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Old 01-08-2012, 03:33 AM   #201
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IC I once dumped a guy due to lack of sex. He only gave in on the weekends, claiming work and back issues made it difficult during the week. We lived together and I offered to do all the work being on top! Alas, no. However, that breakup conversation led to a line he would repeat for years to people we knew mutually: "You're like an old Mercedes owned by a seventy year old woman. You like to go for a leisurely Sunday drive around town before parking in the garage for another week. I'm a Lamborghini. I am meant to be driven fast, hard, and OFTEN."

Most men would have taken it as an insult.
Would rep, but can't yet.
Not sure I understand that. I can understand missing cues (hey, she seems tired or preoccupied or otherwise not in the mood, and just not noticing that she actually IS in the mood), but I don't get not wanting to when asked directly. I mean, simple courtesy would indicate at least making the effort -- even if there were a physiological reason it might not actualy work (erctile dysfunction, fear of cardiopulmonary issues, bad contraceptive timing, etc) at least some kind of sexual intimacy should always be possible!

-Rusty
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:27 AM   #202
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I miss dinner...drinks....(A DATE) the "dance"..or courting if you prefer... ...someone trying to actually engage you, to flirt with you...to talk with you and the first kiss.

Not this weird and highly annoying thing online where men think they are going to come to your house, whom you have never met, and you are going to drop your pants. lol They honestly believe this is how it is done and you're going to have sex and that's all they can talk about in IM over and over if you stick around to listen.....you cease being a person at this point, you have no value and you really don't matter. Blarg.
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:14 PM   #203
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I wish I could go back a year.

Even though you were deployed overseas and I couldn't talk to you very often, knowing you loved me kept me going.


Now what?

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Old 01-11-2012, 01:40 PM   #204
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I feel like a dirty birdie when i'm pantieless under my jeans.
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Old 01-11-2012, 04:15 PM   #205
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I must always be a dirty birdie
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Old 01-11-2012, 04:43 PM   #206
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I must always be a dirty birdie

Why the eyeroll?
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Old 01-11-2012, 05:09 PM   #207
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Why the eyeroll?
I was thinking of it as more of a wicked smirk
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Old 01-11-2012, 09:28 PM   #208
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I was thinking of it as more of a wicked smirk
ahhhh

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Old 01-12-2012, 05:24 PM   #209
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IC I just had yummy lovely cheesecake

Where's the sex?
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Old 01-12-2012, 06:51 PM   #210
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With the help of a Patterson trocar and a few inches of medical-grade silastic tubing, my goal of being able to breathe through my ears may soon be a reality. I'm sure the lucky lady will see this as a win-win despite the quasi-lobotomy scars...
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Old 01-12-2012, 06:59 PM   #211
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With the help of a Patterson trocar and a few inches of medical-grade silastic tubing, my goal of being able to breathe through my ears may soon be a reality. I'm sure the lucky lady will see this as a win-win despite the quasi-lobotomy scars...
This is the most elaborate way I've ever seen anyone seduce a woman into getting eaten out...as if you have to seduce a woman into getting eaten out. Usually the offer alone will be enough.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:15 PM   #212
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Yeah, but think of the endless possibilities for face sitting as long as you don't get ear-muffed by the thighs.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:44 PM   #213
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This is the most elaborate way I've ever seen anyone seduce a woman into getting eaten out...as if you have to seduce a woman into getting eaten out. Usually the offer alone will be enough.
My offer to perform on a lady is always there. It's there before the discussion even gets to that point. The issue is being able to breathe properly in what is otherwise a vigorous tongue exercise. If I could design a Cunnilingual Snorkel, the world would be my oyster :P.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:51 PM   #214
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Fuck the rep gods, I wanna rep a huge portion of the most recent posts on this thread. made me el oh el
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:51 PM   #215
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My offer to perform on a lady is always there. It's there before the discussion even gets to that point. The issue is being able to breathe properly in what is otherwise a vigorous tongue exercise. If I could design a Cunnilingual Snorkel, the world would be my oyster :P.
You should have that put on a T-shirt.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:52 PM   #216
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My offer to perform on a lady is always there. It's there before the discussion even gets to that point. The issue is being able to breathe properly in what is otherwise a vigorous tongue exercise. If I could design a Cunnilingual Snorkel, the world would be my oyster :P.
'The world is my oyster' is my line, pal.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:57 PM   #217
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'The world is my oyster' is my line, pal.
I was originally going to go with "If I could design a Cunnilingual Snorkel, the world would be my bitch. Then the bitches would be my bitch" but I didn't want to sound disrespectful.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:58 PM   #218
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You should have that put on a T-shirt.
It sounds too much like something the guidos would wear on Jersey Shore. And they'd end up spelling "cunnilingus" incorrectly.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:58 PM   #219
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Hmm, it's usually called a clam where I'm from, but I guess oyster could work too if you wanted to keep a seafood thing going.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:58 PM   #220
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Men, who love the art of cunnilingus are a wonderful breed..and one who goes to great lengths to ensure his ability to stay on that one spot without having to come up for air and I lose the climax......well, he is the guy many girls dream about and is all kinds of awesome.... just sayin'
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:58 PM   #221
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It sounds too much like something the guidos would wear on Jersey Shore. And they'd end up spelling "cunnilingus" incorrectly.
You're right...they'd think it was cuntilingus.
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:13 PM   #222
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You're right...they'd think it was cuntilingus.
Actually I think they'd assume it was an alcoholic beverage.

"Give me anothah boilahmaka, you muhfucka, and put some cunnilingus in it!"
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:14 PM   #223
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Hmm, it's usually called a clam where I'm from, but I guess oyster could work too if you wanted to keep a seafood thing going.
Then again, I think I should retrospectively remove all references to shellfish and ocean-derived things, just to eliminate the obvious stereotypes.
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:17 PM   #224
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Actually I think they'd assume it was an alcoholic beverage.

"Give me anothah boilahmaka, you muhfucka, and put some cunnilingus in it!"
Or they would probably confuse it with food, " Hey you shoulda tasted that eggplant cunnilingus I ate a lasta night, just like my muddah used ta make."
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Old 01-12-2012, 08:20 PM   #225
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Or they would probably confuse it with food, " Hey you shoulda tasted that eggplant cunnilingus I ate a lasta night, just like my muddah used ta make."
If it would permanently sterilize them I'd give them all the eggplant cunnilingus they could eat.
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