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Old 05-08-2009, 01:41 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by collared Princess View Post
I don't agree with the statement that even if she kissed you..if she (anyone)kissed me and knew that I was bi..well this brings me right back to the reason for this thread..it irritates me and I probably would end the friendship..Clear lines need to be established and Id feel like she was toying with me..
Oh IM not a guy, so guess the rules are different ,thankfully...I have to remember to be much more correct with my words in exchange I hope that people are more tolerant and not so critical
I know. We should all look at rape as the joke that it actually is.
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:48 PM   #27
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I know. We should all look at rape as the joke that it actually is.
No problem Blackjack just call me a troll and a perve and be done with it...hey everyone IM a PERV
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Old 05-08-2009, 01:56 PM   #28
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I usually hug to greet everyone I know and do the same when I leave, regardless if they are bi, gay or what have you. Though if a woman is bi or a lesbian and are drinking and they start to get flirtatious and hugging me excessively or trying to kiss me, well that does bother me. I'd feel the same way if it was a guy acting that way as well.
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:08 PM   #29
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I usually hug to greet everyone I know and do the same when I leave, regardless if they are bi, gay or what have you. Though if a woman is bi or a lesbian and are drinking and they start to get flirtatious and hugging me excessively or trying to kiss me, well that does bother me. I'd feel the same way if it was a guy acting that way as well.
Yes that is creepy as well so it goes both ways..In my opinion it is wrong either way..no one should come on to anyone straight bi gay unless there is a talk about it before hand..thats how I feel
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:13 PM   #30
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Yes that is creepy as well so it goes both ways..In my opinion it is wrong either way..no one should come on to anyone straight bi gay unless there is a talk about it before hand..thats how I feel
hmm...this statement made me giggle a bit.. because i imagined someone saying in a matter of fact voice to someone "Ok..i'm a bi-sexual and i'm going to come on to you now!" Lmao.. kinna takes the whole surprise element out of it. I think you can normally tell by someone's body language if they are into you or not..and if you are not sure THEN maby you should ask them.
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:20 PM   #31
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hmm...this statement made me giggle a bit.. because i imagined someone saying in a matter of fact voice to someone "Ok..i'm a bi-sexual and i'm going to come on to you now!" Lmao.. kinna takes the whole surprise element out of it. I think you can normally tell by someone's body language if they are into you or not..and if you are not sure THEN maby you should ask them.
lol...ha ha..yeah I see what you are saying..I guess I didn't mean right then but way before the situation ever came up...I think IM going back to bed.My cerebral cortex is clogged today,words and thoughts are just not coming out right
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Old 05-08-2009, 02:57 PM   #32
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I can almost guarantee that if We were all talking in a group and I said that there would be chuckles along with what I said because I met it half heartedly.
Er, no, not so much. I (and most people I know) don't find that so funny really...
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:21 PM   #33
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*hears the screeching of the figurative tires on this thread as it inevitably will come to be a mangled heap of wreckage soon*
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:28 PM   #34
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*hears the screeching of the figurative tires on this thread as it inevitably will come to be a mangled heap of wreckage soon*
Yeah.. that can be avoided though if we can move on. It was a poor choice of words and she realises that. Nothing to see..back to talking about sleazy creeps!
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:28 PM   #35
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Er, no, not so much. I (and most people I know) don't find that so funny really...
yeah you are probably right..my friends in MY circle tend to be easy going and relaxed,they don't take things so literal so I should have said....sigh....My friends that are easy going and laid back and know me and know what I mean and how I say things and know my heart and know that Im really a kind person always trying to please and be a comfort and give an ear to anyone..those people would chuckle... I always think everyone is easy going and like me and like my friends...
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:31 PM   #36
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ok.. actually, i'm just going to fly off in my helichopper away from this potential pile up!!
whhhhhrrrrrrrrrrr bye bye..
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:59 PM   #37
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yeah you are probably right..my friends in MY circle tend to be easy going and relaxed,they don't take things so literal so I should have said....sigh....My friends that are easy going and laid back and know me and know what I mean and how I say things and know my heart and know that Im really a kind person always trying to please and be a comfort and give an ear to anyone..those people would chuckle... I always think everyone is easy going and like me and like my friends...
I think most people are easygoing in different ways. Mine are, too, but a lot are feminists or feminist theory majors, so rape is kind of a special case, lol
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Old 05-08-2009, 04:22 PM   #38
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I know. We should all look at rape as the joke that it actually is.
Thanks BJ! I had someone explain it to me, and now I get the joke.

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Old 05-08-2009, 05:16 PM   #39
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I for one do not want this thread to turn into a clusterfuck especially as so far our wee board here has managed to avoid them!

I actually think it is interesting to discuss the differences between what is acceptable behaviour for a man and for a woman.
If a man were to behave in an overtly sexual or flirtatious way, he would be classed as a creep. If a girl is to do, it is perceived differently. Why is that?

That said, I do not believe someone flirting with or kissing you should be received as an invitation for sex. That kinda thing, such as a girl "asking for it" or being a "cock-tease" is used all too often as a defence in rape or assault cases. The comment you made Donna seemed to support this in a way, and I don't agree that it's ok to joke about assaulting someone who kisses you because of how turned on you might be, and have it be laughed at just because it is coming from a girl. As Blackjack said, had it been said by a guy this thread would have taken a completely different turn.

If you are uncomfortable with the way in which someone acts with you, gender should not come into it. Just tell them you feel uncomfortable, confused, led on or such. Many people don't realise how flirtatious their behaviour is and don't do it intentionally to frustrate you, it's just how they behave.
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Old 05-08-2009, 05:50 PM   #40
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I for one do not want this thread to turn into a clusterfuck especially as so far our wee board here has managed to avoid them!

I actually think it is interesting to discuss the differences between what is acceptable behaviour for a man and for a woman.
If a man were to behave in an overtly sexual or flirtatious way, he would be classed as a creep. If a girl is to do, it is perceived differently. Why is that?

That said, I do not believe someone flirting with or kissing you should be received as an invitation for sex. That kinda thing, such as a girl "asking for it" or being a "cock-tease" is used all too often as a defence in rape or assault cases. The comment you made Donna seemed to support this in a way, and I don't agree that it's ok to joke about assaulting someone who kisses you because of how turned on you might be, and have it be laughed at just because it is coming from a girl. As Blackjack said, had it been said by a guy this thread would have taken a completely different turn.

If you are uncomfortable with the way in which someone acts with you, gender should not come into it. Just tell them you feel uncomfortable, confused, led on or such. Many people don't realise how flirtatious their behaviour is and don't do it intentionally to frustrate you, it's just how they behave.
Point taken..thanks Bex...I think that the reason men don't get away with saying things like that is because men in the past and present tend to do such things as rape( a select few, men please don't flip out on me here) and tend to be aggressive where women don't act on things like that in general..I hate to bring this up really but when the case of the women and the little girl was in the news ,authority's said that they just cant believe that a women would be aggressive like that..that there is only a few cases where women actually did something brutal..It has always been a joke when rape is talked about with a women towards a man..so can men be raped? That is another question to ponder..In my opinion men are raped of their dignity and money all the time not sure about sexually
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Old 05-08-2009, 06:23 PM   #41
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Point taken..thanks Bex...I think that the reason men don't get away with saying things like that is because men in the past and present tend to do such things as rape( a select few, men please don't flip out on me here) and tend to be aggressive where women don't act on things like that in general..I hate to bring this up really but when the case of the women and the little girl was in the news ,authority's said that they just cant believe that a women would be aggressive like that..that there is only a few cases where women actually did something brutal..It has always been a joke when rape is talked about with a women towards a man..so can men be raped? That is another question to ponder..In my opinion men are raped of their dignity and money all the time not sure about sexually
Years ago I went out to a bar with some friends. One of my friends met this really really sweet guy. A college student. They were really getting on enjoying each other's company and then they decided to leave together. My other friend fussed a little over it, giving her a hard time about leaving with this guy. They mixed hushed words over it a little and then the lucky friend turned to me and asked what I thought. I told her that she was a grown woman and could make up her own mind what she wants to do. Just keep your phone and be safe. Then she said, "Good because I'm going to rape the shit out of that boy." I laughed my head off. He was so really cute and he really liked her. I did not feel at that time that the guy or my friend was in any danger whatsoever. In that context I didn't think there was anything wrong with the jab.
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Old 05-09-2009, 02:30 AM   #42
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I have friends who have made the same sort of comments. i guess the difference between friends saying it and it being said here is that saying it here lacks context, especially if people dont know you that well and also people have very different tastes in humour. I had never chatted on a forum before when i started chatting here and just talked the way i would with friends in the pub.. ie affectionatly calling someone "a daft cunt" when i thought they were being ..well daft. Maby its a scottish thing but saying that to someone is actually playful. Anyway, my point is..i think sometimes you have to remember people on here arn't seeing your face or listening to your tone, nor do they know the local ways of talking to people so i think in the begining you have to be a bit more sensitive to that. I think Bexy is right when she says men and women get away with different things. A women might get away with saying she would 'rape' because it is very uncommon for a woman to actually rape someone. If a guy said they were going to rape someone, then yes it would sound more creepy because you hear that happening a lot. (Though this might have been a topic for another forum at one time) I'm sure no one thinks Donna is an actual rapist and i'm sure she will bear in mind next time that people are sensitive to the casual use of that word outwith its actual context. This kind of thing happens all the time though..I had a friend who was murdered. I hear people saying almost every day "Oh i could murder them" or "I am 'going' to murder him"..I dont actually even relate the two because i know its a turn of phrase, its just that it has been made more socially acceptable to say it.
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Old 05-09-2009, 10:32 AM   #43
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Old 05-09-2009, 11:40 AM   #44
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Can I just remind some people on here that this is the glbtq board and not hyde park.

Back to the op. I think it is inappropriate for anyone to touch you or be overly flirtatious with you regardless of sexual preference. No friend who knows you should make you uncomfortable because they should know your personal boundaries, if they don't then they are not a very good friend.

As for the comments that flirting is great fun, you need to be careful who you are flirting with, you could be playing with people's feelings. Just because you aren't looking for it to go any further doesn't mean the other person knows that. I personally feel that people who need to be overly flirtatious are quite needy and perhaps didn't get enogh attention at some stage in their life, or aren't getting enough from the partner they are with. I'm not being a prude, a little harmless flirting can be fun and good for the ego but most mature adults know when they are taking it too far and shouldn't do that. Being extremely drunk is not an excuse in my book.
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Old 05-09-2009, 01:12 PM   #45
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As for the comments that flirting is great fun, you need to be careful who you are flirting with, you could be playing with people's feelings. Just because you aren't looking for it to go any further doesn't mean the other person knows that.
I have been left very heartbroken by a woman who flirted outrageously with me and gave me what turned out to be false hope that she was going to leave a difficult marraige and come and live with me. She is a beautiful Greek Cypriot aerobics teacher who was a couple of stones overweight for a fitness professional and I thought it was way too good to be true when she winked and postured at me during class and started playing Barry White's 'My everything' for the cool down and looking into my eyes.....not long then before I was besotted and floating on cloud nine every time she popped into my mind and then I learnt about her unhappy marraige to a violent and abusive man who had inflicted the deep burn scar on her upper right arm and I started to think that she was genuine and needed both love and help to escape - a heady cocktail for sure.

To cut to the end....she kept needing more time and was too scared of her husband to see me for any liaisons dangereuses and I grew to realise that she had never really had any intention of leaving but had enjoyed the power and fun of flirting with me as it further spiced up the natural 'high' which is produced by a fast burning dance class to loud beating rhythms. It was all a bit of fantasy for her and although I know she did fancy me, she was not going to leave her affluent address and all the trappings of hetero land for a teacher on an ordinary income.

I have just had a stressful day trying to mend my corroded tv aerial etc and mid aft had to pop out to the electical shop to get a new connector and as I pulled up to the main rd...there she was in her little black Fiat and I felt my heart lurch and my breath started to catch like in the early heady days when I used to climb the stairs to the dance studio with dizzy legs and my heart banging wildly at the thought of seeing her.......so it would seem I will never be free of the hurt and although they say it is better to have loved and lost, I would never have dared to dream had she not started her flirty games.

Here is the one pic I have of her taken around Xmas last yr when she did a 'cheerleader' themed class.....I stopped going shortly afterwards....as I guessed that out of sight was out of mind......and I DID think I was over her until I see her like today......so married and attached girls beware as your flirting might be hurting someone.

I have learnt that I must be more wary and not such a fool for love !!

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Old 05-09-2009, 01:30 PM   #46
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I have been left very heartbroken by a woman who flirted outrageously with me and gave me what turned out to be false hope that she was going to leave a difficult marraige and come and live with me. She is a beautiful Greek Cypriot aerobics teacher who was a couple of stones overweight for a fitness professional and I thought it was way too good to be true when she winked and postured at me during class and started playing Barry White's 'My everything' for the cool down and looking into my eyes.....not long then before I was besotted and floating on cloud nine every time she popped into my mind and then I learnt about her unhappy marraige to a violent and abusive man who had inflicted the deep burn scar on her upper right arm and I started to think that she was genuine and needed both love and help to escape - a heady cocktail for sure.

To cut to the end....she kept needing more time and was too scared of her husband to see me for any liaisons dangereuses and I grew to realise that she had never really had any intention of leaving but had enjoyed the power and fun of flirting with me as it further spiced up the natural 'high' which is produced by a fast burning dance class to loud beating rhythms. It was all a bit of fantasy for her and although I know she did fancy me, she was not going to leave her affluent address and all the trappings of hetero land for a teacher on an ordinary income.

I have just had a stressful day trying to mend my corroded tv aerial etc and mid aft had to pop out to the electical shop to get a new connector and as I pulled up to the main rd...there she was in her little black Fiat and I felt my heart lurch and my breath started to catch like in the early heady days when I used to climb the stairs to the dance studio with dizzy legs and my heart banging wildly at the thought of seeing her.......so it would seem I will never be free of the hurt and although they say it is better to have loved and lost, I would never have dared to dream had she not started her flirty games.

Here is the one pic I have of her taken around Xmas last yr when she did a 'cheerleader' themed class.....I stopped going shortly afterwards....as I guessed that out of sight was out of mind......and I DID think I was over her until I see her like today......so married and attached girls beware as your flirting might be hurting someone.

I have learnt that I must be more wary and not such a fool for love !!
I'm so sorry you had this experience. I'm sure there will be a woman out there more worthy of your affections. Personally I think you are well out of it. The last thing you would have needed is some violent angry man accusing you of stealing his wife. If she is being physically abused and choosing to stay with him thim, then more fool her. We are not living in an age where women have no where else to go. There are refuges and supports for abused women and there are laws to protect her so she is making the choice to stay. You don't need a woman like that.
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Old 05-09-2009, 02:45 PM   #47
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I agree and was quite scared at times of what he might have been capable of had she decided to leave......much better off out of it but love is blind and can make us commit all sorts of follies. She claims to have an escape plan for when her 2 girls have finished their education....both in uni now, the youngest has 4 more yrs doing a maths degree...and then we shall see whether she has the sense to get away....I have met him at a party and found him rather chilling. When we were discussing discipline in schools, I enquired whether he believed in corporal punishment and he leant in to me and whispered menacingly ' you know I do......what I did was over the top [ the burn - he poured hot fat on her in a row and she nearly died, all whilst heavily pregnant ] and I watch her every move now......and don't think you won't have to too' All the while she is standing there all demure with her hand on his chest and giving me desparate looks.

I can't help having feelings for her but my head now rules my heart and no good could have come of it....but I do hope she comes to her senses and gets away, for her sake.
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:33 PM   #48
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I agree and was quite scared at times of what he might have been capable of had she decided to leave......much better off out of it but love is blind and can make us commit all sorts of follies. She claims to have an escape plan for when her 2 girls have finished their education....both in uni now, the youngest has 4 more yrs doing a maths degree...and then we shall see whether she has the sense to get away....I have met him at a party and found him rather chilling. When we were discussing discipline in schools, I enquired whether he believed in corporal punishment and he leant in to me and whispered menacingly ' you know I do......what I did was over the top [ the burn - he poured hot fat on her in a row and she nearly died, all whilst heavily pregnant ] and I watch her every move now......and don't think you won't have to too' All the while she is standing there all demure with her hand on his chest and giving me desparate looks.

I can't help having feelings for her but my head now rules my heart and no good could have come of it....but I do hope she comes to her senses and gets away, for her sake.
that is soooo fucked up! please stay away from this man!
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:39 PM   #49
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that is soooo fucked up! please stay away from this man!
yeah.. this could be a whole new thred! Messed up..stay away!!
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:51 PM   #50
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will do.....that encounter was 5 or 6 yrs ago and he is now satisfied that I am off the scene.....so will keep myself safe. Her best bet is to disappear one day to Cyprus where he is not welcome.....neither is he welcome round here !

Thanks you two !
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