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Old 04-07-2009, 12:40 AM   #1
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Default who is/was the hardest person to tell and why?

i've told my dad and my friends straight up: "i like fat girls."

but my relationship with my mom is shaky and i'd be grateful to never ever have to discuss my sexuality with her. so i've been fortunate; she has met two or three fat girls i've brought home, so she can't possibly not know, and she's been nothing but polite to them, which is all i could ask. but my dad's hinted that she's "not thrilled," and after i casually lost 20-30 lbs. she said "you're not gonna get fat again are you?" i was only 160 at my highest, my dad's probably 200 and always somewhat struggled, i feel bad for him if she thought i was fat.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:28 AM   #2
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I've only had to state the obvious to a few blockheaded people I know. My family and most friends got the idea that I liked fat girls after I brought home quite a few, and when my buds and I would go out clubbing, I would always wind up with the fattest one in the club. LOL, in fact they would scope out the club FOR fat chicks for me! And when asked why, then I would tell them, "Cuz thats what I find hot" or similar response.
Very few people in my life have asked me that, they kinda get it after a while. The only family member who was a dick about it was my middle brother, a jock and a real asshole from elpaso. With out a shred of tact, he even questioned me in front of my date (who I was quite serious about) and even started in on her, and was getting graphic to boot.
I cut that conversation short, and decided to cut this person, who was only related to me by chance and not choice, out of my life as much as possible.

Being a FA, and 'out of the closet' means that most people will catch on eventualy, and most dont really care.

And, congrats on the FA/FFA board!
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:18 AM   #3
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It was definitely hardest to tell my mother. Although we're very close (it's just been me and her my whole life; no siblings or father), or perhaps as a result of that, I was concerned that she would never look at me the same way again or some nonsense like that. Of course my fear was completley unfounded, as I was raised in a very liberal household in which she promoted acceptance for all groups.

It hasn't really come up with friends (although like many, I've hinted), mostly because I've never had a girlfriend. When I do find someone, though, I imagine it will become obvious. I won't make any efforts to hide her in my proverbial closet, anyway.
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:01 AM   #4
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It wasn't hard for me to tell my parents, as they'd both made it very clear that they'd accept anyone I dated if that person loved and respected me. It never really pops up in everyday conversation but I'm open about my preference.

Not so much the hardest person to tell but definitely my most most awkward FA moment was back in middle school hanging out at a friends house. We were on his computer goofing off with Powerpoint and I thought it'd be brilliant to have two straight pages of "FUCK" all caps. So I ctrl-v'd it and instead of FUCK pasted a link to something like feeder.co.uk. Mortified, I slammed on backspace while my friend acted like it was a product of his dad browsing "weird porn sites" and switched off the surge protector. I made an excuse to leave and ran the half mile home having a mini-breakdown. After about two weeks of trying my best to avoid him I was browsing some weight gain fiction libraries when I spotted his screenname listed as the author of two of the latest additions to a site.

...Dad on "weird porn sites" my ass.
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:17 AM   #5
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Oddly enough, not so much my parents or any of my friends.

The hardest person to tell was this girl I was dating. It was pretty serious, well, as serious as I had been in at the time. It was when I was still coming to terms with how hardcore my FAness truly was.

I just couldn't get into her physically because she was thin. Basically, I've never had to do it again and I never will, but yeah, I had to end it because I felt I could never give her the physical attention she deserved. It was a terrible experience.
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:28 AM   #6
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For me, it was definitely my wife that was hardest to tell (well, back when I was telling her, she was just my girlfriend). Then again, she is the only one that Iíve ever really told as such, as Iím generally of the belief that ďshow >> tell.Ē Anyone else, eh, they saw me dating her as she got heavier, and me being as affectionate as ever or more so, and never being bothered by her weight or her eating, etc, and they could pretty much come to their own conclusions. (Iíd not really done any dating of note before going out with her).

Telling her though, was more nerve wracking, because I didnít want to scare her off. I never made one big pronouncement, but then again back at that time I didnít have the benefit of Dimensions to give me a whole vocabulary and reference group to know what I was. So it was more a process of gradual comments, hints, encouragements, and so on. And again, show >> tell, so I always considered it more important to show that I loved her at each new size (buying her new clothes, taking her out and instigating public shows of affection, paying lots of attention to all parts of her body, etc)If I knew then what I know now, I might have done things differently, but isnít that always the case?
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:28 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by BothGunsBlazing View Post
Oddly enough, not so much my parents or any of my friends.

The hardest person to tell was this girl I was dating. It was pretty serious, well, as serious as I had been in at the time. It was when I was still coming to terms with how hardcore my FAness truly was.

I just couldn't get into her physically because she was thin. Basically, I've never had to do it again and I never will, but yeah, I had to end it because I felt I could never give her the physical attention she deserved. It was a terrible experience.
I understand this..its awful! Also, weirdly enough, i think it can be the hardest to actually tell fat people you are dating that you are an Fa. Well for me anyway.. I sort of have to build up to it..like mention lots of fat famous people i like, then make wee comments like 'oh i never fancy skinny people'.. then i force them to whore their arses in dimensions! In all seriousness though..i think fat people are the hardest to tell because i have had some pretty shocking responses from fat people in the past.
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Old 04-07-2009, 09:54 AM   #8
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For me, it was never really an issue with parents. Mum knew (good old internet history) since I was like 13, and I've been totally open since about 16. Shown her pics, dims and all that good stuff. Same with close friends. I was more nervous and less open around my Dad, who knew I liked big girls, but had a pretty different definition of it than me. I was shocked at how much of a non issue it turned out to be.

Hardest for me is when it comes up around people I don't know. When meeting a friend of a friend, for example, as often as someone will say 'Oh, you're the guy who's into films' or something, I'll get 'Oh, you're the guy who's into fat girls'. At a recent engagement party, a group of my friends parents gathered round all curious and interrogated me. Now, I don't play it down, but it kind of bugs me that it comes up so often as something that defines me. Kind of reminds me I'm outside the norm in that respect.
Extended family gatherings can be awkward as well. Last Christmas I was at a big family do with the aunts, uncles and cousins, and the topic of my holidays to America, and, of course, eventually the BBW bashes I attended came up. My nine year old cousin was, in a very sweet and innocent way, fascinated by the whole thing. She also loved the sound of the term 'Chubby Chaser' and repeated it in song for about three hours after she heard my Dad say it (I never use the term FA or anything to describe myself to people outside the community, it's a bit subculture-y). When enough alcohol had been consumed, it was time for karaoke. Painful at the best of times, when I stumbled up to the mic, none other than Sir Mixalots I Like Big Butts was cued up. Sometimes it's kinda like 'Ok, we have established that Ben likes fat girls. Can we please move on to charades?'

So for me, the less I know someone, the more awkward it tends to be.
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Old 04-07-2009, 10:06 AM   #9
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I never gave a flying funaki about what other people thought, simply because I like what I like. There have been a few skinny girls I have liked, and if one found me interesting or attractive, I would not close the door on the possibility of a relationship....I just happend to prefer big chicks. So, to me, there was never a "coming out"......I never cared what anyone else thought about the size of the girls I have dated. But, for those of you whose family or friends have been unreceptive or cruel or whatever-they will never know what it's like to be with a BBW or to be made love to by her. Feel sorry for them, if you can
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Old 04-07-2009, 10:53 AM   #10
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To echo a few others, the hardest people to tell were the guys I dated. Usually because a lot of them were only sort of fat...a lot of 280 lb guys who still seem to think that they're 200 lb. So they were definitely hot and I was attracted, but if I say WHY I'm attracted they will get offended. This goes double for guys who were gaining (unintentionally).
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:46 AM   #11
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...Dad on "weird porn sites" my ass.
cool story bro but mine's worse

it was .. i wanna say 7th or 8th grade. i'm using the family computer (back in my day families had only one computer) to write a paper. i did have my own partition though, so i could somewhat get away with keeping some contraband (read: fat porn) on there. though i was still paranoid and usually deleted anything i downloaded pretty much immediately (not because i was afraid of being "found out," i think my parents have always at least kind of known, more because when you're a kid you never want your parents to find your stash).

so this paper is dragging ass and i'm alone in the office room so i decide to peep some stuff out. i'm in the midst of downloading a movie clip (a paysite preview clip or something, if memory serves) when my mother bursts into the room unexpectedly and starts chatting me up. an emergency window closing burst and switch back over to microsoft word and i think everything is cool. that's when she decides to read part of my paper. imagine this; she's leaning in close to the screen, reading the last paragraph ..... when the video, for some horrible, horrible reason, opens and starts to play.

i don't know how this happened, i still really don't to this day, but it somehow got set to autoplay.

my whole body goes numb and cold. my mother is staring directly at a naked fat chick (who many of you probably know of but who's name i shall withhold) gyrating around on the screen. for the longest 5 seconds of my life i'm absolutely pinned to my chair, frozen while my brain is exploding in my head.

finally i managed to yelp out a couple of unintelligible words and force a laugh out like "HEY WHOA HAHA WHAT IS THAT" while i'm slamming ctrl-w on the keyboard about thirty times.

i told her it must have been "some kind of online porn ad or something" because i had been "browsing around." she goes to ask my stepdad about it. i do my best to convince them both of my incredibly unbelievable story then just avoid them for the rest of the day, still racked with nervousness.

anyway that will always stick with me. i can laugh now, but damn.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:00 PM   #12
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I got a pretty rough parental ride with my aesthetic being labeled a mental illness at a relatively early age... Over the years, change has been slow and attritional and I've often wondered if I've done more harm than good to those around me by continuing to fight my parents, crow-barring information in against their will? The romantic choice is to ditch one's family for the sake of love in such situations but its not always that simple to give up on trying to 'broaden' the world view of one's family... as well as parents they are potential future parents in law or grandparents and I think most would want to try and find a balance there? Its difficult for some FAs (and perhaps its a whole other thread?)

The toughest people to come out to were my college friends (age 16-18). Peer pressure and concerns over peer judgement are such a huge factor to most teens. I was not very different. In the end though, I only lost one friend to the 'grossed out' factor and the majority of the rest of the people I was friends with either a) already guessed it or b) didn't care.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:52 PM   #13
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cool story bro but mine's worse

it was .. i wanna say 7th or 8th grade. i'm using the family computer (back in my day families had only one computer) to write a paper. i did have my own partition though, so i could somewhat get away with keeping some contraband (read: fat porn) on there. though i was still paranoid and usually deleted anything i downloaded pretty much immediately (not because i was afraid of being "found out," i think my parents have always at least kind of known, more because when you're a kid you never want your parents to find your stash).

so this paper is dragging ass and i'm alone in the office room so i decide to peep some stuff out. i'm in the midst of downloading a movie clip (a paysite preview clip or something, if memory serves) when my mother bursts into the room unexpectedly and starts chatting me up. an emergency window closing burst and switch back over to microsoft word and i think everything is cool. that's when she decides to read part of my paper. imagine this; she's leaning in close to the screen, reading the last paragraph ..... when the video, for some horrible, horrible reason, opens and starts to play.

i don't know how this happened, i still really don't to this day, but it somehow got set to autoplay.

my whole body goes numb and cold. my mother is staring directly at a naked fat chick (who many of you probably know of but who's name i shall withhold) gyrating around on the screen. for the longest 5 seconds of my life i'm absolutely pinned to my chair, frozen while my brain is exploding in my head.

finally i managed to yelp out a couple of unintelligible words and force a laugh out like "HEY WHOA HAHA WHAT IS THAT" while i'm slamming ctrl-w on the keyboard about thirty times.

i told her it must have been "some kind of online porn ad or something" because i had been "browsing around." she goes to ask my stepdad about it. i do my best to convince them both of my incredibly unbelievable story then just avoid them for the rest of the day, still racked with nervousness.

anyway that will always stick with me. i can laugh now, but damn.
i laughed so hard but i may be able to top this. similar setup, i'd have to sneak downstairs to family computer every night to see fatporn and delete the evidence, except i did have a tiny stash (hidden folder suckas, who's your bill gates). except one night i must've hit "set as desktop background" instead of "save picture as"...
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:53 PM   #14
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Very interesting responses thus far. It would not have occurred to me that a fat person would have trouble hearing her partner was a FA, but once I thought about it, I realized that I would have had that very same reaction many years ago. So it probably has a lot to do with where the partner is in terms of accepting his/her fatness, etc.

For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:56 PM   #15
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I never told anyone. I just was incredibly shy. But someone found me (to start things off.) I believe she noticed that I was noticing her and then she pretty much initiated things. We met each other in our workplace. I found a job as a dishwasher and she was a server. Her name was Cheri.

My Mom, nor my sis, nor anyone really said anything to me about her weight. This was my first relationship. And it was nice while it lasted.

I was never weirded about this nor was anybody else. My friends were cool and respectful.

So, I just let things happen. I didn't bother telling anyone beforehand or worrying about stuff. I was 18 at the time, I believe.
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:11 PM   #16
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Carrie;

While I never told my parents per se, I had more resistance from my Mom (it was only really one discussion with a hint that I could do better, but in my family that counts as thundering disaproval).

I think another part of the the reason that it is more often Mom that is the bigger issue is that in general/on average I think women are more apt to think of 'success' in social terms than are men. To really over-work the stereotype, Dad worries if it will affect your career, Mom worries what your neigbors think, what her friends will think, and what her grandchildren's school teachers will think. Obviously those would not be the only reason (I agree with what you said too, I'm sure there may be more factors as well), but I think it may be part of it.
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:33 PM   #17
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Carrie;

While I never told my parents per se, I had more resistance from my Mom (it was only really one discussion with a hint that I could do better, but in my family that counts as thundering disaproval).

I think another part of the the reason that it is more often Mom that is the bigger issue is that in general/on average I think women are more apt to think of 'success' in social terms than are men. To really over-work the stereotype, Dad worries if it will affect your career, Mom worries what your neigbors think, what her friends will think, and what her grandchildren's school teachers will think. Obviously those would not be the only reason (I agree with what you said too, I'm sure there may be more factors as well), but I think it may be part of it.
That's an excellent point, Ed; I hadn't considered that. I'm also wondering if some parental objections stem from concern about potential life difficulties their child may face, e.g. the concern a parent may have when their homosexual child comes out. I don't know, just kind of wondering aloud here.
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:41 PM   #18
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i laughed so hard but i may be able to top this. similar setup, i'd have to sneak downstairs to family computer every night to see fatporn and delete the evidence, except i did have a tiny stash (hidden folder suckas, who's your bill gates). except one night i must've hit "set as desktop background" instead of "save picture as"...
Mom, Dad and Sister: Okay, we're headed to the airport to go to Florida, see you in a week!

Me: Have a safe trip family! *makes sure the car is down the street* And now to draw the shades and have as much fun on the internet a 14 year old boy can. Fat girls are so rad that I should make a hot photo my background for the next week... right click and we're rolling. This is what being an adult is going to be like.

*one week later, parents have just called from the airport*

Me:And now to change the desktop background back to the default Win98 settings, shut down the computer and act natural.

*Fat porn background pops back up on start up and shut down and WON'T FUCKING GO AWAY*
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:50 PM   #19
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Mom, Dad and Sister: Okay, we're headed to the airport to go to Florida, see you in a week!

Me: Have a safe trip family! *makes sure the car is down the street* And now to draw the shades and have as much fun on the internet a 14 year old boy can. Fat girls are so rad that I should make a hot photo my background for the next week... right click and we're rolling. This is what being an adult is going to be like.

*one week later, parents have just called from the airport*

Me:And now to change the desktop background back to the default Win98 settings, shut down the computer and act natural.

*Fat porn background pops back up on start up and shut down and WON'T FUCKING GO AWAY*
well like, why would you change the background on purpose?
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:51 PM   #20
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I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream

SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!

All the while I'd have my hands gripped into the side of the armrests so tight I could probably rip them off and I'd dig the heels of my feet into the ground so hard that she'd literally have to kill me to move me from this position and hit that monitor back on.

I was really really sketchy.

oh and I didn't have Firefox back in the day, so no tabbed windows, so nothing like trying to rapidly close Internet Explorer windows and have it say NOT RESPONDING while you click furiously on the x. CLOSE GODDAMN YOU, CLOSE!!!
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:54 PM   #21
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well like, why would you change the background on purpose?
Because I thought turning on the computer and having a fat ass in my face was the coolest most adult thing ever.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:00 PM   #22
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Flat out telling people hasn't been too hard to me, with the exception of some of my friends and girlfriends.

I had some uncomfortable situations happen to me. Oddly enough, I went through a similar situation on my computer as Dan and Furious when I was in 7th grade as well. My friends found out, and then my parents found out on two separate occasions, and while I did convert my friend, my dad was really pissed, didn't understand, and thought it was just a phase I was going through.

The type of content I went after changed drastically over time (More softcore), but I got caught several more times over another year and a half. Once I was on vacation in another part of Japan, he flat out asks me "Why?" All I could say at the time was "Because I do," and it's fair to say I still didn't quite understand it at that age. That's all I knew to say.

My friends and potential girlfriends over the years didn't lay it on me much harder, it's just that most of the time they wanted reasons on the fly, which depending on where I am and so forth, I may or may not have been able to answer as readily as they wanted. So still no biggie, but I got the "What?Why?How?" in twenty seconds, and not one and a half years.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:10 PM   #23
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Because I thought turning on the computer and having a fat ass in my face was the coolest most adult thing ever.
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while I did convert my friend
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:13 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by BothGunsBlazing View Post
I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream

SO, HOW'RE YOU TODAY LATELY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER? I AM REALLY BUSY. I'M REALLY DEALING WITH SOME STUFF LATELY. THIS IS IMPORTANT. CAN I JUST HAVE A FEW MINUTES AND I'M LOGGING OFF. OH MY GOD, IF YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES I WILL LOG OFF!!!!!

All the while I'd have my hands gripped into the side of the armrests so tight I could probably rip them off and I'd dig the heels of my feet into the ground so hard that she'd literally have to kill me to move me from this position and hit that monitor back on.

I was really really sketchy.

oh and I didn't have Firefox back in the day, so no tabbed windows, so nothing like trying to rapidly close Internet Explorer windows and have it say NOT RESPONDING while you click furiously on the x. CLOSE GODDAMN YOU, CLOSE!!!
Sucks man. I can relate.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:14 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Wild Zero View Post
Mom, Dad and Sister: Okay, we're headed to the airport to go to Florida, see you in a week!

Me: Have a safe trip family! *makes sure the car is down the street* And now to draw the shades and have as much fun on the internet a 14 year old boy can. Fat girls are so rad that I should make a hot photo my background for the next week... right click and we're rolling. This is what being an adult is going to be like.

*one week later, parents have just called from the airport*

Me:And now to change the desktop background back to the default Win98 settings, shut down the computer and act natural.

*Fat porn background pops back up on start up and shut down and WON'T FUCKING GO AWAY*
This is odd. Something EXACTLY like that happened to me once. Crazy! Probably back when the internet was fairly new I had a desktop picture that would not go away. ACK!
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