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Old 06-21-2009, 03:59 PM   #1
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Default Does the superfat sexual goddess the basis of male sexual imagery prevent the an

The idea of a strong (and real) woman here seems anathema to the pervasive need that so many here seem to have of fat femininity as at once infinitely pliable (soft, plush, giving) and so out-of-this-world larger-than-life that women becomes images "goddesses" to be forced into molds of perfection that no real woman can be comfortable in. In an atmosphere like this, I have seen how difficult it is to have real, adult, flowing conversations before someone stamps his foot and starts clamoring for the right to have the last word. It isn't that there aren't intelligent people here--there are. It's that the atmosphere is so oppressively charged with the one agenda of allowing the men to "worship" their "goddesses," that everything else is subsumed by that. I've never found being thought of as attractive so suffocating."




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Old 06-21-2009, 04:03 PM   #2
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What I find suffocating is the idea that someone who finds me attractive is doing me a big favor and that, hence, I owe them something.

If someone finds me attractive, then that should be an opening to get to know me.....not to collect something from me.


Also, feminist is a bad word around here sometimes, I notice.......




P.S. I am amused and really want to see where this goes......
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:27 PM   #3
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It's that the atmosphere is so oppressively charged with the one agenda of allowing the men to "worship" their "goddesses," that everything else is subsumed by that. I've never found being thought of as attractive so suffocating."
The title got cut off! What was the end bit supposed to say? *curious*

I agree with you; I do get that vibe sometimes. However, I think it's a microcosmic reflection of our culture at large (pun not intended), where despite major strides in gender equality, many times a woman's visibility in society is still directly related to how sexually attractive (and available) she is to men.

Gender aside, any time that you're you're putting yourself at the mercy of someone else's desires is going to be suffocating, whether you're a politician who has to come up with policies that satisfy millions of people, a flight attendant who has to smile at every jet-lagged lout who gets on the plane, or a pay-site model who's going to lose customers if she doesn't maintain her attractiveness.
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Old 06-22-2009, 02:43 PM   #4
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It is interesting how different people perceive different sides of Dimensions. I'd not have thought of that particular viewpoint at all.

I suppose it comes down to what threads we each read, what PMs get sent our way, and how we interpret all of that.

I'm not saying that I don't see certain takes on women being demanded at times, just not the same that Katherine sees. (also I tend to roll my eyes and carry on, assuming that those demands will be widely ignored. Obviously that assumption is also not shared by everyone).
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Old 06-22-2009, 06:35 PM   #5
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I have noticed in my time here that there does seem to be an atmosphere of 'worship', for lack of a more accurate word. I have seen individuals post who zealously express admiration in somewhat coarse terms, and be confronted with disapproval by other posters who desire to promote an atmosphere of human decency, courtesy, and respect instead of crudity (one such poster was even told to take a cold shower.) Unsuprisingly, these admirers express their displeasure and confusion for being called out for their behavior.

I have also noticed that the lack of respect led to the untimely demise of Hyde Park; in its wake we are left with the electronic equivalent of board games. Please don't misunderstand me; I am not criticizing the lounge. If civil intellectual discourse is to be had, however, it must be crafted from scratch, and not everyone is able to remain civil. I personally enjoy thought provoking discussions; thank you Katherine, for providing the opportunity to indulge in one.
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Old 06-22-2009, 08:04 PM   #6
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Please define "strong" and "real".
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Old 06-24-2009, 08:37 AM   #7
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Also, feminist is a bad word around here sometimes, I notice.......
With good reason GEF
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Old 06-24-2009, 08:42 AM   #8
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With good reason GEF
When men say this, there is never a good reason, Russ.
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Old 06-24-2009, 04:11 PM   #9
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When men say this, there is never a good reason, Russ.
Local feminists promote a "man tax" that men should pay extra because "we" rape and beat women.

I hate how they group me together with rapists and wifebeaters.
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Old 06-24-2009, 04:54 PM   #10
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With good reason GEF
Russ, from reading your posts here, it has always seemed to me that you look down upon and hate women. Not sure why you think that's a good thing though......

Do you tell your mother to know her place?
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:02 PM   #11
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Local feminists ...
Do you like pre-marital sex, by any chance?

If so, you can thank feminists for advocating female sexual agency, in large part.
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Old 07-02-2009, 09:19 AM   #12
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What I find suffocating is the idea that someone who finds me attractive is doing me a big favor and that, hence, I owe them something.

If someone finds me attractive, then that should be an opening to get to know me.....not to collect something from me.


Also, feminist is a bad word around here sometimes, I notice.......




P.S. I am amused and really want to see where this goes......
I definitely agree here... Thank you for the compliment, and no, I will not go out of my way for your special needs. Word^
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Old 07-02-2009, 04:48 PM   #13
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Over the years I have sought out and tried to have conversations such as the ones you mention and have been richly rewarded from time to time with conversations ranging from debate of political or social issues, to basic and frank discussions on a variety of topics from home remodel, car care, lawn care, child rearing, and relationships and sexuality.

These are the conversations I look for when chatting online with women as well as men. The problem "I" run into is that these types of convos are few and very far between. I have made invites, posted my yahoomessenger nickname in various places and shared my email publicly. I have also made known that I would never turn a good convo down and sought them out from time to time. Guys rarely want to talk to guys from this site for some reason and the women seem to have a problem if a guy is attached in any way with coming to him with wanting to shoot the bull.

I understand that the women here have a hard time finding someone just to BS with without wading through the sea of rude crude and immature posts and I.M.s but have they really sought out actively the ones that do just want to have discussions on just about any topic without it degenerating into "show me your tits, how much weight do you want to gain, or post more pics please"

I have only about three people on a yahoo list that I seek out and are willing to pop in from time to time to chat for no reason but to alleviate boredom or just to catch up on whats been happening in each others worlds. The rest are family.These started out with a good conversation or two and quickly degenerated into discussions of sex. I am willing to discuss any topic openly and freely and debate many issues passionately but for all the women here griping about this being the only topic guys seem to want to discuss, why is it that when you finally get a guy that wants to have discussions about things not sexual we have trouble getting those conversations from the women? I don't mind discussing fat issues, sex, or just about anything else. In my world of conversation NO TOPIC IS TABOO but I like you enjoy a variety of topics and not just about sex, or how fat I like my women. These people on my yahoo list were not heard from after a couple of conversations, and any attempts from me to generate a further conversations were usually ignored.

I don't know what to tell you about your attempts to have active and engaging conversations other than just to keep looking and contact me sometime at Rollhandler2002@yahoo.com or on the Yahoo messenger at
Rollhandler2002 anytime I am on.
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Old 07-02-2009, 08:00 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Asrai View Post
Local feminists promote a "man tax" that men should pay extra because "we" rape and beat women.

I hate how they group me together with rapists and wifebeaters.
i find it odd that when women ask for civility in the present in regards to a statement made to them at that particular moment that that man uses the excuse that she is a feminist to justify his crude behavior. when women bring thier displeasure to the fore its because something unpleasant is happening in the now and not because someone in the past may have been raped by some other man entirely.
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Old 07-02-2009, 08:06 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by rollhandler View Post
Over the years I have sought out and tried to have conversations such as the ones you mention and have been richly rewarded from time to time with conversations ranging from debate of political or social issues, to basic and frank discussions on a variety of topics from home remodel, car care, lawn care, child rearing, and relationships and sexuality.

These are the conversations I look for when chatting online with women as well as men. The problem "I" run into is that these types of convos are few and very far between. I have made invites, posted my yahoomessenger nickname in various places and shared my email publicly. I have also made known that I would never turn a good convo down and sought them out from time to time. Guys rarely want to talk to guys from this site for some reason and the women seem to have a problem if a guy is attached in any way with coming to him with wanting to shoot the bull.

I understand that the women here have a hard time finding someone just to BS with without wading through the sea of rude crude and immature posts and I.M.s but have they really sought out actively the ones that do just want to have discussions on just about any topic without it degenerating into "show me your tits, how much weight do you want to gain, or post more pics please"

I have only about three people on a yahoo list that I seek out and are willing to pop in from time to time to chat for no reason but to alleviate boredom or just to catch up on whats been happening in each others worlds. The rest are family.These started out with a good conversation or two and quickly degenerated into discussions of sex. I am willing to discuss any topic openly and freely and debate many issues passionately but for all the women here griping about this being the only topic guys seem to want to discuss, why is it that when you finally get a guy that wants to have discussions about things not sexual we have trouble getting those conversations from the women? I don't mind discussing fat issues, sex, or just about anything else. In my world of conversation NO TOPIC IS TABOO but I like you enjoy a variety of topics and not just about sex, or how fat I like my women. These people on my yahoo list were not heard from after a couple of conversations, and any attempts from me to generate a further conversations were usually ignored.

I don't know what to tell you about your attempts to have active and engaging conversations other than just to keep looking and contact me sometime at Rollhandler2002@yahoo.com or on the Yahoo messenger at
Rollhandler2002 anytime I am on.
Rollhandler
i understand your problem. its the dims culture. everything is sexualized. if you are talking to a man on yahoo it MUST be sexual. some of my best friends on dims are men who are married or otherwise attached and its purely platonic and they have always been gentlemen. but there are also a lot of attached men here who cross the line all of the time so the women are very careful about who they deal with. many are with thin women and just come here to get thier rocks off. sorry to say that is not rare at all. i think those guys are most likely to fit into the mold Katherine was talking about because thier total focus is fantasyland. its much more rare to run into a guy who just wants to shoot the bull and talk politics etc...--which i love to do! the ladies here, like me for instance, just don't want to cause an issue in someone's marriage or relationship which can happen if you are definitely someone's physical type and they find out they like you too. the grass always seems to be greener when the other yard doesn't seem to come with children , inlaws and bills. no one wants to be put in the position of having to tell a friend to bug off.

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Old 07-03-2009, 01:06 AM   #16
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As a feminist who was raped and beaten up by men, I find your comment to be highly offensive. Especially because I promote equality for both men and women. Go be mad at the men who are beating up and raping women. Ugh.

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Local feminists promote a "man tax" that men should pay extra because "we" rape and beat women.

I hate how they group me together with rapists and wifebeaters.
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Old 07-03-2009, 01:25 AM   #17
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I've fairly recently been introduced to the Dimensions site. I agree there can be sexually charge posts and conversations.

I don't see anything wrong with that. If those are the conversations a person is interested in pursuing there is no shortage of opportunity.

It seems that there are other issues at work here. It's gone from commenting on a desire for a wider variety of topics to a mini battle of the sexes. Emotional responses to Feminism and chauvenism(sp) have over taken what I thought was a fairly innocent comment. I could easily be over simplifying.

I personally haven't found a consistent situation where I had access to people who are physically attracted to me. I've been exploring a lot of the boards related specifically to gaining, attraction, sexuality, and experiences.

I think sometimes conversations between individuals wind up in a sexual area is because sex is a common topic that almost everyone has in common. From pure vanilla to the tastier of the 32 flavors, we've all had some experiences, good, bad, and other wise.

Politics, art, economy, society, law. The list is endless of what we can talk about, but it puts us out there. Especially in one on one situations. If someone isn't into what we're into sexually there's other fish in the sea, but if someone gets to know us and rejects us for something that may actually be closer to our hearts it's all together different.

I am honored in the areas here I have explored that people are willing to share their experiences. I don't have to agree to acknowledge. I don't have to comment to have shared a piece of what they've shared.

I'm grateful at the end of the day for all conversations no matter the topic.
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Old 07-03-2009, 02:22 AM   #18
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Local feminists promote a "man tax" that men should pay extra because "we" rape and beat women.

I hate how they group me together with rapists and wifebeaters.

Maybe we should redirect that hate to those members of our gender who do rape and beat women.

If it takes a "man tax" to actually raise awareness about these travesties, then so be it. Perhaps it would lead people to be more proactive in this cause.

(Please don't kill me for using this analogy) In a way, it's like that proposition that overweight consumers be banned from eateries in Missouri (?). Was it going to pass? No. But the only reason it was introduced was to raise awareness.

(Again, I am not comparing obesity to rape and murder. They are not equal in any way, shape of form. Only using the analogy because it's the one I could think of at 5AM. End of Disclaimer.)
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Old 07-18-2009, 02:05 AM   #19
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The idea of a strong (and real) woman here seems anathema to the pervasive need that so many here seem to have of fat femininity as at once infinitely pliable (soft, plush, giving) and so out-of-this-world larger-than-life that women becomes images "goddesses" to be forced into molds of perfection that no real woman can be comfortable in. In an atmosphere like this, I have seen how difficult it is to have real, adult, flowing conversations before someone stamps his foot and starts clamoring for the right to have the last word. It isn't that there aren't intelligent people here--there are. It's that the atmosphere is so oppressively charged with the one agenda of allowing the men to "worship" their "goddesses," that everything else is subsumed by that. I've never found being thought of as attractive so suffocating."




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Lol. I'm not that intelligent so I won't beat around the bush with fancy words. I love thick women. I adore them. But I do not worship any person lol. And matter of fact the only reason I subscribed to this forums is the fact that there are a lot of like minded people (people who are attracted to larger persons). The only time I will usually express my attraction is generally in the pay-sites section where the women there post pictures to be viewed and it's usually something along the lines of, "Wow nice butt." I don't even comment very often as I'm only on here once in a blue moon.

I think the population you are speaking of exist in every preference whether the women be large or small. It's just something some guys do- I'm not sure why as I myself do not do this.

I like coming on here to see all opinions and ideas of discussion and I certainly don't come on here to have debates and argue and I could care less about having the last word in an online discussion.

Many of the women on this forum tend to be strong and independent opinionated individuals and I do not see this sort of behavior as being prevalent between the thicker women and their admirers. The first thought that came to my head when I read the original post was, "That's rather rude." I'm not sure how the heck y'all have carried this into rape and beating and feminism and all that junk...

Maybe everyone just ought cool their jets and take this forum for what it is.

On a personal level. I'm about to go pick up my curvy lil' asian girlfriend and I'm excited as all hell it's the weekend. Which movie you guys think is better- Up? Or Hangover?

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Old 07-18-2009, 02:17 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by LordSheogorath View Post
Lol. I'm not that intelligent so I won't beat around the bush with fancy words. I love thick women. I adore them. But I do not worship any person lol. And matter of fact the only reason I subscribed to this forums is the fact that there are a lot of like minded people (people who are attracted to larger persons). The only time I will usually express my attraction is generally in the pay-sites section where the women there post pictures to be viewed and it's usually something along the lines of, "Wow nice butt." I don't even comment very often as I'm only on here once in a blue moon.

I think the population you are speaking of exist in every preference whether the women be large or small. It's just something some guys do- I'm not sure why as I myself do not do this.

I like coming on here to see all opinions and ideas of discussion and I certainly don't come on here to have debates and argue and I could care less about having the last word in an online discussion.

Many of the women on this forum tend to be strong and independent opinionated individuals and I do not see this sort of behavior as being prevalent between the thicker women and their admirers. The first thought that came to my head when I read the original post was, "That's rather rude." I'm not sure how the heck y'all have carried this into rape and beating and feminism and all that junk...

Maybe everyone just ought cool their jets and take this forum for what it is.

On a personal level. I'm about to go pick up my curvy lil' asian girlfriend and I'm excited as all hell it's the weekend. Which movie you guys think is better- Up? Or Hangover?

I'm not even going to touch this subject because I can't begin to imagine the horror of rape and brutality so I'll never know the hatred that stems from that. However, all I can say is not all men are abusive.....and I'm starting to get tired of all these threads that poke holes into the male gender.

Anyone who's read Why We Suck will know that both men AND women suck for their very own separate reasons....so stop the male bashing and the female bashing and do something like..oh I don't know...ACCEPT one another. That's what the site's supposed to be about right?

Now on a lighter note: Hangover! Everyone I know from the guys at work to my pick up football buddies say the movie is the shit. Do yourself a favor dude and see Hangover....it'll be great.
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Old 07-18-2009, 09:14 AM   #21
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.

I don't know what to tell you about your attempts to have active and engaging conversations other than just to keep looking and contact me sometime at Rollhandler2002@yahoo.com or on the Yahoo messenger at
Rollhandler2002 anytime I am on.
Rollhandler

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that the name you use is rollhandler. You can't have a blatantly sexual screen name and be surprised when no one wants to contact you to just talk.
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Old 07-18-2009, 09:54 AM   #22
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Maybe this has something to do with the fact that the name you use is rollhandler. You can't have a blatantly sexual screen name and be surprised when no one wants to contact you to just talk.
We have a winner.
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Old 07-18-2009, 04:51 PM   #23
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The idea of a strong (and real) woman here seems anathema to the pervasive need that so many here seem to have of fat femininity as at once infinitely pliable (soft, plush, giving) and so out-of-this-world larger-than-life that women becomes images "goddesses" to be forced into molds of perfection that no real woman can be comfortable in. In an atmosphere like this, I have seen how difficult it is to have real, adult, flowing conversations before someone stamps his foot and starts clamoring for the right to have the last word. It isn't that there aren't intelligent people here--there are. It's that the atmosphere is so oppressively charged with the one agenda of allowing the men to "worship" their "goddesses," that everything else is subsumed by that. I've never found being thought of as attractive so suffocating."


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i'm of two minds on this. i agree with you that other people's expectations of you can be oppressive. but, i think its perfectly fine for people to have fantasies and also to idealize and even worship the female form if they want though. what i do have a problem with is the belief that some admirers might have that they have the right to force those ideals onto other people. i personally don't find the idealization oppressive, just as i don't find the idealizaton of thinner women oppressive. they are not me. they are beautiful in their own right just as i am. and i don't take their idealization as antithetical to my own beauty or value. if i fall outside of someone's norm or preference i don't automatically take it as somehow diminishing me. i think you have to want to make that leap in order to take it. if someone says they like chinese people i don't assume they mean they hate black people when saying so. if i did that would mean there was something inside me that wanted to believe that. and even if that was what they meant it wouldn't diminish the pride or confidence i have in myself as to my own value because i KNOW who i am.

i think the real problem begins when women begin taking the opinions of others relating to thier desireability too seriously, especially on this level. dims is all about male fantasy. thats how it began. i don't think it deserves demonizing. but it is very good to talk about these feelings because it will help guys to understand the difference between the fantasy woman and the real women who have all kinds of opinions.

i love my body and i like to be appreciated. but it also bothers me when other women go to what might be seen to be the far extreme and see that as a bad thing and try you make me feel guilty for enjoying myself as a woman. not everything is an attack on a woman's power. and sometimes even if it once was it may have developed into something else by now. i have the right to see myself in anyway i like. thats also feminism. it doesn't matter who is trying to take your power away to decide who you are--be they male or female. there is no difference between oppressions, whether they are administered by a person of the same sex or a different one. sometimes i choose to be a goddess. some days i chose to be an intellectual. on my best days i'm both. i enjoy all of that. i'm not afraid to be idealized because beneath it all i believe i deserve worship. i think that all people are godlike and have a bit of the divine in them and deserve appreciation and homage not only for the things that people can see but for all of the other layers we possess as well. but i really don't waste a whole lot of time worrying about whether other people hate what i look like or love what i look like. in the end the only thing thats important is how i admire and value myself and not making other people feel as though they should love themselves less for some reason. the other stuff though nice in some ways is ephemeral. anyway, in the end we have to stop looking at ourselves totally through the eyes of another and giving that so much credence that we can't enjoy what there is in life to be enjoyed.

i can understand how you feel. but in the end maybe it shouldn't be so important what a few people on a site say. how do YOU feel when you look in the mirror? can you admire yourself without any input from others? those might be the only important questions that you really must ask. then you take your power back and it doesn't matter what other people say or don't say.
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Old 07-18-2009, 04:55 PM   #24
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Maybe this has something to do with the fact that the name you use is rollhandler. You can't have a blatantly sexual screen name and be surprised when no one wants to contact you to just talk.
yep, she definitely has a point there. you might want to rethink what kind of message your sending with your screen name. until i read some of your posts i had the distinct impression that you were probably not someone who'd like to talk about substantive stuff .
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Old 07-18-2009, 05:18 PM   #25
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yep, she definitely has a point there. you might want to rethink what kind of message your sending with your screen name. until i read some of your posts i had the distinct impression that you were probably not someone who'd like to talk about substantive stuff .
Yes, I like him much better after reading some of his posts and becoming familiar with him. Otherwise...I would have just taken him for a "looker" on here.
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