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Old 05-20-2009, 09:57 AM   #51
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48? There is nothing worse than a F.A.W.D! (Fa when drunk). If the only way you can get up the courage to be yourself is by getting drunk only to never see the person you have been luvin once you sober up you are a disgrace to humanity!
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Old 05-20-2009, 11:00 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by edx View Post
45.5 Don't get too worried about numbers

Mostly I'm teasing, but it is one of those things FAs do often take too far in a different context.
wow! I'm voiceless in front of this, I didn't see it happened .
I'm glad about this thread because I'm learning even if I thought I had some base in the way to be a gentleman. So here is the number 49 (sorry I like to be exact in what I'm saying ):

49. Don't be ashamed to be given sometimes a lesson about the way you act. Takning the advice means that you respect what the other person is saying and it means that she feels valuable for you, or more that before.
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Old 05-20-2009, 02:31 PM   #53
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I thought for something for the 50th advice (yay i'm doing the 50th ),
but it is more in the form of a question to be answered.
I've seen much commentaries related to pics thread almost, cruch confessions and so on that are like "you're cute", "oh! I would like to be with you now, you're so amazing" and some I wonder about like "I would like to be your puppie" or "I so want to jump in the bed with you!". I do go see in a lot of thread to have these quotes (anonym). There is so much or these kind of comments that I am asking myself this question:

50*-When you do a comment to people, be sure of what you are really saying. But how to know surely what we are truly saying as a comment and what would be the consequences of this comment?

An exemple for those who would not understand my vague explanation: If I'm saying to a girl I want to be friendly with, that she's cute after she made me look to her dress and that I am adding to what I said, it puts in worth all the great curves she has (I'm doing a common exemple an FA/SA could live). For her perception, am I teasing her? am I doing a too much direct comment? am I just a jerk who only think about physical attraction? or am I making her feel confident? shy? she's liking me?

I know I'm going deep in social psychology but I want to put this interesting point.
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Old 05-20-2009, 03:18 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Slamaga View Post
I thought for something for the 50th advice (yay i'm doing the 50th ),
but it is more in the form of a question to be answered.
I've seen much commentaries related to pics thread almost, cruch confessions and so on that are like "you're cute", "oh! I would like to be with you now, you're so amazing" and some I wonder about like "I would like to be your puppie" or "I so want to jump in the bed with you!". I do go see in a lot of thread to have these quotes (anonym). There is so much or these kind of comments that I am asking myself this question:

50*-When you do a comment to people, be sure of what you are really saying. But how to know surely what we are truly saying as a comment and what would be the consequences of this comment?

An exemple for those who would not understand my vague explanation: If I'm saying to a girl I want to be friendly with, that she's cute after she made me look to her dress and that I am adding to what I said, it puts in worth all the great curves she has (I'm doing a common exemple an FA/SA could live). For her perception, am I teasing her? am I doing a too much direct comment? am I just a jerk who only think about physical attraction? or am I making her feel confident? shy? she's liking me?

I know I'm going deep in social psychology but I want to put this interesting point.
Anything we say is always open to interpretation. Maybe a better question is to ask yourself where you're coming from? What are you trying to communicate? Women are much more aware of non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, etc.) I think the problem for most of us isn't being misunderstood so much as being understood entirely too well? If you sincerely want to get to know someone better that will be clear with or without the right words. If you just want to get to know her in the "biblical" sense that will be evident too. JMO.
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Old 05-20-2009, 03:21 PM   #55
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Anything we say is always open to interpretation. Maybe a better question is to ask yourself where you're coming from? What are you trying to communicate? Women are much more aware of non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, etc.) I think the problem for most of us isn't being misunderstood so much as being understood entirely too well? If you sincerely want to get to know someone better that will be clear with or without the right words. If you just want to get to know her in the "biblical" sense that will be evident too. JMO.
You have an intersting point, body language has a great part in the processus of interpretation. I think this is something to care about.
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Old 05-25-2009, 06:32 AM   #56
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Anything we say is always open to interpretation. Maybe a better question is to ask yourself where you're coming from? What are you trying to communicate? Women are much more aware of non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, etc.) I think the problem for most of us isn't being misunderstood so much as being understood entirely too well? If you sincerely want to get to know someone better that will be clear with or without the right words. If you just want to get to know her in the "biblical" sense that will be evident too. JMO.
Very astute Ernest

A compliment is just a compliment. I don't assume that someone wants to marry me...or even date me...because they gave me a compliment. Those words are "gifts" meant to make a person feel good about themselves. Something they can carry with them and remember later.
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Old 05-25-2009, 07:07 AM   #57
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1.) Don't dwell on the fat. It's sort of like a guy being obsessed with a girl's boobs, or a girl with a guy's penis. There are other things to appreciate.
Was that meant for me?
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3.) Don't ask for bra and pantie size.
Or any size.........

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4.) Getting to know what's inside can lead to greater rewards than just acting like a little kid in a candy store! If the lady wants you to get a little more "playful" she'll let you know.
When a man acts like a child, I want to correct him...hell some even need punished

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5.) If you just met the person for the 1st time...general discussion about "Penis" size....
Oh he can discuss his penis with me all he wants...........it won't get him laid though. Actually, it will put up my guard and I will write him off....in a friendly way that he doesn't see coming though

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8.) Just because I refer to myself as fat does not mean that I will be amenable to being called piggy, fatty, blubbery, or lardy.
This coming from a man that claims to like fat women is even worse than it is coming from some jerk that claims to hate fat women.


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10.) Just as you are human (FA/FFA), your larger partners is as well. They have needs and wants that go a lot farther than being desired only for their physical attributes.
We are just like any other women......and any other human beings.


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17.) Don't tell a BBW how beautiful/perfect she is and then tag on how she'd look even better if she would only gain 30 pounds or so.
Men that do this need to be stabbed in the eye as far as I am concerned. Don't be an ass......

****************************

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20. be tall, muscular and hung like a horse.
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19. learning to cook is never going to count against you
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Originally Posted by fa_man_stan View Post
33) Learn some basic carpentry / mechanical skills. Make sure all furniture, fixtures and household items are safe and sturdy enough for your large sized loved one.
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Originally Posted by fa_man_stan View Post
34) If you aren't handy with carpentry or the other skills mentioned above, at least get yourself a tool belt... your partner might find it to be sexy when you are wearing it...

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#,,,when together,Don't say "I just want a beautiful BBW".....say " I just want you"
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37.Be nice to 'them' even if your NOT trying to get in their pants!
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38A) Don't take yourself too seriously.

38B) Make her laugh.
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46. Buy flowers especially without occassion and just because - don't need to be fancy or expensive - if you can just pick them up. I know - old fashioned but works great
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40. It does not matter how rough 'n' tumble, jeans-sneakers and t-shirt wearing, major sailor blushing swearing some of us may behave around everyone (unless she's total butch) you should find a way to treat us like a lady at a level she's comfortable with.

Yes, I can open my own car door thank you, but I do expect you to be standing there with your hand out ready to help if needed (especially when wearing a dress).
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41. if other big and purdies are around try and keep them in your head. look but don't gawk drool or faint if possible. if not possible don't take her to a BBW event until you can manage it.

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1. When attending a BBW bash or dance, please decide to participate before you get there. Walking around staring & gawking at bellies, butts, and boobs while you're drooling scares the girlies, and makes it harder for the good guys.

5. Just because you buy girlies food or drinks doesn't ensure you will get laid.
In fact, assuming that could get you hurt.

6. If chatting with a girl prior to an event/dance, please don't "throw up" on them sexually, then use the excuse that you were drunk, and not realize you said those things.

7. Don't just run to the webmodels for attention at these events. All women are beautiful, don't ignore the ones who choose not to have paysites.
All of these are the gospel truth......


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Originally Posted by Ernest Nagel View Post
Perhaps you simply understand better that looks alone will only get you so far and even then mostly with rather superficial sorts? I think most women and certainly most BBW could get by on looks alone if they chose to. Knowing that and electing not to holds a special allure for many of us though. Thanks to all of you who opt not to "coast" on looks alone. It's very helpful for those of us attempting to transcend our baser natures. Apologies that said attempt isn't always more readily evident.
I think more intelligent people understand the true value of looks.....it's good for getting attention.....but not for keeping it.

Some people seem to think that if a woman is pretty, then she will immediately find love forever...or a "prince"....just like the fairy tales.

It's bullshit......people fall in love with the essence, beliefs and personality of another person....not how they look.

I NEVER trust....or even like a guy that cannot talk about anything other than how I look. It becomes really obvious really quick that it's his dick talking....and that nothing I can do or say will engage his mind.


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2. Don't take a picture of someone unless you know them, or can run faster than them (or me, if I'm there).
They can take my picture if they want it.....but they shouldn't get pissy if I want something back for it



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I'm not understanding this one. Why would you imagine that her standards would naturally be lower???
Lol, my thoughts exactly.
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Old 06-02-2009, 09:09 PM   #58
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51. (another dinner one) If you're having dinner and your fat date doesn't eat much, don't assume it's cause she/he is trying to not look like a glutton in public or because they're embarassed or ashamed in any way. It could just be because they are terribly nervous. Well, it happens to me anyway. I could be starving, but I just can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm really nervous, and I'm too nervous to say I'm nervous. I always worry that the person I'm having dinner with might think the reason is always something worse than nerves. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
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Old 06-03-2009, 06:34 PM   #59
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51. (another dinner one) If you're having dinner and your fat date doesn't eat much, don't assume it's cause she/he is trying to not look like a glutton in public or because they're embarassed or ashamed in any way. It could just be because they are terribly nervous. Well, it happens to me anyway. I could be starving, but I just can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm really nervous, and I'm too nervous to say I'm nervous. I always worry that the person I'm having dinner with might think the reason is always something worse than nerves. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Yes. When I'm NOT compulsively overeating (and that is a VERY good thing when it happens), I cannot eat as much. I simply eat my fill and move on. It's important to me....very much so....to be able to stop when I am full and eat when I am hungry. If I think you are one of those people that label and judge me as being "gluttonous", as in you expected to watch me eat three plates, I'm not going to like you very much. Best way I can put it.
I went to dinner with some Dimmers back last January......the ones sitting by me couldn't eat their whole dinners either......and no one was trying to impress anyone.
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Old 06-03-2009, 06:42 PM   #60
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Yes. When I'm NOT compulsively overeating (and that is a VERY good thing when it happens), I cannot eat as much. I simply eat my fill and move on. It's important to me....very much so....to be able to stop when I am full and eat when I am hungry. If I think you are one of those people that label and judge me as being "gluttonous", as in you expected to watch me eat three plates, I'm not going to like you very much. Best way I can put it.
I went to dinner with some Dimmers back last January......the ones sitting by me couldn't eat their whole dinners either......and no one was trying to impress anyone.
Hey yeah. That's a good point too. Sometimes we don't eat everything in front of us. Who knew.
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Old 06-11-2009, 04:43 PM   #61
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51. (another dinner one) If you're having dinner and your fat date doesn't eat much, don't assume it's cause she/he is trying to not look like a glutton in public or because they're embarassed or ashamed in any way. It could just be because they are terribly nervous. Well, it happens to me anyway. I could be starving, but I just can't eat or drink much of anything when I'm really nervous, and I'm too nervous to say I'm nervous. I always worry that the person I'm having dinner with might think the reason is always something worse than nerves. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
This is so me! When I'm nervous it's like trying to push bricks down my throat to eat.... just can't do it. I usually end up feeling guilty for the money he spent on my meal, so when I'm nervous to begin with I try and order the least amount I can.

I soooooooo envy people who are confident enough not to be nervous in social situations.

Teresa
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Old 06-11-2009, 09:32 PM   #62
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This is so me! When I'm nervous it's like trying to push bricks down my throat to eat.... just can't do it. I usually end up feeling guilty for the money he spent on my meal, so when I'm nervous to begin with I try and order the least amount I can.

I soooooooo envy people who are confident enough not to be nervous in social situations.

Teresa
I'm usually not nervous at all in social situations where groups are involved, but one on one during the first few dates with a person I really really like, forget about it. I can talk, probably too much, LOL, but the kind of nervous I get is the kind where I don't know what to do with my hands or how to stand, or how to sit, and I get fidgety. Bad. So if the person I'm with isn't as nervous as I am, and he can somehow find a way to create a relaxed atmosphere in public, then that helps.
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Old 06-17-2009, 07:35 AM   #63
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Don't go on about her size/weight and how it compares to past girlfriends.
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Old 06-17-2009, 04:19 PM   #64
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I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.

Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.

Yeah, there are lots of pretty ladies at these events, but if you already have one, can ya give her your undivided attention?

Thanks. That is all.
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Old 06-17-2009, 04:36 PM   #65
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I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.

Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.

Yeah, there are lots of pretty ladies at these events, but if you already have one, can ya give her your undivided attention?

Thanks. That is all.
Ah, that's a BIG no-no. Nice one, Phil.
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Old 06-17-2009, 04:42 PM   #66
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I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.

Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.

Yeah, there are lots of pretty ladies at these events, but if you already have one, can ya give her your undivided attention?

Thanks. That is all.
A-Freakin-Men, Phil.
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Old 07-04-2009, 09:42 AM   #67
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Don't say.."You are the most beautiful women I have ever know" and in the next breath say " show me a picture of XXXX and her belly,thighs,etc".
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Old 07-04-2009, 11:17 AM   #68
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This has been mentioned before I think, but it bears repeating:

When chatting, *do not* open the conversation with:

a) how much do you weigh?
b) what's your bra size?

To me those questions are only appropriate after a bit of chit chat about other stuff first.

If you are only interested in casual sex say so up front so neither one of you wastes the other one's time thinking you both want the same thing when you don't. If she makes it clear she's not interested in casual sex and you are, don't argue or resort to fat jokes or name calling. Just bow out gracefully.
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Old 07-04-2009, 11:30 AM   #69
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Originally Posted by big_gurl_lvr View Post
46. Buy flowers especially without occassion and just because - don't need to be fancy or expensive - if you can just pick them up. I know - old fashioned but works great
Amendment to this one:

Don't assume that "romance" means "flowers and chocolates" because she's a woman. Take the time to find out what her definition of "romantic" is. It tells her that you're interested in her likes and dislikes.


For example: My boyfriend and I went kayaking for our second anniversary. Afterwards, we went for a walk around the park, and ended the day with dinner at Olive Garden. A lot of people said "that's not romantic". Response: "we had fun together and that's what counts."
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Old 07-05-2009, 06:03 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by tonynyc View Post
I don't have a course for FFA yet - I will add a post for that so we have a dialogue there as well....

-------------------------------------------------------
......

This thread is also begging for the curriculum to be posted in the meantime...So...

I've taken the liberty to condensed some of the key points below and perhaps some Dimmers (I apologize to those I may have left out) -please chime in with additional and or new pointers.....

FA Code of Conduct in A Nutshell
(Cliff Notes)
----------------------------------------------------

3.) Don't ask for bra and pantie size.
unless you're buying a present for your lover

Quote:

7.) If you're an FA and through getting to know a BBW you find out that she really wants to lose weight because she thinks she would be happier DON'T try to talk her out of it.
I must strongly disagree with this... I'll assume by "getting to know" you mean dating... I'll also assume that by lose weight you mean a significant amount here not 10lbs so clothes fit again, but say - 10 - 20% or more of body weight....

Quote:
I think its okay to state your preference but trying to talk her out of something she feels she needs really disrespects her knowledge of her self, undermines confidence etc., just for the sake of your own desires.
First:
Certainly you should let your lover know your preference (or if it's stronger than that, your orientation) as an FA, if the two of you are lovers your S.O. would probably want to know if significant weightloss is going to screw up your shared sex life... what your lover chooses to do with that knowledge isn't up to you... you MAY get dumped... and that's fair enough...
But if for instance - I had decided to get a particular tattoo, or grow/cut my hair, or give up / start pumping more iron and the woman I loved said "don't do that I find you hot the way you are!" etc. that I'd at least THINK about it before going ahead, if not change course!

Second:
There are far more reasons than FA desires against weightloss...
Bear in mind that as an FA putting these arguments forward will be met with your lover by some cynicism, but thems the breaks... Also you wil be likely met with some incredulity, because your lover will have been bombarded with fat-hatred, weightloss messages from media, medics, random public, friends, family their WHOLE LIFE...
This will probably have been the first (or one of only few) time(s) they have ever heard from anyone ever that:
- they are gorgeous and loved exactly as they are
- they have every right to be treated with respect just like all other humans, they do NOT have to "earn it" by being "good"/through weight loss
- that 95% of diets FAIL in the professed objective of sustainable weightloss
- that starvation (that's what dieting IS) is BAD for health, to the point it can be equated to self-harm
- that "successful" weightloss of 20% or greater body mass will lower their life expectancy
- that overweight people live longest
- that the "dangers" of obesity are exaggerated
- that fat is NOT a measure of health
- that health as measured directly can be better achieved through a HAES approach which will probably not lead to any weight loss
http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=60961
- that activity and good self-esteem are positive influences on health, without weight loss
- that big people can exercise safely and well to build strength and enhance their mobility (using swimming, aqua, weights) without needing to lose weight
- that a vast multi-million dollar diet industry is sustained by keeping them miserable
- that weightloss organisations employ cult-type methods (see Kate Harding's Shapely prose among others... I'll do refs later)
- that you are 4 times more likely to die from weight loss surgery than a heart bypass
- that life threatening malnutrition such as beri-beri is so common after WLS that doctors call it "bariatric beri-beri"


FAs SHOULD be advocating this stuff! Yes, not in a browbeating, lecturing or manipulating way... but in a "here's the facts that have been hidden from you way".... and yes if your lover still decides to go ahead, you must respect that decision...

And certainly if you try to talk your lover out of anything you are likely to be accused of "disrespecting their knowledge" but if you can manage a calm disscussion I don't think you should let this put you off at all...


Quote:
Make sure a BBW wants to be a BBW before getting so close that you, the FA, would be super invested in her staying that way.
Mate, if you have found some kind of "future predicting machine" do share with the rest of us! Love = risk of broken heart. always.

Quote:
Relationships should be about helping each person become whoever it is they have been born to be - not about trying to make someone into what you want them to be.
Hmmm... I disagree with the first part - relationships are about being with someone you love and enjoying the time you share together....
I agree with the last part, but what if you want them exactly as you find them? and internalised self-hatred is pushing them to harm themselves by driving them to try and be something they're not? Surely you owe it to your lover to at least talk to them about it?

this is such a big issue I'm going to pull the bones of this post out and start a new thread sometime soon - it's very late here now...
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Old 07-05-2009, 06:07 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by pickleman357 View Post
39) If he/she wants to loose weight, help and encourage him/her with it.
I strongly disagree - reasons in my post above

Quote:
Remember that they're the ones that have to carry around every single ounce of that fat for every single activity that they do. If they want less weight pulling them down, then its their choice, not your hormone's!!
It is of course true that it is their choice - it does not follow from that you should encourage weightloss though...
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Old 07-11-2009, 09:46 AM   #72
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49. If you're one of those guys that feel she must always be fat to keep your interest, then let her know that upfront instead of pretending you like her for what's inside, no matter what.
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Old 07-13-2009, 04:57 PM   #73
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I know I didn't say this in my original bash etiquette post, but sitting & observing at our events, I noticed the guys that have the kid in a candy store look. Usually they're with another girl, and their eyes wander, and wander, and wander.

Don't be surprised if you get popped in your noggin if you get caught.
???WTF???
Who is "popping" who "in the noggin"?
I'm assuming you're referring to an FA being hit by their lover?

If your lover hits you - leave them.
Never mind if they try to sanitise it by calling it a "pop in the noggin"
Never mind that you were looking at or talking to whoever...
Hitting = not ok.
Doesn't matter what sex or orientation you are.


Now that might seem wildly obvious, but most of this thread seems to be dealing with things that I would have thought come under the heading of basic social skills / manners...

There are a handful of notable exceptions, though e.g. I liked the carpentry thing ?Stan the Man? posted... I build my own furniture and I build it to BBW spec. whenever possible - no embarrasing broken bed moments for me and my lover at my place!

Quote:
Yeah, there are lots of pretty ladies at these events, but if you already have one, can ya give her your undivided attention?

Thanks. That is all.
Because obsessively staring at your lover for the entire evening and ignoring absolutely everything around you is of course, not in any way creepy!
/sarcasm
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Old 07-13-2009, 05:28 PM   #74
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Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy View Post
49. If you're one of those guys that feel she must always be fat to keep your interest, then let her know that upfront instead of pretending you like her for what's inside, no matter what.
Lol! this is the second or third 49, I think! It's like the rules of Fight Club!

Apart from "interest" where I'd substitute "sexual attraction" - because it is entirely possible to be "interested" in i.e. love and care about/for someone and yet not lust after them, (and many/most adults require both in a relationship with a lover)... Then yep, I agree with this...

It can be awkward to have to 'fess up to, but goddess help me, despite all the crap it's brought down on me in the past I'm still all for honesty! - Despite the suckage that - unlike those who do have "mainstream" desires, I cannot enter a relationship with someone with the cosy little assumption that "normals" have i.e. that the person they are falling for is not likely to DELIBERATELY set out to bodily modify themselves to an extreme extent!

Addendum to this:
If you are an FA in orientation rather than just preference -
DO NOT expect that being honest, open and upfront about it will:
- stop the two of you from getting involved and falling in love
- sway your lover from deliberately losing loads of weight
- make you feel any less terrible as they lose weight
- make you feel like any less of a sh*t about having to break up with them, when your internal conflict becomes unbearable

and if you do find yourself in this situation (which as you can tell, I have)
be gentle with each other, and try not to be too hard on yourself when you run up against the limits of your capacity to deal with the worry / loneliness / sense of being the "bad" person / sense of impending doom / limits of your sexual response ...
It's just hard luck that your sexuality didn't run with the mainstream paradigm...

You're not "wrong" or "bad" for being who you are...
You just "are"

Good luck out there.
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Old 07-19-2009, 04:20 AM   #75
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Originally Posted by mel View Post
Don't say.."You are the most beautiful women I have ever know" and in the next breath say " show me a picture of XXXX and her belly,thighs,etc".
BAM! That should be a law damnit!
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