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View Poll Results: Smaller BBWS, what do you want?
a private board for smaller BBWs only 18 13.14%
a private board for women only 58 42.34%
a protected BBW sub-forum 19 13.87%
I'm a smaller BBW and I don't want any of the above 22 16.06%
I'm not a BBW, but I support any of the above 20 14.60%
Voters: 137. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-01-2009, 11:49 PM   #1
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Default a private BBW board: thoughts, please

When I started the FA board thread, I had an inkling that the topic was going to raise some ire from those who are against the creation of one. However, I didn't realize that within a handful of days, the discussion was going to reach 24 pages and over 8,000 views.

This thread is not about the FFA/FA board. I want to discuss the creation of a private BBW board. The FFA/FAs who contributed to that proposal obviously have strong feelings about creating a private space for themselves, and I respect that need.

What I want is a private place similar to what the FAs are asking for, a place where I can discuss my health issues in privacy. The SSBBWs already have that space. It has been explained to me that this private SSBBW board excludes men because the women do not want their discomfort to become wank fodder. Completely understandable. More so, smaller BBWs are excluded from this board because SSBBWs do not want their struggles to become a cautionary tale. Furthermore, some SSBBWs feel that smaller BBWs are condescending and can't possibly understand what they're going through because these BBWs have not reached that particular weight. Fair enough. This thread is not about giving smaller BBWS access to the private SSBBW board.

What I really want is a private space, which excludes men. I'm open to having SSBBWs AND FFAs reading about my potentially embarrassing health issues, but I don't want any men reading it at all. Obviously, SSBBWs can relate to our health issues because they were once smaller and FFAs because I highly doubt they'll be wanking off. I also want a place where I can discuss my self-esteem issues and completely come out of the BBW/BHM closet. Quite frankly, I am so sick of reading about the "ideal" BBW: self-confident! pear shape! blahlblahblah! For the record, I'm comfortable posting about fat self-esteem issues on the main board; however, my self-esteem issues is beyond fat and has a lot to do with incest, rape, and generally sexual abuse perpetrated by men... hence, my desire for privacy. Maybe a protected sub-forum is a more appropriate place for that since I'm open to discussing this particular topic with you, DIMs; however, I'm uncomfortable with allowing the general public to read my thoughts on this.

Here's where I need your input:

Smaller BBWs, do you want a private board? If yes, who gets access? Would you like to allow SSBBWs or FFAs? Or are you more interested in a protected space like the Weight Gain Board? What kind of issues do you think needs to be discussed in privacy?
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Old 03-02-2009, 12:15 AM   #2
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Maybe there is a need for one now? I dunno, but Dimensions itself caters to the BBW....so it might be a bit redundant to have a BBW board.

Although my other half would disagree with me...a lot.
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Old 03-02-2009, 12:40 AM   #3
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I actually didn't vote for any of the above... (perhaps a "Protected BBW sub-forums" is the closest to what I believe would work best, but I would think a "protected BBW Board" would be better...) Personally, I think it would make more sense to have an open BBW Board (and a FA Board of the same nature...) just as the BHM board now exists. (and combine the female FA aspect of the BHM board into the FA Board.) I don't think the boards need to be "private" (i.e. concealed from others who don't meet some "qualification" for said board...) I don't see the benefit of having such insular groups discuss things amongst themselves in a potentially homogeneous environment . It would seem to me that having these boards emphasize certain topics (BBW Board = BBW topics... FA Board = FA topics...) would be good enough to keep the discussions from getting derailed from people who are simply joining in to be condescending, while allowing for those who wish to observe discussions they might disagree with the ability to insert constructive criticism where it is appropriate. I think this concept has worked reasonably well in the Weight Board, where the Erotic Weight Gain and Fat Sexuality sub-sections have somewhat tighter restrictions of negative critique, and in the BHM Board where it is known that the emphasis is about BHM related subjects. To me having closed boards is counter productive (perhaps with exception of the SSBBW Board where very personal matters might be discussed...) but I do see the benefit of "themed" boards.
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Old 03-02-2009, 12:59 AM   #4
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I have no objection, nor do I believe (as an FA) I have any particular right to object, to such an idea. Which means I chose not to vote for any of the above options.
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Old 03-02-2009, 01:39 AM   #5
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I think one group being ignored in these debates are new members. How would they be able to join the proposed private forums? If the forums are private there's going to be membership criteria (as the SSBBW board has) which would exclude new members from some potentially interesting and helpful discussions.
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Old 03-02-2009, 03:36 AM   #6
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I think this is a bad move. All its doing is reinforcing social cliques and throwing up new social boundries and fences, something I thought Dimensions was tearing down.

Having closed boards is nothing but bad news for everyone involved.
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Old 03-02-2009, 03:52 AM   #7
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I didn't vote. Theres no option for I'm fat and don't think a board is needed lol
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:09 AM   #8
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I voted for a women's board. I think that would be pretty cool
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:16 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayrae View Post
More so, smaller BBWs are excluded from this board because SSBBWs do not want their struggles to become a cautionary tale. Furthermore, some SSBBWs feel that smaller BBWs are condescending and can't possibly understand what they're going through because these BBWs have not reached that particular weight. Fair enough. This thread is not about giving smaller BBWS access to the private SSBBW board.
I didn't vote because that is what I would have voted for. Also, if that's what the SSBBWs are saying, well that sounds pretty condescending as well.
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:30 AM   #10
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i'll abstain from voting, but just a few things to consider yourselves (pologies in advance to kayrae's wishes for bringing up the unavoidable):

1. a "smaller bbw" board is neither reflexive of an fa board (which would allow females...will this board allow bhms?) or the ssbbw board (which deals with issues related to size...what sorts of issues does the majority of this website feels need to be private other than the need to compensate with a private board for themselves?)

2. "bbws" make up the majority of dimensions...are there any specific instances or topics where they have been controverted or stifled on a large scale that would've had significantly different and more constructive outcomes were they limited to private discussion? this is subjective and broad, but it should be considered

3. defining a "bbw" deemed eligible for this board would be nearly impossible...where would the cutoff be, 160 lbs? 170 lbs? height? what would differentiate ineligible bbws, being too big for the board? this is extremely broad, as opposed to fat admiration where the only qualifier is that you admire folks of size. would the predominantly female-oriented boards really be limiting the members according to size while the male ones accept anyone, thin to supersize? isn't there something wrong with that?

4. reactive; i'm not sure the best circumstance or reason to open one of these is so that people who don't qualify for other private forums feel left out. this would be the worst reason to start this board, catering to the most spiteful and alienating characteristics of dims of late.

5. from an fa perspective, the bbws here are drastically more united than the fas, for whom acceptance is strongly preferred but inevitably optional. if one were to take a poll of how many women would agree that their best ladyfriend they met via dims versus how many men have met their best male friend on average, the ratio would be extremely disparate. on another front, the "admirers" would be granted a unique turn from their reason for being here in the first place: the fa board would not be a place of "admiration" like the existing admirer/admiree interactive boards, but rather admirer-to-admirer talk. i do not see how the bbw/bbw experience would be exceptionally different from this main board itself, or the interaction on more female-oriented boards such as the clothing board.

6. slippery slope. if everyone keeps cutting smaller slivers of pie our webmaster might just decide to abandon the plans for these private boards altogether, rightfully citing the silliness of everyone insisting on their own slice.
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Old 03-02-2009, 04:50 AM   #11
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Dan, I'm glad that you're asking some pretty good questions. Because when it all comes down to it, I'm still thinking about everything this "BBW board" would entail. (NO need to apologize, this does need to be discussed). Quite frankly, if the FAs will be granted their privacy, I feel entitled to be able to discuss private health issues as well. But y'know... whatevs. I feel rather tired about all of this. Just felt that it needed to be brought up since so much vitriolic diatribe have been posted as of late.
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Old 03-02-2009, 05:45 AM   #12
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In all fairness, its hardly "private", I mean you seem to be casting fairly large brush strokes about what private really is and isn't.

So let me pose this.

Lets not beat about the bush. I'm a fat chap. I am also an FA. If they both have their "private" boards, can I be a member of both, is that fair on other respective members from either, who would wish to remain the exclusive of one or the other? How therefore is my private discussion confidential or restricted to both? Who becomes defacto head of these private forums?

That was just an example.

Quote:
I feel entitled to be able to discuss private health issues as well.
To postulate another example. Maybe Hyde Park should be divvied up between conservative and liberal "clubs" and a neutral meeting ground? Or maybe by nation or grouping perhaps, where say a Commmonwealth board is private so that its members can all secretly slagg off the yankees!!! If you want to have purely private discussions, things like the various IM or social networking sites that have more personal control over privacy are far better for private conversations than in a forum, whether its public or restricted. To me, thats discussing something in private.

I have seen this happen on other forums, and it does nothing but end in tears for all involved.

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Old 03-02-2009, 05:55 AM   #13
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This has happened before, and probably will happen again.

Just wondering if it's happened on other boards you (generic you) chat on, recently.
Is it just here, or is it happening elsewhere online or off, too?
And, if the latter, is it spontaneous or is it being driven by something?

I'm not active on the other board these days, so I have no idea if it's come up there again.

I posted on it back in '06:
If You Chat or Post Elsewhere...
Quote:
The current ruckus about the various "size" discussions and dissent brought to mind that on a motorbike discussion board I post to frequently, there was a suggestion -- and mild almost-flamewar (it's a very polite group) -- that sub-forums be set up for just women and just men.

I'm wondering if this is just a coincidence, or if anyone has seen this sort of divisiveness on other boards or chatrooms happening in the last week or so, particularly? As far as I know, I'm the only overlap between that group and this one, so it's not that it's the same people or their friends doing it.

I'm pretty much media- and pop-culture illiterate, so I'm asking... has there been anything either online (news stories or lifestyle blurbs on Yahoo/AOL/Myspace/whatever's home page) or on TV recently that made the point that there are some things that women shouldn't or can't talk about with men, or vice versa?
For those who attend church services, have recent sermons focused on the traditional roles of men and women, and the separation between the two?

And, if you've participated in the ruckus here, have you seen anything recently that resonated with the points you made or were arguing?

I know that these sort of conflicts come up periodically, but was suprised that it happened simultaneously in two distinct online communities.

-Rusty
By the way, it was an interesting and entertaining challenge to find that thread.

-Rusty

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Old 03-02-2009, 05:58 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Zero View Post
I think one group being ignored in these debates are new members. How would they be able to join the proposed private forums? If the forums are private there's going to be membership criteria (as the SSBBW board has) which would exclude new members from some potentially interesting and helpful discussions.
I do see your point, and yes, new members might be seen to be missing out on some potentially useful information. At the same time though there needs to be a lot of trust involved when revealing intimate and personal information of the kind that needs a private board. It takes time to build that trust and the best way of doing that in an online forum is to ensure that the proposed member has a certain amount of time served and/or a certain number of posts under their belt before they dive in.

We've all seen the Trolls and the Drive-Byes come and go from Dimensions but these are exactly the people who cant ever be allowed access to the private boards. Once a newbie has got involved in the community and gained trust all of the information on the private boards is still there waiting for them so they dont miss out, it's just delayed a little.

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Old 03-02-2009, 06:10 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
2. "bbws" make up the majority of dimensions...are there any specific instances or topics where they have been controverted or stifled on a large scale that would've had significantly different and more constructive outcomes were they limited to private discussion? this is subjective and broad, but it should be considered
Just to pick up on this one point - it doesnt take a lot of responses to divert or stifle a useful discussion, sometimes just one 'pstpixplzthnx' or 'hawt' type response is enough to kill a thread stone dead. The fapper who posts the comment isn't representative of typical FA's on the board and will probably be pounced upon and given a good kicking by the sensible and sensitive men who are contributing to the thread, but by then the damage is done.

(There is a specific example I'm thinking of but I dont have time to search right now If you think a specifc example will be helpful to the debate I'll try to track it down.)

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Old 03-02-2009, 06:48 AM   #16
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Question, wouldn't a private FA board or a BBW board basically be considered segregation?

This is supposed to be a board where everyone comes together, so why do you want a board where only certain types are allowed mingle with each other?

Just my two cents
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:03 AM   #17
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Why not a public/private set of boards for BBW-specific topics?

I can see value in letting non-bbws participate in discussion of some things while there may be a genuine need or desire for privacy in other areas.
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:13 AM   #18
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Quote:
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Why not a public/private set of boards for BBW-specific topics?

I can see value in letting non-bbws participate in discussion of some things while there may be a genuine need or desire for privacy in other areas.
But we already have non-bbws participating in bbw-related discussion on the boards we already have...
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:28 AM   #19
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No.
This is not happening again.

there is no need for a bbw board. Why? because this entire site is a bbw board. This whole site is an FA board, but hey, I guess THAT argument's over.


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Why not a public/private set of boards for BBW-specific topics?

I can see value in letting non-bbws participate in discussion of some things while there may be a genuine need or desire for privacy in other areas.
That's what this ALREADY IS!!!
No bbw board. End of thread.
Move on.
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Old 03-02-2009, 10:35 AM   #20
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I had no idea there were private boards.

Also, I'm sure this would open the debate up as to when BBW becomes SSBBW.
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Old 03-02-2009, 11:41 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by CurvyEm View Post
I didn't vote. Theres no option for I'm fat and don't think a board is needed lol
I didn't vote either because that option wasn't there. I don't think the board is neeeded and then well, how to define a smaller bbw? A size 14 a size 26? What if you're a gay bbw and the stuff you read about turns you on? What then? Why private instead of just protected? The existing boards seem like enough to me.
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Old 03-02-2009, 01:02 PM   #22
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I will make no argument for or against a BBW board. I will comment, though, on a board for "smaller" BBW, and how I think that is just...ridiculous, to be perfectly frank.

As Dan pointed out...

Logistically, it would be nearly impossible to define and confine the posters to a board that the only requirement for entry be that you be a fat chick who is smaller than the size needed to get into the SSBBW forum. This idea is made even more ridiculous when you consider that there are SSBBW on here that don't participate in that forum what so ever, by their own choice. You can not force those women to participate in a sub forum that they don't want to be in. This isn't camp. We can't make anyone pick an afternoon activity, or assign them one if they don't want one.

OR,

I am a member of the SSBBW forum. Say I go on a diet and I don't find myself fitting in with that group in the same context anymore. I come to the Smaller BBW board. Then, shit, I gain it all back. Back to the other board for me!

How is that productive on ANY level? And how would you like to not only be the Mod that has to shuffle people about like that ("I'm sorry Jess, but, please keep your weight stable... I can't keep adjusting your posting on a monthly basis. This is the third time we've had to adjust you from Super Fatty down to Big Ole Fatty in the last month in a half. Sort it out."), but be the member who keeps being asked to move.

OUCH. Then it turns into this whole thing of... I don't fit in amongst the SS girls, nor am I of a size of the Smaller BBWs... where do I fit in? I mean, we bitch about it all the time on this board, in terms of men. "I'm not fat ENOUGH for this guy, but I'm TOO fat for this one over here. Obviously, this is why I'm single, because I'm not good enough for anyone."

Bull shit.

BULL SHIT.


***And Ekim, I don't really think that the SSBBWs are saying that IS what this topic is about... Kayrae is just trying to cut discussion off at the pass, so really, attacking the SSBBWs for being condescending is just causing more drama that doesn't need to be here.

Chill.***
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Old 03-02-2009, 01:57 PM   #23
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Dan, I'm glad that you're asking some pretty good questions. Because when it all comes down to it, I'm still thinking about everything this "BBW board" would entail. (NO need to apologize, this does need to be discussed). Quite frankly, if the FAs will be granted their privacy, I feel entitled to be able to discuss private health issues as well. But y'know... whatevs. I feel rather tired about all of this. Just felt that it needed to be brought up since so much vitriolic diatribe have been posted as of late.
Here is my question.

If the only thing you are really interested in is being able to discuss "health" issues in a private setting, then why not look at a private sub-forum for the health board instead of a private BBW forum?

In truth, BBWS can discuss anything they want all over the forums. The only thing that would really *need* to be private would be health concerns. So my suggestion would be, drop the BBW forum idea, and propose a women only, private health forum.

I think that pretty much sums it up.
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Old 03-02-2009, 02:08 PM   #24
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In truth, BBWS can discuss anything they want all over the forums. The only thing that would really *need* to be private would be health concerns. So my suggestion would be, drop the BBW forum idea, and propose a women only, private health forum.
Some BBW have commented on having a protected place in which to discuss not only health issues, but other things....protected...not...private. FA's can also discuss anything they want all over the forums, that's also a ...truth... yet, some are saying they want a place that is protected. It's just plain odd how some are defining need.
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Old 03-02-2009, 02:13 PM   #25
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Some BBW have commented on having a protected place in which to discuss not only health issues, but other things....protected...not...private. FA's can also discuss anything they want all over the forums, that's also a ...truth... yet, some are saying they want a place that is protected. It's just plain odd how some are defining need.
I guess the tough thing is Mossy, to get everyone to agree on what is *needed* or *wanted* in a possible new forum/s. Can we even find a majority on this? I wonder. And what serves the community in general in the best possible way?

Difficult to figure out. There seem to be a lot of differing views.
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