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Old 04-17-2009, 02:27 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by rollhandler View Post
I agree that the potential datee is usually the one that is either the hardest to tell or that needs told in the first place. Everyone else in my world knows already that I love fat girls. They know and its not really an issue most of the time.

Its awkward though in meeting a potential date who is looking at the situation through suspicious eyes and past experiences to let her know that you are actually honestly interested in her because she IS fat AND sexy and not for some other less gentlemanly reason.

Many have never heard the term FA and have no clue what it means to have found one. It is very awkward to not only find a way to say it but to have to in the first place. And, how do you say it without sounding creepy?
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yeah, totally..i do find the term 'fa' a bit creepy, especially when you are trying to explain it to someone who has never heard of the concept before. I find just saying 'i love big women' or 'i prefer curves' or whatever a bit less shallow, objectifying and creepy sounding.
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Old 04-17-2009, 03:01 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
yeah, totally..i do find the term 'fa' a bit creepy, especially when you are trying to explain it to someone who has never heard of the concept before. I find just saying 'i love big women' or 'i prefer curves' or whatever a bit less shallow, objectifying and creepy sounding.
Yeah, thats about the extent of it. I am thankful that the topic has ever come up in my dating life only once.
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Old 04-17-2009, 05:24 PM   #53
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I don't really understand the concept of "having" to tell anyone, esp. one's parents. I guess I've always dated bigger girls, kind of starting with girls w/ big boobs in middle school, chubbies in high school, 200 college, 250-300 now, etc. I mean, they're not mentally retarded, so I assume they've figured it out, but why would we need to discuss it?
this.
i know i'm sounding like a bit of a broken record, but some things are only big deals if you make them a big deal.
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Old 04-18-2009, 12:30 PM   #54
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I live with my boyfriend in his parents' house.

His mother is a doctor, a psychiatrist. Sometimes she bugs us to lose weight, especially my bf (not so much me anymore, I think she gave up). She knows we both like each other the way we are and don't really want to change, but I don't think she knows the extent of it as far as the attraction goes. Sometimes I really wish I could come clean about the whole thing, but I don't know how she'd react. I don't want to make things awkward. :/
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Old 07-07-2009, 11:37 AM   #55
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my best friend/ mentor for years is a really big guy, and it was hard for me to tell him-- which i did about two years ago-- because it was sort of implicitly saying i found him attractive. which, at the time, was kind of throwing a weird wrench into our completely platonic relationship. when i told him-- or sort-of told him, by complaining that my boyfriend was going on a diet-- i actually wasn't attracted to him (consciously, anyway) because i thought of him more as a father figure. and then, a year and a half later, we had awesome awesome sex. so there.
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Old 07-07-2009, 12:16 PM   #56
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this.
i know i'm sounding like a bit of a broken record, but some things are only big deals if you make them a big deal.
Or if other people make them a big deal.
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Old 07-08-2009, 10:04 PM   #57
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Never had the discussion with friends, acquaintences, coworkers, or family.
They never asked. But surely family and others can surmise from who I have chosen to be with and how affectionate I am with her. I would level with family (I have a great family; lucky) if they asked.

I of course leveled with the women I've been with. Letting them know that was a little awkward but if that was a fatal flaw, I needed to know. Needless to say it went over much better in 2nd marriage. She's perfectly OK with my preference but would like to lose weight anyway and since I wouldn't gain weight to please someone else I can't object. I'm determined to find her attractive regardless of weight (not that it would be difficult).

If anyone actually said someting about my wife's weight, I would say "she's just fine the way she is". If they were intrusive enough to ask me if I were a FA, I would say "my sexual preferences are not for public consumption". I just don't think it is the business of anyone who is not a close friend or family member.
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Old 07-08-2009, 11:46 PM   #58
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Like others, I never really had a specific discussion about my preference with my parents that I can remember. The girls I dated made my preference pretty obvious. My dad was relatively laissez faire about it. My mom confronted me once or twice about my liking fat girls but it didn't particularly bother me to cross her, because by then I'd learned how to deal with her finely honed Germanic passive aggressive ways and I actually enjoyed annoying her if necessary.

The hardest people for me to tell were the girls themselves. I had a couple of negative reactions to telling my dates that I found them attractive even though they were fat, so I was never sure about the reaction I would get from them. This was back in the late '70s and early '80s when fat acceptance was a completely unknown concept for the most part...
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Old 07-09-2009, 02:09 AM   #59
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I had many days when my mother would walk into the room and I'd be looking at pictures of fat chicks .. I'd immediately shut the monitor off and spin around 100 miles and hour and scream
Haha... I've had some close calls with family and roommates but that was probably a decade ago.

once I went to the bathroom and my mom came in my bedroom to give me a sandwich or something. she almost assuredly saw the 300 lb black woman on my monitor. my family's not racist at all but I think it was a far cry from the jewish girl she had envisioned. anyway we never spoke about it.

i don't have a problem telling people, but it's my sister who seems to give the most resistance to acceptance. she's a nurse who works really hard to stay thin. she was a little plump in high school and i know that was very hard on her. i actually used to tease her... ugh...

she just keeps telling me how she can't understand and how it's so unhealthy. i just don't like to talk about it with her anymore... not that we ever talked much about it.
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Old 07-09-2009, 09:51 PM   #60
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One of my friends was on my computer one time during my early teens, and he thought it would be fun to go on Google and type in each letter of the alphabet one after the other. So he'd type "a" and everything I had searched for beginning with "a" would drop down etc. Needless to say, once he reached "n", one of the first things that came up was "naked fat girls". We didn't talk about it but he didn't seem to care.

A similiar situation happened with a different friend, he was on my PC while I played my PS2. After he left I sat down at the PC, and the desktop background had been changed to a picture from my hidden folder. He never actually said anything about it so I assumed he didn't care either.

If your friends really are your friends, then they won't care which women you prefer.
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Old 07-10-2009, 12:10 AM   #61
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Red face Well....

I dunno, I just started bringing home big girls. My first girl friend in 8th grade was about 280 lbs, and just sorta went up from there. I've dated slim women ((just to see if it was a fluke, lol, boy am I glad it wasn't ^.^)) and I know my dad loved that, but I never felt a click with them. My family was never supportive of my love for big women, besides my grandmother. But it's never stopped me from being with what I am happy with. My ex was 420 lbs, and my dad freaked out. He always complained that she would eat all the food in the house, and when our toilet broke ((Because the piping was really old)) he blamed her. Needless to say, I don't think my father will ever accept the fact that I love big women...

Lol, I still remember when he found out I was having sex with my ex, lol, he started to cry. Sheeesh, I'm going to accept my son/daughter if they are skinny lovers, fat lovers, gay, lesbian, straight, bi, or what ever else may have you. Although, I do hope, that if I have a boy, he likes big women, because I would love to have him bring home all the young chubbies ^.^ ((I know I'm gunna be an old perv, might as well have fun, lol))
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Old 07-13-2009, 02:02 PM   #62
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It's funny, almost always father is a problem.
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Old 07-13-2009, 02:03 PM   #63
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i run into this alot and i really dont get it i guess my parents and friends just dont care what kind of women i go out wioth in terms of looks as long as im happy, ive only ever gone out with bigger women and theyve never said anything :S but i guess for people who know there familys would have a problem with it would find it hard to come out as it were...good luck to all you who havent done it yet!
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Old 07-22-2009, 02:37 AM   #64
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I don't really understand the concept of "having" to tell anyone, esp. one's parents. I guess I've always dated bigger girls, kind of starting with girls w/ big boobs in middle school, chubbies in high school, 200 college, 250-300 now, etc. I mean, they're not mentally retarded, so I assume they've figured it out, but why would we need to discuss it?
Yep. This. ^^^^^

My mom once said something after seeing a couple of pictures on my laptop of guys I'd gone out with, it was just:

Mom: Oh you like fat guys.

Me: Yeah.

She actually doesn't like fat people and works hard to stay thin herself, but she really doesn't care about what her adult daughter is into.
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Old 09-02-2009, 10:10 AM   #65
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Truth be told, the hardest person I had to "tell" was myself. I had to face up to the fact that instead of finding supermodels the paragon of female pulchritude that I was attracted to women of substance. Once I came out of my own personal closet, facing other people with that knowledge was a snap.
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Old 09-03-2009, 02:01 PM   #66
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my best friend/ mentor for years is a really big guy, and it was hard for me to tell him-- which i did about two years ago-- because it was sort of implicitly saying i found him attractive. which, at the time, was kind of throwing a weird wrench into our completely platonic relationship. when i told him-- or sort-of told him, by complaining that my boyfriend was going on a diet-- i actually wasn't attracted to him (consciously, anyway) because i thought of him more as a father figure. and then, a year and a half later, we had awesome awesome sex. so there.
OMG, really!?? This is an awesome story - there must have been tons of seriously heavy sexual tension...I love sexual tension
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Old 09-03-2009, 05:07 PM   #67
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Very interesting responses thus far. It would not have occurred to me that a fat person would have trouble hearing her partner was a FA, but once I thought about it, I realized that I would have had that very same reaction many years ago. So it probably has a lot to do with where the partner is in terms of accepting his/her fatness, etc.

For those who've had trouble telling their parents, I'd be very interested in learning whether your mother or father reacted in a worse manner. It seems like I hear more stories about mothers being horrified by their sons' orientation, and my theory is that it's a by-product of the female tendency to obsess about weight, and to live in dire fear of becoming fat. Sort of like, "I've spent my entire life trying NOT to be fat, and my son goes out and seeks out fat girls?? Preposterous!", that kind of amazed/outraged reaction. Not to say that men don't have a similar phenomenon, but I do think the numbers are skewed more towards women.
In 1999, I told my mom one day before I went out on a date. She asked what the lady looked like and I told her. My mom freaked out. She detests fat people and she is very insecure about her weight (200-240). I was not surprised because she is not an accepting person. I didn't have to worry about telling my dad because my mom told him. I don't think he cared.

My friends don't give me any problems because of it. I'm lucky to have such an open minded group of people.

I did not know about bbws and FAs until I got onto the internet. I have not always been an FA, but I've always liked all types of women.
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Old 09-03-2009, 05:14 PM   #68
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The hardest people I have to tell are none other than the fat girls that don't like the fact they are fat.

Its easy to tell family because they support me no matter what, plus half of them on my mother's side are Italian. Its easy to tell friends because they don't care.

However, a girl that's been told for 18-20 years (or more depending on age) that being fat is a bad thing...isn't going to know how to react when I come out and say that I like how she looks.

Believe it or not, I have more trouble with the people I'm supposedly associated with than the people I talk to everyday, friends and family included.
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