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Old 01-26-2010, 09:39 AM   #76
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Just fucking date fat girls and if anyone gives you beef pummel them senseless with a folding chair and take their Intercontinental Title Belt
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Old 01-26-2010, 05:50 PM   #77
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Well said... and I agree on the Pro tip wholeheartedly. While I think that people's experiences with family, friends and employers etc may vary more than you've experienced, I was really impressed with your observation regarding closet comparisons and how two gay people might make that choice (say if they were both living in a very hostile southern state... no offense to the southerners but I've heard from gay friends here who have moved to Portland to escape some of the southern states that it was pretty bad back home... Fat people don't have that option when dating an FA... which is reason enough, logically and emotionally, to not burden a partner with one's social shame of dating them. All in all, the decent and right thing to do is to come out of the closet before you date fat people. There's really no valid counter-argument in my opinion.
Along with that, and it can be mistaken for the same thing, is that it can feel like there is an unwillingness to share the experiences a person goes through. Not only does it feel like a burden to their partner, but it can feel like an overwhelming sense of loneliness when it comes to someone you love.

It's important for me to bring that up, because the majority of fat people have had to carry these burdens around, regardless of who their friends, family, and lovers have been. The kicker for most is that their friends are their friends, and their families are their families, and there isn't as much pressure placed on those relationships. We get to love our friends and families, hell, we're SUPPOSED to love them, regardless of what they look like.

I think a lot of closeted behavior comes with people who have been subject to their fair share of superficial relationships, whether from their families or friends, and it can be very difficult to see how to break that cycle or to figure out how to tell those people that their opinions on appearance are just not important.

It's also very easy to feel attacked when you're called on the same behavior, even though you don't want to feel like it's who you are. I don't think when anyone says "nobody cares who you like!" that they are trying to be dismissive, they're just trying to be blunt about what should be a universal truth, and that while it may not be the truth in the majority of your life, it truly is possible to make it so.
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Old 01-31-2010, 03:39 PM   #78
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My experience in coming out was quite good. I've actually only told a few people about my preferences. My dad and my friend. When I told my friend about my preference for fat girls, she said it was cool and admitted she was attracted to shorter guys. When I told my dad, he just laughed and said it was okay. He didn't care.

Either than those two, there's really been no need to bring up my sexual preferences. My family prefers not to talk about it. We're not afraid to talk about sex, but we feel that those things are private.
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Old 02-04-2010, 12:20 AM   #79
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I don't think i don't have a "coming out" story. I like who I like and everyone finds different things to be attractive so why does being an FA have to be a big deal? I guess I never realized liking the big guys was taboo. :/ (I guess it's because, most of the people around here are fat anyway.)

tl;dr I have no plans on announcing my sexual preferences to the everyone. Just the one person i'm with that actually matters. (I guess everyone will jsut figure it out sooner or later, if they haven't already.)
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Old 02-07-2010, 05:56 PM   #80
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I've been very selective about who I came out to. I come from a family where it behooves one to keep secrets, and as far as I'm concerned, they're never finding out (unless they hijack my computer). However, I have happened to trust a few people with my preference; happily, all of them were incredibly cool about it.
For example, coming out to my first person was a big deal for me, I must have spent ten minutes on a single message of facebook chat (FSM bless Facebook). After my long-winded explanation, the girl replied: "So?"
I realized then that it wasn't so big of a social deal as I had thought, just personal to me.
And that's what it remains: personal. I drop hints, but I don't broadcast it willy-nilly.
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:56 AM   #81
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there is a saying that i am sure i will mess up, but something along the lines of, if you knew how little people thought about you ..you wouldnt worry about it so much.

i understand the complex situation of realizing you are different, or not mainstream. but i think alot of the shame and guilt associated with admiring fat women is self inflicted and multiplied by the time someone spends in the closet alone with their feelings and wanking in their porno dungeon .

i dont mean to minimize the experiences and genuine feelings of isolation of some fat admirers, i experience almost the same feelings when telling friends or family that i date white men. you sometimes get questions, you sometimes get negative responses, but most of the time, you are met with a "oh, okay" and you keep it moving.

people really arent that bothered
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Old 03-09-2010, 07:30 AM   #82
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Why do people feel the need to "come out" about liking fat girls/guys? I dont believe i had to come out to my parents that im white. just saying...
Stop listening to society and live your own life. Not the way society wants you to live it.
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Old 03-09-2010, 08:31 AM   #83
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What, is the approval of "friends" so important? Is there a belief that because most people seem to think a certain way, and the media pushes a certain standard, that that must be correct, and you're wrong? Why would anyone think that way, and hold their own opinions and tastes in such low regard?
Well, we humans are social animals and most of us tend to want to belong, and that usually involves adherence to the beliefs and practices of the group(s) we belong to. Most people fear conflict with those because they do not want to be ostracized or humiliated by the group, and face potential banishment. However, it also goes without saying that true friends will respect you no matter what your preferences are. In my group of friends, it's not even an issue that I'm attracted to fat women. Then again, my friends represent a whole range of sexual preferences, political views, religious persuasions, favorite pizza toppings, etc. so we had to learn how to accept each other early on just to keep us together. So I don't think you should look at coming out to your friends (about anything) as risking their friendship. You should look at it as an opportunity to raise their consciousness and improve the bonds you have with each other. Who knows, maybe one of your friends is a FA too, and they're just too shy to admit it themselves. And if it doesn't work out--why would you want to hang out with those people anyway? Find some new friends. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere in a town that has more sheep than people, you have plenty of options.
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Old 03-09-2010, 08:55 AM   #84
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Why do people feel the need to "come out" about liking fat girls/guys? I dont believe i had to come out to my parents that im white. just saying...
Stop listening to society and live your own life. Not the way society wants you to live it.
I think the term "coming out" is used because of lack of a better description. I read your blog and i liked it very much, in one of your posts you mentioned how society tries to tell us that anything over size 5 is wrong etc. well then what does it mean if you are honestly attracted to someone much larger than a size 5, to a kid going through adolescence this can really mess with your head (why am i attracted to what everyone says is bad or unattractive). the easy thing for a young FA is to deny their attraction, unfortunately its impossible for you to deny your fat, im not saying it's right, it just is, Society has managed to shame us all. most large people have felt ashamed or at least very self conscious about thier size at some point in their lives, i'm not all that thin either and i was a fat kid growing up, and that same shame ends up manifesting in the admirers as well, the difference is the fa's can hide.

But by denying it we end up miserable, lost or not being able to find that connection that most couples have. it's not just about physical attraction, but physical attraction is part of the equation and if thats missing than its only a partial relationship.

Veruccassault mentioned something about "if we only knew how little others thought of us" this is so true when i finally decided to be honest with myself and embrace my love and attraction BBW's i was a little freaked about what people might think. but in the end "we are our own worst enemies" most of my friends will make jokes but its all in fun and never demeaning or mean everyone deserves love and there is someone out there for everyone. Some people like tall people some like Short, some like thin, Some like Blondes, redheads, brunettes, etc and then there is the cream of the crop that love the fatties!

so yeah it sucks that some feel the need to come out. But its only because something in our past put us in the closet, Much like your mom put you on that diet.

Much love and all respect
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Old 03-09-2010, 04:59 PM   #85
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Being fat myself I really didn't think it was a big deal. I wonder if other fat FAs have had a similarly easy time. After a youth of being the butt of all the jokes I really didn't give a shit what anyone thought about me. I went out and got what I wanted, they are the ones missing out.
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Old 03-09-2010, 08:18 PM   #86
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I haven't come out to anyone about it yet. Gave a few hints to the now ex-boyfriend, he didn't really react. (Didn't care or didn't get the hints, I don't know)

Funny story however. I was hanging out with friends over the weekend, and for whatever reason they started to talk about the movie "Feed me", I haven't seen it, but it's a horror/feeder/feedee melee type of thing, and yadayadayada how it was so gross that the women were so fat...
Anyway, the convo switched to the fact that they had all heard that it was a real sexual fetish, and how they couldn't understand how someone could be attracted to a fat person and want to make them fatter, it was so WEIRD.

Meanwhile, I'm in the background, cutting huge peices of triple chocolate cake for everyone Nah, I'm not really into feeding, but well, cake. >.>' It makes me happy when people eat.

Anyway, it made me realize that it's not a preference that I'll be broadcasting out loud much. Nope nope.
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Old 03-12-2010, 08:04 AM   #87
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I think the term "coming out" is used because of lack of a better description. I read your blog and i liked it very much, in one of your posts you mentioned how society tries to tell us that anything over size 5 is wrong etc. well then what does it mean if you are honestly attracted to someone much larger than a size 5, to a kid going through adolescence this can really mess with your head (why am i attracted to what everyone says is bad or unattractive). the easy thing for a young FA is to deny their attraction, unfortunately its impossible for you to deny your fat, im not saying it's right, it just is, Society has managed to shame us all. most large people have felt ashamed or at least very self conscious about thier size at some point in their lives, i'm not all that thin either and i was a fat kid growing up, and that same shame ends up manifesting in the admirers as well, the difference is the fa's can hide.

But by denying it we end up miserable, lost or not being able to find that connection that most couples have. it's not just about physical attraction, but physical attraction is part of the equation and if thats missing than its only a partial relationship.

Veruccassault mentioned something about "if we only knew how little others thought of us" this is so true when i finally decided to be honest with myself and embrace my love and attraction BBW's i was a little freaked about what people might think. but in the end "we are our own worst enemies" most of my friends will make jokes but its all in fun and never demeaning or mean everyone deserves love and there is someone out there for everyone. Some people like tall people some like Short, some like thin, Some like Blondes, redheads, brunettes, etc and then there is the cream of the crop that love the fatties!

so yeah it sucks that some feel the need to come out. But its only because something in our past put us in the closet, Much like your mom put you on that diet.

Much love and all respect
Yanno....i actually kinda see what your saying. thanks for replying<3
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Old 03-12-2010, 10:57 AM   #88
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I had a really interesting encounter last night at my part time job. I was telling one of the bartenders that i like fat guys and she asked why. She asked in all seriousness if being with a fat guy made me feel better about myself or less insecure about him cheating. She wasn't being rude at all, just genuinely curious. I said no, it's not a conscious or deliberate choice it's just how i am the same as a gay person. After that she understood, and i think it was really good that we had the conversation. i'm not saying it was good because random people need to know who i'd want to sleep with, but it's good for others to understand this is not something you choose for a reason or because it's easier, but that it's innate.
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Old 03-12-2010, 11:53 AM   #89
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I had a really interesting encounter last night at my part time job. I was telling one of the bartenders that i like fat guys and she asked why. She asked in all seriousness if being with a fat guy made me feel better about myself or less insecure about him cheating. She wasn't being rude at all, just genuinely curious. I said no, it's not a conscious or deliberate choice it's just how i am the same as a gay person. After that she understood, and i think it was really good that we had the conversation. i'm not saying it was good because random people need to know who i'd want to sleep with, but it's good for others to understand this is not something you choose for a reason or because it's easier, but that it's innate.
I think thats so amazing of you! I really do. Im glad you can open up about it and put it out there;]
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Old 03-12-2010, 01:08 PM   #90
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I think thats so amazing of you! I really do. Im glad you can open up about it and put it out there;]
Honestly the more you talk about it, the more you realize, as pointed out above, nobody really cares. How much time do you spend thinking about anyone else's sex life? That's about how much they spend thinking about yours. You may get the occaisional tease or comment, but really it is just not a big deal in the least. Like anything else, the less of a big deal you make about it the less of a big deal others do.
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Old 03-12-2010, 01:33 PM   #91
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Honestly the more you talk about it, the more you realize, as pointed out above, nobody really cares. How much time do you spend thinking about anyone else's sex life? That's about how much they spend thinking about yours. You may get the occaisional tease or comment, but really it is just not a big deal in the least. Like anything else, the less of a big deal you make about it the less of a big deal others do.
EXACTLY !!!!
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Old 03-12-2010, 04:28 PM   #92
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Good read.

My whole 'coming out' thing was a very prolonged and awkward journey that had less to do with me liking fat chicks than it had to do with dealing with the fall out of being a fat kid.

I don't know how many people here had a similar experience, but growing up fat one of the survival mechanisms I developed was to totally repress and camouflage any signs of my sexuality. Far beyond the hiding the fact I liked fat women, I tried to avoid any signs that I was attracted to any woman at all. Some of my most painful early memories associated with being fat involve me crushing on some girl by trying to make her laugh - (God knows being fat helps develop a sense of humor) or writing notes, some dickhead bully seeing this and then using that fact to mock the girl. I wasn't even the intended target, the implication that this girl could find my hideous fat self attractive was used to ridicule her. This would play out in a number of humiliating ways, ranging from the worst case scenario of the person distancing themselves from me for fear of further ridicule to the best case scenario of telling the bully to fuck off, defending me in a profoundly emasculating and patronizing manner and then having a few days or weeks of awkwardness linger. Obviously this was mortifying and painful. Very quickly I got very good at making sure no one would figure out if I had a crush on anyone. Shockingly, I became awkward around girls I liked, sensing the potential embarrassment and pounding my self esteem would take if anybody suggested anything. That isn't to say I was shy. I was a smart kid who had a decent sense of humor and I used insecurity and intelligence to fashion a sharp, spiteful wit that I used in equal measures to defend myself and belittle other people. Like so many fat kids who's stories I've read , I made up for my lack of play with the ladies and skill on the football pitch by building my ego around academic performance.

Anyways. This went on till I was about 16, at which point I lost a whole load of weight in a bunch of very unhealthy ways for which I received nothing but positive reinforcement from everybody except my mum, who was slightly unnerved by the fact I could tell her the calorie and fat content of every item in her cupboard. Suddenly I was no longer toxic to the fairer sex, though it took a while for me to start gaining any confidence. This gaining of confidence is where my sexuality started to emerge, though it was a bit of a tangled mess of bitterness for a while where I very much resented suddenly being deemed 'worthy' just because I'd lost weight and got muscles. Even though this attention is what I dreamed of. A tangled mess.

I was never really in the closet per se. When I started going to clubs and all that at 18, at which point I had started to stabilize a bit, I always leaned towards the bigger girls. My friends didn't get it of course, but no one was really a dick and I had a great desire to show my them exactly who I was. I think, more than pride, it was residual anger from both being made to feel ashamed of my own sexuality and spurned because I was fat. I still have it a bit, in which I flaunt my FAness all the more and try to goad people who I know are fatty haters. I didn't want to be embarrassed and I didn't want to be one of those dicks who inflicted any more of that familiar pain on fat people than they/I already had to put up with. I vividly remember letting one of my best friends check out the porn collection on my computer when I was 18. He was bemused, but more curious than anything and very respectful. If anyone had a problem, I never heard about it and I always figured if they're taking the piss behind my back, fuck em, I can't hear it so they can say what they like. A few years back I drunkenly stumbled into an article whilst at a BBW club in London.

This is already way longer than I intended, but the impact actually meeting up with confident fat people and other FA's had on me can't be overstated. I had been on Dims since I was 12, ten years at that point, but going to this club changed the way I viewed liking fat girls. Literally overnight it went from being a kind of lonely experience that always had me on the defensive to being a part of myself that I really embraced (it probably helped that at 22 I was finally getting a good idea of who I was as a person). I had gone from having this preference that seemed like a hassle to being a member of my very own subculture. As much as they are meat markets with creepers and drama and all that, I love stepping into fat land at a bash or club for a night or a weekend and feeling like part of a unique and fun little club. That article went out and I had people I hadn't heard from in five years asking me about it. My friend's parents who I'd known since I can remember. I kind of regard that as a (second?) kind of coming out period. It was certainly a time within which there was a great shift in the way I viewed things and a time in which apparently EVERYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN became aware of my preference. As that article came out I met a gorgeous girl I was quite fond of, finally got to do the whole falling madly in love with shtick and a year and a half and one whirlwind romance later I'm about to take her off the market. That takes us up to today.

Wow. Sorry that was so redonk long. It's odd truncating all that into one post. There was something vaguely cathartic in writing it.

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Old 03-13-2010, 01:03 AM   #93
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why do you need to come out about liking fat people...I assumed this was a thread about coming out like gay/lesbian something like that...not feeling this thread
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:25 AM   #94
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why do you need to come out about liking fat people...I assumed this was a thread about coming out like gay/lesbian something like that...not feeling this thread
Because this board is for FA/FFA. Some of them have a hard time with that for a variety of reasons.

In some cases they are simply confused about why they are turned on by something they've been told is not attractive. In some cases there are guilty feelings associated with it, either because some people hate being fat or due to potential health issues. For others there are negative comments from friends or relatives about a partner. It may even just be a matter of dealing with an anti-fat world or of liking something outside the mainstream or even liking something much different from your own choice of body type.

Whether you're "feeling" it or not is not relevant. This thread is here for FA/FFA to discuss issues about ourselves and negative comments either about FA or about the lines of discussion are not permitted. I'm not saying that to be rude or dismissive of your own feelings but it is the point of this board.
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Old 03-13-2010, 08:08 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by *Ravenous* View Post
why do you need to come out about liking fat people...I assumed this was a thread about coming out like gay/lesbian something like that...not feeling this thread
We live in a fat-phobic world. Fat people are often discriminated, get negative comments and being told that there is something wrong with them.
So, lots of us FAs think that there preference for fatties must be very strange. Every FA who had his coming out, or however you call this, is a positive example for others to do the same.
I think it's very important for closeted FAs who want to change this that they learn from fellows FAs.
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Old 03-13-2010, 11:23 AM   #96
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My boyfriend has always dated heavier women and I am no exception.At first I know his mom was not too happy with me,but we have become really close and good friends.At first the reaction was,"great,another fat girl" but i think most of his family understands his taste and preference.I don't know about "coming out" though,i don't fit in closets very well!
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Old 03-13-2010, 11:51 AM   #97
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Originally Posted by Ben from England View Post
I don't know how many people here had a similar experience, but growing up fat one of the survival mechanisms I developed was to totally repress and camouflage any signs of my sexuality. Far beyond the hiding the fact I liked fat women, I tried to avoid any signs that I was attracted to any woman at all.
I hate shortening it into just this because this was honestly the most amazing post but this point just resonated with me. I still catch myself doing this. I'm still the chick who will viciously deny crushing on anybody of the opposite sex for exactly all the reasons you stated. I still remain very, very wary of men who don't let me know that they are FAs from the get go. I just can't tell you how its felt reading this from the perspective of a man - its just been such an eye - and soul - opener. Thank you for sharing it.
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Old 03-13-2010, 04:06 PM   #98
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I hate shortening it into just this because this was honestly the most amazing post but this point just resonated with me. I still catch myself doing this. I'm still the chick who will viciously deny crushing on anybody of the opposite sex for exactly all the reasons you stated.
Bolded statement, 100%.

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I still remain very, very wary of men who don't let me know that they are FAs from the get go. I just can't tell you how its felt reading this from the perspective of a man - its just been such an eye - and soul - opener. Thank you for sharing it.
Indeed. for Ben
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...what I really mean to say is life is heart wrenchingly beautiful, unresolved, and right now...
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:09 PM   #99
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ok seriously the whole FA "coming out" thing really shouldnt be compared to GLBT "coming out". seriously has any FA EVER in the history of FA-dom ever been either disowned by there family for liking fat women (or men if a FFA) or threatened with violence or actually got into a fight because of your preference in women?
the least i expect to happen is a little bit of teasing and the most i expect to happen is that you may have to git rid of a few friends.
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Old 03-13-2010, 05:21 PM   #100
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Originally Posted by Blockierer View Post
We live in a fat-phobic world. Fat people are often discriminated, get negative comments and being told that there is something wrong with them.
So, lots of us FAs think that there preference for fatties must be very strange. Every FA who had his coming out, or however you call this, is a positive example for others to do the same.
I think it's very important for closeted FAs who want to change this that they learn from fellows FAs.
the fat people are discriminated and attacked. FAs are not at least not yet. i doubt society will start attacking us FAs hell im not even sure if mainstream society even knows we fully exist.

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