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Old 04-06-2009, 08:22 PM   #1
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Default the contridiction of being an athlete and an FA

Is anyone else out there in my position.

All of my life I have been an athlete, I have played sports all the way from grade school to college. I have always been extremely fit, my whole family has always been extremely fit. I also have been an FA ever since I can remember. I can't imagine that I'm the only one who has seen this dichotomy.
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Old 04-06-2009, 08:48 PM   #2
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In answer to your initial question, I've never been athletic (so I can't answer from your exact viewpoint), but I've always kept relatively fit.

But...
It really doesn't seem like a dichotomy to me.
A fondness for sports (which boils down to a "hobby" much more than a "lifestyle" in the end) has little to do with the issue, and your fitness is more than likely due to so-called "good genetics," a high metabolism, and possibly a desire to actually be viewed as what society deems fit (whether you care about what others think or just do it because you like your body the way it is).

A preference for BBWs, even if a particularly strong one, is still just a preference. Although it's a weak analogy, one might compare your situation to a straight-laced prep falling for a heavily pierced goth, or even more simply, a blond who likes brunettes. Attraction is a very individual thing and one's own traits don't necessarily have anything to do with it, in my opinion.

If, though, your dichotomy-related concern is born of the fact that the reason you keep fit is because you think all fat is disgusting (yet are somehow still attracted to larger women?), then there might a deeper issue to work out. But that doesn't seem to be the case...

That's my take on it anyway. I really don't think you have anything to be worried about if you're concerned about appearing hypocritical. No one calls out the lovely ladies on this site who prefer thin/lanky/muscular guys.

EDIT: Wait a tic. "ms"morga1? If you're female then I apologize for assuming the opposite. But what I said still applies.

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Old 04-06-2009, 09:07 PM   #3
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I played sports too and fail to see what the problem is. I was always open about my preference and of course I took a little shit here and there but it wasn't a big deal. They joked about my women, I told them theirs looked buckled in the face and we moved on with our lives. Sometimes you just got to man up and not give a flyin fark what people think is the norm. You'll be a lot happier in the long run.
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:22 PM   #4
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I think it's kind of a hetero-thing. Not necessarily heterosexual, just hetero-type (if that's even a real term).

"Hetero" refers to "other". It could just be that we like body types other than our own. Perhaps we don't find our own body type attractive.

I, personally, am not turned on by the way I look.

There are those of us that look for people who look different than we do.

This could apply to those who are attracted to the same gender or to the opposite gender.

Just my theory.
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Old 04-06-2009, 09:48 PM   #5
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I'll respond as a BHM that is attracted to SSBBW...

You have to break down the barriers ( be it friends, family and "horrors" BBW) . The obstacle with BBW is the initial response of being interested in Athletics . Very few Women let alone BBW are fond of the Weightlifting/Bodybuilding scene.

I enjoy weightlifting /strength training /and a few other sports activities. In the past- I've had some BBW respond with

" How could someone who likes working out be interested in someone who is (full figured/Super Sized) ?"

I was able to express what I found attractive and that the fact that I like a Beautiful Large Woman was a definite preference. I'm very fortunate to have found a sweet SSBBW,Debra, that enjoys bodybuilding. I think I hit the Lotto and the fact that I enjoyed working out never became an issue.

Plus, the contrast of a Gorgeous Large Body with Muscular Body is pretty damn cool
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:46 AM   #6
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I think it's kind of a hetero-thing. Not necessarily heterosexual, just hetero-type (if that's even a real term).

"Hetero" refers to "other". It could just be that we like body types other than our own. Perhaps we don't find our own body type attractive.

I, personally, am not turned on by the way I look.

There are those of us that look for people who look different than we do.

This could apply to those who are attracted to the same gender or to the opposite gender.

Just my theory.
yeah, this is definitely OTM...the "opposites attract" thing at times comes from a desire to see someone else enjoying something we won't allow ourselves. i.e. i've talked to more than one ffa/female feeder who struggled with anorexia/bulimia before or even after their sexuality became manifest. and you could pin down the fetish/preference for many on the forbidden fruitness of it all, seeing yourself one way and vicariously enjoying the pleasures you deny yourself vis-a-vis a partner who indulges in them.

though generally when i find another dude attractive (i'm straight but i have my taste), he's like me...thin and angular, whereas attractive women to me are unequivocally rounded.

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Old 04-07-2009, 12:48 AM   #7
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I don't think you have to like on yourself the same thing you'd like on your partner (the extra weight); as long as you're not telling your BBW girlfriend to work out with you if she doesn't want to, then I don't see any hang-ups at all.
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:09 AM   #8
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I don't see a problem at all. I'm athletic and in shape, so is the rest of my family, I don't see how that should effect my preferences at all. I do work out obsessivly at times and I do love participating in any sports, both things I know that are contradictory for my preference. I always chalked it up to you like what is different from yourself. I have no intention of changing, and I have no intention of changing my significant other, as long as there is a mutual respect there, I don't see how any problems can arise.
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Old 04-07-2009, 08:11 AM   #9
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I think whether or not this is much of an issue will depend a lot on what you would like your relationship to be like. Some people expect to do almost everything with their partner, while others expect that they will both have their own individual interests that take up a fair bit of their time, and they share only some of their time, interests, and activities. Neither way is ‘better’ in my way of looking at things, so long as it works for the couple in question.

If you remain very involved in athletics and get involved with a fat partner, they probably aren’t going to be sharing those athletics with you. If they have their own interests that you don’t feel a need to share, that can work out great; you go for a run when they go to choir practice, or whatever. On the other hand, if either of you feel that couples should do most things together, then yah, I can see how it becomes a problem. But note that this is not just a fat partner issue. My brother is a runner and golfer, while my sister-in-law is fairly athletic but doesn’t do either of those, but does play a lot of tennis, which my brother plays only occasionally. They both down hill ski, but prefer different runs. But they have a great relationship overall.

I suppose the other issue could be, if your friends are also very into athletics, do they treat your fat partner well? But that is not so much an issue of you being an athlete, that is an issue of what are your friends like, and that is an issue for all sorts of couples. My wife and my friends can get along, but in general neither goes out of their way to hang with the other; this has very little to do with my wife’s size, and much more to do with personality issues, priorities, and backgrounds.
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Old 04-07-2009, 10:30 AM   #10
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Thank you all for you comments. I have never had a problem of perception on my side of the relationship. Most of the time the tension that can develop stems from the well intentioned actions of important people in my life. On more than one occasion the girl whom I was dating was pressured by some of my friends to come and participate in a sport that she is just not comfortable participating in. My sister once tried to rope my then girlfriend Lindsay into running the turkey trot with us (a 10k held on thanksgiving morning). Lindsay feeling pressured caved and attempted it, and proceed to hurt herself. My sister didn't intend any harm, she was just trying to include Lindsay in something that she enjoyed.


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Old 04-07-2009, 11:44 AM   #11
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It's an interesting question. I am by no means an athlete but I do like to run around and enjoy some sports. I kind of look at it as being able to have differing interests.

If I were dating an SSBBW, I wouldn't refrain from doing sports, any more than I would expect her not to go clothes shopping or to the yarn store or to some other thing she liked that I would have no interest in. It's true that I might do those activities with other friends and that some of them might be girls, but I imagine we would talk about it.

By the same token, I don't really like weighing more than 205 or 210, but that doesn't have anything to do with my preferences.
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:44 PM   #12
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Not really a contradiction. Don't know why you would call it that to be honest. Those situations can come up regardless of the fact that you're an athlete or not.

I work out a lot as well (It's out of love for it though), but with any woman, I wouldn't come ask her one day if she wanted to run 6 miles with me unless I knew she was capable. Size has nothing to do with it.

Frankly I think your hobby is a good way for you to open up to your partner if you can find something that you both like to do together.
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:59 PM   #13
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...the "opposites attract" thing at times comes from a desire to see someone else enjoying something we won't allow ourselves. i.e. i've talked to more than one ffa/female feeder who struggled with anorexia/bulimia before or even after their sexuality became manifest. and you could pin down the fetish/preference for many on the forbidden fruitness of it all, seeing yourself one way and vicariously enjoying the pleasures you deny yourself vis-a-vis a partner who indulges in them.
Actually, it's not that I won't allow myself to get bigger...it's just the way things work out. I eat substantially more than my girlfriend does...more, in fact than most of the people I know (aside from a really skinny male cousin of mine).

It's not about living vicariously through the fat of others...not for me, anyway. It's more to do with me finding my type of body aesthetically and sexually uninspiring.



Edit: Just for the record, I'm not athletic, just tending a bit towards slim.

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Old 04-07-2009, 06:53 PM   #14
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Contradiction, no.

Biggest issue is the idea of a 400lbs woman sitting at your family dinner table. If you can picture that happening peacefully, then no problem!

There is an upside to it though.

With a lean athletic body you could probably carry a nice size woman and survive quite the vicious squashing.
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Old 04-08-2009, 08:52 AM   #15
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Is anyone else out there in my position.

All of my life I have been an athlete, I have played sports all the way from grade school to college. I have always been extremely fit, my whole family has always been extremely fit. I also have been an FA ever since I can remember. I can't imagine that I'm the only one who has seen this dichotomy.
I'm in this position too. I used to think it was more of a contradiction, especially because many of the people I first "came out" to as an FFA all would say things like "but you're so athletic, isn't that hypocritical?" But first of all, there are athletic BBW and BHM. And there are sedentary thin people. Also, in my case, I'm not looking for my significant other to be my workout partner. If we have that in common, great, if we don't, that doesn't bother me. I have many facets to my personality, it's not all sports all the time. I think it's good for couples to have things in common, but I've never understood people who do everything together. And if you flip it around, is it a contradiction for fat people to like athletic F/FAs? I think most people would say no. If you specifically prefer non-athletes, I don't think that's a contradiction either, as long as you value what their interests and talents are. In other words, I think it would only be a problem if you thought athletes were somehow superior to other people. But if you're proud of your athletic abilities, but also believe someone who is smart/artistic/musically talented or any other thing should be equally proud of those abilities, then I don't think you need to worry. And I've found in the past that dating a non-athletic man gave my overall life greater balance. As for balancing it in a relationship if you know it takes a lot of your time, you need to find a woman who understands that and has plenty of her own interests, or likes time away from you as well. Actually, any athlete who trains for long hours is going to be in that position regardless of the size of their partner, unless you dated someone in the same sport at the same level.
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Old 04-08-2009, 10:17 AM   #16
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I don't think you have to like on yourself the same thing you'd like on your partner (the extra weight); as long as you're not telling your BBW girlfriend to work out with you if she doesn't want to, then I don't see any hang-ups at all.
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Old 04-08-2009, 06:49 PM   #17
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I don't see an issue here. I was a track athlete when I was young, and played near-professional ball. I've been athletic all my life. I am 58 now, 6 foot tall and weigh 160. I am an avid scuba diver and go running every other day, always. None of this has ever interfered with me being a FA. I mean, if a man likes blondes, there's no pressure on him to be blonde, too. We are what we are, and we like what we like.

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Is anyone else out there in my position.

All of my life I have been an athlete, I have played sports all the way from grade school to college. I have always been extremely fit, my whole family has always been extremely fit. I also have been an FA ever since I can remember. I can't imagine that I'm the only one who has seen this dichotomy.
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Old 04-08-2009, 07:05 PM   #18
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If this argument stood, then fat women would (should?) only find large men attractive? I agree with most here who say this is a non-starter of a problem for people who like large partners.

You are what you are, you like what you like. Neither require a mirror reflection.

If you're talking of the habits and activities associated with athleticism... go for it, I'll be here when you get home from that run.
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Old 04-08-2009, 07:09 PM   #19
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I'm in this position too. I used to think it was more of a contradiction, especially because many of the people I first "came out" to as an FFA all would say things like "but you're so athletic, isn't that hypocritical?" But first of all, there are athletic BBW and BHM. And there are sedentary thin people. Also, in my case, I'm not looking for my significant other to be my workout partner. If we have that in common, great, if we don't, that doesn't bother me. I have many facets to my personality, it's not all sports all the time. I think it's good for couples to have things in common, but I've never understood people who do everything together. And if you flip it around, is it a contradiction for fat people to like athletic F/FAs? I think most people would say no. If you specifically prefer non-athletes, I don't think that's a contradiction either, as long as you value what their interests and talents are. In other words, I think it would only be a problem if you thought athletes were somehow superior to other people. But if you're proud of your athletic abilities, but also believe someone who is smart/artistic/musically talented or any other thing should be equally proud of those abilities, then I don't think you need to worry. And I've found in the past that dating a non-athletic man gave my overall life greater balance. As for balancing it in a relationship if you know it takes a lot of your time, you need to find a woman who understands that and has plenty of her own interests, or likes time away from you as well. Actually, any athlete who trains for long hours is going to be in that position regardless of the size of their partner, unless you dated someone in the same sport at the same level.
I was thinking the same exact thing. I see no contradiction.

It seems weird to me to think that just because a person is fat that they despise exercise on principal when more likely, it's just because it just plain hurts and we just get tired a whole hell of a lot sooner than thin people. And there are fat people who exercise regularly but never loose significant amounts of weight. It's possible to be fat and fit. Then there are other activities fat people might enjoy, like dancing, that a couple could do together. Nothing contradictory about grabbing your partners hips while you merengue or salsa or slow dance together.
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Old 04-08-2009, 07:37 PM   #20
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Is anyone else out there in my position.

All of my life I have been an athlete, I have played sports all the way from grade school to college. I have always been extremely fit, my whole family has always been extremely fit. I also have been an FA ever since I can remember. I can't imagine that I'm the only one who has seen this dichotomy.
This is a great thread!! ALong time ago, when i was dating, I dated alot of bodybuilding/ sports fanatics. I always asked them ..."why a BBW" you take such good care of your body! The answer was always the same. It is just what they like! Most men , from what I believe, do sports and body building/lifting for the love of it, for the adrenaline release. I have a preference for Lean "er" and/or muscular guys, personally, and I know ALOT of BBW who also love men in this category ! For me, I love going to the gym,..mostly just cardio stuff, and walks with my family. Although , as many of you know, I adore all men, but this is one category I just swoon over!
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From a friend : "its interesting. you seem to have a contentious love affair with sexual temptation...."
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Old 04-08-2009, 07:56 PM   #21
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If this argument stood, then fat women would (should?) only find large men attractive? I agree with most here who say this is a non-starter of a problem for people who like large partners.

You are what you are, you like what you like. Neither require a mirror reflection.

If you're talking of the habits and activities associated with athleticism... go for it, I'll be here when you get home from that run.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH! Workout number two! lol
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Old 04-08-2009, 09:25 PM   #22
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Is anyone else out there in my position.

All of my life I have been an athlete, I have played sports all the way from grade school to college. I have always been extremely fit, my whole family has always been extremely fit. I also have been an FA ever since I can remember. I can't imagine that I'm the only one who has seen this dichotomy.
First off you're not the only one!! For me there has never been a contradiction between being an FA and being a martial artist. Being an FA and martial artist are both who I am,and I've been both for a very long time.
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Old 04-10-2009, 06:26 PM   #23
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yeah, this is definitely OTM...the "opposites attract" thing at times comes from a desire to see someone else enjoying something we won't allow ourselves. i.e. i've talked to more than one ffa/female feeder who struggled with anorexia/bulimia before or even after their sexuality became manifest. and you could pin down the fetish/preference for many on the forbidden fruitness of it all, seeing yourself one way and vicariously enjoying the pleasures you deny yourself vis-a-vis a partner who indulges in them.

though generally when i find another dude attractive (i'm straight but i have my taste), he's like me...thin and angular, whereas attractive women to me are unequivocally rounded.
this.


Yeah I think for me I'm the same... I'm kinda small and thin, I don't mind whatever i look like, but I think I really enjoy having a partner who is different than me in that regard. Opposites attract. I'll date a thin lady too, I don't care, but as far as preferring people, I prefer the well rounded and shapely.
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Old 04-13-2009, 09:45 PM   #24
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I played sports too and fail to see what the problem is. I was always open about my preference and of course I took a little shit here and there but it wasn't a big deal. They joked about my women, I told them theirs looked buckled in the face and we moved on with our lives. Sometimes you just got to man up and not give a flyin fark what people think is the norm. You'll be a lot happier in the long run.
I don't mean to quote Paris Hilton but "that's hot!" I love when a man just lays it all on the line and moves on the next minute.
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Old 04-14-2009, 12:34 PM   #25
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I'm an FFA. I also have bulimia (getting treatment) and I'm very much into sports...I'm a soccer gal. It doesnt have to make sense. We like what we like.
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So shall we recap this pathetic life?
I'll role the clip, you'll hold the knife.
Rewind back to when you cared,
then fast-forward to the scars we bare.
And we'll open our eyes to find everything's fading.
Reckon it's fatal, but just look at the ratings.
Because the populace indulges through TV screens,
TiVo the laughter and mute the screams.
Thus we bottle all our tears inside,
repress the pain till our hearts collide...
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