right through the bullshit and is honest and brave.
You dont need a new mindset, sexuality, definition you need new friends and psychologist cause the ones you are talking about sound like simmian arseholes!
(((((((cors))))))))))
xmer
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Old 03-20-2009, 10:32 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cors View Post
I have a history of multiple sexual assaults that I have mostly recovered from, but I cannot help reacting to stupid comments.

I get unusually worked up when people talk about how all lesbians date women only because they have been hurt or rejected by men. Yes, it may seem to make sense but this is not the case for me at all yet I can't bring myself to argue rationally with them. I feel incredibly offended when people, psychologists included talk about how my being with a male now means that I have recovered (from assaults AND the supposed rebellious lesbian phase). I also feel nauseous and violated when my supposed lesbian friends make lame comments and jokes about how I am a sell-out who loves nothing more than getting fucked by my partner's Big White Dick.

Grrrrrr.
*hug*

I know we've chatted about it before, but I'll make it public knowledge now. I was raped by a man, sexually assaulted by another man, attacked (probably an intended mugging) by yet another man, and beaten by an ex bf. NONE of these incidents had anything to do with my interest in women, in fact, most of them happened much later. Like Cors, I HATE the assumption that my NATURAL (and yes, all forms of sexuality are natural and exist in basically every species on the planet) attraction to women is the result of abuse from men - that is such an ignorant and dismissive view.

Also, like many here, I hate that my bisexual status places me at the bottom of the GLBT hierarchy. WTF? I'm sorry, I'll try harder to have a more specific attraction. Maybe then I can enter the hardcore club

Finally, when I was dating a woman in first year university, I was fairly certain that my attraction to men was gone and that I was a lesbian. I told my parents....and they did not believe me! They laughed at me and told me not to joke about such things. I know it is of no importance now, since I'm engaged to a man, but seriously...if I had kept dating women, when would they have believed me? When they dropped by my apartment uninvited and caught me wearing a strap-on, elbow-deep in pussy? Jebus.

Haha...oh man, that was a satisfying rant.
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Old 03-20-2009, 10:59 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
Like Cors, I HATE the assumption that my NATURAL (and yes, all forms of sexuality are natural and exist in basically every species on the planet) attraction to women is the result of abuse from men - that is such an ignorant and dismissive view.
YES!
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
It's like whenever I mention being attracted to women, I get this sad lil look. It's full of pity and doubt. Like I'm not really queer, I'm just confused because of abuse.

With or without being assaulted and raped, I would have these same feelings dammit!

Didn't the bastards take enough from us? Serious-fuckin-ly?

I don't even mention to my older friends, not because of shame, but because they all have the same outlook on my sexual prefrence: I'm scared of men, because of what happened when we were young...pfffft.
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Old 03-20-2009, 11:32 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
*hug*

I know we've chatted about it before, but I'll make it public knowledge now. I was raped by a man, sexually assaulted by another man, attacked (probably an intended mugging) by yet another man, and beaten by an ex bf. NONE of these incidents had anything to do with my interest in women, in fact, most of them happened much later. Like Cors, I HATE the assumption that my NATURAL (and yes, all forms of sexuality are natural and exist in basically every species on the planet) attraction to women is the result of abuse from men - that is such an ignorant and dismissive view.

Also, like many here, I hate that my bisexual status places me at the bottom of the GLBT hierarchy. WTF? I'm sorry, I'll try harder to have a more specific attraction. Maybe then I can enter the hardcore club

Finally, when I was dating a woman in first year university, I was fairly certain that my attraction to men was gone and that I was a lesbian. I told my parents....and they did not believe me! They laughed at me and told me not to joke about such things. I know it is of no importance now, since I'm engaged to a man, but seriously...if I had kept dating women, when would they have believed me? When they dropped by my apartment uninvited and caught me wearing a strap-on, elbow-deep in pussy? Jebus.

Haha...oh man, that was a satisfying rant.
((((((((((((((((huggles to you too)))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry that this happened to you too.
I also think its Pish that bi people seem to be at the bottom of some group hierarchy-from now on i'm going to call it the bgtl forum..not sure it will last long mind..


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishty View Post
YES!
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
It's like whenever I mention being attracted to women, I get this sad lil look. It's full of pity and doubt. Like I'm not really queer, I'm just confused because of abuse.

With or without being assaulted and raped, I would have these same feelings dammit!

Didn't the bastards take enough from us? Serious-fuckin-ly?

I don't even mention to my older friends, not because of shame, but because they all have the same outlook on my sexual prefrence: I'm scared of men, because of what happened when we were young...pfffft.
Fuck this..its fucked up, that for one thing so far, the three of you have had experiences of your sexuality not being taken seriously on top of and because of sexual abuse. I just dont know what to say that wouldnt be just repeating what i said to cors except that people can be stupid fucks sometimes..
sorry..i swear more when i'm angry!
((((((((((hugs missus)))))))))))))))))))))
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Old 03-20-2009, 01:20 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse you have suffered Cors. You shouldnt have to explain yourself to anyone. Your sexuality is for you to explore with pleasure, not for anyone else to explore with mistrust. It seems you certainly need a new psychologist! Its really unethical plus outdated to 'Blame' certain sexual preferences on past abuses. One of my friends was sexually abused by his uncle when he was young and his psychologist 'blamed' that on him being Gay. So it seems, psycologically, you just cant win. If you are a woman who gets abused by a guy you become a 'lesbian' because you are fucked up and afraid and chose to be with women and if you are a guy who is abused by a guy you therefore become attracted more to guys and become gay???!!! Its just So fucking rediculous. I know plenty straight women who have been the victims of sexual abuse and assaults at the hands of guys and are not gay. I firmly believe this boils down to the fact that we really dont chose our sexuality and the psychologists who subscribe to this bullshit are stuck in the past and probably are looking at things from a very hetrocentric perspective.
Your lesbian friends seem like a bunch of dicks too, either than or they are insensitive and dont realise that they are being totally offensive and hurting you. I say this a lot but i really believe that sexuality is fluid and changes not even just through certain parts of our lives but day by day and hour by hour. I also believe that we can chose or not chose to identify with a particular sexuality. This is why i love the word queer because it encompasses so much. Pretty much everything outside 100% hetrosexuality in a gender identified body. Maby if you talked to your friends about how much that offends you. If they really dont understand you or your sexuality then there will be So many people who will and do understand you. You deserve friends that respect you and your choices and your sexuality. I think these lesbian 'friends' just feel threatened because they are terrified to explore their own sexuality and they just know how precarious it is to define yourself so ridgedly. I bet some of them have had feelings for guys before but rejected them because it didnt 'fit' with their mould of themselves.
You are not 'recovering', although i hope that you are recovered, you are liberated. You are refusing to adhere to the confines of the gay/straight/bi 'rules'. I wish there were more people like you because it cuts right through the bullshit and is honest and brave.
You dont need a new mindset, sexuality, definition you need new friends and psychologist cause the ones you are talking about sound like simmian arseholes!
(((((((cors))))))))))
xmer
Thanks Mer!

My current psychologist is extremely sweet and understanding, but most others I went to were unfortunately not. Yes, it is possible (and simplistic) that rape victims who identified as straight end up distrusting men and feel safer forming relationships with women, but unless she is inherently interested in them she is likely to go back to men eventually.

Most of my friends don't know about the assaults so I can't quite blame them. I have never felt comfortable sharing all of that because of their ignorance and well, it is just plain awkward. I remembered my closest friends at that time just ended up avoiding me after because they didn't quite know what to do. And well, I had nasty exes who exploited that vulnerability too so that explains a bit of the mess. Anyway, the few close friends who do know generally act like I am all recovered because I am able to love and trust a biological male, never mind that he is androgynous and completely asexual. They seem genuinely happy for me and often use my story to illustrate how love supposedly conquers all, but that just makes me all sulky because I haven't had a proper intimate relationship in years. No point bursting their bubble though.

My closest friends (gay boys and straight girls) will probably never quite get my sexuality, but they love me anyway. I do wonder if some "Gold Star Lesbians" (and straight men) are more interested in men than they let on. They are all coming out now that it is acceptable and even encouraged to talk about their Guy Crushes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Melian View Post
*hug*

I know we've chatted about it before, but I'll make it public knowledge now. I was raped by a man, sexually assaulted by another man, attacked (probably an intended mugging) by yet another man, and beaten by an ex bf. NONE of these incidents had anything to do with my interest in women, in fact, most of them happened much later. Like Cors, I HATE the assumption that my NATURAL (and yes, all forms of sexuality are natural and exist in basically every species on the planet) attraction to women is the result of abuse from men - that is such an ignorant and dismissive view.

Also, like many here, I hate that my bisexual status places me at the bottom of the GLBT hierarchy. WTF? I'm sorry, I'll try harder to have a more specific attraction. Maybe then I can enter the hardcore club

Finally, when I was dating a woman in first year university, I was fairly certain that my attraction to men was gone and that I was a lesbian. I told my parents....and they did not believe me! They laughed at me and told me not to joke about such things. I know it is of no importance now, since I'm engaged to a man, but seriously...if I had kept dating women, when would they have believed me? When they dropped by my apartment uninvited and caught me wearing a strap-on, elbow-deep in pussy? Jebus.

Haha...oh man, that was a satisfying rant.
*hugs back*

It is a damn shame that so many queer women are biphobic. They are missing out on some amazing women! I admit that I am somewhat envious of true bisexuals. I wish I could nurture some sort of a healthy sexual interest in penis, if anything just so that I can see what the fuss is about.

An ex-girlfriend of mine was emotionally and physically abusive. I wanted to explore that subject in a queer women's portal I used to write for, but some of the women weren't too happy about it and/or didn't believe me because LOL, only men can assault women and OMG, must not put lesbianism in a bad light!

My parents didn't take me seriously either. They are convinced that their prayers have worked and it amuses me greatly. And oooh, fellow fisting aficionado? (Must not scare the potentially submissive butches away though...)

And hmm, I vaguely remember reading a number of reports about how there is a higher incidence of sexual violence in the queer community and oh, higher rates of alcoholism, substance abuse, depression, mood and personality disorders too...

Last edited by Cors; 03-20-2009 at 01:30 PM.
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Old 03-21-2009, 10:21 AM   #11
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I wish I could nurture some sort of a healthy sexual interest in penis, if anything just so that I can see what the fuss is about.
Here is a secret: I have no interest in penis. At all. I am interested in a fat man's body, as a whole, with particular interest in moobs, belly and ass, but I feign an interest in penis to please the man (thus allowing myself access to what I want out of the deal). Actual intercourse does nothing for me, but again, a man doesn't want to hear that, so I play along while enjoying his body. My fiance basically understands my deal, so sex ends up being kind of turn-based, but it works out really well!

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And oooh, fellow fisting aficionado? (Must not scare the potentially submissive butches away though...)
Ahem...I have no idea what you're talking about
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Old 03-21-2009, 01:15 PM   #12
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Here is a secret: I have no interest in penis. At all. I am interested in a fat man's body, as a whole, with particular interest in moobs, belly and ass, but I feign an interest in penis to please the man (thus allowing myself access to what I want out of the deal). Actual intercourse does nothing for me, but again, a man doesn't want to hear that, so I play along while enjoying his body. My fiance basically understands my deal, so sex ends up being kind of turn-based, but it works out really well!
Sounds like a good deal, though I imagine the lack of interest in penis and intercourse would make most men insecure. Pity my partner has no jiggly parts for me to play with and he doesn't seem to be sexually interested in anything at all.

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Ahem...I have no idea what you're talking about
Aww!
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Old 03-21-2009, 06:24 PM   #13
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double post, sorry

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Old 03-21-2009, 06:36 PM   #14
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YES!
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
It's like whenever I mention being attracted to women, I get this sad lil look. It's full of pity and doubt. Like I'm not really queer, I'm just confused because of abuse.

With or without being assaulted and raped, I would have these same feelings dammit!

Didn't the bastards take enough from us? Serious-fuckin-ly?

I don't even mention to my older friends, not because of shame, but because they all have the same outlook on my sexual prefrence: I'm scared of men, because of what happened when we were young...pfffft.
I understand totally. I have NEVER been sexually abused or sexually assaulted and I'm gay!!. I once had an experience when a male friend tried it on with me and was ignoring my refusal and getting a bit persistant. It's a long story but I got away and nothing happened to me other than a few unwanted kisses on my neck. I was attracted to womem before this happened. I had male partners after this happened and it never affected me and is totally nothing to do with the fact I am now in a relationship with a woman. It's so stupid!! The thing with the friend of ours that Mergirl was talking about is a little more complicated than that. He went for a mental health assesment because he was having terrifying nightmares that were disturbing his sleep most nights and leaving him exhausted. He never even told the psychologist that he had any issues about his sexuality. However my friend did have some issues about his sexuality because his coming out story was another cracker...his family did not take it well, especially his mother. His issues about his sexuality were to do with that.

We shared a room and a bed one night (purely platonic) and he woke me up thrashing around terrified and kicking me in his sleep. I woke him up and hugged him and told him he was ok, this is when he told me about the abuse. I suggested he might need counselling in order to deal with it and sort the sleeping problems out. That aresehole of a psychologist made him worse for a while until he went for a second opinion and got a decent psychologist, however after his first experience it took him a while to build up the courage to go and leven onger to trust them. He is doing really well now though and got the help he should have had in the first place.
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Old 03-21-2009, 08:15 PM   #15
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sex ends up being kind of turn-based, but it works out really well!
So does a make out session start by rolling for initiative?
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:40 AM   #16
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So does a make out session start by rolling for initiative?
I dont get this?
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:43 AM   #17
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Here is a secret: I have no interest in penis. At all. I am interested in a fat man's body, as a whole, with particular interest in moobs, belly and ass, but I feign an interest in penis to please the man (thus allowing myself access to what I want out of the deal). Actual intercourse does nothing for me, but again, a man doesn't want to hear that, so I play along while enjoying his body. My fiance basically understands my deal, so sex ends up being kind of turn-based, but it works out really well!

See, thats really interesting.. and something i have long suspected have been the feelings of a lot of Fa's for a while..i started a thread..'are Fa's more bi-sexual?' to see what people thought about this..i guess fatsexual sums it up..hmm
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:29 PM   #18
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I dont get this?

Melian is a gamer, and in many turn-based games you determine who gets to act first by rolling dice. This is called 'rolling for initiative'.
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Old 03-23-2009, 04:03 AM   #19
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Melian is a gamer, and in many turn-based games you determine who gets to act first by rolling dice. This is called 'rolling for initiative'.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i see. Thank you!
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Old 03-23-2009, 11:32 AM   #20
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So does a make out session start by rolling for initiative?
Always....well...sometimes we have a quick race in MarioKart.

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See, thats really interesting.. and something i have long suspected have been the feelings of a lot of Fa's for a while..i started a thread..'are Fa's more bi-sexual?' to see what people thought about this..i guess fatsexual sums it up..hmm
Checking your thread...
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Old 03-23-2009, 11:38 AM   #21
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Always....well...sometimes we have a quick race in MarioKart.



Checking your thread...
See, there was a lot more i wanted to say about this but i wanted to see what other people though first.. maby its just something i have made up.. lol.. but i think i could see why it could work. Sexy belllies are sexy bellies ..i guess the question would be "would you like yours with hair or without?"
hmm then again..i know women with hairy bellies and guys with smooth.. so i dont actually know WHAT the question would be!! lol..
I do love mario cart.. There is an amusement arcade about 10 mins away from me where you actually get to sit in the wee car and steer.. much better than my ds!.. anyway..i digress..lol
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Old 03-24-2009, 05:11 AM   #22
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Hey

You can have sex and grope your boyfriend at the same time!!!

William- A certified genius


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Originally Posted by Melian View Post
Here is a secret: I have no interest in penis. At all. I am interested in a fat man's body, as a whole, with particular interest in moobs, belly and ass, but I feign an interest in penis to please the man (thus allowing myself access to what I want out of the deal). Actual intercourse does nothing for me, but again, a man doesn't want to hear that, so I play along while enjoying his body. My fiance basically understands my deal, so sex ends up being kind of turn-based, but it works out really well!



Ahem...I have no idea what you're talking about
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Old 03-24-2009, 12:42 PM   #23
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Hey

You can have sex and grope your boyfriend at the same time!!!

William- A certified genius
Not to the degree that I want....without getting into the details. LOL.
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Old 03-24-2009, 02:26 PM   #24
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Boy

You sure use the word details better than my Boss!!!

Enjoy your Guy!!

William


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Not to the degree that I want....without getting into the details. LOL.
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Old 03-31-2009, 10:18 AM   #25
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I was thinking today about being queer and particapating in talking therapy like counselling, c.b.t., psychotherapy etc and about recieving help from mental health services including community psychiatric nurses etc. I was thinking about my own experiences of using these services and how it is assumed you are hetrosexual much of the time, how it is awkward because sometimes you are forced to bring up your sexuality even when you are not ready or dont feel the need to talk about it. There are also still some paractitioners out there who will blame many psychiatric illness on being non hetrosexual.
I remember when i was in my early 20's going to see a counciller. I didn't really 'come out' until about the third session, which was quite traumatic. I feel there can also be a real fear of rejection about our sexualities from mental health professionals and at the time, for me this was exacerbated by other rejections i had faced.
When i talked about my sexuality my counseller (who was kinna old) said "You just sleep with women because you are a nice girl and find people attractive" !!?? He said a bunch of other stuff that really de-valued my sexuality.. it was bizarre. There are SO MANY shite mental health 'proffessionals' .. I remember actually going to my GP when i was a teenager with depression and anxiety and he said "You think too much". Seven years of medical school to tell me that!! needless to say i walked out of there cured and have never had any mental health issues ever again!! lol
Has anyone felt any of the things i felt when dealing with mental health services? Or felt anything negative when using these services because of your sexuality?
I actually just realised i hadn't talked about my experiences of mental health yet.. i think i kinna wanted to listen to other people for a bit..kinna like co-counselling.. also i feel like i might need about 400mbs of space to fit it all in and am trying to work up the energy to write about it all! lol..maby i will do it in wee bits...
Anyway..i ramble..what was the point again? oh yes..
Has anyone felt any of the things i felt when dealing with mental health services? Or felt anything negative when using these services because of your sexuality?
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