Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > FA/FFA forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-02-2014, 03:58 PM   #226
phelan4022
Live by Example
 
phelan4022's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Pacific Northwest
Posts: 91
phelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 club
Default

I have struggled with FA guilt since I knew I was an FA. My mother was hyper-critical of all fat people, myself included and would automatically equate being fat with being lazy and of less value. She was a slender woman that was incredibly afraid of being fat. Ironically, I think my being an FA and discussing it with her actually helped her to some degree to overcome that, though she still has hang ups with her post-menopausal body and the weight she has gained since. None the less, I am jumping a bit ahead of myself. When my Mom first found my stash of BBW erotica (I am NOT a fan of porn at all and never have been), she told me that the models would most likely be dead by the time they were 30. Meaning to 14 year old me that the thing I loved would kill the women I desired. Oooooh boy, that did a number on my head for years.

So, with my Mom's apocalyptic denouncement of my attraction ringing in my ears, I set out to discover if, indeed, my attraction was a fatal one. What I discovered lead me to my current profession and ultimately was the death of the guilt she seeded in me but it was a long time in coming.

When I was 16, I got into my first, serious relationship with a "chubbier (read 165ish when we met)" lady. She had been borderline anorexic right before meeting me, going days without eating anything at all, and she started eating normally as a result of our spending time together. Consequentially, she put on about 20 lbs in the first six months of us being together. Finally, there came a point when she brought it up to me and asked how I felt about it. This was the first time I ever discussed my attraction with a significant other. I broke down and cried and told her that I liked her the way she was and would not be bothered at all if she gained more weight. Unfortunately, she was both a foodee and still had all the psychological hangups with her body that she had had when she was anorexic and she did not have the self-esteem to make choices about her body for her own happiness. She didn't gain intentionally for me, she just stopped trying to limit her intake and ate what she wanted when she wanted. For a short while when she was in college (she was a grade above me and we were together for almost three years), I think she actually enjoyed it a little but that did not last long. I, being an FA, enjoyed her weight gain and her no restraints eating but I could see the self-loathing in her eyes when she looked into the mirror and I blamed myself entirely for it. We moved in together when I was 18 and she was 19 and I saw that self-loathing every single day. It did not detract from my guilt that she would tell me that she was only bigger for me and that, if we were to ever separate, she would lose the weight. I think she meant it as something special that she did because she loved me but it only compounded my own self-loathing. She was 220 at her heaviest, if I recall correctly, and though I was never so attracted to her physically, her loss of self-esteem and my guilt at the belief that it was my responsibility rendered me impotent. I could not perform for her. And, we were unable to explain to each other how we felt, being young and conflicted and inexperienced. Eight months before she left me, I told her that it would spell the end of us and I was correct. She left me in 2008 for a married man twice her age, a snare of circumstance and convenience that she only untangled herself from about a year ago. I didn't speak to her for almost five years but we recently reconnected after both of us doing a LOT of growing up and it pleases me to say that we are friends again. She has lost the weight and is doing well for herself, in the most part.

After her, I stayed out of relationships for almost four years, spending the time bettering myself and changing my life. I too gained weight with her, getting up to 310 lbs at my heaviest. Her leaving me was a sobering experience and I moved away from the small town where I grew up, went back to college, lost 130 lbs, found myself and grew up. I came to terms with my attraction and came out of the fat closet, loud and proud. However, my time of trial was not yet over.

The first relationship I tried to be in after my time of celibacy was with an old friend from the community from years and years ago, when I was a teen. We both had mutual interest in each other but she lived far away and I didn't at the time have the means to see her. She still lived many states away but I had more access to funds and transport, etc., so I found her and reopened our friendship, not without the hope that our old spark would still be there. She (I will not name her) was a model, an SSBBW and a feedee. When I knew her last, she was only in the low 300s but she had gained up to 450 then lost to the low 400s by the time we started talking again. I am a feeder as well as an FA but I have huge moral opinions about destructive weight gain, I'll post something I wrote about Susan Emman at some point that will make my stance rather clear. Anyways, the lady and I struck back up our relationship, long distance, and I was eager to assist her in her goal of weight loss for health reasons. She had passed her threshold and her weight was seriously impacting her health to the point that she wanted to lose down to about 200 lbs. I was both fine with that and excited to be able to help her. I designed her a training schedule and a eating plan that addressed all of her nutritional deficits and would have served to alleviate and remedy the vast majority of her health issues. However, she was truly a feedee and battled herself between wanting to be fed and get fatter and her desire to lose weight to literally save her life. I was conflicted as well, because her weight gain and her desire to be fed was a huge turn on for me, although not one I was willing to indulge at the cost of her life. I imagined a scenario where feeding sessions could occur after milestones and maybe a scenario where she could gain weight later on down the road in a healthy way after she stabilized her medical conditions. This was not to be. She battled more than her own cognitive dissonance, she suffered from depression, anxiety, suicidal and self-destructive tendencies as well as her desires to over-indulge and be fatter. I was torn between my desire to help her and yet not to enable any of her self-destructive tendencies. Ultimately, the relationship had to end before it truly got to start and she is now seeing an other feeder who gets off on her not being able to breathe when she walks a short ways. I obviously disagree with that aspect of the attraction but she is an adult and has the power to make her own choices and take responsibility for them.

Now, I am with a wonderful BBW who, though she still deals with some body issues, is fairly comfortable with her body and has lost weight down from the mid 300s to the mid-high 200s because of self-empowerment and her desire to physically be able to do more. I support her in this 100%. However, because of life stress, she recently regained a little of the weight and is having trouble getting back on the horse, so to speak. She knows about my attraction to her figure, she knows that the weight she gained back excites me but she also knows I will support her in whatever she chooses to do with her body. And, I am the first FA she has ever dated so she has never truly had anyone who appreciated her body for the way it is. She struggles but she is starting to see that she doesn't need to change to be better, that she can do it if she wants but if she wants to indulge a little, that's okay too. It is a work in progress but I love her immensely and I am patient, so patient. I will love her and support her and show her that she is a beautiful and amazing woman.

That's my story, in a nutshell.
phelan4022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2014, 05:27 PM   #227
Marlayna
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,278
Marlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions communityMarlayna is a pillar of the Dimensions community
Default

It sounds like you're in a good place now. Thanks for sharing your story.
Marlayna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2014, 05:59 PM   #228
phelan4022
Live by Example
 
phelan4022's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Pacific Northwest
Posts: 91
phelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlayna View Post
It sounds like you're in a good place now. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you!
phelan4022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2014, 06:04 AM   #229
myownway
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 43
myownway can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesmyownway can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Thanks for sharing it indeed. Seems like you had quite a plenty of experiences... It's a good thing that you're now with a lady who seems much more stable that you previous love interests.
myownway is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2014, 08:05 PM   #230
jonw3000
 
jonw3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 29
jonw3000 has said some nice things
Default

Man your first relationship and the impotence due to guilt sounded all too familiar...
jonw3000 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2014, 10:21 PM   #231
phelan4022
Live by Example
 
phelan4022's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Pacific Northwest
Posts: 91
phelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonw3000 View Post
Man your first relationship and the impotence due to guilt sounded all too familiar...
How did that turn out for you, as I think it is a safe guess to say you've been through something similar?
phelan4022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-15-2014, 04:00 PM   #232
ToniTails
"so FLUFFY!"
 
ToniTails's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 949
ToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Being compassionate rocks.

However, to feel that there is something wrong with you for liking a physical part of someone that may or may not cause them an issue (health or otherwise) is an incredibly self important idea. That fat chick is gonna be fat whether you think she's sexy or not. Where exactly does your hard-on when her belly jiggles cause her any pain and suffering? (unless you're prone to smacking her with it- and who knows she may like it? :-D )

I wonder if all those big boob lovers out there whip their backs repeatedly in lament of the back pain their partners may suffer due to the fact that they love their giant breasteses?

It makes just as much sense to hold yourself accountable in this situation as it would to hold yourself in high esteem because a women who you view as being in the prime of health gives you a woody.

I don't care what physically attracts someone, whether it be bald heads, huge biceps, skinny ankles... if they are only into a person for that physical attribute there is always bound to be disappointment for both folks involved in that kind of relationship because humans mutate on a regular basis. It's how we roll.

Of course another part of being human is to be as confused as shit about why you feel a certain way and seek to find answers. I think these kind of topics are important, and I'm glad you spoke up.
__________________
http://tonitails.com
ToniTails is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2014, 06:03 AM   #233
x0emnem0x
 
x0emnem0x's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,394
x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!x0emnem0x keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by phelan4022 View Post
I have struggled with FA guilt since I knew I was an FA....
Thanks for sharing. I certainly enjoyed reading that. It's weird how much other peoples opinions can change us so much and it's always interesting to here the store from the FA perspective. I've only ever talked to a couple of guys that got that in depth about their preferences and got to know them that well so for you to put it all out there like that on here. You've come a long way!
x0emnem0x is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2014, 10:59 PM   #234
phelan4022
Live by Example
 
phelan4022's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Pacific Northwest
Posts: 91
phelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToniTails View Post
Being compassionate rocks.

However, to feel that there is something wrong with you for liking a physical part of someone that may or may not cause them an issue (health or otherwise) is an incredibly self important idea. That fat chick is gonna be fat whether you think she's sexy or not. Where exactly does your hard-on when her belly jiggles cause her any pain and suffering? (unless you're prone to smacking her with it- and who knows she may like it? :-D )

I wonder if all those big boob lovers out there whip their backs repeatedly in lament of the back pain their partners may suffer due to the fact that they love their giant breasteses?

It makes just as much sense to hold yourself accountable in this situation as it would to hold yourself in high esteem because a women who you view as being in the prime of health gives you a woody.

I don't care what physically attracts someone, whether it be bald heads, huge biceps, skinny ankles... if they are only into a person for that physical attribute there is always bound to be disappointment for both folks involved in that kind of relationship because humans mutate on a regular basis. It's how we roll.

Of course another part of being human is to be as confused as shit about why you feel a certain way and seek to find answers. I think these kind of topics are important, and I'm glad you spoke up.
You are entirely correct and that is the realization I came to as I grew up, figuratively, I was the most conflicted around age 19.

Now, I am simply proud to admire women, to perceive beauty and be able and willing to articulate it for others and myself. There is a deep and entrancing mystery to attraction and I have incorporated that into even my system of spirituality.

I'm just proud of curvaceous ladies and want them to know that they are just as beautiful (more so, in my opinion) and just as valuable as anyone else.
phelan4022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2014, 11:01 PM   #235
phelan4022
Live by Example
 
phelan4022's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Pacific Northwest
Posts: 91
phelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by x0emnem0x View Post
Thanks for sharing. I certainly enjoyed reading that. It's weird how much other peoples opinions can change us so much and it's always interesting to here the store from the FA perspective. I've only ever talked to a couple of guys that got that in depth about their preferences and got to know them that well so for you to put it all out there like that on here. You've come a long way!
Thank you, as I said, I think even my attraction is a part of my spiritual path and I want to understand where I am and why. Life is fascinating.
phelan4022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2014, 11:18 PM   #236
Extinctor100
Looking for Angels
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: US Midwest
Posts: 362
Extinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging inExtinctor100 makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ToniTails View Post
...to feel that there is something wrong with you for liking a physical part of someone that may or may not cause them an issue (health or otherwise) is an incredibly self important idea. That fat chick is gonna be fat whether you think she's sexy or not.

....

It makes just as much sense to hold yourself accountable in this situation as it would to hold yourself in high esteem because a women who you view as being in the prime of health gives you a woody.
Definitely true and this is critical to the resolution of the thought overall, as Taylor (phelan4022) pointed out so correctly. The conflict arises as we struggle with how much control we have over others - our ability to lure, coerce, convince, or manipulate them into doing things we want. It takes a person of maturity, confidence, and humility to step back and go "I'm attracted to this person because of what he/she is like and I don't have to insert my self-importance into whether it's 'right.' I'm attracted to and accepting of someone for the way they are, that's what I'm supposed to do!"
Extinctor100 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-2014, 11:24 PM   #237
phelan4022
Live by Example
 
phelan4022's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: The Pacific Northwest
Posts: 91
phelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 clubphelan4022 is a member of the 500 club
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Extinctor100 View Post
Definitely true and this is critical to the resolution of the thought overall, as Taylor (phelan4022) pointed out so correctly. The conflict arises as we struggle with how much control we have over others - our ability to lure, coerce, convince, or manipulate them into doing things we want. It takes a person of maturity, confidence, and humility to step back and go "I'm attracted to this person because of what he/she is like and I don't have to insert my self-importance into whether it's 'right.' I'm attracted to and accepting of someone for the way they are, that's what I'm supposed to do!"
Rather! And, I am flattered that you remembered my name.
phelan4022 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2014, 12:05 AM   #238
ToniTails
"so FLUFFY!"
 
ToniTails's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 949
ToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging inToniTails makes people happy simply by logging in
Default

can i get an AMEN????????



resized_jesus-says-meme-generator-amen-brotha-db6814.jpg
__________________
http://tonitails.com
ToniTails is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-26-2014, 11:18 PM   #239
Jon Blaze
Dusk
 
Jon Blaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK ya dig? ;)
Posts: 6,744
Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!Jon Blaze keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

There was a similar thread on Curvage, so I'm just going to copy it and add a few things.

I'm not a feeder, and I am not sure if I ever will become one. Over the past few years however, I've had moments where I almost felt like an encourager. I have a more "Live and Let Live" perspective when it comes to potential partners, and even though I never really egged on anyone to gain, there were moments where I gave extreme approval. It mostly involved models and the like, but it started to spill over into potential partners. It was different for me because my preferences are interlaced with acceptance, but thankfully it hasn't affected my core. It started becoming an issue for me that likely stemmed from my consumption of content.

My dating history is abysmal, so I haven't gotten a chance to really see any major issues related to my preference. My ex is 5'8" and 321 pounds, but we only dated for about a month (and are still friends). The only issue beyond incompatibility was she thought I paid too much attention to her midsection. Prior to that I had a relationship that made me question my development as a person, a relationship where she lost 100 pounds and ribbed me for my preferences, high school puppy love :P, and a bunch of failed attempts that never really came to fruition.

Being an FA isn't an issue for me, but I want to have more control over my expression of it like I did in the past. Fantasy and reality aren't necessarily compatible. Sexual attraction and schwing aren't synonymous as well, but I consumed so much content the two things almost became one in the same. I don't question who I am as much as the best way to express myself. I still generally show interest in women I already think are great. The source of my guilt is not being able to separate those things in a way that is conducive to healthy relationships. But I can only blame myself for not making it enough of a priority to do something about it earlier. Thankfully that has started to change.

I think an important issue related to this thread is the difference between dating someone whose size and(or) shape is a component of why you are attracted to them versus it being an integral part of the relationship. Most of my relationships have been the former, but the struggles I mentioned made me almost want them to become the latter.

All relationships come with calculated risks. Preferences are just a group among many others.


(By the way: I am in no way implying that being a feeder is wrong. I'm just saying it isn't who I am.)
__________________
Love people of all sizes!!! History is sometimes more logical than society.- Me

"Happiness is not stopping to think if you are."- Palmer Sondreal
Jon Blaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2014, 01:39 PM   #240
KHayes666
Go away
 
KHayes666's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 8,322
KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!KHayes666 keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon Blaze View Post
There was a similar thread on Curvage, so I'm just going to copy it and add a few things.

I'm not a feeder, and I am not sure if I ever will become one. Over the past few years however, I've had moments where I almost felt like an encourager. I have a more "Live and Let Live" perspective when it comes to potential partners, and even though I never really egged on anyone to gain, there were moments where I gave extreme approval. It mostly involved models and the like, but it started to spill over into potential partners. It was different for me because my preferences are interlaced with acceptance, but thankfully it hasn't affected my core. It started becoming an issue for me that likely stemmed from my consumption of content.

My dating history is abysmal, so I haven't gotten a chance to really see any major issues related to my preference. My ex is 5'8" and 321 pounds, but we only dated for about a month (and are still friends). The only issue beyond incompatibility was she thought I paid too much attention to her midsection. Prior to that I had a relationship that made me question my development as a person, a relationship where she lost 100 pounds and ribbed me for my preferences, high school puppy love :P, and a bunch of failed attempts that never really came to fruition.

Being an FA isn't an issue for me, but I want to have more control over my expression of it like I did in the past. Fantasy and reality aren't necessarily compatible. Sexual attraction and schwing aren't synonymous as well, but I consumed so much content the two things almost became one in the same. I don't question who I am as much as the best way to express myself. I still generally show interest in women I already think are great. The source of my guilt is not being able to separate those things in a way that is conducive to healthy relationships. But I can only blame myself for not making it enough of a priority to do something about it earlier. Thankfully that has started to change.

I think an important issue related to this thread is the difference between dating someone whose size and(or) shape is a component of why you are attracted to them versus it being an integral part of the relationship. Most of my relationships have been the former, but the struggles I mentioned made me almost want them to become the latter.

All relationships come with calculated risks. Preferences are just a group among many others.


(By the way: I am in no way implying that being a feeder is wrong. I'm just saying it isn't who I am.)
Your dating history being abysmal isn't a reflection on you, its the women you tried to get with. Some of them simply suck and others were expecting far more out of you than they were willing to give you.

You're a much better person than me and you deserve better.
__________________
Trust no one....respect no one....fear no one
KHayes666 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:56 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.