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Old 05-18-2009, 10:32 AM   #1
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Default He's Trying to Force me and I f-ing hate crying

Oh I am soooo pissed right now. I just got home from seeing my psychiatrist. He asked about my weight today, which doesn't bother me a bit. I understand that people, especially doctors can be concerned. However, what he said today felt like discrimination to me. He told me that if I don't lose weight, he won't see me anymore-

I answered, "I'm not going to lose weight. If you have a problem with that then I will find someone else."

He said, "There is no one else in this county."

And he's right. There isn't. I'm a low income single mom who battles bi-polar along with post traumatic stress disorder. He knows I need the medication I take, and he knows that in this small town, there's no one else for me.

He said. "So what are you going to do?"

And I said, "I'll move somewhere where a doctor will see me."

"Why won't you lose weight?" he asked.

He obviously couldn't understand my answer because he had to ask 3 more times so he could here it again.

"My body and my looks are the one thing about myself I am happy with."

And that's the truth. Why can't he help me with the deeper issues? I live with horrible memories, loss of family members, just trying not to hate myself sometimes- you know? Why does he focus on the one thing that makes me happy and try to force me to change it.

I'm asking these rhetorically. I know the answer.

I am just so bawling right now. You should see the tear drops splashing off my keyboard. I feel like Alice in wonderland when she became a giant and then shrunk to drown in her own tears. lol

Well screw that shit! I hate crying. I think I should cry more, tho- it feels kinda good when the tears start drying, like you've washed something dirty out of you.

Well, I've rambled on enough- i love to write, so if i get started, i may never stop, lol
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Old 05-18-2009, 10:48 AM   #2
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<3<3<3

That really sucks, Toni. Maybe he'd be willing to work with you if you said you were trying to get healthier, even though for you that doesn't mean losing weight - just doing stretches and building some muscle like people have suggested in the other thread, which will make you feel better too. It might help him see that you're not trying to be self-destructive or anything with the weight gain. I'm sorry he was such a dick I know what you mean about the feeling better after crying... it really does feel like you've washed away a bunch of ick. I hope things get better! *hugs*
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Old 05-18-2009, 10:55 AM   #3
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Unfortunately, his attitude is prevalent among medical professionals. He's assuming that your weight is tied in with your mental health, part and parcel. It would be difficult for you to find a "fat friendly" psychiatrist in a big city, far less a small town. That said, though ... I don't think you have to give up on him, at least, not yet. You can make it clear to him that your weight is simply not an issue that you will be addressing with him. If at that point he refuses to respect your wishes, then yes, you probably will need to find someone else to treat you

The next time that you see him, maybe you could say something like this: "We'll have to agree to disagree about my weight. Right now, I need to know if this is going to be an insurmountable problem for us. Frankly, I'm having some difficulty trusting you, because I feel that your behavior is a reflection of fat prejudice. If you cannot accept my word that I am fine with my physical appearance, just as it is, then I'm afraid that this isn't going to work out for either of us. If that is the case, perhaps you can give me a referral to another psychiatrist."

Quote:
Originally Posted by 00 toni lynn 00 View Post
Oh I am soooo pissed right now. I just got home from seeing my psychiatrist. He asked about my weight today, which doesn't bother me a bit. I understand that people, especially doctors can be concerned. However, what he said today felt like discrimination to me. He told me that if I don't lose weight, he won't see me anymore-

I answered, "I'm not going to lose weight. If you have a problem with that then I will find someone else."

He said, "There is no one else in this county."

And he's right. There isn't. I'm a low income single mom who battles bi-polar along with post traumatic stress disorder. He knows I need the medication I take, and he knows that in this small town, there's no one else for me.

He said. "So what are you going to do?"

And I said, "I'll move somewhere where a doctor will see me."

"Why won't you lose weight?" he asked.

He obviously couldn't understand my answer because he had to ask 3 more times so he could here it again.

"My body and my looks are the one thing about myself I am happy with."

And that's the truth. Why can't he help me with the deeper issues? I live with horrible memories, loss of family members, just trying not to hate myself sometimes- you know? Why does he focus on the one thing that makes me happy and try to force me to change it.

I'm asking these rhetorically. I know the answer.

I am just so bawling right now. You should see the tear drops splashing off my keyboard. I feel like Alice in wonderland when she became a giant and then shrunk to drown in her own tears. lol

Well screw that shit! I hate crying. I think I should cry more, tho- it feels kinda good when the tears start drying, like you've washed something dirty out of you.

Well, I've rambled on enough- i love to write, so if i get started, i may never stop, lol

Last edited by TraciJo67; 05-18-2009 at 10:57 AM.
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Old 05-18-2009, 10:56 AM   #4
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oh i told him that I eat whole grain foods and exercise- he checked out my really good blood pressure and healthy sugar levels then said- oh well- lose weight or lose me as your doc--- thanks for the uplift
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Old 05-18-2009, 12:00 PM   #5
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File a complaint with a medical board maybe? I don't know, but what he is doing is not sitting well with me. Maybe try articulating that your weight is not related to what you are seeing him for? :\
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Old 05-18-2009, 12:18 PM   #6
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I find it really hard to believe that a psychiatrist would say this to you! Not that i dont believe you..i mean i find it incredulous!
Psychiatrists are just shite doctors..ask to see a psychologist!!
Sorry, your psych put you through shit when you were going through enough already. He is really bad at his job. Your weight has nothing to do with your mental health, Unless, YOU say it is!! The job of a good therapist is to help you to work through your problems in a way that is right for you, NOT to give you weird and unethical ultimatums. He should be fired!
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Old 05-18-2009, 12:20 PM   #7
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WTF???????????????

I have been to many therapists and Psychiatrists in my life and not one has EVER- EVER said anything like this to me. Knowing me they probably figured I'd fly across the room and rip their throat out anyway. But sweetheart this is out of line. You do not have to take this!!

You know an MD can subscribe the meds you need.

I suggest reporting him and finding a good therapist who has a Psychiatrist that he/she consults with.

You do not have to take this - no one does!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG - I'm livid!!


Oh yeah - weight is never THE issue, it is a symptom of the issue. HOWEVER - it is up to YOU to decide if it's a problem not him!

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Old 05-18-2009, 12:20 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00 toni lynn 00 View Post
oh i told him that I eat whole grain foods and exercise- he checked out my really good blood pressure and healthy sugar levels then said- oh well- lose weight or lose me as your doc--- thanks for the uplift
Wait ... he actually told you to lose weight or else he wouldn't treat your mental health issues? Huh?!?! Red flags, waving. This is wildly unethical, and if he did in fact clearly say this to you, it is something that he needs to be held accountable for. Psychologists & psychiatrists have a code of ethics that they must adhere to. Telling a vulnerable patient to "lose weight or lose me" is a very, very clear violation of that code. I'm incredulous. This sounds almost too outrageous to be true.
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Old 05-18-2009, 12:22 PM   #9
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Is this ethical? I'm agreeing both with Tooz and Traci. I think you should look into seeing if he can be reported for this. Probably not, but it doesn't hurt to look. Fact is, though, he's of no real help to you if he holds such a bias against you. He sounds like a follower of John Bradshaw. Bradshaw has some very excellent theories on family dynamics and the roles each of us plays within our families and the balance of same. But he is an unabashed believer that if one is fat, one is automatically dysfunctional and mentally unhealthy.

I know that in many states' counties there is a real shortage of doctors and therapists. In the area of California where I came from, now one needs to 'apply' to see a doc, and the doctor will interview and screen you to see if s/he will take you on as a patient. Ridiculous. Beyond that, those who are low income really have it hard. I don't know what your situation is, but if you are able to move, and feel you can move to a place where you'll have better care, it might be worth really looking at.
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Old 05-18-2009, 12:30 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJo67 View Post
Wait ... he actually told you to lose weight or else he wouldn't treat your mental health issues? Huh?!?! Red flags, waving. This is wildly unethical, and if he did in fact clearly say this to you, it is something that he needs to be held accountable for. Psychologists & psychiatrists have a code of ethics that they must adhere to. Telling a vulnerable patient to "lose weight or lose me" is a very, very clear violation of that code. I'm incredulous. This sounds almost too outrageous to be true.
Actually, i dont know about the American code of conduct because i havn't studied it. In the Uk the British Board of Psychologists have a code of ethics which clearly states that you cannot manipulate service users in any way OR try to convert a service user to your ethical viewpoint. He has clearly shat right over both of these RULES and many more besides. To put it bluntly!
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Old 05-18-2009, 01:09 PM   #11
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...That HAS to be illegal.

....Discriminatory? Anything? :/ I Cannot BELOVE that shit. I'm so sorry Doll.
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Old 05-18-2009, 02:08 PM   #12
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The one thing I am proud of with this is that I stood my ground. I stated very clearly, "You need to know, I am not going to lose weight. If you don't want to treat me because of my weight, let me know."

Maybe what he realized what he did is unethical, because once i put it in those blunt terms he said- "Set and appt for next month and we'll see."

I once again told him that I won't lose weight.

Here's what bothered me about this. He knows I have nowhere else to go around here. This is the one clinic in town, and they require that you see him in order to receive the medications I need. He really is trying to FORCE this on me, and i tell you right now, without going into too much detail- I can't HANDLE being forced into anything.
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Old 05-18-2009, 02:19 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00 toni lynn 00 View Post
The one thing I am proud of with this is that I stood my ground. I stated very clearly, "You need to know, I am not going to lose weight. If you don't want to treat me because of my weight, let me know."

Maybe what he realized what he did is unethical, because once i put it in those blunt terms he said- "Set and appt for next month and we'll see."

I once again told him that I won't lose weight.

Here's what bothered me about this. He knows I have nowhere else to go around here. This is the one clinic in town, and they require that you see him in order to receive the medications I need. He really is trying to FORCE this on me, and i tell you right now, without going into too much detail- I can't HANDLE being forced into anything.
You can get psychotropic/anti depressants/hypnotics/anti-psychotics/anti anxiety basically ANY mental health based meds from your GP. (esp. if they have been prescribed already by a psychiatrist). You need not be forced into anything. I'm not sure how it works over there regarding finding a new psych and how long the waiting list is though from what i know here, if you want actual help in the form of talking therapy then a counseller/cbt/psychologist are your best bet and psychiatrists are usually just in charge of medication. if you have the energy, i would take it further and report him because he is so out of order its untrue. His attitude could actually make people more mentally unwell.
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Old 05-18-2009, 02:47 PM   #14
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I'm in agreement with everyone here that it appears as if he is emotionally blackmailing you into doing what he says. That is clearly an ethical and moral violation of the doctor/patient dynamic. While I don't suggest doing anything that would garner more animosity from him, because if you do have to continue seeing him in the short term, that would only serve to make matters worse for you.

HOWEVER, in order to encourage this situation to be very clear cut and un-ambiguous, and to give you solid "proof" of ethical line he is crossing, I do suggest that you write him a letter about how you are feeling and let him know that you expect a response from him in writing. That way, if he is really saying, my way or the highway, you have something tangable to show the medical board or your primary physician should you have to go elsewhere for your meds and therapy.

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Old 05-18-2009, 03:26 PM   #15
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A representative from the American Psychiatry Association was at the NAAFA/ASDAH convention last year. I think perhaps a complaint to the APA about this individual would be in order. Not to mention the better business bureau. If he's the only one of his kind in the county, then everyone dealing with mental health at all knows who he is, so his reputation could be pretty wide open to a letter to the editor about your exchange with him. Abusive people rely on silence. He does not deserve that protection.
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Old 05-18-2009, 04:45 PM   #16
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A representative from the American Psychiatry Association was at the NAAFA/ASDAH convention last year. I think perhaps a complaint to the APA about this individual would be in order. Not to mention the better business bureau. If he's the only one of his kind in the county, then everyone dealing with mental health at all knows who he is, so his reputation could be pretty wide open to a letter to the editor about your exchange with him. Abusive people rely on silence. He does not deserve that protection.
You said everything I was going to say. I'm just about to start my doctorate degree in Psychology and this past semester I took a class devoted to ethics in the profession. This is completely unacceptable!

I also agree with others that you should report this individual and see you primary care physician to prescribe the medicine for you in the meantime. Also, if your regular doctor is willing to prescribe the medicine then you can find a psychologist or other counselor rathe than a psychiatrist. I am thinking that this type of professional might be easier to find and more cost effective.
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Old 05-18-2009, 04:45 PM   #17
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Color me livid, too. This sounds completely unethical. Trying to bully and intimidate a patient into losing weight? How is that compatible with the practice of psychiatry?

I have been involved with more than my fair share of psychiatrists, both personally and professionally. Believe me, some are more screwy than their patients.

I agree with everyone else about reporting him. Do not remain silent, but do try to get him to put it in writing so you'll have hard evidence. And if he refuses to do that, then tell him to shut up about the weight loss and focus on what he's paid to do for you--which is to improve your mental health. If you tell him that you are fine with your weight and it does not affect your emotional well-being, he needs to drop it and never bring it up again.

I don't know diddly about California medical practices, but the way this is set up (that only he can prescribe psychiatric medications?) sounds kind of scammy to me. A general practitioner should be able to do that for you...unless you're on some kind of heavy-duty medication, perhaps...I don't know.

I would document everything that you recall him saying, the date and time of your visit, things of that nature.Then, find out how the clinic is set up. Is it a private practice, or is it run by the county/state/a hospital? Find out what entity is over it and who the administrators are. Get the names of his supervisors. This will determine who your report this to. But don't leave it at that. As others have suggested, contact other authorities. See if you have a medical board in the county you're in. See if he's a member. And he should be licensed by the state of California, so contact the state medical board. Do the same with the American Psychiatric Association and see if he has local affiliations. Many states and even smaller medical boards and organizations have websites where you can inquire about a physician's status...if he's ever come before the board for any type of violation or whatnot...I know ours (Arkansas) does, and it's very easy to use.

Try all of those avenues first. If you don't have some measure of success (I would think that unlikely) then I would contact the local news outlets (paper and television.) Finally, I believe NAAFA has a legal representative. Perhaps you could contact her/him and get some advice on how to handle this matter. At the very least (and this would be cheaper than moving), a letter from a lawyer to him might pack a punch and make him behave more professionally.

Keep us posted on developments. I'm sorry that you had to experience this, and I would be happy to help in any way I can. I just get furious when medical professionals treat patients in such a manner.
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:15 PM   #18
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OMG. Your doctor is an ass. I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. Please don't think all mental health workers are like this. I had a wonderful shrink. He never discussed my weight. All he did was suggest some alternative eating habits and said when I have a problem with my weight only then would we discuss it.
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:19 PM   #19
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You are getting the entire story- it's a very short one- took about ten mins

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I get to be the devil's advocate and say I don't think we're getting the entire story, but there are definitely other options as to finding help for your conditions.

Also consider that what may be manic depression can actually be endocrine issues like hypothyroidism and hypercortisolism, so seeing a real knowledgeable doctor of endocrinology or internal medicine might be a smart idea, too.
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:49 PM   #20
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Toni, there needs to be a trusting relationship between the two of you in order for you to get any benefit at all from his counsel. Clearly, if what you're telling us is an abridged version of the entire story, you're not going to benefit from continuing a 'therapeutic' relationship with this man. Please consider going elsewhere, and saving yourself a lot of time. I'm betting that there are other licensed professionals who could help you. He can prescribe your meds, and a counselor/psychologist or even LSW may be able to help with talk therapy.

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Originally Posted by 00 toni lynn 00 View Post
The one thing I am proud of with this is that I stood my ground. I stated very clearly, "You need to know, I am not going to lose weight. If you don't want to treat me because of my weight, let me know."

Maybe what he realized what he did is unethical, because once i put it in those blunt terms he said- "Set and appt for next month and we'll see."

I once again told him that I won't lose weight.

Here's what bothered me about this. He knows I have nowhere else to go around here. This is the one clinic in town, and they require that you see him in order to receive the medications I need. He really is trying to FORCE this on me, and i tell you right now, without going into too much detail- I can't HANDLE being forced into anything.
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Old 05-18-2009, 06:43 PM   #21
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I know how hard it is to find help in a rural area. Do you have reliable transportation to be able to travel to another county or area? I usually have to travel 90 miles to Sacramento when i want to see the better doctors. I have even gone as far as Stanford for my son to see a highly recommended specialist. (200+ miles away) If it's only a monthly sort of deal, it wouldn't be too hard of a problem if you could find someone else, someone more supportive.
I agree with what the others have said, he was completely off base and inappropriate. you might even want to try talking to the county's behavioral health department about what's going on with you. They might be able advocate for you or find you someone else.
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Old 05-18-2009, 06:57 PM   #22
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All this dude does is prescribe medication to me- it's how it works for low income peoples of the world--- we get the bottom of the barrel when it comes to stuff like this---

there really isn't another option for me until i move, but i do plan to try to get him to put it in writing- that's a good idea

and, honestly, there isn't more to the story- this is the first time he's ever brought up my weight and it was a ten minute discussion that was quite simple- it took me off guard
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Old 05-18-2009, 07:35 PM   #23
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WOW! Just WOW! Since he's prescribing meds it sounds like he's a psychiatrist and if I'm not mistaken I believe he takes the hippocratic oath. I am sure that what he has done to you has broken that oath. He has done you emotional harm by breaking your trust in him as a Dr and has basically medically blackmailed you. Even if he felt your weight was an issue with regards to your mental health as a dr he should know that loosing weight is not a fix to a persons deeper issues and that often our weight is a symptom and not a cause of the problem. He does not sound like a good psychiatrist no matter how you look at it. This is a link to your states medical board. File a complaint!
Barbara Johnston, Executive Director
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Old 05-18-2009, 08:07 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mergirl View Post
I find it really hard to believe that a psychiatrist would say this to you! Not that i dont believe you..i mean i find it incredulous!
Psychiatrists are just shite doctors..ask to see a psychologist!!
Sorry, your psych put you through shit when you were going through enough already. He is really bad at his job. Your weight has nothing to do with your mental health, Unless, YOU say it is!! The job of a good therapist is to help you to work through your problems in a way that is right for you, NOT to give you weird and unethical ultimatums. He should be fired!
If she needs the meds, she can't see a psychologist since they can't prescribe them.

It pisses me off too. There has to be someone over that guy's head to make a complaint to. Unfortunately it's all too common a problem.
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Old 05-18-2009, 08:10 PM   #25
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Fuck that bastard....tell him you won't see him again if he paid you. What a stupid, manipulative, controlling, uncaring piece of shit......enough said.
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