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Old 06-24-2009, 06:36 PM   #1
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Default Dim Bash Thread - The Feeder/Feedee Lifestyle

We wanted to bring the topics we discussed in the bash workshops back to the Dimensions community for further discussion. A full list of the workshops is <<here>>, but this thread is for discussion based on the Feeder/Feedee Lifestyle workshop specifically.

Use this thread to continue the discussion, give feedback, or bring up more topics you’d like to see covered in the future.

The Feeder/Feedee Lifestyle

Moderator: SoVerySoft (Randi)
Panel: LillyBBW, Falstaff400 (Dave G.), Ashley, Duniwin (Andy), HeatherBBW, Russ2d
Drop your preconceived notions at the door. For anyone who is living the lifestyle, has feeder/feedee fantasies, or is genuinely (and non-judgmentally) curious, a panel will answer questions and discuss the reality behind the feeder stereotype. Participants are expected to be respectful of people’s right to explore their fantasies and pursue consensual sexual activity.
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:02 PM   #2
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Thank you Andy for starting this thread. Larry and I enjoyed the workshop and feel that we were able to learn and share with the rest of the group.

One of the things that I personally thought was very interesting was the many different "levels" or nuances that are within feederism.

Some people like to eat, some like to be fed, some like to feed, some like to watch, some don't, some like to gain and some like to see gaining. And this is only a small list of differences.

Larry and I came away from the meeting with a new found sense of acceptance for who we are and what we like. I will wear my own label proudly - dominant feedee.

I hope that in this thread we can have an open and frank discussion about what we like or would like to try. Learn from each other while respecting each other's opinions and ideas.

I would respectfully ask anyone posting in this thread to remain on topic and open minded. Like the blurb for the meeting said "please leave all preconceived notions and negativity at the door."
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:56 AM   #3
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Hey now, how could you forget I was on the panel!!!!

The shop was good but I wish we had spent more time on feeders and feedees and not so much time on "food" and "foodees".
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:13 AM   #4
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Russ, I think here would be a good place to discuss some of the things that we may not have touched upon enough.

I would be very interested to read whatever you have to say. Please share.
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:19 AM   #5
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SoVerySoft was also on the panel, don't forget her! I've never felt more exposed. That was a lot harder than I imagined it would be. It was a good topic though.
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:25 AM   #6
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oh god come the fuck on
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:26 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by D_A_Bunny View Post

Larry and I came away from the meeting with a new found sense of acceptance for who we are and what we like. I will wear my own label proudly - dominant feedee.
So, I'm all for this thread.
I'm not sure what i'm... ready to add... yet, but this statement just made me a slightly loud "WOO!" come from me. Good for you, DA
Me?
I'm a feedee first. Occasional feeder. Mutual gainer (we all have our moods. :P)

Ninja Feedee, remember?
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:27 AM   #8
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oh god come the fuck on
oh god come the fuck on
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Old 06-25-2009, 10:30 AM   #9
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oh god come the fuck on
i c wht u dd thr
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:02 AM   #10
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as a young feeder i was worried no one would understand and i'd never get laid, so a lot of my old posts care very deeply about whether or not people had the RIGHT IDEA. but in my old age i'm more or less disinterested in doing PR for my dick.

the discussion was probably really well done, it's just the idea of having it at all that makes me cringe, like society's so dumb they need everything explained to them: OH I USED TO THINK FEEDING WAS BAD UNTIL I MET ONE...it's like when someone's homophobic until they find out they have a gay in the family.

i'm being highly subjective here, i'm not making an argument other than i personally totally detest catering to curious outsiders at this point.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:09 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
as a young feeder i was worried no one would understand and i'd never get laid, so a lot of my old posts care very deeply about whether or not people had the RIGHT IDEA. but in my old age i'm more or less disinterested in doing PR for my dick.

the discussion was probably really well done, it's just the idea of having it at all that makes me cringe, like society's so dumb they need everything explained to them: OH I USED TO THINK FEEDING WAS BAD UNTIL I MET ONE...it's like when someone's homophobic until they find out they have a gay in the family.

i'm being highly subjective here, i'm not making an argument other than i personally totally detest catering to curious outsiders at this point.
I was on the panel and I happen to agree with you. In fact I think it was the first thing out of my mouth in the feeling that this has to be a "thing" at all and we have to hold meetings and stuff. It may comfort or disturb you to know that nobody except those who were already at an understanding was there. The rest of them were out at the pool getting sun poisoning.

As for those that were there it was great to be among people who were on the same page evan with varying degrees of interest. It was good to see each other and say, "I like b, c and f." It seemed better at helping us to better understand ourselves than to present ourselves to the world as worthy or relevant.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:16 AM   #12
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yeah, i know and respect the people who held it with the best intentions, but i'm all just like maaaan
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:19 AM   #13
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but then i'm also grossed out by a roomful of people who understand high-fiving each other about how cool they are

YOU GUYS JUST CAN'T WIN
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:22 AM   #14
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First off, I was really hoping that if someone, anyone didn't have something good to share, or offer, or question, that for once, they might just let this thing grow on its own with sunshine and proper nutrients.

Alas, I was wrong. But I will gently address this situation because I for one want to have this conversation with this community and whomever wants to join in is more than welcome.

Not everyone is comfortable with what they like. If you are, that is great, but instead of thinking less of those trying to figure it out, help out, or stay out. Do not judge.

I learned in the workshop that there are some people who may be considered feedees whose main goal is weight gain. I personally am not into weight gain. I am all about the food.

Then there are some people who are feeders who want to watch, some don't. Some enjoy the act of bringing or cooking the food for others. Some actually want to feed their mate, others don't.

Some people enjoy adding sex into the act, before, during or after.

I enjoy listening to others that have some similar situations and learning from them and about them. I also get ideas that I might want to consider.

There are still some people that are shy about what they like. Hopefully this thread will allow them to explore some of what feederism entails and take away the stigma attached to it.

Please, I ask everyone, contribute to this thread, but do so with an open mind and a positive approach. I don't think that is too much to ask for.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:24 AM   #15
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Well it was my understanding that they tried to create workshops that included all aspects of the Dimensions boards. SSBBW, BHM/FFA, GLBTQ, and Feeder/Feedee. I think it's always nice to get together and share with a group that holds a commonality to share with one another. Don't think it was intended on being some sort of "show". I wasn't there but heard a lot of positive things that came out of the workshop.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:26 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
yeah, i know and respect the people who held it with the best intentions, but i'm all just like maaaan
Yeah, well you're at a place where other people may not be. I suspect that as the years pass a lot of people who were there at the workshop will transition to sunning at the pool with all the rest while a new crowd takes their place. There will always be people who like to hang around with others who share a common interest though, not everyone is a raving antisocial like you exile.
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:59 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
as a young feeder i was worried no one would understand and i'd never get laid, so a lot of my old posts care very deeply about whether or not people had the RIGHT IDEA. but in my old age i'm more or less disinterested in doing PR for my dick.

i'm being highly subjective here, i'm not making an argument other than i personally totally detest catering to curious outsiders at this point.
You bring up a good point. I understand and respect the point of view you now hold, and by the same token I understand and respect the perspective that you used to hold, and many young FAs still do.
You have matured as a person, and no longer need a public relations forum to prop up or justify your position, and that's great. However there are people who have not reached that point yet.
Perhaps if we had a bash workshop like this 5-10 years ago, it would have been helpful to you, rather than to the younger set who are just coming to terms with feederism.

This first Feeder / Feedee workshop focused heavily on that sort of advocacy / PR piece of the puzzle, which as you point out is not necessarily a constructive use of time for some people. In a sense it can be preaching to the choir.
I personally would have preferred to talk about some of the smaller details, and maybe next year we can focus more on that. Details about things you can do in a relationship to please your feeder / feedee partner when you are not turned on by that sort of thing.
I would have liked to talk more about ways to incorporate food into foreplay & sex, ways to include "fat / weight gain talk" as a form of "dirty talk" for those that have those sorts of fantasies.
My girlfriend was there as a partner of a feeder and wanted to know what to do to please her boyfriend when she was too full after a large meal to want to have sex. She knew there must be some way to turn that to her advantage, but wanted advice on how.

Discussion of these topics can be educational and fun for feeders, feedees, and those in relationships with them, without being preachy.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:13 PM   #18
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And I say we discuss those things now. Isn't that the point of bringing it to the boards? If anyone (exhile are you there?) knows some fun things to do, maybe he/she can share them.

Sometimes we know what we want and sometimes we hear something and then realize we might want to try.

For example, in my relationship, I like food. I didn't know for years that when my husband was bringing me things that I wanted, that he was also getting pleasure from the act. I thought that I was being pushy and just lucked out that this great guy was willing to accomodate.

Now that we have been together many years, we are still learning new things about ourselves thru open communication. I also get ideas from things that I read online.

I was never "turned on" by feeding, but I sure learned how to turn things to my advantage. So now there is more play involved.

I really want those that are into it can share some of their personal stories so that we can have an open and open minded conversation.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:23 PM   #19
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And I say we discuss those things now. Isn't that the point of bringing it to the boards? If anyone (exhile are you there?) knows some fun things to do, maybe he/she can share them.

Sometimes we know what we want and sometimes we hear something and then realize we might want to try.

For example, in my relationship, I like food. I didn't know for years that when my husband was bringing me things that I wanted, that he was also getting pleasure from the act. I thought that I was being pushy and just lucked out that this great guy was willing to accomodate.

Now that we have been together many years, we are still learning new things about ourselves thru open communication. I also get ideas from things that I read online.

I was never "turned on" by feeding, but I sure learned how to turn things to my advantage. So now there is more play involved.

I really want those that are into it can share some of their personal stories so that we can have an open and open minded conversation.
That can be very difficult for some people, especially in a workshop with people looking right at you. It really is like putting your junk up on the table in front of everyone. Lifestyle or no, not everyone is comfortable with that. There were some things at the workshop I had a hard time articulating that I might have had an easier time talking about here on the forum. I heard the "stuffed to the gills" inquiry but wouldn't touch it. I wasn't certain if going in to that territory was appropriate or if *I* wanted to be the one to cut the ribbon on it. Plus the workshop was almost over. I didn't want it to end focused on my privates you know? Bleh.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:27 PM   #20
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But are you comfortable discussing it here? Because isn't that why we brought the subject up here in a thread. Not just that *you* speak, because if you do that is great, but if you aren't comfortable, that is ok too.

I too wanted to discuss some nitty gritty specifics. You and I had a private discussion prior to the workshop that I would probably be hesitant about bringing up unless someone else did. I guess someone is going to have to start.

Anyone?
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:38 PM   #21
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Russ, I think here would be a good place to discuss some of the things that we may not have touched upon enough.

I would be very interested to read whatever you have to say. Please share.

Unfortunately I have to leave for work, I will jump back on when I get home, but I agree with Lilly that the entire "controversy" is both mystifying and for me anyway rather ridiculous.

When I first joined I was shocked when I first found out how much hostility there was over something as simple as this. I mean FAs love a woman to be fat and many would love their women to be even fatter, and women can't be fat without food, sooooo, to me the whole thing is pretty simple...and should be just another fun sensual / sexual thing we can do together... but no

Off the top of my head, quick:

1. Obviously there are people who have not come to a place of self-acceptance so feeding in any form stirs up anger, self loathing

2. There exists some anti-male (Feeder) sentiment. If a man expresses a fantasy or a desire to fatten up a woman or god forbid a woman wants to do something for the man in her life, especially before the rules were changed getting jumped on was guaranteed. I still see a lot of walking on egg shells with many posters on the various boards...

3. Too many people have the attitude that if I am not into something or if I'm offended by something than no one else should be allowed to engage that activity

My rather rushed 2 cents- gotta run
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:42 PM   #22
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That can be very difficult for some people, especially in a workshop with people looking right at you. It really is like putting your junk up on the table in front of everyone. Lifestyle or no, not everyone is comfortable with that. There were some things at the workshop I had a hard time articulating that I might have had an easier time talking about here on the forum. I heard the "stuffed to the gills" inquiry but wouldn't touch it. I wasn't certain if going in to that territory was appropriate or if *I* wanted to be the one to cut the ribbon on it. Plus the workshop was almost over. I didn't want it to end focused on my privates you know? Bleh.
Yeah with people staring at you it can be tough... you did great There was a lot more I wanted to go into too
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:43 PM   #23
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I guess that I am sensing two different avenues within this one thread. The first one being the acceptance of feederism, whether it be within ourselves and/or partners or with the world.

The second avenue is the discussion of the lifestyle and it's many variances.

I am eager to discuss either. I do think that the second avenue might be more interesting and take a little more bravery or openness by anyone willing to participate.

Either way, I really want this thread to stay positive and open minded.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:43 PM   #24
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i wasn't at the bash, so obviously i did not attend the workshop.

anyway, re: too full for sex

depending on the size of your partner and the size of your penis this position is awesome when the girl is too full for sex but still really, really wants to go at it. the best part about it is that if they guy takes it really slow he can give his partner a really nice belly rub while they do their thing. i HIGHLY recommend this.

p.s. huge thank you to Cors for relinking me to the site linked above.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:46 PM   #25
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That looks awesome Ivy. And that is exactly the kind of information I would love to share and have shared. Thank you!
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