Do any of the BBW's here have times when they feel this way? - Page 2

Tania · 07-08-2009, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tau

focus on real flesh and blood men. I surprised and pretty badly hurt myself by falling in love this year. It took me by surprise and it sometimes it hurts so badly its like somebody's burnt all my insides up, but its real.

I feel this. I also totally get where the OP is coming from.

After a crappy, unfulfilling marriage I spent a couple of years buried in what I like to call my "fat, ugly, unwanted girl hole." It hurt to watch others moving on with their romantic lives while I had nothing... and worse, felt that I wasn't pretty enough anymore to deserve what I wanted. So, I threw myself into writing romances (instead of reading them). If only I'd had Dims back then to help me reorient my perceptions!

Gradually, I was able to lose much of the weight and regain some of my lost self-assurance. For the past year or so I've kept myself out there and dated a crudload of guys. It's done wonders for my confidence - now I feel worthy and desired again, which is a complete 180 from where I was at in late 2003. I've also learned that I'm not the cold fish I once thought I was - I *can* love. This transformation hasn't been without its tribulations, though - several months ago I dated a man for whom I fell completely. Things didn't work out and it damn near broke me, but I know that it's worth the continual risk to keep looking for love. Not everyone shares this belief, but I feel that if there's no hope for love, there's no hope for life. I can't give up.

Teresa · 07-08-2009, 11:57 AM

Thanks Tau and Tania. Great responses and good advice.

There HAS been a lot of good advice all through out this thread and I've taken it. Gotten out there, dated some and had alot of fun. I appreciate all those who've taken the time to respond to my original post with openness and heartfelt advice.

Teresa

SweetNYLady · 07-08-2009, 04:02 PM

I used to "pooh pooh" those romance/erotic stories kind of books... thought that they just weren't for me.

Now these days its the majority of what I read! LOL And yes, it does leave me quite frustrated for the lack of romance, love and pure unadulterated sexual encounters-- all of which I don't have in my life these days!

So what I do about it?... keep reading away of course! lol :-)

JerseyGirl07093 · 07-08-2009, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victim

I guess that's one good thing about being an FA. We're always willing to be weigh laid.

LMAO! Victim, you are the king of the one liners! You always crack me up.

Tau · 07-10-2009, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tania

... but I feel that if there's no hope for love, there's no hope for life. I can't give up.

YES! There is no point to a life without love - and I don't just mean non-platonic either. I cannot imagine a life where I'm not constantly surrounded by love, familial, platonic, spiritual. I've actually been thinking hard about it and realise that since I could reason and make decisions for myself my every action - the good ones anyway - have been influenced by love.

Ruffie · 07-11-2009, 07:02 AM

I can so relate to this. Its been an adjustment in my marriage of almost 24 years. When we first got together things were great, he was attentive, adoring and sex was abundant. For the first two years we had what I thought love was all about. Then we had a baby with colic, his alcoholic parents issues came to the surface, job loss, financial worries and well lets face it life happened! We almost split up twice in these 24 years we have been together, but took our vows seriously went to get therapy and worked through things. I discovered through all this that passion waxes and wanes throughout a marriage but its the friendship type of love that holds things together.

I do admit I miss though him holding my hand, putting his arm around me, kissing me goodbye and so on. And I would like sex more often. I have discussed these things with him and he makes an attempt for a while then its back to the old patterns. So sometimes I too look at TV or movies or newly in love couples and say man I wish I had that.

katherine22 · 07-12-2009, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green Eyed Fairy

I go and write my own dirty stories whenever I miss sex too much....it's a nice release really.

You have it going on Ms. Caroline. Take that passion and eros that could be spent on a man and do something creative. "We are the ones we have been waiting for."

Green Eyed Fairy · 07-12-2009, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by katherine22

You have it going on Ms. Caroline. Take that passion and eros that could be spent on a man and do something creative. "We are the ones we have been waiting for."

I also like the way Atlanta Rhythm Section put it, too....

"Imaginary Lovers never let you down..."

Just_Jen · 07-12-2009, 02:54 PM

I'm definately feeling what you mean. Sometimes i wonder if the reason i don't get on with men is because i have too high aspirations from reading too many of these books and falling in love with the characters.

I don't want to echo what everyone else has said and i can't really give you any other advice. It's sometimes good to have that escapism. I know now that im so lonely and there's no one that wants me and is here it gives me a place to dream and hope and live through the characters. It's just important to keep the feeling of reality when a man does come along. I feel you so hard right now haha because these books are so good and the romances so whimsical that i just want to be whisked away too.

OneHauteMama · 07-16-2009, 09:10 AM

Quote:

After a crappy, unfulfilling marriage I spent a couple of years buried in what I like to call my "fat, ugly, unwanted girl hole." It hurt to watch others moving on with their romantic lives while I had nothing... and worse, felt that I wasn't pretty enough anymore to deserve what I wanted.

This is exactly where I am right now. I've been out of a crappy, unfulfilling (in EVERY way) marriage since January and feeling like absolute shit about myself and what I have to offer someone else. I've gained about 20lbs since April and that hasn't helped.

I find that watching romantic movies and reading romance novels, even listening to music about love, makes me feel like crap because I know it isn't real...those things don't happen. I feel like they really skew the reality of love and relationships. The sunshine and butterflies go away when the rain comes...and you have to realize that you're not going to be all lovey-dovey all the time. Life is hard, marriage and relationships are work. But it's how you work together to get through them that determines how strong your relationship is or will continue to be.

Honestly, my ex-husband thought I wanted him to be like a leading man in a romantic comedy when all I wanted was for him to acknowledge that I was more than just a fixture in the house or someone for him to father. I don't ask for much, honestly. I don't crave fancy cars or houses or lots of money. Just hold my hand, show that you're proud to be with me, let me know I'm important to you. It's funny, but I think that's what most women want...and it's so simple, yet so hard to come by.

07-08-2009, 11:57 AM	#27
Teresa Abundantly Corpulent Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 124	Thanks Tau and Tania. Great responses and good advice. There HAS been a lot of good advice all through out this thread and I've taken it. Gotten out there, dated some and had alot of fun. I appreciate all those who've taken the time to respond to my original post with openness and heartfelt advice. Teresa __________________ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?"

07-08-2009, 04:02 PM	#28
SweetNYLady Immutable Dreamer Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New York, just north of NYC in Westchester County Posts: 197	I used to "pooh pooh" those romance/erotic stories kind of books... thought that they just weren't for me. Now these days its the majority of what I read! LOL And yes, it does leave me quite frustrated for the lack of romance, love and pure unadulterated sexual encounters-- all of which I don't have in my life these days! So what I do about it?... keep reading away of course! lol :-) __________________ "Yesterdays a memory Another page in history You sell yourself on hopes and dreams That leaves you feeling sideways. Tripping over my own feet Trying to walk to my own beat Another car out on the street trying to find the highway Yeah, Are you going my way?" -- Story of My Life by Bon Jovi ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

07-11-2009, 07:02 AM	#31
Ruffie Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Saskatchewan Canada Posts: 1,703	I can so relate to this. Its been an adjustment in my marriage of almost 24 years. When we first got together things were great, he was attentive, adoring and sex was abundant. For the first two years we had what I thought love was all about. Then we had a baby with colic, his alcoholic parents issues came to the surface, job loss, financial worries and well lets face it life happened! We almost split up twice in these 24 years we have been together, but took our vows seriously went to get therapy and worked through things. I discovered through all this that passion waxes and wanes throughout a marriage but its the friendship type of love that holds things together. I do admit I miss though him holding my hand, putting his arm around me, kissing me goodbye and so on. And I would like sex more often. I have discussed these things with him and he makes an attempt for a while then its back to the old patterns. So sometimes I too look at TV or movies or newly in love couples and say man I wish I had that. __________________ Teach without expecting. Give without wanting. Nurture without possessing.

07-12-2009, 02:54 PM	#34
Just_Jen Woot! Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Leeds, UK Posts: 1,190	I'm definately feeling what you mean. Sometimes i wonder if the reason i don't get on with men is because i have too high aspirations from reading too many of these books and falling in love with the characters. I don't want to echo what everyone else has said and i can't really give you any other advice. It's sometimes good to have that escapism. I know now that im so lonely and there's no one that wants me and is here it gives me a place to dream and hope and live through the characters. It's just important to keep the feeling of reality when a man does come along. I feel you so hard right now haha because these books are so good and the romances so whimsical that i just want to be whisked away too.