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Old 03-13-2010, 06:00 PM   #101
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Originally Posted by gangstadawg View Post
seriously has any FA EVER in the history of FA-dom ever been either disowned by there family for liking fat women (or men if a FFA) or threatened with violence or actually got into a fight because of your preference in women?
Short answer is YES. Hasn't happened to me, but you should come to an FA workshop at a NAAFA convention or a Dimensions bash. I've heard guys relate some absolutely horrible experiences, especially about the treatment they've gotten from their own families.

No offense, but you don't know every FA. If it hasn't happened to you, consider yourself lucky, but don't assume it doesn't happen. Seriously.
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Old 03-13-2010, 07:54 PM   #102
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Short answer is YES. Hasn't happened to me, but you should come to an FA workshop at a NAAFA convention or a Dimensions bash. I've heard guys relate some absolutely horrible experiences, especially about the treatment they've gotten from their own families.

No offense, but you don't know every FA. If it hasn't happened to you, consider yourself lucky, but don't assume it doesn't happen. Seriously.
no im just saying in comparison to the GLBT community and what can happen to a person coming out it doesnt happen that often.
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Old 03-13-2010, 10:31 PM   #103
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no im just saying in comparison to the GLBT community and what can happen to a person coming out it doesnt happen that often.
Who said anything about that? "The closet" is just a metaphor, and no group has any specific rights or copyright to it.
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Old 03-14-2010, 07:52 AM   #104
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ok seriously the whole FA "coming out" thing really shouldnt be compared to GLBT "coming out". seriously has any FA EVER in the history of FA-dom ever been either disowned by there family for liking fat women (or men if a FFA)
actually yes. my girlfriend's ex remains kicked out of his house for it.

also plump princess to thread.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:50 AM   #105
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actually yes. my girlfriend's ex remains kicked out of his house for it.
Dude, how could anybody be so judgmental to their own loved ones based on a preference that, to my mind anyway, is mostly cosmetic? Wouldn't they want to love the person that he loves and try to understand what it was about that person that made him so happy? Why would you completely sever ties to someone you've loved and cared about for his entire life just because he loves a different kind of woman from the one you think he should? What possible kind of excuse could you give to justify that kind of hate for your own son? (Of course, I really don't understand homophobia either.)
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Old 03-14-2010, 09:45 AM   #106
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why are you asking me?
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Old 03-14-2010, 03:49 PM   #107
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Each FA has a 'coming out' story. These stories involve parents, friends, co-workers and many others. For some its easy but for most its a tough process that requires some inner strength to make the leap of faith. In spite of this, I have yet to hear a 'coming out' story that has ended in regret.

For some, that story has already happened and for others it yet to occur. I figure that when I was a younger bloke, I would have appreciated the chance to read a thread that chronicled the experiences of others like me. So along those lines, post your 'coming out' experiences (or your questions, as an FA, about your problems with coming out?) here...
I dont see why I should "come out". I dont lie, but ive never actually gone and said "Hey guys I like fat girls!". However my girlfriend and I had a bit of a talk, cant remember how it went but it turned into an extremely enlightening conversation!
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Old 03-14-2010, 04:26 PM   #108
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why are you asking me?
Don't worry about it. It's more of a rhetorical question. If anyone could actually answer it, we'd be on the way to much saner and kinder world.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:35 PM   #109
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I dont see why I should "come out". I dont lie, but ive never actually gone and said "Hey guys I like fat girls!". However my girlfriend and I had a bit of a talk, cant remember how it went but it turned into an extremely enlightening conversation!
I don't want to say "Same thing," but that's basically the gist of the concept here. Not lying and treating your partner/potential as they should be treated = Being out. All the other stuff is just bells and whistles.
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Old 03-14-2010, 09:21 PM   #110
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just to kind of vanquish the whole "we laugh at what a silly thing to come out about" thing, remember it's society that marginalized y'all to the point where my mom has to clarify, "you like big girls?", not the fas. believe me, i never ever needed to have that conversation.
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Old 03-14-2010, 09:35 PM   #111
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I can see why it seems irritating or even upsetting... but to speak to the whole gay vs FA comparison.... my mum's stance on that (stated during our first conversation after a couple of years of disownment) was "being gay and attracted to attractive men would have made more sense to her than being attracted to ugly fat women".

I figure that there are few things these days that many people fear more or hate more than fatness. Being fat is transgressive of social norms. Liking fat is active support of this deviance. Even worse... it can be seen as an emotional sabotage that might stand in the way the moral imperative for an individual to 'cure' their fatness. There is a difference between the experience of being fat and the experience of being attracted to fat people... people react differently to each situation I think.
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Old 03-14-2010, 10:53 PM   #112
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Just fucking date fat girls and if anyone gives you beef pummel them senseless with a folding chair and take their Intercontinental Title Belt
brilliant.

i love it.

amen. why do you even have to come out. is it really that bad to do such a thing lol.
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Old 03-15-2010, 04:24 AM   #113
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my mum's stance on that (stated during our first conversation after a couple of years of disownment) was "being gay and attracted to attractive men would have made more sense to her than being attracted to ugly fat women"
Gah...that's rough.
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Old 03-15-2010, 08:15 AM   #114
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I hate shortening it into just this because this was honestly the most amazing post but this point just resonated with me. I still catch myself doing this. I'm still the chick who will viciously deny crushing on anybody of the opposite sex for exactly all the reasons you stated. I still remain very, very wary of men who don't let me know that they are FAs from the get go. I just can't tell you how its felt reading this from the perspective of a man - its just been such an eye - and soul - opener. Thank you for sharing it.
me too, exactly.
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:22 AM   #115
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I didn't really "come out" per say. I just started being more open and honest about what I think is attractive. And most of my friends pretty much already knew. It hasn't really been a "thing" at all.
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:55 AM   #116
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I can see why it seems irritating or even upsetting... but to speak to the whole gay vs FA comparison.... my mum's stance on that (stated during our first conversation after a couple of years of disownment) was "being gay and attracted to attractive men would have made more sense to her than being attracted to ugly fat women".
Way harsh. I hope things have improved between you and your mum. My Mom passed away nearly two years ago, but we had gotten over our issues long before that and I'm eternally grateful...

I don't think it's that big a deal for FA's to call it 'coming out'. We all deserve to be true to ourselves at some point, and it's not always easy to admit it- especially if we don't think our loved ones will support us unconditionally. I have a close family member who came out as gay recently, at nearly 40 years of age no less, who lived in denial their whole life about who they were. (And hid it supremely well!) There's no way that I would equate my situation with what they went through, but I know how liberating it feels to finally say to the world "Screw you! This is me!" I only wish they had done it sooner. I hope I'm making sense. I try not to assume that something that isn't a big deal to me isn't an absolutely earth-shattering big deal to someone else. It's hard, but I try.


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I didn't really "come out" per say. I just started being more open and honest about what I think is attractive. And most of my friends pretty much already knew. It hasn't really been a "thing" at all.
Yes, this is an important step. I even had some friends try to 'set me up' once they found out. Bless 'em...
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:59 AM   #117
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We live in a fat-phobic world. Fat people are often discriminated, get negative comments and being told that there is something wrong with them.
So, lots of us FAs think that there preference for fatties must be very strange. Every FA who had his coming out, or however you call this, is a positive example for others to do the same.
I think it's very important for closeted FAs who want to change this that they learn from fellows FAs.
not to invalidate what you have to say re: FA and mentoring. i think thats great. but i think we all need to be careful about the fat phobic world thing. the entire world is not fat phobic. there are a lot of fat folks who don't experience the world that way. there are a lot of people out there who love us. look at this site! and that doesn't count our friends and relatives who do love and support us and tell everybody that they wouldn't have us any other way than how we are right now. and there are a lot who do. their love should not be ignored. and when looking at a lot of the coming out experiences here it seems that a lot of people have found that things are not as bad as they thought after all. we have to be careful, both BBWs and FAs not to see the diet industry driven media as the truth. i think part of the reason there are so many closet FAs and underconfident BBWs is because they are sure everyone is out to get them.

in general people really don't care that much. they note it for a few seconds because its different and then go back to thinking of their own lives. and the few people who do make comments are just some sad individuals who probably actually hate themselves and their own bodies more than any fat person could. they assume that we agree with them that we are disgusting so they won't be called on their bs and can scapegoat others for their misery unopposed. and often they are right. they point fingers because they want to pre-empt any being pointed at them. its not what other people seem to believe about us that is important. its what we believe about ourselves that people smell on us. do we think we are weird odd or wrong? thats what they are looking for. the only way to get rid of the scent of fear is to get out into the open air where its fresh and breezy and to stop hiding. air that stuff out. when no one smells the fear on you they move on.
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Old 03-15-2010, 11:08 AM   #118
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Yes, this is an important step. I even had some friends try to 'set me up' once they found out. Bless 'em...

I've been lucky enough to have cool friends who aren't narrow minded I suppose. They accept it as just part of who I am.

It did cause some small issues with my ex-wife off and on. But even that wasn't anything compared to some of the stories I've seen online.

Like I said, I guess I've been lucky.
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Old 03-15-2010, 11:43 AM   #119
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I can see why it seems irritating or even upsetting... but to speak to the whole gay vs FA comparison.... my mum's stance on that (stated during our first conversation after a couple of years of disownment) was "being gay and attracted to attractive men would have made more sense to her than being attracted to ugly fat women".

I figure that there are few things these days that many people fear more or hate more than fatness. Being fat is transgressive of social norms. Liking fat is active support of this deviance. Even worse... it can be seen as an emotional sabotage that might stand in the way the moral imperative for an individual to 'cure' their fatness. There is a difference between the experience of being fat and the experience of being attracted to fat people... people react differently to each situation I think.
wow i really feel bad that you went though that. but you know a lot of things that people do an say that are harmful really isn't about you or the fat person that you love. its about them. for instance how is the person feeling about themselves and their life when they make negative statements? where are they in their life?--especially if its a woman there can be body dysmorphia of their own of some kind that they are struggling with . maybe the person fears some sort of social embarrassment and losing some sort of social status among peers just as some FAs might? maybe its a lashing out because suddenly someone is of an age that they can look at and analyze an adult and they fear that. is the person emotionally abusive in other ways?

i don't think fat people are hated or despised worldwide at all. i've traveled a lot over the years. people find me interesting and different but i have never experienced people actually hating me for being fat. even my SOs that i've traveled with haven't experienced bad treatment because of my size. sure people have made occasional references (at home in the US and once in London from a drunken old lady) intended to be negative but they only last a couple of seconds. its not enough to hinge my whole life on. in total maybe .09% of my contact with the world had been about my fat and not all of it negative. thats way too little to let that influence the way that i live. for an FA i would think it would be even less. its up to you what you allow to influence your life the most --the good or the bad.

people have issues with their loved ones for various reasons. i had a difficult mother. there were times when i didn't talk to or see her for years when i was young just to let her know that if she wanted a relationship with me that i required a certain level of respect. i loved her but she was the type of person that you had to be strong with or she'd drive you into the ground with all of her irrational behavior that was brought on mainly because she was just an injured sad insecure person. fat was an issue for her too. she really hated her own body. she had been made fun of a lot as a child for various reasons. she was never fat. she was actually extraordinarily beautiful which brought its own set of problems in the deep south where it was basically legal for any man to take advantage of a lovely black woman. i couldn't allow her warped ideas to take hold in me or to shape my outlook about the entire world because i didn't want my life well totally poisoned. not everyone thinks like she thought and i'm so glad of it. its wonderful to know that.
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Old 03-15-2010, 04:20 PM   #120
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My parents haven't ever really commented one way or the other on the weight of the girls I'm with. I know they think Jamie is lovely though.
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Old 03-21-2010, 09:16 AM   #121
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Well, last night I let my parents know that I frequent Dims last night. I let them know it was a plus-sized site. They were fine with it. I don't think they really care who I date, as long as they know I'm safe and that I don't do anything reckless with the girl. They just want to be informed on my life. I'm glad I have open-minded parents who are also concerned about my life.
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Old 03-21-2010, 12:23 PM   #122
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fwiw, in this essay, the authors talk about coming out as a fat woman, so 'coming out' works for all different kinds of identities.

http://books.google.com/books?id=RgK...dgwick&f=false
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Old 04-01-2010, 09:10 AM   #123
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Last night was another night of revelation. I had told my mom a while ago that I met my girlfriend on here. Then, last night she asked how I found this site and why I would be here. I told her it because I was an FA, (actually I used the term "chubby chaser"). She was perfectly all right with it. I was happy about that.
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:11 AM   #124
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Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Micara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Originally Posted by Weirdo890 View Post
Last night was another night of revelation. I had told my mom a while ago that I met my girlfriend on here. Then, last night she asked how I found this site and why I would be here. I told her it because I was an FA, (actually I used the term "chubby chaser"). She was perfectly all right with it. I was happy about that.
Eric, that's terrific! I'm proud of you.
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:25 PM   #125
Paragon_of_boredom
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 25
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This seems like a good place to start my community adventure.

My story is a bit short because my preference was pretty much announced to everyone at a party. My friends were making jokes about each other and when they reached me they hit the nail on the head. My best friend in jest said "Thats your type of girl man" while pointing at the largest girl at the party. I agreed with a sheepish smile which led to them asking questions. After a brief yet detailed reply we all returned to the party. Its not exactly the most captivating tale but my friends all accepted my fetish.

As for my family they all found out after I exited puberty. They would catch me glancing at the many bbws and ssbbws in town.
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