The "kid in a candy store" mentality

[Victim]

Alright, just when I thought it might be a good idea to take Theresa to a bash, I see this...

[LillyBBBW]

The bashes are a bit different. They are much more social oriented because they last the weekend, people hang out, socialize, make friends, play board games, travel together, etc. The Saturday night singles disco party is where most of the drama happens, yet I was able to make lasting friends there and so fourth despite all this, the main reason I kept going. It's what you make of it.

[Haunted]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

yes they do. and it doesn't even have to be for something they actually did. true stories:

i was sitting next to a friend in the lobby at a bash. he is a really nice guy much too smart to sleep around in the community much. a girl who was hot for him called down from her room and said that he was up there with her and was trying to give the impression that something was going on.

a friend of mine thought that her ex was interested in me, but we were just kinda friends. so she had to tell me he had just gone upstairs with another girl to bed her. 3 minutes later he came back downstairs with a bottle so that we could all have a drink.

lesson: be careful. and if you are married or have a significant other don't make the mistake of coming alone.

This is exactly why i haven't gone to any of the events. whether or not the stories are true, i don't need the drama, I live just 30 minutes from the heavenly Bodies parties. and i'd love to come and meet some of the people i chat with here on dim's, But i refuse to go till Misty is here to come with me. and it's not that i think anything would happen but i know how i'd feel if she went to one of these bashes without me.

[chicken legs]

Wow..what to say about this topic

Well when i first started posting i was very foward about liking bottom heavy guys, and now that i look back, i must have sounded highly creepy...lol.

I forgot i was entering into a new social structure. I have not done that in so long I forgot what it is like to introduce myself. I lived in the same place since birth, most people either know me or at least know my last name (five older brothers and one older sister made way for me..lol), and most people know i love bhm/ssbhm. Plus i was lurking for years in the library section of this site way before the makeover and forgot I never introduced myself..hahahah.

I guess i should go over in reintroduce myself.

[The Fat Man]

Originally Posted by BothGunsBlazing

as some one who has made the mistake of trying to balance way too much flirting with way too many promises with zero promise of actual follow through, I can safely say, it's best to sit back, take it all in and think on it before trying to talk up as many women as possible.

Because believe me, women/men do talk to each other and you will get a reputation and it will suck.

Hory clap is that statement accurate. There were periods during my tenure here (wow, it really has been over a decade since I found this site) that I would get close to, chat with, even talk to on the phone then get completely gun shy and vanish back into lurker status. I flinch when I think back to that period in my life, shame doesn't begin to describe what I feel about myself in regards to those 'relationships'.

Thankfully I've grown a lot in the years since then and find myself a happily married man able to look back and use those missteps to be a better person and husband.

[rollhandler]

Originally Posted by SlackerFA

Both of these posts are very, very true.

Being an FA can make you a "late bloomer" romantically. My own experience was almost exactly like Ben's. I hardly dated at all during high school and college, not for lack of interest.

My dating experiences as an out FA in high school were as follows: I would do my best to grab the attention respectfully of the women I found attractive and be told that I'm too wierd to date.

Some of what I was told by the big girls in high school was true, FAs are a bit different. What I found out later in talking to these girls was that to date a male that thought they were attractive because the were fat girls only lent credence to the fact that they were fat and most were going thru the fat = ugly phase of their lives. Ergo I only date ugly girls and thats just creepy.
On the other hand of that is the clique aspect of high school and most of whom I admired and found attractive were trying hard to fit in with the "in" crowds or at least be aknowleged by them for a sense of normality. Since that wasn't me I got my self esteem battered severely.

High school dating was more of a humbling experience to me than anything else so in finding Dimensions I never really had the kid in the candy store experience and never really had the fortitude to try to chat up many women. I had been verbally and figuratively slapped down and shot outta the saddle enough before reaching dimchat to learn the humility and respect needed to be here in this sometimes hostile environment which i can best describe as FA Mecca.

I did however, being a social creature and very outgoing, jump right into the conversations on the chatscreen without reservation and gained a reputation there in that manner. I had no problem PMing several women to tell them how attractive I thought their picture was but only that. I watched and I learned quickly how trolls that went down the list got treated and did my best never to act in that manner.

Late bloomers? Oh yeah I can see how that happens especially to FAs.
Rollhandler

[The Orange Mage]

All up until high school, I went to a small private school. My grade had 33 kids in it from kindergarten through 8th grade. The biggest girl in the class by then end was maybe 140 lbs.

Got to high school, maybe 3 girls in the whole school of about 1400 really caught my eye in being both plus-sized and nerdy/gothy/wierdy enough, and they were all upper classmen. I eventually had a friend hook me up with a girl who was a pretty darn good match personality-wise but weighed as much as me. (125 lbs) Lasted a few months, and I ended things. Spent the next two years moping around like a dickbutt until I met my second (and current!) girlfriend who is deliciously chubby. I was very upfront about being an FA that time, but I don't think anything could have really prepared her. Lol. It's been over 3 years now.

But yeah, that's all my dating experience. I'm 22. Late bloomer indeed.

[BarbBBW]

I am soo guilty of this!! when I got on DIMS and saw all the men and women who adore BBW, I lost my mind! Honestly! Too read all the threads about the men loving all the curves of a BBW. Loving all the details on a BBW's body. Its like a natural high for me to come on here to DIMS, and get to enjoy chatting with a whole community who are BBW and FA's. Its a utopia for me! I am definately the ""kid in a candy store" when I am on DIMS or at a BASH. I do flirt , alittle too much, alot of people say. But I get that "tingling" feelin in my tummy when i meet FA's in person! Even here on DIMS, I talk to, chat with, or PM with some men and it makes me just smile, Like a BIG smile. Its the feeling of complete happiness. And i just want to smoother all the FA's with hugs and kisses for hours!! Besides other things.
But I restrain myself, for many reasons. On the other things part haha!
Anyways, getting off the subject here. Thats tat for me!

[James]

I never really went down this path but I've seen so many guys that have and it generally works out poorly for them regarding their reputations. I have advised... and I would advise... any FA to be aware of the notion that people WILL and DO talk to eachother, especially in a relatively small community such as this one! Think about that before you engage in some 'finding my fat sexuality' experimentation on another person. How are they going to feel about it? In some cases its going to be fine, if that's whats mutually agreed upon? In others its going to lead to immense disappointment and anger.

I'd venture that the 'kid in the candy store' effect is yet another outcome of the late development of most FAs who often miss out on that stage in their teenage years. Once the floodgates open in the early 20s and beyond, then for some it seems like its a rush to make up for lost time?

Its a thread for another forum but I wonder if the same effect might be true amongst BBWs upon discovery of their fat sexuality?

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by James

I never really went down this path but I've seen so many guys that have and it generally works out poorly for them regarding their reputations. I have advised... and I would advise... any FA to be aware of the notion that people WILL and DO talk to eachother, especially in a relatively small community such as this one! Think about that before you engage in some 'finding my fat sexuality' experimentation on another person. How are they going to feel about it? In some cases its going to be fine, if that's whats mutually agreed upon? In others its going to lead to immense disappointment and anger.

I'd venture that the 'kid in the candy store' effect is yet another outcome of the late development of most FAs who often miss out on that stage in their teenage years. Once the floodgates open in the early 20s and beyond, then for some it seems like its a rush to make up for lost time?

Its a thread for another forum but I wonder if the same effect might be true amongst BBWs upon discovery of their fat sexuality?

Yes, for many bbw's it is. I know it was for me. I wore the mini skirt 5 sizes too small and the backless top, I entered the wet t shirt contest, I danced topless on a table and I even experimented a little bit with a guy or two which was a BIG step for me. I'm totally liberated as far as being comfortable in my body so the naked dancing and stuff was not a stretch. Experimenting with men was a bit beyond my comfort level though. I suppose I wanted to be one of the girls and see if it would be something I liked. I didn't so that part was very short lived. The outfits and stuff were right up my alley though. Becoming a flaming fatty seems almost a rite of passage for many bbws.

[ImSoDead]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

Yes, for many bbw's it is. I know it was for me. I wore the mini skirt 5 sizes too small and the backless top, I entered the wet t shirt contest, I danced topless on a table and I even experimented a little bit with a guy or two which was a BIG step for me. I'm totally liberated as far as being comfortable in my body so the naked dancing and stuff was not a stretch. Experimenting with men was a bit beyond my comfort level though. I suppose I wanted to be one of the girls and see if it would be something I liked. I didn't so that part was very short lived. The outfits and stuff were right up my alley though. Becoming a flaming fatty seems almost a rite of passage for many bbws.

And when 'flaming fatties' and kid-in-candystore FAs get together, watch out! I have very fond memories of cruising the dance scene. But I was always careful and respectful in my relationships. I think the whole gossip and reputation comes from casual sex which I do not recommend. Dances are great for flirtation and copping a feel (and I've had my crotch grabbed almost as many times as I grabbed some asses). It helps to keep your perspective.

Having said that I also think that an FA would do well to check out the dance scene before getting into a serious relationship with a SSBBW. FAs like everyone else needs to practice dating before getting serious. Others did that in High School and College whereas most FAs have to wait until they can find the scene as an adult.

YMMV.

[mergirl]

I never got to be a kid in a Candy store with bbw's cause whenever i actually talked to a hot bbw i garbled a lot of pish and they would think i was retarded. I'm serious! Anyway..Now i have one beautiful bbw girlfriend and i feel like a kid in a 'sweet shop' every day anyway! *Hoping she reads this and my points go up *

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by ImSoDead

And when 'flaming fatties' and kid-in-candystore FAs get together, watch out! I have very fond memories of cruising the dance scene. But I was always careful and respectful in my relationships. I think the whole gossip and reputation comes from casual sex which I do not recommend. Dances are great for flirtation and copping a feel (and I've had my crotch grabbed almost as many times as I grabbed some asses). It helps to keep your perspective.

Having said that I also think that an FA would do well to check out the dance scene before getting into a serious relationship with a SSBBW. FAs like everyone else needs to practice dating before getting serious. Others did that in High School and College whereas most FAs have to wait until they can find the scene as an adult.

YMMV.

This is very true. I always chuckle at all the handwringing people do over the drama that happens at the bbw parties ozmg! lol There's nothing unique about this social scene or Molly Ringwald would have never had a career. All of these dynamics add up to be an important part of most people's social developement and at these dances everyone is making up for lost time. I dont' see anything wrong with that, mistakes and all. As strange as it was it was also very exciting, liberating, education and enriching for me. I've made life long friends and was able to trace out things about myself that I kinda sorta knew already.

And thank goodness for the crummy guys who do go to these things, you all ROCK too! Now when my skinny friends say, "Omg, men are such jerks!" I can now join in, "Right?!? Like the time I met this sleazebag from Stoughton......" instead of just sitting there thinking, "boo hoo, I wish her shitty guys would talk to me." I'm no longer an idiot. Thank you.

[Tau]

I want to go to a bash sooooo badly! I want to be a total slut bag, wear next to no clothing, indiscriminately make out with whoever I want to, get drunk and high, have tons of sex, cry and bitch about people who upset me and then go home well satisfied LOL! I love to party, and still party plenty hard, but being the fat girl in a 'thin' setting - even when I'm dancing on tables and groping random hot boys - I'm always slightly on the defensive, just waiting for any fat hating creeps to make a wrong move or say the wrong thing. And even though the fat gatherings obviously have their drawbacks, it must be pure heaven to party in a place where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you aren't the only one who thinks you're hot

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by Tau

I want to go to a bash sooooo badly! I want to be a total slut bag, wear next to no clothing, indiscriminately make out with whoever I want to, get drunk and high, have tons of sex, cry and bitch about people who upset me and then go home well satisfied LOL! I love to party, and still party plenty hard, but being the fat girl in a 'thin' setting - even when I'm dancing on tables and groping random hot boys - I'm always slightly on the defensive, just waiting for any fat hating creeps to make a wrong move or say the wrong thing. And even though the fat gatherings obviously have their drawbacks, it must be pure heaven to party in a place where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you aren't the only one who thinks you're hot

Don't let THIS^^ happen to YOU. Stay as far away from bash life as possible. I was once like you. Sweet, innocent, beguiled by the lure of popularity, booze and common ground. That all changed when I discovered I too could be a gin soaked whore at a party where I was the sought after ideal. Awful.... TERRIBLE things happen when placed in an uncontrolled environment where dangers lurk in unseemly places. Flee! Save yourself! Before it's too late.

[exile in thighville]

my plan was to destroy my reputation as quickly as possible and boom no expectations

worked

[LillyBBBW]

I have a question for the FAs here. I've been staring at this screen here trying to figure out the best way to word it so I get my meaning across. I recall when I was in my late teens and early 20s I was pretty much out of the loop with the whole dating scene. Everybody was running back and fourth, who was sleeping with who, who hooked up, who got drunk, etc. Being able to observe all of this in such a detached manner I was able to form opinions on this behavior and decide what I disliked and what I felt was downright silly. Then when I entered in to the bbw scene I myself, as I'm sure many other bbws also, developed that "kid in a candy store" mentality also. Maybe not so much sexually but just in the liberty of being able to wear that cute low cut dress and be the belle of the ball in an environment where I knew it was going to be appreciated.

The downside of this is that it wasn't appreciated by everybody. There were women there who saw me as trashy or loose when I truly wasn't. I found myself being branded with a brush that I myself had used in the past. For me it seemed a bit more difficult to swallow because I felt it didn't really tell the whole story of me and who I am, if that makes any sense. Yeah so ok, clearly its a part of me or I wouldn't do it but it seemed just so inappropriate for me as compared to all the other trashy hoes I'd branded in the past. Afterall, *I* wasn't really a trashy hoe. I just play one on television and was giddy with the knowledge that I too could be a bad Bond girl at least for a moment.

It's been an eye opener for me to imagine that maybe some FAs experience something similar? I just never thought that far in to it. I wonder how much of this transferrence plays into an FAs mentality when they find themselves thrust into the arena of the bbw follies? An FA friend of mine is so anxious about what people will say about him that he can't seem to get out of his own way at times. Do you find yourself mortified at the thought of being viewed through the same looking glass as that guy you knew that everyone talked about knowing that it's not really what you're about?

[BBWTexan]

Originally Posted by James

Its a thread for another forum but I wonder if the same effect might be true amongst BBWs upon discovery of their fat sexuality?

Yes, a thread for another forum.

Yes, true.

[LillyBBBW]

Originally Posted by BBWTexan

Yes, a thread for another forum.

Yes, true.

Ahh see? Now I feel bad for posting this here. There might be things in what I said that other women might want to comment about or expound upon but would be inappropriate here in this forum. I could post something in the fat sexuality forum but I'm not sure this has anything to do with sexuality.

I may use that forum anyway. Lemme think about it a minute or so. Otherwise, my apologies if my posts here are itchy.

[rollhandler]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

I have a question for the FAs here. I've been staring at this screen here trying to figure out the best way to word it so I get my meaning across. I recall when I was in my late teens and early 20s I was pretty much out of the loop with the whole dating scene. Everybody was running back and fourth, who was sleeping with who, who hooked up, who got drunk, etc. Being able to observe all of this in such a detached manner I was able to form opinions on this behavior and decide what I disliked and what I felt was downright silly. Then when I entered in to the bbw scene I myself, as I'm sure many other bbws also, developed that "kid in a candy store" mentality also. Maybe not so much sexually but just in the liberty of being able to wear that cute low cut dress and be the belle of the ball in an environment where I knew it was going to be appreciated.

The downside of this is that it wasn't appreciated by everybody. There were women there who saw me as trashy or loose when I truly wasn't. I found myself being branded with a brush that I myself had used in the past. For me it seemed a bit more difficult to swallow because I felt it didn't really tell the whole story of me and who I am, if that makes any sense. Yeah so ok, clearly its a part of me or I wouldn't do it but it seemed just so inappropriate for me as compared to all the other trashy hoes I'd branded in the past. Afterall, *I* wasn't really a trashy hoe. I just play one on television and was giddy with the knowledge that I too could be a bad Bond girl at least for a moment.

It's been an eye opener for me to imagine that maybe some FAs experience something similar? I just never thought that far in to it. I wonder how much of this transferrence plays into an FAs mentality when they find themselves thrust into the arena of the bbw follies? An FA friend of mine is so anxious about what people will say about him that he can't seem to get out of his own way at times. Do you find yourself mortified at the thought of being viewed through the same looking glass as that guy you knew that everyone talked about knowing that it's not really what you're about?

I would either turn into a wallflower at a bash or a babbling idiot myself. Both of which are totally not me but given the nature of the bashes and my anxiety levels of social events with large numbers of people it takes a length of time to acclimate. This is intensified when there are a large number of attractive women involved. What makes this worse is that Ive never met these women, but through the boards they know a lot of things about me, and have already formed an idea of who they think I am, while I know nothing about them.
I can truly see how going to a bash would be nerve wracking. I can also see that in a first time bash senario there can be wrong first impressions all around, some quite embarrasing and many mistakes made.
Rollhandler

[CCC]

Originally Posted by rollhandler

What makes this worse is that Ive never met these women, but through the boards they know a lot of things about me, and have already formed an idea of who they think I am, while I know nothing about them.

Why not try chatting beforehand? You know, like an even exchange of personal information. That's what I've been trying anyway.

But maybe I'm just falling into precisely the predicament detailed in this thread! Oh dear...

[superodalisque]

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

I have a question for the FAs here. I've been staring at this screen here trying to figure out the best way to word it so I get my meaning across. I recall when I was in my late teens and early 20s I was pretty much out of the loop with the whole dating scene. Everybody was running back and fourth, who was sleeping with who, who hooked up, who got drunk, etc. Being able to observe all of this in such a detached manner I was able to form opinions on this behavior and decide what I disliked and what I felt was downright silly. Then when I entered in to the bbw scene I myself, as I'm sure many other bbws also, developed that "kid in a candy store" mentality also. Maybe not so much sexually but just in the liberty of being able to wear that cute low cut dress and be the belle of the ball in an environment where I knew it was going to be appreciated.

The downside of this is that it wasn't appreciated by everybody. There were women there who saw me as trashy or loose when I truly wasn't. I found myself being branded with a brush that I myself had used in the past. For me it seemed a bit more difficult to swallow because I felt it didn't really tell the whole story of me and who I am, if that makes any sense. Yeah so ok, clearly its a part of me or I wouldn't do it but it seemed just so inappropriate for me as compared to all the other trashy hoes I'd branded in the past. Afterall, *I* wasn't really a trashy hoe. I just play one on television and was giddy with the knowledge that I too could be a bad Bond girl at least for a moment.

It's been an eye opener for me to imagine that maybe some FAs experience something similar? I just never thought that far in to it. I wonder how much of this transferrence plays into an FAs mentality when they find themselves thrust into the arena of the bbw follies? An FA friend of mine is so anxious about what people will say about him that he can't seem to get out of his own way at times. Do you find yourself mortified at the thought of being viewed through the same looking glass as that guy you knew that everyone talked about knowing that it's not really what you're about?

i agree with that 100%. thats why i'm pretty empathetic to the stuff FAs go through in that way and why i understand even when i complain. add into the mix that the people that really float your boat are relatively rare if your an FA, particularly if you prefer SSBBWs. they are people you don't often get to see socially. if you happen upon one on your own somewhere your often not taken seriously. and even when you do they aren't always your type or very self aware. i mean if i was put into a situations where there were tons of people within my preference all in one place...i wouldn't know where to go first either. thats why i encourage FAs who approach me to slooooowww dowwwwn and think about what they really want. its probably a good idea to be friends first. it might not be fair but a lot of FAs have what i call a half life. generally they've had the dating experiences of someone half thier age. and i don't mean that in a way to call them immature. its just truly the level of experiences many have had. and there are some experiences they never ever get to have at all.

its good to know things are getting better now because of places like dims where young FAs can get some of the earlier experiences before its late in the game. i feel bad that sometimes i expect FAs to act exactly like thier counterparts who are not. you expect them to "grow up" (not meant negatively) a whole lot faster than they should necessarily. its almost like forcing a 17 yr old into marriage to expect people without experiences to know their mind exactly and dedicate themselves to you fully even when they want to. at some point its just plain unfair. i know a lot of BBWs disagree. they say" well what about me? i haven't been able to have a lot of experiences either." they are exactly right. and thats why they should also have the time to do what you, me and other BBWs have done and will do--which is experiment. i think the key for FAs and BBWs is to just to be as honest as you can about where you are. then the person you are with won't be taken by surprise. its not the fact that an inexperienced person is going to look around thats the problem to most BBWs i think. they just don't want to get in too deep with someone in that place and get hurt.

[rollhandler]

Originally Posted by CCC

Why not try chatting beforehand? You know, like an even exchange of personal information. That's what I've been trying anyway.

But maybe I'm just falling into precisely the predicament detailed in this thread! Oh dear...

First you need to know who is viewing your material, then you need to have them want to get in touch with you, then you need to have the time to chat with them on an individual basis or even want to do so one on one or in a chatroom. They have to want to get to know you beyond your post, find out how to get in touch with you, have time to do so, etc.

On your end if you are viewing someone elses material do you want to have that many names on your chat list and try to make time for them or not. can you humanly do this on an ongoing basis. etc.

There are a number of board readers that frequent chat, some that merely lurk on one or the other and some that are only on the boards and some that are only chat. the logistics of what you mention are only possible on an insanely limited level if you think about it.

In chat I feel comforable with myself and with the chatters but for some reason I feel exposed in situations such as these where some know me through my works and some through my words, and not only do I not know who they are by their faces, but which of these people like me for my works and words and which ones would I be best to avoid.

How interesting it would be to see a really hot woman, wander over and introduce yourself to her for the first time and have her face turn to an expression of disgust as It registers to her that you were the guy who said, (fill in the blank) and totally offended her in a no turning back no explainations will be accepted kinda way.
I realize that this probably not going to happen, I also know my luck.
I will therefore worry until it simply doesnt happen and I get past the irrational fear and acclimate to the environment of the party.
Until then I will be a nervous wreck.
Rollhandler

[LillyBBBW]

You will find that your presence on the board makes a much deeper impression than you anticipate. If you have a picture up somebody, possibly everybody will recognize you. People are so hung up on having everyone feel welcome at the events that we look for newcomers we recognize. While some are as shy as you are and will only look at you and smile others are not so inhibited. While you are still standing at the counter checking in to the hotel a voice in the distance will say, "Hey! Is that [Rollhandler/CCC]?" You turn around at hearing your name called and there's SoVerySoft, Nancygirl, Blackjack and another woman you don't recognize reclining in chairs in the lobby. They say, "Hey, how was the drive up? Glad you could make it, bla bla bla...." and your cherry is pretty much broken. You needn't go around handing out business cards on the board. It might surprise you to know that many people are looking forward to meeting you though they don't make a public declaration on the board.

[mergirl]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

i think the key for FAs and BBWs is to just to be as honest as you can about where you are. then the person you are with won't be taken by surprise. its not the fact that an inexperienced person is going to look around thats the problem to most BBWs i think. they just don't want to get in too deep with someone in that place and get hurt.

I think Fa's are just as likely to get hurt by fat people who have the same 'kid in a candy store' mentality. I think new to the scene fat people and Fa's are more simmilar than they realise. For some, to be in a room where they are more desired by more people than they have been must be pretty exciting just as being in a room filled with more people that you are more attracted to must feel. I guess it must be a pretty potant experience for Fa's and Fat people alike..i can everyone would act like a bunch of slags! I think its normal. Aye, though..i think honesty is best..maby there should be a 'new to the scene and mental' room.
Ive never been to a fat party..not ever But have lived vicariously through my friend for the last 8 years! She does enough fat partying for us both!