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Old 04-09-2009, 01:10 AM   #1
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Default How were you in "the closet?"

I was never really "in the closet" about being a fat admirer growing up. My family and friends knew I liked big women when they noticed I kept dating women of varying degrees of plumpness. So when you say you were "in the closet" what does that mean exactly? Did you date skinny girls? Did you avoid dating at all? Did you make fun of fat girls in front of your friends to fit in?
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Old 04-09-2009, 02:06 AM   #2
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Yeah, I was in the closet for quite a while because I didn't feel normal bc all the girls around me would go for slim guys....and I dated them too once upon a time...trying to fool everybody maybe myself as well, I don't know. But like many of us...I had needs and I was exposed when my mom found the sites.

That was a fun discussion....She doesnt accept it at all. Only my close friends rly know this is what Im attracted to....like I formall came out to them. But I'm sure everyone else assumes because bigger guys are all I date now :P
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Old 04-09-2009, 02:22 AM   #3
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I can honestly say i have never been 'in the closet' as an fa. Though, people knew before i did. I remember being 18/19 and a gf saying to me when i was on the train with all my work mates "ahh yeah, lisa (me) likes fat women". This was sort of weird because my gf at the time wasn't exactly fat though she was curvy. Everyone was like "oohh really.. so you must fancy so and so that works in the office" (so and so was a really mean woman who was about 25 years older than me and not hot). I thought about it and said 'oh no' stupidly this sort of confused me..like i HAD to fancy every fat person in the world.
Oh actually, when i say i wasnt 'in the closet' ...when i had wee encounters with fat people i didn't come out as an Fa, because i actually didnt know that was a 'thing'..but i would tell them i thought their bodies were really beautiful...i knew it was more than that but i really didnt have a context.
I was on a film course where i met one of my best freinds when i was about 22/23 and he and i were reading through bizarre magazine and there was a section on differrent 'fetishes' .. there was a wee bit on fat admiration and i said to him 'oh, thats me!!..i love fat chicks' ..he was like 'ahh i like skinny goth chicks'. So we both got some beers and went home to look up fat chicks and skinny goth chicks on tinternet.. and i came across Dimensions chat and chattered and met some friends, which i am still friends with today.. and that is that.
I think, the 'comming out' part was only ever to myself, because i really had no frame of reference.. i wasnt sure if 'prefering fat people' was a valid sexuality.. so it was very vauge for a while.
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Old 04-09-2009, 09:06 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
I can honestly say i have never been 'in the closet' as an fa. Though, people knew before i did. I remember being 18/19 and a gf saying to me when i was on the train with all my work mates "ahh yeah, lisa (me) likes fat women". This was sort of weird because my gf at the time wasn't exactly fat though she was curvy. Everyone was like "oohh really.. so you must fancy so and so that works in the office" (so and so was a really mean woman who was about 25 years older than me and not hot). I thought about it and said 'oh no' stupidly this sort of confused me..like i HAD to fancy every fat person in the world.
Oh actually, when i say i wasnt 'in the closet' ...when i had wee encounters with fat people i didn't come out as an Fa, because i actually didnt know that was a 'thing'..but i would tell them i thought their bodies were really beautiful...i knew it was more than that but i really didnt have a context.
I was on a film course where i met one of my best freinds when i was about 22/23 and he and i were reading through bizarre magazine and there was a section on differrent 'fetishes' .. there was a wee bit on fat admiration and i said to him 'oh, thats me!!..i love fat chicks' ..he was like 'ahh i like skinny goth chicks'. So we both got some beers and went home to look up fat chicks and skinny goth chicks on tinternet.. and i came across Dimensions chat and chattered and met some friends, which i am still friends with today.. and that is that.
I think, the 'comming out' part was only ever to myself, because i really had no frame of reference.. i wasnt sure if 'prefering fat people' was a valid sexuality.. so it was very vauge for a while.
i found this a very similar way lol....I was about eleven and trying to be funny with a friend in the Border's erotica section and there was this book of fetishes....it was called like the big book of sex or something and it had a page on fat admiration and then one on feederism or whatever. and I get what you mean with coming out to yourself...I knew, but like couldnt except it for the longest time because I was afraid people wouldnt be so accepting .

I rly admire how you, despite not knowing it was a thing or whatever, that you were able to say oay this is what I like and thats that, not making it a huge deal....bc rly, one's sexuality isnt a huge deal....so just letting u know i think thats rly cool u were mature enough to realize that at 18 when confronted.

big rep :P
__________________

So shall we recap this pathetic life?
I'll role the clip, you'll hold the knife.
Rewind back to when you cared,
then fast-forward to the scars we bare.
And we'll open our eyes to find everything's fading.
Reckon it's fatal, but just look at the ratings.
Because the populace indulges through TV screens,
TiVo the laughter and mute the screams.
Thus we bottle all our tears inside,
repress the pain till our hearts collide...
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Old 04-09-2009, 09:35 AM   #5
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If I was 'in the closet' it was really that I kept all my sexuality to myself. I just didn't really tell anyone what I liked. I was pretty much looking for 'the one' and wasn't looking to date just for dating's sake, and naturally I never actually met 'the one' so didn't really date at all during my teens. So I was in the closet in that probably nobody knew I preferred plumper women, but then again nobody knew much about what I liked at all (I even had one friend seriously ask me if I was gay, because they never heard me going ga-ga over cute girls).

I eventually decided that I should just try and date, and at least get some practice at that part so I wouldn't blow it when I did meet 'the one.' After some thought I decided I shouldn't be too picky about body size, this wasn't going to be serious, after all. So of course I ended up marrying the first woman I dated, who went from reasonably thin to small BBW over the first several years of our relationship. I never hid that I loved her body, but I never felt a need to go into details about what I liked, fat or other things. Somewhere along the lines I've mentioned my preferences to friends, but once you've been married for a few years nobody really cares anymore *L*

*shrug* So for me it was not so much an FA closet as extreme privacy about my sexuality. Just not something I wanted to talk about in any sense for a long time.
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Old 04-09-2009, 11:01 AM   #6
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Ed I can relate to you.

I was always very shy around women. I still am sort of because I never really do understand the fairer sex. I didn't date anyone in high school. I was the manager of the football team, face in a book nerd.

In college the same sort of thing. I dated this one girl who was a BBW but we were both so painfully shy it was not good.

I had a huge crush on this friend of my brother's who was a gorgeous BBW. For a while about once a month we would meet at the diner in our town and eat breakfast together. We always had wonderful rambling conversations. I think she knew that I was head over heels but nothing ever came of it.

I would say this was when I was the most in the closet because I guess I didn't understand why she made me go crazy. Also I sort of felt like a freak on multiple levels. Thankfully she was older than me and because we were never boyfriend/girlfriend I don't think my being "closeted" hurt her.

She certainly helped me understand where my desires were.

A bunch of my friends cornered me one night at college and said why don't you ask this girl out. I really was not that interested in her at all, but I did ask her out and we dated and I sort of fell in love with her. She was a size 16 and while on the low side of what I liked it worked.

She and I broke up a few years after college and at that time I had found dimensions and felt I understood things a little better and I decided to only date girls I found attractive.

Three years later I met my wife.
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Old 04-09-2009, 11:22 AM   #7
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For me it mostly stemmed from not wanting to be bothered with people in general. Every little thing elicited commentary all the time. "OMG, you like cheese on your hot dog???" "OMG, you like mustard on your ham sammitch????" etc. Every insipid little thing was a record scratch moment for the ignorant folks I was surrounded with. I just wanted to live my life in peace and not have to testify on behalf of myself every hour over silliness. This was often confounded by my fear that someone would run and tell my guy crush that I liked him and I'd be mortified. I was in the closet so to speak but it was for the same reason 99.9999999% of the people in the world don't boradcast themselves.

I had no issues fawning all over fat celebrities I liked. I'd name someone and there would always be one in the crowd who would say they like him/her too or they know someone who does.
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Old 04-09-2009, 11:25 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoliloquyOfaSiren View Post
i found this a very similar way lol....I was about eleven and trying to be funny with a friend in the Border's erotica section and there was this book of fetishes....it was called like the big book of sex or something and it had a page on fat admiration and then one on feederism or whatever. and I get what you mean with coming out to yourself...I knew, but like couldnt except it for the longest time because I was afraid people wouldnt be so accepting .

I rly admire how you, despite not knowing it was a thing or whatever, that you were able to say oay this is what I like and thats that, not making it a huge deal....bc rly, one's sexuality isnt a huge deal....so just letting u know i think thats rly cool u were mature enough to realize that at 18 when confronted.

big rep :P
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Old 04-09-2009, 12:32 PM   #9
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I've never been in the closet about it, really. I'm just shy and introspective so not many people get the chance to find out.
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Old 04-09-2009, 03:55 PM   #10
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I was in the closet in a major way in junior high and high school. Even in college to a degree. Like any teenager (especially a fat teenager seeking social acceptance like it was some sort of drug) I wanted people to like me while at the same time blend in and be part of the group. Stand out without standing out, if that makes sense. I kept sites like this one such a complete and total secret, it's almost impressive the lengths I'd go to to cover my tracks and prop myself up as a guy who just looooooved rail thin girls with fake boobies. Bleh. After college, moving back home, there was a period I just said to hell with it. I not only accepted my passion but embraced it myself, not really intentionally gaining, but just generally eating like a pig. But it's been my wife that's helped me "come out of the closet" in a positive, productive, accepting sort way. I have a penchant for larger women. No biggie, you know? It's been a long time coming, but I'm glad I can say that now. It's just a part of me.
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Old 04-10-2009, 12:51 AM   #11
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I never really had the chance to be in the closet. All I'll say is it's a good thing I couldn't get a fat girl in high school.
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Old 04-10-2009, 04:30 PM   #12
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I think it was just about keeping my mouth shut when I was around fatphobia, or not stating my preference openly when, say, talking about "hot" girls with friends. I never let it influence who I dated, and the flak I caught in high school was minimal. Now I let certain people in on it, when appropriate, but don't wear a t-shirt.

Complicating things is that my GF is a bit chunky but generally much smaller than the girls she catches me ogling. She's aware I'm an FA, though she doesn't know I'm into feeding or immobility or any of the other, uh, heavier stuff. Either way, I try to keep it on the DL around her without totally betraying who I am or how I feel. I don't like to rub it in her face that she doesn't measure up, so to speak. I don't want to put pressure on her to gain, nor do I want her to think I don't find her attractive, because I do. So it's a weird little dance I do on a day-to-day basis.

You might say I'm ambivalent.
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Old 04-11-2009, 05:30 AM   #13
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I don't know what is FAness "in the closet".
But in my opinion an FA who is not in the closet is characterized as follow:
  • holds hands with his fattie in public
  • kisses his fattie in public
  • goes swimming with his fattie
  • if asked he confirms his attraction to fat bodies
  • has the heart to post pics of himself (and his fattie) on fat related forums
  • his family and friends know he has fat partner
  • is willing to marry his fattie
  • is married to a fattie
  • never pretends to be into skinnies
  • never makes anti-fat comments

Quote:
Originally Posted by Judge_Dre View Post
I was never really "in the closet" about being a fat admirer growing up. My family and friends knew I liked big women when they noticed I kept dating women of varying degrees of plumpness. So when you say you were "in the closet" what does that mean exactly? Did you date skinny girls? Did you avoid dating at all? Did you make fun of fat girls in front of your friends to fit in?
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Old 04-17-2009, 09:02 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Judge_Dre View Post
I was never really "in the closet" about being a fat admirer growing up. My family and friends knew I liked big women when they noticed I kept dating women of varying degrees of plumpness. So when you say you were "in the closet" what does that mean exactly? Did you date skinny girls? Did you avoid dating at all? Did you make fun of fat girls in front of your friends to fit in?
Same here, never really in a closet, always open about my preferences although not fully realized at early ages.
I did date one skinny girl though but that just made me realize how set in my preference I was already. The topic of size never came up in that relationship though and it was short lived.
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Old 04-17-2009, 09:10 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blockierer View Post
I don't know what is FAness "in the closet".
But in my opinion an FA who is not in the closet is characterized as follow:
  • holds hands with his fattie in public
  • kisses his fattie in public
  • goes swimming with his fattie
  • if asked he confirms his attraction to fat bodies
  • has the heart to post pics of himself (and his fattie) on fat related forums
  • his family and friends know he has fat partner
  • is willing to marry his fattie
  • is married to a fattie
  • never pretends to be into skinnies
  • never makes anti-fat comments
AMEN!
I fully agree with the sentiment and find myself checking off this list for myself as I read it. If there was an all of the above I would check that box and in the box marked other I would also add: does what he can to make his fattie as comfortable in her world so as to feel more special to be a part of his. (using male pronouns only out of convenience, not trying to leave the female FAs out)
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Old 04-17-2009, 09:35 PM   #16
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Never been "in the closet" here. Tho there were a lot of years when I dated no one and when I was young I said and did my share of stoopid stuff (i.e. There were BBWs I should've dated. But I was never into dating.)

This list of Blockierer's defines the "closeted/uncloseted" thing pretty well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blockierer View Post
I don't know what is FAness "in the closet".
But in my opinion an FA who is not in the closet is characterized as follow:
  • holds hands with his fattie in public
  • kisses his fattie in public
  • goes swimming with his fattie
  • if asked he confirms his attraction to fat bodies
  • has the heart to post pics of himself (and his fattie) on fat related forums
  • his family and friends know he has fat partner
  • is willing to marry his fattie
  • is married to a fattie
  • never pretends to be into skinnies
  • never makes anti-fat comments
All I can say to any of you who feel closeted in some way, stop it! You will not be happy unless you're true to yourself. And fat people so deserve and need our support and love.
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Old 04-18-2009, 04:14 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by tres huevos View Post
Complicating things is that my GF is a bit chunky but generally much smaller than the girls she catches me ogling. She's aware I'm an FA, though she doesn't know I'm into feeding or immobility or any of the other, uh, heavier stuff. Either way, I try to keep it on the DL around her without totally betraying who I am or how I feel. I don't like to rub it in her face that she doesn't measure up, so to speak. I don't want to put pressure on her to gain, nor do I want her to think I don't find her attractive, because I do. So it's a weird little dance I do on a day-to-day basis.

You might say I'm ambivalent.
Yes. My gf is ~ 250. She knows that I'd like it if she were heavier, but I don't think she knows how much heavier. I don't think she wants to know, frankly. She already thinks she's the fattest person in the world, and I think her head would detach from her neck and fly around like a farting balloon if she knew I was online ogling 400+ lb. ladies and looking at feeder/feedee stuff.

I guess in this sense, I'm still in the closet, although not by Blockierer's definition. I honestly don't think she would want to know, and I'm not saying that as a cop-out. I think it would make her feel inadequate and like I won't ever be satisfied, which is unfortunately true, to some extent.
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Old 04-18-2009, 04:57 PM   #18
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I think I'm still in some sort of "closet", as it were; I've never expressed my preferences with anyone (save one of my closest friends) and I've never really been in a relationship (either sexual or emotional) with a woman before.

I do, however, hope I can overcome this in college.
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Old 04-20-2009, 10:40 PM   #19
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I think I'm still in some sort of "closet", as it were....

I do, however, hope I can overcome this in college.
LOL...you sound a bit like this guy:

http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=16204




I honestly only came out of the closet because I needed the fresh air. I hate the taste of mothballs, and I'd realised the game of hide-and-seek was long over.
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Old 04-21-2009, 03:02 AM   #20
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I dont believe I am in the closet, but I dont go round tellin every one either. Partly because they wouldnt care. But people ask me so is your new girlfriend a porker too? And I just say well Thats not what id call her. And they couldnt care less then so i dont need to tell people I like fat women its pretty obvious and id rather let them work it out.
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Old 04-21-2009, 03:07 AM   #21
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I was never really "in the closet" about being a fat admirer growing up. My family and friends knew I liked big women when they noticed I kept dating women of varying degrees of plumpness. So when you say you were "in the closet" what does that mean exactly? Did you date skinny girls? Did you avoid dating at all? Did you make fun of fat girls in front of your friends to fit in?
Well I guess when I was younger I would make fun of fat girls to fit in. I wouldn't however say it was a matter of being in the closet because I didn't no there was such thing as an FA as someone else already said. And when your younger being independent is not easy until you hit a more mature age.

I am however under the impression that people who constantly bag out fat people are secretly FAs or are at least very intrigued by it
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Old 04-21-2009, 07:04 AM   #22
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Well I guess when I was younger I would make fun of fat girls to fit in. [...]

I am however under the impression that people who constantly bag out fat people are secretly FAs or are at least very intrigued by it
I find this astonishing. Is this at all common? How dismal if it is.

For my part, I always had an impulse to vocally defend full-figured girls I liked if they were being made fun of. This was true whether it was in their presence, or if they were not around. (Most of the time the making fun happened behind their backs.)

It wasn't a desire to be some kind of white knight, as I soon learned that it wasn't much appreciated, and sometimes ended up doing more harm than good. But the impulse was always to defend.

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that anyone could actually make fun of what they secretly like. I know I've heard of this before, but I always thought it was a myth. It's hard to comprehend.
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Old 04-21-2009, 07:12 AM   #23
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I find this astonishing. Is this at all common? How dismal if it is.

For my part, I always had an impulse to vocally defend full-figured girls I liked if they were being made fun of. This was true whether it was in their presence, or if they were not around. (Most of the time the making fun happened behind their backs.)

It wasn't a desire to be some kind of white knight, as I soon learned that it wasn't much appreciated, and sometimes ended up doing more harm than good. But the impulse was always to defend.

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that anyone could actually make fun of what they secretly like. I know I've heard of this before, but I always thought it was a myth. It's hard to comprehend.
It is actually quite common, at least in my experience. Some of the worst young homophobes I encountered are now living out of the closet. As far as FAs go I had a terribly bully who harassed me daily on the school bus. I wanted my brothers to come up to the bus and gang beat him to a pulp but they wouldn't take the bait. Instead they assured me that the guy probably had the hotsies for me. They affirmed that no guy puts that much effort and focus on a person on a daily basis without something going on. I didn't believe it but their prophetic words turned out to be true, he is an FA. Everybody doesn't respond like that of course but it's common enough to have become a cliche now even beyond size issues. A guy teasing one girl in particular on a regular basis will be accused of liking her by an astute observationist eventually.
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Old 04-22-2009, 02:24 PM   #24
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I have never been in any closet. No, not really. I remember, when I discovered girls, the only one that got me turned on, where the bigger one. I thought that was a bit weird to begin with, but, so what? So when I was around 16 or so, whenever someone asked me what kind of girls I liked the answer was "chubby and cute". Btw, everyone who knows me knows I like bigger girls. It just like one guy I know, everyone knows he prefers redheads. Or another one, he prefers tall girls. Everyone has their own preference.
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Old 04-22-2009, 08:25 PM   #25
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Oh boy was I in the closet, my FA-ness was like my biggest secret, I felt almost shameful about it. Mostly due to my brother who is very anti-big girl. Anyway, now that I'm older, it doesn't affect me as it once did, the need to fit in and conform has faded and so had my shame about my preferences....so yeah, there ya go
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